Seconds Out – Round One

I know a number of you ask about my interactions with the good doctors, Dr E and Dr O so I thought I would take you back. Way back. My first involvement with these people of medicine was not with Dr E or Dr O but a fellow who I shall refer to as Dr M. I thought I would take you back to my first meeting with Dr M. It was a cold winter’s day when I entered the elegant building where Dr M had his consulting rooms. They are in the same building as where I would later learn that Dr E and Dr O practise. I was shown into a drawing room which had an open fire but it was not lit. The room was warm nevertheless. Dr M was already sat in front of his expansive desk. He rose to greet me but I walked straight past him and sat in a chair. He tried not to look taken aback but I knew that he was. He sat down and adjusted his position as he placed his fingertips together creating a triangle and rested his hands on his chest. He was clearly trying to conjure up an image of intelligence. I was not impressed.

“Good morning Mr Tudor, I am Dr M. I will be working with you. Thank you for addressing the administrative details with my secretary, I appreciate it is a bit of a bind but the paperwork needs to be in place. I thought that today we could just have a general discussion rather than launch into specifics. A fireside chat if you will. I usually take notes but I am not going to do so today. So let me ask how are you?”

I said nothing. I looked at the doctor’s shoes. I noticed he was wearing Chelsea boots which interested me but not enough to comment on it. The doctor waited and I could hear a clock ticking in the room. It was somewhere behind me. There was no other sound. The walls in this old building were thick, not like the tissue and spit of modern constructions. The door was solid as well. No noise would be heard from beyond and I reasoned nobody would hear what was said in here either.

“I asked how are you?” the doctor repeated after a moment of waiting. I shifted my gaze to look at him but I still said nothing. He seemed unfazed by my silence.

“Very well. Let’s begin by discussing why you are with me today.”

I waited but there was no question. I remained silent. I looked over at Dr M’s desk. It was an antique partner’s made from mahogany and was inset with maroon leather. It was one of those large desks which had draws on both sides so that a partner, in whatever business it might be, would sit on one side and an underling, some kind of clerk, would sit directly opposite him sharing the desk. There was a large leather chair on the other side of the desk. The top of the desk bore a couple of books although I could not read the titles from where I was sat and a neat pile of papers. I could see a pen lying on its side also.

“I appreciate you do not want to be here but you are now. In order for us to help one another we do need to have a conversation,” said Dr M.

I flicked my gaze back at him and focussed on his suit. It was navy, heavy looking most likely wool. There was a pinstripe in the material. I wondered if he purchased two pairs of trousers with the suit. He looked like a man who spent a lot of time on his backside and this would mean the woollen crotch of his trousers would soon wear away. A second pair was a must. I glanced at Dr M’s crotch to try and ascertain if I could see a whole forming. A small opening in the trousers through which his doubtless white underwear could be viewed. So far the wool was holding out.

“Very well. Why don’t you tell me something about yourself?” he invited.

I was nonplussed earlier but now I was becoming bored. I let my eyes wander over to the fireplace. It was substantial and I thought it was a pity that there was no fire lit. I could see logs stacked up inside the fireplace but the flames were absent. No doubt it would contravene patient safety having a fire in here. I baulked at using the word patient. That was what he regarded me as. I was no patient. I was not some drooling imbecile wheeled in by white uniformed staff and followed by anxious relatives. I was no drink-addled half-wit whose brain had turned to mush through years of alcohol abuse so he would routinely soil himself. Those were the type of degenerates, admittedly well-looked after degenerates that normally came to these places.

“Whenever you are ready Mr Tudor,” he gave me a short smile which I assume was meant to reassure me. I looked at him again and fixed him with a stare. Interestingly he met my gaze. His expression was not challenging not was it threatening. He just looked at me as I looked at him. He glanced towards his desk and then moved slightly in his seat. Yes he was prone to fidgeting, that crotch would soon be worn away on that suit. His shirt was white which amused me. Only police officers and airline pilots wear white shirts. Even though I could see it was expensive it should not have been white. I did notice that it was double-cuffed so that was something at least. Single cuff would have generated scorn and heaven forbid he wore a short-sleeve shirt under a suit jacket I would have walked straight out.

“We have plenty of time, so just when you are comfortable.”

Indeed we did have plenty of time. Two hours’ worth thanks to the power of my parents’ cheque book. So the pair of us sat in that grand drawing room with the absent fire and let two hours pass in complete silence. Dr M said nothing more as he waited for me to speak and I said nothing more as I had nothing to say to him. I concentrated on using my silence to make him feel uncomfortable. I could tell by the way he kept shifting in his seat he wanted to speak or listen. He made to speak on several occasions but something prevented him from doing so. I occupied my thoughts with planning the rest of my day and also how I might entice his frosty looking but obviously hugely efficient secretary into my world. I ran through a variety of scenarios which made the time pass rather quickly. I was almost taken by surprised when Dr M cleared his throat and spoke.

“Well our time is at end this week Mr Tudor. I shall see you again next week same day and the same time. Good day,” he said pleasantly as he rose from his seat.

I said nothing. I walked past him and headed to the door as the surge began inside me.

Round one to HG.

40 thoughts on “Seconds Out – Round One

  1. Kasia says:

    What consequences would you have if you hadn’t come to this psychologist? Was it ordered by a court?

  2. Nonplussed ? you use the term in the American sense surely ,,,,

  3. rob says:

    Someone’s watched Good Will Hunting.

  4. MLA-Clarece says:

    Less about stare downs and more meat & potatoes, meaning let’s get an update on Dr. E, Dr. O & if possible Dr. S. This reminded me of the movie Goodwill Hunting with Matt Damon & Robin Williams.

    1. malignnarc says:

      Stop staring at Dr M’s meat and potatoes Clarece.

      1. Nikita says:

        LOL this was very good. Thanks for the laugh after such a work day. 😂😂😂😃

        1. malignnarc says:

          The pleasure is all mine. As usual.

      2. Sheila says:

        And that`s my laugh before I head to work… I had the most vivid mental image of you channeling Mike Meyers as Austin Powers with that comment HG! Hahaha

        1. malignnarc says:

          I have better teeth. He has more chest hair.

      3. MLA - Clarece says:

        Dr. M would welcome it…

        1. malignnarc says:

          Ha ha naughty naughty

  5. Sheila says:

    Fool me, HG is right, once an empath, always an empath. The trick with turning it off is actually to re-direct it. For instance I threw myself into animal rescue, no time for stupid humans! 😉 It was also a really good early warning system to discovering quickly I had let an N under my shield again. Total lack of care for 2 very fragile rescue puppies he was ‘taking care of for a short time’ for me while I was at work. He also got to see my Fury in all it’s glory and I can do Fury as well or better then an N when it comes to the health and well-being of defenseless animals. My eyes, that he frequently complimented, shot laser beams at him. I spent the entire night up nursing the pups and trying to find a 24 hr Vet in case I couldn’t get them re-hydrated and alert.
    Things were very much on the downhill slide with that eye-opener to his disregard for anything but himself.

    1. Freedom says:

      Sheila in with you I’m kind and caring but you hurt my dog or any defenceless animal and you’ll see my fury and its not pretty. My ex claimed to love animals they liked him which I find strange. When he talked me into getting a dog with him it wasn’t long before he became bored, left chocolate in reachable places would feed food not suitable for her, stopped exercising her and moaned if she barked. When we went out it was always the dogs fault he couldn’t go or do something and would let her off the lead when it wasn’t safe. I would go mad but he’d just carry on. It was awful!
      She’s better off with me why did expect any different as I now know he let his parents bring his son up.

    2. Nikita says:

      Its true sheila. Me too I dedicated 7 years of my life to animal shelter, and there were two cases of extreme animal cruelty ( a guy crushing a kittens head and jaw and another whipping a working horse that had fainted of tiredness) where I felt a warmth in my chest going up to my face. I really never get angry, im the woodstock type of girl … These two times I did not say a word and I dont know if I would have said soemthing because the other rescuers who were with me, some were pretty explosive!! 🌋🌋 and I think if an animal rescuer can rage its a bigger rage than HG’s

    3. foolme1 says:

      Funny you should say that! I started volunteering at the local SPCA. Give me a animal anytime!! Thank you foe the advice. X

  6. Sheila says:

    Thanks for my morning laugh HG. I actually pictured the ex-relationship N in the role of you and it fit so perfectly. You N`s all have the charming (when it`s not directed at us) little boy pout and stubbornness to acknowledge what`s in front of your own face when presented with something you don`t like!

    1. Fool me 1 time says:

      Ha ha ha, written like a true N. Maybe we can come up with a flavor just for you HG? Something bitter and sweet!! What about it ladies ???

      1. malignnarc says:

        I look forward to your suggestions. Something akin to gold-flecked honey springs to mind.

      2. foolme1 says:

        What is it with Na and honey?? My ex always thought he tasted like honey and that I just loved the taste of his sweet honey!! Lol. Anyhow I was thinking more in the line of a sour patch KIDS candy lollipop, all sweet and sugary on the outside but very sour and bitter on the inside! Take care HG.

  7. Nikita says:

    You are such a character 😃😍

  8. foolme1 says:

    HG, you of all people know you do what you have to do when you have to do it!:). Besides can’t blame it all on him! I left it happen! Definitely have alot of issues myself to work on!! But then don’t we all?? Lol

    1. malignnarc says:

      Written like a true empath.

      1. Fool me 1 time says:

        Told you I still have a lot of issues to work on !!! Lol. But I’m sure with your books and this blog. Me being an empath will stop!!

        1. malignnarc says:

          You won’t stop being an empath. That monkey business is in your blood. What you will be is a much better informed empath.

  9. survivednarc says:

    Interesting.. I gather you wanted to show him who was “in charge”. I am already curious about what happened in your second meeting with him. And how the transfer to dr O and dr E came about.. ☺

  10. foolme1 says:

    Brother well! My ex also has a brother 4 years younger and sadly he is following in big brothers foot steps! HG I have been thinking about something you wrote earlier. You had 3 separate categories that you felt we fell into, but I actually have been in all 3! At first I was crushed and angry so when I read your books and found this site I left some of that anger out on you; I don’t even know if that comment found it’s way to you? But the more I learned and the more I read the replys from other victims I began to feel like I was actually starting to heal. And now here I am in the 3rd category actually sending comments to you. Maybe others have done the same.

    1. malignnarc says:

      Hello Foolme, perhaps they have at least you have persevered rather than sat wallowing in despair.

  11. Andria Baxter says:

    Hi HG, would he have won the round if he didn’t try and engage you in conversation ?

    1. malignnarc says:

      Hi Andria,
      No. I have to win. Defeat is not an option.

  12. Freedom says:

    Ha ha Laurel very funny 😊
    Mummy and daddy want to fix their precious ( evil) little boy.
    I bet HGs brother is very nice.

    1. malignnarc says:

      Everyone wants to fix me, it is a professional hazard.

      1. Maddie says:

        with all due respect: if that’s the case, Your parents (probably mostly Mum) needs fixing Herself, for what She has done to You G x….

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Oh she will be fixed.

  13. Hm. Parents are paying….interesting. So, how old are you…twelve?

    1. alexis2015s says:

      That made me laugh laurel 🙂

      1. I love playing with him! He’s really got a good sense of humor!

    2. malignnarc says:

      Eleven. I get a lollipop after every session with the good doctors. It is the only reason I attend.

      1. And what flavor (flavour) do you choose?

        1. malignnarc says:

          Ha ha I see what you did there. Empath flavour although I must admit it does lose its flavour after a time.

          1. No. You missed it. No empathy here…just a play on words (or a snide remark.)

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