Is it Me, Is it You, Is it Them?

Image result for picture of romanitc couple

 

Once upon a time. The Princess and the Pea. Prince Charming. Snow White. Pretty Woman. Barbie and Ken. The Waltons. Hug you from behind. Breakfast in bed. Picking you up in the rain. Glimpsing you from a train and running after you. The Fabulous Baker Boys. Roman Holiday. Bouquets. Surrounded by your loving family as you pass away. Snow at Christmas. Remembered birthdays. The Little House on the Prairie. Beauty and the Beast. A Room With a View. City breaks. Walking in the foam. Holding hands. Growing old together. Gone With the Wind. The white knight. Crazy For You. The Passion. Spooning in bed. Monogamy. Rosanna. Love Me Tender. Truly Madly Deeply. A candlelit bath. The Best. Gift on the pillow. Save the Best For Last. Impromptu lunch. Dancing cheek to cheek. Someday my prince will come. Red roses. White roses. Opening doors. Up Where We Belong. Rome and Juliet. Holding your hair. You’re the First, My Last, My Everything. Writing ‘I Love You’ in the steamed up mirror. Endless Love. I Think I Love You. Dedicating a song on the radio. Father Figure. The Power of Love. Fairytale wedding. Carved initials on a tree inside a heart. Giving you the last Rolo. Love conquers all. Love will save the day. Love’s young dream. Love is a many splendored thing. Writing poems. Love notes in a lunch box. A message in the sand. Till death do us part. Together forever. Bright young things. Never Tear Us Apart. Soulmate. Other half. My Heart Will Go On. Bridget Jones’ Diary. I’ll Stand By You. Children. A Whole New World. Paris in the spring time. Lazing in a hammock together. A log cabin by the lake. The Notebook. The Spiderman kiss. Notting Hill. Rose and Jack. Letting you sleep in. Bella and Edward. Latika and Jamal. Dirty Dancing. Leading the dancing. Remembering anniversaries. In sickness and in health. When Harry Met Sally. Synchronised orgasms. Sex in the morning. Sex in the evening. Still having sex after all these years. Fidelity. Eyes only for you. An Officer and a Gentleman. Isla and Rick. Letting you first. Knowing you hate spiders. Viola and William. Stardust. Walking in the snow together. Walking through leaves together. Edward Scissorhands. Just the Way You Are. My Girl. Annie’s Song. Matching tattoos. Wearing a wedding band. I Will Always Love You. When a Man Loves a Woman. I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing. Love is blind. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. The perfect match. Our love is predestined. It was written in the stars above. Love at first sight. Mr/Mrs Right, “My one and only,” “man/woman of my dreams,” “match made in heaven,” “love of my life,” “my true love,” “made for each,” “my perfect match,” “I met the love of my life,” “I knew this was the one.”  “We were meant for each other.” “instant connection,” “clicked right away,” “chemistry at first sight,” “hit it off right away,” “experienced immediate attraction,” “instant rapport,” “completely hit it off,” “it was magical,” “you put a spell on me” . Love is a river that drowns the tender reed. The perfect house. The country idyll. Home is where the heart is. Wuthering Heights. Jayne Eyre. Twilight. The Hunger Games. Gabriel’s Inferno. Water for Elephants. Warming the bed first. Investigating a bump in the night. Holding you during a storm. Never being taken for granted. Perfection. Having it all. The Happy Ever After.

 

False promises and unrealistic ideals created by them.

A gateway to the false promised land, to the unrealistic ideal life offered and exploited by us.

Resorting to self-destructive and addictive behaviours in order to compensate for these failings and disappointments by becoming entangled with us again and again and again. That’s you.

Who is to blame?

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36 thoughts on “Is it Me, Is it You, Is it Them?”

  1. I can only speak of my own experiences.
    I was born into it both parents, drawing me to a few encounters with them! (I can’t say they were relationships).
    Who’s too blame?
    Good question.
    My answer I can no longer blame anyone, Myself included. I was conditioned from the start to accept anything.
    The feeling/recognition of not feeling safe/loved etc, has led me to learn it’s my choice wether to continue accepting what I always had.
    I don’t chose what I used to anymore.
    I choose not to play.

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  2. Good God, who made that list? I don’t think I could come up with that many “romantic” notions. ****belly laughs**** And, one of my comments in moderation was saying who’s the romantic again? The one looking for “the one”?

    Mmmm Hmmmm….giving side-eyes.

    I never been a romantic anyway, I just wanted some g-d d@mned flowers…Irises…and Cold Play playing while we look at the sky full of stars……LOL

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    1. Lol Indy, my exact thoughts… I think I have always had the idea of romance but was never really romantic! I have been told that more often than not I think like a guy…
      The most romantic of them all? Every narcissist I’ve ever been with!
      Here is a fun fact…my exhusband, also a narc, planned our beautiful wedding on a boat, at sunset. What did I plan? Nothing…drinking before I walked down the isle. Oh, I made all of the bouquets! 😛

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      1. Dragoncreeper!!! Yes! That is funny!!!!! I have a little romantic in me, to be honest though I am less so than typical and have been accused of the same! All I know is that when I return to the dating world, the next guy or dates will be looked at with a whole new level….the poor next guy…hahaha…. God forbid if he is a true romantic, those walls will go up like the Great Wall of China. Oh well, “Some day, my prince will come” ~~singing sarcastically witha laugh~~~

        HG, you’ve created a group of women that will be “kicking butt and taking names”….

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      2. Ha ha… I’ve always had a hard time taking complements and I’ll never trust what anyone says because I have two eyes and can clearly see in the mirror HOWEVER you are right… It’s going to be a tough game next time around…although I suspect that the right words and quick romantic wit will probably get the strings to my heart playing something melodical for a bit… Then we shall see if I lose my grounding again or just put my foot down.
        I have to be honest though, I’m rather enjoying the single life…no one to tell me what to do… How to do it, who I can talk to, when to sleep, when to come home…oh the joys of sleeping with music playing, reading my book peacefully! I have finally started really cooking again! I’m a fantastic cook, I totally forgot how delectably I prepare Mediterranean food! There is just so much that is so wonderful that I lost of myself because I gave everything to a soul sucker.
        I’m pretty sure I’ll never meet a man that will allow me to be myself 100%…I’m not looking and won’t bother either.

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  3. Meh. A lot of this is pretty lost on me. Maybe.. 4 or so things resonate? But I don’t think anyone is to blame. “They” do what sells. We pursue what we’re wired to based on biology and experience. I think it’s more a matter of recognizing a problem and working on it. That’s the hard part.

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  4. Yes it is me partially. ..only partially. .. Romeo and Juliet are my favourites ♡ I am still romantic person despite the reality…

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  5. I believed in every single one of those. I defietely played the game. Partly my fault for being naive and hopeful. She’s the one who gave me my name. She knew from the first day she talked to me she would have me. Happily ever after is my absolute favorite. Could u guess? Mirror mirror on the wall….

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  6. Is Somewhere In Time on this list. Stealing Heaven?

    The ideas we will perceive from movies, stories, shows and we try to make it real life. But the reality of life is that it is bs. Nothing at all like this crap they feed us.
    Love? What in hell is it really. A word we use to describe our feelings? Well, I love my car and I love a good steak, filet medium rare. Is it the same word they use in this propaganda. I love my kids too. Same Same?

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    1. Right! I love raw oysters if they are freshly shucked, slightly cleaned with a pinch of lemon. I love my head strong, mouthy and oh so defiant teenager. I love my faithful, sweet and protective pup. Every one of these loves has a different meaning and the order in which I placed them is completely irrelevant. My love for a partner should stand the test of time according to these movies…none of which is relevant to my life…
      I wanted to be Jane, Jane Bond. Save my broken heart, use the bad guys to get the top secret information I need and save the world… all in a days work. No heart ache, no pain and the momentary human interaction of lust, sensuality and romance paired with heroism! But that’s another just another fantasy… Unrealistic desires!

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      1. Dragoncreeper, It’s awesome that you are rediscovering yourself!!!! You are healing and being reintroduced to you and all those lovely things about yourself!!! Go you! I too am really liking the single life. Freedom and less anxiety on my part. I was so anxious all the time and now I have my inner lioness back. Roarrrrr!!!!!

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  7. Ok as cheezy as some of the sentiments are in the line up, almost like how do those women fall for all that without smelling a rat at least a little bit, this was one if the rather flawless peaces and did carry a major punch. Yes you do have a talent. ..so did mine, but she “chose” to invalidate it and instead pretend to be something much “bigger” (in her mind) than “just” a talented artist.. like that was somehow not enough. Im still struggling with the concept of self being so unstable or unexistant without external input not having neurological roots. It cant just be learned, but I can be wrong.

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  8. I don’t understand half of this language and the other half makes me want to puke. Not a reflection of your writing. Half of the fairy tales have been sanitized.

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  9. HG ❤️❤️❤️ All of the above ❤️❤️ I have also made mentally my list anx many many of the above match my list❤️❤️. Just missing walk in the alps, walk in the snowed alps ❤️❤️.
    On the part who is guilty.. When one remains and does all to remain after realizing the brokeness inside.. Both are guilty. Its then the toxic dance.
    I mean I see it like this.. You start dancing.. Nothing wrong there.. We all like to dance But after some songs you realize, there is no rythm, the steps on top of the feel are really hurting, this really doesnt work..
    If you stay its an addictive codependency…
    Even RR says its both people..

    The list above is all not false promises.. Its true promises ❤️❤️

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  10. Good analogy Nikita. It is they who begin the dance and sweep us off our feet. Whirling and twirling us as they pick up speed and finally fling us away, letting us fall. Then we are left feeling sick and dizzy and trying to get back on our feet, whilst they waltz off indifferently with another.

    I’ve said before blame doesn’t help anything. Blame is their game not ours. Is it wrong to want love? Is it wrong to want happiness? Is it wrong to want truth? I don’t think so…it’s human to want those things and I don’t think they are unrealistic.

    They are attainable goals if we see truth and light. Therein lies the rub though, they present us with what we believe to be truth and light but in fact it is nothing but lies and darkness.

    If we stay, it is often because of confusion, the desire to believe in them, the need to heal them and a host of unselfish reasons. We are not to be blamed for wanting to make it right.

    And although many times I feel angry at their behaviour I remind myself that they are not really to blame. They are like willful children who have never grown up. They need parenting but not by us…by themselves.

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    1. What you say is very true. Love is only found under light and believing that you will find this light.
      And second truth is that onlt them can heal themselves with a strong will, and faith but I believe is love the trigger for any change. The love of God and the love of another. 💝

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  11. I loved this piece. I am surrounded every day by real life, solid, steady and true love stories. Which is why the packaged, Hollywood stories will always sell.

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  12. I’m to blame when I make the false promises…even though I tell myself my mother taught me to make such promises (and to betray the ones I made the promises too).

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  13. They sell this as a fairly tale… My mother told me to marry my hero and I thought my n was it.(no we didn’t marry polygamy is illegal). But me growing this is what all the young girls were exposed to. Who knew what evil lurked in the heart of a man that you fell in love with.. The fairy tale is easier than the harsh reality. I guess that’s why I held on… No more though. Thanks HG for the ✔

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  14. You left out Jack and Rose, with the Heart of the Ocean and to “never let go”.

    Another classic, “Goodwill Hunting” and the line, “I got to go see about a girl.”

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