NarcMagnet

narc-magnet

You are a magnet. You attract our kind. You have done so at least once and you will continue to do so. Again and again. There is no hope for anything else. As an empath, super empath or co-dependent you radiate with the traits which draw us to you. Hitherto you had no awareness that this was the case. You would enter a room and be oblivious to the heads that turned your way as our kind detected your presence. You would have noticed that you were receiving the attention of people, but back then you had no knowledge of who was engaging with you or why that was the case. You have several sets of traits which appeal to us. These are the empathic traits, the class traits and the special traits. It is your empathic traits which stand out most of all.

These are evident in the way that you behave, the words you say, the gestures you use and the expressions that form on your face. The way your interact with people, the way you look about a room, the way you walk, the way you sit, the place you decide to sit and so many other things indicate to us your empathic nature. In the same way that everything we do is marked with the taint of our narcissism, everything that you do is stamped with the essence of your empathic traits.

When you walk into the hunting ground of our kind, you are identified promptly as exhibiting potential. It as if you give off a fuel signature, like some kind of scent which our kind smells and recognises as soon as you come near. You once did not see the Lesser as he leant against the bar and noticed you as soon as you entered the premises, his eyes fixed on you as he observed your entrance. The Mid-Ranger would look up from where was sat and find himself drawn to you, that unmistakable essence which you give off, being picked up and identified. Both Lesser and Mid-Range would not know why they wanted to engage with you save that they felt a compulsion to do so.

This need arises in the same way that a lion knows that it is hungry and therefore it must find some prey. The Lesser and the Mid-Ranger’s antennae twitch as you the empath walk through the bar. They are alerted to your presence and then they will watch and pick up on the other indicators which tell them what you are.

The Greater sees you and knows what you are. His lascivious grin indicative of the thoughts which are running through his mind as he begins to assess your suitability. You are signalling to him who you are, that you are empathic, that fuel is passing him by and an opportunity has presented itself.

Once upon a time you were oblivious. You walked through this den of narcissistic intent, unaware of the parasitic creatures that waited to climb down from their waiting perches so that they could engage with you, coil about you and draw you into their web with their silver-tongues and charm. You just thought they were being pleasant, polite and taking an interest. You had no idea how much danger you were in as you allowed your empathic traits to shine like a beacon. Each and every day you radiated these traits, issuing a sub-conscious “come and get me” to our kind. How good it felt to receive this attention. How pleasant it was to be courted in this manner.

As our kind picked up on your empathic scent and were drawn to you, they sought additional confirmations, assessing your class traits and hopefully special traits too, through a combination of instinct and design, dependent on which school of narcissist you had engaged with.

You do this as as easily as you inhale and exhale. Your traits are imprinted on you and they are indelible. They are part of your core and you cannot remove them. You cannot flick a switch and turn off these empathic traits. They are you. Imagine you will if some kind of glasses were created which allowed a physical representation of your empathic traits as hues of red light. If one donned those glasses and looked into this hunting ground as above, a bar perhaps, then one would see several things.

First there would be the normals who would have a slight red glow about them, indicating some empathic traits but limited in number and extent. There would be the dark and empty spaces which are where our kind lurk, the empathic traits completely devoid. Next one would see the dancing trails of scarlet and rose that signify the empath. The roaring flames of riotous red which blaze and indicate the presence of the super empath and then the supernova of bright red which is the signature of the co-dependent. As your gaze swept the room, one would see these differing hues and varying intensity, all indicative of the ever present empathic traits.

It is impossible for you to become incognito. You are unable to remove your empathic traits. You cannot switch them off and pass undetected. Accordingly, you will always stand out to our kind. You will always be identifiable, you will be seen and therefore if our kind is in the vicinity, whether physically proximate or through the accessibility of technology, we will be drawn to you. Like sharks which scent blood, like the hungry dog which smells meat, we pick you out and converge on you in anticipation of the fuel that will flow from you.

You will aways be a magnet for our kind. You have been created with empathic traits and you will always keep them. You will remain that beacon which we see and flock to. You will always attract us.

Of course you may learn to dampen down the manifestation of your empathic traits by altering some of your behaviours. Certain actions, words and gestures might be reduced, lessened and altered to reduce the extent of the empathic traits which you exhibit, but your traits always shine through and you cannot maintain this cloaking for long. It is contrary to who you are how you conduct yourself. Your empathic traits or so extensive that even when you have suffered the beasting at our hands and mouths, that when you have been drained, numbed and exhausted, the empathic traits will remain.

The empath will not shine with them as brightly and following the full horror of the devaluation and discard, he empath will not function with such an obvious display of empathic traits because the brutality of the treatment will cause some diminution in function and display.

The super empath will continue to display these empathic traits because this person has the capacity to endure so much and then still have sufficient function to escape what has happened, once there is the eventual realisation as to what has happened. Once the super empath has had enough, they will seek their escape and their empathic traits continue to shine brightly.

The co-dependent, no matter how brow-beaten, how ground into the dirt he or she is, will continue to exhibit those empathic traits because the co-dependent would rather give you his or her last breath rather than take it for themselves. They continue to give, even when there seems there is nothing more that can be taken and thus their empathic traits remain on display.

This is why it is so often the case that you are almost passed from one of our kind to another. You are discarded but your empathic traits remain evident and thus another of our kind flocks to you, ready to gorge on the fuel which is generated by your empathic traits. Even if you escape, you continue to signal your suitability to us. You are unable to do anything other than stand out in this way.

It is only when you have gained the insight and understanding into knowing who it is that you keep attracting and why, that you finally learn what to watch out for. You cannot change what you are, indeed, why should you? What you can alter is your ability to identify us when we make that bee-line for you. As you radiate empathic traits, we also exhibit the narcissistic traits which once understood and once recognised in the behaviour of the everyday, mean you finally see and take notice of the red flags, flashing lights and blaring klaxons which herald this danger.

You will always be destined to be a magnet for us. That will never change. We will flock to you, be attracted to you and seek you out, our instincts seeking that scent of the empath which tells us that our needs will be met and fuel will be provided.

You will draw our interest and attention because the empathic traits flow from you. You will, once you gain the knowledge and understanding, know who it is who has joined you at the bar and flashed you that winning smile and then you can the seize the power.

 

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80 thoughts on “NarcMagnet”

  1. Very powerful post. All my life strangers have approached me in public places. (At stores, in lines, employees at businesses) and have told me their troubles. I listen to sad stories about illness, divorce and so on.

    Never understood why this happens. I’ve asked my friends and family if this happens to them, and they say people don’t approach them this way.
    Then they tell me it’s my fault – because I listen.
    Yes, I listen – but how do these strangers know this? How do they sense this? Especially when we’re quietly standing in line by ourselves, not even interacting with anybody.

    There has to be a switch that you can somehow teach us to turn off, HG? Somehow? You say we cannot change who we are, but how can we hide it? You’re the only one who can teach us how.
    I don’t want to glow red. 🙁 I want to blend in with the masses.

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    1. If you find yourself in the situation where you know the person is toxic and you don’t want to engage them, mirror their own qualities back at them, or just interrupt and talk about yourself. A lot. They will go away. 😉

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      1. Don’t mirror us, save for the silent treatment, you will only ignite our fury and make a bad situation worse. Disengage or talk about yourself, but do not mirror.

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      2. I understand mirroring is a sign of flattery HG yes? Surely it would only encourage the narc to engage more?

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      3. It is if you are mirroring during seduction, but if for example the narcissist shouts at you and you shout back, you are just providing fuel. If you mimc our behaviour, for instance tone or the way we are gesticulating, we know what you are doing and this amounts to a criticism because you are mocking us and thus our fury will be ignited with the consequences which follow.

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    2. HG, yeah. I have seen the fury from mirroring. Tested it. Haha. I guess what I meant by mirroring in this case is make it all about yourself, reflecting that back.

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  2. Is what makes you follow through with expending the energy to harvest the new source of fuel because they seem to offer something different than you’ve ever experienced before? I would think through the years, an appliance is an appliance is another appliance. No wonder they blend and you don’t differentiate much. It would have to take something really striking to make you pause and pursue someone new to really meet that shiny and new criteria, right?

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    1. You are correct that an appliance is an appliance is an appliance but what differs is the nature of the fuel. All that is needed to cause us to pursue somebody new is the diminution in the quality, frequency and quantity of the fuel provided by the incumbent primary source.

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      1. So, what then if you are in the seduction phase and feeling contented with a fuel supply, but you meet someone who makes you do a double-take meeting your criteria? Do you just make mental note to keep your eye on them for backup, or since there are never boundaries with you, do you pursue that? I guess I’m curious if you attempt some form of monogamy with each fresh start?

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      2. MLA/HG. Yup. I know this EXACT scenario first hand. Sad to say. As the primary. Didn’t know graphic details for many many years until I decided I had had enough with the lying triangulating bullshit and proved it. Boy. Do I know this one. Absolutely they string along the new interest as a secondary. They will do it for as long as they can get away with it.

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      3. HG. I have known for awhile now, but your response to MLA just confirmed to me, without a doubt, that I am dealing with one of the greater of “your kind”. Yowsa. That one hit. Hard. Thank you.

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      4. Meh! Hate those days when that happens. Treat yourself to an extra special reward to feel better.

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  3. I agree with Hope! I am the exact same and my daughter points it out all the time to me. She said “they” can spot me. Another reason I wear sunglasses all the time now.
    I always thought people just thought I was nice and approachable.

    You are right as usual HG. Even though I have changed from being with your kind I can’t change my wiring. I thought I would turn into a mean bitch but I can’t ( lol ).
    You taught me what I should be aware of and I have stopped conversations and interactions with people that I wouldn’t have in the past. I do walk through my day with a different outlook on life but my empathic soul will stay where it’s at and only those who deserve will see it. You have taught me the most about myself and I’m am grateful.
    That was a great explanation. Made me emotional as usual.

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  4. What I find incredibly awesome about the above referenced truths about myself as the amazing woman that I am is;
    I will remain as I am however because my discernment has increased in detecting and reading a narcissist at the onset of any communication, I see him coming from 20 paces.
    And with this new knowledge, insight and wisdom, I am able to very quickly deliver the results of my reading so that HE knows- I ain’t her. Not anymore.
    It’s quite empowering to know that whether he’s a novice narc with sooooo much charm oozing from his walk, or a professional narc who immediately jumps on the ingratiation wagon, I am able to smile and convey- Keep it movin. I ain’t her.

    #FreeToBeMe

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  5. Dear Mr Tudor,
    Thank you for revealing this so clearly. The truths in this post create an almost overwhelming amount of emotion- particularly the sense that this is something that we cannot escape from. Like Hope above, I feel constantly overwhelmed by the weight of other people’s emotion and their need to share and have long understood that I represent ‘easy prey’ for your kind without fully understanding why. And yet… if you are so completely drawn to our ‘scent’ and your need for our fuel ( that only we can provides completely and for which you continue to return and return ) is so strong then surely, in some sense at least, we are not without power… experience (and pain) has taught me ..that on some level .. you might even fear us? Am I wrong? I would appreciate your insight into this. Thanks.

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      1. Intriguing answer…
        I have recognised that power .. But seizing it ? I honestly don’t think I’m there yet 🙂 I know that my honesty has caused terrifying narcissistic injury ( out of the need to be honest and gain integrity rather than the need to cause harm). And yet he returns .
        …it feels at times that the only way to hold onto some control ( and integrity) in the dynamic is to detach completely from it – which is rather a conundrum if the person is of importance to you. Does that make sense?

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      2. Indeed it does but as you recognise if you allow that person to flex their narcissistic muscles, it becomes difficult for you to assert control and you are also encouraging them by allowing them access to your fuel.

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    1. Echo,

      I really always admire how you go so deep into issues, and I have wanted to talk to you for sometime, but I will not lie when I say, I don’t exactly know what to say to your comments at times, but I still wanted to say hi 🙂

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      1. Hi Sarah,
        Thanks for reaching out… Hi is the perfect way:-)
        Just driven by the fact that care for someone who, like most of us here, is wounded . Unusually they recognise their narcism and are in voluntary therapy for it. My need to understand their actions has brought me to see that I must also look deep within myself and take responsibility for the part I play… just as everyone here seems to be doing. Not for the faint hearted -but I do believe (and Mr tudor may well tell me i’m being naive) that it is possible ,if we strive for mutual understanding, to achieve mutual respect.

        ” somewhere between right and wrong there is a garden. I will meet you there”

        thanks again.

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      2. “Somewhere between right and wrong there is a garden. I will meet you there.” That is a beautiful quote and was touching. I’ve never heard it before…but will always remember it.

        I think HG could agree that involuntary therapy isn’t always effective. I agree there are always 2 sides to every problem. I believe it is possible to have mutual understanding and respect…

        HG is that possible?

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      3. Hello again Sarah, just to clarify.. The therapy I mentioned is voluntary which I think gives hope for progress although not completely as I think the therapist dynamic ican just also be potentially another context for feeling special and receiving validation and fuel if he plays it well…

        As for the understanding and respect .. I think mr Tudor is suggesting that while the narc will always strive to understand ( for control purposes) he is highly unlikely to feel much RECIPROCAL respect for another beyond whatever use they prove to be … And yet deep down the narcissist’s self love and respect seems to be about zero. At the end of the day it’s recognising the extreme fragility behind it all that makes me continue to care .

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      4. Echo,
        Thanks for the clarification – I never want to hurt HG and feel that I ignite his rage because I am not smart enough to figure it out 🙁 because HG is the most brilliant person I have ever met IN MY LIFE. I suppose it’s so hard for me to imagine low self love or respect because he is so amazing and the most skilled tactician I have ever seen, but I know I have screwed up a million times, but don’t want to keep causing problems and I know he is angry with me so I wanted to say I am sorry for offending him, you, and everyone else – it really was not my intent, but I don’t want to hurt people or make them feel bad or make them angry and feel like the only way I can do that is not to talk. I can’t even figure out how to be an Echo, but the extreme fragility is what I don’t want to upset

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  6. Very well written HG.! You are absolutely right – I have no idea how to not be me. Over the years, I’ve learned to dim my glow, but it doesn’t last very long. Eventually my true self shines. What I’m learning now is how to identify N’s before I get past hello. Thanks again for the remarkable post.!

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  7. Oh FFS!!!

    This article is me…I’m a glaringly bright beacon…

    I think I’ve done it again…attracted some somatic gym bunny rock hard muscle…narc!

    The claxons are blaring…The red flags flying…I am again a moth flying towards the flame…what is wrong with me!? Why am I struggling to get away…I’m drawn to him…..

    He says he’s fallen in love with me…he can’t fall in love can he…In a few weeks…and declare my beauty like no other…he’s escalating risk with me…

    HG….Help me…😩

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    1. Hello Castiel,
      1. Of course you are drawn to him.
      2. You know what he is.
      3. You have the opportunity to evade his seduction. Where did you meet him? At the gym or elsewhere?

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    1. As you know Castiel it is meant to happen quick.

      I suggest you start by changing the time you attend the gym so you do not bump into him.
      Have you swapped mobile numbers?

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      1. Yes…We’ve been communicating…and I’ve seen him a couple of times…problem is I like him…but wary…I might have to send you a private email…

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  8. What happens when a psychopath meets a narcissist? Is a relationship possible or is it destined to fail? I appreciate your thoughts please. Also, I wanted to let you know that I love your writing and articles. Thank you for sharing your innermost thoughts with others.

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    1. Hello Phoenix, thankyou for your kind words and do keep reading. A psychopath may well utilise the narcissist for his or her own needs and the narcissist will also seek to do the same. The nature of these two individuals means that the outcome will be unsatisfactory for either of them and there will be a cessation. It depends on the type of narcissist as to how long the interaction will last and the nature of the cessation.

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  9. This is another great read. Ahhhh the red glow thing. Yes. Im sure thats me.
    Written in a way that makes me understand and relate.
    My problem is that I am way too transparent. I know this about myself, and tell myself to reign it in, ALL the time. But can I? No! Impossible! Can I pick a narc walking my way? No! Impossible. Its only after getting to know them for a few weeks, that I can see the signs. Thats the only way I can at least try to keep myself safe. No more ‘jumping’ into flattery and the like. So…it may not be much in the big scheme of things, but it is something.
    Yes. I have learned SOMETHING!
    Thank you HG. This blog will be read over and over and over again.

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  10. I don’t attract narcissists into my life. There are so many Narcissists it is difficult to avoid them. I give them short shift today, you get to know the cues after the first one. You make it sound so much fun. I know being a narc, using emotions to manipulate and control people is not that much fun. The narcs who abused me are not having any fun today. They are lonely and depressed, and people think them foolish. Whereas I am happy and live a peaceful life without caring a thing for them at all. You can resist caring about abusive people – I have.

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      1. Lol Mr. Tudor, you are The Riddler. Why do you avoid any personal questions if they’re not about narcissim? Do you hate intimacy with others, or is it that you fear it will reveal your identity? In my opinion, there is more to you than your narcissism. I’m intrigued about the person you are, beyond the big bad narc. Whether done with intent or not, you are doing a great service for us all. Its natural for us to want to learn more about you.

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      2. Agreed, LOVE. I’m curious not to know who he is, he could be my next door neighbor for all I care, but intrigued because he’s making a living off our unlimited fuel. I find most of his insights to be helpful and sometimes I can relate but what if he’s a twenty-two year old who’s just read a lot of books and has good business sense? It would be foolish to not question his “credentials” aren’t all narcs are liars? The fact that he doesn’t lie about himself makes me wonder……

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  11. After reading this HG I started thinking about all the Narcs I’ve met and interacted with over the years, obviously I didn’t know then what I know now, in fact before I stated reading the blog I thought they were rare & I’d just been in the wrong place at the wrong time, but no narcs are everywhere!.

    I can recognise the traits now, see the flags & hear those Klaxons loud & clear & think that the signs of an abusive relationship should be taught in schools /collages as part of the national curriculum .

    I understand it might deplete the supplies a little for some of your kind but it’s time for the empaths to a least stand a chance ….

    Okay I’m putting my tin hat on now 🙂

    Thanks again .

    NSS x

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  12. A few questions HG.

    1. The more esthetically attractive a woman is (while embodying the empathetic traits as well – double whammy) the higher the likelihood of being a target it seems. Yes?

    2. Looking back, I have always been a target. At this point (even though I am married and I am a super-empath) I can, with almost grand precision, pinpoint the men who will attempt to penetrate my force field. I wish I would have known better in my younger years. It is difficult for me to have any male friends (unless they are gay men which pose no threat in the sexual realm). Why do narcs seek me out. Let me know if I could send you a picture so you could tell me how to shield me from encountering these people.

    3. My light seems to bother the narc. Why does it appear to me that the only sole purpose is to blow my light out. I do not toot my own horn ever – I will however tell you that I am constantly being paid compliments by men and women and that seems to bother him (a man I thought was my friend).

    Any insight would be helpful. I feel deflated and almost invisible. Forget the friendship… I think that was never even there.

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    1. 1. This would be of greatest attraction to the Elite and Somatic Narcissists. The Victim and Cerebral Narcissists would be looking for different class traits than physical attractiveness as per Sitting Target.
      2. The fact you attract narcissists lies with your attraction firstly owing to your empathic traits and then owing to the class and special traits.
      3. By putting out your light, ours will shine brighter.

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  13. How can we make them go away in this case?
    In the past, I said no, went home, he got my number from an acquaintance, then had a stalker who turned out to seem a bashful crush and friend but in the end ruined my life. Actually just destroyed my faith in humanity.
    When I’m polite they say something humiliating to get my reaction.
    If I talk about myself, they stay for the info for later ammunition.
    If I’m alone, which I often like to be, I get harassed. They call things out or try to trip me up.
    What is the reaction we can give to make them go away?

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    1. Read No Contact and apply what you find there. The various counter measures we deploy to your No Contact are detailed there and you describe a number of them in your comment Violet, my books will assist you in that regard.

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  14. After reading this blog yet again, me, in my wisdom (no wait…that would be your wisdom HG), have decided I am the SE. So. Question now is: can a ‘normal’ guy be attracted to me? Or…am I always going to be a narc magnet, and only ever be ‘attractive’ to the beasts?
    Its hard to trust my own perception of people now. Hmmm. TIA HG. Love this blog. 😉

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    1. Hello Lisa, you are attractive to normal people as well but you will draw many of our kind. Thus you need to spot us and evade us so the normal chaps have a chance. Read Red Flag for more information to assist in this regard and keep reading the blog to increase your understanding.

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      1. Thanks HG. Red Flags next then. I eventually want to read all of your books. Im a slow reader though, in so much as your blogs are keeping me busy as well (along with the trappings of my day). Trying to keep up is hard sometimes, but ohhh so worth it. 😉

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  15. Aww this is cute. More like, Narcs can’t stay away from us. The good thing (I’m using the term good very loosely here) about being confronted with Narcissism once is that you literally never have to put up with again. Ever again!

    So let all the Narcs come and try their worst. They are in for quite a shock ;p

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  16. Sometimes I feel a bit sad for the narcissist. I hate them, but I also feel sorry for them. They are completely devoid of interpersonal tools, and are their own worst enemy. Their darkness kills the light, and the light travels elsewhere when done. Filled with anger over their losses, the narcissist chooses the empath to parent them, and to fill the whole that their narcissistic parent didn’t know how to fill. Like an angry child the narcissist craves the empath in the hope that they will heal their wounds. However, nobody can ever fill the whole; nobody will ever be good enough, and the narcissist will screw it up time and time again.

    The empath isn’t problem. Its what was missed out on in the narcissist’s childhood that becomes the problem – from my experience anyway. All of my narcissists’ had terrible childhoods.

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