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The issue of our kind impregnating a victim is yet another tool that exists within our manipulative toolkit to enable us to achieve our aims. I daresay some of you may find it abhorrent and reprehensible that such an act as conception and the bringing forth of new life should also fall within our repertoire of machinations. Others of you will not be surprised, long-used to the notion that nothing is off limits to us. Everything is in play. As ever,the issue of impregnation and the forthcoming birth is very much something that is relevant to our kind and as ever, I provide you with the truth of how it is regarded by our kind, no matter how unpalatable it may be.

There are several ways in which the act of conception, pregnancy and the issue of children are used to further our dark agendas.

  1. The Promise

The promise to give you children at the early stage of the relationship is always done with a view to ensuring that you succumb to our seduction. See how committed we are to you? We want to have children with you. You. Nobody else. What other commitment underlines and reinforces the strength of our desire to you? The joining of two people in love and creating new life together is the epitome of commitment. How your eyes fill with joyous tears and that look of spreading delight crosses your face when you realise that this wonderful, brilliant and magnificent person wants to have children with you. Whether it is impregnating you or us bearing your child, this promise is readily wheeled out in order to clinch the deal. What you should also have regard to that expressing a desire to make you pregnant/become pregnant by you is actually all about reinforcing our dominance over you. From the male narcissistic perspective, the act of having you take our seed deep inside of you, subjugated to our desire to create new life underlines our power. You are not only allowing us to enter your most private of places but you are allowing us to deposit our very essence there as well. To us this is the ultimate act of conquest. We have vanquished all resistance and there, deep in your sacred and intimate place we have placed ourselves. From the female perspective, the act of becoming pregnant by you underlines how we have subsumed you into us. We have engulfed you and drawn that which defines you into our very deepest of places. We have similarly conquered you.

Not only is this promise made early in the seduction, it will be made irrespective of existing children we may have and that you may have. In our minds they are all just tests demonstrating our fertility for this most supreme of acts, the union of you and I. If we are considerably younger than you and you are female, aware of the ticking of the biological clock this promise of wanting to impregnate you will be used as a golden carrot to dangle in front of you. You are on the cusp of being barren, sterile years may well beckon and here we are, youthful, virile, fertile ready to not only give you our perfect love but to offer that perfect love by way of impregnating you. It is a powerful and irresistible promise which many find exhilarating and captivating. Add to this mix any existing issues in terms of trying to conceive or give birth and this vulnerability will be exploited even further. We want to give you what you want, only because it will give us what we want.

This promise will be launched at you from early on and will initially seem like a loving and romantic comment to make, but it is one that is borne out of the need to dominate and conquer and is a promise that will be made good for the second reason.


  1. Binding

There is no better way to bind you to us than the issue of children. The creation of children means that you are far less likely (and indeed in many cases unable) to escape us. You want the perfect image of a family and with someone who has arrived with such a glorious love for you, who better than us to have children with? We know that because as an empathic person you will dedicate yourself to their upbringing and therefore allow us reduce our own involvement save when it suits us. As you know, when you need support we are invariably found to be lacking. We choose having children as a means of tying you tight to us, ensuring you will provide plenty of fuel for us and have a huge obstacle in your way when it comes to trying to escape us. We have no desire to have children with you because of anything to do with you. We are using you as an incubator. We are like the insect which arrives and lays its eggs in another host causing them to do all the hard work. Once those eggs hatch you will be consumed, cast aside, just as that insect would with the empty husk of the carrier whose role has been completed. You are an appliance that supplies fuel. You are an appliance which is there to carry our offspring leaving us free to cultivate other fuel sources. You will receive little or no help from us, or be doted on, dependent on whether the pregnancy remains in the golden period. Whichever it is we expect you to bring forth our issue without complication or problem because these children are required for the third and fourth reasons.


  1. Pawns

What better device to use as a means of triangulation than one’s own children? These pawns are used in the ongoing competition with you.

“I love you more than mummy, you know that don’t you?”

“I’m your favourite aren’t I?”

“Let’s not tell daddy about this.”

“Mummy doesn’t really love you, but I do.”

Such utterances are issued in order to ensure that the children understand who is their master and commander. They will be used to provide us with fuel as they find themselves to our manipulations also but more than anything else they are a necessary and brilliant device that is used to triangulate with you.

“I will let you but daddy won’t.”

“Isn’t Mummy grumpy today?”

“Here, take this money but don’t tell your mother.”

“Aren’t you happy you look just like me?”

Your parenting of these children will be questioned. What you once did so well, will become the subject of scrutiny and criticism. Any perceived failure on the part of the advancement of these children – in education, popularity, sport and social competence – will be laid at your door. You have failed them. This heartless and savage criticism, attacking your competency as a parent is a fantastic method of causing you to spill fuel. All the while to the outside world we will appear the doting dad, the marvellous mother, the perfect parent. Little does the façade reveal of the tyrannical reign that emerges behind that closed door. The tears and sobbing never cross the threshold.


  1. Legacy

We wish to live forever. Someone as brilliant as ourselves deserves this and children provide the ideal conduit for securing that legacy. Our magnificence lives on through the accomplishments and achievements of children.

“He gets his brains from me.”

“Yes I was a champion sprinter as well.”

“He has inherited my artistic side.”

“I always knew he would follow me into the profession.”

“It is in the good genes I gave her; I always knew she would be a brilliant swimmer.”

The child never achieves anything. We caused those achievements. The credit will always be hoovered up by us. Sucking the admiration and fuel from onlookers as we grasp the glory and seize it for ourselves. We never give credit to anybody else and we make no adjustment to this selfishness with our children. They are just a further extension of ourselves. We attached you to us as an extension but we actually created these extensions, that is how powerful we consider ourselves to be.

We believe that children are the future. Our future.

176 thoughts on “Impregnated

  1. Asp Emp says:

    Ah, ‘The Village of the Damned’. An oldie but a goodie.

  2. Why me? says:


    What if the narcissist father doesn’t get a grandchild or grandchildren like he demanded from his daughter? Does the daughter get devalued then?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      That could amount to a threat to control and then result in a devaluing response.

      1. Why me? says:

        Hopefully not. But I will probably need to do a consult with you to explore this further.

  3. Jill says:

    Explains why he was so interested in cumming inside me over and over (30 times probably in a two month span?). He was insulted when I asked if perhaps we should use a condom. And since he was my “dear friend” for many years of discard and love bomb, I had become accustomed to accepting what I could get in the love bombing stages. He lived for that I think. I lived for the moments I saw the love and care in his eyes. It felt so real in the moment. Knowing he could screw me over and over, have an awesome time, have no strings attached, and then be able to up and move away across the country when he pleased to go screw over a newbie to the game and gain more narcissistic supply was the ultimate goal for him. Let’s hope she doesn’t get impregnated either because what a terrible tragedy that would be after a month of *knowing someone*. He’s a monster.
    I told him I was being put on a birth control that stops my periods and ability to have children for 3 years until or unless I took it out. He immediately started sleeping with this new supply after that conversation. A grown man. Unstable emotionally and financially. Good luck

  4. Jade says:

    I got pregnant from him a few months ago. I’ve seen red flags before: asked no questions about me ever for several months of dating, doesnt have status in Canada but wants to get it by all means and used to tell me “lets have children”, cared only for his wishes, when I didnt want to go out, he would throw me tantrums. When I got pregnant and expected support, no support was offered: instead, he would ask me going dancing late at night and when I said “no”, got “offended”. Being left totally alone, I got the abortion. And told him about it saying I did it as I was left with no support (at least emotional) whatsoever. He said it was all my fault.
    After abortion, I got into a heavy depression. Now, I am trying – consciously – to get pregnant from him again, use him as a sperm donor and break up with this dude for good. I am 37 y.o. I was 36 when I did the abortion (it was my first pregnancy).

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Do not have a child with this individual.

      1. Olga says:

        Why using him as a sperm donor is a bad idea?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Because you will create a tie to the Narcissist and all that comes with that.

          1. Jade says:

            Do you mean emotional tie? I mean if I just use him as a donor, without telling him about everything, how will I create the tie? thank you, I am in a bit of emotional mess about the abortion and all that happened after

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Jade, you will generate a multitude of ties

            1. You have a child with a narcissist which means the narcissist will use the child to achieve the Prime Aims from you (and the child). This means increased risk of being hoovered.
            2. In general terms, one of the hardest scenarios to effect Total No Contact is where you have a child with a narcissist, it is not impossible and there is much that can be done, but it makes for a more difficult situation for you.
            3. Your Emotional Thinking will seize on this to make you continue to interact with the narcissist and feed the addiction which you are likely to have.
            I have summed it up briefly and I would recommend that you arrange a consultation so I can explain this in greater detail to aid your understanding and enable you to protect yourself.

          3. Asp emp says:

            “and all that comes with that.”. Like?

          4. blackcoffee30 says:

            To say the least!

        2. NarcAngel says:

          Because if you know he is a narcissist and understand that they are unable to love, it is a special kind of stupid to chain a child for the rest of their life to a parent that at best is unable to love them and at worst will abuse them. It’s negligent in advance for you to even consider this and it will not help you to keep the narcissist, which appears to be your real goal whether you admit it or not.

          1. Jade says:

            I don’t want to keep the narcissist, I want a child. I might sound crazy, I know. After the abortion, guilt and shame are eating me alive. I was left heartbroken and at my age, I don’t want to date any more: I want to “undo” the abortion (i know it sounds crazy) and have a child I failed to have.
            I was so overwhelmed with emotions back then: fear of doing all alone, anger with the narcissist whose last message before I did the abortion was that “I am ignoring him” (yes, I did ignore some of his texts but I responded to the majority of them still!!), that “I have problems” (I have always been a sane person before I got into this mess), etc and etc – his message was nasty. So I got frustrated and did the biggest mistake of my life – that damn abortion.
            Now I want to “undo” it (if i may say so) and just have a child on my own but now with a well-thought decision…..

        3. Alexissmith2016 says:

          Olga, not only are you creating a tie to him but as we know there is a genetic predisposition to becoming an N therefore there is also the potential any child you have with him could become an N too. There is also the risk that even if your child is not an N, that as the child grows he may turn the child against you or if you keep him out of your life your child may grow up with an ache to know who their father is. Of course many people have to unknowingly accept these situations but to go into it knowing that you are setting you and your future child up for a life of misery intentionally is worthy of consideration, if not for you, for your future child. Please think about this carefully. Hugs and love, I understand why you would want to so this is not meant in a judgemental way at all. Ns are addictive and I get that 100% along with the desperation to have a reason to be able to see them. But this is a choice for you, your child has no choice at all.

      2. WhoCares says:

        “Do not have a child with this individual.”

        Ditto. One hundred times ditto.

      3. Eternity says:

        Best advice ever HG!

    2. Eternity says:

      Olga, please do not I repeat do not have a baby with the Narcissist. You made a decision the first time around and dont go back. If you go back you will be making a huge mistake !
      You will be tied with him after for the rest of your life. GOSO now! He will make your life hell. Please I have experience in this and I am telling you for your own good. You dont need him ! Please consult with HG before it is too late .

      1. Eternity says:

        Sorry my response was for Jade

    3. FYC says:

      Hello Jade, Please do not do this. Not only do you deserve far better, so too does any child that would be born to you by this narcissist donor. It is impossible to make good decisions while under the influence of a deep depression. You have time. Focus on you and your mental and physical health. Once you are better, you can find a far better sperm donor. You may be experiencing some internal pressure and feel you are too late, but I assure you that you are not too late. Heal yourself. Stay away from that narcissist. Go no contact immediately and remain no contact. Continue to share with others on the blog, but do not listen to anyone who would tell you to choose the worst sperm donor (your former narcissist or anyone like him). Narcissism is in part genetic. Please reconsider for the sake of the child and yourself.

      1. Emma286 says:

        “Narcissism is in part genetic.”

        Yup. The child could end up inheriting that.

    4. Emma286 says:

      Would you ever consider adopting?

    5. ANM says:

      Jade, and anyone else who is pregnant by a narcissist,
      What you are going through is part biology (internal clock is ticking), but also part of Stockholm Syndrome. I can tell you that you are not thinking clearly right now. Not only that, you ARE IN DANGER. Get out, find a domestic violence shelter and tell them you were pregnant by an abuser. Do not call him a “Narcissist” ever. Not to police, not to the DV case workers, and definitely not in a custody battle. If you want to have a baby, you can find a sweet, nerdy man, who wants to make you happy as soon as you ditch this guy. If you end up pregnant with a Narcissist, you will have a very hard life, the narcissist will not go away and just be a “sperm donor”. If he does, very lucky. But more than likely, he will stick around to hurt you, and also use the child for any benefit they can. They will not love the child. When I found out I was pregnant with the narcissist in my life, I just thought he was a player, I did not think he was a malignant narcissist. Since having our daughter, he still refuses to have any accountability, he is college educated, and wont work. SO not only did I go 10 months being pregnant while he partied, I NOW PAY HIM CHILD SUPPORT for the past few years. He has ruined 2 lucrative careers of mine. Now i have court orders in place were I never have to tell him where I work, but we are both pretty well know in our community. When I was dead broke, and my daughter was one years old, he took custody away from me in one court hearing. It was an ex parte hearing, which means I wasnt even there to defend myself. I had to fight in court without an attorney for another 2 years just to get 50/50 parenting time. Because it took so long, even though I was too broke to pay an attorney for myself, the judge ordered me to pay $6000 of his attorney fees. Now another year later, I am 4 years into the court system, I have just filed to take him back to court again to take more custody and legal rights away from him. After doing some digging, I found out in the past: 1. my ex has been under multiple investigations from the FBI for murder, but was never charged, this makes sense because he has tried to get me to kill myself, 2. he spent 3 years in federal prison and was in a gang there he kept this a secret from everyone 3.i have a TON of police reports of him being a suspect of rape,assault, and picking up prostitutes. This is not someone who I should be handing my daughter to. The courts will probably not care about all this. He will claim it is “all in the past, and nothing to do with our daughter”. This past year, i have had to remain completely calm, while the narcissist has done funky abusive stuff like threaten to kindnap our child, threaten to have my parental rights terminated, threatened i would never see our child again, telling me he thinks our daughter has covid19 or a concussion and then cutting all communication off for a week while he has his parenting time, to scare me and leave me in the dark. scary stuff to see if he can get me to snap and go crazy. I can go on… but the moral of the story, i have had to wait 12 months of a narcissist abusing my child, to prove he is also capable of abusing children, and not just me and other women. During this time, I have had to push myself to be a productive member of society. I love my daughter, but this is a nightmare. If you are already pregnant with a narcissist, get out of the narcissist’s court jurisdiction. move to another state or country. If that is not an option, do not put him on the birth certificate, apply for passports asap, in case you need to leave the country. If you live in the USA or Canada, you will need to go to a country that refuses to hand children over to the USA, like Russia, Japan, or even India. If you are in the court system, you will have to learn how to play their chess games and speak their language, and you may still lose for a long time like I did. DO NOT GET PREGNANT BY A NARCISSIST!!!!!

      1. WhoCares says:


        I knew your story was involved and your legal battle lengthy but some details had escaped me until this post – hugs to you! Big hugs.💜

      2. Another Cat says:


        I lack words, sending a lot of hugs. What you do to save your child is unbelievable.

      3. NarcAngel says:

        Wow. I knew your situation was bad but I didn’t know the extent. I admire that despite the feelings it has likely brought up for you in summarizing, that you have offered your experience in the hope of helping someone else avoid what you are continuing to endure. Nothing speaks like experience.

      4. ANM says:

        Ladies, I appreciate the feedback, please do realize, even when the narcisisst had custody of my custody of my child, she was still with me a majority of the time. In fact, right after the hearing that he “won” custody, he left our child with me for almost an entire month while he traveled, and vacationed to celebrate. Who does that? Also know, I am winning my case, and in october I have court to modify custody to get sole custody. I CAN NOT WAIT TO ACTUALLY LITIGATE AGAIN AGAINST THE NARCISISST. I already “won” the restraining order hearings this year, which are orders from the criminal level, and depict the narcisisst is guilty of “aggravated domestic violence.” However, that is not my complete strategy for taking custody away. Narcisisst will not “co-parent”, they get worse over time in the court system. The empath needs to present that they get better over time, and is willing to drink the courts koolaid. I am no contact with my ex, but I keep a journal online about our child for the narcisisst. If I inquire about our child, the narcisist will basically tell me to “fuck off”. I dont get mad, I document. I have an attorney who is going to represent me for the hearings this year, but I insist on doing ALL the ground work, gathering documents, even filing motions and subpoenas. This has been my journey. My attorney will simply be there to communicate to a judge. Judges are apart of the “good ole boys club” so I dont recommend representing yourself for this very reason. It was just something I had to do. I also advocate for other victims of narcisisst abuse. Since covid19 has been going on, I have gotten to attend many high conflict custody hearings virtually, because many hearings have been telephonically or zoom anyways. Yesterday, I attended a trial in Massachusetts telephonically, even though I am in AZ. I coach and prep other victims on what to expect at court hearings against a narcisisst. They all play the same games in court, but can variate with what school of narcisist they are. Yesterday, the trial I was listening into, I believe was an upper midrange narcisisst. Very smooth, sadistic female narcisist who filed a motion to suspend all parenting time from her victim. I do this work on the side, usually before I start my real job. If anyone needs help with court stuff, I can not give you legal advice, but I can tell you what to expect, and certain things I would do if I were in your shoes. I’m here for all of you. And no one should feel they are alone in this. But yes, get out while you can.

      5. Anm says:

        I remember even asking HG when the Harvey Weinstein trial was going on, “why is this somatic narcisisst faking illnesses and looking ald all of a sudden?” HG stated something on the lines of, “A narcisisst is going to present whatever serves them. They wont appear to be lover boy all the time.” So freakin’ true. After my ex was slapped with his new OOP, had his fire arm rights taken away, which is very rare in AZ., and then I started sending him his fbi files, prison records, and police reports, she now suddenly walks with a cane, and has a handicap license plate. Harvey weinstein all over again. It confused me just a short time ago, but now I am living it.

    6. Fiddleress says:

      “Do not have a child with this individual.”, as HG said.
      Now my turn to repeat it. It bears repeating for as long as you doubt the wisdom of this piece of advice.

      I had a child with a narcissist, when I did not know that man was a narcissist. All I can tell you is that you are going to make your life, and probably your child’s life, hell, if you have a child with him. I would NEVER have a child with him or any narcissist, now, and would not have had that child, had I known what I was dealing with.
      What is more, even where you are not dealing with any narcissist, bringing up a child on your own is one of the most difficult things in life. Do not inflict that on yourself, or the child.
      I am absolutely convinced that a childless life can be a very happy, very fulfilling one. I might just be tempted to say: even more so.

    7. Witch says:

      I empathise with the fact that you are grieving over being abused by the narcissist and also over the abortion and so you’re not thinking logically right now.
      However you are playing a very dangerous game in your attempt to manipulate the narc by trying to get pregnant.
      If at any stage he finds out you are pregnant or you have his child, he may pursue you through family court and unless he is a serial killer, the court WILL grant him access to the child. At first it might be supervised contact but if he continues to pursue, he is likely to be granted unsupervised contact and from there you will be forced to hand your child over to him to be abused. It’s very difficult to prove emotional abuse in court. If the court does not believe the child is a risk of significant harm (which basically means the child has not been thrown out the window) he will continue to be in the child’s and therefore your life.

      I would suggest making plans to go no contact now. And taking yourself to a sexual health clinic and getting a pregnancy test and a full STI screening. Then going to a friends house and have a good old cry, get lots of hugs.
      Then come back here for the facts.
      But please don’t set yourself up for a lifetime of suffering by having a child with this man.

    8. Jade says:

      It will be easier to rely to all who commented in a single comment.
      I want to thank all of you for your comments, I appreciate them so much!!!
      Adoption is not an option.
      I consider my abortion the biggest mistake of my life. And I thought by having a child with this man, I would kinda “undo” the abortion. I am 37 y.o, and being left heart-broken, I don’t want to date any more but I want to have biological children on my own. I’ve always been a sane reasonable person before I got into this mess: I was dating, working, going out. After the abortion, I can’t forgive myself and can’t enjoy life any more.
      I thought about not putting the child on the birth certificate. Moreover, since he has no documents in Canada (and was always pressuring me to marry him so that he could stay legally in Canada – the pressure was and still is huge), he will either be deported or stay illegally with no possibility to go through courts, so he wont have possibility to harrass me.
      I just want my child back. I know I sound crazy. Never thought my life would be like this.

      1. blackcoffee30 says:

        He’s cheating. 100% Get tested for STIs.

        Run. All these strangers on the internet aren’t telling you this for nothing. Run.

        I agree with NA. I don’t think it’s really about a baby, but if so, there are normal men aplenty looking for women with whom to start a family.

      2. Emma286 says:

        Hi again Jade. If you’ve not done so already, very strongly advise looking into using a different sperm donor. You can still have a child that way.

        If you have a child by this man it increases the chances of their inheriting genes which could possibly lead to their developing a Narcissistic Personality Disorder themselves.

      3. WhoCares says:

        Jade – “Moreover, since he has no documents in Canada (and was always pressuring me to marry him so that he could stay legally in Canada”

        How do you know the above for certain? He could be lying about having no documents in order to dupe you.

        What if this was a ploy to get you to marry him just to bind you to him?

        1. Jade says:

          I’ve seen his refugee claim (he won’t get the refugee status as he is from a relatively well-off country), so no status in Canada (refugee claimants can work until the decision on their claim, but it doesnt grant legal status)…

      4. Witch says:

        Hi Jade
        I’m sorry to hear you are grieving over the abortion. I imagine it was a very difficult decision to make.
        Please understand that you may have other safer options for having a child like IVF or even having one with a gay man, who like you just wants a child. (just put him through a narc detector first.)
        Even if the narc is booted out the country, it’s still not an ideal situation to bring a child into. Your child will get older and start asking questions and may want to look for him just to discover he’s a c**t, which will be a painful process for both of y’all.
        Or what if your feelings change later on due to narc addiction and you allow him contact with the child and then he applies to stay in the country through the child? There are too many risks involved when you are thinking with emotion.
        Listen to the women here who have children with a narc and are speaking from experience.
        I know you’re hurting but this isn’t the way to fix things. No contact is.

      5. Empath007 says:

        You don’t sound crazy Jade… you sound like you’re suffering from extreme guilt over the abortion. So much so, that you’ve convinced yourself the better solution is to settle for an abuser to impregnated you… it’s almost like an act of self punishment, mixed with the desire to have a child.

        You’re not worthless because you had an abortion. It sounds as though you made the responsible choice at the time not to bring a child into a tumultuous situation. That’s responsible, not reckless… in my opinion.

        While I am a mother, I never had a maternal instinct. I never personally understood why women felt they needed a child to complete them etc. So I can not relate to those feelings… but, ask yourself… is this child really going to fill that void you are feeling ? and if so… is that even their job ?

        Take the time you need to work through the guilt of the abortion, and in time you will see having a child with this abuser is not the answer to your feelings of guilt. Work on forgiving yourself, and know that if the time comes to have children… then it will. And if it doesn’t… then your life will be just as meaningful and important without one, then it would be with one.

    9. MommyPino says:

      Jade, I’m so sorry for what you went through. Please listen to H.G. and the commenters here. You will be putting your future child in such a great disadvantage and set the child up for a hard life by choosing a narcissist as a father. There are other alternatives to having a child that would not involve the narcissist. But please before having a child make sure that you are well. Take care of yourself first. Children never asked to be put into this world by us that’s why it is our responsibility to make their childhood as good as we can possibly make it. You cannot do that if you are not well. Please prioritize fixing you and your life by leaving the narcissist and applying No Contact as much as you can. Focus on your emotional and mental recovery. You will never achieve healing while you are still in a dynamic with him. HG has many materials that can help you achieve this. Focus on strengthening, loving and forgiving yourself. Hugs to you and wishing the best for you.

    10. WhoCares says:


      I was just re-reading this thread.
      I went up against my narc in court this past week over our child.
      I hope you’re not ever bound to a similar process.

      And I really hope you’re in a good place and feeling better.

      1. Z - zwartbolleke says:

        never read this thread before, wow, just wow… I’m lost for words

        1. WhoCares says:


          Yeah, I agree.

      2. A Victor says:

        WhoCares, as Z said, thank you for bringing this thread up, I had not seen it before either. Wow. There is no positive outcome for children with a parent who is a narcissist, none. They will always be hurt by them in some way. Reading this thread was only affirmation of that.

  5. Witch says:

    Thanks K, I also forgot to add “even if you didn’t confront him about it, the fact he knew you would be hurt = thought fuel.” And also that the other woman might have been the IPPS so he allowed her to keep the pregnancy.
    I find it much easier to comment on other people’s situation.
    In the back of my mind I still question things like “why was my mum nice to me at this point or that point?” And I have to remind myself that narcs can be nice when they feel like it

    1. K says:

      You are welcome Witch
      Very good! Thought fuel, many people don’t know about that. It’s all about an individual’s placement in the fuel matrix and whether they are painted black or white.

      Correct, the narcissist’s mindset is different.
      Mom was nice; you were painted white (benign parental hoover). Mom was not nice; you were painted black (malign parental hoover).

      Keep up the good work!

  6. K says:

    Excellent answer. The age of the comment doesn’t matter; practicing what you learned matters most and I am very impressed with your answer.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Always good to flex your learning from here.

      1. K says:

        It’s the best place to do it and it’s safe because you don’t have to interact with Narcissists in real life.

        1. HG Tudor says:


      2. AT says:

        how can I organise a consult with you?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Please use this link AT

  7. Lynn says:

    Why would a narc turn the children of a relationship against the mother? What would be the purpose of a narc in introducing said children to the newest woman in his life? How should I respond?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. Control, through provocation and triangulation over you as the Former IPPS to the narcissist.
      2. Control through provocation and triangulation, of both you and the new IPPS (assuming the newest woman has attained that status). Possibly also Facade Management.
      3. Your response use this without delay

      1. WhoCares says:

        “Your response use this without delay

        Most excellent advice.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Thank you WC.

  8. Buzzkill McGee says:

    How would a narc react if he impregnated a woman, in an attempt to bind her as you stated, but then the child was put on him to raise?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It depends on the school of narcissist.

      1. Lesser would desert the child.
      2. Mid-Range would do it for a period of time but decry being left to do it and seek to cause others to assist with the burden.
      3. Highly unlikely a Greater would be in such a position, but if so, would hire a nanny to assist.

      1. Empath007 says:

        From what I’ve witnessed, all narcissits pin the duty of child care onto someone else. Like you’ve described above. In many ways this isn’t a bad thing, as a nanny can often provide more love and stability then the narc parent. However, that relationship will be ripped from the child’s life once the parent decides they don’t need the care taker around.

        As for empath. We can often take on too much of the child care. Expecting too much from ourselves and completely wearing ourselves out… at times, to the point we haven’t looked after our own needs enough to stay healthy ourselves.

        There’s got to be some kind of delicate balance in the middle of these two extremes.

        As for men…. I think the majority are useless when it comes to child care, they are conditioned to be selfish and believe it is not their issue. Narcissist or not. A lot of relationships deteriorate once there is an introduction of a child.

        From what I can see, all of my single girlfriends are far happier and more successful in life without a man dragging them down. Men often drag women down.

        1. Another Cat says:

          Empath007 wrote

          “As for men…. I think the majority are useless when it comes to child care, they are conditioned to be selfish and believe it is not their issue.”

          I thought this for a while too. Until I remembered empathic men and empathic male friends. Empaths are fewer among men, I know. But they sure do exist and my empath dad pulled a lot of burden where my mom was not capable at all (due to her narcissism).

          I have a friend who pulls the load with four kids. I don’t know what the wife has, maybe not narcissism, but I often see him running and drivning to activities for the kids. Around town shopping their clothes, etc.

          Amecdotes, yes, I have many example though,

          but all in all I believe HG has pulled a lot of “men thoughts” wool off my eyes so that nowadays I recognize that I’ve been encountering a lot of narcs from the opposite sex, giving men a bad name.

  9. Rana says:

    This is exactly why in a couple months when I give birth – his name will not even make it on the birth certificate. He will not get a glimpse of the innocence that he would surely corrupt. As for me, I have blocked every strand of communication he can possibly use to hoover. The abuse sky rocketed when I became pregnant. I see that as a blessing, finally rid of him.

  10. lenni1982 says:

    If you had chosen abortion and gone NC, why ex narc gives you silent/ghost calls using no id caller/ private numbers late at night? It seems like hoovering attempt?

  11. Valerie says:

    Hg I once heard that fleas will instinctively only live in one ear of a host not both so that the host has a way to still hear and be safe. Reminds me of how narcs always seem to know just how far to take it.

  12. KT says:

    So HG is it a certain type of empath or a certain profile of woman that gets impregnated since I was instructed to have an abortion but another one was allowed to keep the baby round about the same time

    1. HG Tudor says:


    2. Tia Collins says:

      Damn I wish HG would have elaborated more on your question.Really good question..All he could say is “No”..Damn Narc🤣

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Then ask an open rather than a closed question.

      2. KT says:

        My thoughts exactly Tia 😂

      3. V says:


    3. Witch says:

      HG has said that narcs do what is necessary to maintain control. So requesting that you have an abortion was what he felt was necessary to maintain control over you and not requesting that of the other woman have an abortion, was him doing what he felt was necessary to maintain control over her.
      Also by treating you both differently would have provoked you, thus providing fuel and it is also a form of triangulation as he knows that you will be comparing yourself to her and might confront him about this, thus providing fuel.

      1. Kt says:

        Thanks for the info

        1. Witch says:

          Yes! You came back, 😊

    4. Witch says:

      I’ve just realised that question is so old

  13. Marcelle says:

    Wow…just Wow!

  14. Anna says:

    Do some narcs intentionally get their partners pregnant as a way of isolating the partner? A bunch of my friends who have kids said that at the beginning they lost most of their friends because they didn’t have time for a social life any more and all they had time for was the kid and the spouse (and in some cases they barely seem to have time for the spouse).

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes. Isolation is a key aim. You are removed from influences which might keep you away from us or dilute or influence and your reliance on us is heightened so you cling on for longer.

      1. Kassie says:

        Is this a similar aim in cases where the impregnating happens in the teen/young adult years? It seems to be the norm that more family would be around to assist the younger mother.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It remains about securing control: You are correct to point out that with regard to a young mother family may be around, but they also may not and/or the narcissist will isolate the young mother from family during the seduction.

  15. P says:

    as in, there’s always seduction going on, but he’s always alone.

  16. P says:

    Mine frames the discard silence (he moved away but there was no closure) as – i failed to get pregnant: “What a disappointment that you failed to get pregnant”. It devolved from “you’d make a good mother” and “let’s get you pregnant” to me being a (dumb) recepticle for his “seed”. Now i get intermittent, minimalist messages that call me “birth chamber” and “you can never pretend to know the true suffering of being an efficient birth chamber”.

    So i really got that one, no ambiguity there.

  17. amynm101010 says:

    The moment you become their baby momma or dadda, the intensity of devaluation and discard happens, with brief moments of golden period. They keep you close to learn how to emotionally react and care for their own off spring. Your child looks just like the narc monster, except it is perfect, it smiles authentically, the baby is full of life and possibilities, it doesn’t have a black hole of depression weaved through its energy. Suddenly you are taKen with anxiety, that everything beautiful about your child, and anything wonderful that is in front of you , can disappear at any moment when the narc feels like playing the take away game

  18. Hurt says:

    HG so what happens if she does go for an abortion like he suggested?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      She has an abortion and then it is held against her when the switch in thinking occurs at some point.

      1. blondie says:

        Even an “enforced” miscarriage will be used against you, from many different directions.

        1. HG Tudor says:


  19. Samantha says:

    Hi HG,

    Thank you for your response.

    I would like a private consultation but I do not have PayPal. I am in the UK. Please advice asap.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      By all means. If you e-mail me at I will have your preferred e-mail address for communication. I can then send you a PayPal invoice which you can pay using a debit or credit card without the need for PayPal.

      1. Samantha says:

        Thank you

  20. Samantha says:

    Hi HG.

    Thank you for your post. I am seeking advice as I have a long and complicated break up with my narc ex. Here are the main points:

    1. I have an 8 week old with him.

    2. He found out that I cheated on him before i got pregnant and upon finding out was physically abusive. He also stole from me and put a brick through my car window (which he flat out denied.)

    3. He has not declared the relationship to be over but has said he does not want to see me again.

    4. He has a smear campaign going and has the support of his mother especially… I am the useless, lazy and troublesome whore.

    At the moment i have a restraining order against him for a period of 6 months. Even though he has demanded a DNA test because​ he is ‘unsure’ (a lie) i know he will try to fight me in regards to the child.

    I know your not him but do you think you could predict his next steps?? He is currently trying to appeal against the restraining order.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Samantha, yes I can but to do so effectively for you this should be done through the auspices of a private consultation details of which you can find in the menu bar.

  21. Maya says:

    Hello HG, great post.
    Could you elaborate on what his intentions are after impregnating and leaving his primary. At time of conception he denied that he had deposited any seed and assured me not to worry. After the news of a pregnancy he pressured to abort and left when he was not obliged. Pregnancy was not desirable or intentional by either of us yet he clearly mislead me to believe I didn’t need a morning after pill. I am not putting the blame on him, I should have protected myself. I am just perplexed, why get me pregnant just to leave me? He has never denied the child is his but he apparently can not be around me any longer. That’s fine. He uses every opportunity to inform me in detail of his new relationship and of the old he has resumed. He claims he can’t be around me yet chooses to “drop by” to make child support payments.
    I need clarificarion.

  22. Hi HG! Thanks for this post.

    I shared this twice over the past few weeks with my former narc’s new victim, who has gotten pregnant by him (she friend requested me on Facebook on January 3rd).

    She sent me a message today:

    “Chris has changed so much in the last couple of weeks. We keeping the baby and we moving in together.. He has made it very clear to everyone he has a girl and we having a baby.. He not doing all the stuff he was doing he came clean about everything.. So things are good He don’t want me talking to you anymore.. I’m sorry.” She then blocked me from messaging her, but didn’t block me from Facebook (presumably so that I can be kept up to date with their (un)happy home life).

    She will be his 5th baby momma (this will be his 7th child) and he will be her 3rd baby daddy (this will be her 6th child). She’s a waitress in a diner who can’t afford antibiotics for the cellulitis in her leg, so she waited until it had to be drained and went to the ER to have that done instead. He works as an (unlicensed) barber and oftentimes is unable to scrape up the $500/month chair rental. They smoke cigarettes, drink cheap liquor and get high on coke together, while she’s pregnant.

    He’s so typical. I remember she told me, “he goes missing every holiday” (Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years).

    What a train wreck!

    Glad it’s not me…he tried to get me pregnant too (he may have succeeded, because my period was 16 days late once when I was with him and when I finally got it, there was an abnormal amount of blood and clots, so it may have ended up as a spontaneous abortion). THANK GOD!!

    1. Anna says:

      I’m curious, has he discarded her yet?

      1. Vanessa says:

        Omg, anna…over and over and over again. Every time, she says, “this is it, I’m done. For real this time. I’m not going back”, she goes back. Their baby is about a month old now and she went back for 2 nights last week and the 2nd night he never came home, was with another woman. She hasn’t heard from him since except to say the baby isn’t his. She lost everything due to that man. Her job, her home, her family, her car got repossessed, he got her hooked on drugs while pregnant, she attempted suicide while pregnant, the list goes on and on. She’s sleeping on the sofa of her ex husband’s house, who’s raising their 4 kids and he accepted sniffer man’s baby into his home. The situation is ridiculous.

  23. Despicable says:

    Oh HG Thank you so much for this, I knew it, I could see it in his eyes that he was trying to get me pregnant even though we had discussed that I didn’t want any more kids since I have two and he has three… I always knew there was something wrong but you just put it in words for me. I’m glad he’s out of my life for good. 😡

  24. Maddie says:

    You haven’t promise me anything and I cannot escape Your charm even if I wanted…

  25. Clary says:

    This is crazy now I understand why we’re both crazy I was raised by Ive if your kind so was he

  26. Cody says:

    “Insurance” in the form of a condom?

    1. HG Tudor says:


      1. mlaclarece says:

        I recall you saying you’re not a fan! Lol

        1. HG Tudor says:


    2. Sniglet says:

      I think what HG meant by insurance is that when he had the vasectomy, the hospital or doctor performing the procedure may have offered a written guaranteed that the vasectomy was 100% successful and no sperm will potentially impregnate anybody. In the event that a woman gets pregnant by HG, the doctor would be liable and may have to pay for the birth and rising of the child and his/her education to a certain age via compensation. Or HG took independent vasectomy insurance for accidentally impregnating a woman. Not sure if such insurance exists but I would imgine if it did the intent behind it would be preserving his right for a future claim for damages for a failed medical procedure.

  27. 1jaded1 says:

    This is a straight up post. Sometimes the truth may hurt but it needs to be said. I didn’t allow him to conquer me in that way, not even with protection. If he got it that way elsewhere, I guess good for him. Out of curiosity, what was the insurance to the snip? Maybe I dont want to know.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I am sure you can work it out.

      1. mlaclarece says:

        Wait…what?? There was an angle to the “insurance” remark? I literally thought you were cracking a joke that you got your insurance to pay for it what with things in the US a kluster with ObamaCare. Lol

        1. HG Tudor says:


          1. mlaclarece says:

            Lollll, cracking up. C’mon now give a hint then!

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Work it out.

      2. 1jaded1 says:

        That’s okay. It was a curious question. As long as it works for you.

  28. nikitalondon says:

    So much going on 😃😃. Cant wait to get back home from the office .. 😜😜

  29. Leilani says:

    Thor will do just fine for fuel that is on both sides I take it and it seems he can provide as much . If it’s the same Thor we are talking about. Afterall, he would only be an appliance as a Narcissist would say in the arena.

  30. So Sad says:

    Well now you mention it HG . Narc desperately wanted children of his own , but hated other kids inc his own nieces & nephews which always confused me .
    Happy to say that I made sure that I never ever fell pregnant to him even to the point of taking the morning after pill not that he was aware of it . Oh nooo never, ever, was I going to tie myself to an abuser & at the same time bring innocent children into his twisted world.
    So I denied him it .
    He’s moved on to his new target now a much older victim too old to have children for him so it’s not looking promising 🙂

    On a lighter note , just wondering what your thoughts are on the speedy relationship between Tom Hiddleston & Taylor Swift ? Narcissism at work here ? or am I just over thinking .
    Thank you as always .
    So Sad .

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Tom Hiddleston and Taylor Swift? Well of course we do not truly know the full extent of the relationship between these two people, it may have been going on longer than admitted. Is it narcissism at work? There is a decent possibility since our kind are over-represented amongst entertainers but one would need more information about the two to make any kind of informed judgement. You have evidently given it some thought, but who do you think is love-bombing who?

      1. So Sad says:

        Thank you for replying HG .

        If there is narcissism at work I think it’s Swift doing the love bombing . For example she’s gone straight from her relationship with Harris into this one (no gap) in between , looking at the press photo’s they both appear to be very smitten with each other ..

        She’s flying him backwards & forwards across the globe in her private jet , last seen in Rome” the city of lovers ” .
        He’s introduced her to his mum .. so soon .. ?
        I may be completely wrong but if I understand your blog as much as I hope I do , that’s who my money would be on .

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are welcome SS. It all seems rather familiar doesn’t it? Who was Harris btw?

          1. So Sad says:

            Calvin Harris HG was Swifts last partner and quite a famous DJ /songwriter until she dumped him by text after 15 months together and moved straight on to Hiddleston , thats what got me thinking & why I asked you .

            Blood & thunder explained it better than I did .

            Perhaps I’m right after all .. Not that i read the Daily Mirror but I found this ..


          2. HG Tudor says:

            Ah yes Calvin Harris. Dumped by text, a signature move. Now, what about Phil Collins who was at the forefront of the tatty bye by technology move?

          3. So Sad says:

            Yes well so typical of a nac 🙂 I’m just reading & he says .. She’s found a ” found a shiny new object” to play with ”
            Perhaps I’m right after all . Whohooh .

      2. So Sad – I was going to bring up Calvin Harris as well. In fact he recently said that after dating her, he wants a normal girl! LOL!!!

        She hasn’t exactly been treated all that well by a lot of the men she`s dated and it`s made me wonder if she has perhaps developed some narcissistic traits in order to deal with past hurts, etc?

        I don`t know all that much about Tom Hiddleston, but I`ve always said Taylor Swift isn`t as sweet as she seems. I think it`s her – all her.

    2. So Taylor Swift is dating Loki. Maybe he`ll give her a run for her money…..

      I`ve read a lot of articles that suggest Taylor Swift is a hyper-narcissist, but then again, who isn`t in the celebrity world (Kardashians,anyone?)

      She`s never alone for long, jumping from one relationship to the next, and really, how can you fault her? She is worshipped and adored the world over; she received accolades for everything she does in spades; she`s young and beautiful and has an infinite supply of wealth.

      Just as you can point to different things HG has shared with us here and say, “Oh, I am beginning to understand why he is the way he is” it is possible to do the same thing with Taylor Swift and others in her position.

      Maybe she would be a totally different person if she’d never become famous. But since turning back the hands of time is impossible, I suppose we’ll never know.

      1. So Sad says:

        Wow B&T .. you put that so much better than me . Thank you .

      2. Stephanie says:

        Loki is a Narc? Of course he is! I love him so. 😉

        1. HG Tudor says:

          So is Thor. Look at me and my hammer, watch me take down the ice giants on my own, hi earth girl want a piece of me? Please daddy say I am the best.

  31. About the insect laying it’s eggs in the host
    This is the best metaphor, narcissists are a very authentic part of this predatory Nature/reality. Great job, thank u

  32. luckyotter says:

    Beautifully written and deeply disturbing at the same time. Do you have children, HG? If so, what is your reason for having them? Can a narcissist love their children for themselves ever, not for what they give the narcissist?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No I do not.
      Thank you for the compliment or was it a back-handed provocation?
      With regard to your final question, from what I have witnessed, the answer is no.

      1. luckyotter says:

        It was a compliment.

  33. Cody says:

    HG, I know you have said you do not want children. (I also do not doubt that you happily use #1 when it serves your purpose.) Remind us why again? Have you ever “tried” with one of your sources, and even gone so far to see a doctor to find out why it wasn’t working? The doctor would be one of your lieutenants, naturally, and would know better than to tell the poor girl that you can’t get pregnant if your man had a vasectomy! She would therefore believe it was her fault and oh boy the fun you must have with that.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I have taken a decision not to have children and it is one that I stand by so far. Oh yes, #1 has been used. Keep your eyes peeled for an article about that down the line.

      1. Stephanie says:

        Good idea with the NO KIDS zone. You do have heart HG.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Of course I do Stephanie. A blackened one set on ice.

      2. mlaclarece says:

        I can’t decide which is a more cruel exercise in mind f*ckery. Silent treatments or leading someone to believe you want to create a life with them out if the “love” you feel for them.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          How about suggesting a life together and then falling silent and disappearing?

          1. nikitalondon says:

            Painful 😢

          2. mlaclarece says:

            I will make it my life mission to hunt you down and harpoon you with a VERY sharp stick. 😉

          3. HG Tudor says:

            Promises, promises.

          4. mlaclarece says:

            If I say it, I’ll back it up!!

  34. mlaclarece says:

    I do understand why you have chosen to not procreate from previous Q & A’s in other areas. I’m curious though if you have had any close calls with a pregnancy scare? Maybe a GF or even your wife, desperately wanting your child and maybe claiming to be on birth control but not really? Have you run into that? It could work both ways in that they would know that would bind you to them but also retain or bring back the golden period.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No, no close calls. It is impossible.

      1. mlaclarece says:

        Ohhhh…did you have the snip snip procedure done?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Yes with insurance.

      2. MLA - Clarece says:

        Hi Hg! I thought of this and always wanted to ask you. I completely understand why you chose to never have kids and made the decision to have the procedure done when you were much younger.
        At this point in your life now, with all the awareness you’ve gained about yourself through therapy and your life experiences, would it ever appeal to you (had you not had the surgery) to be a donor? You would not ever be an active parent. I was just curious if it would appeal to you though that there could be a little human made with half of you that could have a shot at the childhood you never got to have and that your blood line would continue (appealing to your superiority)?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Who is to say that isn’t an option?

          1. MLA - Clarece says:

            Um, well science says it is not an option, if you are “shooting blanks” so to speak. lol But if it could be an option, would that appeal to you now at all? If the conditions are you know there will be a part of you living on and hopefully in a well loved, well-adjusted environment that you did not have, but you do not have to be involved in the care of the child? Would you be curious to see what traits physically and otherwise carryover in your own offspring?

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Who is to say it is not an option and it is nothing to do with science.

          3. MLA - Clarece says:

            Well then is it an option for you to reverse your procedure to find out? Hmmmm? lol Find out if Little HG Junior would have those dashing blue eyes, athletic ability and gift of ever so articulate and effective communication? Plus always sneak into the kitchen in the middle of the night and steal all the freshly baked cookies?

          4. HG Tudor says:

            Ha ha your recollection always please me Clarece. One has that curiosity, yes. Whether it overrides the “braking” factors remains to be seen.

          5. MLA - Clarece says:

            I’m glad I snuck in a “what if” moment for you before the logical “braking” took hold!

      3. Kimi says:

        Great question Clarice!

        Vasectomy Reversal or Sperm Retrieval with In Vitro Fertilization could produce offspring.

        1. MLA - Clarece says:

          Yes, that could happen Kimi! But I don’t think HG is that ambitious in making anyone in particular the mother of his child. Lol

          1. Kimi says:

            I agree Clarece, however it could be a win-win situation for HG and an appropriate woman looking for superior DNA in order to independently experience pregnancy and raise her own child!

          2. MLA - Clarece says:

            Agreed Kimi! Which is along the lines of my thinking that prompted the question. The superior DNA is appealing (minus the malice)!

      4. Sniglet says:

        H G Tudor may have had his sperm frozen via cryopreservation in a cryobank before the vasectomy. Hence, reversal of the procedure is unnecessary to produce a child and preserve his lineage. Perhaps that is the ‘option’ he wished to subtly reference without doing so. His consent to use his semen, a willing woman and the process of IVF is all that is needed. Although I have heard that vasectomies can be reversed and that maybe another ‘option’ if the traditional impregnating way is chosen.

    2. Cody says:

      Clarece, are you fessing up to playing the “oops” game here? (You don’t have to answer that… Don’t for a minute think many of us haven’t at least contemplated doing it ourselves!)
      The more I learn on this blog, though, the more I would think the “oops” baby plan would backfire because a narc’s gonna do what a narc’s gonna do and ain’t no one gonna “shame” him into marrying the mother of his child. An elite especially would have no trouble painting her out to be crazy psycho who tricked him (and to be fair the tricking part would be one of the few times he wasn’t lying), and even if a court forced him to pay child support, he could easily (I say easily assuming the narc is elite and has money and connections on his side) disown both the woman and the child. HG, care to weigh in? What would you have done in such a situation- had you not been snipped? 🙂

      1. HG Tudor says:

        “She trapped me”, “You will have an abortion”, “Don’t expect me to pay for something I didn’t want”, “I doubt it is even mine since I hardly ever sleep with you because you are such a slut who has no doubt been putting it around elsewhere” , “I wouldn’t put it past you to have your brother impregnate you because you are so desperate to hang onto me”, “pursue me for maintenance and watch what happens with all those pictures I have of you” , “That could be anybody’s the amount of time you have your legs apart” , “Everybody knows you are a gold digger andyou have tricked me so don’t expect anybody to wish you well”,
        “No doubt it will take after you and be a miserable parasite too”, “Sorry, do I know you?”
        I think that gives you the appropriate picture Cody.

        1. mlaclarece says:

          Evil and revolting. That heartbeat created at 8 weeks is 1/2 yours.
          I guess to one of those kind of remarks, my reply would be, ” I will love this child enough for the both of us. You’ll never be missed.”

          1. HG Tudor says:

            All good fuel for our kind.

        2. Joa says:

          My god, my heart is beating so much, much right now. I heard each of these statements. Including that I was supposed to take out a loan for the abortion. Including that on the first court case o alimony, he addressed me: “Mrs.” like to a strange woman.

          I heard that and so much more…

          This whole thread is so close to me.


          Jade, I feel sorry for you about the abortion. And would go crazy. I couldn’t take it mentally… This, no.

          Hope you didn’t get pregnant. It won’t do you any good. It will never be that child again. You cannot replace one human with another.

          A very close person gave birth to a few children as part of the “redemption” after an abortion (they hid this fact from me, because knowing her, I would never, never let it happen, I found out only after a few years). But it didn’t help her, and it might even burden the huge wound more. The wound that oozes from her, despite the passage of 20 years…


          This is a very heavy thread ☹ I hug all of you, fighting mothers and would-be mothers… I hug you, all dear girls.

          1. WhoCares says:



      2. mlaclarece says:

        No, I did not try to pull an “oops”. I argued with him frequently about not saying things in the heat of the moment that is such a sacred thing between 2 people if it is disingenuous. But in addressing it to HG, I was thinking back to one of my favorite movies, “Officer & a Gentleman” with someone pulling a “Lynette” move. Those women are out there.

    3. nikitalondon says:

      No child can bind a woman to a man or vs when there is not the will to stay. I saw this one after the other at home town and continue seeing it here.. Less but not because of the culture but the age range.
      N3 had a daughter with someone and he could not see this woman in any corner.

  35. bethany7337 says:

    About the insect laying it’s eggs in the host-

    I threw up in my mouth a little.

    I always love your choice of rich metaphors but that one made me squirm. And not in a good way.

  36. Miss_stress says:

    The photo, is that from Children of the Corn, looks like I could have been in that ensemble as a child, blonde, fair and blue eyed, which occasionally glowed red. The latter was an embellishment btw.

    For me, neither men wanted children, they had children from previous relationships and had a sense of been there done that following, I have a child from my non narcissist ex husband. No comment. She is beautiful, funny, clever and creative. As far as I am concerned I didn’t fair better with a non Narcsisistic father to my child. But that is another story. So there was no Impregantiion or binding that occurred with those relationships.

    The concept of pawn, I can relate to my own childhood. My Narcsisistic mother, pegged me the Golden child, I was the one who was expected to excel and succeed, all expectation was placed upon me. None upon my twin sister. This lasted till my mums death In 2012. She also used other children as a means to motivate my performance. I enjoyed school, so I did well regardless. She just needed to wield control in all areas of everyone’s life. Including my co dependent fathers. My sister, was oblivious to these inner workings. I sadly, was quite aware.

    Another magnicificent rendering HG. It makes me think more about my childhood. I know you prefer not think on yours, even though forced to through therapy. Whereas, I often reside In the past and strive to determine how and why it effects me in the present, I am a work in perpetual progress. Ever changing, ever growing.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No it’s not. It is from the Midwich Cuckoos (or Village of the Damned) the film derived from the excellent novel by John Wyndham who also wrote Day of the Triffids.

      1. Miss_stress says:

        Yes,of course Village of the Damned. A while back a friend of a friend friended me in fb and he referred to a photo of my daughter and I as the Midwich Cuckoos. MY ex N lambasted him publicIy for that comment and for insulting my daughter and I. Chivalry isn’t dead….we all have redeeming qualities. It was a lovely photo of us. We both do have striking eyes, so I am sure that was what he was referencing. Good memories.

  37. mlaclarece says:

    Oh H.G., it is devastating to see this so sterilely written in black and white as No. 1 caused some of the most damage and trauma bonding with J.N. That is all for now.

  38. Leilani says:

    Precisely. Then the children grow up as adults having to relearn self development on the core and essence of who they truly are, a perfect being whether or not one is an appliance or a narcissist.

  39. Cara says:

    Oh yes, the use of the children (the playing of favorites, playing of each against the other), the repeated statements of “I gave my life to my children on a silver platter” (it’s bullshit, but she still says it). People ask me why I don’t have children, why I never had children, & I can’t even begin to explain to them…they didn’t grow up with what I grew up with.

  40. nikitalondon says:

    Yes true every word…….

  41. survivednarc says:

    Ex narc pulled no. 1 on me for several years. However, seems he never could move forward to actually making good on all the (fake) promises.. he used it as a dangling carrot often though, whenever he needed to. But I tgink he was still too busy cultivating many other fuel sources. A child would be a nuisance.
    These “fake promises” was the cruelest part of all his behaviors, cause it wasted precious years, for me. What I found most disturbing, was that even in the end of our relationship, he was fully convinced that he should be the father of my future potential child.

    He repeated many times, that even if I didn’t want to be with him anymore, he should be and wanted to be, the one to impregnate me… I found that so strange, but he explained it with saying he didn’t want anyone else to be the father of my child… see, it was all about him, in what I gathered was typical narc fashion… thanks for sharing this, great post. Hugs from Survived ⚘🌸 (new record: resisting 9 hoover attempts!).

    1. HG Tudor says:

      9 hoovers you are doing well. What form are they taking?

      1. survivednarc says:

        Thanks! It’s 10 hoovers now, over 2 weeks or so. Well he does like his texts (lazy communication ftw?), so only texts so far..

        Funny thing is, he knows he is blocked, so that I can not read them, I only see “One new blocked text”, in my list, when he texts. I will have to see if he fades away now, or escalates by letters or personal visits, (as he’s done in the past). This really starts to feel like an onslaught, this time… I wonder why.😉

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Potential problems with existing primary source may be a reason.

          1. survivednarc says:

            Yes.. since I was careless and gave him sporadic fuel on and off through spring, from my knowledge he didn’t really bother getting a new primary source, but instead kept on with multiple girls online mostly and occasional casual sex.. But, I hope now that he sees how empty this “gas station” (me) is, that he will quickly latch on to one of those many girls online! 😉 Be well HG thanks for input! You are the nicest narcissist I know! 🌷

          2. HG Tudor says:

            But of course I am.

  42. Cody says:

    Wow, HG. Where were you when G was pulling a #1 on me?! 🙂
    Even and especially if the narc is older, he can easily exploit the biological clock fears of his target, who knows if she doesn’t behave (or if she God forbid does in fact have fertility issues) he can always trade up for a younger model and give HER the family he promised US.

  43. TheFlowerandRock says:


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