The Six Diseased Infestations
Our kind are like a virus. We attach to those where we know we can infect them. Those who might be immune to us are not selected. The risk is too great and therefore we seek out another host that is far easier to overrun and provides the ideal environment for us to flourish. Your kind are unable to defend yourselves against our viral methodology and it is far too late before you realise that not only has the infection taken a hold and spread, but you also lack the means by which to eradicate it. Yes, you may well be able to reduce its effect and fight back to some degree but just like a virus, we are never completely wiped out and instead we remain dormant, waiting to be activated once more and the nefarious effects of our presence begin to be felt once again. There are six ways in which we infest your life.
- We fill up your inboxes
The joy of technology once again serves our kind well. We are able to bombard your inboxes with our words which come so easy to us. Whether it is your text inbox, messaging applications on social media or e-mail inbox, all of these soon become full of us. The inbox becomes burgeoned with our words. The beautiful seductive messages, the declarations of love and desire, the sexual temptations, the downright filthy yet tempting, the romantic and delicate, so many letters and words which have winged their way across the airwaves to nestle in your inbox. They sit there ready to be opened by you, thousands of little gifts awaiting opening as you thrill and delight as you open each one. We dominate your phone with insults, threats and demands, blitzing you with our hatred during devaluation, the incessant ping and buzz generating a sense of fear and dread in you as another malicious missive lands. You wince as you see another insult and swiftly delete it and then when the loving text finally comes, the relief you experience is overwhelming. Even when have vanished you still scroll through those wonderful and uplifting messages that you cannot bring yourself to delete. You read those beautiful words, yearning for the sender to return and issue them again, carefully crafted passionate announcements, tender statements of intent and romantic overtures. You do not want to eradicate these memories and you allow them to remain in those inboxes. They eventually may not be as full as they once were, but their presence remains.
- We invade your relationships
It seems such a delightful way to be when we first arrive and we want to know everybody who is involved in your life. We go out of our way to be charming and accommodating to your friends, your family, your neighbours and colleagues. You are thrilled at their plaudits as we happily accompany you to dinner with friends, how wonderful to have such a delightful person on your arm at last. Family events become far more fun with us in attendance. Everybody loves us and you love us all the more for it. We touch each and every person who has some connection to you, making them delight in us. We push away those that do not dance to our tunes, like white blood cells eradicating the enemy, we sweep through your connections and remove those who stand in our way. Everyone else becomes a recruit to our cause as we bolster our coterie and our lieutenants. You will come to regret the access you gave us to everybody that you know.
- We sequestrate your resources
Yours is ours. A simple mantra and one we wholeheartedly subscribe to as we avail ourselves of all your resources. We become a fixture in your home, we eat your food, consume your drinks and spend your money. Your utilities become used by us, we camp on to your Wi-Fi and revel in taking anything that belongs to you for our use. You want to go out but you cannot as we have taken the car. You are looking forward to that delicious ham for a sandwich but we have eaten it. The issue of domestic theft does not concern us as like an invading army we march across your territory slashing and burning as we voraciously consume until when we depart, like a departing plague of locusts you are left with nothing.
- We pollute your emotions
Your emotions belong to us. They must always be for us to consume as our fuel. They must always be directed towards us. We establish a lien over them, our option is first to take hold of those emotions. At the outset we want your love, your praise, your passion and adoration. Nobody else is allowed to have these things. They must be poured over us. We commandeer them and ensure that we are the recipient of delight, joy, happiness and admiration. We take hold of your emotional construction and then we twist, stretch and warp your emotions so that you find all of the good feelings have been turned into darker emotions. We demand those too, not only have we polluted the way that you feel, we take hold and seize the anger, the fear and the upset which now pours from you. Our manipulations and machinations are designed to turn your joyful heart black with dread and anxiety. Our polluting madness sweeps across you, unchecked and unhindered.
- We infect your heart and soul
Steadily, gradually and insidiously we plant ourselves deep inside your heart. We coil our toxic tendrils around your soul as we leech from it, both taking and infecting it with our presence. Through the creation of ever presence we ensure that when we call your heart thumps with excitement and your stomach becomes filed with butterflies. Seeing us walk towards you, smile plastered across our faces causes delight to soar as your soul is uplifted by our presence. Those once feelings of elation become dark and blackened but the totality of the effect remains indisputable. We are with you all the time. You see us in different places even when we are not there, you hear our voice when certain phrases are said by others. Music, oh the music, how it returns you to those tender and intimate moments in an instant, tugging on your heart and coursing through your soul. The smells, the sensations and the sounds all combine to pulsate through your heart and soul, a permanent reminder of us. These reminders bring the tears, they bring the joy, they bring hope, they bring anxiety but they always remain.
- We tarnish your trust
The extent of our infection is such that even when you have might have sought to banish us, relegate us to the back of your mind and try to drive us from your life, we still linger, the effects of our tortuous torment of you still very much real and alive. Your ability to trust has become tainted. You dare not trust again for fear of lightning strike twice. You find yourself hypervigilant, second-guessing, assessing and scrutinising and through this heightened state of awareness we remain inside you. Each action or word of another, whether friend of someone potentially eve more special awakens the memory of what we once said and did to you. The eradication of your trust has succumbed to the disease of our presence and thus this works to hinder and prevent your recovery.
Want to shake the disease and learn how to eradicate the effect of the narcissist for good? Watch out for Exorcism: Purging the Narcissist from Your Heart and Soul coming soon.
42 thoughts on “The Six Diseased Infestations”
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All I can say is…wow! I’ve often compared Ns to viruses and they do work much the same way. Only they infect souls instead of bodies.
Sounds to me the narcissist is getting his fuel pumped in perspective. Reaction and it’s course. Tsk,tsk.
An immune system will eventually override the virus. And then you are scrambling for a new host in your chaotic mode just to survive while I continue to get stronger. And although your memory is imprinted in my brain, eventually I will only pity the next host you latch on to knowing what’s in store for them. Your way of life becomes mundane looking which is the constant that you are trying to prevent.
The opening paragraph is apparently powerful “those who might be immune to us might not be selected” “your kind are not available to defend yourselves” never completely wiped out and remain dormant. All items conceivable. Does the appliance/supply attach himself/herself in all means and forms by contact included to the deep sentiments with the narcissist after the discard? If so, is it not a form of ‘hoovering’ on the other end as well?
Indeed.
Thank you for the validation. The six bullet points are on target. Would you agree after the discard that the narcissist thinks of the supply in a different manner always as opposed to the codependent’s perception “I miss him/her”, “She/He is truly the one for me” “Why can’t He/She love and be faithful only to me, etc?”
Absolutely.
Then why Hoover and return at all? You never are at a loss for new adoring fuel. If we are so tiresome and vanilla, that you will forever look at us differently, you’ve been there and done that. Move on. If our Hoover fuel is the sweetest and most potent as you’ve described before, than I don’t accept it is only the supply hoping for a another chance. Because we have depth and layers, despite any co-dependancy issues, we also chose you to open up to with our love and loyalty, have pure abandon with our intimacy. You are pretty lucky to have been selected by us and have us continually try to work with and understand your terminal self-involement until we realize you’re like a dog chasing your tail endlessly and it’s time for us to move on.
But so often you do not move on. We hoover because, as I have explained before, the nature of the hoover fuel is potent. This is because either we discarded you and notwithstanding this treatment you still want us back. This is invigorating. Or you tried to escape us and to be able to haul you back in reinforces our power and is also invigorating. Remember we operate in an all or nothing manner and can vacillate in the blink of the eye. You are tiresome and vanilla now, an hour later you are potent fuel again. It is because we have a different perspective to you and keep in mind there are often other dynamics (which you do not know about) which impact on how we view you e,g, somebody criticises us, you suddenly become wonderful again and vice versa.
An hour later we’re potent fuel again…
You’re lucky you’re not close enough for me to bonk another paper airplane into your head!
Ha ha, you make me laugh. Go on, fire that paper airplane see if it will make it across the Atlantic!
In the words of Han Solo to Chewbacca, “Laugh it up Fuzzball”. Do not underestimate my reservoir of fuel. lol
Oi! Watch your lip R2-D2.
It is not, despite, any co-dependency aspects, as they do permeate the depth and the layers. You want to rationalize the dog chasing its tail because you cant rationalize your acceptance of that – which is where your healthy worldview comes into play. What would it look like if took all of that amazing energy of rumination and turned towards yourself and asked why do I need to understand the terminal self-involvement – when I already understand that this is what I do not wish to be aligned with? Imagine a child coming to you with this issue – What would you advise her with? Iam fairly confident that you would not commence an exchange that involved ensuring that she does every – little – thing- possible to ensure that she understands terminal self- involvement – Your wisdom would ( which is in part self-empathy) preclude this, and there for bypasses the harm caused by the avoidance of such wisdom.
The part I appreciated most in this was hearing you say I have a “healthy world view”. Lord knows in the last month or two I got to hear plenty of how delusional, immature and f’d up my thinking is. How refreshing!
Why did I spend so much time beating my head against the wall not being able to have normal, healthy conversations? Because I was alone feeling like I had to prove everyone wrong. I would back away. I would leave him alone. 3-4 weeks tops he’d resurface. I operated under the premise that he’s returned because he cared. I had a therapist reinforcing for 6 months before I found this blog, that we did form a bond and he does care on some level but he set the boundaries that I just shouldn’t depend on him. Really? That’s it?
I would tell any child or adult to run, not walk away at their first intuition of a red flag. But we all know how intoxicating this dance is once we have bonded to them. I appreciate so much when you reach out. Always so much to reflect on!!
Clarece – You are welcome, and I again commend you on your courageous expression. Yes, the interplay of the dynamics involved with the healing process are well animated here on this particular forum, being both replicated in a grounding and nourishing way and also at times showing as a cross addiction to something not yet complete in its transversing ( which is okay) There is always an anchor in my responses, which can be used to take the descent into self inquiry, which is where one may find themselves anyway due to the construction of the response, or once can use the anchor to support their ascent and once they have re-surfaced so to speak can use it as a grounding and solidified stance. This is identical to the Narcissists psychological action of taking one to the precipice and yet completely opposite with its intent, in that an evolved empath takes you to the precipice, holds you over the edge as you discover and form less fear driven relationships with your horizons, and then always pulls you back to safety, where as a Narcissist takes you to the precipice and pushes you over.
Hello again F&R! Am I expressive, oh yes! Courageous? That’s a huge compliment as I don’t think I differ much from so many of the other readers here sharing stories, especially some suffering physical abuse along with emotional abuse for far longer than i did. But I always appreciate that you seem to notice I am progressing in a good direction even though there are the bad days sprinkled in. Have a lovely day!!
Hello Clarece, I do see your expression as courageous, the mere action of being here and participating is courageous, and as I have shared on many occasions I observe this with many of the participants here. It is okay to accept the compliment and know that you are not taking away from others. Keep moving and thank you for the well wishes to the day – likewise!
Love and respect to you Clarece
Awww, you know just when to send the warm and fuzzies! Thank you!!!💕
You fill up my inboxes? No, you fill up my EVERYTHING. It’s a dozen emails from you in my inbox, it’s your voice in my head, it’s you barging in my room without knocking. It’s you (or me becoming you) when I treat other people the way you’ve always treated me.
Very much looking forward to that new one, even if I think I am now physically and proximity wise Narc free, I know that the damage done affects me socially in a serious manner, hoping to get a move on at some point.
Thank you BR.
I need an advice… grom community of ppl who had this experience with MNs.. and frkm MNs himself.
All my relationships with new guys now basically come to 1 single question: “does he really feel those emotions or he is playing them?”
And i can tell u it s difficult because ALL the time i have only this question in my head. It doesnt allow to relax and just trust.
Now, when i hear any express of feelings or emotions from a guy, in my head immediately a reaction: ” hehehh, si, si, u really feel all this bulshit u r saying. Sure, i “believe” u hehhe”
=> what should i do with this?
Thank u
I would suggest you read Exorcism (once available) to look to redress this erosion of trust. If you find yourself doubting the emotional integrity of those that you meet, I suggest you look out for corroborative evidence (namely red flags) and if there are those present as well there is a considerable risk that the expressed emotions are false. You cannot, with any significant reliance, tell just from a couple of interactions gauge the emotional integrity of someone to detect one of our kind. Of course, we can establish emotional integrity with ease.
Yes, I am glad you mentioned to look out for corroborative evidence, as this can become somewhat- tricky so to speak- dependent on where one is at within their processing of the abuse they have endured. Victims of abuse, no matter the kind, often experience a hyper-vigilance towards their respective environments, which includes interactions with others at all levels.This can be an excruciating experience. Specific to establishing emotional intelligence with ease, an evolved empath is on the goal line with you, homologous, however, there are some differences ( in this context) in that she does not require the same physical proximity in order to ascertain, and very often sees the goal as having already been scored.
Damn this adoration is deep.
Thank you F&R. As an aside, I wish I was seeing more goals already having been scored!!
Truly a pleasure, and you do know that you are welcome.
To your wish, I have a treasure of trophies for you.
Marvellous, more for the asylum to join the others. Thank you.
Ouch! – well thats not happening then.
But that’s where my trophy cabinet is.
We cannot teach how to be an empath – however the empath can teach how to hone our empathy.
Great post HG and entirely accurate as always.
6. Completely eradicated my trust at first, it had always been a little shaky but I wanted to belwice and trust in others as they could me. His totally destroyed any trust I had for others. At first I saw Ns everywhere and suspected everyone of being one.
But as j healed, learned and grew I found a better place, better than anything k could have imagined pre N. I’m actually quite grateful for the experience.
Now I can very quickly determine the degree of N’ness in a person. And know exactly who I can trust for certain and what with.
I assess everyone according to the situation now. For example the other day j had broken down somewhere near to where I knew a few people. At first only one person someone with strong N traits was there on his own. There would be little gain for him to help me at this stage even though j knew he could as no one was around to see his good deed. I waited a short while for some others to arrive and then approached him in front of them, knowing he would gladly help me as he would want to impress the others !! And he did.
So coming through the other side – it’s a good place to be!!
And the more I read from you HG, the more I learn about the mindset of Ns.
I’m really looking forward to ‘Exorcism’. I think I’ve purged 95%
But I’d like to put into words for others whom I know are or have experienced this so I can help them.
Thanks Alexis. You are certainly applying what you have learned to your advantage.
Yes to everything but the soul thing. Good thing phones have an off button, too.
As the song goes… You know how hard it is for me to shake the disease. Considering buying the book.
Indeed, one could certainly apply a narcissistic interpretation to the lyrics of that Depeche classic.
It’s okay. I prefer Lie to Me. Lay with me…tell me you want me and that I’m the only one…tell me that I’m innocent when you should say naive. Say it with sincerity and make me think some great reward is coming my way…like they do it in the factory. Lay with me and lie to me. Depeche is classic. 🙂 you kind of made my day in reminding me.
Yes that’s an excellent song as well. Never Let Me Down Again and Strangelove rank amongst my favourites although there are many to choose from. Have you ever seen them live?
I’m sensing you have good taste in music. Never saw them live. It would have been electrifying, I’m sure. Have you? If so, what was the experience?
I have seen them in excess of twenty times. They are outstanding live. Gahan has a strong vocal register and is ever the showman. Gore’s voice complements Gahan’s and Gore’s songs are exceptional. I prefer the powerful, anthemic pieces. I met Martin Gore and Andy Fletcher in a nightclub after a concert many years ago. It was an entertaining evening.
Sounds like a blast.