The Ten Initials Narcissistic Desires

Image result for Red in Tooth & Claw


I am red of tooth and claw. I seduce, I hurt, I cast to one side and like some malevolent Pied Piper, I play my tunes once again and draw you into my fabricated world. I operate a zero sum policy. I want what you have. If I gain it, I win. I love to win. I must always win. The winner is the conqueror, the strongest and the survivor. This is what I have been taught. That is the reality of my existence. Yet when you have been selected as our targets and the seduction has commenced, we have certain desires that we want to be true. There are initial desires that exist so that we do not have to go down the road so often travelled. We may have ensnared you but might we remain protector rather than persecutor?

We have these wants at the outset of our coupling with you. These are genuine, well-intentioned and considerable in nature. We are imbued with hope, optimism and confidence, every time a new prospect has been embraced by us. We want these things so that the teeth are never bared and the claws remain lowered.

  1. You are the one

I chose you because you are so special. I truly believe that you are the one, this time, to change everything that has happened before. You are the one who will save us, you have been selected beyond everybody else because you are the one. That is why we have such an infatuation with you at the outset of our relationship.

  1. You will not betray us.

The world is a cruel and harsh place and we know better than most how that is the case. We are surrounded by those who would strike us down and grind us into the nothingness which we fear. Those assassins lurk and wait, seeking their moment and we must ensure we remain vigilant so we do not fall prey to them. Traitors and betrayers mill about us, but we are wise to them. We know their game and we have them in our eye. We do not want you to be one of them.

  1. You won’t be like the others

We thought they would be the ones that we desired but they disappointed and dismayed and they left us no choice other than to punish them for their lack of loyalty and their false promises. We had to do so, otherwise a failure to act would only compound the perception of our weakness and we must at all times project to the world our image of success and magnificence. We hope you will not be like them so we need not maintain such a façade and we hope you will prove your worth so that you will not be like the others and let us down.

  1. You will stop the emptiness

Each and every day we must seek to fill the void that lurks within. It is part of what we are and we accept that this is the task which must be addressed because so much rests on being able to perform this important act. It is the reason for our existence but perhaps you can stop that sense of emptiness for us. Perhaps you can take away that void and provide us with the substance that we crave.

  1. You quell the fury

It is always there, churning away, waiting to be unleashed and directed at some transgressor, critic or traitor. I have learned to control it, many of my kind cannot do so and will never do so, it is a mark of my excellence and my superiority. I make it work for me, to advance my plans and to smite my foes. I have no choice for it is always there, waiting to be ignited in an instant. I can control it but I cannot quell it. Can you be the one to do this for me?

  1. You won’t get too close

Perhaps if you avoid getting too close to us you will not then let us down like the others before you have. We hope that you can provide us with all the things that we desire without the need to invade our inner sanctum which must remain locked and shuttered. Do not attempt to enter there for the consequences are too dreadful, for us both. Do not get too close and perhaps we have a chance to achieve the other desires that we wish for.

  1. You really do love us

They all seem to do so at the beginning but then we find ourselves surrounded by charlatans, con-merchants and frauds. Why does this always happen? All we want is for you to love us, unconditionally and eternally. That is what we only ever wanted.

  1. You will not wound us

No matter how grand and imperial we are, no matter how magnificent our achievements and our deportment that signals to the world that we are truly brilliant, a leader in our field, a behemoth and a colossus, we can be wounded with such despicable ease by those who send criticism our way. It hurts, it burns and it wounds and we must defend ourselves against such unwarranted and disgusting behaviour. Perhaps you will be the one who will not wound us in this way.

  1. You will not leave

Don’t leave us. The others have always done so. We do not understand why that is after everything that we have done, all the things we endeavoured to do to please them and then this is what happens. The others leave us twice. They come with such promise and deliver for a time but then they do so no longer and through such an omission they leave us. We want that person to return but struggle to contain the fury which is unleashed from this horrible criticism of us and then you sever all possibility of a return when you walk away from us. Do you know who you are when you do that?

  1. You won’t make us leave you.

Please do not do the things which force us away from you. The others all headed down that path. It causes us to consider that we are cursed, forever burdened by the fate that we will have no choice other than to leave you in order to secure our survival. Perhaps you can be the one who prevents that feeling from happening?

Each and every time these ten desires loom large when we commence our engagement with you. Some show such promise and for such a time and then one by one these desires are crushed, shattered and obliterated. We know only one way to respond to the destruction of our desires because we are red of tooth and claw.

95 thoughts on “The Ten Initials Narcissistic Desires

  1. Miranda Denisko says:

    Can the narcissist become obsessed with the person if they are rejected? Especially if the relationship never got very far? Only 4 months. They were professing their love to this person but never got much back? I was with a man and he cheated on me with two other women. I’ve talked to both of them but the one didn’t last long. She said it was bc of her daughter and caring for her. Myself and the one woman he does not care about, but became obsessed with the one that rejected him. I unfortunately talked to him after all this. The way he talks about her is creepy and sad. He said and did the same things with all of us. It’s like he built up this fantasy in his head and since it wasn’t fulfilled he is convinced she is the one. Of course he said that to all of us, sadly. And he blames her ex husband for changing her. Which is beyond ridiculous. But, he barely even knew her. He saw her a few times through work. The more he talked about it, the more creeped out I became. Maybe he’s not a narcissist but just obsessive, I don’t know. He ticks a lot of the boxes since I’ve been reading up on it. There is something off about him and I think I am way too curious for my own good.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      There may well be a malice obsession. I would need more detail on the situation and dynamic to give you a fuller view and the most appropriate way to do so would be through a personal consultation.

      1. Star says:

        What of a narcissistic boss? How can you tell if you are being treated badly to boost his fuel, or he doesn’t believe in you as a worker and he wants you gone?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Analyse the behaviours and ascertain whether there is a lack of empathy and do the behaviours accord with those detailed in Manipulated and The Devil’s Toolkit.

  2. Victoria says:

    Hi H.G.
    When you state in your article, “the need to invade our inner sanctum which must remain locked and shuttered. Do not attempt to enter there for the consequences are too dreadful, for us both.” Could you elaborate on what this means exactly. Are you referring to the secret world of tertiary and secondary IP, secret texts and emails, etc?
    Thank you:)

  3. AH OH says:

    On M. Trainer, She is fun, and it is a bit of a throwback from the 60’s style of music. It is not a big deal but colorful and light-hearted.

    Hg, I think your champion is right here on this blog. The one and only B_E. She rocks and knows exactly what you need. This gets my thumbs up!

  4. AH OH says:

    Love, I wish I could show you my closet. There are many many outfits to choose from. If there is no one to assist with a dress, then I pick a different outfit.

    I have had enough experience of a man to unzip my dress to know that picking another outfit is more satisfying in the long run.
    I can have a man if I want. TRUST ME. I am the catch, and they do try, but I just can’t be caught. The right one has not stepped into my site. I will know when he is close.

    1. Love says:

      Ah Oh, I have no doubt you are a hottie! I would love to see your closet. I’m sure your clothes and shoes are fabolous! Can I play dress up??? Sadly I still struggle with my zipper dresses. I wish someone would invent a wand to do it without you having to contort your body.

      1. AH OH says:

        Yes, you can play dress up. I am a size 8 U.S. or 40 EU on the bottom. One size up on the top. Size 8.5 is most shoes but a 9 in high-end designers.
        I have yet to have a friend that fits in my clothes top and bottom.
        I am peasant stock according to my son.

        You will have over 200 pairs to try on, not including boots. I partake in retail therapy.

      2. Love says:

        200? Ah! I think I’m in love. If Christian L. is there too, I will never leave your closet.

  5. Snow White says:

    Hi AH OH,
    That made me laugh!!!! Thanks.
    I really needed that.
    I was out and my PTSD got the best of me when I ran into someone that brought about a ton of triggers. I broke down and the tears haven’t stopped. I do think of you sometimes and wish I had your strength and assertiveness. And your castle. Nobody will mess with you. Lol

    I love and envy that you know exactly who you are.

    1. AH OH says:

      My Dear Snow White,
      I am a strong woman indeed. But please know I am fragile too. I get hurt, but I get up and get on very quickly. I am amazed that so many of my fellow ladies have been in such harsh relationships for so long.
      I will take your admiration and appreciate it and never take this for granted. Hear me roar.

  6. Snow White says:

    Hello BE, I just read this whole post and found it hilarious and entertaining. I do learn a lot from reading your comments and hearing your perspective on everything. Perspective is the key to everything for me.
    When you say you will find “The One”, does that mean he/she will have to accept that monogamy won’t work for you?
    I do believe That someone is out there for you.
    I wish I could be a little more like you. Lol.. You have a lot of great qualities.
    All the luck to you.

    1. bloody_elemental says:

      Good Day Snow White,

      I appreciate your kind sentiments and of course, I appreciate HG allowing me to share my perspective with those who wish to explore it.

      Yes, that is what it means. Monogamy + Me = No.

      That being said, if I found someone who could keep me interested and give me everything I want and need, that might change. No luck so far, though.

      1. AH OH says:

        I am not a NARC, but like most, I do have the characteristics of them.
        I have cheated on every single one of my long term relationships. Even the short term ones. I have not had a long term relationship in many years so I am not sure how I would behave.
        So what am I? The Fruitcake Lady would call me a whore. @ 1:42

        1. HG Tudor says:

          seen it before, still makes me laugh.

      2. Snow White says:

        Good afternoon BE,

        Well HG always says he is a giver, so I will say thank you to him also. Lol

        I liked your equation. It was very simple and I understood. Thanks.
        I do find it interesting to hear your POV about things that HG posts.

        I have said that monogamy was the one thing that I couldn’t get past and I thought I was being understanding since there was going to be the three of us. But in my gut I knew it still wasn’t enough for her and HG confirmed that it would never be that way. I wouldn’t have made it.

        I appreciate who you are and your honestly BE. No doubt you could charm the socks off me. Lol
        You and HG exude charm like I send off the red signal to you both.

        Wishing for your luck to change!!!!

  7. Violet says:

    What do you think it takes for a narcissist to carry through and kill someone?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      A considerable loss of control.

      1. AH OH says:

        And? I was told that everyone has the potential to kill.

  8. OakorWillow? says:

    Is there a way to quiet the fury? Are there any techniques you can share, H.G.?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Indeed, they are in Fury and Escape.

  9. forgotten says:

    I’d sooo love quiet simple man…

  10. It’s not possible to heal an N. They were wounded during the primary bonding stage and would have to do the work on their own to heal. I’ve been in several relationships with N’s who let their masks slip long enough to talk about their childhood wounding with their mother. My ex husband talked about falling out of a second floor window and his mother failing to comfort him. He detailed laying on the driveway cut/bleeding and she ignored his pain. She didn’t attend to his primary safety needs as a child. He is a very successful man in his 50’s and still strives to get her approval. She’a critical, cold and calculating. I call him Baskin Robbins – His women are 31 Flavors. The second N said he feels like there’s a 12-year old boy living in his subconscious who comes out to make people pay. He was bullied as a child and has a critical mother who is emotionally distant. This N doesn’t remember much of his childhood. He talks about stealing, being beaten up by other kids and his brother being their mother’a favorite. His mother broke his femur “by accident” when he was a toddler. This is a very successful man. He is a cerebral Narcissist.
    The third N is a violent man, with rage always boiling under the surface. He beat his wives and says the only thing women are good for is sex. His mother is cold, critical and calculating. She beat him as a child. This man is handsome, suave and wealthy – and hates women, yet can’t stand being alone. He badly wants his mother’s approval too.
    This is the short version on these men. They’re looking for someone to fill the hole left by the wounding created by their mother’s. It’s a no-win situation. They couldn’t get close to their mothers and they can’t win her approval, why would they take the risk with a primary “partner”?
    I deeply loved my ex-husband. Still do, because I can see what happened to him. I love him from a distant and with NC. I deserve a healthy relationship that is recriprocal. We all do.

  11. Violet says:

    This explains EEEEEEVERYTHING! Thank you HG!
    Now I’m not so angry.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome Violet.

  12. MLA - Clarece says:

    You’re killing me with this one H.G. I finally wrap my brain around the concept that everything is an illusion from day one. If your lips are moving, you’re lying. It’s all smoke and mirrors and better yet just mirroring back my emotions. It was never and will never be love.
    Now you list these and the eternal hope flows thru from head-to-toe that there is a way to find and make a connection.
    K.I.L.L.I.N.G. M.E.

    1. MLA - Clarece says:

      That is what the paper airplane would say that I’d bonk you in the head with…

      1. HG Tudor says:

        But I thought it was all about the bass?

      2. Love says:

        Its always about the bass.

      3. MLA - Clarece says:


      4. bloody_elemental says:

        I think this one says it best.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Am I missing something with this M Train character?

          1. bloody_elemental says:

            I can’t stand her. But I like the lyrics…..

            “If I was you, I’d wanna be me too.”

      5. bloody_elemental says:

        Something tells me this needs no further explanation:

        David Gahan is delicious in this video.

      6. So Sad says:

        Thanks for this AH HO . It made me smile 🙂

        It takes me back to a few weeks after I was discarded . I was out walking, something me & narc always did together, well it was free I mean he wouldn’t want to spend money would he..! Anyway I digress.

        So I as out walking, I’ll never forget . It was a freezing cold winters night & I was wandering the streets with no particular direction in mind feeling like my brain was about to explode then this song came on .. I thought to myself you know what So Sad whatever you do don’t let the “”””D into your life again ever .

        And nearly two years on I haven’t . When I hear that song I remember how I cried tears that I thought would never stop but they did.
        Nearly two years on & I’m still free. I’m kinda proud of myself for that .x

  13. bloody_elemental says:

    The One.

    I have said it before many a time. I hope you find her one day HG. I am sure we will all know when it happens – like an atom bomb exploding in tandem with a neutron star.

    We will see it and we will know you have found your Queen.

    1. MLA - Clarece says:

      I like your romantical side, BE! 😜

      1. Love says:

        So do I. What about Mr. Tudor and B_E hooking up? They understand each other so well and speak the same language. Maybe that’s what they both are destined for. 💗

        1. MLA - Clarece says:

          I think that’s for HG to answer. I don’t know that I would pair them up. Too much alike would ultimately cause conflict.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Or world domination!

          2. MLA - Clarece says:

            Sure or that.

      2. Love says:

        Yes, the King and Queen of Darkness. I can dig it. I hope I’m invited to the wedding. Is the lovely couple registered anywhere for fuel? Nothing but the best premium grade for such refined tastes, of course.

      3. bloody_elemental says:

        I enjoy being around my own kind, but I can honestly say I have never had the pleasure of being around one as great as HG.

        Love – It is quite possible I simply adore you.

        Clarece – Your assessment might be dead on, but then again as HG said, our pairing could bring about world domination and catastrophe for everyone who is not us.

        It would certainly be an interesting experiment and would make for a succulently juicy tell-all one way or the other.

        1. MLA - Clarece says:

          Hello B.E.!! Oh, I don’t doubt for a second that world domination would occur for you two. I imagine Dr. O would love to sink her teeth into following that “experiment” for HG to embark on.
          By the same token, having been called a Super Tanker Reservoir” of fuel myself by Master HG, and knowing what he is ahead of time, that could make an interesting pairing experiment as well.

      4. bloody_elemental says:

        I agree Clarece.

        But what makes it incredibly interesting is, we know how it typically ends when HG is paired with an empath. We do not know how it would play out or end (or if it would end at all) if HG was paired with one of his kind.

        Can you just imagine if HG had one of his own as an IP and he ensnared a delicious little empath? The IP would want in on the action and would surely help him seduce and, eventually, conquer the unsuspecting empath. As an empath, you would find yourself dealing with two beasts – one male and one female – working in tandem with one another toward a common goal. Ouch.

        There is a way to make the connection to our kind and HG outlined it above. I do not see an empath being able to fully connect with him on the level he describes above because the empath would always be critical of his dark side and would always seek to change him.

        Who knows? I know an empath would have to, quite literally, sacrifice herself and everything she values in order to have a hope in hell of even halfway meeting HG’s expectations (and we all know halfway is not good enough).

        In all honesty though, I would love watch the dynamic between you and HG, Clarece.

        1. MLA - Clarece says:

          Peaks and valleys and highs and lows for sure! Would make for great reality TV on our favorite Lifetime channel…lol

      5. bloody_elemental says:

        Love – This is why I have said that the woman for the job would most likely not be an empath. She would embrace, accept, encourage and support HG in all of his endeavours, both good and nefarious.

        It is true that you would never be enough. No matter how delicious and high-grade your fuel is.

        HG is looking for Ms. Right – the one who is still standing when all the Ms. Right Nows inevitably malfunction.

      6. bloody_elemental says:

        Or it could be a soap opera.

        “One is Never Enough” starring MLA Clarece as Empathia, the woman who was willing to risk it all for the man of the Golden Period of her dreams, but struggles to keep her tanker of her premium-Grade A fuel from spilling over.

        And HG Tudor as the mysterious and dastardly Count of Monte Narco, who hates to love and loves to hate.

        Will Empathia abandon the light in favour of the darkness? Will the Count open his heart to Empathia or drop the match in her reservoir of fuel leaving her a burnt out shell of her former self?

        Stay tuned……

      7. Love says:

        Ooooh I love it B_E! It needs to be a Latin soap opera for added theatrics. Lots of hair blowing, loud gasps, and face slaps.

        So Mr. Tudor, what do you say? Care to take this challenge and try you own kind as an IP?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I know it would provide you with significant entertainment Love. As to what happens when it is some narc on narc action, look out for the future articles on this topic.

      8. bloody_elemental says:

        Oh, by the time I’m done schooling you, you won’t even be able to say the word empathy without choking on it.

        Then HG will be in big trouble because he’ll have two Dark Damsels to contend with.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          One to the left and one to right of my throne, how marvellous!

          1. bloody_elemental says:

            Two lovely, demonic creatures sat at your feet just waiting to do your bidding.

            It`s good to be King, non?

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Hey BE, it’s great being me!

          3. MLA - Clarece says:

            Lol, because responsible, non-monogamy, polyamorous triangles are where it’s at…for ratings of course!

      9. bloody_elemental says:

        It`s reality television Clarece!

      10. Love says:

        Oh Mr. Tudor, I can hardly contain my excitement!! I can’t wait to read your narc on narc article! It sounds so juicy, it may need to be its own book. I’m waiting with bated breath!! 😈❤😈

    2. AH OH says:

      BE. Is it possible to find the “one”? Even for us mere mortals? I have not. I have been married twice, engaged or asked at least four other times. I had many waiting in the wings, even when I was married.
      I can barely talk to them. My sons ask me if I am prepared to be alone for the remainder of my time.
      In the past 24 hours, I have had three reach out and I just barely engage.

      I did an experiment when I was 26. I wanted to see how many I could have in the dating ring at once. I was up to 14. I was not sleeping with them, just dating. I was called “Landshark” by my sisters.

      I was an interesting female and perhaps very attractive to them.


      I have had enough to last me a lifetime. (as I told my doctor)
      I love me and no one else can do it like I do.
      I have very little tolerance for people.
      I just want lust.
      I want to do what I want to do when I want to do it.

      1. AH OH says:

        Confession……….My mother said I was “boy crazy”

        I thought she was crazy but I found a card I sent her when I was 19, and I still have it, and I wrote about three different boys I was dating.

      2. Love says:

        Ah Oh, who zips up/ zips down your dresses?
        That’s really what ‘the one’ is intended for.

      3. bloody_elemental says:

        When I say “The One” I am talking about The One who will fulfill all of HG’s requirements (and please, HG, know I am not trying to put words in your mouth, only responding from my own perspective).

        The One who accepts him as he is; will not judge him; will allow him to be himself without expecting or asking or seeking change; will be able to keep that steady stream of delicious fuel flowing freely and willingly as the primary source while he gathers what he needs from the rest.

        The One who embraces the darkness but is able to keep it from swallowing him whole.

        I am not speaking about The One in the sense that HG would forsake all others and be faithful or monogamous. That is not possible, nor should it be expected. I am speaking more along the lines of a partner in crime; a willing servant who understands what is required and does all of it without question or hesitation.

        I am all about lust and adoration over love and tenderness, Ah Oh, so I certainly respect the sentiments you expressed above. I do not understand monogamy and it is not something I am capable of, nor is it something I want. I tire of people too quickly to ever consider it.

        I am all about living for oneself, doing the things that please one the most and not giving a good god damn about what anyone else says or thinks about it. To me this is the only way to live.

        Do what pleases you Ah Oh. Always.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Indeed BE, I understand that and appreciate you stating as such.

      4. Love says:

        Thank you B_E. I’m so fascinated about the narcissist point of view. I appreciate you sharing more about yourself. The One, as you describe, would need to be a very strong and resilient woman. She must not only accept the dark side but embrace it too, while holding up the wall so it doesn’t crumble on top of them? Ah, that’s a tall order. As an emotional woman, the infedility alone would slowly chip away at my soul. It doesn’t matter if I know about it and understand his need. For me, its a constant statement that I am not enough. Once the trust is shaken, then my respect for that person also begins to deteriorate. Without trust and respect, I no longer worship him, as is my need. So in the end, I am left without a God, and he without an idolizer.
        You just made realize that I was never meant for your kind. Thank you.

      5. bloody_elemental says:

        Christ, HG is right (as always!)

        The house would be in utter shambles if we were to get into a row.

    3. Muse says:

      BE and HG if you two hooked up would monogamy just go out the window? No jealousy or wanting to possess one another?

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Not just the monogamy but the oak, the pine and the black ash too. All furniture will be defenestrated.

      2. bloody_elemental says:

        I wouldn’t expect HG to remain monogamous because I accept that it is not possible and I understand the reasons why it is not possible.

        There are far more important things to me than monogamy, trust, love, etc. Remember, I do not value the same things you ladies do when it comes to a partner.

        Of course I would be jealous and that would give HG fuel. Though, I suspect it might be received and used differently because it would be provided in a much different manner and for a much different reason.

        I would relish my superiority and would get great satisfaction in knowing I am unique and completely different from everyone else he targets. I am not run of the mill or average like all the rest.

        But keep in mind, you all know HG has said numerous times that he would not seek out a long-term partnership with his own kind. For fairly obvious reasons.

        So, all you delicious little empaths can breathe a sigh of relief in knowing that I am not going to steal your Knight in Shining Harmour away from you.

      3. Love says:

        It sounds like a very passionate relationship. B_E you would never steal him from us, you would join in on the fun, right? But then again, I know you narcs hate to share. Oh well, you two can hash it all out in marriage counseling. I will be sure to bake some cookies and bring them by.

        Lol @ harmour.

      4. Muse says:

        Can I steal you BE? I don’t mind being better than the others 😉

      5. bloody_elemental says:

        I like cookies, and I remember that HG does too.

        Chocolate chip, peanut butter, fudge chocolate, cinnamon, cranberry and orange and white chocolate.

        *jazz hands*

  14. AH OH says:

    My ex-narc said he was very sorry he did not do things differently. He apologized for treating me as he did and wished we could start over. I said “thank you” and “if you feel this then why not act on it?” He said I scared him and he doubts I would ever forgive him.
    All remains to be seen. I do think he is sorry that I was hurt but not sorry for his actions. He said it had nothing to do with me. He was manic, and he did what he wanted to do.
    He does not want to have me back, but he likes that he can talk to me. He can’t tell anyone else he has NPD and sees a shrink; they would run.
    (I do say mean things to him like “stop dating women who look like your sister.”)
    Oh Jonathan, lost boy. He is a child in a man’s body.
    (I think he believes I will still be here when, as he says “flips the switch” to commit)

  15. Ptsdafternarcabuse says:

    I went NC for two months but eventually failed to resist the hoovers. He proposed that we remain ‘best’ friends forever, nothing romantic. Plus, he moved so we don’t meet face to face anymore. I don’t know if I’m just being hopeful that we can remain friends forever, or if he’ll eventually discard that too. Right now he’s in major depression and very low on supply. I want him to get better. I want to be there for him. He seems to be remorseful for all the hurt he caused me (triangulation, projection, blame shifting, silent treatments, indifference followed by respite) But HG said that he is using pity pleas in order to get sympathy fuel. I guess i know deep down he will discard the friendship once he gets out of his depression😔
    I admire your strength!

    1. Micheila says:

      If you were held captive by someone who was slowly strangling you to death, would you feel bad for the person or would you want to escape with your life intact amap? No, you would run screaming as soon as you possibly could and NEVER look back. LEAVE. It IS a matter of life and death for you or anyone ensnared with this kind of person. Learn to love yourself more than anyone.

      Make your total focus be on YOU and rebuilding your life, self esteem and strength. You will not regret this when you feel the happiness, joy, peace and stability which are all super fortifying return to your life. I know this is true because I escaped from a high level narcissist. I know now after several attempts that I will never go back. They do not change or heal and there is not a damn thing anyone can do to help them, nor do they truly want it. Turn your focus onto what can be helped and made well….YOU. You are worth it love, and you will come to know this. 💗

  16. Jessica says:

    I have a hard time thinking about what was the past. Literally only almost three months ago. I still do not forgive but my anger is lessened. Everything that HG has shared is all true. The Ns do not care. They are broken and will never see us as loving human beings. Get out while you still have a soul and a backbone. That is my prayer for all who have escaped and had no contact.

  17. Snow White says:

    But you have an agenda.

    6. She often told me that she never let people get too close to her. They always hurt her. But she also is the one who told me about being the victims in every part of her life.
    Are you afraid of us finding out about the facade, being a narcissist, or/and the creature. She called hers the monster.

    9. That one is the hardest. She set me up from the beginning into telling her that I was different and that I would always be with her and would never leave. She set me up to feel guilty when it was over and some days I still do.

    My therapist asked me today if I still thought I could fix her and I replied “”NO”.
    She wanted to know what my feelings were towards her and I said that I will never hate her. Even though she almost ruined my life. I feel sorry for what happened in her life to make her have to live like this. She does what she does because she believes that’s the way she has to. She is soo young. And I feel sorry for her wife that will have to pick up the pieces for her forever.
    HG, a lot of things clicked this week for me.
    Thank you
    But I was still emotional thinking how much power she had over me and how much she can still affect my emotions.
    You are completely right when you tell your readers to keep reading and to understand your perspective. It takes awhile.

  18. Reblogged this on NarcMagNet69x96.

  19. Innocent no more says:

    Why do you blame us? Its all you!! Your the one that changes, doles out the abuse, no one will stay for that. So yes you will be disappointed. The ones you pick, were top dog, and were for real, where your fake. Your life must suck.

  20. It isn’t so easy to quell the fury… My exN would say that he was able to control his fury much more with me but then HIS imagination would get the best of him… a dream he’d have or a thought, absolutely nothing to do with my treatment of him. I would try to assure him that would never happen and he would respond that the dreams would always come true, never in the almost 8 years we were together did they come true yet I received the fury from them…

    1. Ptsdafternarcabuse says:

      I noticed that he hoovered you right on this blog! Is he still hoovering or are you now in touch? I ask because I am in touch with my narc after his hoover. I am co-dependant. I tried but I was unable to maintain no contact.

      1. I am NC with him even though he had been VERY persistent. I have been face to face with him at least once a week, not by coincidence or choice. He knows my work schedule and even though I have been very careful about removing him from my accounts, my car appointment slipped through and they called him to remind him, he showed up there too. I refuse to engage even though he would calm down for a bit if I did BUT rest assured their behavior will revert. I went no contact for a month in the beginning, it was a wild ride. I gave in and made rules, he abided for one week and started complaining I wasn’t giving him enough time, started accusing me of having someone else and went absolutely nuts… It is the same repetitive action.
        This week alone he has sent me flowers, shown up to the gas station by my work and of course driven by my home as well as telling people at our old spots to tell me f u. I have countless loving texts followed by even more F U texts. I remain silent, I’ve had 1 full day of silence….we will see what next week holds. 🙂
        I do not know your situation but do yourself a favor and go no contact unless you want to stay with your narc.
        HG has excellent advice on this matter as he knows exactly what responses and reactions to their hoovering will garner!

  21. Angel says:

    I can’t walk away from him. 1. Because I whole heartedly love him and would do anything to make him happy. 2. Because I can’t bare the thought of abandoning him like his mother did. I refuse to hurt him like that.

  22. Starr says:

    When you say you wan what we have what exactly is that ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Your emotions, your traits, your resources.

      1. AH OH says:

        what? what traits do you want from women?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Any which serve a purpose, for instance, if someone was knowledgeable about wine and I wanted to use that, their successes in the past, their current achievements, there is a host of items.

  23. The bridge says:

    HG, how many girls you’ve had so far?( of course thay are still yours).
    I’m just curious. If the question is too intimate, sorry, of course no need for your answer.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Primary sources or in total?

      1. The bridge says:


      2. AH OH says:

        Are you really going to give your number? Don’t do it! It will be held against you for future devaluation! Oh! that would be me. My story is my number is LOW and I am sticking to it.

    2. The bridge says:

      Primary only

      1. HG Tudor says:

        More than five less than a hundred. Full details will be available in The Asylum Of The Grotesque.

  24. Cara says:

    Well of course I love to win.

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