Razed to the Ground

I am the master architect. I will amaze you as I create golden cities that reflect the magnificence of our relationship. With glass and chrome I create those skyscrapers that soar high into the air as a testament to the sheer height to which I will take you. Clean, sparkling rivers run through the centre of these cities, spanned by intricate bridges. The stonework on the most elegant buildings bears the hallmark of the master craftsman that I am. My technique and brilliance surpasses anything that you have seen before. Carefully landscaped parks and gardens provide a verdant oasis at different parts throughout these cities, a haven for flora and brought to life with the sound of birdsong. Beyond the city limits lush meadows undulate away to the imposing grandeur of mountain ranges. I keep the sky an amazing azure through out the day, save for sunset when I allow a few clouds to wisp across the horizon and contribute to the breath taking hues of red, orange, yellow and violet that I weave through the sky. My empire is vast. It is resplendent and awe-inspiring. It is all my own work, achieved through my careful application of building something worthy of representing our relationship. It is built on the most solid of foundations, from the most reliable and durable of materials. There has been no corner cutting, no use of cheap and suspect stone, word or steel. Nothing shall fall but instead it will prevail for ever in tribute to you and me.
Yet for all this splendour that I have single-handedly created I will take a match to it and bring about an all consuming conflagration. I want to see it engulfed in the inferno of my making. It makes no sense. There is no logic to burning down what I have created. The wanton destruction of such beauty is abhorrent and flies in the face of any reasoned individual. The flames burn with such intensity that the steel melts, sizzling drops of molten metal that scar the stone which fractures and crumbles. Glass shatters, blackened shards that collapse to the ground, the noise of destruction masked by the roar of the flames.
I will stand and watch this terrible destruction with a twisted grin on my face, my hollow eyes reflecting the shooting pillars of orange flame. You are knelt beneath me as I hold your head in my hands, forcing you to watch this display of carnage and obliteration. Your tears stream down your face, cutting through the soot that has adorned your features, the heat haze shimmering before you and your sobbing inaudible compared to the fierceness of the fire that will burn for days.
I will build you an empire and then I shall raze it to the ground. That is my way and it shall always remain the case.

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28 thoughts on “Razed to the Ground”

  1. So amazingly writen and described. So impressively true and assertive. The Narcissit can build up the most beautiful and complete empire but when let down, with a wink of an eye, let it all burn down and watch together with the others as it crumbles to ground. I have seen it.
    No matter who, no matter where. It was the consequences of a betrayal.

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    1. So true, Niki…..*smh*….

      ‘There is no logic to burning down what I have created. The wanton destruction of such beauty is abhorrent and flies in the face of any reasoned individual’….

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  2. About those good manners.

    My exN revealed through the use of his politeness and cordiality towards me that something was off about him.

    As our relationship became intimate and familiar, I found it odd how he used common phrases of cordiality that one would use with a stranger or acquaintance – not an intimate partner where expressions of appreciation would naturally reflect more depth and meaning.

    For example, after torrid lovemaking two years in and him taking a shower at my place – he might say “thanks for the rinse”.
    Or “thank you” said in the most cordial way after a ride to work or a special dinner. As I type this, I realize the politeness was clearly a learned behavior that he used in an effort to get more- it lacked depth and sincerity in his case- and he did not seem to truly appreciate what had been done- only that the words of appreciation were what would make him seem to be that normal guy.

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    1. After reading your comments I realized that both R and T were exactly the same in the regard to manners. Always a polite ‘Thank you” even for the most trivial of things. At times I was so unaware of what it was either of them were thanking me for, I had to ask them! Most often it was for something that was just common courtesy or a home cooked meal that wasn’t even fancy. I can do fancy when I have the time. I’ve worked with some decent Red Seal chefs over the years 😉

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    2. LOL! “Mine” thanked me after each torrid ‘love’making-session! When I met his ‘special needs’ in a particularily heartfelt way (I guess). That was when he was vulnerable for a moment, it was his Achilles’ heel.

      Outwardly, he was in the dominant role, the one ‘in control’. But in reality, I had him wrapped around my finger when I played the right role in the right moment. He was unable to resist that, ever. I confess that this was something I enjoyed. Like the extreme ‘polarity.’

      That said, I know he can press delete and repeat that with any other Woman who ‘fits the role.’ Whereas to me, it was special and precious, reserved for him.

      I’ve left him 1.5 years ago and stayed NC for many many months now. But I still would not want to share those ‘dynamics’ with anybody else. I just can’t. It sounds stupid but it would feel like betrayal.

      They betray us that way by treating us like objects/playthings. But I just can’t fall down to that low-level, although I know that there are plenty of other, non-narcissistic out there men who would happily ‘play’ along with me;-)

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  3. HG,

    I’m an avid yogi and yesterday on my mat when the yoga instructor asked us at the end of our Vinyasa Flow practice as she always does…to bring to mind someone in need of love and light…it was you who blazed into my conscienceness. It was very beautiful…seeing you in my mind’s eye…surrounded by so much Divine Love and Light…and all of these empathic Angels here that truly love you and wish for your ️Healing.

    In my vision, I saw you break…and cry…long wrenching sobs of knowing, of sweet awareness as your heart broke…and opened…for the first time. You were human…and truly free.

    True story. ️️Hugs HG.

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  4. I like it but I best not become too attached to that pet name. 😊 All of those delicious pet names and inside jokes we share with the N are forgotten along with any meaning of what we were, right?

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