15 Boundary Breakers
We never respect boundaries, do not regard them as applicable to us, whether those boundaries are accepted social conventions or boundaries enshrined in law, we have little or no regard for them. These rules, procedures, conventions and laws are for the little people, not titans such as us. We go where we want, when we want and do what we want. Driven by our astonishing sense of entitlement, absent empathy and innate superiority, we smash through barriers and boundaries every day. This is a total mind set which we adopt and the examples of this are legion. Here are fifteen instance of our boundary breaking behaviours.
- Anything of yours is automatically ours.
- You are an extension of us.
- We make you feel guilty if you say no to us.
- We make you believe that you are something that you are not.
- We ignore and/or deny your needs.
- We invade your spaces.
- We allow your sense of self-esteem and self-worth to be eroded.
- We make you solely responsible for our needs.
- We make you say “yes” to us through a sense of obligation.
- We make you feel it is necessary to always please us.
- We treat you unequally.
- We fail to support you.
- We expect you to agree with us all of the time.
- We expect you to read our minds so you do what we want.
- We dominate your resources – time, energy, attention, socialising, money and emotions.
13 thoughts on “15 Boundary Breakers”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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And I spent yesterday at the home of a woman who considers herself a close friend of mine. I’ve known her nearly 4 years and yet YESTERDAY WAS THE FIRST TIME I VISITED HER HOME (she’s never been to my house), and while she put out an amazing spread for myself and the other guests there (food was great, and she, along with her husband, are very good hosts) I found myself thinking that my place is a palace compared to hers. I mean, my home is in a better part of town, is less cluttered with crap, is better decorated, is just BETTER for every reason.
I had such an urge to say, “Well if you’d get all this junk out of the living room, run a vacuum through here, remodel the kitchen, and…demolish the bathroom and start over, it’s a lost cause…” and launch into a lengthy diatribe about how she might turn her place into, well, not as much of a palace as mine, but perhaps less of a shit show.
But I can’t SAY that to this woman who cooked lobster dinner for half a dozen of her friends on a Saturday in October (because where else can I eat two lobster tails and three claws…and a piece of mousse cake for dessert, all without paying a damn thing), oh yeah, and if I tell her her place is a dump I’m the bad guy. And the bad guy doesn’t get invited back for another lobster dinner.
Fantastic Cara, of course the real skill lies in saying those things AND getting invited back.
Drawing a boundary around me……So many of these are written with the phrase “we make you”….No one has that power over me. No one makes me feel, think or do anything that isn’t of my own accord. I choose. We have power over our own feelings and actions. The abuse here is the trickery and gaslighting that influences our thinking otherwise and hand our power over on a silver platter.
What is yours is mine, what is mine is mine too. Ask my ex-husband. Just how I roll. Want some buttah with that?
1) My world, play by my rules. (They are exciting trust me)
2) My rules are I play by your rules if I want. (they better be fun)
3) See rule 1 and 2
Boundary is a word that I never had to worry about until my relationship ended. When the fog started to clear I became aware of how all the morals I had for 43 years of my life had went out the window. I had never done anything remotely “bad”. I didn’t like to get in trouble or get yelled at and thought I was a morally decent human being. I thought I was a good role model for my daughter.
She did all of the 15.
I began cheating on my husband. I was having sex with her in front of her girlfriend. I was meeting her in parking lots to have sex. I was pretending I owned her place of establishment and was holding interviews for her. I was sending her explicit photos and having phone sex.
She had more boundaries to cross off of her list. A threesome was next. It wasn’t something I wanted nor her girlfriend but it would have happened because SHE wanted it. She wanted me to try drugs. That would have been down the line. I don’t even know how to smoke. Something else I didn’t want.
I am so relived and grateful that I got out when I did because I know where it was heading. I can’t even believe that I did all of those things for her. I loved her and she was controlling me and I didn’t even have a clue. I had become a completely different person.
Boundaries are something that I have had to think about now. I am learning to set a whole new list of ones so this will never happen to me again. What a nightmare.
Oh Snow White – that is sad.
Definitely a comment which makes me want to jump through the Internet and give you a big hug.
I’m pleased you’re reestablisjimg your boundaries now xxx I never had any, I’ve developed them now and they’re impenetrable.
Thanks Alexis!! I appreciate it. Not a fun lesson to learn. It makes me think on a regular basis how I interact with people and how I respond to them.
Thanks for the hugs! ❤️🍎❤️
This sounds so famiar….
I think she got me too. In a similar way.
I was straight and narrow til she seduced me and drew me into her lesbian narc-mare.
I wasn’t allowed in the establishment because she was jealous of the men there flirting with me. But I was her full time nanny for her narcissist kid.
They’re all alike – gay or straight. No boundaries whatsoever.
“Vision, even for a dragon, is woefully unreliable. What you can see with great clarity may not be real; what you cannot see may be the ultimate reality.” TA Barron
Highly character-disordered individuals.
Tried to wreck my physical health, in an awful way.
Never again. No chance. No way.
The First Narc I was with is hoovering me, again. But this time he just emailed me knowing if we could play an online game together because he said, “I’m fine. I need some interaction, stimulation I guess. Please hurry”. I feel sorry for him because this Narcissist is definitely a LESSER, and he has no idea of what he does, and why he does it- which is why I feel I can have empathy for him. I was wondering what your opinion was on having compassion for the Lesser Narcissist because he truly does not know any better and is only living life in Knee-Jerk actions and reactions.
You got half the reasons right on the money. When you enter a relationship you would think that there is some kind of commitment to your needs as well as the other person. Not in this case. I bend over backwards for you and you Fuck me by getting back with her. Then you say you are in love with both of us and why should you choose…. Should of walked away a long time ago. There are no boundaries didn’t matter how I felt.
Yes. You. Did.
Now. You’re. History.