Terrible Trio

1. There is me. I am the fire.

All through your involvement with my kind you will be worked into a triangle. There will be one major triangle, smaller triangles, intersecting triangles and then triangles within triangles. Many people know to look out for our cycle of narcissistic behaviour but they do not always realise that our favourite shape is a triangle.

I am at the apex of this triangle. A fitting place of course since I naturally must be at the top. I am the conductor, the orchestrator of this triangle and I decide who fits within at also the roles that the unwitting participants have been prescribed. I am the fire in this triangle, for without me the triangle will not operate. I provide the ignition through my flames but without the other two parts my flames will soon be extinguished. The other members of this triangle are important though of course they are not as important as me, but you know that by now.

As head of the triangle I get to decide who does what. I often begin by assuming the mantle of victim. I have been sorely done to by another and I need to be rescued from their horrible and harmful behaviour. Of course this is all manufactured but because my route to you is direct and seductive, you will listen to me. You will feel sorry for my situation because as an empathic person this is what you do best. You hear my story and accept it without condition or question. I choose to be the victim in the initial triangle in order to draw you in.

As time goes on I no longer wish to be the victim because, well, I never was. I prefer to become the dominant force inside the triangle and assume my rightful position as the aggressive perpetrator but such is the brilliance of my ruse, you will be spending all of your time looking sympathetically at me, thinking I am the victim, whilst casting aspersions at The Other, thinking that she is the perpetrator. My powers of illusion are significant and extensive and they are at work here.

2. There is you. You are the fuel.

Next comes you at the base of the triangle, beneath me and level with The Other. This is the rightful order of things. Your role in this triangle is at first to be the rescuer. You are kind, honest and caring and I want those attributes directed towards me, hence my tale of my terrible treatment at the hands of The Other. Like some fairy godmother or white knight, you arrive in order to save me from this fabricated menace. Only you can save me and my gratitude and false love gushes forth in order to ensnare you further. You may ride in as a rescuer but it will not be long before I change your role to that of victim. I pass my mantle onto you. Of course I have blinded you with my seduction techniques and also distracted you with the malice of The Other so that you do not notice this sleight of hand. You are too busy keeping The Other at bay, preventing him or her from hurting me further. Yet, as time goes on, I stop speaking of them in such harsh and accusing tones and instead I begin to sing their praises. What has happened? Surely they are the perpetrator and they should be avoided at all costs? Why am I spending time with them again and not you? Why am I comparing them to you and doing so in a favourable fashion towards them? This makes no sense. Whilst you were so busy keeping this apparent troublemaker away from our blissful kingdom I have removed your mantle of victim and this time made you the perpetrator, awful and nasty savage that you are. Throughout these changing labels there is one constant however, you provide me with fuel. From the praise, to the caring tenderness, to the bewildered confusion. Your fuel is offered up in order to keep my flames burning.

3. The Other. She is the air.

She begins as the perpetrator to allow you to rescue, a crazed harridan who made my life hell. Keep her away from me, do not believe anything she says, she is dangerous, poisonous and thank goodness I have you to keep her at bay. Stay with me and protect me. Just like a furnace it cannot operate with just flame and fuel, there must be air in order to fan the flames so that I can consume the fuel. Thus she is admitted into our dynamic and she completes our triangle, occupying a lower berth just like you. It is not long however before she becomes the victim of your repeated assaults and slanders as you fight to keep her at bay. Your consternation increases and you grow into the role of perpetrator as you become confused at the attention I provide to her as she becomes the victim and I her rescuer. At the same time I am telling her of the horrible treatment you subject me to (does this sound familiar at all?) and she is sympathetic to my situation. She rescues me as I return to victim once more as you remain the nasty perpetrator. The Other can see this for your efforts to prevent her from becoming close to me again convince her of your evil nature. Why else would you behave as you do? It cannot be anything to do with your desire to save you and I could it? It is nothing to do with the fact that you are completely confused as to what is going on, is it? The Other is taken in by my false apologies and my admission that I was misled by you as you promised me the world but delivered nothing. Her air escalates the intensity of the heat and the flames climb higher as flame, fuel and air combine to create a conflagration.

I sit at the apex of this arrangement, easily moving the titles of Victim, Perpetrator and Rescuer between us all, back and forth the titles go as this triangle continues, a perplexing and shifting state of affairs. I am the puppetmaster and both You and The Other are dancing to my tune as I triangulate you in order to gain what I require.

17 thoughts on “Terrible Trio

  1. Leilani says:

    Hello HG and by the way, I like this post especially #2. Isn’t Fuel just the ultimate? I tried to order Sex and the narcissist online however, I was unable to locate it since my minions had a hard time but ordered 6 or 7 of your paperbacks a few minutes ago per my instructions. Sex and the Narcissist was no where in sight as paperback but then I thought.. I know all about it already from experience but still this book is much needed to be given to the committee. Let me know….no worries, your delicious apple is still my primary.

      1. Leilani says:

        Excellent HG, thank you. I will wiggle my way into it when in order.

        1. HG Tudor says:


  2. Reblogged this on narcmagnet69x96 and commented:
    If you have encountered a #lying #cheating or #abusive relationship and feel yourself wondering why or what happened?Author HG Tudor blogs with creative expression to help you Learn to Understand #narcissism.

  3. Snow White says:

    Hi HG, I will never be able to think of a triangle the same again. I always liked triangles and as a preschool teacher looking at shapes everyday I will now think of you. Lol.
    I realized that I was in the triangulation from day one to the end. It never stops and it never would have. I’m glad I’m not dancing anymore. Thanks to you

  4. Maddie says:

    Having the knowledge now dear G. I observe my narc friend trying to triangulate me with others with the smile and thought of You!

  5. Yes, I’ve just been wondering lately if the Lt is actually the Narcissist and the Narcissist is the Lt.

  6. nikitalondon says:

    Its very common that this happens in any type of relationship with a narcissist . Friend, family whatever and infact a common denominater.. very well described

  7. all the time i was going through it, Grey came to my mind. Its amazing.

  8. Shani says:

    I have a ex narc, he was abusive as well as controlling, we have 2 kids so my only contact is for them. He has a partner living with him. He still sends me random meaningless crap. Why does he do this? I ignore it every time but it’s been 3 yrs. Also he tells my kids his gf is the lodger, she’s not. What’s he thinking when he says that?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      He does it because these are hoovers Shani which are designed to try and provoke a response from you.
      He tells the children that his gf is the lodger because in his mind that is all she is, she can be turfed out and discarded without a backward’s glance but it is also done by him to control the children by having them think that there is nobody else they need to direct their emotional attention to that matters, thus he gets their fuel for himself.

  9. Leilani says:

    This is excellent HG!

    1. #CJ7# says:

      Hey Leilani…….

      Im sorry i havent gotten back to you for a few weeks….. havent been in exactly what you would consider great shape lol!!!

      How are you doing???

      Whats been happening on the world or work and play and LOTS of fools and drool??? Hahaha 😉

      How is it coming along with find alternates to fools and droo??

      I hope this finds you happy and well!! 😃 xx

      1. Leilani says:

        Hello CJ, I am doing well and thank you for your kind greeting. You still make me laugh with the fool and drool. Unfortunately, one drool came into the 6th sphere but is staying on such a way of conviction for no contact. This one must be punished as always. Luckily, I have secondary appliances. As far as alternatives, they seem to be off and on for the matter though your therapists would encourage you to face the past- I’d rather go skydiving. Spoiled is Spoiled. No Boundary is no boundary. Witnessed verbal abused and scape goats amongst siblings, it is what it is..what else is there to face really. Yes, work is well but need more play. I appreciate your high positive spirit. “…haven’t been exactly what you would consider great shape.”? How do you mean?

  10. RMG says:

    Hmm I just happen to be listening to Breaking Benjamin Dance with the Devil when I decided to read this.

  11. Cara says:

    I was going to say, “I am the bullet in the gun, AND I CONTROL YOU”, but that’s from a Nine Inch Nails song.

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