By the By

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By making you love us, admire us and adore us. By praising our brilliance, marvelling at our superiority and hailing our god-like magnificence. By craving us and worshipping us. By shining your spotlights on us. By seeking your sympathy. By playing the victim. By lying. By lying. By lying again. By issuing excuses. By using you, exploiting you and draining you. By taking your money and your possessions. By isolating you and scaring you. By having you run around for us, jump for us and pander to us. By comparing you to others, by making you anxious and by making you walk on eggshells. By promising the world, jam tomorrow and showing you heaven. By changing the rules that never applied in the first place. By raising the bar and moving the goal posts. By putting you down, mocking you and insulting you. By making you take the blame and by making you feel guilty. By making you scream, cry and sob. By wounding you and hurting you. By confusing and bewildering you. By pushing you and pulling you and pushing you and pulling you. By lifting you up and casting you down. By binding you to us and by sucking you into our world. By false promises and empty apologies. By using him and by adding her. By saying nothing, by saying nothing and by still saying nothing. By lifting you up, by slamming you down, by saying yes and by making you say no, no no. By never listening, by seeing only what we want to see, by doing what we want, by going where we choose and by doing as we please. By some distance, by yourself, by the narcissistic book. By vanishing, by disappearing, by disapproving, by snarling and by sneering. By smiling, by touching, by whispering and by caressing. By promising, by offering, by suggesting and by supplying. By delivering, by forgetting, by letting you down and by walking away. By being the best, by being like nothing else, by giving you your dreams and by shattering them to. By stealth, by slices, by insidious application. By charm, by magnetism and by honey-covered words with sugar-coated smiles. By a nod of the head, by a raise of the eyebrow, by a clench of the fist, by a swing of the foot. By nothing at all, by everything and more, by the first golden light and by the unceasing night. By silence, by shouting, by screaming and by sobbing. By laughing, by teasing, by holding and by shaking. By the illusion, by the fabrication, by the disbelief, by the horror. By the treachery, by the rage, by the isolation and by the smothering. By love-bombing, by triangulating, by gas lighting and by never stopping. By going, by returning, by hoovering and by departing. By not letting go, by giving nothing, by taking everything and by binding you tight.

By existing.

But never bye bye.

21 thoughts on “By the By

  1. By the way…I’m still here, still keeping up my end in the never bye bye as you knew I would be.
    A gal might be busy, but she should never allow herself to be so busy as to not remember to say Thank-You.
    The sheer “bomb”ardment of refresher articles as well as new as of late have been both overwhelming and expected as well as gratefully appreciated. I am still reading every one. Many Esp moments over the last couple months I am seeing as usual between myself and the other posters and yourself, so everything feels on track.
    Each and everyone of those “by” examples has been done to us by others…but…Carly Simon can only come to mind here( who coincidently shares my birth month and day) as she sang “no body does it half as good as you… cause baby your the best” as you being you, are doing all of that and then some to all of us as well…but with great style I must add.
    I can’t help but notice that, “by some distance, by yourself, by the Narcissistic book”, could also be seen as a wonderfuly sublime subliminal message as well HG ;), which brings me to ask the question I wanted to last week. Are you offering for sale any autographed copies of any of your works anywhere by any chance as for me that would be the ultimate…just say when and where.
    Still very much enjoying all comments by my fellow posters. Watching the growth and openess progression that is happening for some that have been long term posters is truly a gift to behold.
    Your words : “by the first golden light and by the unceasing night resonated the most on this one HG.
    Much respect.

  2. Cara says:

    Just by being here…or not being here.

  3. Lisa says:

    Ive come to believe there is no bye bye. We’ve caught a most hideous virus. Not necessarily contagious to others, not one a couple of pills and a good lay down will fix, not one that even changing every aspect of our lives will be able to eradicate. A virus that is now instilled and infused within us. Running through our veins. Our minds. I think we will be taking this one to the grave. Even in future peace, if we are so lucky as to get there, it will still be with us. The autopsy of our body will not show it (unless of course we were physically abused), and the autopsy of our mind will not either. The Head Stone should read as follows….” Here lies a victim of a most hideous virus, undetectable even to those closest to her. So great was her pain, yet the virus lives on. Ready and waiting to attatch itself to its next sufferer.”
    This virus MUST be eradicated…for the sake of future generations.

    1. Hope says:

      I’ve learned (by reading HG’s posts and asking many questions of him that he so kindly has answered) to seize the power – and the virus has run its course.

      I think the cure to all of this: is knowledge and understanding of what we have been dealing with. Once we lose the confusion and understand what has happened, it’s easier to successfully move on.

  4. So Sad says:

    By escaping you by going No Contact, by staying No Contact . By ignoring the hoovers the smears & triangulation. By taking your supply away by removing your fuel, by freeing ourselves from you. By shaking off the ties, by blocking you from social media by text, by phone, by email, by post, by not peeking . By seizing the POWER by living by surviving by moving on by forgetting you even exist.

    Bye Bye.

  5. Patty Hensley says:

    Will he show up in my life again after doing all those things to me? All those things….

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Patty, it depends on whether there is a Hoover Trigger and the Hoover Execution Criteria is met – see the articles Spheres of Influence and Hoover Time! Sphere One for more on how this works.

  6. Wow! Wow! WOOOOW!

  7. B says:

    HG, I know you have gone over this a million times… for fuel and control, fuel and control, fuel and control, but I just can’t understand the need to keep coming back. Why not get your positive fuel from the new source or prospects and the negative fuel from one of the many you have already discarded? Surely there are plenty of fuel sources at your finger tips. Like I have mentioned in an earlier post I was removed from the silent treatment last night after two months (I don’t like the word “hoover” for some reason) but only long enough to let me know that I’m not really worth anything, but a silent treatment. He didn’t even give me time to reply before he said “nevermind”. I don’t know if he has a new primary source and I don’t really want to think about it if he does, but if that is the case then why not focus on that. If he was looking for negative fuel he knows he’s not going to get it from me and he probably already knows or thinks he has me right where he wants me. If I have indeed been discarded then I don’t see the purpose of sending one text just to discard it immediately. I mean how can you discard me when I have already been dicarded. Why have the need to have control over me when you don’t even want me. He kind of sounds like the “ping-pong” type being he is consistent with the silent treatments. We are good for a couple of months then a silent treatment for a couple of months. Back and forth always about a couple of months between the two. If this were the case wouldn’t I know by now? Wouldn’t I know that there was someone else and who she is after a year of this? Do they ever reveal the other person or that there even is or was one?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      We keep coming back for the following reasons:-
      1. You belong to us in our mind set;
      2. We invested in you. Coming back means getting a return on that investment through fuel;
      3. Hoover fuel is more potent because of the challenge involved in acquiring it;
      4. Your fuel anyway (leaving aside the hoover element) regains potency owing to the hiatus which has taken place.

      Of course the extent to which we come back is governed by the Hoover Trigger and the Hoover Execution Criteria and if you make it difficult for this to happen and there are other sources which are easy to tap into, we will go there instead (subject to a Greater and malign intent)

      Given the scenario you have described would you say you were definitely his primary source before the discard?

      1. B says:

        Thank you for the answer, HG. To be honest I don’t have a clue anymore what I am or was. I use to believe that I was the primary source, but I also use to think that he was loyal. When we are together we are together. We spend all of our free time with eachother. I know at this point with the knowledge I have, I have no one to blame but myself. I just can’t get out of this denial and let go.

  8. By being clever, by reading all about you, by setting narcissistic traps, by not making eye contact, by not responding to your conversation, by making it hard for you to survive without ’emotional fuel’, by my ignoring you, by making you disappear, by my, Bye bye

    1. Ashley says:

      By playing into,
      By being a fool,
      By provoking,
      By reacting,
      By insisting,
      By insulting,
      By criticizing
      By being wrong,
      By proving H G correct.

  9. Agh my comment was going to be simply……


    But you beat me too it HG with a never bye bye at the end !

    Build me up……

  10. Sisha says:

    HG Tudor, you are a wizard with words You put it into such beautiful descriptions, that I always think: is it HIM, who is writing these texts and playing me like a fiddle?

    HE knows my deapest fears and knows what hurts me most – I thought I could be strong and grow upon my wounds and my fears – I did and I do…

    I am becoming stronger and I heal myself….

    but then he starts playing on my deepest cravings and desires – the desire for tenderness, the desire to be hold – and on the outside I fight – I fight for saying no, for shielding my boundaries – but inside, inside – already I fall, I fall again ….

    and he says in his most beautiful voice during my struggle: “you are my slave – you think you are free? and whispering the question: who is my slave and answers himself “Sisha is”

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Sisha.

      How are you going to tackle the situation you find yourself in.

      1. Sisha says:

        Dear HG – maybe I will take your offer upon email support those next days 😉
        In general I guess it is not about him – it is about me – I can not change him, I have to tackle my childhood wounds, my fears, my cravings, my worries…..I can only heal myself. He is my master – yes, but also my teacher. And I will grow – one day at a day, one breath at a time. And finally some day I will be free!

  11. 1jaded1 says:

    I still have that magazine…yes, paper and all. What a difference a letter in a word makes.

  12. AH OH says:

    Ah Oh

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