Whore

 

 

Tell me, what is it like to be such a whore? How does it feel? Are you proud of yourself? Are you pleased with what you have become? Are your parents proud of what their son or daughter has done with their life, to become this thing that prostitutes itself so regularly and with no sense of shame? If only they knew eh? If only they knew the lengths, you go to in order to get what you want. It must be a shallow existence don’t you think? Knowing that nobody truly likes you, that all of the love, affection, friendship, kindness and gratitude has to be bought and paid for. What an empty life that must be? I know you are very good at it. I will give you that. You are a professional when it comes to performing this role. I must admit that I sometimes watch with a strange kind of, well, I suppose it is respect isn’t it? Yes, respect for the way that you work your role. You know what to say don’t you? Those words come easy to you but they should because you have used them often enough on other people. You are a serial offender if the truth be told and that is why the epitaph of whore is so fitting. You know just what to say to get what you want. You know when to say it, what to say and how to say it, just like a hooker parading her wares in a window in Amsterdam. You have worked out your best side, your most beguiling stance and you have them come flocking, every time. I am impressed by it; I have to say. You make it seem so real. You fooled me, there was no doubt about it. You have used your experience and you are experienced, to heighten the sensation so it is better than anything else. It is probably better than the real thing. I know you are just going through the motions but I am wise to you, I would be a fool is I was not, but there are countless of them out there who will fall for it time and time again. You won’t be going out of business, not at all. You will have a steady stream of those willing to have sugar poured in their ear, hear those honey-coated words tumble from those oh so inviting lips. And the promises, oh the promises. So difficult to resist, so inviting, so exciting. They clamour for your attention in the end. I find it odd in a way because you are selling yourself but you don’t actually have to sell yourself do you? They come to you. They flock in their droves, lured by your siren call and you always deliver. You always give them exactly what they want. You did that with me. You knew what I wanted and you provided it for me, in spades. It was sensational and you got me hooked so I didn’t want it from anyone else. That is pretty powerful.

I wish I knew how it felt though. How does it feel to live like this? How does it feel knowing that everything is a show, a performance and it isn’t real? What is it like being so shallow? Do you even care? Perhaps you don’t, after all you are getting what you want aren’t you? Well we both are actually so we should both be delighted with it, but why is it that I am not? Why is it that I feel used? I thought I was the one who was in control, I thought I was the one who was calling the shots and yet I always seem to surrender that control to you. I thought I was the one who got to play the tune and you danced to it but then it doesn’t always work that way does it? I wish I could work out why that was. You make me feel like you at times, or at least you make me feel how I imagine you feel, cheap, used, dirty, a whore.

I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. This is all you know isn’t it? This is how you have had to adapt, how you have to ensure you survive by getting people to do what you want, to make them like you, to make them adore you and love you. I wonder how long you will carry on like this? Is this the way it is always going to be? Is this you are consigned to do for the rest of your life, seeking a way through the vagaries of your existence by always doing what the other person wants. You need to please don’t you? That’s how you survive. You exist only through the permission and desires of the others. You may think you wield the power, you may think that pleasure, absolute please, joy, ecstasy and delight are within your gift but you are beholden to provide those things because if you do not then you are nothing. You are nothing. Nothing without me. Nothing at all. I made you who you are, you need me although you will tell me that I need you. Perhaps we need one another? I don’t like to think that is the case because I have to be the one that makes the decisions, pulls the strings and gets what I want. I dictate and you react. That’s the way it is isn’t it?

So, you carry on doing what you do best. Carry of imagining that people really do love you, that people really do like you and that they want to be with you because you are so wonderful and delightful. It is your performance that they want and you had better not forget that. You had better remember that you are beholden to their desires. You dance to the tune and he who pays the piper plays the tune. Everybody pays though don’t they? The payment is what it is all about and you always make sure you get paid. You are never short-changed, ripped off or discounted. You won’t do anything without extracting your payment and you make sure you get full value for your endeavours don’t’ you? Nothing for free. Everybody pays. Nothing because you want to do it or feel you should. It is all about the payment. That is all you want, the payment for yourself.

Whore.

I hate you.

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65 thoughts on “Whore”

  1. Hahahah! Oh this is priceless, HG! I’ve heard that speech in many different variations several times. The best one began with money being slapped own on the night stand after the act… by my husband to boot! LOL

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  2. This is a very vulnerable post, HG. That there is someone out there whom you, albeit unwillingly, relinquished control to……

    I find it titillating to think that you would need someone.

    “You knew what I wanted and you provided it for me, in spades. It was sensational and you got me hooked so I didn’t want it from anyone else.”

    This idea thrills me.

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    1. B&T, Silly Rabbit, Trix are for Kids! You sound like you’re lining up in the steady stream to have sugar poured in your ear. This is from the victim talking to H.G. after the mask has slipped yet again. Except he puts a misogynistic spin on it using “whore”. Which he already thinks and projects because this person let him down somehow.

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      1. This is the voice of the victim inside of HG. There is no misognynistic -spin – although it may be easier to accept if its only a spin, liken to a twist of lemon, however, it is fully misognynistic and is another key component of the malignant narcissist,which goes well beyond the simple use of the word whore in his lexicon.

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      2. Interesting! I did reflect later on also, this could have been a thought wave directed at his wife, when things began cracking. When I asked him once what made her different from the others, he said along the lines of her fuel being more potent and different and being able to sustain him. I’m sure it was a crushing blow when she unknowingly started wounding him and he started his cycles.

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  3. Ouch, HG, reading this I honestly felt it was written for me by ‘my’ narc…

    He repeatedly tells me how beautiful and sexy I am…actually to the point that it makes me feel dirty. And surprisingly, it makes me feel as though he thinks I’m sexting lots of men, and I find myself double and triple reading my texts, messages, Facebook posts to make sure they don’t give out that impression.

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  4. Oh HG…you sound like a broken record. I’d tell you to get over yourself already but we both know that’s not possible 😉 You’re the best at being you. Thanks for all your insight…

    Cheers

    By the way, Fuel was a great read. I especially liked the part in the book where you identified the different tools 👌 I am currently reading Departure Imminant…so far so good also. Keep em coming!

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  5. I would agree with the above in that you sound very vulnerable in this, not a way I’ve thought of you in… You pulled the strings, you were always in control

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  6. Loved this! I imagined myself saying that to the psycho-narc idiot!. He is a whore! He’s everything you describe. I particularly like that last sentence… Thanks HG x

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  7. BEST ONE EVER!! Oh My God. He is SUCH A WHORE. This is so perfect. HG, you are BRILLIANT. If I EVER think about going back to that MADNESS, I read your works and remember EXACTLY why I MUST stay away. THANK YOU.

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  8. Digging well behind the veil, in my web travels I’ve discovered that at least 80% (if not 90% in the USA) of those bloggers claiming to be victims of narcissists are actually narcissists themselves, troll-fishing, as we call it, the web looking for respondents who have really been victimized by narcissists, so they can be victimized again. One blogger, whose trust I’d obtained, told me using the Internet this way is like shooting fish in a bathtub – wherever you shoot, you always tag a fish. For him, it was much easier to have the fuel come to him, than to have to go out and lure fuel in in person. At least HG identifies himself for what he is, bravo!

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    1. Indeed Non Draco there is little doubt that such ruses are utilised. The percentage you suggest is interestingly high. I have seen this in victim support groups on FB where I occasionally sit, basking, watching the exchanges as one of our kind moves in for some victim baiting.

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  9. This is a powerful piece, and I felt it across the ocean between the there and here. Very good HG. This post, Walking Dead and a few of the more recent posts are on my list of things to do. I have enjoyed reading what is being said. I am silly busy.

    S

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  10. This post can be interpreted two ways and I took it as HG showing a more vulnerable side based on his earlier statements about one of his conquests having more potent fuel than many of the others.

    HG, I would never refer to you as a “whore” because I don’t consider you one. Naturally I assumed it was you berating someone for being a whore, because it’s simply not a term I would use to describe you in any way. In a way, yet another compliment I’m paying to you, but hey, what’s new?

    If you want to get right down to it, who isn’t a whore?

    We’re all whores in one way or another – selling ourselves at our jobs to get more money/prestige. Selling ourselves to the government/corporations etc. so we can buy more/sell more/have more/want more.

    Empaths whoring their bleeding hearts and good intentions in hopes they’ll be able to save one more soul.

    And the of course there’s sex, which one can argue (and I usually do) is always bought and paid for. Go on a nice date – dinner, theatre, etc. and you pay, all in the hopes that the object of your attention (notice I didn’t say affection) will give you what you desire later (whether its fuel or sex). Buy a lavish gift for your partner – same thing.

    If you get right down to it, very few people do anything in life without expecting some kind of payment in return (financial, emotional, physical).

    It may be a cynical way of looking at things, but it’s reality.

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    1. Very much the case B&T. Your reference to a date etc reminds me of a cartoon I once saw. A chap took a lady out for drinks, to the cinema and to dinner and he got a night with her in bed for his troubles and expenditure. Next day he walks past a street prostitute with a friend and remarks as he nods in the whore’s direction, “You wouldn’t catch me paying for it.”
      The thing is, what many people fail to realise is that you don’t pay a whore for sex, you pay her to leave afterwards so you don’t have to talk.
      Incidentally, there are three ways of interpreting the article.

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      1. My sentiments exactly.

        It would just be nice if everyone could be more honest about it and stop reverting to the holier than thou, “No I’m doing it because I care, for the good of humanity….won’t somebody PLEASE think of the CHILDREN” nonsense.

        Doing something to get something in return. Sounds bloody brilliant to me.

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      2. Are the three ways: 1. Jilted Lover talking to a narc 2. Narc berating a primary source and 3. An interaction beginning with Jilted Lover and ending with Narc responding?

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      3. Are the three interpretations: 1. Jilted lover to Narc 2. Narc berating primary source and 3. an interaction beginning with Jilted Lover and ending with Narc???

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    2. Sorry to say but you sound exactly like my ex. I could hear him. In fact your exact words. ” we are all whores in a way or another” .. For him the whole universe was acting like whores.
      He also said that all was with the objective of having sex. Totally crazy. One day I was brushing my teeth and he said that I brush my teeth everytday to ensure I stay nice so that I will never miss having somebsex and that all we did was to ensure a sex supply. Also more or less what you are saying.
      I told him I brush my teeth because I hate going to dentist and because else I will have bad breath that even I will be able to smell.

      Maybe you would get along very well with him LOL
      I never agreed with him on that statement not I agree with you. Also not the empath part. What kind of payment do we receive according to you ?? Maybe I have been doing my book keeping in the wrong way.

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      1. I don’t care if you agree with me or not. It’s my opinion – take it or leave it. People like you always argue with that type of logic, so I expect nothing less.

        It’s too bad your ex spoke to you like that, but his opinion of sex doesn’t mimic my own. I would never say something that ridiculous to someone – that you brush your teeth so you can get sex. HA! That’s absolutely insane!

        I’m not going to lie and say I don’t want to look my best. I love making myself attractive and I love being told I am attractive. It is important to me. But not everything I do revolves around that, nor does it revolve around sex. It would be a pathetic existence if that were the case.

        If my comment sent shivers down your spine, it sure doesn’t take much. You’re clearly too sensitive for your own good.

        As for payment, I’m not making this up, it’s an actual theory called psychological egoism. It is a theory about the nature of human motives.

        Psychological egoism suggests that all behaviors are motivated by self-interest. In other words, it suggests that every action or behavior or decision of every person is motivated by self interest.

        It is an excellent topic for debate and one that people have commiserated for a long, long time. As an empathy, when you do something nice for someone or help someone, sure the reward is helping the other person, but there’s also reward for you because it makes you feel good.

        So yeah, there’s your payment, Nikita. You get to feel good about how good of a person you are.

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      2. Thanks for your answer. I dont expect that we agree I was just saying that I dont agree.
        I do agree with you that the sex comment is pathetic 😂😂, and I have yes heard the theory you name above, but I just dont see how helping people in need, or injured animals or whomever I choose to help putting or not putting my needs in second place, make me or any other empath doing the same as me a whore, although yes like you say the only payment we get is feeling a little better and being able to sleep in peace and not thinking that we are doing nothing while there is so much sufferemnt around.

        Let me tell you why the payment is negative and we cant be compared to whores.
        When you engage yourself in such kind of activity you have to give alot of the positive that is in you and take alot of the pain of the one you are helping. Call it animal, call it human.
        When I went to the prison for minors to teach them how to read or to accompany the mothers on Sunday for visit day, I left exhausted at the end, i had left my energies in consoling mothers for whatever their concern was ( i could write a book) , I had left my energies trying to convince those kids that life was not a total miserable shit and that its not better to be dead than alive, that there was stilk a hope and that a first step was for example learning to read. Just the fact of being there aliviated their existance while it in sort of a way drained ours. We were a group of girls and we all had the same experience.
        Whatever the activity was. That was the balance.
        Visiting the forgotten golden age people in the public geriatric house during christmas or the single mothers infect with HIV, or a health brigade in a slum.. You dont end up ravishly feeling great and grandiose about yourself believe me. Rather you have to look for a way to let out all the external pain you have absorbed.
        Same story picking up a dog which is lying paraplegic on the street waiting to die or being picked up and put to sleep in a decent way if it needs to be the case.
        When you have to do that, the internal pain you have to manage is big, what you give to the animal to accompany him to the last moments or to the pain of initial treatment is also emotionally consuming.
        So yes maybe at the end we feel good about themselves after having let go of the extra pain.. But do the math and them you will see how its not as lucrative as you are suggesting.

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    3. Hi
      I want to add that your opinion is as valid. You do have a very sui generis way and its interesting to read you. I hope you are not upset because of my comments. Its an interesting discussiom

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  11. B+T – To call this attitude childish is an insult to children. To say that ‘getting something’ is the only reason anyone does anything is an insult to the maturity of adults. If you feel you absorb others’ pain and so need to cause others pain, if you believe that helping others leaves some kind of deficit in yourself yet continue to try to teach the illiterate to read then you are only confused, masochistic and emotionally stunted. This is just my view, take it or leave it..

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      1. Nikitalondon – I’m afraid I mixed up two messages in one answer there so it doesn’t make as much sense as I imagined when I wrote it.. 🙂

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      2. Well I understood that by me wanting to teach incarcerated children and teenagers who did not know how to write or read at the age of 13 I was being massochistic etc etc.
        its your opinion its okay if you think link that.
        What is clear is that I never complained I did it for a year and did not complain or that it left a deficit in me

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    1. Nikitalondon, my comment was not actually intended for you at all. I did used to volunteer and have not found it to be a strain of any kind, but I can accept that some people possibly give more than they have (out of a desire to help as much as they can)

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      1. And that didn’t really come out right either.. I’m in twitter mode, trying to squeeze everything into as compact a statement as possible – and apparently, failing too.. 🙂

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      2. Hi
        At the end like F&R said the posting its not about being a whore because you give only if you take back, but the expression of the being let down again by the female figure and the word whore is just because the figure of one really represents egoism and greed in a woman.

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    1. Absolutely Nikita, it is just another way to bring their partner down and I think shows that she is an object, not a person to him. I feel sorry for my ex because he will never know real support or companionship when he sees everyone in these terms. It must be a lonely existence.. The names can be very damaging though. Mine never used Whore (that I recall) but he would compare me unfavourably to ‘other women’ who “didn’t need as much support” as I did. I’m actually very independent but he was determined to see me as a user, a lazy, good for nothing, piece of sh*t (he did use that one, frequently). I lost patience and just stopped responding. I also didn’t sleep with him for the last year or two before he left. I couldn’t, he had yelled and called names in front of our young son and that was a massive turn off. He was insensitive or ignorant enough to ask if I thought sexual tension was the problem between us!!! I was gobsmacked and that’s what made me realise he is even less aware than I thought. He expected that him yelling abuse all day, every day and lying about any/every tiny thing was something I could just forget for half an hour while we did the deed! There would be no getting through to him at all. I had no respect for him by the time he left. He’s trying to come back but this time he’s still withholding even support for our child and he comfortably shows his anger. I shudder to think how he sees me. He has a criminal record with attempted murder, assault with a deadly weapon and armed robbery so it’s a bit concerning that he might lose it one day and do something really bad.. And I seem to have gone OT again. I can’t think of anything useful to add so will leave it at that 🙂

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      1. I believe there has been pain from both sides. In such a case of hate and putting someone down. I believe when a relationship ends in such a way it means that there is for sure a snowball of abuse from both sides.
        Can be that the N abused the victim in a much brutal way … Its hurt from every side.

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  12. Yes those one eyed robots that wanted to make one species out of the collecive?? I dont remember well.. I did watch all star treks and played with my brother .. I wantey always to be chewaka ( spell) 😂😂😂 what is the connection to 7/9??

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  13. My ex Narc would constantly call me a whore. If I made myself up to leave the house, I was f**king someone else. On the flip side of the coin, if I was in sweatpants when he came home, I was a lazy slob. I saw no need to dress to the nines to take care of infant twins. To please him though, I would put on lingerie on occasion, get all done up as a “surprise” to him. When I told him I had a surprise in store when he got home, he was almost always late or didn’t come home at all. After my departure, I learned of several infidelities that he had committed. The whole whore thing-total projection. This whole post is a chilling example of the duality of the bond between the Narcissist and the Empath. Narcissists are essentially whores for their fuel, and Empaths pay a heady price to satisfy their needs. Us empaths seek payment to make others feel good, even if that payment is feeling better about ourselves. Well done H.G, yet another gem. 😉

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  14. I, an empath, who has developed quite a narcissistic streak as I have evolved, am playing cat and mouse with a narc. Found this very intriguing. Would love to ask a few questions about your experience running up against an equal…

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