The Seven Sayings Upon Cessation

1. After everything that I have done for you.

How can you leave me after everything that I have done for you? I gave you the world and now you have thrown back in my face. I of course only gave you everything because I wanted something from you. I did not give you my all because I loved you. I gave you so much because I wanted everything from you and I was so close to taking everything from you. Now that you are trying to escape me, you are suggesting that I have failed and that I am not brilliant nor magnificent and I cannot stand for that to be the case. I want to blackmail you into staying. All that I gave you were not gifts, they were bribes and now it is time for you to earn them, so you had better damn well stay.

2. But we belong together.

We do belong together because I own you. I bought you with my false affection and dishonest love. I attached you to me and bound you in chains that are long and thick and you dare try to cast off those shackles. I do not know where you end and I begin. You thought that was romantic the first time I told it you but I was actually telling you a rare truth. You and I are one because you are subsumed into what I am, I consume you, I envelope you and I control you. You cannot walk away from me now because we are too enmeshed, too attached and too conjoined. You are tearing me in half. There is no you. You gave that up when you allowed yourself to be drawn towards me and bound so tight to me that you became part of me. What has been joined together can now not be undone.

3. I will die without you.

You cannot leave me because if you do you shall surely tear my poor heart from out of me. That is suitably dramatic and is designed to pull on your heartstrings even though I am telling you that this is how brutal and heartless you are in trying to end our relationship. I cannot allow this to happen because I have not finished my seduction of your replacement and if you go now you will take away my precious fuel before the new source has come online. This will leave me panicked, chaotic and driven into a frenzy in order to gather fuel from other sources, if I am able to that is. If I cannot I will no longer exist and it is all because of your selfish, wicked behaviour. How can you cut me down like this? How can you slay me in such a callous fashion? Heartless harpy, seditious slattern and callous crone that you are.

4. I cannot help what I do.

You cannot leave me just because of what I have done and what I have not done. How is that fair? I thought you were a fair person, open-minded and caring, are you not? I doubt it now as you are intent from getting away from me and all because of the way I have treated you. Look I am sorry, really I am, but I cannot help it. You make me that way with the things that you do. No, I am not trying to push the blame on to you, I am explaining it to you if you would at least listen to me. How can I explain that it is just something that happens when you are walking away from me? I never intended for it to happen you know, it just happens and you should be the one apologising to me because you make me lose my temper with your control and the games you play,you are doing it now you fucking bitch, I hate you, do you hear me? I hate you. It is your fault. Not mine. I can’t help it.

5. Why do you want to spoil everything?

I really do not understand you at times. I mean, what do you have to complain about? We live in a beautiful house, you have an expensive car, a platinum Amex and I let you do whatever you want but still it is never enough is it? Yes, I know I sometimes i have to lay down the law but if I didn’t you would spend us out of existence. Do you know how hard I have had to work to build all of this? It doesn’t just spring up overnight and I did it for us. You have used me. I welcome you into my life and this is how you repay me by spoiling our idyllic life. You would be nothing without me, do you know that? You have a fantastic life, all provided by me, there are hundreds of other women who would give their right arm to be with someone like me and you are going to throw it all away and leave. I knew there was something not right with you, you need help,you are insane. Ask anyone and they will agree with me.

6. Who will help me now?

You cannot leave me, who else is going to help me? I have kept you here under figurative lock and key, a virtual prisoner in your own home because not only do I need you to fuel me but I need you to mother me. That was the agreement when we got together. I would feed you false love and fraudulent gratitude and in return you would cook for me, clean this house, wash my clothes, cut my toenails and wash my hair. You would wait on me hand and foot and be at my beck and call. I cannot do all of these things on my own and I haven’t got the energy to find someone at such notice with you leaving. You are such an awful person, to leave me like this, especially when I am ill. Who on earth does that to someone? You should think of others and not just yourself you selfish cow.

7. Don’t go, I will change. I promise.

You really are going to go aren’t you? Good Lord, I didn’t see that coming. I thought you were good for another six months of abuse and mistreatment before you somehow plucked up the courage to try and escape me. I don’t like to admit it but you have caught me out and now I am concerned, I can feel the control slipping away from me and I have to get it back, I have to stop you. A crack around the face has worked in the past but something in your eyes tells me that even giving you a good hiding won’t stop you going, even if you have to crawl out of that front door. I know, I will throw myself on your mercy. You will like that. You have always been trying to save me, well here is your chance. I will change. I will get help. Just please do not go. Of course I mean it. I will do anything to stop you going and taking my precious fuel away from me and making me look a fool in front of all my adoring admirers. I cannot have that happen so yes, I will get some treatment, I know I have done wrong and this time, more than ever, I will change. I swear it on the lives of anyone who springs to mind so it seems like I really mean it. Of course I don’t, why should I change? The only thing that will change is my primary source of fuel but that is not ready yet so you need to stay. Please. I will change. Don’t go.

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17 thoughts on “The Seven Sayings Upon Cessation”

  1. Oh I do so love a contradiction!!!!

    Set me free, I am tired of you and I am moving on. You`ve let me down and I just can’t do this anymore. This is all your fault, you know. If you hadn`t (insert transgression here) none of this would be happening…..

    Don`t leave me. We belong together. I need you. I will change. I promise.

    As monumentally dangerous as that behavior is, I cannot help but admire it. I have to give you another well-played, because it truly is just so brilliant.

    A barrage of mixed messages meant to assault, confuse, and malign the victim.

    On another note, Sia`s Elastic Heart is another favourite song of mine and you popped into my head while I was listening to it this morning on my way to work. Because people who get caught up with your kind really do have to have an elastic heart.

    “And another one bites the dust
    Oh why can I not conquer love?
    And I might have thought that we were one
    Wanted to fight this war without weapons

    And I wanted it, I wanted it bad
    But there were so many red flags
    Now another one bites the dust
    Yeah, let’s be clear, I’ll trust no one

    You did not break me
    I’m still fighting for peace

    Well, I’ve got thick skin and an elastic heart,
    But your blade—it might be too sharp
    I’m like a rubber band until you pull too hard,
    Yeah, I may snap and I move fast
    But you won’t see me fall apart
    ‘Cause I’ve got an elastic heart

    I’ve got an elastic heart
    Yeah, I’ve got an elastic heart

    And I will stay up through the night
    And let’s be clear, won’t close my eyes
    And I know that I can survive
    I’ll walk through fire to save my life

    And I want it, I want my life so bad
    I’m doing everything I can
    Then another one bites the dust
    It’s hard to lose a chosen one”

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  2. This is what I heard for three years as I planned my escape, waiting for our kids to be old enough to handle what I knew would be coming. I was tired of the games and pretending, and told him directly I hated him. He pretended on a daily basis this wasn’t true. He refused to leave until he was forced to by the police.

    I am lucky to have 1.5 years left of him being able to contact me by email only, and when exchanging kids. I would love to see this situation from his perspective HG. He goes back and forth from playing nice to being full of rage. With limited options for no contact I’m not sure how to deal with him in a way that will be best for our children. The thought of never having him out of my life is very overwhelming at times.

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  3. AT first I thought how much pain for both people into this relationship but the after reading it several times I realize its not something of love or even connection anymore, this sounds like that type of relationship which is mutually toxic to the top, when there was a dependancy but one that became very very ill. 🙁

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  4. My narcassist ex .. Well then just go.. Pack your shit… The only reason you are still here is because I felt sorry for you! I’ve been trying to figure out a way to get you out for a month…. As I was threatening to leave… I got in the car and was gone for three days.. No text or calls from him. I was busy collecting help to move my things. I was busy getting a uhaul. I show back up knock on the door … He says “Hi” with a hopeful look on his face…then he sees the uhaul backing in the driveway… His chin drops and looks at me with a hatred so deed i shuttered.. He says..” I think this is best”
    I said… ” I think you have been doing the thinking in this situation for way too long, I’m taking it from here.” Myself and 3 others packed a 26 foot uhaul with all my belongings.. Total of three hours… The whole time he drank… Drink after drink.. And watched sports in the living room…
    This relationship has been the hardest battle of my life. The mental torture has been unbearable at times. With that being said… It has also been my power that fuels me! I will not give up on love and compassion. I know I am alone in this feeling of loss. He feels like we should be friends and texts… I am no contact… I have hired a lawyer to take care of the legal issues ( house) and if I NEVER see the abusive ex narcassist again… It will be too soon. THERE IS LIFE AFTER ALL THE THINGS THEY DO TO YOU. I am single, making my own way.. And learning… More everyday .. How to love me as more than I loved him.

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    1. Rachel,

      Your strength really inspires me! You sound like an amazing woman!

      I am not sure if we have met yet here on the blog…Welcome if you are new!

      I admire those that get stronger after life’s challenges!

      God bless!

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  5. He really did say, “I own you now” early on when we were having sex. I thought that was a really odd thing to say. Not free yet. The rage and fury at having 3 years of secrecy discovered has increased over the last year. Still gathering courage and money. At least I don’t live with him anymore. Going to take a moment to be thankful for that. Peace and quiet and my dog. And HG to keep me company as I gather knowledge and try to wrap my head around all of this and grieve the loss of the false persona that I fell in love with 7 years ago.

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  6. Bravo !! Bravo !! The interpretations of the narcs spoken words versus their literal meanings give me immense insight into just how far removed our two trains of thought really are.

    I believe I like these posts the most because you’re shredding the Primary (as usual), but explaining your own insecurity, and ulterior motives at the same time. It gives you (dare I say) a more human component and it lets me see the disorder clearer. I guess hearing about how submissive, helpless, unsuspecting, and inconsequential the women in your life have been, it’s much more helpful , to me at least, to hear the reality that goes on inside, behind the mask. (And, yep, as an empath, I’m able to feel your “pain” , for lack of a better term).

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  7. Great post! It seems that both seek the same thing. External love and attention. What ever “Love” each think it means and how it is interpreted really doesn’t matter. They are both dependant on each other to get what ever it is they think they need from each other externally and from other people. They both thrive on control, manipulation, etc just to get what ever they think they need and can’t figure it out. This goes back to unmet needs from childhood that is acting up in adulthood for both people. If you truly realize that you are happiness, your supply comes from within (this goes for both) , this would be a fun game (hold on.. hold your horses, let me finish). No one would blame any narc for anything as we are responsible for our own happiness right? Look within and really. . It’s so much more fun loving yourself and shining like a bright light where ever you are and whatever you do. You will attract your own supply in a smoother way and I promise you don’t have to work as hard getting your way. This is for both end of the spectrum Ahuh.. mmm delicious!

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  8. 1) It’s actually *because* of everything you have done ‘for’ me.
    2) Bummer.
    3) Good.
    4) I know.
    5) For my health.
    6) Your other girlfriend will. Why do you think I haven’t contacted her?
    7) LMFAO

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