Proxy Music



I have mentioned before how my kind makes frequent use of music. The ability to mirror the music you like, the compilation of play lists which we use on each victim we encounter, the establishment of certain key songs which become inextricably linked with pivotal moments in the development of our relationship. There are songs for the first meeting, first kiss, first time we made love, first birthday, first holiday, first kiss and make-up and so on and so forth. Music is powerful. We use it to create ever presence which enables our subsequent hoovers to be especially effective. We use it to cause sorrow and longing in you post discard. Even if you escape us, the familiar opening of a particular song can transport you back to another time and tear open those wounds which seemed to be closing.

During the seduction we use music to speak for us. It becomes our proxy. I use this by sending a text message with a song title and an artist with nothing else. The recipient will then invariably enter the details into YouTube (if I have not already sent a link) and then listen to the desirable tune and oh so meaningful lyrics. I shall do this several times, firing these musical packages at my target with no other explanation, allowing the love devotee in them to find out the message in the song so that it takes on special significance. By allowing them to make their own connection, rather than explaining it for them, it becomes far more deep-rooted in their psyche.

Eventually the victim will ask why I send these musical links. I explain in hushed tones that the way their predecessor (of if I remain with someone and I am conducting an affair the incumbent) has abused me to such a degree that I find myself incapable of expressing the way I feel. It hurts too much. I have been denied this capacity to express my love, my affection, my feelings for the victim. Instead I must let other speak, or rather sing on my behalf. This is a magnificence move on my part because it has the following effects: –


  1. Music is powerful in terms of evoking emotion. Those sweeping orchestrated arrangements, the visceral throb of the guitar, the tentative piano and so on are all capable of generating immense and intense emotions in you;
  2. Meaningful lyrics resonate especially with your kind. You like to find significance in what people write and say, you enjoy attaching your own interpretation to them and thus song lyrics are a superfast highway to your heart;
  3. The fact I have apparently taken the time and effort to choose such telling pieces of music (I haven’t – I used them on previous victims) means that it has an added resonance for you. How thoughtful I am, how strong must my feelings for you be?
  4. Poor broken me? How tragic for such a wonderful person to lose their capacity to describe how they feel. You want to heal me; you want to be the one who helps me find my voice once more;
  5. When I eventually do speak of how I feel it feels all the more remarkable and special for you. You were the one who helped me, such a joyous event!
  6. It establishes an expectation in you to receive songs and therefore you look forward to them and this expectation is harnessed to make our bond even more special and deep;
  7. This expectation also allows us to take it away, rubbish those special songs at the later devaluation for maximum hurt and effect;
  8. It causes you to want to respond in kind and therefore we gain fuel by you selecting beautiful and meaningful songs in order to reciprocate how you feel about us. This provides us with fuel;
  9. For the lesser and mid-range of our kind, their lack of higher function and the capacity to device marvellous sentences of seduction is catered for. They can just steal somebody else’s eloquence and in effect claim it as their own;
  10. For all our kind, utilising the words and music of others save us time and energy and we are always keen to do that.


Accordingly, the use of music to speak for us is a powerful tool indeed and I daresay it has been used most effectively where you are concerned.

86 thoughts on “Proxy Music

  1. Claire Evans says:

    The narcissistic playlist isn’t about luring prey; it’s to do with bolstering the narcissist in his attempts to mimic emotion. It’s a vital tool in getting him what he needs. He thinks songs represent the way people feel – like we all did, when we were thirteen – but we grew up and saw they were nonsense, and he didn’t. Assuming the words of love songs, just by putting a record on, saves him the effort of pretending. The playlist is as fascinating as it is predictable. Left alone he will probably play Wagner and endless film music while staring into a mirror, alternating between arms aloft and fiddling with his hair. The theme from Gladiator, or James Blunt hollering about how hollow he is, are particular themes. In company, however, expect him to put on Alison Moyet, the Pet Shop Boys or anything cool you’ve played him recently, which he’s already appropriated to impress your replacement…

  2. Claire says:

    HG, may I ask you if a Narc could request nicely their intimate partner to create a playlist for those enjoyable physical activities between the sheets aka sex? I mean if an intimate partner asks me to select some songs, is that a red flag that he is one of your kind? During my recent HIIT class the trainer changed the tunes and the song ( a disco remix) triggered buried memories as the original belonged to the “ special” play list I have created by request. My first thoughts when I recognised that special song “Sunshine, you are telling us to do mountain climbers whilst playing That song .. “ of course I immersed in the exercise but it made me think about when the class was over . I still tend to self evaluate my training so I replayed the gym class in my mind.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes a narcissist could ask for this, however somebody asking for this does not mean they are a narcissist.

      1. Claire says:

        Thank you very much for the prompt clarification, HG!

  3. Another Cat says:

    I don’t know what Bryan Ferry is, but narcs are excellent at rhythm. Gotta give them that.

    A Mid Mid had me as IPPS for a couple of months. Next was a singers/songwriter. He emphasised HER OWN music to her, about not being able to change a man, probably so she would remember him for life. Fat chance, she’s an Upper Mid.

    1. Emma286 says:

      You may want to check this out: 🙂

      1. Another Cat says:

        That’s a cool one thanks . Sometimes one can spot narc’s rhythm talent in comparisons when they make the best cover of a song.

        Shame, Shame, Shame, Bryan Ferry, this clip totally blew me away.

        There are a few empaths with great rhythm too (and still don’t know about Ferry) , but narcs are majority, in my opinion.

        1. Emma286 says:

          No worries on the video. 😉 Thank you for your video suggestion in turn. I certainly wouldn’t be surprised if there are more narcissistic musicians than not in the entertainment business (although have my doubts they would all be malignant narcs).

  4. Caity says:

    I forgot how much I loved this article. And reading the thoughts again, reminded me of something. (hope I’m not repeating this!) My exnarc did the whole ‘youtube song playlist’ thing as well, but being a midrange, he did screw up occasionally. I discovered about 4 months into the active relationship that he rarely listened to the entire song i.e. just a few verses or a bit of the video he liked and then would send it along anyway–just as HG said, with no comment or reference. He got burned a few times when the song might start the way he wanted but midway through became something entirely different and often, just weird. I called him on it more than once, and he would blubber about ‘the first part is what I meant’…even if the first part was ‘I love you with all my heart’ and the second part, only seconds in, was more along the lines of ‘you cheating bitch I wish I’d never met you.’ I laughed about it at the time and he seemed to try to laugh as well but it was obvious he was embarrassed and annoyed.

    After awhile, it just got old…he’d send 3 or 4 songs in quick succession while we were Skyping like he thought I was going to drop everything and listen to them right then…I just told him I’d listen later, after we were done talking because I didn’t want to ‘miss a moment of conversation’–which had always been pretty much one way because a great conversationalist, he most certainly wasn’t. It was *my* lie…I was getting bored of the songs. By then I had begun to read HG and was figuring out what was going on, and had been for years before he hovered me into an active relationship again.

    Funny thing though…when it was well over, and we were ‘just friends’ before I dumped him and blocked him, I asked him how he’d ‘wooed’ his wife. I knew he couldn’t talk…that is he was extremely, almost pathologically shy, but when he did try to converse it was pretty slim pickings (what the hell did I see in him?????)….I mentioned music, of course, as I wondered if he’d used the same or similar routine to ensnare her. This was in the early 80’s he said, so no youtube…basically, this was not a tool in his toolkit just yet. I pressed on….”but how did you…y’know…win her?”

    His answer: “Love is grand.” I asked for explanation and he just shrugged and repeated “Love is grand, Caity.”

    Took me years after to realise what he actually meant. Unable to be imaginative in conversation or even sustain one for very long at all, he basically let her do all the talking, all the work to win *him*. He just sat back, probably stringing out endless pity plays and let her do it all. And I’ve no doubt, this was used against her on more than one occasion….he did so to me, when I broke it off, accusing me of ‘making him love me.” Garbage. But, the fascinating thing was, without music to do the work for him, he had been forced to let the woman do it.

    A lazy midrange, for sure.

  5. Violetta says:

    Prime Suspect 1973 used “Street Life” very effectively.

  6. alexine99 says:

    What does the narcissist actually feel when listening to music that they enjoy?

    I know professional musicians that are narcissists. The ones that are concert performers are often very showy…. but are missing that magic ‘micro chip’ within their performance, that is moving.
    Anything that they play or compose that is intended to convey emotion often comes across as saccharine. Interestingly…many people fall for it…but it does nothing for me whatsoever.
    This has been a question of mine for many years…I’m now beginning to understand why some music… although executed with unbelievable technique and accuracy… even dynamics can be void of any emotion. Perhaps in these instances it’s a narcissist behind the instrument….there’s a PhD thesis here somewhere. Hmmmm…..

    I’m enjoying the exploration of your website. Some excellent practical information here.
    Thank you for sharing.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you for the compliment.

      Music will be linked to people and thus activates Thought Fuel and is also a Hoover Trigger.

      Your other observations are accurate.

      1. alexine99 says:

        Interesting….. The ability to be moved emotionally by inspired music is one of life’s gifts.
        When one is engaged it ‘fires up’ all areas of the brain. I wonder if there would be any therapeutic benefit for a narcissist to listen to music regularly…as prescribed by the empath. 😉
        My ex-narc although involved in the music business professionally disliked and avoided listening to it…
        It’s all fascinating stuff….

        Thank you for sharing HG, as your direct no BS delivery of information has been helpful to me.
        I’m beginning to feel stronger and learning how to protect myself.

    2. Violetta says:

      Not always. Lennon was a narcissist, but the sonofabitch could play. He played bass on “Helter Skelter” instead of his usual rhythm guitar. It’s a glorious psychotic detonation.

      1. alexine99 says:

        He most definitely could play and was highly creative….was his music emotional? I don’t know for sure…Perhaps it was more ‘impressive’…
        I find it all very interesting! Also we must bear in mind that NPD is a disorder that is on a spectrum.
        I’m obviously not the expert here 😉 but I do find it fascinating as I learn more about the disorder and how it pertains to my world and situation.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          No, NPD is not a disorder on a spectrum, you are either a narcissist or you are not. There is of course a spectrum of behaviour, on which NPD sits.

          1. alexine99 says:

            Thanks for that clarification!

          2. HG Tudor says:

            You are welcome.

          3. FYC says:

            HG, This statement, or similar, has appeared with some frequency. Perhaps it would be useful to add this to the FAQ? You answer is excellent.

            Q. Is narcissism a disorder on a spectrum?
            A. No, NPD is not a disorder on a spectrum, you are either a narcissist or you are not. There is of course a spectrum of behaviour, on which NPD sits.

          4. HG Tudor says:

            I agree and thank you FYC.

      2. NarcAngel says:

        It seems the case that WE (the audience) individually supply the emotion to their technique and accuracy in music? People reactIng differently to the same piece of music seems to support this.

  7. XYZ says:

    “My” covert narc used to send me one song for every day from his spotify lists. I chose the number, and he send me that number song… This lasted for months. Every day, till “the relationship” was over. I thought it was cute and it meant a lot to him (he was working for an amateur radio). Now I thought it was just for making me appreciate him and his music taste, nothing more. Thank you HG Tudor for your site, I have a lot of work on myself… But it is easier to know the reasons, why the most charming and good person (I was still in love-bombing stage, so I idealise him all time…) left me after I recognized he is living with his “toxic awful ex”, he left almost without any word and he went “no contact” with me, even I tried later to gain some explanations. He didn’t even open WhatsApp messages, deleted them instantly – he knew I saw he is online, he knew that I saw he didn’t even opened them. It was like what the actually f… Could it be possible? He? Such an intelligent, charming loving man?But he’s still checking my Instagram relations. I’ve never thought that such a wonderful, sensitive person after curing depression could cheated on her (he told me he was in love with me), cheated on me and be so cold and ignoring this all what happened just after. I cannot even describe my feelings.

  8. ThePolicyOfTruth says:

    Oh my goodness, this post!

    He introduced me to Depeche Mode. I’ll never forget it when he told me the song Walking In My Shoes was all about him.
    He told me to listen to the lyrics and think about him. He said I would cry.
    He was right, I did.

    He said many DM song lyrics reflected him and his life.

    I became massively into DM because of him. I felt connected to him when I listened to their songs, and we’d have conversations about the band.

    He said there were “secret DM songs” that he would introduce me to when he felt I was ready. I was intrigued and intoxicated by this. It turns out he was referring to B side songs that cannot be found on the albums.

    I was deemed ready for my first secret song, and he told me about one. I listened, and I felt so proud. I was ready. He thought I was special. Then another later. I gained a total of 2 secret songs before he cut me out of his life.

    It sounds ridiculous, being deemed worthy of listening to specific songs. Even more ridiculous that I felt special by this!

    My skin is actually crawling reading this post. I realised afterwards that he was a narcissist, but I had no idea that his music obsession was only serving to further his manipulation.

    I’m sitting here right now in my Depeche Mode t-shirt feeling utterly stupid.

  9. Empathyforthedevil says:

    Before, the music I loved was Modern Jazz, Ballads, Folk. He introduced me to the world of Classical Music, Richard Wagner’s work (a sooo seductive sound bath), Lieder, and Ramstein and Laibach 🙂

    This is something I’ll be always grateful for. Though he often used ‘being so stressed that he couldn’t even listen to music any more’ to prevent me listening to anything apart from his litany about what and who stressed him.

    Of course, ‘our’ favourite, Isolde’s song Liebestod (Tristan and Isolde, R. Wagner) will always remind me of him but that I can live with now, that I seem to have avoided the re-enactment (keep you fingers crossed, I am still rather sore, and he tries hoovering.)

    Now, I am listening to ‘my music’ again, loud, after 30 years using ear phones, and to what he intoduced me to.

  10. Victoire says:

    As you can tell, HG, I’m haunting your posts. I read this and GASPED. My ex-narc bombed me into oblivion with Spanish love songs. There was one in particular that came up at certain memorable (or memorable to me) points in the relationship. One time we were listening to it on a plane and he actually cried. During devaluation when I brought up “our” song, he sneered and said “What song? We don’t have a song. That means NOTHING!” and laughed. It was like being stabbed in the soul. WOW. I was intensely perplexed. I had no idea what was happening. Now I do. What a trick. What a sad person.

  11. Kae says:

    Wow. Your most recent post regarding music as bait led me here. Seemingly, just as the cognitive dissonance begins to set in once more and I find myself questioning my previous entanglement with your kind -you will post something which resonates deeply. I am grateful for that. Your truth essentially keeps me safe.
    Much appreciated, HG.

  12. Presque Vu says:

    HG, I wish you’d have a music post.
    Like a sticky.

    I had a trigger moment tonight..
    Obsessive all consuming love, if I was to die now, I know I’ve felt it, tasted it and was consumed by it. Love with an intensity so intoxicating I thought about him every minute of every hour. He was my life, my muse, my Achilles heel, my weakness, my addiction, my kryptonite. He awoke my repressed goddess. He mesmerised me like a snake slithering seductively. Fuck! I’ve never wanted someone so much. Everybody is so bland compared to him … and yet… he’s so dangerous. That was definitely part of the allure. Fuck me or kill me, I was never quite sure.

    I’m fucked in the head for being attracted to that!!!

    1. NarcAngel says:

      Presque Vu
      You are not fucked in the head. You are addicted and addictions can be treated. Looking for help and coming here was a great first step. Next, you should read Exorcism and consult with HG, and then formulate and follow a concrete plan for yourself that may include any other types of therapies and/or healing that you think might be beneficial. This will not only confirm that you are not fucked in the head, but also fill some of the time you are now dedicating to analyzing him and what happened instead of getting yourself back on track. Think more along the lines of what you would suggest to map out a plan for a loved one who is addicted to drugs and then take your own advice.

      You can do this.

      1. Presque Vu says:

        NA, you always cut through and get straight to the point. I respect that thank you.

        I haven’t consulted yet with HG, for financial reasons but also because I know I’ve been tangled with someone just like him! Not just a narc, more …so I know HG’s power only too well. I have a fear. It doesn’t help I now suffer from anxiety! I keep putting it off, running away from Tudor I guess.

        I can do it, you are right.
        I’ll soon find out if I’m fucked in the head when I consult with HG.

        NA, thanks for reaching out when I’m spinning all over the place! 😘

  13. Presque Vu says:

    London grammar


    Love is burning by my bed for you!

    The more time I’m away from him, the more I crave him ✋️

    I don’t want this, or to think of him.

    I will not reach out but he’s become a stain on my memories, I truly loved him and as much as I needed air, to breath and to live, I needed him to survive.

    Now, without him, I’m still here, living.. breathing.. singing… I let go. In the physical sense. But I’m still haunted by his presence.

    How do you rid your dreams of nightmares, how?

  14. Wondering says:

    OMG! THIS*IS*IT! It’s like HG was watching my whole seduction.

  15. The One says:

    I launched the No Contact 2 weeks ago. He is sending music via friend. So far the song list is Spanish Harlem, Nothing Compare to You (Sinead O’Connor ), With or Without You (U2) , Every Breath You Take (Sting), Heart of Glass (Blondie).

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello The One, they are all taken from Now That’s What Narcs Call Hoover Music Volume 7.

      1. Catherine says:

        Well, I must admit I find the use of music bloody brilliant. My ex did it oh so well… the songs were sent to me ad nauseum in the beginning, but the true brilliance began when he’d mention his ex girlfriend introduced him to ‘our’ song originally. The real question is what woman does this stuff work on? Not the music… that I get, but why does any woman stay once the devaluation begins. My memories with my ex narc are beautiful. He was perfect in every way until he had the audacity to compare me to his exes. I had to end it then and there. It was so boring and predictable. And when I hear the songs he sent they make me smile, one, because I remember how great it felt when we were ‘perfect ‘ and two because I know he’s using the exact same songs on someone else and it amuses my sense of whimsy… A narcissist can only devalue a person if they allow it…

  16. Soaking it in says:

    Clare and HG that made me LOL. Oh should I learn to be… oh so good. I believe a ton of folks in my life would hate you for the change in me! I would really love to see the 2 of you in a room together. That would be better then a Clinton/Trump debate! Neither knowing the other! Great learning video for the single!
    I think that’s a song to:
    Games People Play

    1. mlaclarece says:

      T and I have pitched #TeamTudor2016 for Las Vegas…then you can see me banter with the Master. If he’d show up…

  17. Miss_stress says:

    This one I felt deeply, yes the playlists the first song he sent me, a constant theme through relationship, always sending it to me, Band of Horses, No ones gonna love you..take a listen if you will. It will be the one that makes me always think of him, it is engrained in my mind and heart now,
    He wouldn’t have me search for songs, he would send link and also posts videos to my fb wall. He would make me compilation CDs, send me CDs of music we both love. Music was our bonding point from the beginning. He is highly knowledgeable on all things relating to music.
    I think he allowed music to speak to me, not for him.he was aware that I feel music deeply and I am In Tuned to lyric and feeling being expressed through each song choice.
    Music is a most powerful expression and seduction tool.
    HG, perfect article, thank you. By the way, what song have you sent your victims the most? One that you feel embodies the heart of the empath. To hone in on her sense of love and then your sense of desire.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

      There isn’t a stand out song which I use more than any other, there is a selection which I have detailed in my earlier writings which you can peruse at your leisure, perhaps whilst you play some of them.
      I also find certain orchestrated pieces evoke emotion particularly well also.

      1. Miss_stress says:

        Can you point me in the right direction of which writings? Yes, I agree there are several classical pieces that stir my soul.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You will find it in More Confessions of a Narcissist Miss S.

      2. Miss_stress says:

        Thanks HG, I have that book I will reread it to find relevant Information. Merci and Adieu.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are welcome.

      3. Miss_stress says:

        Interesting, I like all those songs very much, I see why you have chosen them. I do not know one, Promise Me by Beverly Craven. I must be a cliche for a certain music type. How disheartening. My three faves from that compilation are : Your Song( I am quite partial to the Ewan Mc Gregor version from Moulin Rouge) Annie’s Song and I’ll Stand By You. I quite enjoy the Pretenders, I Go to you know that song?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Yes I know that song.

      4. Miss_stress says:

        If I can make a suggestion to add to your playlist, Beautiful Child by Fleetwood Mac. I think it would fit nicely with songs you have chosen. just a thought and on that note, I am away.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I’m obliged.

      5. Miss_stress says:

        Damnit, the Promsie Me song made me cry. I knew I shouldn’t have Listened to it. Then it made me think of Promises in the Dark by Brenda Russell, which I felt compelled to listen to. Music makes me quite sentimental. I did ask for it. Didn’t I ? Time for a bubble bath and read now, I think.

  18. Yo says:

    I am worring that the guy i like tells me too much compliments. Like whatever i say he can react ” u r brilliant, smart bla bla”.
    I really observing what he communicates to me when we spend time together. I am afraid it s love bombing has started..

    We know each other since April but i was careful with him and didnt “fall into his arms” quickly hehhe
    Actually i fell, but i discovered his … tool looked like small. So i just lost any interest. (Now i always check the size hehhe before starting being emotionally involved).

    May be it played the role. Coz recently i double checked and it seems to be average size so i decided: ok. Lets try and see)).

    And now all talks are about: either how great I am (amazing funny beautiful smary etc) or about his success at work.

    Ppl. I really dont know. Better to say: not able to understand WHO IS HE.

    I am observing and observing.. but also it s difficult coz near him i almost cannot think.

    May be he is bad in sex ( still pending to check hehhe) snd in this case there is no problem coz he will not exist for me.

    I am really afraid to fall inlove with a defective person again..

  19. Yo says:

    Actually now, whatever the guy i like is doing, e.g. “we need to have our song”, ” when we go for travelling together”, “we need to speak about our life, us”…

    All this is a total read flag for me, including any sweet name he calls me or loving glance he gave me… is a red flag for me..

    So every second with him i am thinking ” do i hug a guy who likes me or a monster who is enthusiastic to eat me”

    How did u overcome it?

    All, all is a total red flag…

    1. HG Tudor says:

      As mentioned before Yo, you need to look at the collective. Are there lots of these red flags in a short period? If so, there is a problem. One or two don’t necessarily mean there is a problem.

      1. Yo says:

        Short period… with Narc…
        Hehhe after ur article about Narc’s patience…
        Hahha and ability to prepare/ mantain new prospects in the pipeline…

        Short term cobcept stopped existing for coz u never know, may be i am just jn a pipeli e and love bombing simly havent started..

        Yes. With this guy there were red flags. One 9f them: his ex (psychologist per profession) agter relationship with him goes to psychotherapist 🤓😨😨😉 and takes pills

        I feel i risk a lot…
        But.. what is a probability to meet 2 NARCs just 1 after another..

        Should be low

  20. Yo says:

    Do normal guys (no narcs) use songs as well?
    The guy i like commented today that we need to have our song, our dish, our restaurant, our …

    Reading this blog i started having an impression that all these things is a weapon of narcs.

    But stop for a second! Could it be that a guy just want to have it with me and he is not a narc..


  21. Soaking it in says:

    I have been trying to put myself in the shoes of a Narc. The concept of me being an appliance for fuel has been a very hard concept to wrap my head around. Until….

    28 days into no contact I started seeing songs about it being the final count down and was never going to be with him again and so on. I guess I had a 30 day warranty.
    Funny thing is after 30 days I am still here. I didn’t break down. So he is starting to try and discard me again in these now 60 days. In a few days the playlist may be vanished. Will he leave it linger forever or finally move on? Who knows!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Much will depend on whether you provide the opportunity SII.

  22. luckyotter says:

    Beautiful, powerful post. Indeed, music is a language more powerful than spoken words. It speaks across language and geographical boundaries. HG, I hope one day you can use music to help you discover your own buried feelings instead of a tool to evoke emotions in others for various kinds of fuel.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you LO, I appreciate your sentiments.

      1. luckyotter says:

        I know you do.

  23. entertainment says:

    So very true…I can’t get that last song out of my head. I played it 5 times in a row. Maybe I just like the instrumentals. The song is called unfortunate. He sent that and other just as you mentioned. Title and artist during hoover. “I guess it is unfortunate that I didn’t believe in him. And now he’s gone and I will never get him back, funny how our train never got off the track. Now I am went someone who don’t care and I know who use to care about me. :)” Wow…sad

  24. Cara says:

    I do love my music. I have certain songs for certain moods, different music to convey different things.

  25. mlaclarece says:

    This is where I believe a Narc would hit a wall with me. Thanks to my first husband and being on polar ends of the types of music we enjoyed, I really phased out and became detached to music. During the early years of my marriage, when I still tried to listen to my favorite radio channels or cd’s, I would always hear how my music was meaningless, i.e. R.E.M. vs. Madonna. Wilco vs. Depeche Mode. I finally gave up and just let him own the music arena so to speak to make him happy. In fact he would only indulge me if we were on long driving trips together and we’d take turns driving. I made a “rule” whoever is driving has control over the radio and he seemed fine with that. Once in a while he’d have a band that I could enjoy (tolerate) like The Killers. But I got very good at getting in a zone and just tuning it out. I listened to so much Jimmy Buffet in my 20’s. I appreciate he’s a great performer and great to his fans but My God, his music is like nails on a chalkboard to me. I seriously remember having a girl friend over shortly after we separated and i had to the house to myself and feeling such elation that I could play whatever music I wanted without hearing how much it sucked.
    I did have one online potential guy to date, start texting me songs thru You Tube videos. I found it corny and annoying. That move will get you no where with me. You’re better off waiting to discard me and start blasting Jimmy Buffet. haha
    The only artist who has really impressed me in recent years, is Eminem. His lyrics are insanely genius, especially on “Recovery” which I listened to every morning during my workout for about two years while going thru my divorce and right after. Not a really a rap fan in general but Eminem gets me and my rage and it was a great way to channel it and isolate it in the mornings during that time. It is on my bucket list to see him in concert one day. I have one other girlfriend who is a total closet fan of his like me and he’s her celebrity crush too. We’ll go together.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      A buffet or a smorgasbord?

    2. Miss_stress says:

      I can’t resist such measures. They work on me, music and poetry are my weaknesses, he utilized both very well upon me. I love being sent YouTube songs, especially when I find meaning in them myself.
      It is so much easier when couples share same music tastes, makes. Car drive more palatable too.
      Emminen has some great empowering lyrics. Hope you can see him In concert , MLA.

      1. mlaclarece says:

        Awww, that’s ok. The minute a guy would send poetry or a YouTube love song, they will get a one word text “stop”. Lol I just don’t even know what to do with that. It seems too cheezy for me. Use your words and make me laugh. Much simpler.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Clarece, before I headed out for dinner a book fell on my head. I have only my shelf to blame.
          I thankyou.

          1. mlaclarece says:

            Meh…at least you’re trying!

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Ha ha, come on admit it you smiled, I can tell from here.

          3. mlaclarece says:

            Fiiiiinnneee! I maybe 1/2 smirked!

          4. mlaclarece says:

            Since you jumped into your funny pants again today, here is one of my favorite jokes for you.
            Q. What does a poor Irishman get when he has a 7-course dinner?

            A. A six-pack & a baked potato.

            Btw, you also have an entertaining email awaiting you…

          5. HG Tudor says:

            I think my sides have just split! Will check on email next day or so, thank you.

          6. mlaclarece says:

            And that my dear, is how you tickle someone’s funny bone!

          7. HG Tudor says:

            Why did the orange stop rolling?
            It ran out of juice.

          8. mlaclarece says:

            Ok, what did Sushi A say to Sushi B?

          9. HG Tudor says:


    3. Miss_stress says:

      I think I am too romantically sappy for my own good. I also adore humour, a sarcastic and cleverly punny man is my most favorite. Music, words, laughter and intelligence. Plus, Any man who will read to me and allow me to read to him, can steal my heart. No wonder he locked his sights onto me. I qualify under far too many narcissistic victim categories. Must laugh and read less, no chance of that though.

      1. mlaclarece says:

        Intelligence and confidence are always a lethal combo for me. Just take out all the sappy stuff. Lol

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I’ve made a note.

          1. mlaclarece says:

            Lol, add it to the list you’re making on me.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Oh I am Clarece, I write it down in neat copper plate in the book.

          3. mlaclarece says:

            Ah but of course. Like any diligent Sith Lord would.

        2. Miss_stress says:

          I hear you MLA…it has not served me well by any measure. Yes, confidence is a wonderful quality in a man. I do not like cowardly men at all or A man who cannot make a decision.

  26. Hope says:

    Your title makes me think of Roxy Music and the song – “For Your Pleasure” 1973

    For your pleasure
    In our present state
    Part false part true
    Like anything
    We present ourselves
    The words we use tumble
    All over your shoulder
    Gravel hard and loose …

    Yes, music and sweet lyrics was the key to my heart. I thought he had suffered so much. And, I fell for it. And him. He hooked me with the music.

    Excellent post, HG. As usual.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Hope.

  27. Leilani says:

    The Title on this post is best but the perception is the matter. The chase for fuel to supply is inevitable. The last contents in the last paragraph of a narcissist is the triggering in a sense of seeking approval, control, security, separation and oneness. Taking any sense that it’s personal, it’s about him/her and who they are.. this post is a must to read and reflect inside oneself head on regardless of which end of the spectrum one perceives to be in and how one perceives where his/her truth lies.. internal or external. Triggering, HG.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Leilani and well articulated.

  28. Soakin it in says:

    This fascinates me. Maybe because I am 6 weeks out of no contact. I am watching playlist being triangulated with made up false screen names. The amount of effort and work put into trying to Hoover me back in is even exhausting for me. The elaborate game of using every tool he can comes from a playlist. Music has been extremely important to him his whole life. I actually believe it’s the only way he can speak any loving words. The clincher is he doesn’t even no if I see the songs on 7 fictitious accounts. All stating the similar songs but all having that one meaningful one so he hopes I no its him.
    Watching the game has been better then any pro sport.
    he continues to let me know He wants to break me. Lol. Long wait. What I find so interesting is the fact he actually thinks I will want him back when I no there is going to be a much bigger rath for leaving in the first place. If I didn’t no better and have been educated by you, I would have easily been hovered back in. Just when my hair was starting to grow back in!!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Well you are seizing the power SII. Which is the meaningful song in all of the accounts, erm, asking for a friend.

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Previous article

A Prosperous Cheat