To Understand is to Escape

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Arm yourself with understanding and knowledge. Know your foe.





13 thoughts on “To Understand is to Escape

  1. gloriagaynor says:

    Again, i’m fascinated with all of this – I’m playing with matches ( or TNT HG ) but is there a “boxed set” of your books to be downloaded? I would Evelyn Wood them as well, but clicking on each one to buy seems like too much work…

    1. malignnarc says:

      Hello Gloria, there isn’t a boxed set. I had not considered doing that but I may look into that. In the meanwhile why not look at it as opening one present after another as you click on each book!

  2. Shari Miller says:

    I’m trying to get out, I’m questioning myself. Typical ‘huh? What if I’m wrong, what if he truly is the ‘one’. Am I losing my only chance? It hurts, so confusing. Have read Everything I can get my hands on, I know what he is. But still haven’t totally given up.

    1. malignnarc says:

      Of course he is the one. You are made to think that.

    2. Freedom says:

      I felt like this time and time again. Decided to stay and tell myself I was just doubting things as I’d been through a bad marriage. Then he discarded out of the blue ( well to me it was). Go with your gut feeling don’t end up regretting that you didnt leave, Good luck x

  3. TimeWasted says:

    I will escape this time.
    Thank you for helping.

  4. emmagc75 says:

    Wow, you have written 16 books? Are any about female narcissists?

    1. malignnarc says:

      17. I didn’t include the 17th as it spoiled the arrangement. The content of all can be applied to female narcissists but Narcissist:Seduction and Narcissist:Ensnared are about a female narcissist specifically.

  5. gloriagaynor says:

    I’ve just read Escape and have an unusual situation I’d like your perspective on…. relationship was only 18 months, but he had two small children who I fell head over heels with – I was a huge part of their lives for this period. 3 months NC, but his ex wife has reached out to me ( to be perfectly fair, I did mail some left behind clothes and the financial info on a college fund I started with a note saying I missed the girls and hoped I could check in from time to time to hear how they are doing) She sent a very nice note back and we have gotten together with the girls on two occasions…..For the record, she and I have NEVER discussed the relationship I had with him, the visits are solely based on the girls…. He went ballistic after the last one, threatened to put a restraining order on me ( no legal grounds for that, I was invited )… I got all of this through her info as I have him blocked. There is another gathering for a birthday party next weekend, – thoughts on having a relationship with his girls? I will say a part of me likes that he can’t control this and it’s driving him crazy, but a BIGGER part of me is focused on those kids – they are beautiful, bright and I would like to stay in their lives in some way….. thoughts?

    btw: thank you – I’ve just changed ALL my passwords…..

    1. malignnarc says:

      Hi Gloria Gaynor, an interesting scenario. Firstly I am surprised you did not discuss the relationship with the N at all. You both must have been curious to know what the other thought. If you want to stay in the lives of the children and mother has no objection then I see no harm arising from it. It will infuriate the N because he no doubt played you against one another (even if you did not know that was the case) and seeing you getting along without him will drive him up the wall. Furthermore he will have no real interest in the children but does not like you giving them attention (because it should be on him) and secondly you “interfering” in a possession of his. Be prepared for him to lash out at you and I should imagine with some pretty outlandish accusations. I am glad you found Escape helpful. Incidentally are you also telling me that you “Will survive” or will be you be regaling me with my favourites of “Never Can Say Goodbye” or “I Am What I Am”? Thanks for posting.

      1. gloriagaynor says:

        Thank you for your response, re: discussion – I initially wanted to – if only for validation that I wasn’t crazy… but before we got together the first time, I realized I didn’t need that and wanted to keep it about those girls.

        As far as lashing out, you are right, he left two vile vm on my phone ( *** note – when you block a number on an iPhone, they can STILL leave voice messages – wtf?) and also had his friend send a vile message on facebook – I ignored.

        Sticky point – his last hoover via email said his dad’s cancer has come back – ( I don’t remember him ever having it?) and that he has my passport and range rover key to return…. I responded once asking him to drop it off at my business – and left it at that….

        a week later I got a text from HIS EX ( mom of the children ) saying ” N said he sent you several emails about returning your passport and hasn’t heard back”

        Warning bells…. ?? I’m heading to the state department tomorrow to report it lost/stolen and applying for a new one….

        also: thanks for getting my Gloria reference, but scratch that –
        i DID survive.

        1. malignnarc says:

          Very noble of you to put the children before your desire for validation, first time I have come across that. Most people have to compare notes with the ex. Yes he is having a good Hoover and with the passport he wants to hand it to you personally for obvious reasons. You have handled it well so far in evading contact and I suggest you proceed as you intend to re the passport and do not even reply to the spurious text he sent the ex. He is going to keep going though because (a) he wants a hoover and (B) your involvement with his ex and his children amounts to ignoring him and he will see you as trying to take his role in that dynamic which amounts to a criticism of him and therefore will ignite his fury. Yes you have survived but dig in!

        2. Gloria.
          Just wanted to let you know there are apps that can block numbers effectively on your phone. No voicemail, msg etc gets through. Most N survivor sites on fb (try my emotional vampire and narcissistic abuse support (NPD) take back power) tell you the best ones for your location as they have so many members worldwide. Or so a google search or simply ask others if you are inclined to do so. . The pages and groups often have alot of good advice, if you don’t get caught up with their stuff and any triggers. No pressure to contribute on those pages. I just guess it depends on where you are in your healing/recovery process. You sound like you have it pretty well sorted. Good luck. Children are such a blessing. Love for them simply can’t be withdrawn or repossessed once you truly give of your heart. I’m so happy to hear their mother encourages your connection and allows you to love them too. Blessed be 😊

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