Long Live the King

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I will always come back to you. I do this because I need to know that you are still pining for me. I need to know that you have not been able to move on from the pain that I have caused you. When I have cast you asunder and I have left you in a mental torment of pain and confusion as you struggle to reconcile the early golden period with the horror that followed, I will leave you be for perhaps a couple of months and then make my reappearance. Somewhere down the line, I will disappear again. I will wait for as long as I vanished the first time so you start to think, “yes he has really gone this time” and then I will add a week and then reappear. Each time I do this I wait just a little longer than the time before so you lower your admittedly fragile defences. It is all calculated.

I do this so you are conditioned to expect me back at some point. This means that I can seek out new victims in the meanwhile safe in the knowledge that you are sat waiting for me and will provide me with a deliciously juicy source of fuel in the future. It also means that I can manage your expectations. I get away with more and you expect far less. Again, it is all designed to enable me to do what I want.

I often return expecting to carry on as if nothing has happened. I call this my grand entrance. Like a king I will sweep back into your life and you will be so relieved to see me and also blown away by the grandiose nature of my return that you will be powerless to resist my overtures. In fact, because I will open the gates to heaven for a little while, you are relieved and delighted to have me back again. You think I have changed. You think I have been away and reflected on what I have done and have returned improved, better and redeemed. Oh the look on your face when I just appear at your front door. I can see you want to shout at me. I know you want to call me all the names under the sun but you cannot. My conditioning of you is so effective you just melt into my arms.

Alternatively, I decide I will play the spinning game. I will telephone you and then hang up the moment you answer. You call me back and I do not answer. You are now wondering why have I called? What does he want? Is it more torment or is he calling to apologise and makes things right? You cannot help but over analyse this situation. That is part of your DNA and why I chose you. I keep you spinning round and round. This entertains me and also softens you up for when I do decide to make the grand entrance.

Which ever way I decide to return, return I will and I shall do so in triumph as I capture you once more.

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39 thoughts on “Long Live the King”

    1. Then you will witness a sustained attempt to hoover you. If that does not work,expect further intermittent attempts either good or bad, influenced by the type of N you were involved with and the extent to which you enter his sphere of influence again.

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      1. You were right, HG 🙂 Of course. He is being very, very covert as he has been warned by church to not contact or approach me. Why do you lot appear just as things settle??

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    2. Word for word of what was written “long Live The King” Gives me chills of fear! Last time he came back! I kept a journal of the calls and the stalking and got a protection order. This is all going on while he is 6 months into his new victim! Freak! I never once called him nor contacted him but he would stalk me and wouldnt let me go. I became agrophbic, depressed, and fell apart. Doctor says “A Melt Down” The protection order is for 2 years! It hopefully will keep him away!

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  1. Yes!!! This is so true!
    I have been no contact ! I lived this tug and pull life for a year! He was love bomb king for first 3 months! Then boom! He decides he’s not happy… Wants a reaction! I was in shock! I beefed and pleaded to make it better! Wth was I thinking! I was the perfect partner… Wanted love and respect… Did everything ! Cried, shattered all my boundaries ! I then would wait for an ounce of emotion from him. He acted like I was a bother to him… To even touch. He looked me in the eye as I was crying… And said… I have no desire to to touch you… The only reason I do is for you. I was in denial … That wanting to be wanted and loved and needed were wrong. I was becoming him!
    As I would wait for him to wake up I would cry and ask myself .. What am I doing? He had moved me away from all my friends and family 7 hours away… No money and no way out. I was so afraid to go to the store that he would be cheating or texting past loves… I was always checking his phone. He was making me crazy! He made me feel ugly and depression sat in. I wanted to scream! The night I finally stepped up and told him somthing has to change or I was leaving…( took all the guts I had) and was standing there shaking… Scared and crying…
    He comes back at me with eyes of a demon… So put frothing at the corners or his mouth… In a rage like I had never seen before… Good! Pack your shit! The only reason you are still here is because I feel sorry for you ! And. I’ve been trying to figure out how to get you out for the past month. I left that day. Broken. In a fog. My heart torn out. I came back three days later .. Packed up all my things and left… The whole time he was watching sports and getting drunk.
    I have went no contact. He continues to text. I do not open them. He text my mother when I don’t reply. She has blocked him. I have unfriended him on social media. Now his mother is sending Happy Mother’s Day text .. His friends that were my friends .. Only by knowing him… I have also unfriended on social media… Are sending me messages. In all this ” flying monkies” I have yet to crack. I have moved on in my recovery. I will never, not once look back, because I can still feel the hot breath of this demon on my shoulders every step I take forward. Be strong!

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      1. Thank you! I have had no desire to answer his text… I own a property with him or I would block him for good. He has stopped texting for a week… So let’s see what’s next… I have moved on with my happiness.❤️

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  2. A Breakthrough….
    I have been with My N four years. (One year married, tho we have never lived under same roof). The latest MIA had lasted 3 weeks. Against everyone’s advice, I agreed to meet him for dinner. For the first time EVER, after all the push away’s and pull me back, after so many times I “melted into his arms, just at the sight of him,” I honestly felt nothing. NOTHING. He wasn’t good looking or unattractive. He wasn’t charming or boring. He wasn’t muscular or scrawny. He wasn’t intelligent or a buffoon. He was nothing to me. Even when he tried to hold my hand, touch and kiss me, it was like a familiar family friend that you are polite to, but feel nothing for. Plain. Tepid. Nothing. This feeling of nothing is the most powerful I have felt in four years. It is amazing and revealing and healing. Now to make him think the divorce is HIS idea….

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      1. Thank you T…. Each day is still a battle of sorts because as HG has said previously, he will not divorce me. Not sure how to proceed from here to achieve that end, but reading and learning has helped me get this far. The ability to predict his next move- from social media BS to slandering me- has allowed me to not react. Which btw is driving him crazy. That gives me a sense of satisfaction I must admit. From what I read here… His evil ugly worst is yet to come.

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  3. Thank you for reminding me this will happen. It is only been slightly over a year since we have split for God but of course he still comes into my life periodically this time I will react differently and I thank you very much for the forewarning

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  4. The spinning game. Another version of this is where my mother is “done” talking to me & just when I think I get to enjoy blessed silence, she launches into a three hour harangue about I don’t even know what (because after 38 years of this shit, I’ve stopped listening)

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  5. A true but very exhausting situation. Once a decisiom is taken to start a new life there should be no looking back. To focus on a new life, new experiences, feelings and livings is a promising focus for the future.

    Thanks HG for the posting. As always great! Comgratulations for having reached more than half a million hits!!!!
    YOU ARE THE BEST !!! 😘😘😘❤️💓

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  6. I was leaving…..i got hoovered in. One more sex session….how bad can it be? Texting next morning….theres not enough food in the house, i want you gone. You stole food and didnt replace it. Your a thief. Get out. Lame shit but i allowed the hoover to prove to myself he is indeed a N. He locked me out. I broke a window. He called cops hoping id get arrested. No. I live here idiot….today is hell. Hes on eggshells wondering what I will do next. I feel powerful….got him scared. Freedom soon…..💔

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    1. Rose,

      He doesn’t deserve you!
      Don’t downgrade yourself to “booty call”……he just kicked you in the teeth in the end….

      *hugs*

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  7. The spin which got under my skin was through FB Messenger: when the N is active (chatting with someone else) and I start typing, then suddenly N’s status is inactive. There is nothing to be said in that situation without sounding like a stalker. (steam slowly rolls out of ears as ego deflates little by little)

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    1. And don’t we just know that. I used my Blackberry Messenger to that effect.It would tell the sender that I had read the message and that I was typing a response but I would just leave it there so they were always waiting whilst I went off and did something else. It was great for getting pent-up messages sent to me.

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      1. So glad to have this confession so I never again get my panties in a wad over the little “typing a response bubbles” that I experienced a multitude of times. Just like calling me and hanging up …and then saying it was a butt dial. Lol.

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  8. HG, is there a thread started for the Devil’s Toolkit? I have thoughts on it as I’m reading, but they are off-topic when posted in daily blogs.

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  9. I’m taking my ex to court. It’s a horrible game of I charge you/ you charge me. She was very very shocked I finally stood up for myself. But in the mean time she is doing everything to try and destroy me. It’s hard.

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  10. I’ve had a fake fb profiles for four years now. We were only together for a year and a half! On the last fake name I made the mistake of showing my face in my profile photo. He made a fake profile and posted negative reviews to trash my current boyfriend’s (a WONDERFUL man) sister’s business in response. HG, will he never stop? Do I have to “hide” forever?

    The backstory is that I finally went NC after he had to move out of state for a new job. He wanted me to follow him and tried all the tricks, made promises etc etc. I now live in a different COUNTRY and he still tries to poke at me. After the breakup I got enough information about him that I could symbolically knock him out and I’m not above blackmailing him into silence but I’d rather just continue to not engage.

    HG thank you so much for bearing your soul (yes, I do believe you have one) and helping so many many people heal. You’ve turned a hugely challenging negative into such an amazing positive and we are very grateful for that. I sincerely hope that you find true self worth and peace. You’re getting help and lots of people are rooting for you. Just because doctors etc don’t know of a “cure” (or whatever) does not mean that there isn’t one.

    My fellow combat veterans, please do not lose hope! Yes, it has taken years, but my ptsd is a LOT better and three months after The Bad One moved away I met someone amazing who had impacted my life in so many positive ways! It can and will happen for you! You are all amazing and you WILL recover! <3

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    1. Hello Elaine, he will never stop so long as he has an opportunity to gain fuel. You inadvertently gave him that opportunity by using your face in the profile pic. We are cruising along, seeking new victims, tormenting old ones and if you keep off our radar you will be left alone. The moment you do something and sometimes it is only slight, which gives us an in, we will come for you in order to gain fuel. It is akin to Lord of the Rings. If the one ring is not worn, the Nazgul don’t know where the ringbearer is but as soon as it is worn it sends out a signal that has them homing in on the ringbearer. It is similar for us. Yes, even though you are in a different country the advantage/disadvantage of technology soon eats away the miles. Thank you for your kind words, they are appreciated.

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  11. And what if, for the first time ever, I see right through you. I know exactly what you are and I never want to see you again. You’ve spent 6 months trying to Hoover me back in. But I haven’t let you. I don’t love you anymore. I don’t want you anymore. And I know you’re just trying to gain me back as supply.

    And then some day you realise this. And I’ve stopped texting you. I’ve stopped replying to your texts. And I don’t react to your profile pictures on social media. The ones you put there specificly for me. Though you would deny that.
    You know I can see them though, because “No contact” isn’t an option when there are children involved.

    Now you’re with new supply. She’s oblivious. She loves you. She would do anything and you’re her king and you know it.
    Will you still come back for me?

    I hope you won’t. Don’t ever come back.

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  12. C’mon…the call and hang up then don’t answer routine actually works on them?! It’s so elementary, I’m surprised they’re actually falling for it. Silly rabbits…tricks are for kids. I guess if you’re not dazzling them with brilliance, you’re baffling them with bullshit…. cheers!

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  13. What is the likely outcome when you NC for 8 months and then deliberately accepted the Hoover the intention being to deliberately cause narcissistic rage, which you had great success with. You are then discarded which you actually laugh at but send a final text letting them know that you know what they are and will shout it out if they don’t leave you alone. It has got to the point that if I now got a Hoover I would feel very insulted as it would imply to me that I still come across as weak enough to accept it.

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    1. Just to clarify icecube do you mean that you allow yourself to be hovered and then you do something to ignite the N’s fury on purpose? This results in you then being discarded and you send a shot across the N’s bows concerning exposure. If so and a further hoover occurred this is likely to be of malign nature to punish you, dependent on the type of N you are dealing with. If a lesser or mid-range it is likely that they will focus on someone else for fuel. A greater N would look to dole out malign hoovers to provoke reactions from you. A malign hoover is not designed to suck you back in to the “usual” relationship but instead is aimed at maintaining of relationship/connection whereby you are provoked to provide negative fuel.

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      1. Thanks for your response.
        Yes after seeing what he was 9 months ago (took me over 3 years !) I decided that was it. He had gone into another silent treatment and I had enjoyed it. I became me again. He then called and was angry that I was happy so I decided not to acknowledge him again ignoring all messages and calls. Then as I felt strong and felt like having a bit of fun and had also put on a bit of weight (doing battle with him was great for weight loss) I decided to accept a message so I could idealise/devalue him, critisise him and “pay back” a bit knowing it would end again and I would not care.
        I’ve since bought your books. My problem now is that I cannot work out which type he is. He seems to be a combination of all but cerebral. I know he is now “smearing” me as I have heard things back that only he knew.
        I read your book about getting revenge and it is very tempting but I’d like to feel if I just ride it out and ignore everything he might just move on completely. I’d like to know that he would be gone from any interest in my life for good and not even have to think about what he’d do. But I don’t know how to tell what will happen and I want to know.

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      2. Thanks for the additional information and for reading the books. Our kind can have traits from different cadres of narcissist but they will lean towards one type more than another, with traits from perhaps two cadres. How do you intend to deal with the smearing? Will you ride that out too? Is it having any impact on you?

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  14. It can make you a little paranoid. You find yourself not sure what is pure coincidence and what is real. Yes I will ride it out. Nothing lasts for ever after all. So refreshing to talk to you. I can’t bear all the other sites with the “victim” or “survivor” mentality. I don’t see myself as either. Thank you

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  15. I remember this game…. I call it the merry go round from hell. Never moving forward wasting my precious time. Wish I knew about this last year but today I am more educated. Will be leaving soon.

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