Seeking Revenge

I know you hate me. Your kind are filled with love and then filled with hate. There is no need to deny it. It is a normal reaction for someone like you and one which I entirely endorse and encourage. I know you will try and mask that burning anger that you feel by saying you pity me or that you have nothing but contempt for me but I can see it. Those sensational eyes of yours that once blazed with desire, passion and most of all hope, are now filled with the churning, billowing flames of hatred. Some of you will fight to contain this sensation. You fear that by giving in to this hatred that you will somehow be on a level with me. I can ease your fears in that regard. You are nowhere near my level and nor were you. I placed you far higher than me to begin with. Yes it was artificial and all part of my design but you had no complaint then did you? You did not object or demur when I thrust you skywards and planted you no that pedestal. Of course you did not. Who would? Nobody would and least of all somebody like you. Now you are on your true level, way down below me, cast onto stony ground, broken and shattered. Amazing though isn’t it how you managed to summon such an anger from somewhere. How many times had you said to your confidantes that you felt numb (yes they were reporting back to me). Yet now look at you. A seething, glowering fireball of hatred and it is all directed at me. I adore this.

You want to destroy me. I know you do. You all do. The one before you was exactly the same as the one before was and the one before her. The next one will be just the same,although I do still hold out some hope that she might just be different and somehow avoid the mistakes all those who have gone before have made. I have seen this hatred many times and your desire for revenge is strong. Of course it is. I made it this way. Everything I did as I brought you down low was programmed to cause you to eventually explode into hatred. From elation to despair, through broken to numb. Eventually the switch would be flicked and as puppet master I ignite the fire beneath you which stokes the flames of hatred. Despise me, go on, do it. Send those wicked words towards me. Tell me what a bastard I am. Keep it coming. Pull you hair, wave your fist and stamp your feet. Tell me how you are going to scratch my car. Feels good does it not? Believe me, it feels even better being on the receiving end of your bile and hate. Go on, sit with your friends and plot your revenge, I can feel you all huddled around your cauldron as you try and concoct ways at getting back at me. I feel so powerful knowing you are focussed on seeking retribution. This is what I want. I want to bask in the heat of your anger, I want to be covered in the disgust and distaste that you will spew towards me. I want you scheming, hatching and planning. By hurting you do deeply I plant inside you that overwhelming desire to get even with me. It happens every time and is all part of my master plan to ensure you, my beautiful appliance keep pouring fuel in my direction. I make you seek revenge for in doing so, your planning and ham-fisted execution of the same give me what I want. Fuel. You are blinded with your hatred so that you fail to realise you will not succeed in gaining revenge, not by shouting, spitting and scratching. Oh no, this overload of howling anger is just a banshee of fuel to me. I will twist and shift as I thwart your attempts, laughing at your pathetic efforts to try and get one over on me. This will spur you on as I lead you on yet another merry dance as I continue to take from you exactly what I need. So please, seek your revenge. You will not get it but I will be delighted seeing you try.

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29 thoughts on “Seeking Revenge”

  1. Ok. Fine. Don’t do anything that any human would normally do to exact revenge after discard. Nothing that would give us back a hint of our self-esteem and a teeny bit of pride back.

    After all the teary emails from the depths of my heart….you must’ve really liked that – must have turned you on to send the email response of “if you want to get laid, I’m in”.

    So what do we do? What, if anything, would make you unhappy?

    I called you a soulless troll after a ‘warning’ email from you for me to stay away from the places you go. You liked that then didn’t you? If I call you names. I see that now. Seeing me reminds you of the day that you exposed your true self to not only me, but others that know you and a whole bunch of strangers. It hurts you to have that reminder if I’m around that you’re just a big old phony.

    Do I ignore you thoroughly? I’ve recovered from 4 months of being numb, no thanks to you, and I just want to clobber you for ruining everything. I can’t disappear, and won’t. You don’t get that satisfaction.

    It doesn’t matter the level of monster. Even monsters have things that give them pause, perhaps a brief moment of sadness?

    What is it. Tell us.

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    1. Hello Jules Mermaid, yes those emotion-filled e-mails will have been full of fuel for him and you saw the response. Yes name-calling contains emotion, anger and frustration, which provides fuel. If you want to weaken us then apply the principles set out in Escape and No Contact.If you want to go further then apply the content of Revenge.

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  2. I WILL seek revenge, saying those angry, hateful words to you. I’ll pull YOUR hair, I’ll wave my fist, I’ll froth at the mouth. I WILL sit with my friends & plot my revenge (over espresso). I may not get the revenge I plot, but pretending I don’t hate myself isn’t an option, it’s a form of lying to myself & I don’t lie to myself. As for feeling sorry for you…I feel sorry for autistic children. They have no control over their condition or their situation; YOU have total control of the situation & of how much of a bastard you are, so no, I don’t feel sorry for you.

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  3. Oh I’m very good and quite effective at exacting revenge. I’m very patient and make sure that I have the perfect plan in place, helping me elude any blame. I like to say I can flick the lit match at my nemesis and walk away unscathed. The only time I feel the urge to purposely cause anyone any type of distress is when they have purposely wronged me. The need for revenge hits me hard and I’m not capable of just letting things go, I must help karma along.

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  4. HG, What is better for me/worse for you (less fuel) after I have discarded you and I see you – seeing me happy and me acknowledging you liked nothing has happened and or total ignoring you? And out of curiousity, have you actually been diagnosed a Narc cause Pyscopath’s are much more self aware, aren’t they?

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    1. Hello American International School of Libya. I hope this finds you well. I find what you have shared here in regards to having been born into a narcopathic society very interesting and enlightened. Are you open to saying more about that?

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  5. You are laughable! You take yourself so seriously… We really don’t give a shit about you anymore… My revenge is for ME not for you. I just like beating you at your own game. It is a sport for me. Don’t confuse that with “feelings” and don’t confuse that with you having power over me. MY INDIFFERENCE TOWARD YOU, IS MINE AND MINE ALONE. YOU DO NOT CONTROL ME. YOU DO NOT MAKE ME FEEL. YOU HAVE ZERO POWER OVER ME!!! I am seeking revenge for fun because I like to see you have panic attacks. I AM CONTROLLING YOU… I LOVE SEEING YOUR FACE GET RED WHEN YOUR CAR IS SCRATCHED. Hahahaha . Take another vallium why don’t you? Hahahaaaa YOU HAVE ZERO POWER OVER ME. I dumped you, remember? I dumped you because you are worthless to me. I. DUMPED. YOU. and I neverrrrr call you. I disappeared. You don’t even know where I live right now. Your father was right when he told me that you are a loser with women. He is right that you are a loser with everything. Look at yourself now- your perception of yourself is laughable… Hahahaha you really think we care about you??? Hahaha I couldn’t care less about you. My gorgeous, handsome, smart, successful and beautiful new boyfriend is my life, my heartbeat, my focus – not you!!!! Hahaha… You are NOTHING to me. Your inflated perception of yourself is pathetic and LAUGHABLE!!!! The truth is that you really are a worthless human being to society. Your own father said it and knows you’re a loser. Your brother laughs at the”monuments that you try to build for yourself”. Your brother is your father’s favorite son for good reason. It is because your bother is smarter, better looking and more successful. He has four children and a successful marriage. You have zero children and women hate you!!!! Hahahaha. The only person on earth who admires and loves you is you- no one else cares about you!!! No one!!! Aaaah telling you these things is my sweet revenge…. I feel AWESOME! I am smiling, Kissing my beautiful boyfriend now…. We are laughing … HE LOVES WHAT I JUST WROTE!!! Good luck to you and your pathetic reputation. Bye bye!!!! Hahahahahaha

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  6. It is rare that a posting is totally foreign to my feelings or past. Maybe non of the postings have been, except for this one.
    Its amazingly well how you describe the hatred and the wishes for revenge.
    Not at all broken up marriages or partnerships end up in revenge. Some despite the sufferment manage to say good bye in peaceful terms.
    Revenge and hatred are a knife double edge. By hating and seeking revenge you hurt just yourself.
    Ive never felt any of those poisenous feelings but budhism treats them extensively.
    I suggest anybody who is overwhelmed with feelings like this, seeks for spiritual counseling and finds the freedom and door to a new beautiful life.

    Thanks for posting HG. I only feel gratitude and 😍 For you . 🌔
    😘😘😘

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    1. Hello, yes you can find the various articles in Confessions of a Narcissist, More Confessions, Further Confessions, A Delinquent Mind, Beautiful and Barbaric, Treasured and Tormented,Adored and Abhorred, Cherished and Chastised and Darlings and Demons. There is additional material in these books which does not appear on the blog which also answers several questions that have been posed about my history and development as well as narcissists in general.

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      1. Bethany

        Malignant narcissists and or sociopaths at the core of the disorder ( I use this term lightly) are consciously seeking out to victimize, to destroy, to harm. They are emotional and sexual predators. Often we believe that they are seeking only to absorb and replicate traits and find this easier on the psyche to accept.

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  7. i bought and read 7 of his books already. some information in those books i already knew some i didnt.. read those books understand them apply them to your life. we are talking about our lives here and not his. his life is an illusion . our lives … more valuable then he is.

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  8. I fantasized for months and months about scratching his face and biting pieces of his flesh and hearing his wails. Sometimes I indulged in fantasies of tying him up and slapping the truth and confessions out of him. Spitting on him, throwing drinks in his face. Pretending to be pleasantly surprised to see him and inviting him in and then hurling chairs upon him. Pulling out his thick black curly hair that I had so loved to stroke and feel against my skin. Bite off his ears that I used to kiss little tiny baby kisses at his behest. Kick him hard in his crotch where I once practically lived.

    I am grateful beyond measure I don’t care enough to fantasize about hurting him anymore. I know he could feel it when I did and it just gave him fuel.

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  9. On three occasions (maybe 4) he managed to push me so hard that I physically attacked him. At least twice after being woken out of a sound sleep, once when I was sick and was trying to sleep before I had to go to work. The last physical fight happened after he’d raised his hand to me as a threat so I punched him. I understand wanting revenge lol.

    I knew early on, before any of the physical fighting, that it was a very unhealthy relationship. The first time he “helped me with a breakthrough” I noticed how oddly satisfied with my tears he was. I won’t say that I was fake crying, I’ll just say that I was aware on some level that three was some serious acting going on and maybe I played along with that.

    At any rate I decided at that point that I wouldn’t cry in front of him anymore. From then on I would leave and spend the night somewhere else when he’d start in on me. When I’d been drinking or sleeping or likewise impaired is when he’d push me to an emotional breakdown I would respond with anger (fury?) and punching. No tears. I know it was still super delicious fuel for him though, don’t think I don’t realize that.

    I’d accepted my dark side before I ever met him. So don’t bother trying to make me feel guilty. Or “wrong” or too damaged.

    Now, four years later, I’m in a much much better place. And even when I’ve been in the middle of my worst ptsd episodes ( even while drunk or trying to sleep or sick) I still have not physically lashed out at my partner. Even if he’s been the one to inadvertently trigger me.

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  10. Damn. You people are angry xD

    I guess cause I tricked my Narc into signing all of our shit over to me during the final discard as she was walking out the door (yeah… I could see how desperate she wanted out.. ) I figured it was kind of even. Well, not with the money I spent over past 6 years but at least she basically had nothif of ours. you know I probably had a lot more anger then I remember but she don’t got nothing but lies and delusions now. I finally got bored of playing along and/or provoking responses and just dealing with her thinking she could talk to me how she wanted. Monday was the first day I committed to NC 🙂

    after 6 months I’m starting to feel alive again. I am hopeful most days. I got accepted into a masters program and my credit is 15 points away from qualifying for a VA home loan. It was so fucked 6 months ago because I was paying all the bills for years. Really I must thank her because she would have never let me go for my masters and there is no way in hell I would be about to. Buy a house if I was still with her because my Credit would probably be even worse.

    started talking to another girl but she got all crazy on me 0.0 no thanks 🙋🏻 not again. staying away from any type of dating scene and working on my success and my health and being happy alone.

    Would I enjoy spitting on her face or .. Ok now I see. Once you start thinking then you want to pull hair and slam heads 😂

    But really. I know the best revenge is success, real success. she’s already been given cards to fail at life and I know she’s the shame type I try not think of her too terribly. She’s on the 2nd gf love of her life since she left me. dropping like flies 🐣

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  11. This article is from the perception of a greater right? Because if the other two schools don’t know what they are they would be puzzled as to how we would want to seek revenge. Is my understanding correct?

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  12. This article is from the perception of a greater right? Because if the other two schools don’t know what they are they would be puzzled as to how we would want to seek revenge. Is my understanding correct?

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