Love Me or Hate, Just Never Ignore Me

I want your love. I want your hate. I want your joy. I want your tears. I want every single emotional ounce that you possess and I want it directed at me. It is easy to understand why anybody would want to be loved because isn’t that what everybody only ever wants to have? To love and be loved. Of course it is. I only ever wanted to be loved and no matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried it was denied to me. Push yourself harder, go further, work harder and you can have it. I was promised that gain repeatedly and I complied. I strove and I toiled and I grafted. I studied, I obeyed, I trained, I ran and I ran fast, I jumped and I jumped higher than anyone else. I tackled, I shot, I pushed, I swam, I wrote, I complied, I answered, I read and I read. I did everything that was ever demanded of me. Does that sound familiar to you? Of course it is. You know what it is like to give your all and it still not be enough. You know what it feels like to keep trying until you feel like you have nothing left to give anymore. Why do you think that we are so effective in extracting that sensation from you? It is because my kind has been schooled in such a technique for so long that it becomes second nature.

Of course I was praised. I was encouraged. I was supported. I was pushed. I was told and instructed and ordered. The plaudits came but there was always the caveat.

“That is an excellent result, next time try for one hundred per cent.”

“Brilliant time but I know you can do it faster. You just need to try harder.”

“It is good but not as good as you can do. You are better than that.”

“Not bad but you will let me down if you do not get to the top of the class.”

Still, although it was conditional praise it was still praise nonetheless and this combined with my endeavours meant that I was never ignored. The achievements accumulated, the prizes were gathered and the accolades were acquired. Upwards, always upwards. Accordingly, your praise and admiration means so much to me. It was always the standard by which I was judged and so it is the same now. I crave the adulation and the passion, that is why I work so hard to cause you to give it to me. I want it, I want to be seen, I want to be recognised and that means I must receive your emotion sodden attention. It does not matter if you are shouting at me or beggin me to stop, so long as it id directed towards me. This is why everything I do is calculated to provide a reaction.

When I am seducing you, you must never ignore me. I have too much invested in your acquisition to lose you to someone of something else. My bombardment of you with messages and attention is to draw you to me, but it is also to ensure that you do not venture somewhere else and I am denied your attention. This is why I will text you and if there is not a prompt response I will text you again, then again, then call you and then turn up at your house. I need to know you are responding to my seduction. I need to control you. There is too much at stake to allow you to ignore me.

Once devaluation begins then I need once more the emotionally charged attention that comes from you weeping, shouting and screaming. It never troubles me in the same way that it troubles you to be shouted at. I require it and all it does is make me feel powerful because I know that I can prompt these responses from you by virtue of my manipulations. I know by saying nothing that you will beg and plead with me to explain what is wrong, hang around me, eyes wide in confusion as you beseech me to tell you what you have done wrong.

I am not fussy about the emotions which you pour my way. Good or bad I will take them all. The bad do admittedly make me feel more powerful but the sweet potency of favourable responses and eyes glowing with admiration are most welcome too. That is one of the reasons I alternate back and forth, making you happy and joyful towards me and then full or woe and anger. The contrast reinforces my omnipotence because I am the puppetmaster. One moment I can make you laugh and then with a flick of the switch I have you in tears. That is power. That is control and this is what emphasises my greatness. Yes, I know you consider such behaviour wrong. I am well aware of that and do not be fooled by any pretence to the contrary. I am fully aware that such behaviour is considered, bad, wrong and evil, according to your values but you ought to know that this game is not being played according to your rules. It is played with mine and I always have to win.

Should you be treacherous and be the bad person that I always suspected you to be and ignore me, then I will provoke you all the more in order to gain my reaction. Few of you realise that this is the aim, at least, not until much later. You are unable to understand this sudden escalation, this switching because of the confusion that you are mired in. I am grateful that this is the case for when you ignore me I begin to crumble. The edifice that I have built up begins to crack, splinter and fracture and I must escape your betrayal and seek out the emotions of others in order to compensate for your seditious behaviour. If I cannot bring your love or hate to the fore, I cannot remain to be ignored, for that is my death sentence and I am not allowing you to sign that warrant. I must be loved for I am worthy of the most perfect love, I must be hated because my works are that of the devil and attract your furious ire. Always look my way, always give me your emotions and never turn your back on me. Do that and all will be well. At least, for me, but then, isn’t this all about me anyway?

150 thoughts on “Love Me or Hate, Just Never Ignore Me

  1. E. B. says:

    Hello HG, would it be right to say that getting fuel is
    a) a way of getting any kind of attention (positive or negative) all the time to avoid **rejection** at all costs? or
    b) is the ultimate purpose of fuel to **control** others?
    c) or both: avoiding feeling rejected and control?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      The purpose of fuel is to power our construct so that we are able to continue to be that which we want the world to see and to keep the creature at bay. Rejection denies us fuel and also wounds us (necessitating more fuel to heal the wound) and controlling others ensures we get our fuel.

      1. E. B. says:

        Thank you so much for your fast reply, HG. The first thing narcissists targeting me do is character assassination to isolate me socially so I guessed that being socially rejected is what people of your kind hurts the most.

        I read in Fuel that the creature is the manifestation of all your fears, flaws and weaknesses. It would be interesting if you could write about this creature more in detail someday when you feel you are able to do it (e.g. how long have you had this creature? Is it your mother’s voice or a kind of inner critic? Why seeing fears, weaknesses and flaws could lead to you annihilation? And if it could lead to a light depression, do you think you would not be able to heal? )

        In your book you write that if your creature escapes from its confines it will eradicate everything you have sought to achieve, that you will be gone and forgotten. It is about your legacy. Well, what you have achieved until now with your books, blog and help (there are certainly other things we do not know about) is much more than many of us have achieved in our whole lives. The information you are providing is priceless and unique. I also agree with people who said that you have helped us more than any therapist. Are you aware of this?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Hello EB,
          The Creature gets its own book such is the information that is required to be shared about this wretch. This work is in progress.
          The pertinent questions you raise in your post will be answered in that book along with more.
          Thank you for your kind comments in your final paragraph. I am aware that people find my work massively helpful and that does indeed please me as it validates my knowledge, skill and writing. I do not do it to help others but if that is a collateral consequence and people are grateful for that, I am pleased for it. I also want more people to know about what I write. I have been told many times that I have helped more than any therapist – hopefully at one point I will be able to place that on the front of my books.

  2. I am from Uppsie-Downsie Land.

  3. SA, your “BOO” scared me so!

    1. SA says:

      Boo! Boo! Not to be confused with HONEY BOOBOO.

      1. Oh, ya. I …I knew that. “Honey BooBoo” scares me.

    2. SA says:

      Shh. It scared me too, don’t tell anyone.

      1. I will not say anything…shhhhh

  4. wpkepkw, funny! (But, not as funny as Sir HG)…

  5. wpkepkw says:

    I’m drunk ha ha ha just kidding lol

  6. wpkepkw says:


    1. HG Tudor says:

      You have fallen asleep on your keyboard.

      1. yancosky says:

        Ha Ha Ha!!! You make me smile, Sir HG!!!

      2. wpkepkw says:


        1. HG Tudor says:

          Is that :-

          1. Gay – happy;
          2. Gay – homosexual; or
          3. Gay – lame

          We await your wisdom.

  7. marijo1245 says:

    Himself craved his mother’s attention so bad that the beatings we OK because it was attention. She would come home from the bar angry, drag his little body out of bed, beat him senseless, and put him back to bed (it was the early 70’s no cared about child abuse and bruises then). To him, this was love.

    1. yancosky says:

      So very sad 🙁

      1. marijo1245 says:

        His story breaks my heart…

    2. SA says:

      OMG. I can’t imagine. I just can not.

  8. yancosky says:

    Strangely, it seems that the women that Narcs choose to love them are the kind of women that will, indeed, shower them with love, adoration, and devotion- a very strong love. Yet, the Narcissists still reject this woman, too. Or, at least, he will continue to look for even more supply while she is giving all her love to the Narcissist. And, her love is so powerful already, but it will still never be enough. It is not enough for the Narcissist, yet almost too strong of a love for the non-Narcissist. And, then where does this woman go? It’s more of a redundant question as I don’t know if anyone really has the answer.

    1. SA says:

      We stay alone.

      1. yancosky says:

        Yes, SA.

    2. Y,
      They want all the love….they have a hole that cannot be filled. They wish it could but they keep trying to fill it from outside instead of from within. The women who love them love them wholeheartedly and true. They just don’t recognize that it is one sided. Keep looking for love, but remember the warnings HG has given you. Err on the side of caution. Use your head instead of heart. The right one is out there.

      1. yancosky says:

        Thank you, Anna BB <3 Yes, I must use my reasoning skills, instead of my emotions, when someone wishes to be in a relationship with me. This, I am learning…the hard way <3

  9. twinkletoes says:

    Thank you. Tubby knows I have a close relative thats dying thats what makes it even worse. I hope he catches fire.

  10. twinkletoes says:

    I achieved my aim, I guess. Psycho saw a new and improved me. I did not even utter his name. Not once. I doubt that post is in reference to me, but it just goes to show you the overall mentality

    I may unload not so nice things here, but at least its anonymously…on a blog he won’t ever visit. I would never behave towards anyone the way he has.

    None of it was real. Damn

    1. SA says:

      Let it flow t toes. >

  11. Twinkletoes says:

    Posted publicly on his social media

    Coincidence? I don’t know, but I think it’s fairly sad coming from a 33 year old. I left him alone, and made amends a year ago. It’s pathological the continued hate. I feel sorry for him. He will always be an emotional 12 year old.

    1. nikitalondon says:

      Twinkletoes … with you sometimes I dont know if to laugh or to cry with you.. or is this a joke? I feel sorry if you really went through all what you tell in this blog.. .. but I am happy for you because you seem strong now !

  12. Twinkletoes says:

    I had steak. Psycho admitted to making some of those “no caller id” calls. I must have blocked him on my phone a long time ago and forgot about it. The idea that he did all this (I.e: some freak who barely knows me) and not Tubby creeps me out. Maybe he was behind that app invite and all that weird fb stuff too. Maybe Tubby really did dump me and never looked back. Do some narcs do that?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      My analysis is that TUBBY and PSYCHO are deliberately team-tagging you so your mind whirls round and round. Proceed with extreme caution TT.

  13. Fool me 1 time says:

    So HG, you would still hurt someone now even if you told them you wouldn’t?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It would depend on whether they gave me reason to have to do so, if they did not, now I would not hurt them.

      1. I am so glad you are back, Mr. Tudor… Really glad to have you back! I am a fan, you know.

  14. 1jaded1 says:

    Broke my heart again.

  15. twinkletoes says:

    What do u think HG? Will it still get back to Tubby? He seems obsessed with this girl (because, of course, she dumped him first)

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Oh yes it will get back to Tubby.

  16. twinkletoes says:

    Had lunch, went well…did as HG instructed me. Psycho never mentioned Tubby at all…he was fixated, rather, on this girl that he is currently devaluing. I’m not sure Tubby has anything to do with this…maybe psycho contacted me for his own purposes (i.e: fishing for a replacement). His friend blocked him.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Perhaps he was leaving a blank canvas in order for you to comment about TUBBY, but you did not so well done.
      What did you have to eat?

  17. mrskmmccoy says:

    H.G—- Do you picture being normal like us “that bad” where trying to do right will make you miserable? Does going to therapy make your kind understand yourselves better whereas you would “want ” to change? Can therapy make your kind develop compassion and actually start to care about hurting others?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I see nothing to be gained in becoming miserable through doing the right thing.
      The therapy is increasing my understanding and awareness, most definitely. As for any appetite for change, that has not yet happened, nor has it caused me to develop compassion or care about whether I hurt anybody else, but it remains a work in progress so we shall have to see what transpires.

      1. SA says:

        WORK WORK WORK……….Rhianna

        Please don’t hurt me. I will kick back. Oh, such fuel.

        Let me serious for a moment HG.
        I am pleased to know you acknowledge the pain you cause. Do you need to feel compassion, so you are able not to cause pain? Could this be an excuse not to stop?
        JUST STOP> This is what I do, even if it is uncomfortable for a moment. Just stop. Be strong little grasshopper.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          If I could feel compassion I suspect that I would be more likely to reconsider those actions which result in the causing of pain.

          1. SA says:

            KNOWING you cause pain and that it is wrong. Can you try to not behave in this manor that causes pain. I guess I can liken it to my sister-in-law who is diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic, she can’t stop the voices even though she understands it is not really there. OR does she? Haldol and Lithium for over 30 years, she has no mind now.


          2. HG Tudor says:

            Yes it is wrong but I do not care because I have not been built to care. If I cared I could not do what I must do. The pain generated is collateral to my aims.

          3. yancosky says:

            Sir HG, can you not learn to care? But, you do not wish to care even if you had the capacity to learn to do so? Caring sometimes really hurts.

          4. HG Tudor says:

            The price for caring is what though Yancosky?

          5. I will tell you very soon when I am back on my computer. Soon.

          6. yancosky says:

            You would. Yes. You do not feel pain? If you cannot feel pain, how can you understand someone else’s pain? Or, perhaps you know pain, but only in limited degrees… I do not exactly know what you do, or do not, feel.

          7. HG Tudor says:

            I do not feel pain in the way you do, but I feel it when criticised, it is awful.

          8. Yes, pain is so very awful, indeed. The pain you feel when you are criticized (if it is Very, Very awful), is the pain we feel when we are hurt by Narcissists. It is also painful to emphasize with others, Dear HG, but the rewards are that you will also feel others’ love for you, greatly. This love is beautiful; more so than I can explain. And, instead of seeking fuel from outside sources, which undermine your personal relationship, you would find your one Special One to be more than enough. Love is Not boring, at all. It is wonderful and exciting! As fuel is everything to you, love is everything to us. I will do almost anything for love, except purposely inflict pain onto others, though I have come close to doing so, for Love. When one feels love, they do not need negative fuel, because love is enough. Love is more than enough, which is the reason why we get hooked into relationships with a Narcissist. We want that love, like you want your fuel. (Because I cannot structure this into paragraphs while on my phone as I like to do, I hope I am making sense). There is so much more I could write on this subject for you; so much more.

      2. yancosky says:

        🙁 🙂

  18. Twinkletoes says:

    Oh but HG I want to be split white, again, so I can drop him on his head…But I suppose getting him to hit head at Tesco is enough

    1. HG Tudor says:

      How can you drop him on his head TT when you would not be able to lift Tubby up, unless you can bench some serious weight?

      1. SA says:

        She can trip him. >

      2. Leilani says:

        HG, so weight is all she would need? Can’t help in that arena, I’m only @ 105pnds.

    2. Leilani says:

      Hello Twinkletoes, your stories fascinate me.

  19. Jules says:

    Hi HG. I think i have this right. Correct me if im wrong. The difference between a psychopath and sociopath is a psycho is born that way regardless of upbringing and a sociopath is bred this way due to up bringing. But end of day they are the same. But whats the difference between them and a narcissist pls ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hi Jules, I believe that is one difference. I usually refer to the fact that a psychopath does not know the difference between right and wrong. A sociopath does but we do not care. The difference between a narcissist and sociopath? They are at different points on the same spectrum. Have a read of my article here

      1. Jules says:

        Thank u. Thats was very helpful.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are most welcome.

  20. Lisa says:

    Hi HG, have you been on holiday !! One of the ladies posting mentioned lack of empathy can be picked up on a scan ? Is this correct ? Is there evidence to show that ? Would that be proof that it is genetic ? Thank you Lisa

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Lisa, no I have been away working but it necessitated me being incommunicado. I do not know one way or the other concerning the comment about the scan. It is not something I have come across previously.

    2. Lisa,
      There is an article about this. Search neuroscience and empathy psychology today October 2013.

      1. SA says:

        HG, there are many articles by other publications also. GOOGLE will have plenty. I do not believe that it would have to be Genetic for the activity in the brain to show lack of empathy. Our brains get rewired so to speak when you become addicted to a drug. It will fire differently. Why not for other influences or lack thereof. I am not a scientist, but I play one on TV. (JK, this was an actually commercial in the states) It is my understanding that this could be the case in what I have read. >

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I agree with your point re genetics.

        2. I think you cultivate empathy by
          1. Listening. You hear and comprehend what people say.
          2. Observing. You watch their reactions to the things they are speaking about.
          3. imagining. This is crucial step. You imagine what that person’s experience feels like. You imagine what you would do in that situation.
          Empathy is putting yourself in another’s position. So basically by doing what HG does in this forum, he is honing his empathy skills. We are doing the same.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Good points but to clarify I am honing my understanding of empathy but I am not feeling the empathy because I cannot.

          2. Would you choose to feel empathy if you could, though, Sir? Or, would you rather not mess with it?

          3. HG Tudor says:

            What would be the cost and consequence of doing so?

          4. This is a very good question, Mr. HG. Their is definitely a cost, but the rewards are exceedingly great. I will broaden my answer to you as soon as I am back on my computer. Cat ate my computer cord, so using cell phone, presently; difficult to expand on comments with cell phone. I need to get a new cord while I am out.

          5. SA says:

            I agree Anna Belle. As I understand the physiology/psychology of the brain, it would take a life time to reverse what has been create. Narcissists/Sociopaths actions, the main topic here, can only manage behavior with no guarantee of being able to actually feel and understand this feeling of what we consider normal emotions. Again, in my understanding, they can recognize someone who is feeling empathy but not feel it themselves.
            Let us hope this is what HG, Good morning HG, wants to work on. Managing his behavior and working to curb the desire to destroy.
            Geez, it is morning here and I was up late. Does this make any sense at all? Where is the coffee!

          6. HG Tudor says:

            Good morning SA, leave the coffee alone, it fucks with your immune system.

          7. SA says:

            Do you only drink herbal tea? As it has more caffeine then coffee.
            This is my only addiction, physically that is.

          8. HG Tudor says:

            I don’t drink coffee and I rarely drink tea.

          9. SA says:

            What do you drink. Holy Water?
            Herbal Tea does not have caffeine. Black and Green tea does.
            I should return the peppermint tea? Oh what could I get for you? I know! Crayola Crayons all in shades of green.

          10. HG Tudor says:

            Peppermint tea is fine. I drink lots of different liquids.

          11. SA says:

            Such as? Why do you play when you can directly answer the question. Of course you drink liquids. You can not drink a solid. But you can swallow a solid. But in this case, do me a solid and please enlighten me with the liquids you let enter your body.
            I do love this game of words.

            Is one Anti-freeze? I hear it is sweet to the taste.

          12. HG Tudor says:

            Mineral water, milk, Vimto, Coca Cola, Pespi, Sprite, a wide range of alcoholic drinks except Stout, although if circumstance dictated it needed to be drunk, I would do so.

          13. SA says:

            Coca Cola, Pepsi, Sprite are not in my home. Maybe once in a blue moon I will order one. 4 times a year.
            Alcohol? Not lately, it ruins the next day for me. I have never been a seasoned drinker. I can partake in blanco Tequila, a good one, 4 shots with water in between. A marvelous high. But it has been two years since I have partaken in this ritual.
            So coffee is my vice. Seems your immune system would be more compromised.
            Are you an Alcoholic? Most are. Functioning Alcoholics.
            Both my parents did not really drink, never saw my father drunk and once my mom was tipsy.

          14. HG Tudor says:

            No I am not an alcoholic. I enjoy drinking but I enjoy control far more. You will never see me drunk.

          15. SA says:

            I am the same way with alcohol. I just do not like the poison in my blood. It creates to much sugar in my blood and headache for sure. Also I have no sensitivity when I drink. NONE.
            What about soda? This crap is bad on a regular basis.
            I am boring I guess.

          16. HG Tudor says:

            Somehow I expect you are not and you do not think that really either.

          17. SA says:

            I can be whatever I need to be when I need to be whatever it is I need to be.

          18. yancosky says:

            SA, red wine gives me terrible headaches.

          19. SA says:

            I get a stuffy nose. I do enjoy white here and there. I would rather eat my calories.

          20. yancosky says:

            I never get drunk even on the rarity that I might have a drink or two. My system is different and I can’t get drunk. If I drink too much, accidentally, then I will just throw-up. I never get drunk.

          21. yancosky says:

            If I drink an alcohol, I like Bailey’s Irish Creme, or Lime Drink with Salt on edge of glass.

          22. yancosky says:

            Thank you for sharing this with us, Sir Tudor.

          23. yancosky says:


          24. yancosky says:

            I drink herbal tea. I have a very favorite tea; it is called: Sweet & Spicy Herbal Tea. It’s the very best flavor according to me.

          25. You just said f**** in British accent. It sounds a bit more proper that way. Everything sounds lovely with British accent!

        3. Excuse me, HG… could you scoot over just a wee bit… You are a movie star, SA?

          1. Just kidding, of course, HG… No need to scoot over! You scoot over, SA, kay?

          2. SA says:

            LOL Yeah I am a movie star. In my home movies……..not. Never put anything on film.;-)

            No, but I have met a few stars in my day. My fav is Mohamed Ali.


          3. I met some too, but not really a big deal.. they are just regular people, only a bit richer.

          4. SA says:

            It was part of the culture but I agree with you, they put their pants on one leg at a time too. But Ali was different.

          5. I see 🙂 That’s neat.

          6. SA says:

            I agree, they put their pants on one leg at a time too. But Ali was different. The only other performer that floats my boat and I become star struck is Jackson Brown. I got my bucket list hug from him. Yes, this was on the list! Ticked off.

          7. This is cool, SA. Are you in US? Cool means “proper job”, I think.

          8. SA says:

            Yes, in the US. I am American

          9. SA says:

            Where are you? Cool is a word we use.

          10. SA says:

            No, why would you ask?

          11. Because something in above comment made me think so. I cannot see it now, though, as cat chewed up my computer cord, so now I’m using my cell phone to reply…difficult to see past comments on cell phone.

  21. Maddie says:

    Good morning. I know this wise post from past…the thing is what if someone can’t hate you but You alson don’t let them love You???? What then G.?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I will always let someone love me.

      1. Maddie says:

        Understood x

      2. Aw, that’s so very generous of you, dearest HG. How sweet.

      3. SA says:

        “I love you,” said the spider to the fly.

      4. I love you! (From a faraway distance…Real, real far away).

  22. twinkletoes says:

    Clarification psycho extended the invite. I guess i want at least one of god’s retards to see I am no longer a sniveling mess on the floor. Bad idea?

  23. twinkletoes says:

    HG emergency! I liked something on his fb page, simply for shits and giggles because I was drunk and he messaged me…he is passing through town and wanted to meet for lunch. I don’t think Tubby has anything to do with it, but the last time psycho and I hung out was discard day 15 months ago; Tubby was screaming obscenities at both of us on speakerphone and I was on the floor crying. It was horrible. Gay psycho got blocked too after that for a while. Tubby wont be there but would it get back to Him? How to act accordingly if he brings Tubby up?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It would get back to him.
      The ideal scenario would be to not go to lunch with psycho.
      If you feel you want to, to make a point concerning where you are at now and if you feel strong enough to do it then by all means attend. Talk about yourself. Don’t talk about him. If Tubby is mentioned just change topic and switch to talking about yourself again. Don’t even say I don’t want to talk about him. You need to act as if you have now been programmed so that if his name is mentioned etc you just do not hear it, as if it is edited our for you, like bleeping over swearing on a TV show. This way you provide no reaction at all and all that is fed back to him is that you talked about your life and nothing to do with his. It will infuriate him and he will get no fuel.

      1. Twinkletoes says:

        I was programmed by the best, what can I say 🙂

        Hey what reaction would being infuriated produce? He already calls me and farts into the phone.

        1. HG Tudor says:


          I should imagine a combination of profanities, shouting and flatulence.

        2. Now that’s high class

      2. 1jaded1 says:


    2. alexis2015s says:

      He farts into the phone !! Seriously ! Omg that has to be the funniest thing I’ve heard – and not in a good way. Thanks for sharing

      1. 1jaded1 says:

        Gross. N2 went to the bathroom while talking on rhe phone. I’d ask who does that?. But so many people do.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Such impolite and vulgar behaviour.

          1. For sure, HG. For sure. Incomprehensible to say the very least. Ugh.

  24. love says:

    Isn’t silence an emotion?
    Does it not convey the sadness, pain, and devastation?
    If someone did not love or hate you – then why would they be silent?
    A stranger in the street will always respond to you.
    Isn’t the silence proof of your magnificent handiwork?
    You have destroyed this person to the point that they cannot and will not talk to you.
    I’m surprised you do not obtain fuel from it.
    You are never ignored by our kind.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      If silence is joined with a pained expression or tears, or eyes filled with hope, then yes there is emotion but silence in itself Love is not an emotion. It is a barren wilderness that serves no purpose to me and my kind.
      If the cumulative effect of my machinations is to achieve a numbed silence which is devoid of emotion then the appliance has malfunctioned and must be cast aside and replaced.

      1. love says:

        Yes, it is a nuisance when an appliance has malfunctioned. Do they work better after you pick them back up from the repair shop? (aka post discard). Or are they never comparable with the new appliance? Isn’t it said that newer appliances really don’t last as long as they used to?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          They seem to work rather well again but it does not last long and they have to be repaired again. Fortunately there are plenty of shiny replacements available in the meanwhile. interestingly, if I want to, I can find something good about the old appliance to make the new appliance try harder and vice versa. I believe they call it triangulation.
          I understand your final point. Sometimes I wonder if there is a built in obsolescence with newer models but an empirical analysis shows that some have lasted longer than older ones.

    2. Alice says:

      Excellent point! I always thought that emotional abuse that forces a other person to totally shut down and even
      go no contact (for self-protection) was an act of killing something in that other person.

      I went no contact because every contact would inevitably lead to more hurt, confusion, chaos and turmoil. This alone was a uniquely heart-shattering experience! Why is it not possible to interact like two human beings? How can someone be so inconsistent, erratic and simply not care?

      There is no way to speak to someone who only hears himself.

      That means total, consistent radio silence is the only way to break the cycle. This is crippling at first and it HURTS so much (because it does not reflect what we are, nor how we want to interact with someone we feel so attached to) – but it is the only option to get out and express our feelings without immediately getting caught in the cycle again.

      The good news is: The crippling hurt and despair lessens, fades and even totally passes away when you stick to no or minimal contact, doing the inner work and shifting the focus back onto ourselves. It’s been two years post break up this week, and I am totally free now – no more emotional charge when I see him on TV screen.

      I am eternally thankful to anybody who provided me with support and a safe space for voicing my emotions and experience those last two years. Huge credits go to HG of course. Thanks Henry! 😘

      1. love says:

        Alice, your words are inspiring. Congratulations on finally being free.

  25. SA says:

    How about I love to hate you and I hate to love you? Paradoxical predicament wouldn’t you say. Shhh quite please.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      That works.

    2. I like contrast

  26. SA says:

    I will not pretend I begin to understand behaviour. I can only SMH.
    I like a quiet home most times. The need for Narcs to have explosive emotions tells me I will be very safe from one in the future. I would just shut one out or off. When anyone wants to engage in any conflict, I just say you are right, I am wrong. Let’s move on.

    Can we just not speak?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I will shout if I deem it necessary. I find the cool, calm threat and suggestion of that explosion to far more elegant and effective.
      Like using a silk scarf rather than a wire garrotte.

      1. SA says:

        This again heightens my senses. It is the threat that is exciting. I would become aroused. Like before the battle. I would spring into action as soon as I got through the front door. I would pounce, and I would be growling.

        1. HG Tudor says:


      2. But, of course. Or, a purple velvet hammer as opposed to a traditional crow-bar …for construction purposes.

  27. RMG says:

    That brought back memories, I could not do enough, AP classes, top of my class etc. I hate being in the spotlight you can keep that, hell let me help you stay in there if it means I can stay out of it. I do wonder why I never chose the path you did HG. Not just for this but from what I have gathered from reading your books and blogs.
    Life has been an interesting rollercoaster from hell for me. Yet it’s mine, and I will keep it!

  28. Snow White says:

    You tried everything you could have to gain your mother’s love and approval. You deserved unconditional love then and you still are worthy of that. There is lots to think about in that post. It is interesting to see how your mother’s critique of you shaped your behaviors. I think about how I encouraged my daughter to do her best but never pushed her. I told her I would always love her even when she made a mistake. I wish you had experienced some of that.
    I think about how being ignored feels and it feels terrible. I remember being ignored by someone I wanted to be a part of my life very much but no matter what I did I was never able to win the affection and love that I desired. It was devastating. That was in my teens. You carry these memories for life. I do enjoy seeing things from your perspective HG.

  29. Teresa says:

    That was informative

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Teresa.

  30. Cara says:

    I also heard a lot of “you can do better” (it was one of the nicest things my mother said to me). And I tried hard to win her approval, even after I realized I’d never be good enough for her to approve of anything I do.

    But she taught me well. Every time she referred to give me her approval, every time she judged me as not good enough for whatever arbitrary reason, she was teaching me to do likewise to others.

    1. Cara,
      Mine did the same thing only I went the other way and thought that’s exactly who I never want to be. Stay as far away from that as possible. This truly is a fine example of how ones perception shapes what we become. I felt like I was beating her and maybe you joined her?

      1. Caprice says:

        Oh, I didn’t read your comment before I wrote mine.
        You are very brave, Anna Belle.
        Also I promise myself to never, ever act like my mom.
        Should I really throw garbage on the street just because others do it too? No!

    2. Caprice says:

      My mom did the same to me. I am the scapegoat. I am the one responsible for my younger sisters and also am I responsible for momma not having any money to provide the good life my sisters need. Being the eldest means you become an adult at very young age while the youngest remain “children”. Also I have experienced many of momma’s jealousy when it comes to Dad. She cannot handle that he loves me and went no contact with her. Yelling, beating, boycott, stealing, lying, silent treatment and many more things happened in order to punish me because of that.

      I do not consider my mom as a narc though. She is weak and had to deal with a lot BS in her life and Never had some kind of support as being a single mother of 3.
      But that is not the point either.

      My middle sister… Oh that devil! She is a narc for sure and she will never consider to apologize for her entirely malicious actions/words. She would rather kill herself as she has treatened to do so if she is not getting her way. I am afraid she eventually will do it out of revenche.

      I am sure to say that the person who has really suffered emotional, physical or any kind of damadge will not accept another person suffering like that. Unless, this person is a weak piece of turd! People who feel free to destroy other people because they have been destroyed in some case are WEAKEST EVER! They need to take their head out of their butts and face life as it is.

      Have a nice day

  31. Lilly says:

    I think similar could be said from this end of the spectrum too:

    When you ignore me I begin to crumble. I must escape your betrayal. I cannot remain to be ignored, for that is my death sentence and I am not allowing you to sign that warrant. I must be loved, for I am worthy.

  32. Fool me 1 time says:

    Always one or the other! Why are you texting me so much! Stop! I would stop then it was, why are you not texting me?? Back and forth it would go! I am really glad to be done with all of that! I love the fact that I now know ( thanks to you HG) that ignoring him drives him mad!! But I found something that gets him going even more then that! Ha, ha! If I’m talking to someone at work and he comes over and starts talking, I end the conversation I’m having with the other person by saying oh I have something I have to take care of, excuse me and I walk away without even acknowledging he was there!! I can feel the fury!! lol. I love it!!! Who knew by doing so little he would get so distraught!! Thank you sir HG!! I don’t know how I will ever repay you?? Xxx

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I am sure I will think of something.

  33. April says:

    I don’t know what to say!! Every post is my life. Many are word for word. I wish I would have known of such things before. My life us in such turmoil. I’m just grateful I found these posts. No books, articles or counselors come close to describing what this is like.

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