Chained : The Narcissist’s Co-Dependent

Learn all about how the narcissist’s co-dependent is created, treated and desired. Find out whether you have become chained to the narcissist in this way.

US e-book here

UK e-book here

CAN e-book here

AUS e-book here

Also available in paperback

 

 

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15 thoughts on “Chained : The Narcissist’s Co-Dependent”

  1. I have been busy reading chained this evening.
    Hmm. A veritable smorgasboard of food for thought…for that, I thank you. ❤

    I’ve heard some followers question your actual accountability as a N. Simply as to whether you are indeed “one of your kind”, or just a very well researched, intelligent and intriguing writer.
    I simply doubt what you have written could be done if you were not “the real deal”. Your accuracy, no, your intense depth of understanding could not be possible otherwise. I truly understand the meaning of a “cold empath” as described by Sam Vaknin of his kind. I too can feel there is so much more than fact stating or story telling going on in amongst those words that are so well written. It has pure emotion attached. You truly do have a skill to seek, maintain and nurture your rapport with the human race in order to be eternally sustained, and what hunter is to remain on the top of the food chain if he does not know his prey completely? Your insatiable hunger cannot be managed, let alone somewhat satiated without ensuring its continual supply. We are each but creatures of our upbringing and it’s design. Seeking for that which helps us to feel whole. Some of us are complete, without others. Some of us believe we are not. Some of us will never be. Without life’s lessons, I guess nothing would likely ever change. You affect others in many ways, as is your intention and design. I dare say you will come to provide many with invaluable personal growth and forced healing before your time is done on the earthly plane. Your chosen lifestyle and your writings will ensure this. Of this I am sure.

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    1. “You truly do have a skill to seek, maintain and nurture your rapport with the human race in order to be eternally sustained, and what hunter is to remain on the top of the food chain if he does not know his prey completely? Your insatiable hunger cannot be managed, let alone somewhat satiated without ensuring its continual supply.” I am using this on my CV. An excellent post.

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  2. I have posted many of your articles on abuse/recovery forums, as I believe they will help others. They were received with mixed reactions…”you can lead a human to knowledge, but you can’t make them think.”
    I am a firm believer that “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear” – unknown

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    1. Thank you for sharing them crystal empath and you are right, they will help people. I have mentioned before that my writings tend to elicit one of three reactions. The first is a short-sighted “f u I don’t care what a narc has to say, you should be shot.” This reaction comes from the professional victim. He or she inhabits forums posting the same thing over and over, asking the same questions and doing nothing, absolutely nothing to remedy the situation. They love the attention. These people post “So upset right now” as a FB status in order to draw responses asking what is going on. People are entitled to their view as am I; I regard this group with contempt. The second group find it all too raw for them – that is understandable and they will find solace in the forums where a less direct approach manifests. There are several ways to skin the cat (apologies Sheila) and my way may be too strong for some. That is fair enough. The third group contains those who know the best medicine tastes foul but does the job. They embrace wholeheartedly the opportunity they have to learn from the source direct, to aid their understanding, in order to move forward. This group challenge in a constructive and erudite manner, pose questions and avail themselves of knowledge that scores of therapy sessions would not provide. I respect this group because they know, just as I do, that knowledge is power and they wish to seize that power.

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      1. Truth, indeed!
        With one addition I have personally noted…forums/recovery groups often contain N’s in their hidden environment (and many of the “lesser type of outward quality” to say the least) it often takes the admins either a while to sort them out and kick them out in a flurry of drama to protect the wounded once more, or the “seasoned” co dependents “appear” from seemingly nowhere to defend others (our protective mothering instinct kicks in)…forgetting their own plight in order to nurture and restore others. Perhaps being made easier without knowing the troll like N’s that present themselves so aggressively, attacking others in their “advice” or pure intolerance of others stance… ultimately designed by the N’s for maximum reactive response! The desired result is most always achieved instantaneously, until the situation is calmly remedied and the N removed. So “victims” are never entirely free of the direct reminder and the first group frequent these forums also and trigger the hell out of others once they have moved on to genuine healing (seeking actually knowledge and empowering themselves). That is why I introduced your writings, (bracing myself as I did so at times) with mixed results, of which I calmly ignored, as I too was taught, “the best medicine tastes foul”, but if it’s the best treatment, why would I not give it to those I am genuinely seeking to help heal. There are some people that are simply a little more primal where the simpler analogy works best…”you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink”. We all have different degrees of emotional and intellectual intelligence; such is life. My hope is that everyone has the help they need to grow in the shortest time frame possible, til they are ready for your tidal wave of lessons contained within the pages of your many books, your blog and its commentary.
        Once more, thank you Sir ❤

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  3. According to the rules of “relationship math,” the addition of a half and half (an SLD (co dependent) and PNarc) equals a “half relationship” consisting of enmeshed and dependent partners. But the addition of a whole and a whole (two self-loving individuals), equal two, which is one whole relationship comprised of mutually and reciprocally loving interdependent adults.- Ross Rosenberg

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  4. Hello H G,
    Truth, indeed!
    With one addition I have personally noted…forums/recovery groups often contain N’s in their hidden environment (and many of the “lesser type of outward quality” to say the least) it often takes the admins either a while to sort them out and kick them out in a flurry of drama to protect the wounded once more, or the “seasoned” co dependents “appear” from seemingly nowhere to defend others (our protective mothering instinct kicks in)…forgetting their own plight in order to nurture and restore others. Perhaps being made easier without knowing the troll like N’s that present themselves so aggressively, attacking others in their “advice” or pure intolerance of others stance… ultimately designed by the N’s for maximum reactive response! The desired result is most always achieved instantaneously, until the situation is calmly remedied and the N removed. So “victims” are never entirely free of the direct reminder and the first group frequent these forums also and trigger the hell out of others once they have moved on to genuine healing (seeking actually knowledge and empowering themselves). That is why I introduced your writings, (bracing myself as I did so at times) with mixed results, of which I calmly ignored, as I too was taught, “the best medicine tastes foul”, but if it’s the best treatment, why would I not give it to those I am genuinely seeking to help heal. There are some people that are simply a little more primal where the simpler analogy works best…”you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink”. We all have different degrees of emotional and intellectual intelligence; such is life. My hope is that everyone has the help they need to grow in the shortest time frame possible, til they are ready for your tidal wave of lessons contained within the pages of your many books, your blog and its commentary.
    Once more, thank you dear Sir ❤

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  5. Hi HG

    Thinking about your reply “knowledge is powerful” We can’t save ourselves till we equipped ourselves with beneficial knowlwdge
    You are so right. And what I see around me that it is very hard to change people mindset. One because they don’t think you are on their side and second they just stubborn
    Thank you for sharing this with us . It is not just helping us ladies it will help the next generation too . We can guide our kids

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    1. Hello FA, glad you find it helpful, you are right concerning what you can do to help the next generation, that is why something like Red Flag is crucial to those who are about to embark on the whole relationship process. If you see it coming you stand a far better chance of escape than trying to get our once our tendrils are wrapped around you.

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  6. I feel I am getting closer to find out why when growing up in the same setup, some of us became codependants and others narcissits who shut their trueselves down.
    It does not have to do with scapegoat or golden child Or scapegoat child. It has to do more with if you were the child who had to fullfill the love need and imcapabilityof feeling of your narcissistic parent or you had to bear with the weaknesses and sense of inadequacy…
    I believe also the influence of the other parent has an effect on the result but its mainly with what you had to deal with from the N.

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  7. I start to read then feel sick. I was completely taken over by evil. Last one to know. I’m at vomit stage. Literally walked away with nothing. I ran actually. My family made me go back 4 or 5 times. Each time it was worse. They don’t understand. Hell neither do I. Just started therapy. Meanwhile he broke in my house. His family was able to view my rental and acquire my lease. I was disposed of only after I made it seem like it was his idea. Then he attempts to pay his phone bill with my credit card. I had cancelled it. But he was fueled by me. I’m too old and tired to really care. He has won. Ashamed in purgatory!

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