The Language of Love

I have always used the love letter as a method of building my connections with my target. I first started at school when one would write a short note and pass it across the class to the object of one’s affection. With a sideways glance I would watch as she would open the piece of paper up and smile before nudging her friend sat besides her and both would look my way with a smile and a giggle. Ah, from such acorns did my prowess with the billet-doux grow.

Those early ‘romances’ which in truth lasted little more than a month or so before we moved on to someone else gave way to the first proper girlfriend and then more meaningful correspondences sprang up. I remember during the Easter holidays in my penultimate year at school I engaged in an exchange of letters with a young lady who lived in a village a little way from where I lived. She would write a letter and I would receive it the next day. I immediately wrote a reply and she would receive it thenext day. Back and forth our letters went. Of course we had no such thing as Instant Messenger or text messages. E-mail was in its infancy and was certainly not something that was used from home. I remember she wrote on light green paper placed inside a green envelope. It certainly stood out when it arrived on the doormat in the morning. I of course responded by writing (no use of typewriter or word processor back then) on crisp white paper of a decent thickness which would be folded into a third and inserted into an envelope. I still have her letters along with all of the others that I have received. Once in a while I will remove the box from its place of secretion and sit and rifle through the contents. I have no real interest in the content or returning to those moments, I may do it in front of my current partner in order to provoke a reaction from her.

Those early letters exchanged that Easter began as exchanges about what we had been doing each day, talking about other’s friends and then began a mild flirtation. We ended up as girlfriend and boyfriend after the letter writing. This earned me considerable kudos with my peers since the girl in question was held up as one of the most desirable in the year (although looking back I suspect much of that was to do with the fact that she arrived in our first year well-developed for her age). I recall when we went to watch a particular film about Viet Nam at the cinema on of our dates she told me,

“You are not my usual type. I usually go for older boys but I loved what you wrote to me. Nobody has done that before.”

Whilst I cannot of course lay claim to be the only person who has written a love letter, it became apparent that it had become something of a dying art. I do not mean silly notes in class or something that resembles little more than an extract from a diary. Instead I am referring to the sweeping, grand, romantic proclamations of love and desire. Vulgarity is not allowed in these poetic pieces of literature, instead should one wish to express a physical need for coupling then the application of euphemism and analogy came to the fore.

I honed my craft corresponding with girlfriends from university. Invariably we came from different parts of the country and therefore during holidays we wrote to one another. I used this as an opportunity to sharpen my skills and polish my prose. The upshot was that thereafter although there was no real need to write to one another (we lived in the same place or even together) the production of a love letter left on a pillow or placed by a prepared breakfast on the dining table worked magically as a method of seduction.

I had a template of about five differing types of letter and have used them on several different ladies. I would copy them word for word with suitable alterations mutatis mutandis to cater for differences in appearance or demeanour. These crafted missives were powerful indeed. They created strong connections between my target and I. The content was such the lady in question would always be swept off her feet and of course when those loving words became barbed and thorny, she would retreat to where she kept them and weep over the beauty contained in those first letters. Knowing that these letters would be clutched in a shaking hand as the tears rolled down her cheeks however Β many weeks down the line was edifying indeed.

I still use them. In a world governed by technology, text speak and the immediacy of communication, the provision of a hand-written billet-doux has a tremendous effect.

98 thoughts on “The Language of Love

  1. Katie says:

    My narcissist use to tell me she loves me in an e mails, cards, And would Tell me she loved me in voice messages. Only when she was clearly drunk. Never in person.. introverted narcissist?

  2. anasylvie says:

    It is just a game to them.

  3. Nikita says:

    HG a question. I know from the books you confused the names on purpose but did it also happen not on purpose?

  4. anasylvie says:

    My Narc bastard ex boyfriend sent me same love email as his previous girlfriend cause she sent it to me as slap In my face. Why are narcs so unoriginal and cruel that way? Just found your blog and am lovin it!!!!

    1. malignnarc says:

      Thank you. We are unoriginal because we know these methods work the best so why use anything else?

      1. Nikita says:

        If I analyse on why all is just a copy, it also has todo with the fact that you cant feel that love. If I would to write a love letter to you I would listen to my feelings and them put it in words with unique feelings and thoughts but as I inderstand N’s dont feel this love, they cant write an original love letter based on feelings, then they rationally choose the best model of writting and all of them just use this over and over again.
        It makes me think back to school times I used to hate to have to say poems (own written) in front of the class. It would freeze me, i hated it and would not feel anything just panic to have to stand up in front of everybody and say something forced and that I did not feel.
        So what I would do was to every year chose parts of a song of my ultra favorite music group at that time Air supply and put them together in a way that matched and when it was my turn stand there, think about the music to feel more at ease and just get over that task as fast as possible.
        Luckily our English teacher was near to retirement and my class supported me on my copying of air supply .

      2. anasylvie says:

        I guess that make sense for you. Better to minimize your effort to get fuel. I am learning slowly. God, he was crafty. Do you ever confuse the names of women you use for fuel? Thanks for your answer.

        1. malignnarc says:

          Never Anastasia, I mean Anna sorry I mean anasylvie!

          1. anasylvie says:

            All wrong, it is Ana. Got the point though.

  5. Sheila says:

    Oh dearest HG… you try to blind me with the feathers and call yourself an Angel, but I know you are Incubus, not Seraph,

  6. Nikita says:

    Big hugs xx for you too Freedom πŸ˜ƒ

  7. Freedom says:

    Btw that should have said crass words not crast sill predictive text.

  8. DD says:

    I am sorry you feel so sad Nikita.

    1. Nikita says:

      DD thanks. Its okay. Makes me sad to know it was all a plan and not original… But I dont suffer because of that..πŸ˜ƒ . It is like it was… Just that the posting brough me back how happy I had felt to receive that poem πŸ˜ƒThanks anyway.

      1. Freedom says:

        It’s horrible isn’t it Nikita when we find out that if isn’t real. We truly believed they did these actions because they loved us as we loved them. The emotions memories stir up are just as upsetting and painful as when it first came to light that it was all fake and an act.

        Big hugs xx

        1. Nikita says:

          Hi freedom

          Yes its a sad feeling to know its a plan.. On the other side according to HG It has to be like that 😒… I try to understand but nevertheless its sad… i also feel sad for the narcissist. It hurts also to know that whom I loved can only fake… 😒

  9. Sheila says:

    I’m holding out for all 3 as well as no N tendencies. The way things look out there though, it would appear I’m destined to remain single.

    1. Freedoms says:

      It is looking very much like a single life for me also Sheila. But I’ve got my dog who loves me unconditionally.

      1. alexis2015s says:

        There are some good men out there freedom !! Honestly.

        Not that many but there really are some πŸ™‚

        1. malignnarc says:

          And then there are great men.

          1. alexis2015s says:

            Blimey HG, I thought that was just a myth !!

          2. malignnarc says:

            Meet the man, meet the myth!

          3. alexis2015s says:

            Hahahahahha that made me laugh !! Now write another blog for me to read oh great one !!

          4. malignnarc says:

            How can I resist such blatant worshipping?! There will be another arriving in about three hours.

          5. alexis2015s says:

            HG I’m you’re biggest fan !! My name is Stan !! Though you may be a little too well educated to get that one πŸ˜‰

          6. malignnarc says:

            It’s okay I won’t put you in the boot of my car and record a message to Eminem as I drive along.

          7. alexis2015s says:

            Shame πŸ˜‰

          8. malignnarc says:

            I will tie you up however. In circles.

          9. alexis2015s says:

            Bit of a let down to be honest

          10. malignnarc says:

            I am saving the bondage for when you have read Sex and the Narcissist.

          11. Freedom says:

            Is that book out yet HG I’m interested in that to see if it can explain my ex N behaviour in and out of the bedroom.

          12. malignnarc says:

            Should be available in three days’ time Freedom. I am just putting it through its practical paces by way of a road test.

          13. Freedom says:

            I’m sure the lucky lady will enjoy it while it lasts. Practice makes perfect.

          14. malignnarc says:

            Lucky ladies Freedom, ladies.

          15. Freedom says:

            Oh yes I forgot always in the plural it’s only us who are monogamous 😊

          16. alexis2015s says:

            as you brought up the subject of sex HG. I have another question. I have many gay female friends and when we’re out we frequently have guys come and talk to us. This often ends in one of the guys trying to convince my friend(s) that they could convert her. Is this just arrogant idiots ? Or Ns who actually beleive that ?

            We always find it rather Amusing

          17. malignnarc says:

            It may be regarded as arrogant but they are legitimate targets. This is a section in Sex and the Narcissist so I am sure you will be looking for that part straight away !

          18. Freedom says:

            The great men are only in wonderful literature pieces and fairytales. The real ones just have a sense of grandeur in reality they think they are better than they are. Eventually they are uncovered for the cheap imatations they truly are. Wolves in sheeps clothing. Was going to use another analogy of description but changed my mind this was more polite.

          19. alexis2015s says:

            When I first read that, I thought it was a reply from HG ?? Couldn’t believe it !! Then I saw it was from you freedom ! I think you’re right though. I’d still love to hear your other analogy impolite or not πŸ™‚

          20. malignnarc says:

            I teach them well.

          21. Freedom says:

            Alexis is was just filled with crast words and vulgarities. I think I’m better than to sink to that level was letting my emotions get the better if me. Ha ha

            Maybe HG is getting under my skin ha ha

          22. malignnarc says:

            Getting? I am firmly ensconced.

          23. Freedom says:

            Not quite yet HG !

          24. malignnarc says:

            And I thought I was cynical !

          25. Freedom says:

            Nope HG you’re not unique when it comes to cynicism or maybe it’s just a quality I’ve gained from my ex N. A parting gift maybe ?

  10. Sheila says:

    Never received love letters… at least not since public school. Phone calls, emails and text messages like crazy though… none that I would consider “love letter” material… sheeesh… maybe it’s the type I like.. more muscle, less brains?! lol

    1. malignnarc says:

      The media may alter Sheila but the intent remains the same.A handwritten letter of course conveys elegance, sophistication and a good upbringing. Two out of three isn’t bad is it?

      1. Freedom says:

        Didn’t meatloaf song something about 2 out 3 ain’t bad??

        1. malignnarc says:

          I don’t know. When I hear his name I am out of there like a bat out of hell.

          1. Freedom says:

            But only till the morning comes 😜

  11. idodoyouride says:

    may I ask you a question? are all human beings targets to you?

    1. malignnarc says:

      Yes. Although some are better targets than others.

      1. idodoyouride says:

        that’s pretty sad

        1. malignnarc says:

          Maybe. It is certainly necessary.

  12. Nikita says:

    Hurts πŸ˜₯

  13. randym86 says:

    Damn my ex narcissist. There are still days when it’s hard to breathe, concentrate, and eat.I have those letters,and, it’s pains me to think of them. Did you ever use any of your exs’ letters as a template towards future correspondence with someone else? .

    1. malignnarc says:

      Did I use letters from my exes or to them?

      1. randym86 says:

        Sorry for the confusion. I’m asking if you used letters you received from an ex…change the wording some, then give THAT letter to a future source..

        1. malignnarc says:

          Yes, if I saw a phrase I liked I claimed it as my own. Well actually it was mine since I inspired it in the first place.

  14. Nikita says:

    I cant help feeling sad… I was so happy to receive those gifts.. And reading this it appears like a part of a plan πŸ˜₯πŸ˜₯

    1. malignnarc says:

      Everything is part of the plan.

  15. Freedom says:

    I met my narc in the days of technology so our correspondence was via text and email. He never really wanted to chat on the phone . He was very OTT in the beginning and then again just before he departed for his secondment in India. I remember my ex saying you won’t like me when I’m in a mood best to give me space then. When he discarded me he initially kept saying he wanted to stay my friend I’d been his best friend ever. But now he doesn’t need me. But I don’t need any friends like him either.

  16. Peggy's Cove says:

    From what I have read, there seems to be different types of Narcissists, so is it possible that some are in complete denial of their behavior and will never admit their behavior matches the traits of narcissists?.

    1. malignnarc says:

      Hello Peggy, very much the case. Some lack any awareness whatsoever.

  17. Nikita says:

    Its getting scary… You and my ex did go over the same book. I did receive a beautiful poem to my home adress two weeks after the scented scarf… πŸ˜•πŸ˜•πŸ˜Ÿ I remember the fascination I had to receive something handwritten again in my life!!! Today when all is electronic. I was so extremely happy. The poem was beautiful but it was about life but in the background himself πŸ˜‚.
    Lets see if your next posting is the same as the gift that came after the scarf and thr poem. 😁😁

  18. A says:

    Did you spray cologne on the beautiful letters?

    1. malignnarc says:

      Occasionally A, but not often.

      1. Fool me 1 time says:

        HG now that I’ve read fuel I’m sure the hoovering is about to start( in fact I’m sure it has already) I think I shall give him his last taste of fuel from me!! When I receive the text that reads I still want it! I miss my sweet Femdom ( No I am not going into detail!) I will tell him that I no longer have time for him since I have recently joined a new harem! And now I belong to the most Beautiful, Wonderful, Intelligent, Narc in the world!! One that he absolutely has no chance of coming to close to!! That will defiantly send him into a rage!! Ha, ha.😘

        1. malignnarc says:

          Oh you know how to please me don’t you? And yes it will annoy him hugely.

  19. Fool me 1 time says:

    HG, how beautiful I imagine those letters were! The vividness and beauty in which write ( even in these articles of something as sad as narcissism) is beyond words if you take the time to read and explore them. My ex was the opposite he was the one who wanted the letters or text teling all of my feelings for him. That was one of his rules ( I didn’t know that at the time) never holding in any feelings that I had. Thank you for not only helping me understand N but for also writing such wonderful work.🌹😘

    1. malignnarc says:

      Thank you Fool Me, your kind words are appreciated. Yes he would have such a rule which is actually him saying “Your fuel switch must always be on” and the demand for letters and texts containing those feelings will have provided him with significant fuel.

      1. Fool me 1 time says:

        HG, I don’t know if you can help with this or not? There was a time close to the end when he disappeared for a while. Jokingly I sent him a text asking if he got married or something lol. At that point he could of told me he met someone else but didn’t. About a week after that (he was away working ) we were texting one of his comments to me was, where am I ever going to find any one like you! I ask joking why are you leaving me? Ha ha, his response was are you leaving me? Of course I answered I’ll never leave you! He said good I don’t ever want you to! A week later I was discarded! I don’t understand why not just tell me that he met someone else? This is the hardest thing for me to understand. Please HG any thoughts that you may have will help! Thank you so much! X

        1. malignnarc says:

          I am assuming that he had met someone else when he disappeared as you don’t expressly state that this was the case. He did not tell you at that point because he wanted to test what your feelings were when he had disappeared.You told him that you would never leave him. This gave him fuel from your reaction and also told him that despite him disappearing you were still wanting him. In his mind this means that you will remain available even when he has discarded you and is with someone else so he can Hoover you in the future. He probably was triangulating you (although you did not know) with the new person. He will have been telling her, “I am with someone but it is effectively over, she is a stalker/psycho/lunatic etc” This will have been done to cause his new prospect to try harder to stay with him because there is some competition and also to feel sorry for him because he was ensnared by you who made his life a misery. Obviously that was not true but it never stops us smearing the character of the person we were with previously. We never truly discard you because we will always come back for more – see That’s No Moon! on this blog for more about that.

        2. Freedom says:

          Hi Foolme 1 time
          I to was treated like you in the end. I ask myself a lot why not man up and tell me you had found someone else. I asked if he wanted to leave me I got of course I don’t, it’s you who will leave me find someone better than me, who is there for you , richer than me. Shat he meant was he’d found someone who was at hand in India ( I was in uk) and she had more money. He wanted the old lets stay friends please you’re us h a good kind person I don’t want to lose you completely

          Well tough luck my empathy stalls right here now I know who and what you are. You see he did have someone and married her 14 weeks after his discard with me. I will never slough him to Hoover me he will be eating his precious fuel on me.

      2. Fool me 1 time says:

        HG thank you for your reply. I just got finished reading fuel. I get it now! I’ll never truly understand it but I get it. I do have another question for you though, you are still seeing the Drs. Does that mean you truly want to be like the test of us? Or are you still seeing them to appease someone? Perhaps your parents?

        1. malignnarc says:

          Hi Fool Me, glad you found it useful, I would be grateful if you would post a review please. Yes I am still seeing the good doctors. I can’t be like the rest of you, I am different so that will never happen. I am doing it through compulsion in order to keep members of my family happy and to preserve a financial incentive. I have discovered much about myself (hence the blog and the books) but it is an ongoing process which I am content to share.

      3. fool me 1 time says:

        Of course I will post a review. Anything for you HG! πŸ˜‰ xo

        1. malignnarc says:

          Ha ha thank you.

      4. Fool me 1 time says:

        Oh my handsome, beautiful man I was put on this earth to please you and only you!🌹

        1. malignnarc says:

          Keep it coming.

      5. Fool me 1 time says:

        Oh my love I must get some work done now. I am sorry! I need the money so that I can purchase more of your wonderful books! I am sure one of the other ladies will be able to fuel your desires for awhile until I can return. I miss you already!😭 xo

  20. Sherry says:

    I find this interesting, I know of a few narcs that are afraid of using the ‘L’ word. Which brings me to a good question. Why would a narc use that on one person over another? Simply to gain their trust? Adoration? My narc sat me down and told me that he didn’t want to drag me through the devestation that was inevitable from being with a man like him, and then went for another and is tearing her down as we speak. Why would he spare me?

    1. malignnarc says:

      He will be sparing you (for now) for the purpose of triangulation Sherry. Your time will come. His explanation to you was also done to draw fuel from you “Thank you for being so noble and sparing me the hell, you really are the best!”

      1. Sherry says:

        Ahhh, meaning he’s got plans for me coming up? that makes sense because I remember him saying I want you around, these others run their course, serve their purpose and he’s done with them.

        1. malignnarc says:


    2. idodoyouride says:

      they always come back…..

      1. Sherry says:

        I know you’re probably right, but things got out of hand, and he got another woman pregnant. He don’t love her by no means, but he’s doing his due diligence to maintain his image. Maybe if it hadn’t been for these fortunate incident I would be more apt to think he would be back. Idk maybe I’m secretly hoping for that.

        1. idodoyouride says:

          Until they know you won’t allow yourself to be supply they can show up years later. Not all but many do.

          1. malignnarc says:


    3. Sheila says:

      When my ex gave me the same speech he listed all the ways in which he was bad for me too, but kept through out the occasional comment about the future. References to how much he loved my acreage and he could see us sitting out on my veranda in the years to come, soaking in the peace and serenity. When I indicated it wouldn’t be happening his offhand comment was “you never know… besides, you aren’t going anywhere”. Talk about mixed messages… but he’s right, I’m not going anywhere. I love the quiet and seclusion of my little paradise. It’s just not something he will ever be welcomed to share again.

      1. malignnarc says:

        I do enjoy a good acreage. Gives me room to spread my wings.

        1. Sheila says:

          Lol… ironic you mentioning wings… my ex says his are black, are yours too?

          1. malignnarc says:

            They are whatever your favourite colour is.

          2. Sheila says:

            Interesting… I’ll keep that colour to myself… but they look particularly cute on you!

          3. malignnarc says:

            Don’t they just. They are made from all the feathers I have had in my cap.

          4. Sheila says:

            Oh Hg.. they really do look monstrous… maybe you could divide the feathers between two sets of wings… it’s probably a little lighter for you as well.

          5. malignnarc says:

            I am a Seraph Sheila, I need three pairs of wings.

      2. Freedom says:

        It’s so scary how they all talk the same talk, walk the same walk some are better at it than others.
        My ex right up to the end was doing the this is for our future, we have a long and happy future together you and I. We will grow old together enjoying life. Well the only bit of truth really there is yes we will grow old and enjoy life but by the grace of god it isn’t going to be together. !

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