Killing With Kindness

I do so enjoy being kind. I want to shower you with acts of generosity, concern and kindness when I first meet you. You are so special and only I can really see that that is the case. Other people have tried to crush the warmth and love inside you, trampling on your like some rare and delicate flower. Not me. I want to pick you and place you inside a jar, shielded from the toxicity of the world. I can nourish you, water you and let you enjoy the warmth from the light than shines from me. I can sense that you have been let down and hurt before. You do not deserve that. Someone as wonderful as you, someone as delicate and giving as you deserves far better. You can rest now though. The search is over. You have found me. I will take care of you now. Nothing will ever trouble you again. I will do so much for you and why not? I am blessed to have found you, but do you know what?  We deserve one another. I have been looking for someone like you all my life, someone who I can dedicate myself to. A person I can protect, love and make happy. That is all I have ever wanted. I know I am surrounded by these trappings of success, that I am in demand from many people who want to be involved with me and share my radiance. It is flattering and humbling at the same time. I am not interested in any of that however. I just want to share my life with someone who I can cherish and worship. Now I can.

I know you have walked a hard and winding road. Those scuffed boots you wear, with holes and the sole hanging off bear testament to that. Not once have you complained of course. That is not your way. You need not take another step though because I will carry you. I will lift you up and with one firm foot planted in front of the other I will carry you away and onwards towards our joint destination. It is a wonderful place. I will whisper in your ear as I carry you and tell you all about how I have made this beautiful paradise. I have created it just for you and I. It is our sanctuary where nobody can find us and nobody can harm us. Sounds idyllic doesn’t it?

I want to soothe your fevered brow, I want to hold your hand when you are frightened and I want to see you smile because of me. I want to be the first person you see when you wake up and the last person you see before you fall asleep. I want to love you, care for you, hold you and protect you.I will fetch and carry for you, I will crawl over broken glass just to hand you a cup of water to quench your thirst. I want you to feel bombarded by my innate kindness, swamped by my good nature and overwhelmed by my fair intentions. I want to deliver to you every minute of every day my warmth and kindness so that it becomes all you know. I want you to become dependent on my charity, my largesse and my generosity. I want you to become hopelessly addicted to my love, my desire and my presence. I want to see myself in your eyes and nothing else. I want to hear my words spoken by your tongue. I want you to mimic everything that I do so that when I point, you point and when I nod, you nod. I want my campaign of kindness to obliterate every semblance of what you once were. I want to destroy what once existed and replace it with my design and my desires. I want to murder who you were and resurrect my creation in your place. I want to kill you with kindness.

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68 thoughts on “Killing With Kindness”

  1. HG it sounds like the same script my ex-relationship N read from! Almost word for word Haha! Too bad for him I saw the trap closing and stepped out before he realized I wasn’t fully inside.

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  2. It says that this post of yours has 666 words… Interesting. 😃 By the way, yes I remember this kindness, especially in the beginning. But also later on, even in the end, when we would discuss.. Then came the puppy dog eyes, and the sentence: “I never wanted to hurt you, all I’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy”. I just wanted to scream, upon hearing those absurd words, from a person who hurt me more than anyone, ever… I don’t really understand why he had to convince me of his “good intentions” even in the end… perhaps to set me up for hoovering? Another thing that contributed seemed to be his complete obsession with maintaining the image of himself as a “good guy”. (Actually being a good guy didn’t seem to matter at all, as long as it looked like it, to the people around him, including me…). Why bother with that when I knew the truth? Haha. Oh well.😃

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    1. Well spotted I did wonder if anyone would. The façade is very important to the outside world and we tell you because we know you have it in for us and we need you to understand that you are the problem,not us.

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      1. Thanks.😊 Hmm, well, I do not agree that I was the problem… since he was the one hurting me, not the other way around.. in his “weaker moments” he would even agree that there was “something wrong with him”. Bah, he said that too, just to “seem” to have a heart. This is going great, see how cynical I am becoming towards the manipulations. In part thanks to your good reminders, with these posts.😊

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    2. I think the ‘I never wanted to hurt you’ speech is also a memorise and burn script from Narc Club too! It’s funny actually, when my N was giving me this speech he was mumbling things under his breath too. I’m not sure if he meant for me to hear or not, but one things he said that stuck with me was “Can’t you see I’ve been leading you on?” and in the next breath out loud saying that he just needs to get his life in order and can’t I just wait and put things in hold until then?
      Ummmm… nope, sorry.. I don’t wait for any man.

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      1. That is quite unsettling, to hear such a statement.. I’ve read about that, that narcissists can sometimes “slip” when speaking, and tell the truth. I’ve never quite experienced it myself though. Good for you, do not wait for anyone, live your life.😊

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  3. You know what? For all we know, you could be some lonely, old man…confined to a room where the only thing he has left are his fantasies….creating a quasi personality to overcome his inadequacies or compensate for his anathema.
    Wouldn’t it be a hoot if that was the case?
    Nice post, by the way.

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      1. Maybe…maybe not. Maybe you’re the Prince of Wales and you’re cheating on your wife…again.
        But…are you a coward like most sociopaths and narcissists? (and I mean that with the utmost respect)
        You never accepted my challenge….why not?

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    1. I am not saying you are a Narcisissit Laurel but I see it like this.
      We come here to learn from HG’s comments and thoughts and writtings and he who has done nothing to you, receives from you naughty comments,
      The words, of lonely old man etc etc in general the whole message is pretty mean and and intent to put him down and I don’t find this adequate.
      Seems like the wrong movie, the readers putting down the narcissist who is only sharing his experiences so that we can “ seize the power”.
      Just dont talk to other people in a way that you would not like other people to talk to you. I adopt this as principle and then never have the chance of being mean to somebody.

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      1. Oh, you misunderstand.We have been bantering back and forth for a while now. I enjoy his sense of humor and he enjoys mine. Bottom line is…I like to play with him and I really like him. He can take it….and he is capable of being just as nasty.
        I have praised him for his honesty and I appreciate it…but I still like to tease him.

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  4. ‘I’ve been looking for someone like you all my life’

    Wow! I’d run for the hills if I heard that again !!

    Are you guys all pre-programmed to say the same things ?

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      1. Hahha you’re not wrong there HG !!

        It’s such a strange feeling being through the other side. Now all these lines are so obvious, and it makes me wonder, how I ever believed them ?

        I can’t imagine ‘not knowing’ what I now know

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      2. That’s a typical response from someone who is enlightened, 20/20 hindsight and all that. Most people have no idea what they have got themselves into. A handful might think there is something not quite right (or usually a friend or relative of the victim might think that) but nobody ever thinks “I am/my friend/my daughter is with a narcissist. Nobody. It is always after the event. Just shows how we can move undetected.

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    1. OMG !! My ex has dated you to Alexis they all appear to say the same thing. I also got I’m so glad your ex husband was an idiot and let you go or we would never have found each other. I’ve never loved anyone like I love you.

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      1. Haha so true Freedom, I don’t mind sharing with you 😉

        So what we need next HG is. Manual on how to deal with the Ns in everyday life. Your book on escape was great. But the Ns are everywhere and they keep trying to ‘get us’. Whether it’s at work or play.

        So I’m well established at dealing with them on a personal level. And your books have helped to refine this !! But what about other situations such as work ? How can we conduct ourselves without becoming a target ? And handling it if we do. I haven’t had any issues at work yet, well not that I couldn’t handle but the higher we empaths progress in our career, the more likely it is that this may be an issue.

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      2. Hi Alexis, thanks for your feedback and the suggestions.I am always open to ideas about topics people would like to know more about. I do have a book planned ‘The Narcissist At Work’ but it is in a preliminary stage at present, Sex and the Narcissist(amongst other things) is occupying me at present but your suggested topic is in the pipeline because as you rightly identify our type do inhabit the higher echelons of business and commerce. I should imagine many people just think their boss is a bully, or domineering and have no idea what he or she really is so I am sure that it will be an eye opener and practical too.

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      3. Oh HG !! I’ve waited so long to hear you say that!! I love you so much and I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. You’re exactly what I’ve been looking for my whole life xx

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      4. There is no jest in my words HG. I actually do mean every word I say. I would never lie to you !! And don’t beleive anyone who tells you any different !! They’re just jealous of us!!

        Anyway, I’m off our, don’t wait up……. Sorry if I ruined your plans…. It wasn’t on purpose, I just have to network tonight, the more I earn, the more I can spend on you.

        Hahahha f*** it !! I think I got carried away with that one !!

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  5. Sadly, i felt so numb reading this blog. So long ago, those were my sentiments how I felt towards love, although I always tried to show that through daily actions rather than just words. However, now, after going thru what I have and being enlightened, I feel like if anyone said any of those things to me it would send me running to the hills out of fear of being suffocated in this type of relationship again. I guess I’ll only watch for actions but I don’t even know if I’m capable of accepting those words and putting any stock in them again.

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  6. This reminds me of something I once read; “The devil doesn’t always have horns and a tail, sometimes he is disguised as everything you ever wanted.”
    You are good H.G…..so very dangerously good.

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      1. Love the ‘boss’ reference… my N even named his ‘boss’… he borrowed it from a reference I made to us having 6 kids like The Brady Bunch. Alice was the ‘good one’ – taking care of everyone and Mel (the butcher, of course another metaphor) was always responsible for messing things up.

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      2. I was telling a friend about you today HG , about this blog , how you give clarity & understanding to those of us searching for the answers to our questions .. She left her home with the clothes she was wearing , no possessions just a flight ticket & accommodation in a refuge. One day I’ll send her the link 🙂

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      3. Thanks So Sad I hope she finds it informative. A rapid exit such as that undertaken by your friend is sometimes the only way to depart especially if there has not been any planning.

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      4. Tell me,H.G., I’m so very curious..
        A narcissist will never truly end a relationship?..the band aide must be ripped off by the empath?.
        The narcissist will drain every last drop of fuel, and come back to consume the carcass?.

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  7. Thank you HG . I’m not sure she’s ready to read BUT neither was I .. I read your posts & like I said I think . you could be ex narc . I know it’s no competition but he’s up there in the Narcs club & probably charming you without you knowing .. How does a narc Know another ??

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  8. Ive been also promoting the blog today and in this closed group in facebook and I now saw that Ross Rossemberg clicked on the link… 😃. The group has 42 people and 14 clicked on the link.
    I am so positive that this blog can help so many people.
    Fascination 😃😃😃

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  9. Again, no reply button! I wanted to touch on the topic of HG’s physical description. Firstly Laurel, I’m sure HG would attempt to discover what your ideals were of an attractive man. This being the make-believe era of the internet it’s quite easy to lie about physical appearance. Secondly, I’m not sure HG would really see his outward appearance as anything less then pleasing unless he stood in front of a mirror for too long and took the chance of his demon making an appearance.

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      1. I have a huge wealth of knowledge about N’s at my fingertips… there’s this really interesting N I know that gives me a backstage pass into the inner workings of the mind of an N 😉

        (I can see the fuel glow from here HG, all the way across the pond!)

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  10. Hi Laurel,
    This jokes that are borderline in between a tease and a joke…. My ex an N by the way, used to this all the time. Make fun of my latin culture which in fact was offensive but according to him a joke.
    To be honest your comment sounded more like a putdown rather than a joke, but anyway, yes if HG wants to be naughty I can imagine he can be naughty.

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      1. Ohh yessss Im in for that kind of naughtiness !!! But there is a problem.
        I dont do 3somes and even less with another woman… Unless Laurel would be just willing to watch. 😉

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  11. Love the reference to “The Boss.” hahaha
    Yes, very kind. Holding my hand. Stroking my hair. Dinner with fantastic conversation. Replacing the brakes on my car. Installing my new dishwasher. Trimming my trees. Going to the doctor with me for follow-up after a lump was seen in my breast on mammogram (Very scary. Turned out to be benign). Calling me every morning and several times a day. And then…… GONE. This last time, he vanished while my mom was in the hospital. She had a cardiac arrest. We nearly lost her. What kind of person does something like that? Wait….. I know now. A malignant narc. The most baffling people on the planet.

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  12. balance -to much cynicism might lead to paranoia and psychosis-maybe good to be able to understand some or loads of complicated perceptions but is mankind forgetting about the simple truths or not learning in the first place-not assuming that anyone in particular hasn’t learned or has forgotten,some very educational and thought provoking material

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