You Sicken Me

We are strong, powerful and impervious to illness or injury. We are a bastion of invulnerability, a veritable shining example of radiant health and vitality. Our superiority means we stand head and shoulders above everyone else and the weakness that comes with ill health and infirmity is not something that affects us. Except when we decide it must. That is when we play the sickness card. There are three instances, in the main, when we do this.

The first is when we do actually suffer from some illness or an injury. It may just be a fractured eyelash but to us we have been blinded with a red hot poker. The pain, good Lord the pain, it is too great and intense. It wracks us and has us twisted up in agony. Come on empath, do something. Do something now. Soothe our fevered brows, splint our broken limbs and bind our wounds. You must drop anything and everything. Forget being at work today, you must call in and excuse yourself no matter how inconvenient, for you are required to don a nurse’s outfit and do your best Florence Nightingale impression for us. This slight snuffle is pneumonia you know and to top it all it is your fault. You insisted on the window of the bedroom being left open, now see what you have done. I may not last the week. You would like that wouldn’t you, you ungrateful bitch after everything that I have done for you. You did it on purpose. You wanted me to be ill so you could see me suffer. That is how nasty and selfish you are. Is it any wonder I have been off with other women when this is how I am treated by somebody who is supposed to love me? Yes the smallest spot, minor ache and slight cough are all that is needed to enable us to declare that we are on our death beds. It is good for several uses. First of all, we will use it to avoid doing things such as household chores or attending an event that you wanted to go to. Secondly, it means you must give us plenty of attention by looking after us. Those soothing words and hot water bottles brought to our bedside all provide us with fuel. Thirdly, we are able to provoke you by being demanding and castigating you for not living up to expectations. You didn’t bring that hot lemon drink soon enough or those are the wrong pills. We will compare you to others, ” My mother would do a better job of looking after me than you.” All of which is designed to cause a reaction from you.

The second occasion on which we will play the sickness card is when you are ill or injured. We are not here to look after you. Good Lord, not at all. Why should we? That is not our role. We are too busy looking for fuel and we do not have the time or energy to spend engaged in nursing you. Not only of course are we devoid of the concept of feeling that we should care and that we shouldย feel sorry and compassionate for someone who is unwell, we do not regard it as a task that is worthy of someone as brilliant as us. If you moan enough so that we are compelled to call out a doctor we will pronounce our own diagnosis in order to align ourselves with the brilliance of the medic. When he concludes what ailment it is you are suffering from we will declare,

“Yes, I said to her that that was what was wrong with her, but she won’t listen to me doctor, she insisted on getting you out. I am sorry she has wasted your time.”

We get to denigrate you and upset you whilst showing off how clever we are because we knew what was wrong with you (even though we did not) and the doctor accords with us. We may as well steal a segment of the doctor’s brilliance for our construct whilst he is here mightn’t we?

We will then invite the doctor to examine our shoulder or leg as we go to great lengths explaining how much pain we are in. This keeps the spotlight firmly on us and has you annoyed that we have hijacked your consultation. We will look to declare we are far worse off than you. You have a cold, well we have flu. We will use this as an opportunity to accuse you of attention seeking (nice bit of projection there) as we point out how selfish you are for being ill when we are. We have no interest in tending to you and we need to make the situation all about us. Accordingly, we will fake an illness or an injury in order to trump yours.

The third reason as to why we will play the sickness card is when we are low on fuel and low on energy. There may be any number of reasons why this state of affairs has arisen. You may be getting wise to some of our manipulative behaviour and therefore you are not reacting as often so that the level and quality of fuel that you provide is reduced. We may also have a natural dip in our energy levels or feel some degree of vulnerability which means that our resources are being stretched rather thin. This makes it difficult for us to seek out additional sources of fuel. This diminution in fuel reduces our power and this risks the craven creature that lurks within trying to escape and making itself heard. When this happens, the creature’s whisperings remind us of our weakened selves. We are not ill. We are not injured. What we are however is feeling weakened, as if we are ill or injured. Accordingly, we play the sickness card in order to obtain an emergency injection of fuel from you or whoever else might be to hand. As an empathic individual you are programmed to respond to this and you cannot resist the opportunity to exhibit your caring nature in order to help us out and nurse us. The attention you lavish on us provides us with fuel and we begin to feel more powerful again. The creature’s catcalls fade as he is subsumed within the prison of our constructed edifice once again and our supremacy returns. Our weakness lifts thanks to this provision of fuel from you and this has been instigated by us playing the sickness card. We will do this to garner sympathy from you, from family and friends and also from health professionals. Our favourite ailments of course are of the invisible variety. Depression, a stomach pain or a bad back. We are brilliant actors and ham up our suffering. The portrayal of our poor sick self would please Ferris Bueller. As with most things it is just another fabrication designed to manipulate you and provide us with fuel but you must never dare question us. We of course have researched the symptoms thoroughly and our Munchausen Syndrome is most prevalent. You are duty bound to help us rise from our sick bed or you are a bad person and we will cut you out of our will in the event that this terrible affliction sends us to the reaper. You will be sick to death of our illnesses and injuries but you will be duty bound to attend to them.

102 thoughts on “You Sicken Me

  1. Lisa says:

    On our first date mine informed me that he had severe food allergies. He was unable to eat anything cooked with oil. He could only drink carrot juice, eat steak and beef that had no oils or sashimi. So when he and I became close, going out to dinner became a nightmare. He would spend 10 minutes explaining to the waiter and we could never share food. He always came down with allergic “reactions” if he steered away from his diet. So he would break out with unsightly sores and use them as an excuse not to see me when I once complained that I did not want to have sex while he had open site on his face. He could not forgive me for that and then threw it in my face constantly for years. He would come down with these allergic attacks frequently and abruptly and talk about how it made him feel so vulnerable in endless diatribes looking for my sympathy. If I didn’t ask how he was he would sulk and get mad at me for not caring. Meanwhile on the rare occasion that I was sick he never cared to ask or do anything to help me. He used the sick card all the time. Always underweight, bony and scrawny – he never let go of his self esteem issues which he compensated for with a large penis. His immune system was always low according to him because of his food isssues and he was constantly sick. I found it hard to believe.

    1. MLA - Clarece says:

      OMG! Unreal! Good for you taking a pass on bedding down when he had a sore on his face. You should have told him you’ll continue to make the same choice for hygiene reasons and he needs to be more considerate. Let him sulk. Lol

  2. Persephone says:

    Esperanto is right up there with klingon, elvish, valyrian….all conlags.
    Panties of wisdom.

  3. I also feel the need to note that my German is limited to Achtung Baby and “don’t turn around….un oh!!!……der kommissar’s in town…uh oh!!!!!”

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Ha ha, from reading Commando comics I am familiar with “Gott in Himmel”, “Donner Und Blizten”, “Mein Gott”,” Schnell, schnell” and “Blitzkrieg”
      From films, “Nein, du bist mein Bruder”. I think I was shown the wrong kind of films to be fair. I wanted to watch Das Boot.

      1. LOL!!! Ich bin ein Berliner…and also Vorsprung durch Technik.

        At least you have movies. I apparently learned any German I know from U2 and/or car commercials.


        1. HG Tudor says:

          Learning German from U2, hilarious.

          1. Well to be fair, Ich bin ein Berliner was President Kennedy, but yeah.

            I knew you`d appreciate the ridiculous irony.

  4. nikitalondon says:

    Just read the German thread .. Sorry to say but every sentence is wrong…
    I laugh not making fun but because it sounded funny ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I’m sure it did, it is a little rusty.

      1. nikitalondon says:

        Ja ganz sicher! Nur ein bisschen ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Es ist eine lange Zeit, da ich Deutsch studiert

          1. nikitalondon says:

            Me too time long is it that I english studied ๐Ÿ˜‚

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Alright, no need to take the piss!

          3. nikitalondon says:


          4. nikitalondon says:

            Es ist schon lange her, das ich Deutsch gelernt habe.

          5. HG Tudor says:

            I think that means ” if it moves fuck it” am I right?

          6. 1jaded1 says:

            Brings to mind etre (to be) vs avoir (to have) in French with respect to chaud(e). Our teacher threatened to drop a letter grade for anyone who said “Je suis chaude” on our 8th grade field trip.

          7. nikitalondon says:

            Und das ist richtig!!! HG . 1 zu 1 Uebersetzung ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜˜

          8. HG Tudor says:

            I’m not replying in German, I will get laughed at! Is Esperanto still good to go? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

          9. nikitalondon says:


    2. NL,
      please say only his sentences are wrong! I will pay you. Come on do it.! ๐Ÿ˜‡

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Ha ha ABB, stop stirring!

        1. Sir H,
          You have left me no choice but to become the official pot stirrer of Narcville.
          Mrs. Potts

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Is your first name Pepper?

          2. Persephone says:

            Yes because I’m not only hot but I spice up your life! However, you are iron man…with iron heart apparently.

          3. HG Tudor says:

            But are you Queen of the Underworld or Queen of Vegetation?

          4. Persephone says:

            Since I was engaged with several Merovingians, I suppose Queen of The Underworld. Since I am flexitarion, love flowers and was born in spring, Vegetation. What name would you give me?

          5. HG Tudor says:

            Well based on that admission, I choose Clovis. How were you engaged with several Merovingians ? You have piqued my interest.

          6. Persephone says:

            My heart actually dropped. Sometimes I wonder if you hacked my computer. Almost always I don’t say anything. I will however fill you in on several things about me personally….even though u give me nothing personal of yourself.
            I have traced my genealogy all the way back to Adam. This is on my maternal side. As is in my file she is English. I am actually related to Clovis. I know he was King of The Merovingians. Thus the scary accuracy of your choice. I know you see me as King of my Game, but I probably would have to use his wife’s name, Clotilde, as I am the Queen in the said Arena. Or, you have backhanded me because the kingdom was fraught with instability. I will choose to believe the former.
            The Merovingians….The Matrix Movies….The character The Merovingian was married to Persephone. As he was definitely a King of Narcs and was cheating, (cake girl) wanted to kill the Oracle and was all around opponent, I compare the men I was engaged to with him in this instance.
            I wonder how long the piquing will continue…

          7. HG Tudor says:

            I remain piqued.

          8. Persephone says:

            I’m adding if you don’t know me by now to the playlist. Oh and Alanis Morrisette. Thx to Clarece, because you are right, I ought to know.

          9. Persephone says:

            My heart actually dropped. Sometimes I wonder if you hacked my computer. Almost always I don’t say anything. I will however fill you in on several things about me personally….even though u give me nothing personal of yourself.
            I have traced my genealogy all the way back to Adam. This is on my maternal side. As is in my file she is English. I am actually related to Clovis. I know he was King of The Merovingians. Thus the scary accuracy of your choice. I know you see me as King of my Game, but I probably would have to use his wife’s name, Clotilde, as I am the Queen in the said Arena.
            The Merovingians….

          10. HG Tudor says:

            You ought to know by now I am everywhere.

          11. Persephone says:

            I’m adding if you don’t know me by now to the playlist. Oh and Alanis Morrisette. Thx to Clarece, because you are right, I ought to know.

          12. Jordyguin says:

            HG Tudor says: – .. Merovingians ? You have piqued my interest.

            How come I continue finding things like this ..!

            Do you have a great deal of knowledge about them? How far back in time? Was your lineage related to the Merovingians?

      2. nikitalondon says:

        It was every single one of the German sentence wrote above ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ … Sorry but I have to be honest.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Ha ha.

          1. Persephone says:

            Damn appliances.

    3. Jaded, it should be “J’ai chaud” clearly, but then again, French has so many rules.

      I am fluently bilingual and in fact, French was my first language growing up and I still mix things up from time to time.

      I find language aggravating and annoying at times. :/

      1. 1jaded1 says:

        Lots of rules. I guess her point was that she didn’t want a bunch of 13 year olds running around a foreign country yelling, “I want sex” or some derivative. I’m hardly fluent, but some things stick with.

        It is an annoying and beautiful language.

      2. nikitalondon says:

        Me too B&T sometimes I make mixtured of Spanish, French, German and English.. ๐Ÿ˜–๐Ÿ˜–๐Ÿ˜–

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are a talented linguist Nikita.

          1. nikitalondon says:

            ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ƒ thankyou ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ƒ can teach you when you want.. You learn Spanish and I improve my English towards a British directiom.. Because sometiems I aint understanding when you guys talk ..

          2. HG Tudor says:

            I actually require your Spanish expertise for something. I will drop you a message.

          3. Persephone says:

            Surely you meant cunning linguist as you are a master debater n’est pas?

          4. HG Tudor says:

            I was leaving that one for you to drive down the fairway.

          5. Persephone says:

            Thank you kind sir.

          6. HG Tudor says:

            You are welcome.

        2. I think it`s fantastic you can speak so many languages, Nikita!

  5. I despise being sick and employ numerous regimens to prevent it from happening. When it does happen it agitates me to no end, especially if it happens through no fault of my own.

    I also use illness to prove my superiority to others when it suits me. I could be on my death bed and often I will still go to work or work from home to show everyone what it takes to get the job done. There is no rest for the wicked, so to speak.

    It then makes it nearly impossible for anyone to come to me and ask for time off or call in sick because I can say, “Hmmm well I suffered with (insert illness) and I didn’t take time off. If you really can’t come in that’s fine, but you ought to remember there are those in this company who will do what it takes to ensure the job gets done….no matter what.”

    1. nikitalondon says:

      Hi BT thanks God you are not my boss ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚. I am also like you hate being sick and unless really extremely sick stay in bed.. But I do have terrible hay fever.. That I am sure you would not inderstand.. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

      1. Hi Nikita. No you would not want to have me as your boss, but, I am a hard worker and dedicated to furthering the causes put in front of me by those who know I am the only woman for the job. And I am.

        You`d be surprised to learn that I do understand what hay fever is because I suffer from it in July.

        Have you ever tried zinc tablets to help with the symptoms? I`ve been taking zinc as a supplement for a few years now and have found my hay fever symptoms have nearly gone away as a result.

        I`m not saying it would work for you, but maybe worth a try and if it brings you some relief, then all the better!

        You have a great week too, Nikita. Take care of yourself and be well.

        1. nikitalondon says:

          Hi B&T. Thanks for the tip :-). I will try it.I get zinc in IV together with Iron because I have iron deficiency. But I will start taking Zinc in December like that I have two months of treatment before Walnut tree and Birch start reproducing themselves. Thanks again and have a nice week.
          PS. I am also a hard worker but I suppose a very different style than you ๐Ÿ˜‰

  6. nikitalondon says:

    I have a terrible migrane today.., a real one., and its hindering me to enjoy the day like I want it to be ๐Ÿค•๐Ÿค•๐Ÿค•

    1. So Sad says:

      (( hugs )) nikita.


      1. nikitalondon says:

        Finally better.. But what really worked and I was skepticaรถ about it was a bag of ice on the head, forhead and temples… Moms recepie

      2. nikitalondon says:

        My message went incomplete.. Thanks SS for your wishes and hugs to you too ๐Ÿ’

        1. Indy says:

          Glad you’re doing better, Nikita! Migraines suck!

        2. So Sad says:

          You’re welcome Nikita:)

          Glad that awful migraines gone xx

  7. So Sad says:

    Me bad HG. ๐Ÿ™

    How could I forget .. Poor lil dharling need full bed rest and an empathy drip for that !!

  8. So Sad says:

    Hahah. That made me laugh HG ..

    Now where to start ..

    Headache = Brain tumor.
    Bad back = Spinal injury.
    Sore eye = Conjunctivitis
    Cough = Asthma. TB . Angina.
    Sneezing/Temperature = Heavy cold. Swine flu. Ebola .
    Bad stomach = Food poisoning ( Usually my fault this one )
    Dead skin on it’s feet = Athletes foot .
    Bad hair day = Seborrheic dermatitis.
    Smelly pee = Urine infection .
    Random spot = acne. Meningitis . Smallpox.

    Okay maybe I’m exaggerating a little ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Don’t forget Manflu !

    2. nikitalondon says:

      This was hilarious!!!! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

    3. twinkletoes says:

      HAHA omg, same here. That and lots of twisted ankles (you know because he was so FAT they collapsed under his weight). Good one ๐Ÿ˜€

      1. So Sad says:

        Hey Twinkletoes !! ๐Ÿ™‚

        I bet when he looked in the mirror he thought he was gods gift to women though .. The OBESE version ..

        How did he like sex .. Sumo Style Hahah.

        Actually being fat does have it’s advantages .

        High blood pressure.
        High cholesterol and
        Heart disease

        If only you’d know then what you know , ya could’ve fed him another pie lol x

        1. HG Tudor says:

          So Sad, that’s not very empathic! Are you after a Narc Club membership?

          1. So Sad says:

            Narc Club membership HG ? How could you!! Naughty !!!

            Actually …
            My therapist said that to achieve inner we should finish things we started and we would all have more calm in our lives. I looked around my house to find things Iโ€™d started and hadnโ€™t finished. So I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bottle of Baileyโ€™s, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiuminun scriptins, an, an a boss a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how fablus I feel rite now. ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Ha ha brilliant. You sound like Bridget Jones.

          3. So Sad says:

            * Inner peace .. Doh !!

  9. peaches36936 says:

    I have a couple more examples I need to ask you about HG. For awhile the mid/low range victim narc I know well was angry at me that he had cancer and I did not. I finally just told him I think I have cancer too. It appeased him to know that I thought I had cancer which I dont but I had to see if my cancer would make him feel more in control or something weird ?? ;). It did. He smiled. So dramatic right now.
    The drama in front of everyone is way out there too. It makes people feel sick to their stomach. A demonstration of all the gore chemo and radiation provide for people who visit him. It’s disgusting behavior even for a sick person. Yuck.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      His outlook is that the world is a cruel and hateful place. The fact you didn’t have cancer and he did is a perceived criticism. You are deemed better than him by not having cancer. When you said you had it too, he felt that criticism become alleviated. Hence his reaction.
      The drama is purely for the fuel as you now doubt recognise.

  10. 1jaded1 says:

    I’m looking at buying an HRV…and thinking of changing my plate to HVRVD1 or some variant. Those pesky eyelashes and hangnails. Shall we put the ambulance on speed dial?

    1. 1jaded1 says:

      That commercial is disturbing…btw.

      1. 1jaded1 says:

        PS…hitting below the belt…but you started it with your words my mother could take better care….in monotone…Let me ring your mother up, so I can get lessons…what lessons would she teach me?

    2. Indy says:

      I knew you were good people, I’m a Honda lover and have had Accords, Civics and now love my CRV. Nice plate idea๐Ÿ˜Š you a Harvard grad? Unless I misinterpreted…

      1. 1jaded1 says: not a harvard grad. Not intelligent enough for that. It’s a mush up hybrid acronym. Hoovered1. HRV. Put them together…HVRVD1

        1. Indy says:

          I didn’t go there either, lived for 5 years in Boston so that is where my brain went lol….and, hey, don’t sell yourself short! Nice plate still๐Ÿ˜Š and a cool car.

        2. Indy says:

          Or an anti hoovering plate๐Ÿ˜€ I’m not that clever with plates.

      2. 1jaded1 says:

        NOHVR4U. People might take it as a typo, but we would know the trurh…*wink*

        1. Indy says:

          I like that plate, 1jaded1

      3. 1jaded1 says:


      4. nikitalondon says:

        Me too I have one.. Very pleased with that brand

  11. Indy says:

    Googled it, yes,mpredictable of my kind. Your plate number beats mine. Bows.

  12. centauride12 says:

    That made me laugh Indy. Funnily enough today when I was out driving I noticed the number plate of the car in front of me ended NPD. Made me chuckle and I immediately thought of you HG.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      My number plate reads 3L1t3

      1. Indy says:

        haha 1Jaded1! They are everywhere!!!

        Hmmmm, no clue if Your number has a hidden mean, sow here….my speed is more S8N 3×6. ***wink***

    2. Indy says:

      ***cue Don Hensly’s Boys of Summer*** “out on the road today I saw a big N sticker on a blue Outback. A little voice inside my head say don’t look back…”

    3. Indy says:

      Lol, realized I was responding to you, Centauride, and put the wrong name in below….ever presence at its best!!!!

  13. Wie Gehts Baron Von Munchausen,
    Du Machen Mich Krank.
    Ich steh’ Auf dich…lol
    Frau Schwartz
    *file alert *
    (Mich Sprechen Sie Deutsch)

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Ich bin gut ausgezeichnet.
      Ich machen Sie krank.
      Aber dann bin ich auch die Heilung.
      Sind Sie nun bereit fรผr Ihre Medizin?

      1. Der Kommissar (Falco)
        Bis du habe mein medizin? Du hast Mich verhassen. Warum?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Ich bin deine Medizin.
          Ich hasse Sie nicht. Ich habe kein Bedรผrfnis, dich zu hassen. In der Tat, ganz im Gegenteil.

          1. Wow, really trying my trei jares of hifh school German…..wo ist meine heiรŸe Sprachnachrichten?

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Es werden immer mehr. Auf jeden Fall

          3. Jordyguin says:

            Just when I thought I couldnโ€™t love the archives more, I stumbled upon this geilen german thread lol! Usually itโ€™s just: Ja, Nein, Bier ! But here, itโ€™s a .. how it should beโค๏ธโ€๐Ÿ”ฅ love it!

      2. Bon moi, je ne sais pas comment parler allemand, mais je sais comment parler le franรงais.

        Bien au-delร  de voulez-vous couchez avec moi ce soir….. ๐Ÿ˜‰

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Je peux parler un peu Franรงais. Eh bien, cโ€™est meilleur que mon allemand. Il nโ€™y aura pas de temps ร  dormir, il y a trop de choses ร  faire

          1. Oh, je suis trรจs impressionnรฉ!!!!

            Lorsque vous dormez avec moi, vous n`aurez pas le gout ร  dormir – c’est certain.

            Je vous adore!

          2. Et une Chambre voux deux…lol

  14. Indy says:

    Very accurate, HG and well written. Love the broken eyelash. This is the technique that gets me every time. My weak spot. Being in a healng based field, it is not only my nature but my profession to “do no harm”, and have to remind myself to do none to myself too. Healer heal thy self.

    My ex N would do all these….particularly seeking care for illness and not returning it when I was ill.

    Ok, I can be very corny but wanted to share a random thought of the day that made me realize the utter truth that you and your kind are living rent free in my mind. I was driving around town today and saw a very large N stuck on the bumper of a car. I giggled, thought of the scarlet letter reference made here previously and moved on.

  15. Fool me 1 time says:

    ๐Ÿค’๐Ÿ˜ท๐Ÿค• + ๐Ÿ’‰๐Ÿ’Šโ˜•๏ธ =๐Ÿ˜ƒ

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Previous article

In The Blink of the Eye