20 Salvos Vs Self Esteem

 

The erosion of your self-esteem is a natural consequence of your entanglement with our kind and to cause this is one of our aims. The easiest way to achieve this is to use words. Words are easy to come by and easy to use so they suit our purposes completely. A choice, cutting remark will tear a piece from you of your self-esteem as we hack, slash and cut away at it. Here are twenty of our common scathing salvos launched at your self esteem. Incoming !

 

  1. Nobody likes you. I don’t like you.
  2. Why are you inviting people? Nobody wants to see you.
  3. You are never on time. It is so infuriating. No, I don’t want to hear your excuse.
  4. Why are you studying? You won’t pass.
  5. You look ridiculous in that outfit.
  6. You are just like your father. Useless.
  7. Just smile and stay silent. Nobody is interested in you.
  8. You are such a disappointment to me.
  9. You always have to spoil it don’t you?
  10. Stop thinking about yourself for once in your life.
  11. Is that mean to impress me?
  12. You cause happiness whenever you go.
  13. You’re not wearing that near me.
  14. You’ll never amount to anything.
  15. Don’t say anything, you will only embarrass yourself.
  16. I’m ashamed to be seen with you.
  17. I wish you had never been born.
  18. What was I thinking when I said yes to you?
  19. You’re just not trying are you?
  20. You always let me down.
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50 thoughts on “20 Salvos Vs Self Esteem”

  1. My ex never did that to me. He never actually put me down. However he put our relationship down whenever he was at discard stage.
    He actually complemented me alot, but was always finding fault in the relationship…it was as if he was looking for a reason to destroy it. Can you explain that ???

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  2. He only said # 9 and 19 to me. My mother said…all but 9, 12, 16 and 18…..he mostly cursed at me during rages with all sorts. My other said them Ever so calmly. Never a raised voice. Guess he didn’t need to, I still heard hers. Words do hurt….longer then their utterance. Bright side, I have not said these to others. It does not need to be perpetuated.

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  3. Dear Private Ryan,
    What would you do if someone laughed at those comments or said, I know right? Or said I learned that from you or takes one to know one or some other smart ass answer back? Lighten up. You are too intense. Your going to have a heart attack. Sign this though before you do.
    Black Widow

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  4. I was lucky not to have been criticised much by my narc. He was what you would call a Lesser and had some characteristics of BPD. He was dysphoric, insecure, jealous and violent. He always said that I was too clever, attractive, happy for him and whether he meant that or whether is was a ploy I don’t know. His criticisms were “you think you’re so clever don’t you?” and “you think you’re so perfect don’t you?” I think that’s projection?

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  5. An excellent list.

    Some other trusted favorites of mine:

    You are a waste of space.

    You breathe air that greater (men or women) than you need to survive.

    This is a battle wits and you are clearly unarmed.

    Your voice sounds like nails on a chalkboard.

    Based on what you’re wearing today I’d say it’s evident you went blind sometime overnight.

    Did you get dressed in the dark?

    You’re just not that important to me.

    I wish you were dead.

    Ta. Da.

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    1. Oh god B&T that sounds awful.

      But when you see it written down like that, they also sound comical.

      Mine had literally only just started the devaluation. I couldn’t hack it lol, was off like a shot but I know his lines would have been equally as amusing. His favourite though was to compare me to others in his put downs. Telling me I was jealous of them especially. Clearly projection.

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      1. Yes, they are awful Alexis, but they are meant to be.

        I agree they seem rather comical when written down and sometimes, when saying them, they can seem totally ridiculous. But, nonetheless, they are highly effective, as is evidenced by the pained looks of those on the receiving end of the vitriol.

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      2. Oh I totally know how they can make you feel. Mine said a couple of ridiculous ones and it really dented me. I’m in awe of the strength of anyone who can sustain this for any length of time. I was way to weak for that…… He’d barely begun and I knew I had to get out of there.

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      3. It can be quite surprising, the lengths some people are willing to go in an effort to salvage the relationship or gain some closure.

        Even I can admire the strength and stamina of a person who is willing to continuously put themselves through abuse after abuse all in the name of…..well, whatever it is.

        Good thing you were smart enough to run, Alexis!

        HG said you were going to cut a cookie for me, but I still haven`t received it! I love cookies! 😉

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      4. 🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪 here you go b&t, you can never have too many cookies, that’s what I’ve always said 🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪

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      5. It is fuel in the way that cookies are food and food is fuel for my body, though cookies are not something I indulge in frequently because they aren’t very healthy….

        Though HG and I are similar, our modus operandi varies a little.

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  6. His are always much more subtle outside of one’s concerning my parenting abilities. A million tiny cuts is the best description. Usually followed by gaslighting about it being a joke or my being “too sensitive” and need to get a “thicker skin”. He really gets on a roll sometimes and sends them rapid fire. Most didn’t bother me, at first. I knew my worth….until I didn’t. I heard these subtle remarks enough and they started finding their way in.

    Miraculously…given not seeing him for 5 days and only shitty texts in last few days… I noticed today how good my body is looking. And I remembered how happy my life truely was before him. I found myself smiling today. That hasn’t happened in oh so long. I made my favorite dish and found myself complementing myself on how good it was. My kids did too. Looking at snapshots of my kids around our house and thinking how beautiful my happy kids are and how warm and inviting our home looks. Blocks on the floor do not indicate a deficit in housekeeping, I found myself thinking. They indicate a mother who doesn’t let her children sit in front of a screen all day. Huh….a good parent….

    All these things fly in the face of what he would have me believe…

    He gave me just enough distance, to begin validating myself. He overplayed his hand.

    The moral of the story….a floor that needs mopped and dusting needing done is an hour fix but being a miserable asshole is for life. No thanks…you can keep your fake future because my actual future is looking better than anything he could create because it contains him.

    I refuse to let anyone suck the life right out of me ever again.

    Sometimes a little taste of freedom is all you need…whether by your choice or theirs.

    I think my self induced discard is well underway. Waiting for formal ending or disappearing…

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    1. Hi LibertyGirl,
      Wow! Yes, yes, yes….I love how you wrote “I knew my worth….until I didn’t” that s how it felt fr me too….it was so insidious. I heard over and over those @&$: jokes and how sensitive I was….and my friends have told me the spark is back and I look so much more “alive” now that I left….my best to you on your self induced discard, girl!!!!!!!! Yay and hold tight to being amount the living👊👍

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      1. I found that I had started looking at the ground all the time. My default was no longer noticing an amazing sky or a magnificent flower….I no longer took the time to look at my children’s beautiful faces…. I had even stopped petting my dog. I walk around like a zombie. Literally drained the life from me and took my will to live.

        I am holding on to this realization. Did I see somewhere that you are NC Indy? How is it going?

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      2. Hi Liberty Girl,
        Yes, I have been NC since July 4th and happy to have my spunk and spark back. I am still healing and have bouts of guilt for leaving and maintaining NC, but that is just my inner need to try to help others and I forget in the process to care for myself. So, I am doing that now 🙂 Yeah, I relate to that zombie feeling. I was soooo drained of happiness.

        How are you holding up? I am glad you can see the beauty in your life again!!!!!!

        Indy

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  7. Do everyone a favor and kill yourself
    We were laughing at you
    You need time alone, too work on self because you are all f***up
    He’s only looking at you to make me mad
    The compliment was actually directed at me

    He was the devil and dockers. Ugh

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    1. Oh my goodness, to hear someone say “do everyone a favor and kill yourself” is horrible and hurts my heart as much as it makes me so angry. 😢😞😤You know, there’s been lawsuits in the US about people saying such things too vulnerable teens….hoping you do not hear this ever again. No one should ever be exposed to such hate.

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      1. Indeed, Nikita, I agree.
        It should be punishable by law to say such hateful things as wishing someone to take their own life. I think there have been law suits in the US trying to make it a crime to say this to teens, such as online bullying tactics.

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      2. It is a crime in the UK to send a message through electronic means which will cause distress to the recipient. Urging someone to kill themselves would be caught by this.

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      3. Yes its painful.. Have you already forgiven? Remember its important to forgive.. I read once here something that also impressed me for life.. Your mother forgot to abort you” … All these comments are for me unbelievable cruel.. If I would not read hhere I thini I would never believe.

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      4. Hi Nikita,
        Mine only said things that were invalidating (such as you are too sensitive, you have no humor) and gas lighting (I didn’t say that, etc) and mean little things under his breath (bad enough). He didn’t say he hoped I’d die or anything horrible like that.

        Do I forgive him? Yes, I do, very much so. A piece of me still loves him, though a piece of me also has sympathy and sorrow for him and our past relationship. And, I refuse to take his poor behavior toward me anymore. So I left and I am in No Contact because of his manipulative ways really eroded my sense of self, sanity and my spirit. I also need to heal and remain strong. I hope he heals, too. I just can’t do it for him and staying would only enable his ways further. I left out of mutual love.

        Indy

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      5. Indy,
        Thank you I have no future plans of allowing disordered person in my life again. Interesting when that troll came alone I had some knowledge of the disorder after being with a sociopath for 3 years. Initially I wasn’t quite sure because there was no golden period other than all night telephone conversations and then the need to move the relationship faster than superman. I told him what he was after a few months he threatened to call family members and fabricated stories about me. I then threatened and followed through on exposing him publicly. He was definitely injured. I found out that he seeks approval from his mother but is unable to live up to her expectations. I used that as a tool whenever he would spew his venom at me.

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  8. Dark Narc’s were definitely more passive agressive unless he was angry, then he would say “oh here comes irrational Alex.” He loved to tell me how amazing I looked…but……
    You did a great job…but…
    Got told I was selfish…a lot!

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  9. I got a lot of condecension:
    ‘Stop acting like a baby’
    ‘You’re being immature now’
    ‘Stop throwing your toys out the pram’
    ‘What a nasty selfish child way to act’
    ‘Have you stopped sulking yet?’
    ‘You’re a poisonous bitch’

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  10. My narc did not say mean words after one outburst in the very beginning and I backed him in a corner mentally and he got on his knees and begged for another chance. Like an idiot, I ignored the flags. He then figured out what would destroy me, he triangulated, he used my own ego against me. Started with his sister and now with all his women. Even the ones he has no interest in.
    I know what he is doing and it doesn’t matter anymore. But yet I still reach out.

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  11. Seriously? Are you a 12 year old foster parent? This is the best you’ve got? Keeping your mouth shut and neglecting to give ANY input is more damaging than this childish stuff. Truly amature, not even worthy of being called psychological warfare. If you said any of these things to me I’d laugh at you like a grade school bully. How old are you people? An intuitive empath could destroy you. That is why you pick cute little bunny rabbits and do evil experiments on them. Your kind wouldn’t know what to do with a wolf or a lion. You are scavengers at best.
    All you are doing is arming an empath with a edge as to where ALL YOUR insecurities… and they are so shallow. Your kind is hollow… There is NOTHING under the mask but a wounded 8 year old pretending to be a monster and looking for a mommy. XoXo

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    1. I could chew him up and spit him out in a heartbeat. I have refrained but today might be the day I let loose. I have been very controlled….no crying, no response to barrage of horrible blaming and projection texts, no hint of being bothered by attempts at triangulation. I just want him to go away. And never come back.

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  12. You are so hard on me
    You are too sensitive
    You need help
    Why can’t you have any fun?
    Your too needy
    Your a little Hitler/dictator!
    Mommy’s the mean one! (said to our kids)
    Your such a prude
    You think your perfect
    Your ungrateful, do you realize how many woman would love to be in your shoes
    Your boring
    I think your a witch, no really, like a real witch
    Your crazy
    You have so many looks, its like coming home to a different wife every night, it’s kinda hot, and weird at the same time.
    You look like a different person to me right now.
    It’s hot when guys look at you, turns me on.
    Your kind of a slut, if it wasn’t for me…..
    I swear you are really a blond
    That’s what your good at, taking care of me!

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      1. You are so hard on me-BELIEVED HE WAS RIGHT AND TRIED TO BE EASIER ON HIM, IN REALITY I WAS ALREADY TOO EASY ON HIM SO THIS GAVE MORE ROOM FOR HIM TO DO GET AWAY WITH EVEN MORE
        You are too sensitive-I WAS TOLD BY BOTH MY PARENTS THIS AS WELL, SO I APOLOGIZED FOR BEING SENSITIVE OFTEN
        You need help-FEARED HE WAS RIGHT, AGAIN APOLOGIZED HE HAD TO PUT UP WITH ME
        Why can’t you have any fun?-APLOGIZED, TOLD HIM HE WAS RIGHT I WISH I COULD BE MORE LIKE HIM, TRIED TO BE MORE FUN, ONLY HE MADE IT DIFFUCLT FOR ME TO DO SO, AS I WAS THE ONE TAKING CARE OF ALL THE RESPONSIBLILITES FROM PREP TO CLEANUP FOR GATHERINGS AND HE WAS ALWAYS MAKING THINGS RISKY SO I HAD TO BE ON HIGH ALERT FOR THINGS GOING AWRY
        Your too needy-BECAME LESS NEEDY THEN I WAS SELFISH
        Your a little Hitler/dictator!-I OFTEN JUST LAUGHED AT THIS ONE, I FOUND IT A WAY IN MIND TO TAKE IT AS CUTE???ENDEARING SENTIMENT??!! (UGH)
        Mommy’s the mean one! (said to our kids)-I TOLD HIM IT WASNT FAIR TO MAKE ME THE BAD PARENT AND HIM THE GOOD PARENT BUT IT FELL ON DEAF EARS
        Your such a prude-TRIED TO BE OPEN AND WILD, THEN I GOT YOUR REALLY A SLUT
        You think your perfect-THIS ONE HURT, I THOUGHT THE OPPOSITE AND HE KNEW THIS
        Your ungrateful, do you realize how many woman would love to be in your shoes-FELT GUILTY AND ASHAMED, QUESTIONED MYSELF THIS ALWAYS PUT ME BACK IN LINE
        Your boring-FELT HURT A LOT BY THIS
        I think your a witch, no really, like a real witch-I NEVER REALLY KNEW HOW TO FEEL ABOUT THIS ONE, HE KNEW I WAS SENSITIVE AND ATTUNED SPIRITUALLY, HE MADE IT LIKE IT WAS A COMPLIMENT HOWEVER I FELT LIKE HE WANTED ME TO FEEL DIFFERENT SO DIFFERENT THAT I DIDN’T BELONG ANYWHERE
        Your crazy-OFTEN WONDERED IF I WAS, FELT LIKE I WAS GOING CRAZY
        You have so many looks, its like coming home to a different wife every night, it’s kinda hot, and weird at the same time.-INTENSIFIED THE THOUGHT THAT MAYBE I WAS CRAZY…INSINUATING I HAD MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES
        You look like a different person to me right now.-THIS JUST MADE ME FEEL INCREDIBLY ALONE FOR SOME REASON, AS IF I COULD NEVER REALLY RELATE TO ANOTHER HUMAN BEING
        It’s hot when guys look at you, turns me on.-MADE ME FEEL CHEAP, UNLOVED, IF HE LOVED ME WOULDN’T HE CARE?
        Your kind of a slut, if it wasn’t for me…..CREATED INSECURITEIS BELIEVED MAYBE HE WAS RIGHT MADE ME GRATEFUL FOR HIM CLING TO HIM, IF I DIDN’T HAVE HIM WHAT WOULD COME OF ME?
        I swear you are really a blond-FELT STUPID, BELIEVED I TRULY WAS NOT AS INTELLIGENT AS I THOUGHT I WAS, THEN HE WOULD TELL ME I WAS SO BRIGHT AND SMART, CREATED MORE CONFUSION, AGAIN CREATING THAT IDEA I MIGHT BE CRAZY / DIFFERENT PERSONALITIES
        That’s what your good at,taking care of me!-THIS MADE ME FEEL THIS IS WHY I WAS LOVED, I WAS LOVED FOR WHAT I DID NOT FOR WHO I WAS, I CONFRONTED HIM MANY TIMES, HE INSISTED I LOVE YOU, BUT THATS PART OF IT YOU TAKE SUCH GOOD CARE OF ME

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      2. CC thanx for expanding. I had bit and pieces from that also.. Well the blond part and my hair is pretty dark 😂😂.. Forgive and move on.. Best of luck!

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      3. In short Nakita I apologized and tried to fix myself for 14 years for him.

        HG, I am curious after reading my list and my reactions 2 things:
        Where would you put my ex at as far as type of Narc, from lesser to greater etc. Also what is your analysis from your standpoint at how I dealt with my narc based on that list? just curious!!

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  13. HG
    I was hoping I would get your take on my ex narc from the list of things he said to me and my reactions, posted above…..curious if you could tell by that list if he was a lesser, mid or greater.

    This is the list I am referring to…a few posts above,
    You are so hard on me
    You are too sensitive
    You need help
    Why can’t you have any fun?
    Your too needy
    Your a little Hitler/dictator!
    Mommy’s the mean one! (said to our kids)
    Your such a prude
    You think your perfect….

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      1. Thank you, he never really lost control in the way you describe as a lesser does physically, the most he did was raise his fist like a two year old it was hardly threatening more comical like temper tantrum but your description makes a lot of sense to me!

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