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One of the hardest aspects of dealing with our kind is actually recognising and realising that you have been entangled with one of us. Next to nobody thinks that they have been ensnared by a narcissist. Many people have not heard of the word and most who have heard of the word do not understand what is truly means. Not until it is often too late and the damage has been done. Identifying the behaviour of somebody as someone who is a narcissist, be they Lesser, Mid-Range or Greater, is almost unheard of at the outset of the narcissistic relationship. Realisation comes much later and often only arises after there has been an escape or more commonly , a discard.

What has become evident to me is that people gain understanding and validation from my writing but also reading about the experiences of others so that they experience that “Me too!”moment as suddenly something clicks and understanding follows. As regular readers will know, I emphasise repeatedly how the key to moving forward and achieving freedom is to understand and in order to understand one must read, read and read yet more.

I am always interested to read of people’s experiences with regard to the narcissist or narcissists they have been entangled with and with that in mind and also the desire to demonstrate how varied and difficult it can to recognise what it happening, I have decided to create a work based on that moment when realisation occurs. It might have been a slow and steady dawning of the truth or it might have been delivered with the force of a sledgehammer to the head, such was the magnitude of the realisation. However it occurred and in whatever circumstances, I am asking for people to contribute their experiences for the purposes of work which will allow people to see how others were awakened and became aware of what had happened to them. This will allow people to explain their circumstances and for others to have the potential to recognise similarities in their own situation to provide them with knowledge and validation.

With that in mind, I am asking for people to write to me in order to answer these two questions:-

  1. What was the moment when you realised that there was something wrong in the relationship you had with a particular person; and
  2. What was the moment when you realised you are, were or had been entangled with a narcissist?

Whether that person was a parent, sibling, friend, intimate partner, colleague. acquaintance at the gym or whatever, do detail when you had that moment of thinking that something was not right about your relationship with them. What were the circumstances? Was it one particular act? Was it a series of behaviours? Something said or done? Did you work it out yourself or was someone else pointing you towards this conclusion? Did you accept it straight away or did you try to dismiss it? Similarly, when you realised this person was a narcissist, how did it come about? How sure were you? Did you work it out or did someone else tell you?

When did you Awaken?

If you wish to contribute, please provide your submission which should be no longer than 1000 words to

If you wish to have a pseudonym placed with your submission, please state that at the end of the submission.

The best fifty will be selected and included for publication, along with my commentary and observations on each, in a forthcoming book.

Thank you in advance for no doubt what will be a fascinating selection of experiences.



158 thoughts on “Awakened”

  1. Very impressive, JVO! You out-did him on that one. And as Sir Tudor says, they hate being ignored. So grey rock with him. Congrats on your new, better life!

    1. Thank you! I just did what HG did to his girls! As a Registered Nurse I will help every person I can and refer them to his writings! Closing is in 2 weeks! I’m so close to free!!!

  2. My story has certainly changed after reading your books and gaining insight into what would gain me my freedom back. What worked for me was I just kept criticizing him day and night. I started sleeping on the couch rather than with him. Then I started gathering information on him which could destroy his career. Gave him his 3 kt diamond engagement ring back, quit working for him and returned his car. He told me to get a job and get out of his house. So I Got a job in a month working for his competition for $10.00 more an hour, bought my own car and just got a mortgage and bought my own house! Now about that hoovering?! I have yet to see……pretty sure I’m on the discard pile!
    THANK YOU! Without all this knowledge I would never have made it out.

  3. Speaking of “awakened”, I just remembered a childhood mug my socionarc mother used to place n front of me. It said, “the one who dies with the most toys wins.”
    This has taken on a whole, new meaning from the charming baby crockery I thought it was.
    She added, “when we were shopping, you saw the mug and screamed until I bought it.”
    She must have enjoyed my guilty shame from this lie.
    Was this tactic a narcissistic or a sociopathic one?

  4. Tudor’s writings are a tool to help people realize who they are entangled with, but if one lingers too long, they morph from aid to addiction . Once you agree you have been duped by a narc, it is time to remove your focus on ‘other’ and work on fixing ‘self’ so that people like Tudor become repulsive as opposed to attractive. If you keep coming back to Tudor and his writings, you are stuck on victim, and a source of supply for the author.

    1. True to a certain extent, I find that I learn something new most of the time. For some I am sure they use it as a clutch to maintain no contact. Leave one addiction to another.

  5. I am in the process of being discarded as the primary source. I thought this would be easy but it is truly torture and I do not think it is nearly done. He seems to have another source in the wings ready to step in so I thought an embarrassing public send would do the trick. Not yet. Yes I am getting all the blame and cold shoulder but there is still that knowledge in my gut that he is not ready to let me go. In truth, I am so co-dependent and seem stuck in this roller coaster I have called life for three years. I know the answer and can see him clearly for the Narc that he is. I have told him as much and somehow I have not completely cut him out of my life. I am eyes wide open to what he is but I am so baffled as to why as a grown adult I have made the choice to be entangled as I am.

    I have recently written a letter to whom I believe will be the new primary source. Interesting since I know I will never send it. But somehow I carry guilt that the cycle will continue and feel like I should provide a warning although in my heart of hearts I know it won’t matter. He knows exactly how to pick the next women. I can’t ever think of myself as a victim. I have chosen to stay in this situation for close to three years. Maybe I will submit this letter. A slightly different angle to such twisted tails.

    1. Hello WUBC and thank you for you post. Your sentiments are entirely consistent with the experience of being entangled with out kind. You may find the letter writing cathartic and you may well yet send it. The replacement primary source is highly unlikely to pay any attention to it because she will be enjoying the seduction and you will have been smeared by your narcissist. Accordingly, do not expect it to have any effect.

  6. Hi HG, I wrote earlier about my house keys being stolen by narcs. You suggested possible camera bugging. As I’m not the sort to concoct this kind of scheme, where should I be checking for small cameras? I’ve looked on the ceiling and walls and shelves etc, but not sure of good hiding places that your kind prefers…

    1. There are two decent ways of doing this. The first and the cheap version is to switch all of your appliances off and in total darkness carefully move through your house and look for red winking lights (easier to see of course in the dark) and listen for electronic sounds. Then take a torch and stand in the centre of each room and play the torch up and down and around and if something reflects the light, investigate it as it may be a camera lens. The more expensive but effective version is to have your property swept.

      1. Jesus, you know this too. And duly noted, paranoia piqued. This was the part of one of your books that scared me so-the tracking devices, etc. nothing like the fear of being stalked, watched, etc.

      2. I had a look and doesn’t appear to be anything. I think because I asked them about the keys they (hopefully) got put off.
        I’ve decided to move though. The guy looks like a lot of the serial killers I’ve written about for work. A loner kid with a black energy.

        1. I would suggest that all matters considered that this would be a wise move. Given the theft of your keys I envisage that you would be subject to further machinations therefore making a move at this juncture would be sensible.

  7. Ive always been one to feel that a person needs to know details of the events, Mine span over 8 yrs, Ive always taken care of myself and had a good head on my shoulders, I often wonder where my head was, I think of events still n its like a light bulb, ahhh so that was his intentions, going to try n sqeeze it into a 1000 words, I think this will be good for me, its been 2 1/2 yrs but still situations pop up where he tries and causes me problems, I have no contact with him, but the terror continues.

      1. I may decline the offer. Shoes are so restricting…putting shoes over shoes? That can’t be comfortabls. May you please show me how that works using your feet as an example?

  8. Hello HG, I really dug into this over the weekend. I could not help my mind from going into some really dark places as I wrote and started piecing things together. I have a very uneasy feeling regarding his true intentions with me. Yes, I know that the number one intention is fuel, but I sense something much more than that. I am truely sorry, but I do not think I can participate in your request at this time. If my intuition is right then I would rather not know. I really don’t think I could handle it. I feel I should just block him and those thoughts from my mind and leave the unknown to the unknown. This thought is enough to keep me from ever going back. I do hope you understand. Thank you for the huge eye opener and allowing me to vent my darkest secrets. Cannot thank you and your readers enough!

    1. B, you’re not the only one having an adverse reaction to this particular blog request for “Awakened”. I know I’m a “regular”, but it’s always snippets of things here and there. This particular assignment really asks to collectively lay it all out. Whenever I try to think about the events that led me to being an inconsolable mess and in a total fog, I get a physical reaction and have to distract myself. I know me too. If it gets me worked up in the direction of anger, I’ll probably send a poison pen email or text.

  9. Hi everybody! How are you all? I’ve missed you ladies!

    HG, you are always in my thoughts and prayers….you’ve helped me more than anybody….and I will be forever grateful to you and ALL of your books. Thank you!

    I will be more than happy to contribute to this book!

    1. Thank you T, I know from your previous comments here that you have some interesting and entertaining tales to share. Thank you for your kind words and good to have you drop by.

  10. Great therapy for all concerned; both in the process of writing and in the sharing and reading of the finished project…with a healthy side benefit of the broadening of your own knowledge HG 😉 Enjoy!
    Perhaps you are more of a healer than you realize for all that you touch. Great idea on many levels 🙂

    1. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear….
      I’m beginning to see many N’s in my life, as a lesson that I may not have ever grown without…I’m still grateful for your writings and this blog and its commenters that provide such clarity via the resonation found here. It makes the “lessons” much easier to grasp and brings some form of reality to an otherwise often surreal existence. Thanks HG

      1. Hi Clarece,
        That’s sweet ♥
        I’m sure between HG’s knowledge that he so openly shares and your honesty, integrity, intellect and big heart you have truly got this covered. Hope life is working out for you as you wish it to. If not quite yet…please keep believing you’ve got this covered in every aspect and absolutely deserve to love and be loved wholeheartedly; toxicity and game free. ♥

        1. You by far are the one with the big heart, honesty and integrity. Thank you so much for extending that towards me. Like others have said here, the people in our lives don’t get how eroded we feel or how we become immobilized from moving forward due to how overwhelmingly painful it feels. There’s a lot of comfort here!!

          1. Please delete if sent multiple times…my WP is playing up.

            ♡ Although their lack of understanding makes it harder for us to not be further gaslighted..I’m grateful for them not knowing such heartache…and hope they never have to grasp it in their own experience.
            Thankful for this little group and HG for sure. Take care dear lady ♡

      2. Hello Clarece, thought of you as soon as I saw that the Indians are on their way to the World Series. Lol..
        Hope you are doing well.

  11. I had just decided to write this all down and it makes it look like I’m a totally crazy person….. You made me feel better when you commented on struggling to get down to 1000 words. I’m not sure where you would like more words or where you would like less. I’ll let you decide.

  12. Halfway through peeling the onion I had an inkling that is what it was. But was eliminating other possibilities. Then one night a film randomly came on the tv that I watched. And I knew without a doubt right then. The film is called “Being Flynn”.

    1. That is interesting DGMB, I recognise the title but I have never watched it. I must admit from reading the synopsis of the film I can see potential for certain traits but it doesn’t leap from the page. Perhaps you could expand on why the film switched on the lightbulb for you by way of a submission, I think it has the potential for an interesting contribution to the book.

      1. It is basically a young man’s reinteraction with his absentee biological father as an adult, and his father is a textbook what you would call “mid range” collapsing narcissist. It was never overtly stated. Just obvious, and very parallel to my own experiences. It just triggered the aha that’s it lightbulb moment in my brain.

  13. Good Lord. Which one? Jeeze. I am the product of one, and prey of many in my younger girl years, wised up, learned how to spot the obvious ones and avoided them, unless it was for recreational shits and giggles.

    But yet somehow this frog was lured into the tepid boiling pot disguised as a lush pond paradise and slowly boiled for over a decade by one that was not so obvious. There wasn’t any single tell. It was like peeling an onion. I just kept peeling.

    Or, more like I kept saying to him for about a year while I figured it out… “Don’t you keep telling me you aren’t hiding a cat in the closet when I can smell the dirty cat shit.”

    So I ripped open the closet and threw the damn cat in his face. Metaphorically.

  14. Sir Tudor, I think you should write a book. What would be in it?
    1. Our names
    2. Brief description of our narc relationship/situation
    3. Your thoughts of each one of us.
    (Even a list of our different names is amusing. Can you imagine if we all were in 1 room? Narc heaven – for the narc.) Oh, and I definitely deserve royalties for that idea, just like I deserve $3000 paid back from my narc. Oh right, I’m dealing with narcs.

      1. Well, the actual time I spent in total in his presence physically was probably 5 days, so per min., I probably paid more.

  15. HG, forgive me if you answered this somewhere else but – what is your advice for professional life?
    I haven’t found a workplace that isn’t full of them.
    I am freelancing at the moment because of PTSD but find that avoiding narcissists means I am not achieving my dreams.
    Will they inevitably target someone who is an empath in a workplace?

    For me, they get under my skin by creating a depressing energy of projected failure, devaluing the meaning of what we do, snapping, ignoring me when I walk in the morning, inviting me on hate-spree conversations etc.

    1. Yes they will inevitably target someone who is an empath, they will be draw to the empath. In terms of professional life, I am working on a book about the narcissist in the workplace which will shed further light on what you describe.

      1. Put yourself in my shoes. A matri and patrinarc and a bronarc raised me, I was schooled surrounded by female narcs, university and my first boyfriend, and then achieved success but surrounded by narcs. I’m stll only trained to do a very specialised job and not sure what else to do. IN my history I can see that there are some narc bosses who didn’t hurt me but they had to have no jealousy and no interest in what I was doing.
        The worst for a talented young woman is a female older narc boss. They just cannot, cannot do it.
        I’ve taken leave to get better from the last onslaught but to be honest, I think I could reach the point where I don’t care even if there are horrible narcs around. I just don’t care about them.

          1. Defence, more acceptance. One must live and achieve one’s dreams. But you are right, every day that passes, the heart dies a little. I frequently resort to fascinated observing for entertainment and while working independently. Which resulted in co-dependency (without me knowing).

  16. Wow! I had no idea how difficult this would be! Taking my mind back to the very beginning and remembering all the the things he said and did that made no sense at the time. Everything was told to me in secret code. I swear he knows exactly what he is and it was all a twisted game to see if I could figure it out! He would always say “You can’t read my poker face” He would even sing that stupid Lady Gaga song just randomly out of no where. He would also say “You have to figure it out” a lot. He really did have secret codes he wanted me to unlock. I keep finding more as I remember things. Is this a common thing for your kind HG? Do want us to know what you are? I am having a hard time keeping my anger in check right now! I want to confront him and tell him that I have it figured out and deliver him with a big “fuck you!!!” I know you advise against this HG, but I’m having a hard time fighting that urge off! I am beyond mad… I’m fucking pissed!!!!

      1. Thank you HG. I appreciate all you have done and continue to do. I just don’t know what to do with all this anger I have right now! I feel like a complete fool! I can see him sitting there drinking his beer with that smirk thinking he won. He’s not even that fucking great! I have no problems finding a date or attracting men. He should’ve felt proud to have me! I hope he gets fat from all that beer he drinks!!! Ugh… are you sure it would not be wise of me tell him these things???

        1. Your response is understandable and common. You are still processing the emotion as a consequence of your encounter. Feel free to vent here. It is a contained environment. Remember, if you rant at him, it is just fuel and you will be prolonging the pain.

          1. Thank you HG. I really thought I could contain these emotions by understaning and learning, but I have failed. I have absorbed your every word so I have not ranted to him, tempting as it may be. I shall hand this fuel to you.

          2. I do still hope he gets fat while chugging his only fuel left from a beer can 😂 That little bit of hope will never change!

      2. I do apologize HG for the tantrum and my foul language. You may wish to keep my last comment to yourself. This is not the time or place for it. Again, I am sorry.

    1. B, I totally understand. I chose to write about the lesser because of safe territory. Because there’s nothing there at all. However, I considered the midrange and now I am experiencing a setback. Both, with NPD however completely different. The mid Webster dictionary perfect fit. Interesting fact is, I knew he was a narc within a few weeks. I was unable to escape his tendrils; I was drawn in like steel to a magnet. I would love to say that I have overcome this Narc, unfortunately I haven’t. Maybe, it’s due to remorse, but the fact remains when I close my eyes with thoughts of him I realize I lack control and power.

      1. Thank you Entertainment for sharing that. I knew from day one that their was something different about him. I did not see them them as red flags, oh no not I. He was being true and real to who he was… so I thought. I will go into that more with what I submit. I did apologize to HG for my tantrum. This is all so new to me and I am still learning. I am not sure how I will handle his return this time, knowing what I have learned during this last and final silent treatment he has given. I just hope that my anger has passed by this time.

  17. I didn’t realize how daunting this was going to be. Ugh, I decided to use the lessor N. What’s interesting had I not just experience 2 life changing stressful events I wouldn’t have given that person 5 minutes of my time.

  18. Hi HG! Good morning Sir! Thank you so so much for all your postings on narcissism… through your creative writing and explicit detail I have been able to understand more and more and more on narcissism…. Awakening is such an amazing title, I was actually wondering why you hadn’t written one before? Brilliant idea. I will gather my thoughts together and send on my 1000 words. The reason why am sending this email to you personally, is because I feel my case is different and very personal because of where I am now…. but if I get a reply from you, I will elaborate more and I also feel that this is one topic that you will actually be very interested in….so ThankYou once again Sir for enlightening me on this massive massive condition. God bless you.. Regards, Sarah

    Sent from my iPhone


  19. I will write my story to you… it’s painful and it was in just four short years… I knew something was not right but it was my desire to be in my marriage and my actual weakness that was preyed upon. I will submit mine. I will work on this week. I’m still in PTSD. Interesting how I was his 3rd wife and 9 months before our divorce he was already in a relationship and posting it????

      1. Yes, I would like to. I am glad we have a little time, it will take some time for me to pinpoint or gather the gradual clues over many years and put it all in descriptive informative words.

          1. I am having a terrible time keeping this to 1000 words, but this is just the first draft, I will condense condense condense …..I guess it was easier to pinpoint after all…some things just need a little push, some memories are burned into your brain forever.

          2. Anna, it helped me to copy and paste HG’s directions/questions, as soon as I had it in front of me it made it a lot easier to keep it in context, it is amazing once you start how all of a sudden you can zero in.

  20. I would like to mention that I would like to negotiate with you. I will tell said story but, I would like a portion of the profits for my contribution to the book. Also, if anyone would like a private consult with me, you will find me under FTW Undercutters. Oh and is that fee per hour or minute? Lol.

      1. Are these the correct addresses?

        Mr. Conner Stratagem
        The Couch Casting Agency
        c/o Mr. H. G. Tudor
        919 Shomee Damoney St.

        Mr. A. Shyster
        Dewey, Cheatum and Howe
        c/o Mr. H. G. TUDOR
        1909 Ambulance Chaser Way

    1. BE, I think you should write the forward – you know, the very complimentary intro that talks about how great the author and his work are. 🙂

      How about it HG?

          1. It please she
            That it pleases HG
            It shall flow with admiration
            It shall glow with adulation
            All will be as it should be
            Just for you, my dear HG


  21. I guess I will need to log on to desk top and gather my thoughts. The lessor is easy the 2 mid-range/ lessor may cause triggers. Will you accept screenshots/ texts or emails as examples?

      1. Curious if you will accept screenshots of texts or emails, does that count as an exhibit or towards our 1,000 word limit?
        I’m mulling over how and what I want to share.

  22. In addition to what I mentioned earlier, I notice the effect on me has been:

    Doubt the world and myself (evidence has shown I don’t deserve love and there is no security)

    Overwhelming guilt and depression at being unable to stop abuse towards me or other people

    Hopelessness that this goes unchecked

    Need to correct what happened or what they said to “prove” I didn’t deserve it and need to correct their sadness

    Growing up too quickly and acting (at work) as the boss because they have no morals

    General listlessness and lack of life purpose (because they didn’t have one)

    Sadness at the story.

  23. Sir Tudor, I have complied and submitted. I’m a very good, obedient, victim. Somehow it was 1000 words exactly so it must have been meant to be. And yes, please use my ???!! for sure, should you choose such exquisite writing as mine. I see that you definitely did respond to my other ??? with a book, in response. Well, I definitely ask and you definitely answer. I will read and answer it later. Yes, mine is a story. I will explain. Thanks so much for answering as I was very curious as to your response. Thank you.

  24. I have too many to write about but briefly,

    – We are in a moment and it has much more meaning to me than them. I am having an experience and they are flailing towards a hole and trying to grab things around them to bring them ‘back out’ and feel secure again. The moment doesn’t have any effect on them.

    – They are not ‘participating’ in the world as such as having a character and wanting to contribute with it to better society or develop real bonds. They are disconnected.

    – That serenity and contentment state I’m in makes them jittery and nervous.

    – They wake up and look in the mirror with longing, confusion, and practise facial expressions.

    – In my worst case with someone very damaged, the sense I could die right next to him and he wouldn’t care. For a brief period I saw the world through his eyes and felt nothing positive toward any place or person. I walked in that ghost town. I had a brief sensation he had killed someone in the past but I cannot be sure.

    – In general society, you can sense insincere compassion and drive for power instead of looking out for others.

    1. I have never heard a description so familiar… You dissected him in ways I haven’t even been able to, yet. Chills.
      He mirrored me initially; apprehensive, though more so than I, so early on, I was comfortable to be comforting of him, more confident. It mutated, I noticed him trying to conceal his pride in “anxiety” – fishing?We’d “bond” through our body dysmorphic disorders, and he’d trigger me, I’d “trigger” him. So, he “fixed” my hair, influenced my style until I was nothing more than his shadow. When I wasn’t living up to the impossible standards, he treated me as if I betrayed him – and as if I was betraying myself, and as if he as betraying myself. He had our identities completely mixed at times, but the next he would be incredibly distant, private, and tell me “it’s none of your business”. He would ask to come over to my apartment and ignore me; while in bed with his back turned screech that he needed space. He saw me as an accessory, and I don’t mean “trophy”, but he needed me to be in his image, boost his ego for a time, discard me, over, and over, and over, and… 75 + times. And he’s sick, right? :’D This is 1/100th of the story.

  25. I loved your other books where you included your readers questions and then you provided the answers.
    Awakened is perfect!
    Another great idea for a book.

  26. I just realized I didn’t follow instructions. Got ahead of myself and didn’t finish reading the post. Whoops.

  27. I will have to think about this. I haven’t an exact moment, though this may be therapeutic for me. And, very interesting to read others stories 👍🏻😊Hmmm, when is the due date?

    1. Hi Indy, I have not set one, but roughly a couple of weeks, I will post a final call for submissions down the line. I do hope you will submit something as I think it will be well worth reading.

  28. Intriging HG, to write out what and how things went. You do know how to get a girl to talk. 😉
    You do have some of the most brillant idea!

  29. For me it was very gradual. I mentioned to HG, in an email, the frog in the pot of water anecdote. By the time I realized I was being boiled alive, it was too late. Oh I knew there was something wrong to be sure. At first I thought it was a sexual addiction that he could just fix right up with some therapy. And he was just so pitiful! The crying, the sobbing, the begging, after I caught him cheating and was breaking up with him and his abandonment issues and me living three hours away and him having to watch me leave from the window just like he had to watch his mother leave when he was a kid, never knowing if I was going to come back! 😂😂👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼. I’m just a juicy morsel filled with love compassion and nurturing, so of course I wouldn’t abandon him! I had lost a husband to suicide so I was going to make sure I was there for this person that I loved and show him he could count on me. It wasn’t until almost 8 years later and my life destroyed that I realized he was a soul sucker and there was no hope. He really had me convinced that he just had some psychological issues that he was going to deal with them in therapy and that he loved me more than anything on earth. he did go to great links to convince me of this I will have to say that. he did a lot of things for me or rather a lot of things to get my fuel. Still does.

    1. That’s exactly what they do! His current victim totally knows it but still gets sucked in really badly…shes a wreck and can’t escape.

      The Narc has been caught on a stolen item by local Police Dept. but fighting hard with lies and twist to cover and justify his actions and behaviour. Just all so incredibly sick.

  30. HG, you have some of the most wonderful ideas and ways of teaching our to people!! Your amazing!! Xxx

  31. I sent my essay in. Do we win a prize? I did not include so much but enough to get the jest of it.
    Feel free to ask if you have more questions.

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