Taking A Journey
When I come along in my luxurious and expensive motor vehicle it is too difficult to resist that open passenger door and you hop in without hesitation. I won’t be taking you for a gentle drive through undulating countryside nor for a meandering excursion along the coast. No. It is straight to the motorway. You are pinned back in your seat by the sudden acceleration as we speed away. You let out a laugh, delighted by the surge of excitement as I move straight into the fast lane and the speedometer needle climbs as we go faster and faster. It is exhilarating to be driven along by such a confident and masterful driver.
The motorway I take you on has been purpose built for me. It cuts through the landscape, not going around or under or over but straight through. There are no obstacles for my motorway. It is direct and effective. Its construction bludgeoned everything else out of the way as it made its mark on everything around it. Nothing could stop it as mile after mile it stretched across the land. Nothing gets in the way of my motorway.
You marvel at how quickly it takes you to so many different places. You smile as you press your nose to the glass and watch the signs flash past ‘Desire’,’Heaven’,’Excitement’ and ‘Delight’ are all signposted. My motorway takes you to these places in a matter of moments and no sooner have we visited one place then we are back on my motorway, speeding through the night to the next location. The motorway takes us direct to the best restaurants, the most exotic destinations, the concerts where it enables us to drive right up to the front of the stage and the hitherto exclusive and difficult places you always tried to reach are suddenly in front of you, all courtesy of this expansive motorway network.
My motorway never has traffic jams, is free of roadworks and always takes the most direct route to the destination. It is breath-taking how fast we travel along it, yet you always feel safe, content in the knowledge that I am taking care of you on this modern and well-maintained transport route.
Occasionally you see people that you recognise stood on the hard shoulder. Some of your family who watch as we speed by. You see your friends who are parked to one side as we race along. You raise a hand to wave to them but it is too late. We have already rushed by them leaving them far behind, just a passing blur. You are not concerned however as you see the next sign detailing our destination and the anticipation rises as you await your arrival at this glamorous place. All thoughts of family, friends and supporters have been left behind, as quickly as we drove past them.
Sometimes you think you see a warning sign flash on one of the overhead gantries but I am driving so fast along this wide motorway that you cannot be sure.
“Did that say danger ahead?” you ask as we zip underneath another illuminated sign.
“Oh it just a routine test, you do not need to worry about that,” I smile and you are instantly reassured. You settle back in your seat as the world and your life flashes by but you are too focussed on what lies ahead at the next destination to worry about what is passing you by. This is the ride of your life and you never want it to stop.
The car suddenly brakes to a halt. Tyres squeal and smoke drifts past as the vehicle violently stops. You lurch forward in your seat and almost bang your head on the dashboard. Disorientated you right yourself as the passenger door opens.
“Out you get,” I instruct. The smile is gone and is now replaced by a face you barely recognise as I stare ahead.
“Sorry? What?” you splutter in confusion.
“Time to go. You need to go that way,” I state aggressively and point behind you.
“What do you mean? Why have we stopped? I don’t understand,” you protest.
“Out!Out! Out! ” I bark and suddenly frightened you scramble out of the car and stand trembling on the tarmac.
“Your life is back that way,” I add as the passenger door slams shut and you watch as I roar off up a slip road next to a large sign saying “Fuel this way”.
You watch me disappear from view and then turn to face the silent and empty motorway which stretches away into the far distance. You start walking, confused and upset.
The walk back to your life is just like my motorway.
Dark grey and long.
44 thoughts on “Taking A Journey”
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Wow. I was spellbound reading that.
Excellent writtings HG.
Thank you Nada.
I agree with Kelly. I found myself many days thinking I was on that highway. My ex loved speeding also. I was never afraid of being in the car with her while she was driving, it was when the car was in park. We would spend hours in parking lots talking and talking. She used that time to trap me and monopolize me. I spent one whole day in her car trying to talk her out of suicide. Something she never intended to do but I believed every word of it. She sucked me in that day and she knew it. Her car brings back terrible memories.
A ride from the highway to hell.
This one, the article, is the worst one. Coz it reflects tooooooooo well the reality of journy with Narcissist.
Cannot even re-read it, coz dont want to remember those feelings..
I just have to say, I don’t think there’s any other blog I’ve ever read that’s made me feel so inclined to read the “Comments” section. But, this blog is different. I love reading everybody else’s comments because I learn something from each of you, as well. I just want to thank each of you for sharing your truth and your stories with the rest of us because it really is helpful knowing that we’re not the only ones whose lives have been effected in such a powerfully negative way.
And, to you, HG … you get the biggest THANK YOU of all! Thank you so much for providing a forum that is waking so many of us up to what’s real and true! Thank you for sharing your powerful life with us so that we can find the the positive power within ourselves to live more peaceful, happy and loving lives.
You may be a wolf in sheeps clothing, but you’re also a blessing in disguise.
Thank you Sharon. Naturally I am the star of the show but like all the best performances, it is the amalgamation of many things which results in brilliance and indeed the calibre, intelligence and perception of those who post here has to be recognised (not too much though!) Just like the narcissist and the empath, the readers needs me and I need the readers. I also learn from the comments that are made.
Precisely and beautifully written, HG.
THANK YOU!
Thank you Sharon.
I can’t thank you enough, HG Tudor. It’s been a while I’ve been reading your articles and you’ve offered me the key to understand the evil and madness I’ve been living during the last year. What started out as the love of my life, proved very soon to be a crazy-making, abusing experience. It was through reading your articles that I started to figure out what kind of person I had been involved with and realised that all the madness I had experienced totally made sense. I recognise so much in what you’re writing, it’s hard to believe… I don’t know why you ‘re doing this, but the insight you offer is absolutely valuable. Thank you so much!
Hello npber, thank you letting me know and I am pleased to know that you have found my work so useful.
Welcome, npber. May I start by asking how you selected your name? I know there must be a story behind it and I hope in time you will feel comfortable sharing with the supportive group here. When did you first realize that the love of your life was a narc?
Take me with You dear G… xxx
M,
I don’t care where we go, I don’t care what we do. I don’t care pretty baby, just take me with you – Prince
The song is now stuck in my head. I like it.
How funny! The first time I met him, I got into his car and he started kissing me. The cheek of it! How dare he? How overly dramatic… how romantic!
Within a year.. we had a child. A son who is now 14, a son he never sees. A son he occasionally feigns interest in if he wants to hoover me (or he wants to hoover him maybe?) and re-start the ‘I just need to get my life sorted out’ drivel. He remains married (has been for 30 years), my marriage was over 14 years ago (someone had to jump first). Thirteen years ago I worked out he had NPD and yet…what if I was wrong?
These past couple of months, reading this blog, I no longer have any doubt and I am back in the driving seat, but what a long and damaging ride this has been. Thank you for providing the answers and clarity, I could never get from him.
You are most welcome DTP and I am pleased you have the clarity you require. Thanks for reading.
Like many here, I really enjoyed reading and riding your words. Wonderful analogy. Kept thinking of Sammy Hagar song, “I can’t drive 55!”! 🤘🏼
Very powerful writing ! I think you made quite a few of us believe we were in that car with you HG. One after the other of course. The silent & empty motorway made me shudder. I would say that is how life feels directly after a relationship with a narcissist. Oh my !
Thank you TII.
I didn’t take my way back. I am slowly taking another direction. That’s why I am grateful for that wicked, painful, exciting and perverted ride.
Lol a car ride would be exciting with you, yet this is very accurate. This girl has always found her way back, this time thou I have this marvilous guide, his name is HG.
Indeed that is the case DFA.
Great analogy… I , myself took the road less travelled. I wont do that again!
This is such an accurate description of life with a narcissist.
The good thing is, I miss the soft undulating countryside and gentle ramblings.
Sir Tudor, that was amazing!! The image fantastic and the description of what happens in a narcissist relationship eerily so very, very accurate.
thank you.
This one really speaks to me. I always learn from what you write, but this one I can really relate to. When I read this I could feel my heart open and the sadness pour out for the first time. Reality hitting pretty hard to what has happened. This, that you write, is my story. Only my beginning is opposite. I hopped in his truck and hit the dirt roads with a 12 pack of beer. We actually did this on our first date. We pulled over and sat on the tailgate as we watched the lightening show that mother nature provided for us. We talked for hours that night. This became our thing, driving the back roads and watching the sunset. He would slide me over right next to him. I remember thinking how goofy that was on our first date, but something I learned to loved. It was his old school nature that attracted me to him. He brought me back to my roots. To the place I knew and belonged, but had forgotten. He was exactly what I wanted, needed, and searched for my whole life…. then came along the ending to my fairytale, just as you wrote 😔
Thank you B. Can you watch the lightning now? If you do, do you think of him straight away?
Indeed I do HG. Just as he wanted. The worst part about it is that I have no control over Mother Nature. No way for me to avoid and block the memory. Very clever on his part. I will need to create a new memory when lightning appears I suppose. I worked very hard to build a bond with him and now I will have to work twice as hard to break it. Good thing I’m not a quitter 😉
You have been infected but you have the cure. You know what to do. That allows you to seize the power B.
Thank you HG. It means a lot to me to hear that from you.
We all get tempted by the Devil. And like me, we go on a holiday with that Devil. But dear Lucifer, what you don’t get is that, we lonely heart empaths/codependents will snuggle up to almost anyone in any port in the storm. We gravitate to goodness, real or fake but real out numbers the illusion. To us, you are not as special as you think. We aren’t that fussy when it comes to caring for others. Unbeknownst to you, we like the regular guy for the long haul. That’s real joy. You’re fun for a little bit and then your not. I liken it to drinking to much Premium vodka and then having that colossal hangover. It was fun but I can have that much fun again without all the headache with a genuine human who doesn’t have agendas who loves me me deeply warts and all. And when the fun you seemingly provide, is no longer fun, folks like me look elsewhere. You see, we get bored too. It’s gets old dealing with a six year old. The constant need for attention makes us want to devalue you like no bodies business. Snore ! The “regular” fellas in our world are able to provide us with some of the deepest joy and love available. That’s what superior looks like to us. This guy gets us coffee in the morning without any agenda other than he likes to do it because it makes us happy and in turn, we reciprocate in a way we think that fella will enjoy. The give and take is rich and empowering. Nothing sexier than this. Of course, they aren’t without fault which leaves us susceptible to your ways but then you are always lurking, smelling the blood from the wound. We should be grateful of your kind because without you, we wouldn’t know how to appreciate the regular kinda fella. Thank you for you insight. It’s invaluable. You’re doing some good in the world and you should be commended.
Thank you Lacy, the difficulty for many is that they are like beacons to us and we give them what they need, thus the “normal” never get chance to look in and pale by comparison. Not all I grant you, but many. Thank you for your post.
(Incidentally, I have never had a hangover off premium vodka!)
Apparently, your liver is superior as well.
Lacy, this regular fella sounds pretty darn great. No agenda and he gives real love and joy??!! I’ve never experienced one. Where are they? I like to meet them. Unfortunately my picker only points in one direction, narcville. How can I tell this fella is the real deal and not a wolf in sheep clothing?
I became carsick.
What an imagination. I was in the car. Thank you for the reminder to never get in a car with a handsome stranger no matter what he offers. There is nothing for me at the end of this ride.
Nothing, absolute nothing.
after 3 years with Victim N, I have been provoked into dumping him. Cause he hoovered his Ex. I risked it all. And she reaped the rewards. For now.
While I walk back home. Step by step. Inch by inch What a miserable walk back home. But I am the lucky one.
BTW HG’s book on exorcising the narcissist has been very useful.
For real. I am following the suggestions and the pain while horrible passes quickly because I am distracting myself. It works. HG’s instructions are to be taken literally. These books are dense and packed with good information that is no exaggeration.
Thank you Cat, I appreciate that.
You are welcome. Well deserved. Thank you as well.
cat520 It also worked for me and the blog was/is a follow-up.
I hope, you know who >(sssssss) gets to read this one…lol. she will be in her glory… 😉 X’s and big smiles HG. Glad to see you were able to finish the new book. I’m trying to keep up with all the new posts and enjoying very much some of the earlier summer posts I had missed.
As always, staying tuned and wishing you continued success.
Excellent description of the whirlwind ride and discard!
As this started out I thought it was going to be how narcissists will drive erratically, without regard for anyone else when they are raging… the IP is usually the target and you gain an abundance of negative fuel from the terror and screams to stop! (I have been through that more than I would like to admit!)