The Narcissistic Truths – No. 1

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83 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No. 1”

  1. Its still intact. ❤
    Yes my self esteem took a beating – so did my mental state, but my heart still beats, loud and strong. Its so resilient that each of us empath bloggers here have given a piece of ours to you ❤

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  2. In previous posts you have stated that our strength is part of what makes us prime targets to your kind. If strength is directly proportional to fuel supply why try to destroy and manipulate the source?
    Is it because there is no power in enhancing it? Is it because we may get the wrong idea that we are far superior to the likes of you?
    If the rules were laid ou, consistent and accepted by the adult consenting parties, would it not be equally satisfactory?
    I’m sure that there are plenty of women out there willing to park their brains in the street and be happily subservient with or without drama. I guess the hunt is more challenging/satisfying when the innocence and surprise factor remain intact.

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    1. As I have explained before I do not try to destroy anybody. Something destroyed is no use to me. The ill-effects that a victim suffers from my manipulations is regarded as a side effect. it is the negative fuel that I want.
      Do you think that if I told somebody precisely what was going to happen and be expected of them by engaging with me as a primary source who is an intimate partner they would consent?

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      1. Very good question Mr. Tudor. I have to think about the answer. Its not an instant and absolute ‘NO’, at least for me.
        Out of curiosity, do you have an IP now?

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      2. I do not believe you are at the golden period because that would take too much of your time. You would not have enough time for us. I do not believe you are at discard, because that too would take a lot of your time loving bombing the new target. I think you are at devaluation with occasional reprieves.
        Are your actions in the relationship any different now that you’ve had extensive time in therapy and interactions with the bloggers on your site?

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      3. Narcissist are liars I think some sad woman killing herself as a result of their destructive manipulation is their greatest source of supply. she died because I did not want her wow I am God or what.

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      4. It is not Elizabeth because a dead appliance is an appliance that can no longer provide fuel and therefore the death of an appliance is not something that we would want. it may well be said to someone to gain fuel and in some instances where there is a loss of control, an appliance might be killed, but achieving the suicide of an appliance is not the hit that people think it is.

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      5. Lol. Idk how this came into my line of sight. Who cares if you aren’t a billionaire? It wouldn’t make me want you more…or less.

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  3. HG I want to make sure I am understanding your comment correctly, it’s the negative fuel you most desire, right? I understand positive is the easier to extract of the two.
    If a primary could give this and consent this would be a match, correct?

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    1. Positive is easier to obtain. The negative from an intimate partner however cannot be obtained without the golden period and the positive fuel first, not in the required quantities. Obviously, if I began devaluing a new girlfriend from the start she would just depart – no fuel whatsoever. With regard to your question do you mean if a primary would give negative fuel and consent?

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  4. Aim for the heart…the toughest but most tender part of the body…In a heated argument about 10 years back now, I stated outloud…”You know you are killing me slowly every day”, to which his reply was an astounding and immediate…Yup !!…my eyes were opened at that moment like never before…and the true games became a foot from that day forward more so than ever. Flash forward 7 years. We have been separated for 2.5 years then…he returns to the matrimonial home at a request from myself to drop off a needed document or the such.
    He dosn’t bring it but comes to say I’ll see you in a couple days and bring it then. I was supposed to leave there that day or early next. I was only there temporairly those days tying up lose ends after having to sell our home and move.
    I was left to look after everything. The house, his posessions he did not want to take so that he could run faster and leave me boggled down with all the paper work, 3 hr trips, the animals and you can imagine all the other etc etc etc. As he turned to leave after making his statement, I snapped like I never had before. A gutteral and then verbal screem came from within me the likes of which even I had never seen in myself before and i’ve had some duzeys.
    I arose from my chair at what was our kitchen table and upon my standing grabbed another chair in front of me and started walking and as I headed for the doorway to which he was walking through before me, I raised that chair above my head and I swear, he was gonna wear it as his new crown. In an instant… I stopped myself short… (cause I love the Bastard) and… he took one more step. I smashed my chair to the ground and broke it, lost my balance and fell backward and cracked a bone in my hand on the way down. Of course he was at first unaware as his back was toward me and he was still so smug with glee… his mind still drunk with power from his last statement which just 10 short seconds ago had been uttered from his lips as he stood there so smug hands on hips rocking a bit back and forth. The sounds from all of this turned him around quick, his reaction??…turn back toward the door and start to head out. When his hand hit the handle I jumped up to a standing straight position like I had springs for feet. As the door opened, I grabbed the back of his sweater and I had the death grip on him.
    He struggled pushing on the door frame trying to get enough leverage to get me off him. Now this is where I tell you that a friend of both of ours was there. As I got up from the table with the chair, they had got up too and followed us but could not stop the first part. The friend is 6’4 and had a very hard time to get me to release my grip. I knocked my spouses hat off…tried to slap him around the face a bit…got a few good kicks in and that was about it before they both managed to get me to let go. My spouse walked out the door and ran for his shiny new $60.000.000 Red monster size extended cab truck that he was using my money to pay for each month. I followed…what happened next was not pretty either. He locked the doors and sat reving it like a mad man…cold stare and black eyes…I’ll leave out the finer details of this suffice it to say…I ended up in the bushes/trees to avoid, he lost his mirror backing out of the trees…(5 acre hobby farm)…our friend recieves a text on his phone from him some hour later as we are pulling into the parking lot of the hospital…message…how is she…”I KNOW SHE IS NOT OK”…no reply went back to him to satisfy him…this was the only and ever time we or things ever got that way with us physically. Neither of us abused that way ever before ever physically in 27 years to that degree. We both got a good schock that day…but needless to say after almost 5 years of separation, we are still playing games…mostly from a distance and we see each other rarely. I lived with lessor and mid range as a child and married into a family of midrange to greater variety of Narcissists. At that time of this happening I had a combined mix of over 48 years worth of everything you can imagine. This is what I too HG like yourself am trying to warn the others of here that have not gone as long term with all of this as I. Btw…I got rid of that truck and that and the rest is a whole other story ;). I liked the picture post and caption…but this is where it took me in my head this morning HG. Much respect and best wishes. EB-S.

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    1. “Much respect and best wishes”. I question what you have experienced to be true. If it were, why then, would you believe a word HG to be telling to be true? I. Doubt. Every. Word. Every. Word.

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      1. Hey again Kristie,

        MUCH RESPECT FOR COMING ON HERE AND SPEAKING SO OPENLY AND FREELY……

        I am surprised you have not been zoned in on yet however….. I surprised the hardcore HG “fans” have not driven you out yet….

        It seems to me that a number of you missed this comment of mine yesterday on an alternative thread…. and seeing’s though our most gracious host, HG himself, has personally invited me back….. oh and he has also given me Express permission to speak as openly and freely as I desire so with that in mind I will re share my post from yesterday on a couple of threads now as I think it is extremely valid to the situation that is becoming more and more problematic here…..

        “What I dont understand……

        Is why ANYBODY needs “slaughtering” by HG’s fans!!!

        HG is a bog boy who is certainly well and truly capable of taking care of himself!!!

        AND…. he moderates and approves all these comments…. if something TRULY upset or offended him… do you really think he would approve it??

        And if he still did approve it….. then are all his “fans” blind to the fact that it was likely posted as a means of creating a very fuel rich, dramatic environment??!!

        Its all the same sorts of behaviours HG HIMSELF has been educating us all about for how long now??!!

        Yet you still couldnt see through what this is??

        Ofcourse…. no offense to you HG but its very true…. you have been educating us all about these EXACT sorts of behaviours to create never ending fuel for you….. correct?? Lol.

        Cheers HG”

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      2. To describe it as slaughtering is somewhat melodramatic but of course those who appreciate what I do, respond in my defence for four main reasons:-
        1. Their empathic nature drives them to do so;
        2. They have their own opinion and disagree with the opinion which may attack me, they are of course entitled to advance that opinion;
        3. The attack is often based on misunderstanding or prejudice; and
        4. I am bound by my 5 rules.

        I am not served by creating a very fuel rich dramatic environment because as I have repeatedly pointed out that because I do not know anybody who posts here, in real life, then the level of fuel obtained (and I have never denied I gain fuel) is low. Moreover, I prefer debate than ill-thought out and misguided attacks. So no, I have not been educating people to create never ending fuel for me, I am doing it as I enjoy writing, as part of my treatment and I want people to understand the way that I think and act so they interact with me in order to discuss me further.

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      3. Hello HG!

        Yes. Me again. Thorn in your side? Perhaps. I am wondering what you are seeking treatment for? Certainly not for NPD or your Sociopathy. That would be a conundrum. I will not be responding again. In fact, I didn’t intend to respond at all.
        Oh, kick my head around. Nice! Can’t reason with crazy so I will disregard who ever made that comment! Peace!!!

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      4. Hello Kristie “Thomas” McCormicK…Yes…you read that correctly…”Much respect and best wishes” was intentional and meant as sincere and I can assure you that every word of my story was true.
        Want to know why I offer him my respect or anything else, you have but to ask but I would suggest that you have a great deal of understanding to get to before you get to where I am.
        I always had a great deal of respect for my partner and my parents to spite.
        I am a respectful person but I choose weather each situation warrants my respect these days where as when younger I may have given it away to easily.
        HG deserves this respect as well. The same as I believe you do this time for I have entertained you with a reply which is respectful.
        I am serious…ask away. My suggestion to you is read and read and then…read some more. Study those archived posts like your life depended on it…because it does, then, ask away till you get it…still don’t get it??…ask away…nicely. You have found out and will continue to see that “we” the majority collective here, are very protective of our beloved. We want you to be here. we want you to get something from being here…we don’t want to have to take your head off and make you a new one with what is left after we have kicked it around the block. some of us are…very very tired and not easily amused. We have been taught well like HG to be of ( to quote one of my favorite authors) “red tooth and claw” too…and we have been taught by the best.
        “Much respect and best wishes”

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  5. HG have you ever discarded a new IP for a previous IP ? For example while you were idealizing a new woman were you at the same time trying to bring back the golden period with a previous girlfriend saying you will change and leave the new IP for her if you had one more chance?

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      1. And if the previous girlfriend came back and said she wanted to give you another chance what do you do about the current girlfriend ?

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      2. That is torture . You and my ex are the master of pain and agony in its most intense form that is for sure . I want to know what is the most twisted and dramatic act you have ever done to gain fuel . How far have you taken it ? I want to know the worst of the worst . Or even do an article about the one event where it may have gone to far .

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  6. Yes, I do think that some people would consent.
    Some women are culturally taught to put up with whatever the husband/men in their life does or say (even physical abuse).
    Some other woman are raised in an environment where mental abuse is all they know: being with a Narc is Familiar territory, they can navigate the waters and get through the labyrinths. They can’t function outside of Narcville.
    Some women who have gone through it, do go back; even, when they know exactly what the guy is capable of. They return to the torment with eyes wide open, be it for the “amazing” sex, the gifts of the golden period, their need to love and be loved, the illusion of being able to fix the impossible, or because they are plain masochist (I’m not judging).

    Granted: the supply of willing participants would be lower than the liberal amounts of unsuspecting targets your kind can lure in pretending to be Mr. Fabulous.

    Destruction may be collateral damage from your perspective.

    Given the accounts from the victims, in many cases, their world pretty much collapsed -some- with serious physical, financial, and emotional consequences.

    Also, from the readings, I understand that the end justify the means. It’s all about the precious fuel.

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    1. An interesting response Blackwidow and I do not disagree with your first paragraph however would you say that in all the excellent examples you cited the individual is told exactly what is going to happen to them, they are told this at the outset and they consent? I say they do not. It is far more subtle, complicated and insidious than that, at the outset. If I said to a prospective victim on the first date,
      “I am going to make you fall madly in love with me, I will treat you like a queen for say a year, it might be less, it might be more, you will not know love like it, I will make you fell ultra special, I will give you the best sex you have ever known, i will but you things, take you places, your friends and family will adore me. then i will become cold and distant, i will abuse you in lost of different ways. I will have affairs. I will belittle you, demean you, control you, I will isolate you from your family and friends. I will stop you doing what you want to do. I will have you frightened, anxious, confused and miserable. Suddenly I will be lovely to you again and everything will be wonderful. Then I will be horrible to you again. Then lovely. The horrible. You won’t know why and i won’t tell you. I will twist everything, I will blame you for everything, I will make you think everything is your fault. Then I will walk off and leave you. I will not explain why. I will tell everyone you are an abusive lunatic who tried to poison me. I will smear your name left, right and centre. I will leave you shattered. As you start to pick yourself up and piece yourself together again I will then re-appear and tell you I loved you all along, I am sorry and i will change so you fall in love with me again.”
      Do you think they would consent to that?

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      1. I do not believe you would want the woman will consent. I believe you want them completely unsuspecting and bewildered. This reminds me of a male friend of mine. He had quite a specific taste in the bedroom. This taste would require a woman with skills and an open mind. Yet he only dated extremely prude women, even virgins. Later when he introduced them to his fetish, he’d be disappointed and frustrastrated that they didn’t want to engage. When I suggested he should change his target market, he said he wanted the cold conservative type, because he wanted to break them. He wanted to be the one that turned them from good to bad.

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      2. Of course I do not want them to consent to everything that is to come because if they did this would affect the provision of their fuel. Nor do i believe that anybody would consent to it, not when it is laid out like that.

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      3. Sadly enough, I still think there are women out there that will gladly sign up.
        Why are the Hoover attempts so successful?
        How many of your followers do you think would gladly accept an offer for a weekend in the Greek Islands or the Swiss Alps with you knowing fully well how you see the world/women and your need for fuel? All this without even knowning what you look like , what you do, or who you really are.
        Again, I’m not jusgemental.

        *Disclaimer: before all the reading I’ve done, I would have had a different opinion.

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      4. Interesting.
        Hoover attempts succeed for numerous reasons. One of them is that the victim is still unaware of what they are dealing with and thinks the golden period will return. Another reason is they return to end the pain of discard – of course not realising they are in for another dose down the line.
        I actually think nearly all would accept such a proposal because it is a weekend, they will only experience the charming side of me, they will be curious to meet me and they will also want to flex their new found defences in respect of the master.
        No, I know you are not being judgemental, I think you make valid points and it is a worthwhile debate.

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      5. Those very same people probably would… as you stated in another blog they would just brush it off as a joke or think that it wouldn’t happen to them. Or they would leave you when you started the devalue to discard stage.

        And I am with Love… I guess my heart is made of Carbyne… I need excitement.

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      6. Which would you guess, HG? You are thrilling and enticing and your voice makes me salivate and you are a narcissist…but my eyes are open now….not to mention I’ve said many times which way I’d run.

        Besides…if I spent a weekend with you, I would want to spend it someplace not like the Islands or the Alps. Sorry to disappoint.

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      7. True. As I turned the other way, I would do so in such a manner that you wouldn’t take notice and give chase. I wouldn’t be a blip on the radar.

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  7. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XgeKHTcufLY

    And with one kiss
    You inspired a fire of devotion
    That lasted for twenty years
    What kind of man loves like this?

    To let me dangle at a cruel angle
    Oh my feet don’t touch the floor
    Sometimes you’re half in and then you’re half out
    But you never close the door

    Many would consent. And some are cool like Florence Welch and write kick ass songs about it.

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    1. Love Florence, have all her music. Great Post bloody_elemental.

      I think I need intense relationships. I have always had the control. I need someone that is strong enough to take the wheel for once in my damn life.
      I can’t relinquish the control. I try. I really do. As she smiles like the Cheshire Cat.

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      1. Ah Oh,
        Maybe they will be the one that can handle you. Let’s see how long they can stay in the game. The one that you pick, are they narcissistic types? I’m not judging here, I really would like to know.

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      2. Hi Ah Oh. I’ve also wondered what you are when I’ve read your responses. I’m not trying to label you. Just curious.

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      3. Yesssssss, excellent post B E. I love the depth and relevance.

        Ah Oh, I’m right there with ya. Love the intensity too. That is the hook for me. And the addiction for me. It’s my weak spot that I have to watch. Not sure if I ever can go bland. I too am tougher now. I used to release control though grew out of that. Now, I’m a force to be reckoned with once that boundary is crossed. I love the battle and hate it too. Battle scars suck.

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    2. Fantastic choice here B&T….

      Im all in…. how about you?? Do you go all in too B&T??

      Kick ass song indeed!!!! Loved it… thanks for sharing B&T

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  8. For some reason these are the only relationships I can be in, where im controlled and what not. I wouldn’t know what to do w a man that treated me good. If that’s even an option.

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    1. Welcome to the club, Angel. Its surprisingly great here. You get your bad boy fix: Mr. Tudor is one of the biggest and baddest narcs around. And you also learn about yourself and them in a safe environment. Enjoy

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      1. He eats craps and will die he is just a deranged man, he cannot save himself how can he save you. I hate all narcs would like to be their slayer.

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      1. Such as I …….. There is a first for everything. I refuse to believe someone is born without the ability to love and if it developed over time in childhood then I believe it can be reversed somehow. I do not believe Mr Tudor wants to know what it feels like to feel real love . I think if he ever did feel it he would deny it and pretend like it never happened .

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      2. The love you not as a person but as an object like you love your mobile phone. We are all distressed when our mobiles phones malfunction or is lost or stolen, that feeling is as good as it gets with a narcissist. they replace you asap and though they may mourn your loss a little.

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  9. I was raised by a narcissistic mother, somewhere in my youth I accepted that she was not interested in me and I stopped trying to win her love or attention, i became indifferent to her almost dismissive but I tolerated her up until I was 54 because she is my mother. My work contract was not renewed so i had no money to give to her anymore, in her disappointment came the final devaluation and discard she said she never wanted me and even confessed to trying to abort me. I looked at her ugly shrivelled face and stayed silent i would not lower myself to respond to her illiterate tirade. I was glad the old shot gun was not loaded and we never replaced the shells. So I swallowed my anger as I had learned early to do, walked away and never looked back. That was five years ago. Now one would think that she would be happy but no she tells every one who will give her an ear that I have dismissed her from my life for no good reason….sigh whatever. . If I could say anything to her now it would be an old cliche “frankly my dear I don’t give a damn.” Who the hell does she thing she is anyway . She did not create me my God as I understand him did and he gave me the gift of life so that I can enjoy every little thing I can and strength to endure the suffering until he calls me home. To hell with narcissist psychopaths and all other crazies who try to make your life miserable, there is nothing wrong with you that cannot be fixed , on the other hand they are damned and ruined forever, making others as miserable as they are is there only solace.

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  10. Really? Do you claim to be cognizant of THIS and still continue to do what you do? After all I have been through with this, I am still finding it hard to believe that there are people who have such little regard for anyone else. Be happy! You scored a point! Yay You!

    P.S. FUCK YOU
    WE WIN!

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  11. Holy shit!! People. He is feeding off all of you. He is loving it!!!!! Positive or negative doesn’t matter. Ask advice, tell him he is spot on….whatever! Just read what has been written. You want to get away from this mess? narcissism? Stop feeding them! I am here because I was tricked. Like all of you are. RIGHT. FUCKING. NOW.

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    1. Hello Kristie,
      My name is FTW. I have been interested in your statements. I will tell you that I understand that frustration you exhibit. However, have you considered the idea that you cannot control another person? It is only how they allow themselves to be treated. If one decides to praise or fuel someone it is a choice. Your empathetic nature shows through in that you are trying to warn others, which is a noble pursuit. If people decide to remain in denial, let them. They will all ultimately choose what they want. Do not frustrate yourself over the fact that others are doling out fuel. It has been told that it doesn’t amount to much. It’s their choice. Personally I had one question I needed answered here. It was provided. Since I was only concerned with that, I just watched and commented to the rest for fun. As of late, I haven’t had the desire to read what is written, I have had no desire to comment as I have all the information I need about narcissistic behavior. I seen your comment in an email. I did feel like responding. I see what happens here in this arena. You see part of it. Look at the variety of comments. The personality behind them. If you pay attention to the writing style you can feel what type of person is making the comments and why. Some need specific answers. Others need to purge. Some like attention. Some antagonize. Some are humorous. Others praise the writer or praise each other. This forum hosts a variety of people. That is a beautiful thing to have. There are varieties in all creation. Think of how many different types of flowers, fragrances, colors, animals, etc…that there are. The variety of characters on this blog is what makes it interesting. How one type of man or woman, in this case narcissistic, sees the world and how women or men react to that mentality make life interesting. My suggestion to you is to enjoy that variety and realize that reality is what makes for good drama. This blog is real life drama. It is some truth, some fiction. There is one person who controls what is posted. Your warnings are thus futile. As much as some do need to be warned you are banging your head against a brick wall. In life and this blog you have to take the good with the bad. With all due respect some are not as inclined to warn like you. They are sheep to the slaughter. You cannot save them, even though I am sure you are superwoman.

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