Calling Card

It is a beautiful day. The kind of day that feels full of possibilities. The sun shines in the cornflower blue firmament, birdsong fills the air as the scent of grass, flowers and optimism hangs heavy. You stand at your window and look out across the view of your well-tended garden and then the fields beyond, stretching away to the hills in the distance. Your time is your own and you stand considering not only what you will do this gorgeous day but what is next for you and your life. What direction will you take it in? Where will your steer your good ship to? There have been some stormy waters in the past but you navigated them and jettisoned that unnecessary cargo which threatened to sink you and here you are now with so many choices, so many options and opportunities available to you, unhindered by others that may seek to impose their own values and decisions on to you. You are freedom personified although you must admit there are times when you would welcome someone to share this unparalleled freedom with, but there is no rush to achieve this. It will happen when it happens, you believe in such things. As you continue to look out across the view, the telephone rings and you break off from your thoughts to answer the telephone.

“Hello,” you declare into the receiver. You hear a voice, clear, confident, warm and strangely inviting, speaking to you.

“Hello, I am  Mr Saul Mate calling from Somnium Incorporated and I just wanted to let you know that I am able to deliver whatever you require twenty four hours a day, 365 days a year. Remember it is all about you. Thank you for your continued custom.”

The call ends.

You smile and replace the receiver. It rings again and you answer.

“Hello, Mr Saul Mate calling from Somnium Incorporated. Please remember I am by your side even when I am not there and I am always ready to attend to anything you require. What you need, I provide. Thank you for your continued custom.”

The call ends again and as you stand contemplating this call there is the ping of a message on your mobile phone. You replace the landline receiver and walk over to where your mobile rests on the sideboard. You pick it up and see you have a text message from a number that you do not recognise. You open the message nevertheless.

“Somnium Incorporated – taking you to a new level in the provision of delight and joy.”

The landline rings again and you mutter as you answer.

“Yes?”
“Hello, Mr Saul Mate calling from Somnium Incorporated. We have undertaken an extensive profiling exercising which puts us in the optimum position to understand all your needs and most importantly satisfy them. Every. Single. Time. Thank you for your continued custom.”

“Look, I haven’t ordered anything from you,” you protest but the line goes dead.

Another message arrives on your ‘phone.

“Somnium Incorporated – just say it and you will have it. Heaven awaits when you let us take care of you.”

There is a noise from your laptop and you replace the receiver and walk to the computer to find an e-mail from soulmate@somniuminc.com

“Dear Customer, we just wanted to let you know how much we adore looking after your every need. You are very special to us in fact you are the only one we want to serve.”

“What is going on?” you ask yourself aloud. Your ‘phone pings again and the sound of an e-mail arriving rings out. You are about to look at these messages when your doorbell rings.

“What now?” you mutter.

You open your front door to find a courier stood there holding a huge bouquet of flowers.

“Good morning miss, delivery for Miss Victoria Tim,” he smiles. He hands you the bouquet and walks away. There is a card attached and you read it.

“For you dear customer who we will always serve and provide for no matter what – Somnium Inc”

You carry the flowers inside which are admittedly beautiful as you hear something being shoved through your letterbox. You place the flowers down and return to the door to see several flyers in different styles and colours have been pushed through your letterbox. All of them are from Somnium Inc and contain a variety of promises, declarations and plaudits concerning you and them. The doorbell rings and you pull the door open in irritation, still clutching the flyers. You can hear your landline ringing again and the repeated pinging of your mobile phone and chime of your laptop. A different courier stands at the door this time with a parcel which he hands to you.

“Victoria Tim?” he asks and you nod.

“Just sign here please,” he says with a smile and pushes the signing device towards you. You oblige and he wishes you a lovely day as you retreat inside with the parcel which bears a tag.

“From Somnium Inc to our best and most wonderful customer, we want to serve you forever.”

You shake your head and put the parcel down to answer the landline.

“Hello, Mr Saul Mate here just calling to remind you how special you are to us and how we will only ever have your best interests at heart.” The doorbell rings again.

“Stop calling this number!” you shout and slam the phone down. You snatch up your mobile and see 25 messages have arrived all from the same number. You glance at a couple of the messages.

“We just wanted to let you know that we have never had a customer like you before. You are unique in every way and we just want to give you everything you deserve – Somnium Inc.

“We have never felt this way about one of our customers before it is like we have been sent from corporate heaven to make you happy forever – Somnium Inc.”

The landline rings again but you ignore it. You can hear more chiming from your laptop and you see that you inbox is filling with e-mails from the same source ; soulmate@somniuminc.com You let out a cry as the doorbell rings once again and flinging the door open, phone ringing in the background you are confronted by a line of couriers who snake down your pathway and onto the road beyond. They are all carrying items such as flowers, parcels, baskets, balloons and such like.

“Delivery for Miss Victoria Tim,” they all announce in unison and provide you with a winning smile and a wink of the eye.

“Go away!” you shout, ” I do not want them. I don’t have anything to do with Somnium Inc!”

You slam the door and march back into the living room as the landline keeps on ringing, your mobile pings incessantly and the chiming coming from your laptop will not stop. More flyers land on the doormat as you fling your mobile to one side, placing your hands over your ears trying to drown out this cacophony but to no avail. You hear a loud knocking at your front door as the chiming, ringing and pinging continues. You curse and wait. You consider going to the internet to find the details about this company Somnium Inc and Mr Saul Mate in readiness of making a complaint. This is harassment. No company should be acting in this fashion and anyhow, where did they get your details from? How did they know your telephone numbers, e-mail address and residential address? You never gave them out. The knocking at the door continues and you stomp to the front door.

“I said I – ” you begin as you wrench the door open expecting to find the line of waiting couriers but there is nobody there. Your eyes look down to the doormat on your porch floor and there is crisp white calling card with black embossed letters. You stoop and snatch it up, the din of ringing and alerts seeming to fade as your attention is drawn by this card. You read it.

“Sorry we missed you, we will call again.”

The name Saul Mate is in one corner and Somnium Inc is another corner. You look across the lawn but there is nobody there. You go to the front gate and look left and right along the avenue but it is empty.

If any company or organisation treated you in this manner you would complain. This behaviour is our calling card and you not only embrace it but you want it. And you call us the twisted ones?

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128 thoughts on “Calling Card”

  1. What you expressed was a harassment verse, demonstrating the parallel between someone demonstrating love for another, albeit false, but perceived as genuine at the time, to a telemarketer that is cold calling an individual to profit from their survey responses or purchases.
    He never gave me flowers once btw the way, he wasn’t the most romantic in the gift giving arena.

    This demonstrates an extreme and expedited version of what a narcissist would push upon a victim. But, in actuality, it is more subtle then this. It starts with the soul mate declaration, the synchroncities, the similarities. The. Moving to the, I think I might be falling for you, no one makes me feel the way you do, I must be In Love with you. Such declarations make us feel, as we believe this is genuine exchange, appreciated for how we are and the love we give out.

    It has never been such a full on assault to me with either man. It developed over a period of months, slowly, not rapidly. So as not to alert alarm bells. During both times when my sense of self worth were finished due to life circumstances.
    Did I question motives at times, yes I did. Did I feel the same feelings for him, yes I did. It was mutually communicated and reciprocated.
    Most warm blooded people have the Need to feel and give love to another. It is neither shame worthy or blame worthy.

    It is difficult for someone, with no understanding of the concept of love or giving or trust and compassion to relate to the need and want to believe one is loveable or desired. Even if we know this by such facts as how we look. Our education, our empathic qualities. It is still instrinsically within us to what to share this love with another. A partner of like mind. To question every ones motive as insincere, makes for a loveless life and a deadened soul.

    So, if mr Saul mate decides to call on me again, I will welcome all his platitudes and most loving ways, but I will ensure my feelings Match his this time and determine why he feels such for me. My mere probing of questions will weed out this from the true flowers that are presented to me. The false prophets will not cage my heart to the possibility of love. It may not be today, or tomorrow or next year.

    Balk as you may, at the ideal of love and trust. Mine shall never be broken, by the false prophet who calls at my door or whispers in my ear.
    Thank you Hg for answering my question about soul mates. But it didn’t answer my specific question on the timing of being targeted. As always I greatly appreciate your unbridled and passionate writing style.

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  2. I forget to mention, HG, do forward my number to Mr Saul Mate…he may be the one for me, who knows 😉 if feel ever so excited and tingly at the anticipation of it all. I feel a song coming on as I write….

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      1. By the way that was sarcasm too everyone. I shudder to think what man HG would set me up with, do you have any dependable, loves family, high work ethic, loyal, humorous, intelligent, honest non serpents in your nest?

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    1. ohh no not Mr. Soul Mate for me. This behaviour drives anyone crazy.
      It was so well written ! Its like living the dream. Everything so well described, so well put together. Great writting.
      I did not have such lovebombing from N 1 and 3 but from N2. In fact I only had lovebombing from N2….. dont know why but it was like that.

      It was probably as intense as soulmate Inc but not in one run because I was finishing the relationship several time, so it came in suffocating lovebombing which made me I guess by instict take distance, came then the critics, and me discarding him, Hoover and again the same cyle when I could finally leave definetly after a bit more than a year.

      I do remember some details as its now many years away but like for example, as I am coffee addicted ( as I am HG addicted ),
      there were two coffee cups bought so that coffee time would be special, flowers, videos of me made and put on youtube, trips, 5 star hotels, clothes ( of course his style) but at the same time, it was then all about him, look at me, sit besides me, hold my hand, hug me, talk to me, literally told ” can I be the only person for you in this universe today”?
      I have never met anybody like you, you are mine, etc etc etc.
      This did not last very long as I left short after, could not take that suffocation… and had to deal then with a smear campaign on how insensitive and cruel I was to have left him like that after all he had done for me because he made sure with every hoover to show the lovebombing to everybody. Just typing the story give me the feeling of suffocation again 🙁

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      1. Your N went all out on the love bombing materialistically and emotionally. He was intent that he would succeed and have you. I imagine after such expense spent on you, he was a tad bitter. Such is life. Good for you, to be rid of him and his extravagant ways of manipulation and love.
        I have never found love suffocating, no one has ever suffocated me with love. I should consider myself lucky that way. The love bombing for me was mostly gestures. Verbal and tokens of affection. They knew their time and presence was of most value to me over material gifts.
        It is nice to have you back too Nikita…missed you yesterday ❤️

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      2. HI KARAA

        Believe me it was suffocating because it did not feel real. It was all a show off. I did not dress enough expensive to be a show off for him. I told him I would prefer one of those modest family houses in the mountain rather than where we stayed just because all his colleagues stayed there. Look it all started like this. Lets say the first two months were okay. He had a job that involved alot of protocol and events and I was a temporary junior in that department that was hired to help out for a projeect. He was very nice to me and so the junio got imvited to the protocol events. So There the binding started and we got to spend lots of time together and it was really really fun. After 2 months we started dating and maybe we did go to 2 or 3 more events ( it was lovebombing as afterwards he became the laziest person if all) , where my clothes were not elegant enough. In order that I accept he bought me those 2 dresses he devalued my actual clothes so that I accept to dresd like he wanted. I used those dresses exactly one time and they still hang in the cellar.
        Everything he did he just put it infront of my face.
        I buy you coffee cups so that you feel special and sit with me as long as i want to have breakfast.
        I bring you to this nice events so that you sit by my side and people can see the company I have
        He told me how to dress, how to talk, what to do. how to act. Like for example he even saw me once having a lunch date with a friend st the cantine at work. I was drinking out of the bottle because i did not have a cup. I know its not so femenine to drink out of the bottle but alot of people do it and I wad not going to walk back all that way. So suddenly I see him coming to and placing a cup on my table and telling me infront if my friend. Nikita its no table manners to drink out of the bottle. Here a cup for you anf placed it on the table and poured my drink in it.
        Afterwards I somewhen met him and I said nothing about the cup event and he commented hey by the way your hair looked disorganized today.
        Believe me karaa it was only those two months that were nice the rest was a nightmare.to be able to leave I looked for the help if a partnership coumseler as I was unable alone. I also initially looked for counsil at work as there is a free counsiling department at work. I was feeling on my ends, I could not take it anymore.
        As its a work relationship they take a look at your CV as initial information. I remember the counseler looked at me and said. Its now too many times that I experience intelligent self assured woman like you, being brought down a man. I wonder how this happens.
        The help they offer is to direct you to the correct professional. So it was through her that I found the counseler that helped me flee.
        My family and working colleagues could not believe I wanted leave this wonderful man.
        My mother even told me how lucky I was !!!! 😓😓.
        Believe karaa it was total suffocation.
        This is the same man that I commented on last weeks post about what happens inside the house.
        The one who is now on his third wife. ( 5 kids with 4 different woman) and his wife had a baby recently and told my mom she is having the toughest time of her life. According to what my mother told me and I have learned at HG school she is so confused, she has no clue what is going on and why life suddently became so tough.
        If i can apply a posting to what it is having a relationship with this person is, it is the one of the garden.
        its funny. You are my school mate In Narc school and precisely you like all the others gave me the same comment. You cant feel suffocated. Look at what you have.
        If I think about it. Your comment feels funny.
        I did feel horrible suffocated, stripped of my own personality, done slowly and covertedly.
        The more I rebelled to follow his rules, the more he crtiticized. All this was just based on communicatiom and silent treatment. Only with this two items you can suffocate someone to the point she feel destroyed and make it appear impossible to the outside to feel this way.

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      3. Hi Nikita, I only mentioned suffocate as that was word you used to describe the love bombing and relationship. My love bombings were more subtle , mostly time and word related. I think they utilized little imagination in securing me. Well the second one didn’t have to work as hard as the first one, as I was dearly in Love with the second. The first made me feel I was In Love with him, even though I doubted my own feelings. I can understand what you mean by suffocating and all consuming though and the need to escape it and end it.
        Those examples were simply awful of him, to try and change you and that time at the restaurant was uncalled for including his insult. The know what gets to us and how to effect us emotionally. My first one was like that, wanted me to dress certain way, be a certain way. My second one, always loved me as I am, nevr criticism send one things about me. Just when I found out things about him and questioned him, he would turn nasty.
        It was even more difficult for you to work under this man, as he probably felt he had another leverage on you In His control of workplace. It was brave if you to remove yourself from him.
        I had female friends say to me once, how can you leave your boy friend he is so good looking. I would say. But he is abuser and controlling. They just looked at him, as if to say, what’s wrong with me. I would nevr say that to someone. He called my work and boss, stalked me for a year, left presents for me outside my apartment door. I changed my phone number twice, he had contacts I the phone company and they breeched confidentially and gave him new numbers. I reported this and had no proof. He admitted. He also bribed security guard at my building to allow him in my apartment and when I returned from night Work, he was a sitting there at dining table In the dark. When I told him I was to have security guard fired for breaching my safety. He is only smiled and said, he knows I am your boyfriend and if you do that I will tell your boss you call her unprofessional. I said go ahead tell her, she is. i will admit it, if asked, everyone knows, probably her too. If asked by her I will cite examples to back it up, she will respect me for my honesty and not you for your treachery. I told him, I am having him fired and you will not gain access to my sanctuary again. He didn’t, as matter of fact he even called my boss at work, I was In head office with her at time. She had me leave office and when I returned she said this to me, that little coward will never blackmail you again, I have ensured he will never bother you or call here. I do not know to this day what she said to him, but he never did.
        I do under suffocation in that respect, In their guise of love, it was emotionally tormenting. Let us hope, no more of these types shall pass our door xx

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      4. OMG karaa 😓 sorry to hear all those troubles. I had a work not so much troubles then. I infact met him in his department but then I moved to another so when the break up came I was somewhere else. Never again i would date somebody at work.

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      5. Yes, I would nevr date anyone at work, the potential for backlash and job security is too great. Plus I seen it happen to many a co worker. Mind him three was a man I liked years ago, I would have liked to date him, but because he was afflicted with my work place

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  3. I have to admit this had me on the edge of my seat. Love bombing, relentless invasion of boundaries. No escape. Hell on earth.
    But let me ask you: why did Saul Mate never show up at the door himself?

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    1. Thanks luckyotter. He did show up but then he lured you outside to try and find him (this testing to see how intrigued you were) and whilst you were looking down the avenue guess who has nipped inside and is making himself at home?

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  4. I really enjoyed reading that HG..I Can very much relate to the love bombing without the gifts though . You see narc never liked spending money on anyone accept , well , narc !! He’d text & call morning, noon & night because they were free. His idea of being romantic was a long walk in the park because it was free. A cosy night in was watching a recently released film hacked off the internet because yeah , it was free, preceded by sex because well that was free too .. You get what I’m saying .. Often he’d turn up after a busy day working , reach into his back pocket & produce a wad of cash which he’d wave it in front of me or stand counting knowing I was broke & struggling to pay the bills .

    Money was his world . He worshiped it , always looking for new ways to earn more with little or no effort & every single penny was squirreled away for you know who …

    I really enjoyed reading that HG. It’s quite cathartic for me reading your comments then posting my replies . Ty .

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    1. Yes we have an interesting relationship with money, some of us love throwing it around but of course you earn every penny, others are tighter than a nun’s nether regions despite having money and then some of our kind have no money at all and leech of their victims. I think you will enjoy reading Filthy Lucre : The Narcissist and Money which is in progress at present. Glad you enjoyed reading the article.

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      1. That made me smile . Tighter than a nuns nether regions is an understatement. He was always happy to spend it as long as it wasn’t his own .

        Nice little plug for the new book there HG. Ty . I might add it to my ever growing collection of yours . I expect you’ll to share the profits because your nothing like the ex are you . ” wink . .

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      2. I’d rather sell my soul to the devil himself . No offence , though I know you won’t take any ..See I threw in a smattering of fuel there . I’m leaning 🙂

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      3. Mine always threw money around of enough people were watching. But an arch enemy of his, let’s call him, ‘sponge bob’ selected his victims based on their assets !

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    2. More similarities So Sad, I agree it is hugely cathartic to read and respond, it is HG’s greatest gift to us, to be able to express our feelings, in the lieu of being able to do so, to the ones who encouraged them. HG becomes our sounding board and in his own words, our salvation.
      Mine wasn’t bound by the over spending of money on gifts either. I enjoy buying presents for loved ones. I didn’t care if he ever bought me anything, but he did buy me books and music and teddy bears 😀 I must have been a very good girl to get so many teddies 😇
      The adage what’s his is his and what’s yours, is his .

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      1. I’m surprised he didn’t take all the gifts from you during silent treatments or when you argued Karaa .You were a very good girl indeed 🙂
        The blogs helping me immensely as I’m sure it is for you to lovely . I think it’s because of HG subject matter isn’t all over the place . He sets the scene & we can respond with the very BIG added bonus that he responds when he’s asked a question .
        Questions that Ive spent more than a year looking for answers for,
        that means so much to me .
        You help , though you may or may know it by offering kind support & the confidence to reply as do all the other really nice people who post . I kinda feel safe here . Quite odd seeing as the head head man is the very last person I’d ever want to meet lol x

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      2. No. But he did threaten to return every gift I had ever given to , I found that most hurtful. I appreciated what he gave me, I wouldn’t have gave it back at all. I am on,y here to seek understanding and closure from these relationships, if my narcs would have been honest with me, then I would have no need. I have Greta respect for the all the women and men here, who offer advice and support and share experiences. We all can grow and learn from one another, if we are receptive and willing. Hugs So sad xx

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  5. Amazing. I love the way you write, and I love how well you articulate each book and blog.

    It is so true that he brings his target all the illusions and promises, each appearing supported, consistent, strong, and worthy, and brilliant. And he so honorably proffers the desires and dreams of what today and tomorrow’s potential holds – if only . . . Quid prop quo.

    And those illusions and promises are the obvious void in her life.

    Missing are signs of his yesterday’s destructions; bankruptcies, custody disputes, lost jobs, and more. And, of course it. That was not his fault.

    Yes. Quid pro quo.

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    1. I also love how HG writes, articulates and tells the story golden girl.
      I like it sharing and reading the experiences of others in constructive ways also like So Sad and Karaa say.
      Love you HG and your blog 😍😍

      I know I am slimy. 😝

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      1. Why are you slimy, you mean mushy,appreciative loveable. Et cetera ? I believe love comes in varying degrees. We love pizza, we love dogs, we love sunsets, our jobs, a movie, a book et cetera….the lesser degree of love, more akin to a joy or an incredible like. Then we love our friends, siblings and parents and children, even our faith…a familial and nurturing and respectful love. A higher degree of love. Then we love….our partner, our husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, mistress, master, et cetera…the highest degree of love, coupled with the sense of duty and mutuality. Where at the plateau for me, which is above love, it involves being in love, to be wrapped in the essence of another. I have always strived to be in love, to be fully connected and in tune. It saddens me when the realization of such, is merely that of an illusion.

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      2. Hi karaa.

        Was just a joke. In my country since people ahow emotions alot, it common to call slumy people… Sort of a joke. Its like a slimy country 😃

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  6. I relate to this very much, but it was done in a much more subtle manner… Almost like a snake charmer, in a slow, hypnotizing, mysterious, manner… I was gifted in an extravagant way, he is very generous with money… The texting and emails were all day long, continuously stating how he was falling for me, I was amazing, his perfect match….He told me he loved me after a few weeks, via text! Alarm bells went off then, and instead of listening, I felt sorry for him and continued the dance… Never again….. I am forever scarred,and shiver when I let myself remember this beautiful man, when the mask was lifted…. The dance is so filled with lies that it is debilitating , you are drunk with deception, and happiness at the same time…. The magic becomes terrifying, overnight… I now just feel pity for him, I believe his torture started as a young boy, and continues on…. I still love what I thought he was and maybe what he might have been, but I honor myself first…

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    1. Thanks Saritwin, interesting how you admit to still loving what you thought he was although this is entirely common and understandable but it is evident by your final words you know precisely what he is.

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      1. Yes, I still wish that the man I fell in love with was real… I was honest and open, he was a monster, dressed in a gentlemans costume…. The reality, is still hard to comprehend and swallow…. As you know, my daughter still works with him… It’s amazing how all around him admire and respect… Just unbelievable….. But all deceit …

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      1. Indeed…sadly, true co dependents seem to rely on your particular kind of love. It seems others simply won’t, don’t or can’t fit the bill. I guess that’s the price paid for being somewhat broken…

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    1. Oh yes! The love was fighting to stay alive even when the facts were blatantly in front of me…. I still feel as if I have carefully constructed bandages, and that the wounds can start weeping at any time….

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      1. Do you still love him, Sari? I will be honest, and Hold no shame in my honesty, it has only been two months for me, I still feel love for the man I thought he was and the man I fell in love with.

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  7. Your daughter works with you ex N, were you married to him, is he her father? That is almost unescapable situation, if so. The goal is to release the man we loved, as he never existed at all, we was but an illusion shown to us to have us become addicted and at attached to him. Not an easy feat to do, I assure you from my trying to do. The key is nevr being lured into a relationship again with such a man, whose agenda so clearly is diametrically opposed to yours ❤️

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    1. I do love him, but what I thought he was… I wish he was the man that he portrayed himself to be… I was not married to him, my daughter was working with him before we met… He is very well known in his field and greatly respected , has worked with some incredible athletes…. I miss him, but only what I thought he was…

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      1. Most men can not compare to the illusion that this man is… Mine was such a beautiful seducer and lover, that it’s hard to imagine other men being able to match that level of beauty…All fantasy? Illusion? Any reality? It messes with the mind, but then I remember, I’m the gift… I accept all of my faults, weaknesses, strengths , and beauty, and I’m real…. I was honest and caring and in love with a lie… Ahhhhh I feel a bandage shifting….

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      2. You miss what and who you thought he was ❤️ me too. They never existed. So we can never find them again, no matter how far or long we look.

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      3. I just want closure, not him. I am spoiled for him now that I know. If I pretended otherwise, perhaps, but I cannot pretend and this is his issue, not mine.

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  8. HG Saritwin could have not said it better. In the beginning when I discovered this blog, of course my prime interest was to learn more and more and get the answer to so many questions I had, but now its just such a pleasure to read you that I would be as interested to as I read about Narc school to read you in any other subject.

    HG you are : Excellent. The best, wonderful, marvelous, uplifting, , astonishing, outstanding, extraordinary, spectacular, stunning, phenomenal, remarkable, singular, breathtaking, astounding, awesome and I even run out of words to describe you.

    First part is from me and the second part is from Saoul Mate @ Somnium Inc. Seems they are contacting your readers also, as I received this message to transmit to you.

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    1. I am much obliged. The second paragraph is not too dissimilar to what plays when my alarm goes off. One must always start the day with a dollop of fuel.

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      1. Just think about how fascinating you are as writter. Is this not enough fuel for every morning. Many people would like to excel in at least one thing like you do in writting. Its really amazing.

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    2. Nikita you have ever believed In the concept of a soul mate? Someone that you are destined to be with, an undeniable connection to someone else through a sense of higher power of enlightenment.
      That disbelief surely would help finish the love bombing tactics on you, thusly taking the wind out of their sail while trying to woo you with such ways. I whole heartedly believe in that connection, have done so since childhood. It is based in my inherent sense of romanticism. Which, obviously makes me a huge target for narcs. But, I wonder, if I had a nurturing an affectionate mum growing up, would I still have this desire or believe in the consummate ” one ” for me. perhaps a soul mate is only the search to feel deeply and genuinely loved, to fill the blank space left in formidable years. Co dependency surely binds with the soul mate concept.

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      1. Caraa the same as you The word soulmate evoques in me romantiscism and the idea of incredible and endless love. In my heart I do believe in being soulmates although I have read that soulmates in love relationships, come to our life to show us the part of us which is weak and needs to be worked on, and I also believe in this.
        I believe the concept of soulmate applies in every type of very close to the heart relationship we have. Love, family and friends.
        I have very close friendships from childhood but there are these 4 girls that I consider my soulmates. I cant imagine life without them and I feel this deep seated love for them and this strong connection that comes from inside.
        Same with one of my brothers, when we are together Its like life is perfect and we totally understand each other and this profound connection that gives this sense of completeness.
        And in love yes I also believe in this soul mate connections that is this energy and you feel you want to spend the rest of your life witj this person that provided you this energy that tingles inside. You want to do all your favorite activities with this soul mate, you include this soul mate in your dreams and you feel like you want this connection never to end. It brings joy, healing, peace, security. I do strongly believe in it Karaa.

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  9. Yes, and the gifts ( in my case) were left there to act as ” bombs” setting off emotion and memories… I had to throw everything away… I felt very attached to these ” things” because I related them to his ” beautiful” side… Lovely memories, but had I been given the opportunity for truth, none of it would ever have happened…

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      1. Now you mention it . I’ve got stuffed rabbit upstairs . It gave me it on the same night we watched The Green Mile together . I vividly remember crying my eyes out at the ending & then he produced the rabbit & a copy of the film ..
        Well guess where Bunnies going tonight 🙂

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      1. I want to do the dance all over again, but this time, on an even playing field …. Honesty and truth, like he was given…. The dance would have been very short lived..

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  10. Way past my bedtime. Blessed Be all.
    I see I have plenty of posts and comments to catch up on. Thanks H G and all the rest of you guys. Happy growth and healing thanks to the help of H G 🙂

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  11. I find myself feeling sorry for this man and also HG, and that is a very dangerous place to slip to…. The empath in me thinks of the wounds that must have occurred in childhood, the pain, and the need for fuel seems exhausting, and a sad way to live… But is it really? I relate to it sometimes with this question that has been asked of me many times… ” Do you like being a twin?” I always answer, ” Yes, of course!” It has been a great blessing and so much fun, but I don’t know any differently, I have always been a twin… It’s my natural state of being and is the only way for me… I wonder if my narc and others feel this way…? Is their need for fuel, exhausting? Painful? Or all they know? Their ” normal” ?

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    1. I am an identical twin as well 😊 I do not feel sorry for them, I have empathy,compassion and understanding, but never pity. We all chose the way we are and have a aisle options at our disposable to change if we seek to do so.
      The way we treat others comes with the responsibility and ownership of said behaviour. The ideal is to go through life, yes taking charge of ones own life and betterment and success, but not at the cost of another’s and not destroying the lives of others for ones own benefit.

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      1. That is awesome! Has your twin had a relationship with a narc? Mine has.. I believe our father put us on the path of Empath/ narc relationships I agree with your statement that we are all responsible for our behavior, but how difficult is it to change? Do we ALWAYS know the very root of our problems? Our actions and behavior, are they just our norm? HG is very evolved and conscious of his actions, are the others? I truly believe that my narc thinks everyone else fails him…that we are not capable or worthy of his perfect love… It’s like talking to a wall, and I don’t think he’s aware like HG is… It’s all very painful though, any way that you look at it, and for the empath, it is agonising…

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      2. No she has been blessed with a stable, loving and devoted husband for past fifteen years, I even introduced them. I used to joke I can match others, but nevr myself 😏 yes mine saw it all as my fault too, he would on occasion apologize thou and admit fault. But most often, it was me, or his mum, or his brother, or his boss or his exes…

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      3. I don’t believe my narc thinks he is destroying lives, I believe he thinks, that others destroy this perfect love he offers… We all blow it… You have to recognize the problem to seek out help, you must be conscious of it…. My narc think that I provoked the problems, the rage… I failed, he had nothing to do with it…. To blow your mind… Truly 😢

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      4. Often not, my my first ie knew what he was doing, I am under sayin of the second one, he denied being a narc. Yes, it is mind boggling xx

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  12. Yes, Nikita, I believe in soul families, people, even strangers , siblings and friends who come into our lives to help us learn and grow. Yes, it is related to a spiritual connection you have with someone. But, there is no soul connection to a narc, as the soul aspect is absent. They cannot emotionally connect on that level to another. The acting ability they have to express such a deep connection is amazing really.

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  13. Karaa here I have to disagree with totally with you 😗 for the first time. i say it because of the experience I have from other N’s in my life but lets talk about HG, the N we have in common.
    From HG s writting I can think and understand or its my interpretation, that he does feel or has felt this type of spiritual/soul mate connection. I recall now 3 instances.
    He wrote this week about a very nice unexplainable and strong connection he developed to someone he met to which he also feels reciprocity (hope this word is correct).
    What and how he writes about Amanda gives me the impressiom this girl could have been for him at that time at soul mate.
    And one of the postings for which I dont remember exactly the tittle and I cant go and lool or I will loose all I have written, but this posting is about someone who was very close to him abd had promised to always be with him and somehow had to leave. This posting karaa is written with the soul. When I read it I had tears in my eyes. I think this for HG a true and deep soulmate.
    this posting is his most beautiful posting. He must have a soul somewhere because the words in there were not a fake, read it again and you will feel it. Purely written with the soul. I also feel in some parts of some other of his writtiings his soul expressing. In fact lately in several. I have felt this since the beginning I started reading him.
    I feel He does have a soul but maybe it can be often shutdown. Which is normal when you have childhood wounds. I felt from other Ns I know, they have a soul and can make soul connections, but again often shutdown.
    This is just what I think… My humble opinion. 😀
    Sleep well karaa and talk to you tomorrow 😀

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  14. Nikita ! I think you must have misinterpreted or misread my comment. Might have been wording as well. I am sure HG will know that I am not maligning him in any way, but was purely speaking from my personal relationships with narcs and the information Hg himself imparted to me regarding my own questions on soul mates today. Can you direct me to the posts you are referring too about his soul mate connections this week, as I do not recall reading any of them. In doing so it might better inform me. HG writes from the point of view of having tremendous soul and emotion, he is a brilliant writer and communicator. That is why his words can be felt so deeply by so many.
    I do not doubt Hg has had a deep connection to someone in the past and has been hurt by it not unlike any of us. But it is not for us to decide or determine if he is soul mate , that is a personal issue for him to grapple with and to know alone. My point was that where an empath connects on a deep soul level to another for genuine reasons, a narc has other motivating factors, as outlined in this blog and HGs books, the need for fuel supercedes everything. If you read the post I asked him the questions about, he states that the concept of soul mates is used as manipulation tactic by narcs to ensnare empaths who deeply connect on that level. Such as myself.
    I think you misread my comment, which was not directed at HG at all. I am sure he understands what I was trying to say. And that I would never be so disrespectful concerning his own personal issues.
    I was only communicating my own personal feelings, not even considering HG in that equation. I am sorry that they stirred disagreement in you.😞

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    1. Hi karaa
      Good morning. No issues. I did not feel you were saying something negative about HG. just two different opinions. Its fun to discuss. Enjoy the day. 😀

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      1. Thank you, I was rather emotional last night, as I didnt mean they don’t have souls, just mean that they do not love as we do with our hearts, minds and souls. And the things to propagate upon us, they appear soulless.
        I guess I was thinking more Of My first narc, he appeared soulless and black and hollow inside, all consuming and controlling after he ensnared me. I never meant any reference to HG, only my own personal experiences and that one in particular. Why I thought my second narc and I were soul mates, he seemed so In tune and sensitive and compassionate and loving. I guess it disturbs me gravely someone would take advantage of others need for finding true love as a trap to control and use another. But, clearly they do, often 😞
        Thank you Nikita.

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      2. Hi karaa
        Now that you bring it up, yes they are all very different although the basis pf control, manipulation and bringing high and devaluing is common.
        This so called spectrum I guess.

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      3. They are different men , but essentially the same man as well….I prefer the last N, and his poetry and music over the tiers cheating, abuse and physical violence. Sometimes, I wonder why must it be so difficult to give love to a man, the. I realize I need to find a man who wants my love first xx

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  15. Nikita,

    All of my narcs had a soul way down deep….. I do believe this part of them fell did fall in love w me….and that scared the living crap out of them…because shortly after falling in love the abuse and cruelty would come out of nowhere! Like they had to protect themselves…I was instantly their enemy😟.

    HG, I love this post….my ex really knew how to lay it on thick, too! I loved being wined and dined, great manners, and chivalry…..
    He took me out to dinner 5 nights a week…sometimes lunch too! In the beginning he’d meet me for coffee before work. I loved my family, and he laid it on thick for them too!
    I never paid for anything-he even treated my friends and family, too. He worked hard for me love…not sure why when he just threw it all away!

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    1. I have thought exactly the same thing! As if he had to protect HIMSELF!
      This went through my mind a few times and in one of my last texts from him he said, “I don’t need anyone to protect me, but I will certainly protect myself!” Huh? This staggers me…. Protect from his lies? The embellished tales and frothing rage? Protect himself from me? This is where the wall comes in,,, there is no talking to or reasoning with him…. Not of my world…

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  16. Karaa
    Prologue
    The person in mention can be also a lovely person and I dont think at all he faked that part of his personality and I mean it. He is also a nice person. I thought I also give you the future side of the story.
    He for example keeps wonderful relationsjips to my family and a good one to me.
    Yesterday for example I was sitting on my sofa commenting to the blog when I see him arriving here. My daughter called him to help her out in some school subject as my german is not enough good for such high levels ( my ex husband her dad lives 100km away ) .
    Well he sat with her for half an hour, they hugged at the end. I sat the whole time on the sofa reading the blog.
    I winked good bye and thanks alot. So yes he is also a nice person and its a pity that his love makes life tough like his current wife told my mom just some few months ago.

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    1. I feel the same for my second narc, if he faked all of who he was with me, I can’t see it as possible. He had so many lovely sides to him. Sadly, I have nothing to raise of the first one. He had an agenda only and I, his target.

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      1. So how we see him is the real or how he sees himself I the mirror is the real. I saw the real side of my N through my reoccurring dreams, once it was confirmed as fact I nevr had dream again. It happened many a time, the dream was sent to me repeatedly till I broke it In Real life.

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      2. I don’t either, I just can’t believe nothing at all was real, I can see when looking back what wasn’t….but I would like to think some things were real.

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  17. Forgot to tell you. Im totally hooked on London Grammar and my favorite song is now midnight call. I did not answer your question on my weekend. I met friends the whole weekend. Usually on the weekends I am out and I like this blog so much that I would like to stay partly in touch when I have a chance to peek my phone without appearing rude, but connection constraints make it not possible. Next weekend same thing for Saturday -full of plans- and Sunday I dont know yet. I love to go out and have a social life on the weekends, which on the weeks is just not possible. Its from work to home 😀😟. Mixed feelings on that one.
    And I also missed you and the blog on The weekend 😀

    On the other side. To close the story. I really hope for my ex N he can have a happy family. I do tell him that. That the woman he has now is wonderful. I even joke with him and tell him to get me the male version of her. And you ser how things are. I saw it to him that he can see what he has, but instead my comment has a negative impact. I see it in his face. From HG school I know is because I am praisng her and not him.. 😓😓😓 so complicated. He can really make it wonderful also but I just dont know what it takes for him to be happy with a beautiful kid and such a nice woman. I saw ( suspect) like ayear ago before she got pregnant he was cheating on her 😓. He is intelligent very intelligent, charming and he is aware that he is self centered but maybe not aware of NPD. I dont know and makes me sad now that I wrote all this to you, to think about him. I guess I can just cross fingers for him and send him positives vibes.
    Have a nice day.

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    1. Yes, I just wanted to express the importance of others presence here and their value , such as yourself. That is wonderful to make sure you have fun time and away from. All things N. I have tended to socially isolate myself in last few months. other then home, family and work and occasional social outings with friends.
      It is good you wish your ex well and not harm. That is how it should be. We are not at fault for who or how they are and we can never change them. I wish my second N well and happiness, even if it cannot be with me. I only wish him love always, because I still feel love inside for him.

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      1. Hi karaa.

        I tend to have isolation phases also but I adore them!!! Wht is new in my life is that my best friend returned last week after 6 months away from me. So this makes me very happy.
        Yes I wish them also only good. It would break my heart if the relationship of the N in mention would breakapart. Not only because of the baby but because of him. He would be destroyed I think. Although I assume he is looking for new fuel because lately I see he chamged his way of dressing to very classy and elegant. I mean as women we know when men are up to something and chamge themselves and want to look better and younger all of a sudden… Anyway not my problem. There is nothing I can do or or not do in there. Just wish.

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      2. Yes, I admire I enjoy alone time, I don’t get a lot of it with my dad, daughter and work schedule. So when I do, I savour it as it goes sos quickly.
        Yes, we do notice changes in men that are not for us and that are not as subtle as they think them to be. Let’s hope he tries his best for his family and doesn’t resort to damaging them as well.

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      3. I hope so. But my hopes that they make it is because she is so nice. Ill let you know more. In april there is an event and I will be able to spend like 4 or 5 hours with them. Ill tell you my observations😉

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      4. Well then so are you, we can hope for her sake that he may mend his ways, but from the clues you have seen and live you had, I am doubtful. At least if he doesn’t , she will have your belief and support. Yes, do update and share your observations. Thank you xx

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      5. Karaa I missed the blog. Its N but it entertains me alot. I will have afterwards some study to do so you will see me again on the weekends if there is something going on in here 😀. Its been more than 15 years I dont study for examinations and I believe it will be hard. So thanks for being there writting and make it interesting. I also like to read you alot, sheila, crystal… All 😀

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  18. HG I love this !! It’s creepy but so so accurate !!

    I even told mine he was weird and to f*** off and that he was needy !! A normal person would not have kept coming back for more, but I found that endearing in the end ???????? !!!!!!!!! ?????

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      1. This reminds me of a documentary I watched years ago about Agnetha from Abba. And how after she broke up with her fellow band member that she ended up dating and living with her stalker ? And he looked really odd. It didn’t make sense to me at the time, but now it makes perfect sense !

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  19. HG question for you
    I think about my mistakes in all of this and If I could turn back time I would change that I would have spoken to him and clearly show the boundaries. As I codependant I did not and just suffered and cried in silence or in front of him.
    Big mistake. If you dont talk out everything in a relationship its bound to fail.
    My question to you is correct me if im wrong. I would have had no chamce to make him see my point right? Anothet tool from the tool kit would have been used?? We had anway no chance to understand each other. It would have no other chance than to do exactly what he wanted me to do, think, say, etc etc right??

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  20. He’s back. After 9 months, I thought I would never hear from him again. I began receiving phone calls from “Anonymous Private #” a few weeks ago. No one said anything. Whoever it was just listened for 15 seconds and hung up.
    My birthday was last week. I received an email from him. “Happy Birthday! Hope you have a great day!”
    The next day, he called. He said he wanted to see how I am doing. He followed that up with a text saying, “Send pics”. He wanted me to send him pictures of myself topless.
    Why? How does someone do this after dropping off the face of the Earth for 9 months? I don’t understand!!!

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    1. In a word; fuel. The attraction of Hoovered fuel is immense and that is what draws us back to try again. The current primary source of fuel may be misfiring also prompting a desire to seek out the Hoover fuel alongwith using you as part of a triangulation with the current primary source. It is all about the fuel. Always.

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    2. My birthday is coming up, I doubt mine will Hoover me, he will still be too enraged I cut contact with him and haven’t dutifully tried to find out why he is ignoring still after almost three months.
      I am sorry time wasted, I guess time means nothing g to them, he times it when it would most upset. The nude photos request, ughh..mine contacted me after he was deported and all his threats to say if I had sex with him on video chat he would leave me alone and give me the divorce. I said dream on, I will see you in Hell. He already had photos and videos of me circulating, I didnt need any more shame. The fact he thought I might, btw all the other ones were without my consent, I didn’t even know he filmed us 😕
      I hope if you remain no contact he will leave you Leave finally. Or show up less often.

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    3. Time,
      He wants topless pics so he can “show” them to the new woman! He’ll then probably brag that the you won’t leave him alone! Please ignore him!
      What a total jerk!!!😡

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      1. I struggle to use my phone because of all the pictures that get sent to me. You would think I ran a modelling agency or such like.

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  21. This article really is my absolute favourite HG. Little things that happened today made me think of what you’d written and it really is a very clever peice of writing which captures how bizarre relentless lovebombing really is. I love this one !!

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  22. Karaa & Nikita – something came to me while I was reading your exchange. I can’t articulate it perfectly but it’s something to do with empaths potentially have connections to the entirety of souldom and narcissists contain a void. The universe hates a void so there is potential for any and all of souldom to rush in and fill it. Empaths channel souldom from fullness and narcissists channel souldom from nothingness…? Something like that! Wooooah!

    (Iow narcs feel like soulmates bc they actually are channeling part of our soul but they do it for nefarious purposes.)

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    1. Hi Elaine

      Sure you are right about fullness and void. We interwine at a soul level (HMS-R. Rossemberg) that then you start feeling like one for the N ( control) and The empath feels for both. That is how I see it. SV calls it ” folie a deux” . It can last a lifetime.
      I dont believe they have nefarious purposes.
      Have a nice day 🎈.

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  23. I like how You create new names words using a core of other. makes ne giggle… never called You a twisted one, have I? love bombing in funny way…

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