Asking For It
You caught the same train at 8-05 am every day from Monday to Friday. You always sat at a window seat nearest to the door with a seat beside you and a double seat opposite you. You never sat and read the paper. You did not hold a book. You kept your mobile ‘phone in your bag rather than prod and jab at it. You preferred to look at the passing scenery. You preferred to look at your fellow travellers. You told me that the opposite seat was free. You returned my smile.
You shouldn’t have done that.
You said hello on the following day. You smiled again. You engaged in small talk with me and answered my seemingly innocuous questions. You accepted my compliment about your fragrance with modesty and thanks. You told me your name and I told you mine.
You shouldn’t have done that.
You said hello again the day after and the one after that. You smiled at me first this time. You engaged in small talk again but it grew from small to medium as the train left the station. You told me where you worked and what you did. You told me where you used to work. You explained all about your hoped for transfer to another department. You told me about your colleagues and laughed at my remarks about them.
You shouldn’t have done that.
You turned in your seat looking for me as I entered the train. You smiled and the smile was wider. You waved me over and we engaged in conversation. The small talk had been left on the platform. You told me this, you told me that and you told me about the other. I absorbed it all. I told you how your outfit suited you and you told me where you got it from. You told me where you lived. You told me you lived alone.
You shouldn’t have done that.
You looked for me again as you did every day. You always kept a seat for me. Sometimes opposite you. Sometimes beside you. You always had plenty to talk to me about. You showed me your new ‘phone and I saw the Facebook logo. I also memorised your four-digit passcode as you tentatively typed it. You told me that you were going for drinks after work and you told me the bar.
You shouldn’t have done that.
I went to the bar but did not look for you. You came and found me instead. You invited me over. You invited me and my two lieutenants to join you and your colleagues. You introduced me to them and them to me. I made you laugh. I made them laugh. I bought you more drinks. You touched my arm and your touch lingered.
You shouldn’t have done that.
Your privacy settings are not as good as they should be. You placed so much of your life online. You accepted my friend request. You messaged me first that Thursday evening and I messaged back. You messaged again and again so I did so too. You told me about your plans. You told me about your family. You told me about your friends.
You shouldn’t have done that.
You met me for coffee. You answered my questions. You gave me more and more information as our friendship grew. You gave me your telephone number. You told me about your ex. You told me about the one before him. You showed tears in your eyes.
You shouldn’t have done that.
You met me for dinner. You laughed at my jokes. You told me your hopes. You told me your fears. You told me what you liked and I liked it too. You told me where you wanted to travel to and I wanted to travel there too. You looked in my eyes and you allowed me in.
You shouldn’t have done that.
You invited me to the party at your house. You greeted me with delight. You let me into your house. You showed me your books. You showed me your tastes. You showed me your friends and let me entertain them. You showed me my recruits. You poured me a drink and I poured one for you, then another and another. You kept coming to see me as I kept the group in the palm of my hand. You smiled and you laughed and you looked at me with something else, something more in your eyes. You kissed me.
You shouldn’t have done that.
You answered my calls. Each and every one. You talked with me for hours. You answered every one of my messages. You showed excitement. You showed delight. You showed enthusiasm. You accepted the flowers. You rang and thanked me. You accepted the jewellery. You rang squealing with pleasure. You accepted the invitations. You invited me over. You made me dinner. You insisted I stay. You took me to bed.
You shouldn’t have done that.
You thrilled at my notes. You soared at my voicemails. You revelled in my messages. You thanked me for my generosity. You clapped your hands in excitement when I showed you the tickets. You kept asking me to stay. You held on to me all night. You whispered in my ear and told me what you wanted, although I already knew.
You shouldn’t have done that.
You told me to leave a toothbrush. You insured me on your car. You gave me a key. You booked our first holiday together. You introduced me to your family. You introduced me to your boss. You introduced me to him, to her, to everyone. You believed everything I told you.
You shouldn’t have done that.
You gave me your heart and said keep it safe. You told me your plans for us. You told me you loved me though I said it first. You told me nothing like this had happened before.
You shouldn’t have done that.
You made this choice. You let me in. You ignored the red flags. You let my tendrils slide around you. You told me how I had captured your heart and made you a queen. I whispered softly in your ear as you slept in my arms,
“I always do that.”
46 thoughts on “Asking For It”
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Argh I get the train regularly to London when I visit sites, it’s got me thinking because I would sit in that exact seat, and I would look out the window and people watch the whole way. I have spoken to random strangers – I’m not stopping any of that just because of this. Ridiculous.
If I took on board every single thing you said – throughout all of your blogs I’d be a walked on, frayed, demented, weak, petrified, compliant, lifeless, down trodden, empty, tarnished and worn out doormat.
We shouldn’t talk to others about ex Narc, we shouldn’t hold on to mementos (i’ll look back when I’m old and grey and look at my life and the people who were a part of it – that is my design), we shouldn’t leave a digital footprint, we shouldn’t smile at strangers, we shouldn’t laugh with friends in a bar in case we are spotted by your kind. I’m not going to stop living.
No Narc is stealing my sunshine. Ever again.
I know this is written for dramatized purposes and as Clarece said – who wouldn’t do this? So I know the why… it just annoys me. Take my annoyance fuel.
“You answered my calls. Each and every one. You talked with me for hours. You answered every one of my messages. You showed excitement. You showed delight. You showed enthusiasm.”
Damn right i did.You fed on my enthusiasm to temporarily escape all the self loathing you feel in the pit of your being.My genuine laughter silenced the creature’s screams during the golden period.You mirrored my delight by sending rose emoticons on text messages and faking a future with the expertise of a seasoned conman only to break the pedestal I was perched on with a sledge-hammer of infidelity and heartlessness.
I have not forgotten the discard.Nor am I oblivious to your previous hoover attempts.
No contact has fractured your jaw.Your glib mouth will not be able to make false promises for a while to other gullible damsels.And then the jaw will heal.
But your empty core won’t.
Thank you H.G. for this perfectly eloquent, and harshly transparent letter from one of “your kind.”
This spoke to my soul and resonated with me on a level I cannot begin to put into words.
This alone, will be the only ammunition I need in my artillery to never be hoovered.
Susanne
The Unhooverable
You are welcome.
However it begs the question, is the “third man factor ” a personality split? Or a real spiritual being? Also did the narc have similar split but only for the negative?
I have experienced this THIRD MAN FACTOR. Call me crazy but it was a s real as me sitting right here typing this. I had no idea this has a term. But you do know it could be explained away by a scientist or shrink. I prefer the pleasant thought of the former. >
Fun fact for SA….Jack Whites record label is third man records based in Detroit and Nashville. He’s a believer in the 3rd man factor. Maybe you too should swap stories?
This is not interesting at all that this is a name used for a label. Does he state in an interview he has this experience? Perhaps my experience was residual from mushrooms.
Do narcs ever get something like a “third man factor? ” I doubt it
No, not in the sense as it is understood. We have The Creature although it is not at all helpful.
I didn’t do that. The four seater chair is one that I avoid like the plague. The upstairs second level single seat is what I take, unless my train friend is riding with me. Then I ride in the closest double seat next to the door. He arrives at the stop after mine so it’s unlikely anyone else will sit with me. If I must sit in a seat without my train friend, then it is sleep for me. Nope, we will never meet this way. I will never save a seat for you.
Doesn’t mean we can’t meet in another way, but we won’t.
You do make me laugh at times 1jaded.
HG and at times I make your blood boil. It evens out. 😉
Actually you don’t make my blood boil at all.
Good. I don’t intend to.
Marvellous.
🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁
Aww HG This one hit home.
The problem is, based on the words just as they are written, who wouldn’t have done that?
Indeed Clarece.
What if you find someone good? Someone without an opinion who does everything you say? Someone who wont challenge you and obey each one of your wishes? Someone who you dont need to break, because she already is everything you work for to achieve? Someone whose only dream is to serve you? What do you do then?
Attach to them and do not let go.
Bingo! ❤
HG, only your brilliance can answer…how can the detached attach?
Hello Sarah, do you mean how can someone like me who is detached, attach?
Yes you attach to them and do not let go but what you are leaving out HG is that you also get bored of them.
Your type thrive on challenge ‘someone good’ basically means someone who will remain subservient and put up with all the crap your kind can throw at them without complaining, be okay with the silent treatments, disappearances, projection, blocking/unblocking, cheating ect…..
Be honest here, a doormat really is no fun for your type.
Hence the Super Empath
Or….you have been love bombed and someone is just whispering in your ear “i always do that”:)
Oh HG
Have we met ?
Brilliant and spot on as usual
My narc radar on now
Lets go to math class shall we?
Nobody can attach to the Third Man Factor. (Yes it’s a thing, Google it) It is impossible to truly attach to someone who feels only negative emotions. No way to grasp reality with a ghost. Although, easier to slip up if all is revealed, right HG? Secrets and lies build a poor foundation. This is why a Narcissistic relationship is doomed to crumble. Lets do the math……..
Live a lie + strip personality of victim = Stockholm syndrome. Then Stockholm syndrome + confused victim = Broken Woman which makes broken woman + Abusers Hatred of self and his mother = Payback to original perpetrator.
Here we see that abused becomes the abuser to satisfy the need to punish the original perpetrator.
Now, use your notes and Mr. Tudors provided textbooks and then listen to him laugh to himself about how brazen it is to tell people who have been abused all about how he does it and guess what? He never quit abusing. He openly says I am still doing it because I was built that way. I am supposed to abuse. God made me an instrument of abuse. Where would society be without us abusive ones to knock you out of the way to get what we want? To be willing to do whatever abusive things we have to do to climb and claw our way to the top on the backs of the inferior. Oh and if you say something about how we act, you are just jealous so that blankets the problem nicely. The abuser wishes to maintain this formula because it works. Keep reworking the problem but the answer will always be the same….
You + Abuser = Losers.
You + Healthy Relationship = Winners
Bring it Sheep. That’s what the Fox says.
I don’t follow how you suggest that nobody can attach to the Third Man Factor as it seems to me that attachment is the inherent ingredient which grants the Third Man Factor its efficacy. A shipwreck survivor attaches to the Third Man to get through the isolation and challenges, a victim of abuse does it as a coping mechanism.
The third man is a ghost, not reality. It’s not tangible. Solid. I agree that there are coping mechanisms where one would accept negative attention as comforting, however, that type of relationship is not mutually beneficial. If you care for someone, love someone, is it not healthier to love positively? Do not both parties really deserve it to be based on what you really are as a person vs. what image or ghost of your personality you display? Do you agree that people should have a relationship that is completely open? Where you receive love unconditionally without putting up a wall of defense? If you are your true self, completely exposed and someone still loves you with all your Imperfection, approves of you in that raw state, wouldn’t that be a relief? You can be solid and build your house on rock or you can choose a precarious life and build it on sand.
HG I don’t think that’s possible for you.
The last N said to me at one time “quit being so submissive”. If someone doesn’t challenge you at all you would become bored quickly.
You would rather have a super empath than a codependent? Why? They’ll only escape.
They are both desirable but for different reasons. The SE provides a lot of fuel and validation through conquering someone so strong but yes there is a risk of them escaping (not with me of course, nobody escapes me). The CD is less of a challenge but still provides plenty of fuel and is far less likely to escape. The CD is more attractive to a Lesser of Mid-Range Narcissist.
That made me laugh but it also has made me aware and suspicious of everyone that I make small talk with. I was too naive and trusting before. I have recognized now that there are some people that I shouldn’t go beyond saying just “hi”. I gave away so much information about myself to people who didn’t need it. I can see how I was prey to your kind HG. Thanks for that lesson.
Indeed it can be the case SW and you are welcome.
Damn you HG lol
I think part of what my issue is with always attracting and being attracted to your type is the fact I have a thing for Alpha Males. Now that I see the red flags and don’t ignore Alphas seem to all have narcissistic traits that I see only getting worse over time.
It is often the case.
Dammit..I don’t think I could date a Beta lol
This post is like a poem! I love it!!! ❤❤❤…got a rythm. .. as I read it my heart started racing faster and faster..my eyes on the letters… spotting mistakes(?)I am still making …. faster and faster waiting for the end of the story…how this time dear G. finished His story? Always the same. Yes… we are asking for it but that’s logical, right?
Thank you Maddie.
Do you actually feel resentment towards someone when they do these things because of the tremendous amount of time you invest in being their perfection reflection?
Hi Sarah, no, if they do these things they are complying with my need to ensnare them.
HG, Thank you. I finally got it!!!…I am a little slow in understanding. Do you enjoy the process of ensnarement or not really?
I do,it’s a wonderful thing.