An ex-girlfriend, I forget which one it was, told me that living with me was hell. I laughed. I said hell was living a mundane life. Hell was being a cookie-cutter who brought no influence to bear on the world or people’s lives. Imagine, not mattering ? It makes me shudder. I am not ordinary. I am not average. I am special and there is a very good reason why I am special. I change people’s lives. I have that magic touch. I will arrive into your world and shake it up. I will spin you around and fill your life with a passion and a light that you never knew was possible. Each day will be a new, magical adventure as you are brought to life. Your existence finally has meaning as you realise that you and I were meant to be together. You sense new purpose at long last. Most likely you have endured hardship in some forms. Not any more, I have arrived to give you the attention you deserve. I highlight the many wonderful traits that you have. You will take greater pride in your appearance. You will work harder. You will keep your home tidier as you realise all these things please me. By pleasing me you will benefit. I will join you in your interests. I will easily fit in with all your friendship groups who will welcome me with open arms and praise you on your choice of being with me. Life is good. Before you were just going through the motions as you stumbled along the treadmill of life. Now your dreams have been realised and you have a soulmate. A beautiful, caring, charismatic, energetic and entertaining soulmate. My kiss causes you to tingle, the sound of my voice on the phone creates yearning. My gifts are thoughtful, apt and received with breathless anticipation. I will surprise you by bringing you some lunch to work and include your favourite meal. I will arrive unexpectedlt when you are having drinks with your friends and make you feel special as I regale you before them demonstrating the sincerity of my love for you. Your family will admire my solid work ethic and clear desire to look after you. Life is so sweet. I am almost too good to be true aren’t I?