Sick to Death

We are strong, powerful and impervious to illness or injury. We are a bastion of invulnerability, a veritable shining example of radiant health and vitality. Our superiority means we stand head and shoulders above everyone else and the weakness that comes with ill health and infirmity is not something that affects us. Except when we decide it must. That is when we play the sickness card. There are three instances, in the main, when we do this.

The first is when we do actually suffer from some illness or an injury. It may just be a fractured eyelash but to us we have been blinded with a red hot poker. The pain, good Lord the pain, it is too great and intense. It wracks us and has us twisted up in agony. Come on empath, do something. Do something now. Soothe our fevered brows, splint our broken limbs and bind our wounds. You must drop anything and everything. Forget being at work today, you must call in and excuse yourself no matter how inconvenient, for you are required to don a nurse’s outfit and do your best Florence Nightingale impression for us. This slight snuffle is pneumonia you know and to top it all it is your fault. You insisted on the window of the bedroom being left open, now see what you have done. I may not last the week. You would like that wouldn’t you, you ungrateful bitch after everything that I have done for you. You did it on purpose. You wanted me to be ill so you could see me suffer. That is how nasty and selfish you are. Is it any wonder I have been off with other women when this is how I am treated by somebody who is supposed to love me? Yes the smallest spot, minor ache and slight cough are all that is needed to enable us to declare that we are on our death beds. It is good for several uses. First of all, we will use it to avoid doing things such as household chores or attending an event that you wanted to go to. Secondly, it means you must give us plenty of attention by looking after us. Those soothing words and hot water bottles brought to our bedside all provide us with fuel. Thirdly, we are able to provoke you by being demanding and castigating you for not living up to expectations. You didn’t bring that hot lemon drink soon enough or those are the wrong pills. We will compare you to others, ” My mother would do a better job of looking after me than you.” All of which is designed to cause a reaction from you.

The second occasion on which we will play the sickness card is when you are ill or injured. We are not here to look after you. Good Lord, not at all. Why should we? That is not our role. We are too busy looking for fuel and we do not have the time or energy to spend engaged in nursing you. Not only of course are we devoid of the concept of feeling that we should care and that we should feel sorry and compassionate for someone who is unwell, we do not regard it as a task that is worthy of someone as brilliant as us. If you moan enough so that we are compelled to call out a doctor we will pronounce our own diagnosis in order to align ourselves with the brilliance of the medic. When he concludes what ailment it is you are suffering from we will declare,

“Yes, I said to her that that was what was wrong with her, but she won’t listen to me doctor, she insisted on getting you out. I am sorry she has wasted your time.”

We get to denigrate you and upset you whilst showing off how clever we are because we knew what was wrong with you (even though we did not) and the doctor accords with us. We may as well steal a segment of the doctor’s brilliance for our construct whilst he is here mightn’t we?

We will then invite the doctor to examine our shoulder or leg as we go to great lengths explaining how much pain we are in. This keeps the spotlight firmly on us and has you annoyed that we have hijacked your consultation. We will look to declare we are far worse off than you. You have a cold, well we have flu. We will use this as an opportunity to accuse you of attention seeking (nice bit of projection there) as we point out how selfish you are for being ill when we are. We have no interest in tending to you and we need to make the situation all about us. Accordingly, we will fake an illness or an injury in order to trump yours.

The third reason as to why we will play the sickness card is when we are low on fuel and low on energy. There may be any number of reasons why this state of affairs has arisen. You may be getting wise to some of our manipulative behaviour and therefore you are not reacting as often so that the level and quality of fuel that you provide is reduced. We may also have a natural dip in our energy levels or feel some degree of vulnerability which means that our resources are being stretched rather thin. This makes it difficult for us to seek out additional sources of fuel. This diminution in fuel reduces our power and this risks the craven creature that lurks within trying to escape and making itself heard. When this happens, the creature’s whisperings remind us of our weakened selves. We are not ill. We are not injured. What we are however is feeling weakened, as if we are ill or injured. Accordingly, we play the sickness card in order to obtain an emergency injection of fuel from you or whoever else might be to hand. As an empathic individual you are programmed to respond to this and you cannot resist the opportunity to exhibit your caring nature in order to help us out and nurse us. The attention you lavish on us provides us with fuel and we begin to feel more powerful again. The creature’s catcalls fade as he is subsumed within the prison of our constructed edifice once again and our supremacy returns. Our weakness lifts thanks to this provision of fuel from you and this has been instigated by us playing the sickness card. We will do this to garner sympathy from you, from family and friends and also from health professionals. Our favourite ailments of course are of the invisible variety. Depression, a stomach pain or a bad back. We are brilliant actors and ham up our suffering. The portrayal of our poor sick self would please Ferris Bueller. As with most things it is just another fabrication designed to manipulate you and provide us with fuel but you must never dare question us. We of course have researched the symptoms thoroughly and our Munchausen Syndrome is most prevalent. You are duty bound to help us rise from our sick bed or you are a bad person and we will cut you out of our will in the event that this terrible affliction sends us to the reaper. You will be sick to death of our illnesses and injuries but you will be duty bound to attend to them.

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31 thoughts on “Sick to Death”

  1. OMG! Loser would accuse me of using a red-hot poker finger when I was gently shaking him to get him to stop snoring. If I accidentally pulled a hair when I was giving him on of his thirty-year free haircuts, he accused me of pulling his hair out (and they had barbs on the end of them, which made it incredibly painful.)

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  2. And, when I had knee surgery, he dropped me off at the driveway (the day after) with no concern that the children had to be at soccer practice that afternoon. Yep. They’re a different breed, alright. It’s all about them.

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  3. Mine was / is faking a long term terminal illness. Pulling it off to everyone, he’s researched it well enough to fool everyone else. And this was how he sucked me in !!

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      1. Very interesting article though HG. Thanks for sharing. It makes so much sense. Mine has researched it inside out. It would take a very clever person to pull this one off, but an even more clever one to observe the very slight flaws 😉 😉 😉

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    1. Curious, what made you think the illness is faked? Maybe he is sick and simply misunderstood some medical jargon, or read some nonsense on the internet about his disease and is quoting that, or perhaps acting strangely to hide some of the more humiliating aspects of treatment?

      I am a nurse and you would be amazed at the lengths that some will go to, for many reasons.

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      1. Kat, I’d love to tell you, it’s so specific that it would be too identifying so I don’t want to post on a public forum. I don’t think there is any way to pm you on here ?

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    2. Alexis,
      I completely understand and would love to talk to you privately, so I’ll send HG my details and hopefully he’ll pass them onto you.

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      1. Lol!
        Joke’s on you, I’ve been told by several seemingly reliable empaths that I don’t have one.
        But thank you, kind sir 🙂

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  4. Its posts like this that makes me realize how happy I am to be rid of my 2 year old baby. My narc contacted me today wanted to see me. And when that did not work he got his worker idiots to try and get to me. Well done to me. I was very very tempted but luckily when I refused that his oh so sexy abusive ugly mouth of his reminded me why I am not with him any more. And he still has not bragged about the new shiny one anywhere, wonder why. Stopped wondering… cause I really do not care. So thank you for this post. Your kind is exhausting and so not worth it at all.

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  5. Brilliantly written yet again, HG!

    This is half of my goddamned family.
    For as long as I can remember, they have been whining, self diagnosing and trying to outdo each other.
    They call each other up and the bidding begins:
    “I’ll see your back spasm and raise you a migraine and slipped disc…”
    And god forbid if you fail to make the right noises, you get the deep sigh and
    “Oh never mind. I shouldn’t be wasting your time. I’ll be dead soon and then I won’t be such a burden on everyone…”

    Then of course they call other members of family up and whine about how the other was such an insensitive bastard, blabbering about their slipped disc and migraine when you might be dying from a tumour that has spread to your spine (why else would you be getting back spasms?!).
    Round and round and round they go. Logic and reason are abandoned on the wayside.

    I think the day my uber hypochondriac uncle was diagnosed with lung cancer was the best day of his life. See, he was right all along! Now we will all be sorry we didn’t listen to him all those years he told of us how sick he was!

    All the children’s ailments, including any bowel issues, were discussed as well, with absolutely no thought to the child’s privacy or embarrassment. They used it to triangulate.
    ” My son has a bad flu because you left the car windows down when you drove him home! You knew he had a test and now he is going to fail. I hope you enjoyed that open window!”
    Then of course call the other members to complain about the saboteur who knowingly endangered their sweet child’s life!

    The part about the doctor is spot on too! Except my family diagnose themselves and then argue with the doctors and nurses until they get an answer that satisfies them. An x-ray, blood test, MRI…all testament of them knowing better, being smarter, than the doctors.

    I read a theory that since personality disordered individuals generally have shallow, fleeting emotions, they can’t help but concentrate on and exaggerate any physical ailment, no matter how minor.
    It’s an interesting theory, but I think you are right. It’s attention seeking behaviour.

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  6. Hi HG
    Another enlightening read.My ex was constantly ill, migraines, stoamch problems, back pain, depression, a fatty liver, blood pressure and borderline diabetic. He even went for CBT for his depression and told me what antidepressants he was on. However his son has since told me his dads never suffered with depression he said I bet he’s researched it, all ust as you write.

    However his genuine painful kidney stones which he had each year I was with him were genuine but he didn’t complain as such although my birthday was spent in the hospital awaiting his discharge. Don’t understand why when it was genuine there was less of a song and dance ?

    He also took loads of tablets herbal this and that.
    When I was bed ridden with flu after 2 weeks I got are you not better yet I miss you( we didn’t live together) he didn’t visit me as he said he couldn’t afford to be off sick.

    I suffer with severe SI joint pain and when I could hardly walk he would slap me on my back knowing the pain would be excruciating 😢

    When I had to go to hospital he didn’t want to come with made no end of excuses so went on my own.

    Good luck to his new prey

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  7. Nikita
    The sad thing is I cared for him and loved him he hooked me in the beginning good and proper. Even bought a Labrador after mine passed. He said I know how much you miss your dog watching you when you see other people with dogs is like watching a woman who’s list her baby. So nice got one so you can share her with me and have all the good stuff without the hassles of bills. ( I was poor now after paying for my dogs chemo and still paying my ex husbands debt off)
    3 weeks after getting his / our chocolate Labrador he was bored and was saying things weren’t working between us but I could keep the dog !!
    I said no she’s yours and I don’t want to be friends and walked out like a fool I let him Hoover me up again.

    It was him who discarded me and married another 14 weeks later. 😓

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  8. Nikita who’s lucky me or her hopefully me. I follow your posts to. It’s good to know we’re not alone. Maybe reading and learning we may make it more difficult for these vampires to hunt.
    Sorry HG 😊

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    1. Freedom of course you are the lucky girl. If my ex would have discarded me and married someone else then I would have not wasted 14 years of my life with him…,

      yes its somehow conforting to know We are not alone.
      I like the knowledge i have acquiered in this blog. Its for me the best blog on the subject I have ever read.

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  9. I’m quoting part of your post here because I’m absolutely AMAZED how much this sounds EXACTLY like my fiance’s daughter. I couldn’t have described her better than you just did – it’s so weird how timely this is, too. Just last week, she and her mother had a neighbor call us and let us know how “horribly” she’s doing. Apparently she’s really “depressed” – like you said, the invisible kind of ailment that she can really ham up. So, she’s been having these weird crying spells where she curls up in balls and won’t get out. She’s been wandering off alone into “unsafe” places alone. Immediately after hearing from the neighbor, my fiance (her dad) texted her for the first time in like 11 months. So if she was looking for an emergency injection of supply it absolutely worked 100%. And lo and behold, of course, she’s not responded to his text. So she baited him into texting so that she could get some good satisfaction out of her evil silent treatment (that we had grown to ignore and be apathetic about).

    What do you expect will happen now? She hadn’t gotten supply from us for nearly a year, so we knew she was going to be manufacturing up some scheme for attention and then sure enough, this happens and she gets her supply (because he texted). Do you think she will play this mental illness thing out or move on to something else? The thing about this that I think may keep it coming is the fact that she got SUCH a quick blast of supply for her efforts.

    Oh. and apparently 2 months ago, she was taken to the emergency room at the medical hospital (that he works at) because of some kind of an anxiety episode -obviously hoping that someone he knows (or he himself) would be there and word could get back to him and he could feel like a horrible person for not knowing about it and helping take care of her. But word never got back to us and we didn’t know about it until that call last week – so it hasn’t happened again because obviously she didn’t receive any supply from that behavior.

    I’m so annoyed that she’s going out of her way to have other people solicit out attention from us towards her. Who knows when and with who this kind of bullshit will stop with. Anyway, I’m pasting this part into this entry because this is EXACTLY word for word about his daughter:

    “The third reason as to why we will play the sickness card is when we are low on fuel and low on energy. There may be any number of reasons why this state of affairs has arisen. You may be getting wise to some of our manipulative behaviour and therefore you are not reacting as often so that the level and quality of fuel that you provide is reduced. We may also have a natural dip in our energy levels or feel some degree of vulnerability which means that our resources are being stretched rather thin. This makes it difficult for us to seek out additional sources of fuel. This diminution in fuel reduces our power and this risks the craven creature that lurks within trying to escape and making itself heard. When this happens, the creature’s whisperings remind us of our weakened selves. We are not ill. We are not injured. What we are however is feeling weakened, as if we are ill or injured. Accordingly, we play the sickness card in order to obtain an emergency injection of fuel from you or whoever else might be to hand. As an empathic individual you are programmed to respond to this and you cannot resist the opportunity to exhibit your caring nature in order to help us out and nurse us. The attention you lavish on us provides us with fuel and we begin to feel more powerful again. “

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  10. I’m quoting part of your post here because I’m absolutely AMAZED how much this sounds EXACTLY like my fiance’s daughter. I couldn’t have described her better than you just did – it’s so weird how timely this is, too. Just last week, she and her mother had a neighbor call us and let us know how “horribly” she’s doing. Apparently she’s really “depressed” – like you said, the invisible kind of ailment that she can really ham up. So, she’s been having these weird crying spells where she curls up in balls and won’t get out. She’s been wandering off alone into “unsafe” places alone. Immediately after hearing from the neighbor, my fiance (her dad) texted her for the first time in like 11 months. So if she was looking for an emergency injection of supply it absolutely worked 100%. And lo and behold, of course, she’s not responded to his text. So she baited him into texting so that she could get some good satisfaction out of her evil silent treatment (that we had grown to ignore and be apathetic about).

    What do you expect will happen now? She hadn’t gotten supply from us for nearly a year, so we knew she was going to be manufacturing up some scheme for attention and then sure enough, this happens and she gets her supply (because he texted). Do you think she will play this mental illness thing out or move on to something else? The thing about this that I think may keep it coming is the fact that she got SUCH a quick blast of supply for her efforts.

    Oh. and apparently 2 months ago, she was taken to the emergency room at the medical hospital (that he works at) because of some kind of an anxiety episode -obviously hoping that someone he knows (or he himself) would be there and word could get back to him and he could feel like a horrible person for not knowing about it and helping take care of her. But word never got back to us and we didn’t know about it until that call last week – so it hasn’t happened again because obviously she didn’t receive any supply from that behavior.

    I’m so annoyed that she’s going out of her way to have other people solicit out attention from us towards her. Who knows when and with who this kind of bullshit will stop with. Anyway, I’m pasting this part into this entry because this is EXACTLY word for word about his daughter:

    “The third reason as to why we will play the sickness card is when we are low on fuel and low on energy. There may be any number of reasons why this state of affairs has arisen. You may be getting wise to some of our manipulative behaviour and therefore you are not reacting as often so that the level and quality of fuel that you provide is reduced. We may also have a natural dip in our energy levels or feel some degree of vulnerability which means that our resources are being stretched rather thin. This makes it difficult for us to seek out additional sources of fuel. This diminution in fuel reduces our power and this risks the craven creature that lurks within trying to escape and making itself heard. When this happens, the creature’s whisperings remind us of our weakened selves. We are not ill. We are not injured. What we are however is feeling weakened, as if we are ill or injured. Accordingly, we play the sickness card in order to obtain an emergency injection of fuel from you or whoever else might be to hand. As an empathic individual you are programmed to respond to this and you cannot resist the opportunity to exhibit your caring nature in order to help us out and nurse us. The attention you lavish on us provides us with fuel and we begin to feel more powerful again. “

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  11. I’m quoting part of your post here because I’m absolutely AMAZED how much this sounds EXACTLY like my fiance’s daughter. I couldn’t have described her better than you just did – it’s so weird how timely this is, too. Just last week, she and her mother had a neighbor call us and let us know how “horribly” she’s doing. Apparently she’s really “depressed” – like you said, the invisible kind of ailment that she can really ham up. So, she’s been having these weird crying spells where she curls up in balls and won’t get out. She’s been wandering off alone into “unsafe” places alone. Immediately after hearing from the neighbor, my fiance (her dad) texted her for the first time in like 11 months. So if she was looking for an emergency injection of supply it absolutely worked 100%. And lo and behold, of course, she’s not responded to his text. So she baited him into texting so that she could get some good satisfaction out of her evil silent treatment (that we had grown to ignore and be apathetic about).

    What do you expect will happen now? She hadn’t gotten supply from us for nearly a year, so we knew she was going to be manufacturing up some scheme for attention and then sure enough, this happens and she gets her supply (because he texted). Do you think she will play this mental illness thing out or move on to something else? The thing about this that I think may keep it coming is the fact that she got SUCH a quick blast of supply for her efforts.

    Oh. and apparently 2 months ago, she was taken to the emergency room at the medical hospital (that he works at) because of some kind of an anxiety episode -obviously hoping that someone he knows (or he himself) would be there and word could get back to him and he could feel like a horrible person for not knowing about it and helping take care of her. But word never got back to us and we didn’t know about it until that call last week – so it hasn’t happened again because obviously she didn’t receive any supply from that behavior.

    I’m so annoyed that she’s going out of her way to have other people solicit out attention from us towards her. Who knows when and with who this kind of bullshit will stop with. Anyway, I’m pasting this part into this entry because this is EXACTLY word for word about his daughter:

    “The third reason as to why we will play the sickness card is when we are low on fuel and low on energy. There may be any number of reasons why this state of affairs has arisen. You may be getting wise to some of our manipulative behaviour and therefore you are not reacting as often so that the level and quality of fuel that you provide is reduced. We may also have a natural dip in our energy levels or feel some degree of vulnerability which means that our resources are being stretched rather thin. This makes it difficult for us to seek out additional sources of fuel. This diminution in fuel reduces our power and this risks the craven creature that lurks within trying to escape and making itself heard. When this happens, the creature’s whisperings remind us of our weakened selves. We are not ill. We are not injured. What we are however is feeling weakened, as if we are ill or injured. Accordingly, we play the sickness card in order to obtain an emergency injection of fuel from you or whoever else might be to hand. As an empathic individual you are programmed to respond to this and you cannot resist the opportunity to exhibit your caring nature in order to help us out and nurse us. The attention you lavish on us provides us with fuel and we begin to feel more powerful again. “

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  12. I’m quoting part of your post here because I’m absolutely AMAZED how much this sounds EXACTLY like my fiance’s daughter. I couldn’t have described her better than you just did – it’s so weird how timely this is, too. Just last week, she and her mother had a neighbor call us and let us know how “horribly” she’s doing. Apparently she’s really “depressed” – like you said, the invisible kind of ailment that she can really ham up. So, she’s been having these weird crying spells where she curls up in balls and won’t get out. She’s been wandering off alone into “unsafe” places alone. Immediately after hearing from the neighbor, my fiance (her dad) texted her for the first time in like 11 months. So if she was looking for an emergency injection of supply it absolutely worked 100%. And lo and behold, of course, she’s not responded to his text. So she baited him into texting so that she could get some good satisfaction out of her evil silent treatment (that we had grown to ignore and be apathetic about).

    What do you expect will happen now? She hadn’t gotten supply from us for nearly a year, so we knew she was going to be manufacturing up some scheme for attention and then sure enough, this happens and she gets her supply (because he texted). Do you think she will play this mental illness thing out or move on to something else? The thing about this that I think may keep it coming is the fact that she got SUCH a quick blast of supply for her efforts.

    Oh. and apparently 2 months ago, she was taken to the emergency room at the medical hospital (that he works at) because of some kind of an anxiety episode -obviously hoping that someone he knows (or he himself) would be there and word could get back to him and he could feel like a horrible person for not knowing about it and helping take care of her. But word never got back to us and we didn’t know about it until that call last week – so it hasn’t happened again because obviously she didn’t receive any supply from that behavior.

    I’m so annoyed that she’s going out of her way to have other people solicit out attention from us towards her. Who knows when and with who this kind of bullshit will stop with. Anyway, I’m pasting this part into this entry because this is EXACTLY word for word about his daughter:

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  13. I’m quoting part of your post here because I’m absolutely AMAZED how much this sounds EXACTLY like my fiance’s daughter. I couldn’t have described her better than you just did – it’s so weird how timely this is, too. Just last week, she and her mother had a neighbor call us and let us know how “horribly” she’s doing. Apparently she’s really “depressed” – like you said, the invisible kind of ailment that she can really ham up. So, she’s been having these weird crying spells where she curls up in balls and won’t get out. She’s been wandering off alone into “unsafe” places alone. Immediately after hearing from the neighbor, my fiance (her dad) texted her for the first time in like 11 months. So if she was looking for an emergency injection of supply it absolutely worked 100%. And lo and behold, of course, she’s not responded to his text. So she baited him into texting so that she could get some good satisfaction out of her evil silent treatment (that we had grown to ignore and be apathetic about).

    What do you expect will happen now? She hadn’t gotten supply from us for nearly a year, so we knew she was going to be manufacturing up some scheme for attention and then sure enough, this happens and she gets her supply (because he texted). Do you think she will play this mental illness thing out or move on to something else? The thing about this that I think may keep it coming is the fact that she got SUCH a quick blast of supply for her efforts.

    Oh. and apparently 2 months ago, she was taken to the emergency room at the medical hospital (that he works at) because of some kind of an anxiety episode -obviously hoping that someone he knows (or he himself) would be there and word could get back to him and he could feel like a horrible person for not knowing about it and helping take care of her. But word never got back to us and we didn’t know about it until that call last week – so it hasn’t happened again because obviously she didn’t receive any supply from that behavior.

    I’m so annoyed that she’s going out of her way to have other people solicit out attention from us towards her. Who knows when and with who this kind of bullshit will stop with. Anyway, I’m pasting this part into this entry because this is EXACTLY word for word about his daughter:

    “The third reason as to why we will play the sickness card is when we are low on fuel and low on energy. There may be any number of reasons why this state of affairs has arisen. You may be getting wise to some of our manipulative behaviour and therefore you are not reacting as often so that the level and quality of fuel that you provide is reduced. We may also have a natural dip in our energy levels or feel some degree of vulnerability which means that our resources are being stretched rather thin. This makes it difficult for us to seek out additional sources of fuel. This diminution in fuel reduces our power and this risks the craven creature that lurks within trying to escape and making itself heard. When this happens, the creature’s whisperings remind us of our weakened selves. We are not ill. We are not injured. What we are however is feeling weakened, as if we are ill or injured. Accordingly, we play the sickness card in order to obtain an emergency injection of fuel from you or whoever else might be to hand. As an empathic individual you are programmed to respond to this and you cannot resist the opportunity to exhibit your caring nature in order to help us out and nurse us. The attention you lavish on us provides us with fuel and we begin to feel more powerful again. “

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  14. I rarely get sick, but when I do, he says, “You’re always sick.”
    I have had him call me “Sicky”. He acts as if it is a inconvenience to him. Unbelievable.
    He was in a car accident and now has immobilizing back pain. He is suing, but it takes time. He has already refused a few offers for a settlement. He is now waiting for his big “payday”.

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  15. No the hell I won’t. I’m done with that nonsense…ignore them and they will find a new source or target. I mean give them no response, nothing. Go about your daily routine because it’s all Smoke and Mirrors. Who cares about them, they don’t care about us. They’ve been conning us since the day they started profiling us…Let them cough themselves into congestive heart failure for all I care for duping me into thinking they were such nice people. They are Evil and get what they have given in the end. They just don’t get and they never will. They do not care, period…Truly a disgusting show of idiotic proportions at its finest, Tudor..Thanks for the insight, it liberating….

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