Your Contentment

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Granting you contentment is part of our design when we seduce you and grant you the golden period. The provision of your contentment at that juncture in our entanglement provides the luscious positive fuel to flow in our direction and all is well. We truly do delight in seeing you content with the illusion that we have woven for you. It is when you and us move into the stages of devaluation and discard that we regard your state of contentment in a wholly different manner,

During devaluation if we witness you appearing content, we are overcome with jealousy. Why should you be allowed to sit there satisfied, happy and relaxed? Why do you not suffer the repeated unease of the desire to gain fuel when those supplies become low? We look across the room at you, your features composed in an expression of peace. The envy rises and we despise the fact that you are sat in pleasant repose, seemingly all at ease with the world. We invariably associate that your composed appearance is achieved in order to annoy and frustrate us. You know don’t you? You know that we have this churning fury inside us which shifts and slides. You know that we have the growing hunger for fuel and how this creates a restlessness in us. You know all of this and yet you sit there, revelling in our discomfort. If you cared you would not be enjoying that book, talking on the ‘phone to a friend or watching your favourite television programme. No, if you loved us properly then you would be ensuring that this restlessness was banished and that our sense of power and might was reinstated. Your content state is being bandied about in front of us, teasing and provoking. You are mocking us because you are achieving something that is denied to us at that time. How dare you behave in this manner? How dare you forget about our needs? This is symptomatic of the selfishness we knew you possessed and now you wave it in our faces suggesting that somehow we are inferior to you. This will not do.

Your contentment at this stage amounts to a provocation and is tantamount to a criticism of us. You have achieved contentment whilst we experience restlessness and you know this don’t you? Oh, we know that you will pretend to be unaware of what you are doing, but we know your game. We are not fooled by these protestations of innocence so when we fling the dinner plate to the floor, shattering the plate and silence, causing you to jump up in fright, you knew it was coming. The plate lies broken and your contentment in one swift move is similarly smashed. You are not allowed to be content unless it is by our say so. We want you on tenterhooks, your nervous eyes looking to us for approval and consent. Exhibit any sign of being relaxed, at ease or content and we will take action to destroy that state in an instant. We will pick a fight, create an argument, call you a name, break something, interrupt you with an insult walk out and slam the door and so many other actions all designed to remove you from your contented position. When we see you like that, you remind us of what we cannot achieve at that time and we hate you for it.

It becomes worse when the relationship has ended. Whether you escaped us or we discarded you, there will come a point when we turn our sights on you again in order to extract that wonderful hoover fuel. It may be weeks or months later but we will have been undertaking observations in order to determine the most effective way of hoovering you. If we see you getting on with your life, radiating happiness and an air of contentment it infuriates us hugely. How dare you seem happy without us? You are meant to be broken and distraught, that is how the aftermath is supposed to be. Admittedly, it usually is, but every so often we may find that one of our victims has seized the power and advanced his or her position, forging through the emotion and formulating their recovery. It may be the case that we have seen you on one of the few good days, the bad days taking place where the world cannot see, but that does not matter to us. Should we witness you looking well, smiling, having lost weight, or looking fitter, dressing elegantly, meeting friends with laughter and smiles it wounds us considerably. You seem to have forgotten us. You are bound to us, forever, have you forgotten that this is the case? You are at our beck and call until the day either of us breathes our last, yet here you are striding across the street, hair glossy and styled, posture confident and uplifted and meeting somebody with a kiss and a broad smile. This was not meant to happen. You exude contentment, a confidence that we thought was shattered and unlikely to be rebuilt for some time. How did this happen? Who has caused this transformation from the sobbing wretch we left without so much as a goodbye to the contented person we now look at from the shadows? It may be a one-off, it may be a glimpse of something that is a work in progress, but such considerations do not matter when we see it. We are wounded by this display. You appear to no longer need us. Where is the stooped figure? The haunted individual with dark-circled eyes and pallid skin? Where is the comfort-eater that we mocked so horribly? Where has the lank-haired, nervous shuffling person we tormented gone to? This was not meant to happen. Ever.

Seeing you so content post escape or post discard is a massive criticism to us. The lesser or mid-range of our kind will most likely slink away, regarding this show of strength (temporary even though it may be) as evidencing somebody with defences high and radar warily sensitive. Any hoover would be doomed to hoover and might even result in further injurious harm. No, the lesser or mid-range will retreat and return to the new prospect that has been acquired and other sources of fuel and make a mental note that a hoover at this juncture is unlikely to meet with success. The Greater of our kind will seethe and glower, dismayed and wounded by this peacock performance. Unseen, we will send baleful glares your way as we formulate a way to pierce this shield of contentment. Schemes will be concocted once again in order to hammer this contentment into nothingness. The Greater may, if sufficiently motivated, spring forward and unless malign actions for the purpose of drawing negative fuel, preferring to adopt such a tactic rather than seek to draw the target back in. It is time to lash out and destroy rather than capture. Our fury is ignited and our calculating minds will ascertain that this can only be a veneer. It is far too soon for you to appear to content again, no matter how much it appears genuine. We want to halt the recovery before it gathers any more momentum and thus the Greater will unleash a savage malign hoover, smearing and hurling insults, dredging up those historic vulnerabilities in order to break the contentment again, just as we did those many months ago during devaluation. The ignited fury drives the Greater forward to shatter, break and destroy and if successful, then he or she knows that further malign assaults can be rolled out to cripple the recovery. Once the recovery has been derailed, the contentment eradicated and the veneer of confidence stripped, then the golden period can be dangled again before the quivering victim.

It never does to see you contented. This is why when we see it during devaluation you will suffer and adverse reaction. Following the cessation of the relationship it wounds us considerably and will generate a certain response dependent on the type of our kind that you were entangled with. The maintenance of contentment is indeed a blow against us.

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33 thoughts on “Your Contentment”

  1. HG, so lessers and mids don’t really Hoover if they presume you’ve moved on. They don’t want to risk a rejection ? As it might cause them an injury ? But so many people talk of hoovers and they can’t all be greaters. I thought the whole point of any Hoover from any type of narc was to stop victims from moving on ?

    1. No. We will all hoover if you escape because you have caused an unforeseen cessation in the fuel supply. If we discard, there will be hoovers thereafter but the incidence of them depends on factors such as:-
      1. Type of narcissist;
      2. Ease of contact;
      3. Potential defences;
      4. Quality of appliance
      5. Entrance to sphere of influence
      So, a spent fuel appliance who has been removed by family and friends to an unknown location is less likely to be hoovered than a co-dependent who lives half a mile away. If the N has access to supplementary sources he will use these to power the hoover and deal with any wounding caused if a rejection takes place. Some hoovers are easier to execute than others, for instance just driving past the victim’s house and seeing them looking out of the window is straight forward and provides a decent dollop of fuel. If the prize hoover fuel is deemed to be excellent then more effort will be expended so even if the victim appears to have moved on, an attempt may be made. If the effort required is greater, the risk of rejection is higher and the chances of good fuel reduced then a lesser and mid-range will be less likely to do it and seek alternative sources and try again on another occasion.

  2. T, so happy to know you are doing so well!! I’ve missed you! But I’m also happy that you are finding happiness at last!! You deserve this! You made it sweet girl!! Be safe! God bless you! 🌹Xx

  3. I am happy for you T. I have chosen not to engage in any relationship or dating for now. Until I feel healed enough to be able to trust my judgement and intuition on men more effectively. Could be a year for me.

    Enjoy life and be happy. Yes the less we think of them, the easier it is to heal and move forward from them. Distractions of the mind, In any form is very helpful.

    1. Miss, I did just that after N1 made a mess of my life that last and final time! I didn’t date for 2 years!!!
      Personally, I think I waited too long!!!
      I got obsessed with HIS life-instead of being obsessed with my life! Does that even make sense? It didn’t to me. I vowed from then on to never let ANY man…N or non N waste anymore than a few months of my life post breakup! In fact–I’ve dated within 30 days of each break up after that….no seriously…just getting back to reality and my own life.
      Everything is going fine w the new guy. Slowly…the way a relationship should start (he’s a Taurus…they are slow deliberate lol!).
      We are both out of recent bad breakups…so we are just really enjoying the time we have together (he’s in law enforcement 12 hour days).
      We are enjoying each other while seeing where God leads us!

      God bless!

      1. You are right T, I shouldn’t allow him to dictate my love life. But I just have no desire to engage right now. There are several men who do like me have asked when I was with CN, I was always loyal and faithful. Tbh. I haven’t even told them I am single now.
        I do feel like I wasted the last four years, but I try to refocus my thinking as I wanted to stay with him and I believed him, loved him , believed he felt the same, I did t know what he was. But, you are right now I cannot allow hi to hold me back even in the emotional sense.
        Tee hee, I am a Taurus too. Loyal and stubborn, indeed.
        I extend my best wishes for happiness in this new relationship T. You are such a lovely person and were a bright light inthe blog for others as well. This is your time. To shine again for you. As you said enjoy the time together.

      2. Thank you, Miss! I’m a Scorpio…so you can imagine how hard it is for us to “take things slowly”…..the attraction is magnetic!
        However, we don’t want to screw it up! lol!
        Take your time…but don’t wait too long…it couldn’t hurt to make new “friends”!❤️

      3. I wanted to tell you, T. I have vacation time coming up in the next week. A friend, a man, one I have mentioned in blog back in March. My daughter and I used to do a lot with him and his children, as we all got in so well and had lots of fun. I previously worked with him, his daughter was my daughters babysitter awhile ago. D was quite jealous and damaged many friendships over the years, I distanced Myself from Some really good friends, some of which are male. Simply because I loved D and didn’t want him to feel jealous or distressed, mind you these men are just friends. One did however like me otherwise, but was always respectful and Nevr pushed the issue out of respect for me. Two really decent and kind and loving men…..yet, I loved and stood by D. While he did what ever with whoever behind my back and the had nerve to accuse me of his wrongdoings.
        Well. One in my hometown invited my daughter and I to go away with him a nd his daughter, as we actually have holiday time intersecting each other. Normally I would have said no. But. When he called today and after reading your message. I thought , don’t say no, do not Allow D to dictate my happiness any longer. This is a friend, it will be fun to get away, have male attention, even from a friend and for the girls to have fun too. So, I said yes 😊 he was shocked I said yes and I could hear the joy in his voice, which made me feel appreciated. I feel so guilty over lessening communcation and contact with friends over D Jealousy. Yet. These nevr once blamed me or made me feel bad for it. But always said they understand how I am, loyal and devoted and and just do what makes me happy. Both did say, D didn’t deserve me. And well. Time has proven , he did not.
        Thank you T. It isn’t a date or dating, but it is a step to move on and reconect with good people in my life. I have been seeing female friends more as well. I repaired one relationship D damaged with a female friend, as she was just happy for me, he was finally out of the picture.

      4. I’m so happy for you, Miss! Just go and have FUN–without expectations! Good for you and keep us all posted!!!❤️❤️😀👏🏽👍🏽

  4. Hi Ladies! Special Greetings, HG!!

    Another brilliant post, HG!
    I can attest to this being 100% true! When I started to enjoy my life again–I was treated to a malign Hoover….N3 smashed my car window to pieces….no witnesses (happened @ work), nothing of value taken (family pics, work items)….this would have marked my 6 months of no contact within a week of this Hoover…
    He thought I would have broken contact and called to chew him out–I didn’t! They only want attention–My attention is happily someplace else now! ❤️❤️❤️

    Read all of HG’s books and stay no contact! Go everywhere you are invited with friends and family! Start slowly dating again….buy some new clothes….pamper yourself😀….you’ll be back to normal in no time!

    I’m happy again….😀❤️👏🏽
    Thanks, HG!

    1. HI T, I thought you left the blog, as I hadn’t seen any posts from you since returning few weeks ago. This is wonderful news on you being happy and enjoying life N free, bless you. It will Inspire many others here to know it is possible if we persist to care for ourselves.

      I am sorry for the destruction that was caused by the N. But pleased for your positive outlook. What made you return to the blog at this time?
      Be well xx

      1. Hi Miss! I just dropped in to say hi! I miss you all! I also wanted to let you all know it takes a step at a time….but you can survive this…..get out w friends-family and meet people!taking it slow in dating is so foreign at first….but it’s working out beautifully!

        Take care!❤️💋😀

  5. Cue Happy by Pharrell. You’re not dancing HG. Oh your song is Evil Woman, you’d dance to that right?

  6. This is 109% true and assertive. I have experimented this from N1 to N3 and I think that my ex husband still gets annoyed when He sees I am very happy.
    Was great to read HG 😍

  7. But you so aptly destroy contentment as you provide it. Sometimes reading a book is just that, when you feel ignored or ciriticised or wounded then speak up and address it as I do, I don’t allow it to fester and consume me, I purge it immediately to release it. If I feel it, then it is my responsibility to express, thusly it is yours. Only difference is, I won’t blame you or chastise you for expressing it. I won’t make you feel small or weak or pathetic. I will make you feel powerful for the ability to know yourself and seek that which you require.

    If you outwardly show frustration, rage, jealousy through body language and verbal tone and behaviour then yes, I can address what you may not be able to communicate.i can calm and appease and make you feel the way you desire to. But if you mask these emotions, even though I can usually tell, there may be times I cannot.
    How you do know I am not crying on the inside and the indifference shows outwardly, so you assume I am content in a distressing situation?
    Why destroy another’s serenity for no reason other then your own pleasure? And because you can and will.
    I won’t show him contentment publicly, so I guess he can get on with his new plug in and not snort and fume over me. I have no need to make him jealous or fake anything in front of him.
    He can keep his pride intact and I can keep my head held high. I feel no contentment whatsoever.
    I don’t damage others……ever. Not even those who effect damage upon me.
    Not all battles need end in destruction. Not all battles, need be fought.
    I do not surrender. But, there will be no white flag above my door

    1. It is not my responsibility, I am never responsible, it is my right.
      I find it hard to believe that someone so emotional would exhibit indifference when you are distressed, I do not believe you can do that.

      1. I was referring to others, who can mask such emotion. Citing myself as an example. I wish I could cloak outwardly emotion reaction. I am obvious, if distressed I will show it, it cannot be hidden. All emotions show. You are correct, in your assessment of myself. I cannot be false, so even outwardly my emotions match what is going on inside.
        It is your right to refuse responsibility? That is fine. As I always assume it.

  8. BRILLIANT.

    Lash out and destroy. Yes, I am familiar with that. I learned how to do it, too.

    Revenge against the narcissist?

    Contentment. Presence.

    Got it. And Why.

    Thank you again, HG.

  9. The contentment can be short-lived, if you see fit to ensure it is. Lots of tricks up the sleeve, lots of weapon`s in God`s armoury to right what is wrong, by whatever means are necessary.

    Don`t forget HG, the future is there for you to set ablaze. It is the perfect kindling, you are the burning flame and of course, the victim provides all the fuel you`ll ever need to ensure this fire obliterates anything and anyone in its path.

    1. I don’t think God has anything to do with it, blood and thunder. We are further to the left here.
      A trail blazer, indeed. Everything is flammable,That last paragraph blood and thunder was brilliantly worded.

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