Born to be Riled

You were predestined to meet me or one of my kind. It was written in the stars and was as likely to happen as the sun rising tomorrow morning. You see, you grew and developed as a healthy and normal person. One of the first gifts that you received was a moral compass and you have always found it to work. You were guided by a decent role model, one that showed you the value of compassion, caring and consideration. You have always prided yourself on being able to step into the shoes of others, see someone else’s point of view or imagine what it must be like to be in that other person’s position. It is natural for you to take an interest in the person you are talking with, to listen and engage with them. You are a shoulder to cry on, a pillar of support and a rock to others. Others turn to you in their hour of need. You are patient, tender and take great pleasure in helping other people. You might have made a career of it, becoming a doctor or nurse, an aid worker, a social worker, a counsellor or a charity employee. You have been shown the way by others and with your measured view of the world, developed a strong sense of what is right and what is wrong.

You believe in love. Love conquers all. All you need is love. Love changes everything. You believe that we should all show love to one another and in return we will be loved. That is all that you ask for, to be loved.

When you appear on our radar you shine brighter than everything else around you. The empathic radiance that emanates from you is a blazing beacon of benevolence. Our displays flash and light up, alerting us to your presence as the needles and gauges go off the scale. A massive fanker full of fuel has just cruised into view and we are duty bound to hijack it. We follow the path that is all too familiar to you now, of seducing you and dazzling you. You switch off your engines and weigh the anchor, content to dock with us. We have pulled alongside you and scramble over our bow to overwhelm you. It does not take long before we have burst onto the bridge, overpowered your captain and taken control of this tanker full to the brim of fuel. This hijacking is without violence or resistance, in fact your captain is not so much overpowered but rather he readily relinquishes control of the bridge to us, happy to place his trust in us. We have established our credentials through our repeated charm offensive. There can be no doubt that we have passed our mariner’s examinations and that we are fully qualified to control this tanker.

Yet this peaceful conquest does not satisfy us. There is no excitement or drama in achieving it so easily. Yes, at first we were content for this state of affairs to be the case. It was easy and pleasant and interesting for we had not been on this vessel before and its cargo, the ever so precious fuel was an unknown variety. Now we have been siphoning off the fuel for quite some time and we need to add a new ingredient to it to increase its potency as we maintain control of this vessel. We want to stir things up in the holds by charting a course through stormy waters. We might purposefully spring a leak, cut away the lifeboats and fire off the flares, before jamming the wheel so the tanker slowly drifts in circles, rolling and yawing through the mountainous waves giving the impression of vast movement but not actually going anywhere.

We have to annoy, provoke, irritate and rile you. This heightens the emotional responses and just like the storm battered tanker, we plough headlong into drama, turmoil and rage. In the same way that you were destined to care and exhibit considerable empathy, you were also damned to be the object of our games and manipulation, all with the aim of provoking you. You were blessed with the skills and traits of an empathic individual, but that blessing came with a price. You were cursed to become a prime target for our kind and to suffer the tortuous examinations of our warped minds that aimed to engender an emotional response from you. This would initially be benign but with that sinking sense of inevitable dread it would become one where you had no choice but to be subjected to manipulation, attack, insult and provocation. Riling you became the key objective. This would not work with those who are not of your stock. They would not be sucked in to begin with, or they would recognise what was happening and walk away and stay away. Not you, your empathic traits force you to try and heal and to fix despite the alarming levels of contemptuous harassment, abuse and demeaning treatment. Your empathy binds you to your tormentor as he or she delights in prodding you each and every day to garner that emotional reaction. You were raised to heal yet destined to be riled and all by our savage tongue and stinging hand.

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9 thoughts on “Born to be Riled”

  1. Pretty much sums me up.

    HG – I know Alexis has asked you on another post about narcissists faking illness could you give some information on this.

    My ex N was ill suffered with kidney stones had them every year I was with him always involved being in hospital I know it to be true as I visited him and took him home.
    He also used to constantly complain. About headaches, nosebleeds, high blood pressure, depression. He even told me what medication for depression he was on. He told me to get his secondment he had to knock it on the head or he wouldn’t get the job.
    After his discard of me his family have told me he didn’t suffer with depression his son said I wouldn’t be surprised if he hasn’t googled it and made it up !!!! Now that’s sick in itself.

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    1. There will be an article on our use of illnesses but the rationale is simple. You are getting attention and we want it back on us. You have a headache, we have a brain tumour, you have sprained your wrist, our arm must be broken, you have a cold, we have pneumonia. We have to better you, draw attention on to us and woe betide you if you do not provide us with the sympathy we deserve. As for your illness, who cares? Not us. Of course Baron Munchausen was one of us and thus that is why the syndrome named after him is apt for our kind.

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  2. My story of life too. Even my first real bf I had at 19 is today a an N. The type of HG 😂😂😂 impecable designer clothes, top brand car, top job etc etc. He was already that at 19 and got even more now I see in FB… Anyway this article made me sad .. And sadder this morning when I discover my ex came during the weekend home to pick up the kids and he had once given me a piano as birthday present when we were married and this weekend he profited I was not there to destroy a corner of the piano….. And left the pieces if wood ontop for me to see…I guess this is fuel for him right HG?
    He always destroyed my nice things and when I would ask him very calmly and in my normal tone of voice because I rarely scream…he would accuse me of being crazy as I had no proof and that I should visit the psychiatrist…..
    HG is this a very potent type of fuel destroying property?? Im so sad I did not sleep much 😓😓😓

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    1. Hi Nikita, the destruction of your property is a form of fury and is used to manipulate you. Yes the damage to the piano is fuel for him. He is reminding you that he can still affect the things that you hold dear and he will be aware that this damage will upset you and therefore he will draw fuel from it. The destruction of property is done to draw a reaction, so that I where the potency of the fuel comes from. It is also a key method of achieving gas lighting and a smear campaign by hiding, selling or breaking your property but removing the evidence so that you react and then we accuse you of being crazy because there is no evidence of it ever having happened.

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  3. Thanks HG. yes thats how it is do and leave no evidence.. The perfect crime but commited too many times that it becomes obvious.

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  4. 13 years with a narcissist. This is all too familiar. I can predict his moves and it makes him angry… Still trying to find my way out. Not sure I’m ever going to succeed.

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  5. Thank goodness I’d had 20 years of a normal relationship with someone whom I knew loved and cared for me before my visit to PlanetNarc.
    Ginger don’t be defeated, All will be Well, you just have to believe you can succeed.

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  6. tongue and hands needs a strong control… its easy to be nice to one person but hard or impossible when the person become challenging? not for me. ..

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