HG Tudor with Shannon McComas


Shannon McComas (who you can see in the picture above) kindly interviewed me live via Facebook earlier today. I am the disembodied voice that can be heard via the telephone. The whole of the interview can be accessed above by clicking on the picture, for you consideration.

Thank you to Shannon for extending the invitation to me.


171 thoughts on “HG Tudor with Shannon McComas

  1. Sues says:

    Excellent!! So well explained. All of this information I have been reading over the past three weeks has changed my life. I saw all of the signs, explained them to myself but have never been validated for what I was thinking.
    One part that stuck out HG, was that When you were explaining why you are doing this and that you are working with “The Good Doctors” I sensed some humanity in you. It was like a glimpse of light. Would you explain what I sensed from your perspective? It threw me a little…

    1. HG Tudor says:

      That was hope Sues.

      1. Sues says:

        I could hear it … ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. Ollie says:

    Great listen! Really truly invaluable information. I was either going to loose my mind, turn to the lord (haven’t done that in ages if ever) or find a therapist… so glad I found your site.. thank you…

  3. Snow White says:

    I am sure you can pick the good doctors out immediately. Lol… You know your readers.
    They can’t get anything past you.

  4. OakorWillow? says:

    H.G., I just got to the part where you said you’re not interested in happiness or joy. Reminds me so much of hubby. In his life, any good thing has been quickly followed by something bad and he has no desire to be happy. Are you drawn to happy people? Or sad people? I met my narc husband quite soon after I was widowed from my soulmate. He would hold me in his arms as I sobbed in grief over my late husband. But before that I was the happiest person I ever knew. People always remarking on how happy I was, always smiling. I had a great life, knew it, and appreciated it. Would he have been interested in the happy me? Was it the great sadness that attracted him? Or maybe because someone told him he would have no chance with me?
    Angel, from what I’ve read it takes a certain kind of abuse at a certain age from an opposite sex parent. Maybe your mother was able to balance it out for you or you were strong enough to handle it.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello OakorWillow, I am drawn to empathic individuals and if matters not if they are generally happy or sad as there is a benefit to be derived from either state of emotion. Someone happy flows with positive fuel. Someone sad, as the way you describe in your scenario may well be easier to seduce and play “hero” to for the purposes of seduction and gaining their gratitude which provides fuel.

  5. Angel says:

    Oak, I believe the stories mine has told me about his mother. She was a horrible woman. I will never meet her. See I’m 35 and he is 50. She is fairly older obviously not able to care for herself and lives out of state. He doesn’t want to ever see her. I love older men. I never thought about it that way where they never had time to develop empathy. I wonder why being around a narcissistic father I was able to.

  6. AH OH says:

    Willow, with beautiful flowing limbs. Has always been my favorite tree.


    1. Indy says:

      Oh Ah, nice!!!!!! Love!!!!

  7. Indy says:

    Enjoy, I try not to concede that often lol..l.think that is actually why my ex liked me as a primary lol.

  8. OakorWillow? says:

    I’ve always been the oak, he’s always yelling at me “Why can’t you just give in?” I’m stubborn to the core, though. But now that I’ve found out what he is, maybe it’s best to become a little willowy? Does the NP prefer the oak who stands strong against his storms or the willow who bends to his breeze? Which fuel is preferable? Raging against the oak or puffing up with pride when the willow bends? Can an oak even learn to bend?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Good analogies, it all depends on factors such as the nature of the narcissist, how pressing the need for fuel is and the prospective fuel to be gained. If I am low on fuel, I will most likely prefer the willow who will bend with little effort on my part. Other times when fuelled and knowing there is a prize of much fuel to gain, the resistance of the hardy oak will be a suitable prize.

      1. Indy says:

        I think you are implying, HG, that willows are easily broken under your influence. I have a different take.

        Oak thinking = black and white thinking, so rigid it breaks. High fuel.

        Willow thinking = the dialectic flows gracefully the face of the hurricane of emotions. Flexible thinking reduces emotionality, a stronger position. Flexible does not equal weak or giving up. It gracefully allows the wind to blow. Less fuel for sure.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          No Indy I wasn’t referring to broken but easier to bend and thus easier to draw fuel from. In my view the bending equates to fuel provision, but you have advanced your own perspective as well. ‘Twas ever thus!

          1. Indy says:

            I see your point.part of it was me impulsively jumping in because I love this analogy (oak and reed) and I dislike thinking of a willow as an easy provision of fuel in the act of bending . With that said, I understand your point. Perhaps I was being a little Oakley in my stubborn view of the Willow LOL I forgot to be more Willow Like lol

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Ha ha very good.

      2. Love says:

        Will it be an oak paddle or willow reed tonight? Decisions Decisions…

      3. So Sad says:

        Hi HG. ๐Ÿ™‚

        I’m curious . ..

        Answering posts posts so late at night or the early hours of the morning in the UK ?

        You said you sleep well so it can’t be insomnia . So .. ?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I do not sleep much, thus I answer posts late at night or early in the morning.

          1. So Sad says:

            Mind on overtime ? I understand that .

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Indeed SS.

          3. So Sad says:

            Ty HG for being so honest.

          4. HG Tudor says:

            You are welcome SS.

  9. OakorWillow? says:

    It breaks my heart, too, Angel. I feel just like Erin. My N-husband would tell me stories about his mother and I would just shrug them off, telling him he was exaggerating or misinterpreting. About a month ago I googled “My husband says he’s God” and found out about NPD. Now I realize even the worst of the stories he told about her was true, and probably only the tip of the iceberg. I only met the woman once before she died, let me tell you, if she was still alive I think I would kill her myself. You can’t help them because the empathy emotion seems to only develop at a certain stage/age of growth, once you miss the timeframe, it won’t really develop. My husband was the ‘scapegoat’, his psyche was too busy trying to survive without any nourishment to have time to develop the empathy part.
    Thank you H.G. It’s very helpful to hear the inner workings. I just found this blog a few days ago, you’ll be hearing more from me, I have quite a few questions to ask.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I look forward to receiving them. I choose Oak by the way.

      1. Indy says:

        That is an awesome name! I love the meaning behind it.

        HG, of course you would choose Oak!

        I choose Willow, especially when there are hurricanes. Go with the flow….

  10. Angel says:

    Love, it’s hard for me to wrap my brain around the fact that no matter what we do we supposedly can’t help them. I just feel if we prove to them were different and we won’t hurt them that they’d eventually get it. They would realize we’re not them. It breaks my heart.

    1. Love says:

      I completely understand. In my opinion, as much as they cry about needing love and nurturing, I think deep down they want Mommy’s bad treatment. That was their first love. That was who taught them how a mother/a woman is to behave. We can love them with all our heart and soul, but they’ll still find us lacking, cause Mommy was a monster. We don’t measure up. Ahh, its a twisted game.

  11. Erin says:

    I haven’t watched the video yet, however I intend to. Just reading the comments though. You always want to believe that they can change or that there is hope for them. With my narc I sit there quietly and listen to his stories. His mother was a narcissist that would abandon them for weeks. She was an alcoholic that would physically abuse him. She broke bones. She made him feel worthless. I listen and it’s like I was there watching it. I feel his pain and i want to stop it. The last time he told me a story he laughed. I was almost crying and i looked at him and told him this is not funny by any means. He said no it’s not. It’s sad. I want to hold him and make the pain go away. I want to show him that I love him and would never hurt him. I feel like I can’t leave him because I’d be doing the same thing she did and abandoning him. I feel like he needs me. I hate her because I feel like she ruined a perfectly good man. Maybe one day she will suffer for it. All I do is just stand by him as best as I can. It’s like a knife to my heart when he ignores me or cancels our plans. I just wait until I can see him again and take care of him the best way I know how. I would do anything for this man and would do whatever he wanted. I don’t see walking away an easy route for me, sadly.

    1. Love says:

      Hi Erin. I always wondered why I had been tasked with correcting the wrongs of their mothers. The mothers were the ones who broke their little souls and now I have to clean up the mess? I nurtured and cared for these men better than any of their matriarchs ever could or would. Unfortunately, I’ve come to realize the destruction and devastation caused by these women is irreparable.
      Good luck to you

  12. MLA - Clarece says:

    I just try not to mistake his obvious genuine enthusiasm for the engaging conversations whether with Shannon or any of us as “caring”. Let’s say I got disabled due to sickness or an accident in my personal life. Therefore I drop off here and am no longer a contributor.
    HG has made it abundently clear, Narcs don’t do support.
    He’s not going to care to check up on me. At best I think he appreciates some of my questions or perspectives and he’ll be annoyed not to have that for the blog’s sake.
    This blog has become a huge part of my daily life for 14 months now. I care and would miss things but his brain doesn’t work the same way.
    Go back to Love is a Taught Construct. He was taught not to care. He was taught caring gets you hurt and manipulated.

    1. Love says:

      Clarece, you would be missed by all of us empathic individuals on the blog, if you were to leave. Each person here brings their own spice. That’s what makes this board so interesting.

      Indy, how wonderful and selfless of you to apply the knowledge you acquire here to the outside world. I’m sure you are making a big difference!

      1. Indy says:

        Awwwww, Love.

        You are so right, we all bring a special spice and are special spices (my favorite word to describe people I am drawn to, usually men, but I like it here too ๐Ÿ™‚

        In fact, when a few do not show up after a while, I wonder how they are doing. Feeling grateful to have the ability to feel, care and love.

        Thank you, Love for your kind words. I love my work. I am not sure it is totally selfless, as I gain a lot of things from being a therapist. I learn everyday from the people I work with…it is a two way street. I think each of us are making a difference. By surviving, telling our stories (including HG here too), sharing ideas and ways to survive (all included here too)….big differences are being made by all here….by stopping the cycle of abuse we can prevent further generations from suffering…and ease our own too.

  13. Christina says:

    I have to say that I truly appreciated your candor and insight. I used to be angry at you because you represented the person who I had been hurt by. However, the one thing I realized after hearing this is that you are aware of what you are. That deserves some respect. I appreciate your candor.

  14. Leilani says:

    You have answered his questions in detail truthfully and gracefully in the moment although he was at a confused state of fueled flowing emotions. It is apparent that a “male” or a “female” narcissist would cause the same affect to an empath and a codependent. You were perfect HG! You held a very calm disposition. Eager and willing to help him understand why a narcissist behaves the he/she does in every way.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Leilani.

  15. Indy says:

    Thank you, HG, for doing what you do. I agree wth Entertainment. You did seem to go into therapy mode. I actually really liked your description of the raft, then little boat and then a larger sturdier one to cross the emotional sea. (I might actually use this analogy in session too, if that’s ok?) I could call it the HG boat visualization technique ๐Ÿ˜‰ I also loved how you reassured that there is no shame in having to try to escape and go no contact multiple times before t is done fully or effectively. That, HG, is a caring empathic statement. Perhaps you don’t feel it like an empath or a “normal” (hate that word), but I suspect a tiny seed of caring is there…like the grinch that stole Christmas when his heart grew (ok, I’m Cindy Lou Who from Whoville, now).

    Really felt for Shannon too. He’s got a tough battle ah ad still, with kids. My heart goes out to him.

    Keep up the great work, dude!! Looking forward to more audio!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Indy. By all means use that analogy. I am conveying what people need to hear so they understand because I want people to know that what I am telling them is the reality, the most effective information and it is being supplied by the best source from which to gain that understanding and I do it in a way that makes it easier to understand because I am an excellent communicator. You are right,I do not feel any sense of caring, any need to be caring (but it serves a purpose in my day to day dealings to intermittently cause the appearance of caring) or indeed want to be caring, but I do want people to listen to what I have to say and that means spelling it out exactly as it is. If I tell you the reality, you will listen and you will appreciate me for doing so, thus I gain what I want.

      1. Indy says:

        So, do you think I am projecting my own empathy when I say I think you have a seed of caring in you in that statement you made? Just curios if you could admit to a seed.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          There is no seed and you are, understandably, projecting what you hope to be the case, because of your empathic traits.

          1. Indy says:

            HG, I appreciate your honesty and I do wonder how much is my desire for you and others to have seeds and how much is it you “playing hide and seek” (unconsciously). How much are you invested in this concept of โ€œnot caringโ€ to the point it protects you from pain rather than a true inability to care?

          2. MLA - Clarece says:

            I wish there was a seed too, but I took your interaction with Shannon as he expressed more personal issues of a very sensitive nature as being very considerate. It would not bode well with listeners and especially Shannon, if you just up and said, “sorry dude, time’s up”. It was the right thing to do to finish that course of conversation. I equated it with great customer service. The readers purchase your books and some will purchase phone or email consults. It was an effective marketing opportunity to showcase the likability factor you possess. That was a great platform to show someone they will get their money’s worth to have access to your great wisdom and insight with their situation. I don’t think you ever convey that your interactions would go any deeper than exchanging information.

          3. Indy says:

            Yeah, MLA. I know. And, I still wonder, is it all my projection or is there a level of defiance in his identity of being a tiny minuscule bit of a softy. I also wonder if some of this “no empathy” is a defense, a wall of protection, rather than an absence. I do not doubt part of t is my project, I just have an inkling that there is a grain in there.

          4. MLA - Clarece says:

            Indy, I just realized you may not have seen a very long post I had with regard to childhood attachment research on HG’s blog, Ask Again, I think on 10/24/16 (or thereabouts). I had another one on “In the Middle” that we had exchanged on. But if you have time, it would be interesting to hear your thoughts!!

          5. Indy says:

            Hi MLA, I will definitely check it out. All you have to say is “attachment” and my ears are perked as. Think it has a lot to do with the development of NPD and BPD in many, imho.

          6. MLA - Clarece says:

            Great! Just search “Ask Again”. I realized he had responded to my comments on 10/24/16, but it was earlier in Oct when i was on a trip. I remember commenting on my plane trip home on 10/10/16. Lol

      2. Indy says:

        You could tell reality without a dose of caring, believe me ive seen it. You add it in. So, either you are quite skilled in knowing what and how to say things to get others to listen, by rewarding with seemingly caring nibblets, or you have those nibblets in you…..or both!! Again, on a spectrum…with less, perhaps?

        I wonder, how much are you invested in this concept of “not caring” to the point it protects you from pain rather than a true inability to care?

      3. MLA - Clarece says:

        You are truly gifted beyond measure at being an excellent communicator. No doubt about that.

      4. Snow White says:

        What book was that in HG? It was one of the first ones I read and it was POWERFUL. It explained exactingly how I was feeling and how I continue to feel. One of the best analogies I have ever read!!! I use it to gauge how far I’ve come since the beginning. I tear up every time I think of it. That emotional sea is huge and deadly. I know Nikita also said how it made a difference for her too.
        Do your doctors ever comment about anything that you write or are they supposed to pretend they haven’t read anything?
        You should be extremely proud of everything that you write.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Ghosted and Gilded SW. Thank you, yes it is a powerful piece and something which all those trying to escape our kind should read and understand.

          They do not but I do notice occasional comments which show they are reading what I write, I knew they would, they cannot help themselves and after all, they suggested that I do this so they are bound to want to see what is happening, aren’t you DRs O and E?

          Thank you, I am proud of what I write. Thank you for reading.

      5. entertainment says:

        Validation =fuel x incomprehensible + gullible x stagnant=???
        I wasn’t good at math but if it doesn’t add up its not meant too.

      6. Love says:

        I think we all want to project the feeling of caring onto Mr. Tudor. But I greatly respect him for continuously stating he has no such affliction. I know we would like to look in every crack and crevice, thinking it must be suppressed somewhere in the dark, just waiting to get out. However, I believe he truly does not care. He gives us facts about narc behavior. Yet, has he asked any of you how you are doing? How you are holding up? When you’ve stated you can’t take it anymore and are falling apart, has he told you he’s there for you? When you’ve threatened to leave, got upset at him, hurt by something in the blog, has he tried to soothe your pain?
        I admire him for the great work he is doing, and I have to accept him for the man he is and what he is not… Just like every other person with a personality disorder. It is one thing to wish that narcissists have dormant empathic traits, but at what point does it become foolish of us to keep hoping and searching for something that was never there to begin with?

        1. Indy says:

          Excellent point Love. If a client came to me and said they had a partner that they were thinking about leaving because they were being abused by their partner in ways that narcissists abuse others, I would not tell them to hold on hope and stay. I would tell them what I learned here and how to leave and protect themselves.

          I think part of this is also the therapist in me. I have hope for humanity in many ways. I am not foolish to think the caring is at the same level as those of us non-narcissistic individuals, though I wonder if seeds are there. I also believe that the mind is very strong when it has been traumatized to protect itself and wall itself up. This is what I wonder, is it walled up and there is something in there that can be accessed to allow for increased emotional expression and experience.

          With that all said, I will not forget what I have learned here, how to spot them, how to reduce engagement, and how to help others identify, leave and do the same. Reducing abuse in our communities and lives is the ultimate goal.

        2. entertainment says:

          Great Love. He is what he is, and he’s adamantly stated at this point in his life he content and what he is works for him and doesn’t see the need or desire to change. The analogy if it isn’t broke why fix it. We may view it as broken however, he doesn’t. I can call him caring and patient but it’s like saying I am a car because I am sitting in a garage.

      7. The Punisher says:

        I like what you said, Love, about the mind walling up. I wonder whats in there too. Do you think as far as treatment goes we are dealing with these people backwards? Oh and I don’t take HG for a softy, that’s straight skill ladies.

        1. Indy says:

          Hey Punisher!

          Indeed, he has mad skills. No doubt! And, I am trying not to project too much of my own wishes, primarily due to his mad skills that can imitate empathy to a degree.

          I also think, at the same time, that he has encased his emotions in a vault as a way of coping with past abuse to protect himself from more pain –a survival skill. I do not believe this is conscious. And, perhaps, like a tootsie lollypop, under all those hard layers of shell there is a guarded soft center (softer emotions) that hasn’t been accessed by himself since early childhood. Perhaps this soft center is the “beast”. Just a thought. More theoretical from a treatment perspective, not a recommendation on my part to any partner to wait for that change if you are in a relationship.

      8. The Punisher says:

        I feel you Indy. It took me a lot of work to be able to separate my emotions from logic and I’ll probably always work at this. It would be great if there was something inside. I have no idea or take on what’s really in there though. How do you get inside? Hell, I’m not even sure what’s all inside me.

        1. Indy says:

          Right? I may have hopes(and I do), and I am not as naรฏve as I seem. (I appear naรฏve in my appearance, it fools folks frequently. I love it.). Ancient Indy secret (reference to an old school commercial). ๐Ÿ˜‰

          1. Snow White says:

            HAHAHA ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
            Ancient Indy secret.
            I remember

      9. The Punisher says:

        Thanks for all your input Indy. I like that you’re a therapist.

        1. Indy says:

          Thanks, Punisher.
          I am here to learn and heal. If I can take my learning and healing out in the world to help others, then all the better.

  16. E. B. says:

    I enjoyed this interview very much, HG. Very informative and insightful. I hope there are more to come.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you EB. I have just been asked to do another in about a fortnight.

      1. So Sad says:

        Brilliant HG. Don’t forget to post the links to You Tube ๐Ÿ™‚

  17. The Punisher says:

    May I ask why? I don’t mind that you can’t, I like a little mystery.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It would alter our dynamic if you knew them.

    2. entertainment says:

      5 rules
      1.Never lose your cool
      2.I am greater than you
      3. I am greater than you
      4. The means must justify the end
      5. Fuel

      Hahaha, not sure but he has mentioned there’s no need to extract negative fuel from us. He has really no reason to lie or hide anything from us. It’s all fuel.

      1. The Punisher says:

        He doesn’t need a reason. He’s a sociopath. He also mentioned he’s a pathological liar…

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Indeed but you have also omitted the highly pertinent application of the 5 rules which makes this a different arena from that in which I would ordinarily operate.

          1. entertainment says:

            HG, I asked my last question because I am catching up on comments I missed. Do you break any of the 5 rules established in this arena? Rules and boundaries mean absolutely nothing to a npd. You hold yourself to such high regard. I can’t imagine your type abiding by rules establish by self or anyone else.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            I obey the rules here because if I did not, it would not work and the gains to be made from it succeeding (and the fact I can operate freely outside of this arena – if that was taken away I could not do it) make it worth complying with them. There have been times where I have come close to breaking them. That is the benefit of moderation.

        2. entertainment says:

          I didn’t read that part although, I know them to be lying Kings. I assumed (asshole) that the greater of his kind would only result to lying to garner fuel from their sources when left with little options. Wow…HG are you a liar liar pants on fire? ๐Ÿ˜Š

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Not here otherwise it would not work. Out there, yes of course I do but the end justifies the means.

      2. The Punisher says:

        Don’t you mean the application of the CONCEPT of there being 5 rules? These imaginary rules that create the illusion that we are safe even though we don’t know if they actually exist. Your “rules” are meaningless to me. Ya it’s all fuel, but negative still trumps positive…

        1. HG Tudor says:

          The application of these rules is evident in the last 14 months’ worth of interaction. That is the confirmation of their existence.

      3. The Punisher says:

        Evident how? Puppet master…

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Read the comments all across this period on the various articles and you will see in the comments made by those who read the blog and my replies and observations to those comments, repeated evidence of their application.

        2. entertainment says:

          The punisher,
          Read you will see the half slip of the mask. Wait, if hes unmasked can the masked still exist? However, over-all he’s been able to maintain the facade. I can’t imagine what state of mind his prior sources are in mentally. HG, have the good doctors ever suggested that relationships at this point could hinder your progress?

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Yes they have, as I pointed our the other day though I suspect this has been said as much for the sake of the other person as for me.

          2. entertainment says:

            My thoughts exactly. I am sure it feels unfair to you to withhold your charm, great looks, and all your other redeeming qualities from some very pretty fuel leaking source.๐Ÿ˜Š I pray that all your endeavors are keeping so busy there’s not much time to seek out fuel from personal relationships. I mean that in a good way.

          3. HG Tudor says:

            Thank you Entertainment, I shall take that in the intended spirit.

      4. The Punisher says:

        You’ve disappointed me, H. Consider me first to walk at the first sign of disappointment.

  18. Snow White says:

    I enjoyed your interview very much HG. You were able to give all the listeners a lot of useful information in a short amount of time. I now know how much there is to learn about the narcissistic relationship and that was a superb start for many.
    I did find the part about you seeing us as an extension enlightening. That concept is hard to grip for me. I do learn more and more each time you talk about it. I found the game analogy and the show one helpful. My ex always suggested we watch certain shows and comics. I didn’t have the same humor as her and didn’t find them to be entertaining or humorous. She of course thought they were the best. Is is a critique to you if I say that I don’t find the same thing funny? You said that when someone attends a show with you and they enjoy it then you are fueled because that was your selection and it’s an extension of you. Not your exact words but is it the same concept with anything you select? Wine, dinner, name brand, color, etc.
    Thanks, not sure I said all of that right. ๐ŸŽ

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you SW and your interpretations are correct..

      1. Snow White says:

        One more question on that…..
        Is that why I’M an extension of you because you decided and selected me to be THE ONE? And that’s how I’m an extension of you forever? How I belong to you?
        It’s clicking. It’s so hard because I don’t think anything like that and I’m trying to see it from your perspective.

        1. HG Tudor says:


  19. The Punisher says:

    What are the 5 rules?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Cannot tell you.

    2. bloody_elemental says:

      I know the 5 Rules. I think I am the only one who does. They are:

      1. Do not ask about the 5 Rules.
      2. HG cannot tell us what the 5 Rules are.
      3. HG will not tell us what the 5 Rules are.
      4. HG absolutely cannot and will not tell us what the 5 Rules are.
      5. Do not ask about the 5 Rules.
      6. HG is brilliant.

      *jazz hands*

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Very good,made me laugh.

      2. The Punisher says:

        Made me smile as well.

      3. AH OH says:

        This is 6 rules BE. Did you graciously give HG another rule?
        Rules are made to be broken. I like breaking rules.

        1. bloody_elemental says:

          The sixth is more of a statement of fact than a rule.

  20. I call myself informed. Not a victim or a recipient; they did enact their will upon me as a child yes, but I grew up self educated, self informed and I got them both put away for what they did. My mother died; sectioned indefinitely and my dad died in agonising pain; always insisting he did nothing wrong. He died knowing that all the hospital staff; all his army friends, all the MO.D police knew. So at the end, he told the RGN to tell me he was sorry; she didn’t believe him. All the times he had me running from Hampshire to Blackpool because he wanted to see me; it was all still about him trying to fuel himself. In the end I said “no” and he died alone. Result. I fed them the way they fed me; with guilt and they were stupid enough to suck it all in. We all have the capability of *playing* our abusers. I had a goal set in mind and that goal was to have them both die alone. ignored, with nothing but their own thoughts. Does it affect me now? I am still the same girl who wants and wishes the best for everyone; but this girl grew up wise; you feed on empathy; I have tons of it; but I am not stupid. I have entered into relationships which smacked of narcissistic tendencies and on each of the two occasions I thought it would be better to stay with them than go back to my mother. I reeled them in and spat them out, got their jobs lost for them; one was a doctor, one a mortician. Sometimes I wonder if I should thank my upbringing as would I be so astute otherwise? I think, yes I would, because fundamentally, that’s who I was supposed to be.
    You didn’t answer the question. When and how old were you when you realised you had this feeling of needing to be fuelled?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      In my teens.

    2. entertainment says:

      Hazel, I am happy to see you decided to stick around. I consider you lucky to have had the ability to become informed sooner than most. Hopefully, HG post will help you move past the hurt and anger you feel keep reading for deeper awareness. Soon you will feel grateful for finding this blog.

  21. Leilani says:

    It is apparent through watching that it makes no difference. The deep affect is still the same for the Empath or Codependent whether the cause is by a “male” or a “female” narcissist. HG, you had answered his questions in great details with proper guidance truthfully and gracefully as he reached out in his deep awareness although his fueled thoughts and emotions were in a state of confusion in the moment. You were perfect! Why are you so good?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Leilani, I appreciate that. I am so good as I am an effective machine, honed through years of practice, awareness and striving.

  22. Silly man. I am not a victim. I just know how narcissists think. * A greater*. There you go; says it all!!! I’d like to know about your childhood, not all of it obviously; when did you realise you had this incredible sense of needing fuelling? I’m interested because my son said the same thing at one point. It’s the one question many of us have never quite got the answer to. It’s probably because normal people live with the hope that things can change and being empathic leaves us wanting to know and understand; you know 2 days of being battered physically, financially, sexually, emotionally, but there were 4 hours, say which were normal and wonderful. What were you like as youngster?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You grew up with a narcissistic mother, father and brother and you are not a victim? Are you suggesting they did not exact any of their machinations and manipulations against you? Or are you engaging in semantics concerning the use of the word “victim” ? Call yourself a survivor if you would prefer, or recipient. Is that what you are driving at?

      1. Love says:

        I can perhaps understand Hazel’s feelings towards being called a victim. I hate that word. I don’t like survivor either. It makes me sound broken and in need of sympathy and healing. My pride is what is affected by those words. I would rather be called a doormat, codependent, clingy, whatever… Because then it puts the responsibility on my shoulders. I choose to be a doormat, I’m not one by force or circumstance.
        Either way, Mr. Tudor, you already know I think you are incredible โค and I’m so appreciative of your hard work.
        I found you at my most vulnerable situation. Your beautiful words soothe my soul. Given my nature, its a wonder how I haven’t built a shrine for you yet ๐Ÿ˜˜

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Interesting Love and thank you. Plenty of mirrors in the shrine please.

      2. Love says:

        Well originally it was going to be a solid gold statue of you dressed as a knight on top of a horse. But I can add mirrors. I will burn incense too, to provide the smoke.

      3. entertainment says:

        I think what I am experiencing now is fuel. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚I can’t wait until I arrive home to read all the comments. Maybe not fuel inquisitive. HG, you know the positive unintended consequences of your treatment has either help most of begin healing or has resulted in full recovery for some. All we have to do now is break free of the HG addiction. ,๐Ÿ˜Š Weekend binges are seeping into the weekdays.

    2. entertainment says:

      Sorry for your pain and hurt and I pray that you would utilize the resources HG have to help you become better informed about this personality. You said there’s no such disorder however you stated your parents and son are narc. Your anger shouldn’t be directed towards HG he doesn’t care either way. Consider it a blessing you wandered upon this site by watching Shannon. What I think you are feeling is the confusion, dissonance, and hurt that happens when we encounter these types on our family or personal relationship. I can imagine it being equally hard being it’s your son. No one has all the answers to any illness or disorder that’s why it called practicing medicine๐Ÿ˜Š HG altruism to this disorder is real and may seem painful at first but you will get the painful. We can’t change what they are..but we can change how we interact with them.

  23. I ask not because I have empathy for a narcissist but because I grew up with a narcissistic mother, a sexually abusive and narcissistic father and a sexually abusive, mentally handicapped brother. ( I know, feel, see, smell the way they think and work to gain the *fuel*). I have a narcissistic son who was kicked out 3 months ago, aged 22. I have 2 other sons who are normal. I am normal. My husband is normal. I am as empathic as they come; in fact; I think I must have been ahead of the queue when this stuff was shared out. I suppose I could have been a narcissist too; I didn’t choose NOT to after all. So I want to know where all this blame crap comes from. Is it an apparent lack of human empathy? It can’t be because you recognise empathy when you see it, work out how best it can serve you, then exploit it. Therefore it is a game of cat and mouse; you push, then pull constantly. Or are you thinking something in the gene pool is missing? If that were the case, I’d be a loony. Narcissists are as premeditated and hunter focused as sociopaths and psychopaths; they all believe in their own bile and self importance. We don’t need to listen to one because we are so weak, we still cling onto our human need to understand and empathise. We don’t need you to educate us. Those of us who have been at the hands of a narcissist are quite capable of passing down the knowledge so our children are safe and educated.
    I listened and watched this video with interest only because I knew the person who was interviewing you would still, even now, have his own experiences come flooding back. You knew it. And you played it well. You have been fuelled by a third party. Now have an interview with someone who hasn’t had the experiences with a narcissist and while you’re at it, do so without any meds or counselling for a week. I am not angry; I am not unhinged by what I watched and heard- I am on a very level playing field nowadays. You need to be the very thing which would destroy you- and that is ignored.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I have been interviewed by somebody who has not had any experience at the hands of a narcissist. It has been available for some time. It can be found under the article Radio HG.
      I conducted that interview without meds as I do not take any. I also conducted that interview at a point which between my treatment sessions, about 8-9 days, so your criteria has already been met.

      No you do not need me to educate you, but since you are not me, since you are a victim, you do not know anywhere near enough about why we act as we do, the relevant signs and indicators and why we choose the people that become our victims. Read the comments to the hundreds of articles which I have written and you will see the gratitude, awareness and understanding that has been received by intelligent, articulate and open-minded victims who has realised that gaining the unique insight that I provide is something that can be harnessed by them in a powerful way.

      Shannon has been most appreciative of my work and also the provision of the information through the interview in aiding his understanding. Yes I gained a small amount of fuel from Shannon’s reactions, his “wows”. his relaying his own experience and his appreciation, but it is way down on the fuel index because I do not know him and it was an interaction conducted by way of telephone. I gained more fuel from the imagined reactions of the many listeners as opposed to Shannon’s responses.

      Not all narcissists are pre-meditated. Lessers act through instinct and knee-jerk reaction most of the time. A narcissistic sociopath, a greater, is highly calculating and pre-meditated in word, thought and deed.

    2. bloody_elemental says:


      Sociopaths and psychopaths are basically the same thing since those who are are identified under one diagnosis – anti-social personality disorder.

      The jury is still out on the science, but the key difference (according to science right now at least) is that a psychopath is born, while sociopaths tend to be created as a result of their environment (thought it is also true that sociopathy can be genetic as well as created and encouraged through environment).

      As HG said, it is not true that all act in a pre-meditated fashion – there are many out there who know they are not quite right, but have no idea what they are at all, nor do they understand why they operate/behave the way they do.

      While you may not feel you need to be educated, Hazel, there are a lot of people who do, as is evidenced by the large number of people who flock to this blog and to HG’s other written works (novels) to gain a deeper and clearer understanding of NPD and the impact it has had on their lives.

      There is a great need for someone like HG to share his point of view, thoughts and experiences, since there are so many out there who are struggling to piece themselves and their lives back together after being completely shattered. They want some clarity and, quite often, a sense of closure so they can move on with their lives and be better equipped to spot the next one of us lurking in the tall grass.

      Do you know/understand why your son is a narcissist, despite the fact that you, your husband and your other child are “normal?” What happened that he turned out that way?

      Fact is, HG is helping a lot of people with his blog and his written works. I commend him for being so giving of himself to his loyal readers and those seeking help and guidance. He is an invaluable resource to many and honestly, his reasons for doing it do not even matter.

      Only that he does, so willingly and openly.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Thank you BE.

      2. Nothing happened. Which is why it was and is hard to comprehend. When an adult thinks he doesn’t need help, what do you do? Let him continue to threaten, lie, steal and hit you? Spread lies and reel others into thinking he is a victim of circumstance? Our son is now doing what he did to us, to his gf. We knew something was wrong, we tried to get help, tried to appeal to his better nature so he could have help but he always said we could never understand as we needed educating; he was and is, after all, an educator and if anyone has a differing opinion, he gets pissy, turns into the victim again. This time we said *no*.

      3. bloody_elemental says:

        Something happened. It is either in his genes or his environment or a combination of both.

        I asked because you flippantly tossed off the idea of it being genetic since if it was you would be a “loony” because of your upbringing with narcissistic and abusive parents.

        Who knows why you ended up an empath in that situation? HG has said his siblings grew up in the same household he did and they turned out differently.

        It is not as simple as “choosing” to go one way or the other.

    3. So Sad says:

      Hazel Hi . ๐Ÿ™‚

      You posted on HG’s blog to attack the very concept of it .. Instead take some time to read his posts . And No I’m not one of his minions . Just thankful that he posts the truth ..

      Understanding & reading his blog changed my life . FACT .

      1. nikitalondon says:

        mine too !

      2. AH OH says:

        Say it loud and clear SS. Word!

  24. Sarah says:

    Good to hear your voice!! I’ll comment more when I finish watching it!!

  25. Soooooo; is it a disorder? Or an excuse?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is a disorder which comes with plenty of excuses.

      1. Give me an example. Narcissism is not a recognised disorder. It is seen as the result of other underlying issues which frankly, can’t all be stuffed in the same box, then labelled.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Narcissistic personality disorder is a recognised disorder. Why do you say that it is not Hazel?

  26. The Punisher says:

    I do love a deep voice.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you.

  27. Darkness Falls Again says:

    HG amazing interview, more people need to hear what you have to say.
    She provoke a powerful force the moment she called you a coward and not to stay silent, You are far from a coward, it takes strength and courage to shine light on darkness. The lives you have touched. The ones hurting you are giving the tools needed (knowledge) to overcome. Your responce by saying they will listen, well they are. Maybe this wasnt your intentions in that moment, yet this is what it is growing into. Keep on doing the marvelous work you are doing.
    Thank you for all the time and work you put into all you do.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you DFA.

  28. entertainment says:

    HG, a part of me started to feel bad for Shannon towards the end. He appeared shaken like triggers were set off. Towards the end you went into full therapist mode. It was interesting to see him go from moderator to participant/victim. He shifted the questions directly towards his personal life. He appeared extremely uncomfortable his demeanor change all the while you maintain your professionalism. You didn’t seem to mind the additional time required to provide clarification on his personal matters. Maybe the wounds appear new due to the proximity in houses 2 doors down. Ohhhh, Saint Tudor..

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes it was interesting wasn’t it. He is a pleasant man and I noticed how he shifted the questions to being about his situation. I expected that to happen when he had explained to me (just prior to the interview commencing) what his involvement with our kind was) and anticipated he would ask (and why wouldn’t you) with reference to his own situation. Of course at the time I could not see his demeanour as I was on a telephone line. I didn’t mind the additional time as it is a platform for me, naturally.

      1. entertainment says:

        Thanks HG for your response. Of course I wouldn’t expect less of you. You are the best๐Ÿ˜ŠPatient, kind, and unselfish. I know the feeling when a person have been entangled with your type the questions are seamless following the aftermath. I must admit, I was perplexed when he admitted to having researched the disorder for 3 years based on his reactions. However, I know each person heals in his/her different way and timing. Once I found you Mr. Wonderful, I searched no more the questions and closure I sought were fulfilled. It’s great to read, read and read but to many different sources will cause me confusion. Thank you for your continued pursuit in self awareness.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Thank you Entertainment I appreciate your kind comments. I am not kind, unselfish or patient person but the application of the five rules makes it appear to be the case in this arena. Yes, the questions do indeed flow. I think Shannon’s reactions were premised on him having felt a breakthrough from my work, we discussed as such prior to the interview.

          1. entertainment says:

            My comments weren’t kind. Touche๐Ÿ’•

      2. Love says:

        It was very interesting to see a man who has experienced narcissistic abuse. I’ve never seen the other gender go through it. Very sad how it hurts them just as much. It has a lifelong impact on them too.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Indeed it does Love. I invariably couch what is written in the masculine because I am writing from my own, male perspective and as evidence by those who contribute here, the vast majority of victims are female, but as we all know, the female of our species also exists.

      3. Love says:

        I’m glad you are male Mr. Tudor. No offense to female narcs, which I know are quite powerful and very knowledgeable, but my attention can only be captured by your gender. I wouldn’t be a devoted fan otherwise.

  29. The bridge says:

    Good job

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you The Bridge.

  30. Super Empath Fool says:

    No picture displayed when I open this blog, so I can’t listen to the interview. Any suggestions?

      1. Super Empath Fool says:

        Great, thanks HG.

  31. Lisa says:

    Hi again HG. Id love to see your videos. May I please have your YT name?

      1. Lisa says:

        Thank you HG. I just watch all of them. Fantastic!! Im hooked!!

        1. HG Tudor says:


  32. Forgotten says:

    how I love that voice…. how I love that intelligence pouring out and coating my heart… that’s an amazing surprise for my morning and I thank You for it so much โค๐Ÿ’‹

  33. Kd says:

    Why didn’t we get your face also? ๐Ÿ™‚

  34. entertainment says:

    No honor among thieves๐Ÿ˜Š Great job HG. The good doctor’s should be so proud of you. I think…..

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you entertainment.

  35. Now that you have our attention as tertiary sources and can by your own insight comprehend it was difficult to digest when one speaks over another but I guess that ensures that the power of confusion lay with those who are no longer confused at all from your perspective, dare I speak for a perspective I know little of right? Three Year children become independent as in they gain an awareness that they are not their parents, they are an individual. In the climate of today’s thinking, mothers of three year olds have used a trendy name to define their children, often referred to as threenagers’. Three year olds certainly know how to manipulate to get their immediate want’s met and basically if mummy won’t yield to buying a toy, they will go to secondary supplies to gain that toy and use gestures to charm, yet as soon as they get what they want, they no longer sit with the secondary source, they are off playing with their new toy delighted that they go it (infactuation with an object). Can you please explain to me what is the difference between a narcissist and a threenager bearing in mind the threenager has not become streetwise, nor knows of law and societal boundaries. Threenager’s can also be destructive, kick out when they want their own way, disregard other’s emotions, feelings for the immediate hit (the object of their infactuation-perhaps triggered by something they saw on a tv ad, a toy another child has but not themselves. A threenager, can also readily discard the toy they so obsessed about obtaining when something infactuated over more, replaces that toy if they can obtain it again. To the point now: What is the difference between a three year old and a narcissist?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      The level of damage that can be inflicted PRH. The similarities are indeed applicable. I should imagine that the three year old has no real comprehension of the ramifications of his or her behaviour (which will largely be constrained to making someone upset/disappointed at their behaviour, after all, a three year old is not going to cause financial ruin, job loss, mental breakdown, sexual assault and so forth. The Lesser has no real comprehension of the ramifications, the Mid-Range has some comprehension but does not care and the Greater has comprehension and does not care either. All three of the schools of narcissist of course have the potential to cause far greater levels of damage than a threenager.

      1. Threenies are quite capable of testing boundaries and some are very strong willed, just check out the parents Christmas shopping with them for breakdowns! I hear you, just joshing!

  36. Lisa says:

    Wow interesting interview. Would like to know if HG has children? (something tells me no). Hope to see more videos like this. Fingers crossed.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No I don’t.

      1. Lisa says:

        Hi HG. Just wondering if you would or have considered doing Youtube videos?? I think it would be fantastic. Just saying….

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Hi Lisa, I have done a couple. I need to do more when I have opportunity.

  37. NarcAngel says:

    HG, did you enjoy the copious amount of fuel he was leaking? Obvious by his discomfort and constant assertion that he is “over” his N?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It ranked low on the fuel index. I was gaining more Thought Fuel from the listening audience.

      1. MLA - Clarece says:

        Are the phone consultations personalizing the relationships with your readers even more so? Does it still rank in the tertiary fuel tanks?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          No because I do not know the person and I discuss with them the narcissistic dynamic as a whole and its specific impact on them, it is not a fireside chat. The people are remote strangers and therefore they are tertiary sources.

      2. AH OH says:

        OH boy! Thought Fuel? Where did I read this before more than once? Hmm was is Sarah? Yes Yes. It was her.
        Now is this your coined words or hers. I get confused.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I created it but yes Sarah has referenced it.

  38. Nunja says:

    A voice like butter.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Spread it all over!

  39. AH OH says:

    Tell us like it is through your eyes. If only we would listen.
    Great job and keep up the great work. I agree with Shannon that the courts need to know this dynamic when dealing with the children.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Ah Oh.

  40. MLA - Clarece says:

    Nicely done! Always a special pleasure hearing you speak!!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Clarece.

  41. Love says:

    You did an amazing job!!! And how sweet of you to give us a shout out too! Thank you for the kind words ๐ŸŒน

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you.

  42. C says:

    Got to 38 mins and will have to listen to the rest tomorrow .. concise piece ..

    Question:- is it because of the way you have been treated that makes you behave the way and feel the way you do? If so why inflict that torment onto someone else ..

    Realise that past is past .. hopefully it can’t hurt you now and move on, try not to think well I wasn’t loved so I will do what I want as I do not have any guidelines / boundaries .. your. Ow an adult and should no right from wrong .. or am I off the beaten track?!?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes it is.

      Why inflict that on somebody else? that is the way that fuel is obtained. I know people will think that because you suffered this behaviour one ought to know what it is like so then not behave like that to others, however, I saw the power that came with such behaviour and I wanted that power. I once had very little power and I hated that, I wanted to grasp that power and I was shown the way to do it.

      I do know right from wrong, I just do not care because I have not been created with the same regulating behaviours – remorse, conscience and guilt – that you have.

      1. C says:

        So you want to draw out emotion .. any emotion and at the end of the day don’t give a shit of the consequences, or creating bonds that mean something .. it’s ALL just for fuel as you put it.. seeing someone hurt and you getting off on it ??

        1. HG Tudor says:


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