Baby Steps

I am just a baby in your arms. I am fragile, brittle and vulnerable. You see I was broken when I was so, so young. I did not know any different and all I wanted was to be told that I was good. I did everything I could to please them but it was never deemed enough. I don’t know why I could not make them love me but it just did not happen. Perhaps if I had tried harder. I know it is my fault really but I did not know any better. They took something from me, I still do not know what it really is, but I think you do. I think you hold the answer because of who you are. I try to be a good person, I really do but there is just something that stops me from being that decent and compassionate person.  I see what you and people like you do and I cannot help but wish I was the same. Sometimes I want it so much it makes me do things I should not do because I cannot control the jealousy that rises and makes me do those Bad Things. Believe me, I fight against it but I have not had the strength to defeat the wickedness but I have you now don’t I? You will shield me and give me the fortitude I require to complete my journey to redemption. Everything that has happened before was borne out me lacking you. Those things that I have done, well, I am not proud of them but I was weak and knew no better. I did not have you to lead and guide me. The others, you see, those others promised me that they would take care of me but they were just pretenders and charlatans who took from me and left me twisted and beaten in the dust. Sometimes I had to fight back. That was when I struck out at them. I did not want to, truly I did not want to do those things, but sometimes I was given no choice. I know all that has gone now because you are here. You are the person I have waited for for so long. I believe in you and how you can save me. You are my caretaker, my salvation and my rock. I look to you and you give me such hope. You show me that there is a better way, a road that leads to salvation. It is a road that will take me away from the Badlands and the darkness. I understand the road may be long, it may wind through difficult places but ultimately, with you holding my hand, I know what I will reach that place where I need not be afraid any longer. I need not hurt and lash out but instead I can harness the real goodness that is somewhere deep inside me.

You told me that it is there and I believe you. You know about these things. That is the way you have been made. You are the carer, the healer and the peacemaker. You must understand why it is that you are so special to me. You are the only one who truly understands what is to be me and you are the only one who can save me. I will place my heart in your hands and let you care for it. I have been broken, I have been broken for far too long, a shattered and fractured creature who has had to endure living this way without any hope of redemption, until you came along. Please, make me a better person. Please care for me and nurse me and hold my hand when the demons come. I look to you and only you and in those optimistic eyes of yours I find absolution.

All I want is to be loved. It is not too much to ask is it. I am a noble yet broken person and you hold the power to make me what I want to be, what I should be. I am like a baby in your arms. I am vulnerable yet with you there anything becomes possible. I know you will love me, care for me and protect me. You will save me. You are the only one.

You fall for this speech.

Every time.

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16 thoughts on “Baby Steps”

  1. This one is one of my favorites. I fell for it and I fall for it again because I love it. Its such a nice and meaningful piece of work 💝
    Yesterday I read a quote that captivated my heart and it said ” those who are hardest to love, need it the most” and its so true.
    Those who have been broken inside and were given so much pain, have no choice than to pass the pain further on but by receiving love, the need to do that will fade out. Love makes them feel hope and warmth again. Being accepted and loved by what you are.
    With love and care we can fix ourselves, feel together and not for the other one, and get together to the end of that bumpy road.
    There is alot of good in you and it will come out. You have done so much for meand others. 🌔. Remember you are the bright side of the moon. You are so talented. You were also a big part of my healing. Ive done my job and my homework to takecare of myself and learn to lovemyself and I will pass on this to you so we will fight together against vulnerabilities and insecurities.
    You are very valuable to this earth and to me, and you still can do so much and I will walk by your side admiring all that you are capable of giving yourself so that it reflects goodness. I will. ❤️😘😘😘🌔

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  2. Holy mackerel. G did it again!

    Is this this the presentation HG instinctively knows Cinderella needs to hear and believe to open her heart? Is that a morsel of truth, like garnishing on a scrumptious meal, a sliver of truth that Cinderella intuits?

    Does HGs elevated self awareness above most of his kind give him the fearlessness and insight to admit that long before the cynicism set in, this was a genuine hope?

    HG has done very well. Cinderella is impressed either way and sends her approval and forgiveness wrapped in genuine empathy for him.

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  3. Quite the penitent speech. Always conning to manipulate aren’t you? I admit that would appeal to me to assume caretaker role over an inner wounded child wanting to be “saved”. If it were really true. I would speculate however, when you finally find your angelic Amanda-esque person, you will just naturally feel peace and contentment in her presence. You’ll find that wanting or feeling like you need to do the terrible acts just sort of fade into black and aren’t required anymore to exist. The chaos becomes still.

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  4. Hello HG!
    I just wanted to thank you for your answer on May the 5th. It was the last doubt I had about my narc. Now, thanks you, I understand perfectly well how he got his fuel from me and why he chose me. It does not hurt anymore, I feel free. After a long relationship I told him bye, in a very educated way and felt free, but I could not understand his answer sending me his wedding photos with someone who met 20 years ago and suddenly became his soul mate ( his words). After your answer I understand. Thanks a lot. Being a narcissist you seem to be a peculiar one, maybe ’cause you are Elite. XXX
    PD: I’ ve already read four of your books.

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    1. Hello Marga thank you for reading and I am pleased that you have found my answer and my writing of use to you. I shall take your description of me as being peculiar as meaning unusual in my uniqueness. I hope you have managed to post reviews for those books which you have read and you continue to do so.

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  5. HG I was reading this and thinking you are speaking to God till I reached the end.
    That’s exactly how Id speak to God
    Till I reached the end

    Absolutely brilliant wordings

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  6. “Sometimes I want it so much it makes me do things I should not do because I cannot control the jealousy that rises and makes me do those Bad Things. Believe me, I fight against it but I have not had the strength to defeat the wickedness but I have you now don’t I? You will shield me and give me the fortitude I require to complete my journey to redemption. Everything that has happened before was borne out me lacking you. Those things that I have done, well, I am not proud of them but I was weak and knew no better. I did not have you to lead and guide me.”

    This is it, this was how I was ensnared by my Narc. I too have a wounded heart, how could I not identify with that, how could I not want to mend our wounds together and sew up the hurts with our love? I should of paid attention to the part about fighting, trying not to do the things he did, but not having the strength or discipline to stop himself on his own. This speech was even said to me as recent as a month ago….he has not problem saying he made a mistake, he’s an idiot, he will live with regret for the rest of his life…..as his words reach out with giant claws, reaching into my heart…”.come save me….like you did before, you are the only one that can…”

    Thanks to you HG, I can tell my heart twinges to calm down, he’s texting 5 other woman or more…. saying the same thing to them right now.

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  7. The big irony is that it is a truth, but it is hard to deal with it. Narc wants to be loved and cared and Empath wants the same. Fire meets gasoline.

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