I love sending text messages. They are a useful and inexpensive method of ensuring that I remain in the forefront of the thoughts of the relevant recipient. I do this to show how much I care about that person even when they are not with me. I am thoughtful in that way. It is important though that they reply straight away to my message as otherwise I become restless and that is fair to me. You see, I have been able to text them (even when I am extremely busy) and accordingly they should do so too. There is no excuse. In fact, I find it a particular affront if I do not get a reply and a suitably admiring one at that. For reasons of efficiency and speed I keep a stock of set texts which I utilise often and with different people. My standard texts are as follows
Where are you?
Who are you with?
Are you missing me?
When can I see you?
What are you doing?
I love you so much.
I’m too busy for you today.
I recommend this collection to you.
36 thoughts on “Con-Text”
we formally resumed our dance digitally. we live in different cities, different provinces. the first exchanges were light and friendly, we had decades to catch up on now didn’t we? we marvelled at how our hs friend became the actor he wanted and had just enjoyed a juicy part on an American primetime drama series. he spoke of his recent separation from the girl I met when I last saw him at 19. he spoke of his daughter who was the same age as mine, whose name may have been an unconscious anagram of his. I shared how unhappy and overwhelmed with life I’d been…and so it began. and intensified over the next several months.
one day, he told me that he had printed out our nightly (and often creative) text exchanges and there were 317 pages, double-sided.
“o wow, from the start?”, I giggled.
“just April”, he replied
P.S. I am certain he revisits those pages on his low days. and judging by his recent attempts at contact, he is sinking.
I hate to be the one to tell you this but he did not print out anything. He said it to control you and from your last paragraph here….it worked.
He does not read these texts printed or not. Once the text is over you are put on the shelf in your compartment and forgotten about completely until next time he deems your fuel as being needed 😳
Thank you for your reply Kim. I appreciate your thoughts.
Unfortunately, he did print them out. I saw the pages months later, along with his other prized collections stolen from others over the years. And pathetically, he does revisit his prizes to draw strength and uses them to provoke. I know how he thinks, how he functions.
I have never been shelved by him. I escaped, twice now. I never allowed myself to process the feelings the first time as a teen, preferring instead to numb them and block out the trauma for many years. His reappearing into my life during a period of vulnerability has forced me to recall deeply buried memories and accept the reality of what my first love truly was, abusive.
And you are correct, he still does control my thoughts by being in them daily.
“I recommend this collection to you.” Hahaha, your posts never fail to make me laugh. Extremely informative and diabolically entertaining education. One cannot ask for more! Thank you!!!
Texts are a gift and curse. Still ignoring the latest so good for that.
The sweet good morning texts and the good nights. I can still smell you on the sheets. Miss you,
I missed one good night text from him as I’m a busy single mother and he waited until he’s seen I’d read it the next day and sent me a ‘is everything ok’. After my response he then ignores my message. Goes quiet and dumps me the next day.
All the I love you, I can’t believe I’ve met you, I have many feelings for you suddenly meant nothing. When I had replied and told him I’d had feeling for him his reply was did I mean A feeling or feelings. And with a smily emoji it ended just like that, never heard from him since..
How long has the silence been for, Shane?
It has been 2 months. There was no proper sorry it’s not worked out goodbye, just a text that contradicted itself saying he wanted more than I could give but he was going to be too busy with his sports. I felt like I’d been put on a pedestal and idealised then discarded like a used paper.
Prior to this he had told me he’d got others interested in him and also was still friends on fb with exs even though he’d refer to them as bitches. The way they leave things is as though they aren’t actually dumping you and you are left guessing why they suddenly went from hot to cold.
My mother hasn’t mastered the art of the text (she’ll be 71 next month, she doesn’t do well with technology), so I get the calls…just her screaming “Where are you?” “Who are you with?” “What are you doing?” into the phone.
I now have the image of Howard’s mother from the Big Bang Theory in my head, Cara.
Now that truly gave me a belly laugh!
Great show and image.
It is only polite to return a text as soon as one is received.
If I text someone, I expect an immediate response. If I don`t get one, the odds of that person hearing back from me anytime soon, in response to their messages, is slim to none.
When I do finally get back to them, I typically respond with a “I was simply just too busy to talk you – I have much on the go, you realize” and the cycle continues.
How is that working for you? If someone send me that kind of a response, after picking myself off the floor laughing at such haughtiness and perceived self importance, I’d lose their number yesterday.
I agree Bethany. There is not one person in my contacts list that speaks the words ” too busy. We consider ourselves very fortunate.
It`s working out quite well. Bethany, thank you for inquiring.
Good job you don`t have my number – it would terrible to find oneself rolling around on a dirty floor for any reason, even if laughter is involved.
I can think of a reason or three to roll around on a dirty floor…and laughter is surely one of them!
I am well BLT, and implore you to be the same.
Agree!!! Me too😂😃😂 cool to roll in the floor.
No need to beg me to be well, Bethany, as I am very well, thank you! The sun is shining here, it`s a gorgeous summer day and I am getting a tremendous amount of work accomplished while sitting outside in the sunshine….everything is going quite swimmingly.
I am not adverse to rolling around and can find numerous reasons to do as well – just not on a dirty floor.
It`s wonderful that both you and FR no longer have any people in your lives who are too busy for you, though I do enjoy being busy and productive. You know what they say, “An idle mind is the devil’s playground.”
Cant imagine my life without you
Waiting for the day …
I also have a collection I create every day but I have sent them exclusively and only for one person 😃😃
Have a nice day 😘😘
What about the time he sent me a string of emojis that were sexual in nature and a little brunette “Queen”…I’m a blonde. Oh, I was pissed.
I love this…so true.
My favorite is “What’s up?” after I was told to text some response, he acted like I was a pain in the ass interrupting his important agenda.
What are you wearing?
I can’t WAIT to see you again.
I didn’t shower last night so I could still smell you on me.
Get ready. I’m coming to take you.
HG, perhaps a delay in response means your Largesse has her paralyzed her into a state of giddiness and she’s trying to compose herself?
This makes me laugh because it’s so true. Ha! Keep them coming. “Babe I miss u” “thinking of you” while getting fuel from another supply who maybe next to the narcissist aha aha. Excellent post for what truly goes on..mind boggling for most. I never heard it put that way Con-text. Interesting.
Is this for all Narcissists of all levels or just what you would do?
The hardest thing for me to come to terms with (in other words it still pains me) is the fact it all was a lie. The words, the sex, the look, everything. The fact that another human can be void of emotions blows me away.
OH well sucks to be you or me, depends on which end of the stick you have ahold of. 🙂
We use them all or at least variations on a theme. The text message is a powerful weapon on our arsenal.
Yes, you are hard hit when you learn it was all an illusion and you often struggle to accept it which of course is precisely what we want.
Universally and by far, the fraud is what is the most difficult part of recovery. The connection felt beyond real and most of us were unaware that there are people among as with such a pathological degree of self centeredness that faking their feelings…or more like the maintenance of their feelings being contingent on an impossible standard…was what was happening. Two totally separate realities.
Pain eventually gives way to acceptance which opens up to enormous growth and self discovery. In this way, the Narcissist has become your greatest teacher.
I do agree that the shattering of an illusion, of any kind, for that matter can be an excruciating part of healing. However, in context to the structure of the blog, what this author provides in his truth is ” real ” in that it is real that he has exploited anothers unhealthy need, this is not to say that any one is deserving of exploitation, on the contrary, however on the victims side the work is about recognizing, shattering, accepting and then transmuting their own illusions.
I have to disagree with narcissism, or any form of abuse, as being a teacher. We read of this often, mostly from false prophet types and some branches of the positivism movements, and it is disconcerting in that in its essence is a form of denial of a self sufficient and whole being; It is both counter-intuitive and counter-productive. Abuse teaches abuse and abuse is perpetuated, and inflicted in order to protect ones self from feeling and in turn damages the other in the same way. The power involved in the action of abuse stops growth, inhibits one from connecting with ones self, and causes them to retreat from the inherent wisdom, which is what the real teacher is.
Thank you FR-for your expanded thoughts on my comment. Yes, the positivism movement does often throw out “__(Advertisity)____ is your best teacher.” I like what you say here, the reminder we are already whole and sufficient. I didn’t mean the teacher statement in a literal context, rather meant to emphasize the obvious lessons and awareness one can experience specific to having been involved with a Narcissist. You already know that, I too, find many aspects of New Age/Positivity teachings to be dangerous and an affront to the human need to feel and process. I appreciate your re-frame and deeper illumination of the message I was trying to impart in my comments. Your level of awareness and clinical expertise on this subject is highly valued here. Thank you.
I appreciate your note. In actuality I was not re-framing nor expanding on your own perspective. You perspective is different than mine. I was sharing my disagreement and concerns around that type of mind set, as it is prevalent and unconsciously animated- parroted – psychologically absorbed – in the world on a collective level, which often escapes as the voice of co-dependence.I respect that voice and support that voice to do the work in unshackling itself to freedom. My perspective is in consideration of a bigger picture, understanding that this starts with the individual and importantly so, as it is individuals that are the living effect of the bigger, collective body, our humanity, of which we all are required to exist in and there for are subjected to. An added truth is that I do not know your positions on the positivism movement, although I am aware that I have shared mine with you to some degree. Clinical is not a label to which I fasten myself, and in those arenas, I am welcomed to broaden perspective and challenge structures that have had and continue to have a detrimental effect on how we exist in the world; the majority of those perspectives I am in direct opposition of. I am an advocate of the human being, not specific to the philosophies of Humanism (although Humanism is taking great strides in expanding a more humane way of embracing the human being ) but to the embracing of really looking at the human being from their actual state of individuation – how they have formed their structure and how this has in most ways not been of their own making. I have detected throughout much of HGs writings that he has this awareness as well and it is refreshing and full of possibility when one can bring to the surface their previously shrouded natural intelligence both IQ and EQ (which in my perspective are not separate). I am here as an evolved Empath and have not wavered from allowing that to be my expertise, both here and outside of here. In the context of HGs blog I am forming conversation from that expertise, as it is impossible to dialogue about narcissism without dialoguing about empathy. In a broader sense The Evolved ( balanced – universal ) Empath and The Malignant Narcissist. I mean how mind blowing would it be to see the tee shirt that I am wearing says I have a grade 5 education.
For the most part, adults,– unconsciously– enter into abusive relationships. As HG valiantly continues to teach – his kind take advantage of those whom have forgotten who they are.
Your longer post F&R is in my reflection hangar at present.
You missed, ‘hello trouble’.
who are those ones for ?
Think I’ve received a few of those HG