Each Victim Is Lying

I must adopt the standpoint that every one of my victims is lying. There is no hope for me to be any different. You level accusations at me and I know you are lying because the comments make no sense to me. I gave you a fabulous and perfect love and you accepted that. You willingly entered into a union with me and with that you received my largesse and favour. You did not demur or hesitate. Instead, you embraced everything wonderful about what I gave you. Be it the expensive gifts, eloquent expressions of my love or the seemingly never-ending array of glamorous occasions to attend, you took them all. Do you have any idea how much energy I channelled into doing this for you? The repeated text messages, the “sudden appearances” which were in fact carefully crafted and organised, the many telephone calls that I made to you at all different times? All of that took a considerable effort on my part. Yet now, when I am tired and I lose my temper you accuse me of not caring. How can I not care? I am with you am I not? Have you forgotten everything that I ever did for you? It seems to me that you have. What was that vow you said with such enthusiasm, for better and for worse? You have had the better (in fact you received the best) and now it is time for some of the worse, yet you will not tolerate that will you? No, it is clear that you lied. You lied when we got married because now you are reneging on that vow. How do you think that makes me feel? Is it any surprise that I am angry with you when you question me since you have no standing to do so?

You accuse me of not listening. That is another lie. What is there for me to hear? You trot out the same old allegations which are unfounded. At times I cannot discern what you are actually saying because you are so hysterical. How on earth can I listen to you when you behave like that? It is downright unreasonable. You go off and complain about me to your friends and family. That is charming. You are denigrating me in their eyes and that is uncalled for. Yes, I may do it about you, but that is with some justification I might add. You also said you would forsake all others, yet how many times have I caught you flirting with other men from your workplace? What about those pictures of you and your friends with those men you met in a bar which were posted on Facebook. You thought I would not see them didn’t you? Yes, I keep a careful eye on what your friends’ post as they are not to be trusted, leading you astray when you promised that you would do not. Is it any wonder I feel compelled to spend time with other people when you treat me like this?

You accepted everything wonderful that I gave you and now when it is time to give back and add some balance to the equation you seek to escape your responsibilities by accusing me of all manner of misdemeanours and malevolent behaviour. Your hypocrisy sticks in my craw. I know your game, I have you in my eye. You are seeking to deflect attention from your own wrongdoing by telling lies about me. Ha! I have you worked out missy, I always have and you are not as smart as me. You deliberately misunderstand what I say. You imply and insinuate when I have made myself clear. I will not be beaten by your mendacity, no I will not. I will stand strong and ensure that I reflect back on to you the lies you have told. I must do this to avoid your desire to crush and destroy my fragile self with your perfidious ways. I never knew you could be so evil.

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55 thoughts on “Each Victim Is Lying”

  1. There is no winning with your kind. NONE. NEVER.
    Are you this way with EVERYONE? I know you say it is only the IP but how can this not spill over to other interactions with people in your life. How does one behave with your kind? Is it best just to walk away from all who are NARCS, even if the relationship is none emotional, meaning not an intimate one of nature.
    What is intimacy to you and your kind?
    Sometimes I read the blog and I shake my head in disbelief.
    I meet people now and I put them through the NARC test in my head.

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    1. It is primarily with the IP because that person is the primary source. Remember that secondary sources enjoy long golden periods because they are part of the façade and they are not relied on as heavily as the primary source, thus their positive fuel remains fresher for longer. There may be times that a secondary source will be devalued but it is far rarer. They either stay in the golden period or are removed and replaced. You can actually get along with some Ns as a secondary or tertiary source because you get the “good side” of us for a long time which is naturally magnetic and engaging, we keep taking the positive fuel and have far less of a need to devalue.

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      1. Do you always have a primary source? How long is the average time of keeping them as your IP. Have you kept track of your cycle of Bomb, devalue, discard?

        I believe at one point you said Narcs do not like being alone. Correct me if I am wrong.

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      2. Do you always have a primary source? How long is the average time of keeping them as your IP. Have you kept track of your cycle of Bomb, devalue, discard?

        Yes that is the aim. I haven’t worked out an average, I would have to sit down and remember and calculate it.
        In terms of the cycle, what do you mean, the time periods for each?

        I believe at one point you said Narcs do not like being alone. Correct me if I am wrong.
        Yes that is correct, we do not like to be alone for too long. I can have period where I am alone because I am fuelled, with no contact with anybody. Other times I don’t need to be physically proximate if I am able to draw fuel through other means, but ultimately proximate fuel is the most fulfilling and hence this is why we do not like to be alone.

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  2. I thought I was going crazy but this one is recycled. Man it is hard to keep track sometimes. I love some of the post and your response to them. You have some funny and interesting followers. I find it most entertaining.

    I sent the link to a friend and I hope she reads and starts to follow. It is her last year for school. Engineering, she already has an art degree. Her ex fits the description of a narc.

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

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  3. All his stuff is here. He took 3 dress shirts and a laptop. What am I suppose to do with all his stuff???? Maddening.

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    1. Arrange for a third party to return it to him. If that is not possible, box it up and put it away out of sight to there is no Ever Presence effect. Tempting as it might be to destroy it and/or sell it, this would be inviting a hoover and the appearance of the authorities which will play into his hands.

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  4. I’m afraid the Narcissist is going to kill me, or get his hateful friends to kill me; they hate me, too. I wonder if I should write a post as a Sticky, letting it known that if I wind up murdered, or my two young-adult sons, that I have written his name, and all his Facebook Friends and Flying Monkeys Names, in many places and told as many people as possible where to find these names of each and every one of his Facebook friends, himself, and his Monkeys…
    Tamara Yancosky Moore

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      1. Thank you. I will if I continue to get messages from his flying monkey “friends”, thru their fake accounts (which is why I cannot block them all).

        You are noble and near perfect upon your wise advice to me; (That is a bit of supply for you for your “kind” response to me… which was carried out, by you, so that another Narc could not have any perceived power greater than your own- which would be nearly impossible because you, indeed, are the most powerful Narcissist to ever live) 🙂 Thank you so much for your reply 🙂 🙂 🙂
        Tamara

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  5. HG
    Have you ever come across an empath that would find your tactics smothering. I would run fast with all the calls and the expensive gifts and travel. It would make me very uncomfortable. I have been asked by my doctors why I never ended up in am abusive relationship. I never new but I can see now. If you were doing all this for me in a few months I would be so far gone. My narc. Must have known this. He was very careful not to scare me off in the first 6 months. I just did not see that then. I look back now and he was already setting the scene for devaluing before I was even sent to that stage. Telling me there may be times he can’t be reached. I was thinking great I don’t want to be tied down. He was really clever.

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    1. No, I have not had that happen because I ensure the person who I seduce is susceptible to such behaviour. If I identify a target that would produce excellent fuel but I gauge (from early exchanges) that love bombing might be counterproductive, the seduction will be applied in a different way. That is evidently what happened in your situation.

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  6. it seems that some of my comments do not get posted. I MUST be doing something wrong.
    My Therapist suggested I move on. She has said this before as she feels I know enough now of the world of the Narc. It is time for me to work on my crap I had before Girl Interrupted Narc style.
    Sad face with the devilish smile.

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      1. Thank you HG, here I thought it was all about us! You mean you have other things going on, like a life? My bad!
        All kidding aside I thought I was doing something wrong with my posting. I post from 3 difference sources, iPhone, laptop, desktop.

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    1. Steeviann,
      You should always be working on your crap first. There is nothing wrong with taking in knowledge as it is the beginning of wisdom. If you’re using narc blog to avoid talking about important self issues then yes, maybe get off. If your using it for entertainment purposes then I don’t see the harm. I would hate to see you go, I quite like you. But If you decide to go, until we meet again.

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      1. Persephone Awh I like you too, OOXOX

        I think she is afraid it will keep him in my frontal lobe. I personally think at times, it is hard to read what HG writes. I have not experienced the full harshness of a Narc.
        I had a guy I liked, said he liked me too wanted to spend his next ten years with me but all of a sudden I was not enough and dumped me for, in my eyes, a not so hot women. FUCKED my ego to the max. I am a very classy, desirable woman and she wears reinforced toe nylons with sandals to go to the Opera House. WTF? So yes my ego was hurt most of all. She needed help financially and I offered retirement for him. If you have not noticed, I do think I am catch.

        I will discuss this with her my next session. I would miss the gang and HG as this has become a daily activity along with checking my FB. I believe I would have HG and Crew withdrawals. It is very humorous at times when we all laugh at ourselves and HG, the good sport that he is, plays along. Gathering minions and fuel. Sometimes I visualize him salivating, running his tongue over his sharp teeth. Frightening.

        As far as me working on my crap, years my lovely, years. I am actually in a very good place with my calmness. Ya know mommy issues.

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  7. Wow, sometimes you scare me. It’s so twisted. The picture with the fiery heart with the word EVIL is what comes to mind when I read some of your blogs. Especially these contradictory ones. Not that they are contradictory to you of course. Every time I even start to think maybe he wasn’t so bad, I make myself look at that image AND keep reading your material. It does the trick every time.

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  8. HG, as Narcs suit the business world well, presumably I must of had business relationships with many over the years, not knowing they were Narcs. I would of only seen their facade. However, what if, having been a victim of a Narc as an Intimate Partner, that partnership being long since over from the victim’s point of view and, as the victim knowing now who you’re dealing with (gleaned from knowledge obtained from sources such as yourself), do you think it is feasible to still have a strictly business relationship between the ex-narc and the ex-victim?

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    1. Hi Hannah, I assume you mean a narc. Yes if they met the relevant criteria for the mental health legislation that governs the sectioning of people in the UK. I imagine however that doing so would be rather difficult because we are experts at presenting ourselves as having no problem, many people are not skilled at identifying what we are (it usually arises not from analysing us but from listening to what other people claim about out behaviour because we rarely submit to therapy etc) and the charm factor will be used to assuage any concerns about our behaviour. So in theory yes, in practice I suspect rarely it happens. I don’t know if there are any statistics available on the types of conditions which resulted in sectioning people over the last few years.

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      1. blockquote, div.yahoo_quoted { margin-left: 0 !important; border-left:1px #715FFA solid !important; padding-left:1ex !important; background-color:white !important; } I’m filing for divorce from my narc, and he’s told me he’s got lots of dates from a dating site ( which I do believe as he’s so good looking)  He has said he would cancel all of them for just half an hour with me and a cup of tea 

        Sent from Yahoo Mail for iPad

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  9. In response to this post I believe it’s a case of ignore the lies being spread, as they have been circulated before during & after! Hopefully the victim will resist defending/justifying the lies, as doing that plays into the narcissists hands. The truth always comes out, to those who choose to see it.

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  10. To be on the end of the accusations, gas lighting, allegations and other verbal abuse, feels extraordinarily difficult and painful. In order to survive this, it’s necessary to clearly understand that these are all the projections of the narc. Once I knew this in myself then I could take it less personally. It wasn’t about me at all. It all belonged to the narc.

    I do understand on one level the, (seems to me), extraordinary paranoia of the narc. And that in itself is difficult to live with day in and day out.

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  11. This actually is a great text. It really describes things happening from a victims perspective brilliantly. I wonder if you would let me use it on my site for it has been something I have been looking for for a long time to analyse it and put the narcissistic point of view next to it and then compare the two. I’d be much obliged…

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      1. can you please tell me if the last paragraph is written from the same perspective as all the previous ones ?
        Thanks !!

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      2. Yes it is. This would not be something that a Lesser of a Mid-Range would write as they would not have the awareness nor the cognitive function. A Greater has this awareness, but it would not be admitted in order to maintain the veneer. This is the inner monologue of a greater talking to his victims and detractors although he would not articulate this to them.

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      3. I have to disagree on this. I don’t think the likability whether a narc would admit to themselves (and so to anyone else) that they are vulnerable or fragile is increasing when they are further up the spectrum. Rather the opposite. The thicker the layer of narcissism around the empty core, the less likely the person is to have any introspective capabilities. The less likely they are to see their true selves.
        I think it is a matter of awareness rather then level of narcissism. And the possibility of true awareness increases when the false self becomes thinner, not thicker.

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      4. I think Ruud we differ on the effects along the spectrum. When I refer to the awareness I am referring to a Greater, a narcissistic sociopath and here the layer of narcissism is not necessarily thicker because there is awareness. Indeed I would suggest the thickness of the narcissism is greater in the Lesser simply because he lacks awareness.

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      5. I see… you put things the other way around, or at least in an order not logical to me. We are actually saying the same then !

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  12. Thank you for that answer HG. Yes, I was not actually loved bombed and had he tried any sex texting it would not have gone over well with me. I was drawn to the brains and the fact there WAS no attention lavished on me. I much preferred to have all subjects about him.
    What a match made in heaven the first 6 months!! What is it about that 6 month mark? Can’t anything last for more then 6 months before the mask starts to fade a bit?
    Can I buy a warranty, replaceable after 6 months. I could just stay in that glorious fake love that gives off sparks of beautiful rainbow colors and monarch butterflies.

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    1. The six months’ mark can and often is exceeded. Maybe it is you SII who causes the problem after six months!
      As for your warranty suggestion maybe you will have to engage in some discard and seduction of your own and switch Ns at the six month point!

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  13. Lol. Oh HG. Thank you for such an observant suggestion. I will ponder this as the fuel I could receive from the lovely hoovers I will have created might be fun.

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