Shooting You Down

A plaintive wail which I often hear is along the lines of,

“Why do you always have to shoot me down? I give you everything you could ever want. Why can’t you just be happy with that?”

As usual you delude yourself with such a statement. You do not give me everything I could ever want. You think that you do, but that is the self-centredness that you often exhibit creeping in once again. You certainly care, I will grant you that, but you make the mistake of assuming what you do is what we want. What we want is fuel. I know what comes next.

“I always told you how much I loved you, I admired and complimented you often and frequently. How much more could I make you feel good about yourself?”

Therein lies the problem. No matter how good your intentions and how frequent your worship of me, my kind and me will always grow tired of it. We have heard your kind words and seen your appreciative gestures too many times and it, well, it just does not do it for us anymore. I am sure that you emotionally in touch people would be the first to complain if a long established partner engages in the same routine in the bedroom. It does not hit the spot anymore does it? Well, it is just the same for us. You may ultimately accept that things cool somewhat in the bedroom and I know from what I have seen and heard that you trade this passion off (although not always, there are some sexual thrill seekers amongst your kind) for other qualities that you find attractive – humour, companionship, security, warmth, good parental skills, intelligence and such like. There is no hope for any such trade with us. We only want one thing from our relationship. Fuel. We do not care (ultimately) how good-looking you are, how much of a whore you are between the sheets, how wonderful a mother you may be, what a raconteur you are or how much you earn. We will never accept those things or anything else as a substitute for fuel. True enough, the more aged of our kind sometimes accept these things when their need for fuel diminishes but that need never goes away. They may decide to accept these attributes alongside largely positive fuel, but they will still need to stir things up from time to time.

That is not going to happen with me. I am at the peak of my powers and therefore my need for fuel remains substantial. There can be no substitute for it at all and nor can there be any co-existence between the provision of fuel and other attributes. It is fuel or nothing. In order to achieve this I have to shoot you down because once that is done you start to flow with the potent negative fuel and my cravings start to be addressed. You can beg and plead with me, you can point out how you will always only ever have eyes for me, you can express your love, desire, adoration and admiration on an hourly basis but there comes a point when it just does not have that sweetness anymore. It is then that I pull the handgun from my jacket, attach the silencer and fire several vitriolic bullets into you. Your pain from these wounding bullets gives me the fuel that I need and therefore your shooting is necessary. Moreover, it is your punishment for letting me down. You really ought to be capable of pleasing me the whole time but so far, all that I have chosen have failed. That is why I now expect you to fail and have that gun to hand at all times.

When I shoot you down, I become more powerful as the fuel flows from you. Moreover, it is easy to get someone to admire and adore. Those reactions come naturally to your kind. It is far harder to extract tears, anger, frustration and regret from the empath. Managing to do so imbues your emotional reaction with greater potency, your fuel becomes supercharged and this is what we want. We cannot shoot you down from the beginning, we need you stood on a pedestal first, after all, you present as such an inviting target then and your toppling as the bullets slam into you becomes all the more satisfying.

I sense your dismay as you read this. You had hoped that by keeping me sweet and onside through a dazzling and tireless display of love, affection and admiration you had hoped to avoid such an attack. Your concerns should not be absolute. There is an upside you know. Firstly, when we find someone else after we have shot you down, keep in mind they will eventually be riddled with bullet holes no matter how happy we both appear at first. It is coming to them as it came to you. I am sure that makes you feel a little better doesn’t it? Secondly, there is a huge saving grace.

We never shoot you dead.

We need you alive so we can raise you up again as we re-load.

33 thoughts on “Shooting You Down

  1. Noname says:

    “You had hoped that by keeping me sweet and onside through a dazzling and tireless display of love, affection and admiration you had hoped to avoid such an attack.”

    Your “attack” comes from realization that she loves not real you, but the person you “created” for her. So, nothing can prevent this “shooting down” event. It is inevitable. You can’t stand this false “happy” life with her anymore. You have to “shoot her down” and get relief from your internal pain.

    Am I right?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No, the attack comes from the dissatisfaction with the positive fuel and thus the change must be effected.

      1. Noname says:

        I got it. Thank you, Tudor.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are welcome.

  2. Andrea says:

    This is some real shit..

  3. susan anderson says:

    Reblogged this on Your Journey Begins Today and commented:
    Another GREAT Blog By HG Tudor on How the NPD is NEVER HAPPY with his ‘SUPPLY’ or as he calls it, ‘FUEL’ MUST READ!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Susan.

  4. apocalipznow says:

    ….or tom petty

  5. T says:

    HG….did you break another heart over the weekend, Babe?

    You know us Empath’s can feel your moods….we are always with you…just like you are always with us…..

    1. malignnarc says:

      Ha ha, me a heart-breaker? You must have me confused with someone else!

      1. T says:

        Why do I imagine that all of your heartbroken women feel like they were in control of the beginning….reminds me of this song by Ministry:

        ‘you said you needed full time help
        cos you’re all alone
        I said i’d work for nothing at all
        if I just could take you home

        and now you’re taking applications
        for your love
        you wanted certain specifications
        I circled the one that said all the above

        work… for love

        finally got my resume
        and you said you’d reviewed it some other day
        I said, ‘girl, hey, do it if you dare
        where i’d like to go our love will flare’

        finally my letter arrived
        and I knew you would be mine
        instead I had to prove my turf
        for the first two weeks work overtime

        work… for love
        you’ve got to work
        you’ve got to work for love’

        Ministry – Work For Love

      2. apocalipznow says:

        ……..pat benatar. ; )

  6. apocalipznow says:

    Man, I’d like to kick you square dead in your nuts sometimes. But only because you’re brutally honest and ,thus, the spokesman of sorts for narcs.
    : )

    1. malignnarc says:

      Getting kinky are we, well as you know I don’t like vanilla!

      1. apocalipznow says:

        lol me neither. Either way there will be nuts on that cone! ; )

      2. When you say you don’t like vanilla… regards to sex…is that common for narcs? My ex (narc) was very hyper sexual…..and eventually led he into a “swinger lifestyle” and more..
        He had been wearing me down for abt 5-6 years..before the conditioning and survival skill of doing whatever he wanted to pacify him and keep peace (peace that never existed anyway) and bc if i didn’t there would be a consequence….. so i did it. And fooled myself playing his game that i liked it and was in to it. And on some levels i was. I found people who cared and actually valued me beyond sex…more than my ex was ever capable of….
        But of course near the end….it interfered too much w my moral compass and was not fulfilling and suppressive to i was just an object especially to my ex…so i stopped it. Of course, he said he stopped it and claimed the moral high ground for himself and blamed me for having “sexual issues” and needed help.
        He was a pious saint. Praise the lord.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Indeed it is Tammy, see the book Sex and the Narcissist for much more on this important aspect of the narcissistic dynamic.

    2. mlaclarece says:

      I’m sure Karen, Alex, Caroline, Lesley, Sisters with the missing dig, etc., would all sport #TeamApocalipznow shirts!

      1. malignnarc says:

        Hey, stop stirring Clarece.

        1. mlaclarece says:


      2. apocalipznow says:

        @mlaclarese…..don’t threaten ME with a good time !!! ; )

      3. apocalipznow says:

        ..if only it was an Olympic sport!!

        1. mlaclarece says:

          Lolll, I remember this! If only!

    3. susan anderson says:


  7. nikitalondon says:

    There is a big contrast from yesterdays post to todays.. Todays brings an all very well know feeling of pain 😢, sadness , fear, desperation and confusion. All together are paralyzing. And you continue to ask yourself now what did I do?? What did I say? What did I not do? Its like when you loose your car keys and you have to go through all what you did from the last time you had them to the moment you are now.
    Being shot down leaves you in this state of going back and back to see where did it happen? 😢😢. Go over and over and over what did I do now wrong ?
    HG Is it all of a suddem or periodically that you get this desire of shooting down? Does it come only when being let down? Or does it come just out of the nothing this desire to gain this kind of fuel and power?

    Much love then to you ❤️❤️, that this urges/desires dont come so often, to hurt by the back , the person that wants to make you happy . 😘😘😘. Maybe another type of love… A melancholic love without a jumping heart.. 💝

    1. malignnarc says:

      The desire arises from being let down and thereafter by way of the need for fuel and to punish.

  8. cat1520 says:

    HG you have given so much to us. You have no idea. Thank you. This is so honest. Naked.

    1. malignnarc says:

      Thank you cat1520 I appreciate that.

  9. Cara says:

    No, you never shoot me dead…you need me alive because it’s all an elaborate hunt for you, and you can’t hunt a dead thing. So you’ll slap me awake & tell me to run while you reload. I admit it was fun at first, trying to outsmart you at your own game (maybe we’re more alike than I care to admit), but now it’s getting old.

    1. nikitalondon says:

      Cara this is never sustainable such a behaviour. It is not that its getting old, it is that you have discovered other things and hence move away from that toxic and destructful behaviour. Lots of forces to be able to ” neutralize” the behaviour of your mom at your best interest and avoiding pain as much as possible. 🌷

  10. mlaclarece says:

    Your cravings START to be addressed at the onset of our potent negative fuel. What is all this other fluff written before and after this statement? Blah, blah, why can’t you be happy with my love and admiration, blah, blah, we should be punished for not pleasing you the whole time, blah, blah, blah.
    The nuts and bolts are in that one statement. You are wired to get pleasure sensors released upon hurting others. Fix that! Then you can save yourself.

  11. Lil one says:

    Can we shoot you down also for letting us down.. when we un mask you can we shoot you when we see your real face .. when you hurt us can we shoot you. But you are already the walking dead are you not . This is not fair at all . Your expectations are so high from us but what you give us is not real .. it was/is pretend . What you feel was fake what we feel is real. No amount of discription of those feelings to you.. you will never understand . But you sure understand criticism and injury to your ego that you sure do don’t you ..that kind of hurt you can feel. . Narcissistic injury that is loud and clear to you.

    1. malignnarc says:

      Do feel free to try to shoot me down but invariably the way you will do this will only provide fuel. Not all that I feel is fake – the power which I feel from gaining the fuel is very real. No it isn’t fair, but I am telling you the way it is.

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