Goodbye or Au Revoir?
“Dear Victim,
Well, wasn’t that the roller coaster ride? Don’t look so miserable at least you are getting a letter. The last four never got anything at this stage, I just disappeared and the first they knew that I was no longer interested in them was when they saw me parading my new acquisition. Still, they brought it on themselves or at least that is what I keep telling myself because after all, nothing is my fault is it? So, here is your letter. Yes, this is a Dear John letter, a missive designed to tell you that our entanglement is now at an end (for now – more on that later) and that I am now romantically involved with somebody else. Just as an aside, did you know that they originated from letters sent to soldiers by their unfaithful wives. Yes, brave Johnny was out there fighting the good fight whilst his Mrs was shacked up with Johnny-Come-Lately and she decided that rather than wait for Johnny to come home from the front she would choose Johnny Come Lately who was stationed in her home town. Seems our kind did not even suspend operations because of World War Two. Anyway, I digress. Yes, this letter is to tell you that you and I are no more. The simple reason is you are no use to me anymore. I know it seems damned unfair but my needs are all that matter you see. You gave it a good shot; I will give you that I suppose. You lasted longer than the one before, whatever her name was. Something to be proud of isn’t it, there haven’t been many who have held on to me as long as you have. I know in between the tears and the confusion when you read this letter you will be wondering why on earth have I done this after everything that you have done for me. You see, it is exactly that kind of selfish thinking that put a hex on you and me. If you had spent more time thinking about me and my needs, then we wouldn’t be in this position. Well, actually, we probably would because so far no matter what anybody has managed to do, I have always found them to be lacking eventually and had my head turned by somebody else. It always seems to happen and it cannot be my fault can it? I don’t do anything wrong. I mean I chased you, made you feel special and did all the tickling, hair-twirling and sweet nothings, you got a good time, come on you have to admit it. Oh I know things went sour afterwards but I have already written to you about that, do you have to go on about it? There you go again. Me, me, me. Never a thought for how I might feel. Have you any idea what it is like needing to rely on someone else to validate your existence? Oh you do. Well, that makes it worse actually, if you do know, why didn’t you do something about it? Anyway, I don’t have time to go into all that now. I daresay you are wondering why I have chosen someone now rather than try and work things out with you or at the very least agree to an amicable split before looking for a new victim. Well, it is a fair question I suppose. I have had the new person lined up for a while. You just weren’t doing it for me anymore and I had to make sure my needs were met so whilst you waited for me to come home, dinner in the oven, or dealt with the children again on your own as I was away on a “business trip” I was busy choosing her and seducing her. She is a right cracker, going to give me lots of emotional attention, better than you ever did. Oh don’t start with the tears, no actually carry on, that makes me feel better when you cry. I could list all the things that she is and which you are not, but I cannot be bothered to do it now, I am too excited about spending time with my new toy, er I mean partner. Don’t worry though, I will triangulate you with her at some point so you can find out all about why I chose her and we may as well have a little competition where I pit you and her against one another and I sit back and choose a winner. That’s what you get to do when you are as brilliant as me, so we can save the analysis about her for another time.
I’ve left you with a load of debt. Nothing to do with me as everything is in your name, but I suppose it will give you something to concentrate on alongside wondering what has just happened. I am going to take a few household items too, they are mine after all and I need to make sure my new home has everything. I imagine you will muddle through somehow, not that I care of course, but I might pretend to care if you give me the reaction I am after. I daresay you think I am cold-hearted and callous bastard but you have to understand this is your fault and not mine. If you had just tried harder to please me and keep me happy then I would not have had to look elsewhere. You made me have this affair because you are selfish and do not think about me. It is no point digging out that ridiculous list you have kept of everything that you have supposedly done for me, I know for a fact it is made up, but then you are something of a fantasist after all, at least that is what I have been telling all our friends and families, plus the neighbours, oh and your boss and the chap at the corner shop. Well, I am not having you spreading lies about me by saying I have gone off with some young bit of stuff leaving you in a half-empty house, with no income, a load of debt and the kids to look after. That would make me look bad and I have a reputation to maintain. Don’t even think about telling tales. Nobody will believe you. I have made sure of that and I will see the kids when I can be bothered, but when I do decide to bother my backside you had better not start playing silly buggers or I will have you in court and the judge and everyone else will know about your drink and drug problems. It is no good pretending you don’t have them, I know you do, or at least, I will make it seem like you do.
Well, I think that is everything. I have left a few bits and bobs in case I want to come back and torment you by haggling over a toaster and that collection of coloured vinyl records. Don’t think about calling me or hassling me, people already think you are a nut job. So, this is it. As I mentioned, at least I am telling you it is over, so you know. See, I am considerate after all. I would say good bye, but is more like au revoir, but when I say so.
Thanks for nothing
N. Arc x”
37 thoughts on “Goodbye or Au Revoir?”
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Wow. I really appreciate your blog because after reading your blog and several of your books, everything makes sense as to what I have been going through. I had my suspicions and always chucked it up to “thats just him… Rules dont apply to him and he dont give a f….he is an opportunist..player..” But i could not let him go because of the sex and the way i would get butterflies around him and there was something about that drew me to him. Yes im an addict. Im still trying to find where i fit on the hierarchy of fuel because our sexual relationship started 12 years ago and considered friends w bens up until 2014. Then feelings happened and he would stay over a few days at a time and he started seeing and staying w someone else who became his primary and he would go back and forth and whoever else within each week. We got in a big fight bfr nut 6 months later he popped back into my life and it wasnt as intimate as bfr because he broke my heart so i had my guard up. I knew about the others but none really knew about me. Well it wasnt until this valentines day and he had stayed over few days and left to a friends house when he got arrested. My family bailed him out of jail because and he moved in with me and my family and i provided for him while he agreed to work off the bail debt. I became the primary unexpectedly and within a short time i was taken to such a dark place w my self esteem and i thought i was going crazy. 2 months of silent treatment, catering to him, no sex or lil sex, even got punched in the mouth trying to wake him up from a nightmare (mistake) crying myself to sleep, desperate to make sense of why and what and him taking off every few days because if i asked a question he would say Im interrogating him or take offense. Then 2 months in he gets money from his family whose house was sold and the day after he says we are together after webargued and i asked what was going on he takes off. The next day disappears and i only see and hear from him once every couple of weeks. Ignores my calls The work still isnt done. Found out he took other women on trips, bought 3 vehicles and whatever else. He did buy burning man tickets for me and him and we had plans to go. And he started coming back around cuz he was broke. But recently he started toting around a young random and the main primary told him if he left w her to never come back. And i still had resentments when he left my dad hanging w bail payments so after him feeding me bs about the new girl i called him on his stuff and we get into it. I literally got sick to my stomach watching him turn into a pompous cock to impress this chick and he was so evil. He never spoke to me the way he did that day and it devastated my whole perception of who he was. and he ended up with him telling me that he wants the burning man ticket back. This was after i bought an rv trailer and supplies and worked on outfits and was scheduled for 2 shifts volunteering at BM . i couldnt believe he discarded our friendship so easily. Well his ex got in touch because she knew he had some of his vehicles parked here and she opened up to me about everything she did for him and i told her the truth about me and him and we have been in touch and shared experiences. I shared your blog with her and its been helping her stay strong thus far as keeping him away. I didnt mean to ramble on but all your descriptions and thought processes make sense now that I look back because of his behaviors. He used to be open to me about all his conquests and how he got away with crap with ppl. But he stopped being so open. Thats what started our fights because i already knew his behaviors and how he was but he tried to lie about it and deny it all of a sudden and i thought that an insult to my intelligence and as a friend cuz i opened up to him and thought of him as my best friend. All i wanted from him was not to lie. I didnt care about the other women. I accepted that as a part of him. I just didnt know about the violent raging twisted mindfuck part until he moved in. So was there ever a friendship or did i go from minion to one of the higher fuel sources so he felt the need to lie. He once told me a long time ago that he didnt want to be in a bf/gf relationship necause he had too much respect for me as a friend. I thought it was a cop out. Now i know what he meant because i felt demoted once he ensnared me. Was that a lie too and everything from the get go was a play? When we got more intimate in 2014 i was going to college fulltime, volunteered at church and very active in service with 12 step community and was a sponsor. As of today i had dropped out of school, relapsed and unemployed. I dropped out to help him do the roofing and pool work to repay his bail debt to my father. I go back and forth on whether or not to contact him but things like the goodbye letter in your blog is convincing me that it has to become no contact for my sanity and that he is done with me. i didnt realize how much i put his needs before my own goals until listing where i was at in life bfr we got intimate or moved in. He got mad when he found out his ex and i talked and gave me an ultimatum…it was either him or her. I havent spoken to him in a few days and last i heard yesterday she had called the cops on him.
Wow !
Six months after mom dies (and the attention has died down) Tubby will resurface. By that point I hope to have moved on.
Stick with me TT and you will have done.
These one to the victim are excellent HG, nevertheless are painful very painful to read.
Thank you Nikita.
Can this also serve as a tip off, like initiating a silent treatment, where you would love nothing more than for us to chase you with a wave of emotion, begging you not to leave and how much we really love you? Rather than letters, I have gotten the official text message stating it’s done. Or to leave him alone. At least 4-5 times over the last 3 years. Then he’s always resurfaced. That is why I’m wondering if it’s an attention cry? Although I do realize in many cases, new fuel is lined up at this point.
Indeed it might be used that way Clarece to extract a good dose of fuel on the (temporary) way out.
Dear John,
I don’t think you’re a cold-hearted and callous bastard, I know it.
Goodbye
P.s Don’t bother coming back for your bit & Bobs I’ve moved .
Ice cold.
Love it, HG! I’m also starting to feel laughter and power with each blog I read. Just purchased Fuel. I know I should read them in order but I’m “fueled” (bad pun) by Fuel😘
I love how there is a question mark at the end of the title…it’s as if you aren’t sure…but you know we will never leave your mind. That’s the gift and curse of this relationship bc you will never leave ours.
With my luck N2 would have had me take dictation on my own Dear Jaded letter. His spelling was atrocious. His vocab was okay enough but if he tried to put it in writing it would have presented as a 5 year old trying to write “big people words”. I would have been tempted to take out an ad in a publication and say, hey world, I just received this letter from a 41 year old. My pride wouldn’t have taken a hit, but I would have felt guilty afterward bc his would have.
I got a letter- an email. He said, “You’re going straight to Hell”. (Nice words to tell your “soul mate”, and then he ghosted me. The End. I’m so grateful, now, that it’s over 🙂
In the beginning, he left clothes here and I sent them back to him. Nice clothes too. I should have burned them with the little notes I had. His crazy notes.
What do I do with the little gold unicorn pin he gave me. It is a nice piece of jewelry. I want to take a hammer to it.
Either sell it or melt it down into a bullet.
BUY A GUN, MELT IT DOWN YOU HAVE A BULLET! LOVE IT !😏😙😗!
Only recently begun to find humour whist reading about narcissism.
I have to say I’ve giggled throughout reading this!
Brilliant!!
No letter, just words on the phone. At least he doesn’t say he loves me anymore, but I told him not to say it. No he says to move on and see other people and give them a chance. But then he will say…………ready? Drum Roll Please………………”but, I don’t know, in the back of my mind I end up with you.”
Sure dirtbag, I will be right here.
Oh, he told me I will have bad karma because I told him I wouldn’t give a damn if he died.
Bravo Amy! I thought i was alone on that kind of journey..
Hello Anteah,
Battles and wars. One must know when to retreat. It helps to know these antisocial’s have NO conscience or empathy for anyone but number one. All the narcissistic injury in the world won’t change them. Perhaps if there are enough of MY kind out there they will go live in a box with porn and the real love of their lives THEIR HAND…. And the world will be a little safer for the lovely and kind hearted people they adore destroying.
😡😡😡
You can send me the narc application of you like HG, I was attracted to that initial smoking chemistry but I had a mission “my Father would be the king of your kind, movie star looks, high ranking government official, IQ off the charts”. So I always knew what was coming with your kind and took that ride 60-90 days and then I disgaurded them, it’s a damn good ride as long as you know when to cut and run… Never without leaving YOUR kind a giant psychological Trojan Horsey to deal with. No dear anybody letters, just a message to you all, an empath with a kill switch is going to take that mask off and show you WHAT you really are.
I tire of whole dance now, but is was a grand ball while it lasted. I lost a glass slipper and didn’t want the prince who came round looking for the victim it fit.
As always, the work you do here is greatly appreciated, you are doing a great service to those who have been deeply harmed and need to know what happened so they can get free and never be harmed by your kind again.
Excelant articles of late HG, thank you.
More like….à la prochaine,
No, just eating (and yes I am serious).
Hopefully one day i’ll stop caring
He’s a slob. Disgusto.
If mine had a brain, I imagine he’d send this. All I get, unfortunately, are silent calls where the other person is chewing and slurping ….
Perhaps he is a cow in a field or a pig?
So more or less I am thinking
TT,
You kill me everytime…lmao.
really? creepy.
You always make me laugh.. 😂😂😂 i am making myself a picture of your ex 😂😂😂
Dear Darling Narc,
I will watch and wait.
Dejavu .
X
You are certainly on a roll today!
These Dear Victim letters are among my favourites. Your brilliant sense of humour shines through in these posts and they bring a smile to my face!
HG, you know I have a lot of work to do which is increasingly hard when I keep being distracted by your very lovely and very tempting words.
I am every faith you can balance both demands on your time B&T.
When you`re right, you`re right.
My methods are my methods are my methods.
Your methods are you methods are your methods and when you`re right, you`re right, and you are right and thus, so are your methods.
Phew!