To Have and to Hold



 Image result for picture of married couple on wedding cake

We marry. Sometimes we keep dangling the carrot of matrimony for the purposes of future-faking and keeping a primary source interested and working hard to keep our favour. Other times it happens quickly in that whirlwind of the narcissistic seduction for the purposes of ensuring that you are bound to us as tightly and quickly as possible so we have the comfort and satisfaction that you, as our wonderful new primary source, are firmly embedded and attached to us. A swift engagement with the wedding following hard on the heels. It is customary move of our kind to enter into a marriage. We give the appearance of being utterly devoted to you, smitten and with our love bombing and repeated protestations of love and desire it is little wonder that the victim readily says “yes” and has the engagement ring slipped on her finger and the planning for the wedding itself happens minutes later. Marriage is important to the narcissist. Not the actual institution, although we will make a great show of emphasising just how important it is, what it means to us and how we could not wait to get married. All good material for ensnaring the victim and maintaining the façade.

When that day comes, what goes through the mind of the narcissist when he or she is stood before the altar, in a registry office or atop a cliff overlooking the sea in a civil ceremony? What is the narcissist thinking about as the priest or registrar conducts the ceremony? What thoughts percolate through the mind of our kind with the guests all stood behind us, staring in rapt attention and admiration, smiles plastered across faces and the occasional tear trickling from the eye of the emotional onlooker? What are we considering as the hymns are sung, the readings are read and the service proceeds? I shall endeavour to tell you, from the perspective of a male narcissist by reference to a traditional ceremony. Bride and groom are stood side by side, excited smiles exchanged and eventually the vows are reached.

“I HG Tudor, take you Victoria Tim, to be my lawfully wedded wife.”

I chose her. I chose her above all of the others. She looks amazing but then so she should, for me. I knew she would look so beautiful and all these people gathered here will be looking at her and thinking how beautiful she looks and how lucky I am to have married her. There was no luck involved of course. I planned this and it made perfect sense to marry so she is bound to me now. I don’t mind them all looking because although they might be looking at her, I chose her, so their admiration of her, is actually admiration of me. I am looking forward to walking down the aisle with her. So many faces and all looking at us. I can barely keep still as it is now, knowing that so many hundred pairs of eyes are fixed on my back, watching us. This is brilliant. I should get married every week. The whole day is about us, but I know it is all down to me. I chose her. I drew her to me. I am the one that created this wonderful union and I get to spend the entire day basking in the glorious attention and well-wishes of the congregation and wedding guests. Even more of them will turn up for the evening reception. So many guests, but that is what comes of being so popular. I wonder if the Predecessor Primary Source, what was her name again, Wendy, that’s it, I wonder if she turned up. She accepted the invitation. Not that Victoria knows she is a former girlfriend but the pained look and frozen smile that I am expecting from Wendy will give me an extra special boost.

“to have to hold”

Oh she is mine alright and I want to make her happy because then she will make me happy. I do think I have got it right this time. Everything seems so right about her. She lies everything that I like. She is so helpful and caring, I picked very carefully after the disappointment of the others, like Wendy and so on. I should have invited some of the others actually. That would have been very entertaining to see their faces when I walked down the aisle with my beautiful wife. My wife. Mine. She belongs to me alright and this time it is going to work. I am sure I have selected the right one. I have her and I will have her time and time again. I know how to delight her and she responds magnificently to my touch. Well, to be honest, they all usually do, but this one, more so than the others. Another reason I chose her. Yes, she is mine to have and I am always going to hold on to her. I treat her well. I really do. That’s because I adore her. There are so many reasons why I do. She is clever, she is witty, she is beautiful, she looks after me, she understands what I need. I know that to be the case. This is why I chose her and this is why I married her. You don’t let someone this good wriggle free, so I will indeed have her and hold her Mr Priest, I will hold on to her very tightly indeed.

“from this day forward, for better, for worse”

There will be plenty of better because that is what she and I are about. We fit together so perfectly. My soulmate. I deserve her and she is delighted to have me as her new husband, I know because she has talked of little else since the engagement. It was quick but so what, you snooze, you lose as the saying goes. Yes, lots of better, we are so fortunate to have what we have, more than most people, but then we are not the ordinary people. I know I have elevated her, but she has accepted that with good grace and enthusiasm, just as I thought she would. She will do as she is told. I was pleased she didn’t go in for that modern rubbish of excluding her vow to honour and obey. If she had resisted that, well, there would have been a problem. I know some couples both say it to one another but I am traditionalist. I wear the trousers. Of course I will honour her, she knows that, but I do not need to say it, besides, I decide what I do, not some vows. Don’t get me wrong, I intend to stick to them, but if something happens, well, I have to do what is right for me. I am hoping she keeps giving me what I need and that day does not come, but if she does mess up, I don’t think she will, but let’s just say for the sake of discussion and argument that she does mess up, well I will ensure I have other options. I mean, she will be a grade A idiot if she does that, after all, she is getting a great deal with me, but you can’t be a fool and rule it out. Not after what I have seen with the other ones. I do think she is different so fingers-crossed we will not have to go down that route. So, yes I intend to honour her. Obey? You can fuck that sky high! I do what I want. I am the doer, not the done too. Obey? Seriously? That one is for her and believe me she had better fucking comply with it or there will serious repercussions, but hey, I am getting ahead of myself here, I know she will, that is why I chose her. It is important that she does obey me because that way we stand the best chance of happiness and success. If she obeys me, which I know she will, I will keep her happy and not have to do what I have done with the others. Still, let’s not think about that on a day such as this. I don’t have to obey. She will. That is all that matters.

“for richer,”

No problems there El Vicaro, I have wedge and so has she. That box is well and truly ticked. How much longer will this go on for? I think I will have a cheeky peek over my shoulder. That bridesmaid is rather tasty; Natasha isn’t it? Victoria’s friend from university. She is totally wanting some of me. There we are again, that little grin and the bite of the bottom lip. Oh yes. Well too bad Natasha, this isn’t your gig but if it does go tits up, not that it will, I will look you up, of that you can be assured.

“for poorer”

Not going to happen so no concerns about that. Easy to agree with that one man of the cloth. Come on, when are we getting finished, I want to show off the vintage champagne that I bought. That will impress her old man. He loves that kind of thing. There he is, proud as punch that his girl has been chosen by HG here. Let’s give him a wink. He liked that, winked back. You wouldn’t be winking at me like that if you know what I am going to be doing to your daughter tonight. Hell yeah. Must have laughed then, I am getting a sideways glance from the soon-to-be Mrs HG, give her the smile. There we go, melting straight away. Easy.


“in sickness and in health

Bollocks to that matey boy, who do you think I am? Some kind of fucking nursemaid? She gets ill she deals with it and anyway she can go and see the quacks, that’s why I pay private health insurance. Don’t expect me to be arsing around looking after her though, I have other things to get on with. Of course, it is a different proposition for me. I am in rude health, strong as an ox, fine mind and so on. I don’t get ill. Being ill is for the saps and the weaklings, but if I am hurt, I daresay with me it will be something pretty serious if it going to slow me down, then I know she will run around after me. After all, who wouldn’t. I am worth it.

“until death do us part.”

Absolutely right daddio. That’s the only way she is getting away from me, when either her or me shuffles off this mortal coil. This is for life.

87 thoughts on “To Have and to Hold

  1. Geanette says:

    I left a comment on my previous post

  2. Jessica says:

    The inside track of what you were thinking while the rest of us think you are happy and in love… Must be hard to carry on the scenario. I had the same thing asked if me. We were to be in a commitment ceremony as a triad. The ultimate commitment. He was to sign any legal paper work he could. He wanted the fantasy so bad it didn’t matter who he hurt

  3. Smoke says:

    HG. You did mention that you hoover former ex’s from Formal Relationships. What qualifies them as formal? Would they have had to be a primary source? Would it matter how long the formal relationship lasted?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes Smoke, they would have to be a primary source who was either girlfriend, fiancee or wife in my case. It would not matter how long the FR lasted so long as they had been allocated that role.

      1. But they will never make it to primary source or be in a FR ever again?
        So when we are discarded we are only good for toying with for fuel?
        I hate that I pretty much know the answers to those questions but felt like asking anyway.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          No, an initial grand hoover if you have escaped may restore the FR. Even if we have discarded you, we may apply a benign follow up hoover to draw you back in and resurrect the FR. Of course in both instances we are only doing it for the fuel. If the FR is not re-instated we will look to apply both benign and malign FUHs where appropriate to gain fuel and treat you as an ex-IP secondary source.

      2. HG, so you know my situation with the visits being in my home. I don’t really want my son subjected to hostility for the next year. So my question: if I am just nice to him does that provide fuel? Can I just be my nice self but deflect any hoovers and not supply fuel? It’s not good for me to take revenge, it makes me feel too much like him. My heart feels ugly when I’m rude and mean to him. I just don’t want him to think he still has me if I’m being nice. I know it’ll never be possible for us to be friends and coparent but I have to find a way to save my sanity and not turn into an evil person myself.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Indeed I do. By being pleasant you are providing fuel. It is not as potent as if you shouted, became irritated or frustrated or upset with him, but it is still fuel. If you want to be pleasant you can, but it will provide fuel and it will encourage him to keep hoovering you. If you feel you can deal with that and you would prefer to be pleasant for the sake of your children, so be it, just understand there is a consequence to it but it may be one you can handle with renewed strength and knowledge.

      3. Thank you HG. I just have to keep my guard up and reading your blog helps. It’s going to be a struggle but I know I have the strength deep down. I was just telling my friend the other day that I’m not even sure I want him back or that I really love him. I sometimes think I just want to see him fail, to crash and burn without me. He’s already way behind on his truck payments and not keeping his finances in order since I took care of our bills. But I also think sometimes I just want him to come back to restore my bruised ego. I’m hoping that these realizations mean I’m mending and can move on instead of holding on to the “but I love him” excuse.
        I know you don’t do this to help us out of kindness but that’s the way it comes off 😉 So thanks! Lol

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are welcome OCBY. It takes time to cross that emotional sea but build your vessel from the finest Tudor writings and cross it you shall!

  4. Fool me 1 time says:

    Oh Maddie there is no one here that would spit on you!! Most of us would love for HG to feel happiness! Just remember to feel happiness you also have to feel sorrow and pain!! That is why I think he has buried all of his emotions!! That is just my opinion! 😉

    1. AH OH says:

      Doesn’t anyone read what HG is writing or is it getting cherry picked. If you understand what he is telling us then no one would even state what Maddie wrote. Besides who has the ego to think they can create someones happiness. Isn’t happiness found within? It just becomes frustration to me. >

      1. AH OH,
        I feel you and sometimes get frustrated as well at the fact that HG pretty much tells us on a daily basis who and what he is. But he also shows us that we are all in different places and even different levels of empath, codependents, and personality disorders. I also think aboutso much of the bullshit I accepted, put up with,and tried to change. Like you said we are responsible for our own happiness and learning what makes us happy.

  5. ???!! says:

    Hi Sir Tudor, if we were to meet your ex wife, what would she say about you? How would she describe you? How would she describe being married to you? From your writings, I don’t think this too personal to ask. If so, do inform me. And how about girlfriends? How would they answer those same questions?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It would depend on how well she knew you Question/Exclamation mark. If she did not know you well, she would be complimentary about me, as she is pleasant in that manner and of course, I do have much to be complimented. If she felt she could achieve your confidence, I suspect she would tell you a host of other less savour things about me. All lies of course.
      As for the girlfriends, well, there would be a wide variety of responses. When you read Asylum of the Grotesque this will give you a better idea in that regard.

  6. 1jaded1 says:

    The engagement ring was slipped on the finger bc he thought he might lose me. Romantic much?. We never said the vows bc I wouldn’t close the deal of his ownership. No fucking way.

    I laughed how you wrote this. So damned funny. The message is serious. If I didn’t need those phalanges so much, I would gnaw/chop/smash off.

  7. Dark Narc left me at the church after we got married…WOWZA! It should have been the flag that smacked me in the head, right?!?! One of his friends who I barely knew had to take me to the reception. Everyone laughed it off and joked about it for years and honestly so did I but now it makes perfect sense!

    1. nikitalondon says:

      perfect sense yes

  8. GD says:

    Hello I made a comment no response?

    1. Geanette says:

      Thank you for responding . He is so twisted! Really you have no idea… I’m reading No Contact, I could actually write a book about my past 11 yrs…sex,drugs,porn,rockstar,burlesque! You name it… Somatic, cerebral,,,, anything else?oh yeah, he is the victim!

    2. Geanette says:

      Oh yeah, no he claims he wants to be treated autonomously… HE IS FUCKING w me… He had clavicle surgery 5 days after I got out of alcohol abuse treatment ( I had worn down all of my coping mechanisms). I threw a coffee mug at his face, stitches blk eye. Said fuck this , I’m not living this way any more! Checked myself in… We have been in brief contact( he still has some of my things) a month later after surgery, which they called me to get him home safely, he texts me today to tell me how much pain he is in, site of wound is painful, he is in tears , uzing puss! I said go get it looked at( he worked in a hospital,ER analyst uofm grad) him- I’ll do it tomorrow. WTF! I am a narcs dream come true! 💀

  9. anya says:

    HG Tudor, are narcissist truly happy being a narcissist and doing really awful stuff? Do they live a happy life?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Anya, we don’t do happiness, not in the way that you do. We lead a different life. I sometimes attain contentment, I know what I am and I am effective and I relish the power that I experience. There are occasions when the fuel runs low and my tormentors appear that I do not feel powerful. i don’t think you can describe the life of a narcissist as happy.

      1. AH OH says:

        I now understand what Jonathan was trying to tell me. He wanted to be content with me. I did not know how to handle him at the time. Had I the tools like I do now, it would have been choice to deal with his NPD. He would say to me how I brought a cannon to the battle and he only had a bat. Today is his birthday and if I knew for sure he would appreciate me calling I would do so. I need to wait it out and this feeling will pass. It has been over a month since the last text. >

      2. Maddie says:

        I’d do anything to make You feel happy for the first tine..even if it was only once… and even if everyone here would spit on me for that. ..❤❤❤

        1. AH OH says:

          LOL we would not spit on you for this. Have at it. I think we would praise you if you could achieve this. Funny that you think you have this power to do so. Happiness is achieved by oneself. You can not and do not control anyones happiness but your own. Now can you give pleasure, yes. So in saying this are you looking to fuck him? >

  10. Rhonda says:

    And that was a first, this one made me extremely nauseous, he brought it up once and laughed when I looked at him sideways and said, hell to the no, not ever again.
    My husband always said he had the ownership papers on me, little did I know what that acutally meant at the time. Till death did we part hold a new meaning for me.

  11. Fool me 1 time says:

    Last question of the day! How long have you been divorced?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      For quite some time.

      1. Fool me 1 time says:

        Didn’t think I’d get a straight answer for that one!! Lol. You are just to wise! Xxx

  12. Fool me 1 time says:

    Sorry for all the questions today! I’ve been catching up on my reading and of course since it is my favorite author he gets my mind to working in oh so many ways!! Lol

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are always welcome FM.

  13. Fool me 1 time says:

    HG, do you still Hoover your ex wife?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Periodically. She still lives in the same city.

      1. Fool me 1 time says:

        Does she still provide you with fuel? And are your hoovers successful?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          She does. I know how to get her to react.

          1. AH OH says:

            Such a Narc. Did anyone tell you this? HG! >

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Oddly enough, yes they did AH OH.

          3. Lucky her!

      2. 00 says:

        How does she respond? My Narc hovered his ex and used her to triangulate. I was thrilled when I heard she married a month ago to the man I pointed out as her interest and he said I was wrong. Sweet revenge. His birthday is tomorrow so he has been on my mind. I was going to talk him to Fiji. Douchebag. He is going to Bahamas with his sister and whoever he is dating. Thank my lucky stars. >

        1. HG Tudor says:

          For the most part with positive fuel. Sometimes with negative. Always with fuel. She has no idea what I am. She just thinks that I am very controlling and manipulative. I tell her she is the one who is controlling and manipulative, but then I would, wouldn’t I?

          1. AH OH says:

            Why did you divorce and who initiated it? Is she in another relationship or does she still have hope for you? Why not tell her what you are and perhaps she can accept this and be your primary IP for life? >

          2. HG Tudor says:

            The detail will be in Asylum of the Grotesque so i am saving it for that AH OH. Yes she is in another relationship. He hates me because she still engages with me. Naturally that pleases me.
            She cannot be my primary IP, she had her chance and she failed.

          3. AH OH says:

            As will all of them. Everyone will fail you HG until you make the choice of seeing it differently if possible. Stop, drop and roll. >

          4. AH OH says:

            I have an ex that still engages with me and his wife of over 20 years hates me. I was engaged to him when I was 24 and yes I broke it off. I even slept with him in their bed to prove I still had power over him. We had dinner a few weeks ago.

      3. HG,
        I feel like my ex will always hoover me and know how to get fuel from me one way or the other. That is why I plan to move very far away as soon as my daughter graduates. I feel like I will never truly escape him…unless I truly escape him. Maybe I will move to England…he he

      4. Starr says:

        But you do not care if she dies yet you still want her in your life ? When you Hoover her what do you say ? Are you trying to get her to come back to you?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Of course I do, I want her fuel.
          I do not want her to come back to me but I am pleasant and charming to her and I know that being who she is she cannot help but respond to my polite enquiry in an enthusiastic manner.
          I usually ring her up and ask her how she is and how she is getting on with her work (she is an intelligent lady) and she always wants to tell me but she likes to ask me how I am and ask about my world. She always takes an interest in people. It is invariably pleasant and convivial. She won’t ever go no contact with me.

      5. 1jaded1 says:

        I bope she stumbles upon your blog and recognises you…and resists you

        1. HG Tudor says:

          That’s fighting talk 1jaded.

      6. 1jaded1 says:

        Is it? Totally not meant to be. As long as your interactions are pleasant, and they seem to be from your other comments to other bloggers, then good.

      7. 1jaded1 says:

        No comment?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I didn’t think it needed one 1jaded. Is there something you would like me to address, I am happy to do so.

      8. 1jaded1 says:


      9. bloody_elemental says:

        I am pretty sure I remember HG writing a comment about being able to solicit a “grudge fuck” from her…..I’d say the hoover worked.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I do so like it when people pay attention.

          1. bloody_elemental says:

            You make it impossible not to.

          2. HG Tudor says:


      10. Love says:

        Aye Yai Yai Mr. Tudor…

  14. I think it’s a blessing to never be a Sociopath/Narcissist’s Primary Source as evident by every single one of these exceptional articles I have read, thus far.

  15. Snow White says:

    I had a rough time getting by on my ex’s wedding day. It was two months after NC began and I experienced every emotion that weekend. I couldn’t resist the temptation and just had to look at the pictures.
    But now I have your dialogue in my head and I can see what she was thinking that day.
    Very funny HG!!!
    Thanks for that.
    And thinking of you SA kissing the DJ made me laugh too!!!
    It’s been one of those emotional days and you both cheered me up❤️🍎❤️

  16. 😢 Unfortunately I thought my marriage was real.
    I should’ve seen the signs when we were moving my belongings the day before ceremony and I said not to put my dress in the back of the moving van and he said it’d be fine. It wasn’t. It got stained and when I cried after finding the day of the wedding he didn’t care and was told to wear it still. Also I wasn’t allowed to go get a pedicure but he went to get a haircut and his eye brows waxed. We also had a leak in the water softener in the new house same day as wedding. Guess who had to stay behind and wait on plumbers? Me. I was almost late to ceremony.
    We were married on top of a mountain. On a Friday afternoon. When hardly anyone could make it because of work obligations. He was not willing to do a Saturday when my friends could come.
    Reception: he left right before eating to take his nieces to the store instead of sitting with me and visiting with my family. Had to be located to cut the cake.
    It was all what he wanted. Nothing about me.
    Later told people he married me because I wanted it. To him it was just a piece of paper. His word of forever should’ve been enough but I insisted marriage so he complied. He proposed marriage in the beginning.

    Stupid of me to marry him when I saw so many red flags. My reasoning: I had already compromised so many things for him I would be crazy not to go through with it. And my stupid heart loved him regardless of his short comings.

    Now I just want away from him. I’m tired of hurting. Longing. Hoping……

    1. camille says:

      I didn’t marry my N, but I lived with him for over 3 years. Left him over a year ago, and all I want it to stop hurting, and thinking of him every fucking day. The hurting has lessened, but i think him every morning, all day, and in the evening. Sleep is my only respite.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        What have you done to try to alleviate this situation Camille?

    2. Maddie says:

      I feel Your pain overcomingbyfaith. 🙁 you reminded me of my wedding. ..I shall get my munchkins to bed now but thought I’d write this. My Wedding day was a disaster too. I held up my smile while I could but pics shows different. .. when everyone left I cried for a week. ..

      1. Misty says:

        Maddie and overcomebyfaith
        My whole life is this way. It began the day we were wed. It is ironic how textbook this is. My wedding day consisted of me sleeping in the other room and him partying in the other room. He popped in for quickie. It was a distasteful experience. Before we were married he was very courting. Immediately upon wedding day, he became very dark. It has been horrible and though I no longer feel anguish over his daily torment, I pray for the arm, or red sea. For deliverance, but in my favor, for him to reap his harvest of oppression. My prayers go out to you both, whether healing or deliverance is your current. Glory to God, he is so Good.

    3. OVbyfaith,

      Your post made me very sad. I think weddings are overrated anyway but I am so sorry that yours was destroyed. My hope is that you stop hurting and get your day…even if it is just a day when you spend all day doing you!!! Again, a wedding is just a wedding, it is the marriage that counts and I hope you get that someday!!!!

      1. Thank you. I look forward to planning my next wedding as I would like it. And I’ll be getting a pedicure! 😊

  17. G.D says:

    What about the narcissist that refuses to get married? Claims he was already married and to a female narcissist at that! Keeps me holding on for 11 yrs manipulating me to think we are better off if we don’t get married. Puts him in the position to threaten to kick me out when ever he pleases! Well this last time I was in treatment for alcoholism due to the torment I’ve suffered at his hands and tongue and mind. He put my belongings in storage told me I couldn’t come back … I had exhausted all other means of coping so I slowly then relentlessly drank and isolated myself further till I had had enough ! I threw a coffee mug at his face . Along with the letter I received , while in treatment , I also received a letter saying that if I fought him to stay in the apt w him when I finished treatment he would get a ppo and press charges for assault! What about the countless times I had to go to the ER due to his violence ? That did not matter to him , he also made me pay his deductible for the ER or he wouldn’t give me the keys to my things in storage ! Even after all of that I miss him. The not crazy him… After I got out I moved into a room at A friends house . It has been 70 days since I left and I am all the better for it ! Ice lost 20lbs. I get complements everyday how great i look ,happy, I sleep better my old good friends are talking to me again , and I even got a job … I’m glad he tricked me into thinking marriage was not a good idea , I probably would have drank myself to death and he would have collected the insurance money . He has absolutely lost his mind , I go no contact , when I do see him I am gray rock ! I keep my emotions to myself and for therapy and I suggest anyone who has suffered narcissistic abuse syndrome get into a therapy called DBT .. It is working wonders . Yes I suffer loss and loneliness but I will never succumb to that kind of slow deadly elimination again .

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello GD, the narcissist as you describe is engaging in future faking for the purposes of keeping a hold on you. The claim (and you are right to describe it that way) of having been married and to a narcissist is an artifice designed to explain why he will not commit to marriage but all the while causing you to hang in there thinking, “Well if he was married once upon a time, surely he will do so again?”
      You evidently have had him do you a favour by kicking you out as it has enabled you to concentrate on your own position rather than have to keep dealing with the way was treating you.

  18. Starr says:

    I’m just in love with this piece of information and your view on marriage .i came really close to marrying my ex because he said he would marry me and if he cheated again j could have everything and take his car and take everything from him if he messed up again . I thought well if he says that than surely he is serious and won’t hurt me again. He knows if he cheats on me I will expose to all of his family how he is and what he has done . I have already told his brother and friends of his cheating and lies previously before and made him admit to them what he did to me and I made sure that nobody thought he was the victim and I set him straight by busting him out . So of course he wouldn’t go through that again would he ? After reading this I think maybe he would cheat again if I marry him .

    Mr Tudor . If she gets sick though , you are supposed to love her enough to take care of her and put her first and you are supposed to love her enough to not check out other women . Husband and wife means one and you are equals no one before the other .

    So the words fuel girlfriend and wife mean the same to you ?

    Once she divorces you because of your abuse and her family becomes upset and disgusted with you are you not going to feel embarrassment or shame ? Do their feelings towards you not matter ?

    Understanding you is like walking through a maze with little razor blades randomly sticking up from the ground and booby traps with no way out . I know you have a heart . I’m sure you can touch your chest and feel it beat . You are human and your love and emotions have to freaking be somewhere . I’m not willing to give up on you and say you have no love inside of you . I refuse to believe you are a person with no love and empathy left in you .

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Starr, I am pleased you like it. I know what is intended but fuel is all. Yes, girlfriend = fuel, wife = fuel, colleague =fuel, friend = fuel, stranger = fuel. Different levels of fuel admittedly, but fuel all the same. As for my feelings on divorce, the upcoming post The Dirty Divorce will be of interest to you. Your faith is noted and certainly underpins your empathic credentials.

  19. SA says:

    As sure as I am here typing, I knew on my wedding night I was not going to stay in this marriage. I also made out with the DJ when I went to interview him. Yes I confess I am bad to most.
    I changed with children. Must have been the hormonal swing.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Did the DJ spin your wheels of steel?

      1. 00 says:

        I just wanted to kiss him. I wanted to feel his lips. He had a pretty mouth. We kissed for awhile and then I walked away from him. I think he was blown away, I was in charge. He was just a momentary toy. >

  20. SA says:

    I will never look at a couple getting married without thinking of this piece.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you SA, that made me smile.

      1. SA says:

        We are even then as you made me smile too. I am actually still smiling as I recall my first wedding. 117 lbs of 1st class bitch-ness. Oh, so it goes and the paths we take.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          That got a laugh at this end.

    2. I’m going to a lesbian wedding this weekend. Think my cousin might be a narc. Lot’s of red flags over the years. Yes, I will definitely be thinking of this post during the wedding.

  21. Mary says:

    Hello H G, just finished reading this one and it is so true! We met and married in 8 months. I was officially divorced from the maniac August 31st, I have not heard a word from him since the attempted hoover last march. My question is how can it be till the death of one of us? He has had so many. Does it mean till the death of all the past primary sources? I highly doubt he will come sniffing around again and he has the chin lady. I just do not understand the way your kind thinks.. there are just too many past relationships you guys have had to keep tabs on all of us. I hope I made sense here.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Mary, there is the Formal Relationship which is what everyone understands as a relationship. So you may have the FR with a narcissist and then you tell him it is over. To you and everyone else that is the end, but not to us. The Narcissistic Relationship goes on until you die or we die because we regard you as our property and subject to the Hoover Trigger and the Hoover Execution Criteria being met we will never leave you alone. We do not need to keep tabs on all of you. if my fuel needs are being met, I don’t need to put a lot of effort in to hoover so I will only do so if it is on a plate. if you don’t cause a Trigger or meet the criteria, i won’t bother. I might have a primary source and hoover on a malign basis an ex, perhaps two more and those with all my other sources will be enough. I won’t need to bother the other former primary sources, but things change.

    2. nikitalondon says:

      Engaged 10 months after we met and married 12… its good that is written in such a funny to read and think what went through his head almost 16 years ago ..
      Very good HG. You are def. excellent.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Thank you Nikita.

  22. SA says:

    I actually laughed out loud. Thank you for this one. You are such a hoot.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hoot is a good word. You are welcome.

  23. Maddie says:

    Your honesty is unbelievable…. shocking and breathtaking. .. at least You are clear. In the end of the day the wedding vows don’t differ from a unwritten contract between You and any of Your IP.

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