Ex Machina




I wake. I sigh. I wait. I see. I smile. I rise. I look. I notice. I awaken. I observe. I pause. I brush. I spit. I view. I hear. I glance. I surge. I type. I halt. I listen. I note. I grin. I step. I stand. I lather. I rinse. I wipe. I turn. I move. I check. I nod. I collect. I foam. I shave. I clear. I admire. I piss. I flush. I smear. I moisturise. I turn. I catch. I dry. I spray. I dress. I adore. I answer. I speak. I understand. I climb. I descend. I eat. I compliment. I accept. I plan. I consider. I formulate. I read. I zone. I screen. I drink. I kiss. I extract. I gather. I accumulate. I garner. I stockpile. I brush. I check. I rise. I exit. I call. I tease. I plot. I move. I drive. I sing. I cruise. I forge. I advance. I frustrate. I lie. I speed. I overtake. I gesticulate. I rage. I growl. I glower. I overcome. I bristle. I prowl. I dictate. I oversee. I lead. I achieve. I pioneer. I evaluate. I target. I flirt. I chastise. I laugh. I frown. I complete. I direct. I orchestrate. I demand. I secure. I fabricate. I succeed. I triumph. I challenge. I inspire. I decide. I action. I activate. I consume. I quench. I envy. I roar. I rage. I burn. I slash. I throttle. I lash. I denigrate. I belittle. I strike. I wound. I attack. I conquer. I despise. I hate. I overrun. I dominate. I sign. I shake. I clench. I maintain. I read. I assimilate. I conduct. I move. I touch. I preserve. I continue. I subjugate. I exceed. I impress. I frighten. I illuminate. I shine. I blaze. I buy. I offer. I grace. I favour. I entertain. I joke. I outrank. I outflank. I identify. I attract. I bind. I deceive. I con. I dedicate. I pretend. I know. I understand. I grasp. I press. I pull. I remove. I shadow. I lure. I beckon. I bestow. I receive. I evade. I deny. I deflect. I swing. I duck. I blacken. I obscure. I hide. I take. I grab. I have. I remove. I strip. I push. I enter. I thrust. I delight. I lick. I bite. I tug. I caress. I probe. I stroke. I entrance. I hypnotise. I mesmerise. I float. I soar. I smooth. I sooth. I confuse. I defraud. I steal. I distract. I depart. I ignore. I sneer. I calculate. I follow. I invigilate. I guard. I misinform. I perjure. I mislead. I falsify. I construct. I destroy. I tell. I withhold. I reduce. I erode. I cloud. I arrive. I amass. I harbour. I harvest. I pluck. I suck. I drain. I acquire. I takeover. I obliterate. I annihilate. I beat. I overcome. I assure. I ignite. I manipulate. I control. I assuage. I decide. I conclude. I reflect. I dismiss. I ascertain. I point. I click. I review. I tap. I send. I spin. I trap. I block. I unblock. I do. I don’t. I will. I won’t. I can. I cannot. I should. I shouldn’t. I would. I wouldn’t. I did. I didn’t. I oppose. I combine. I bewilder. I daze. I encircle. I defend. I swoop. I revel. I increase. I fume. I snarl. I infuriate. I retaliate. I provoke. I win. I switch. I lower. I triumph. I outsmart. I outreach. I succeed. I delight. I accomplish. I remember. I twist. I turn. I grimace. I scratch. I scrape. I whisper.

I close.

I sleep.

I wake.

I am.

I repeat.

74 thoughts on “Ex Machina

  1. bloody_elemental yes, you are a Virtual Reality but the damage is real! I’d like to ask you more questions about you purpose here in this bowslinger world, would you be open to that?

    1. bloody_elemental says:

      I do not mind if you ask me questions, but this is not my forum, so it remains up to HG if he permits your questions and thus my answers.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Go ahead GG. Thank you BE.

    2. Thank you bloody_elemental for this unique & rare opportunity. these questions are just the start. if you liked to continue, I still have more questions. We might create a book of questions and your answers. I might suggest to call it
      “An Interview with a Human Robot” I think it would be the first of it is kind in human history, just like H.G unique books. and now, you may proceed to the questions
      What do you think about the claim that says, this world is controlled by a super natural artificial intelligence?
      What do you think about the movie The Matrix?
      Do you think that we live in a spiritual warfare between the human machines (robots) and the human targets in this system?
      Do you know your purpose in this life? if you do, what it is?
      Do you have the free will to stop doing your program?
      What would happen if your program does not produce any effect on the targets any more?
      What would you feel if your target has become free of your influences & infections?
      What are the Main techniques you use to infect your target?
      Do you receive instructions from the super natural artificial intelligence about selecting a specific target?
      Do you receive upgrades to your original program? if you do,what are the reasons?
      Can you copy your program into another human machine or human target?
      I have noticed that narcs work against a particular target as a hive mind! Do you think that is correct?
      Can you create a hive mind war against a particular target?
      would that hive mind army be only from the human machines?
      Can you communicate telepathically with the human machines?
      Do you see the target as your enemy? why?
      What it takes for someone to be immune to your infections?
      Do you know what is the difference between you and your target on the spiritual level?
      Do you think narcs are a part of the super natural artificial intelligence?
      Can you channel the super natural artificial intelligence machine mainframe?
      Do you have interactions with the super natural artificial intelligence machine mainframe?
      Do you know why the targets have to be enslaved & infected?

  2. Lisa says:

    He would always refer to himself as a machine. After a shower…Im a clean machine. Goes to work…Im a working machine. After (attempting) to fix something…Im a talented machine. Ugh!!! Never once did I hear him say he was a ‘love machine’. Pfft!! He could have added to HG’s list…I bully, I intimidate, I belittle, I accuse, I withdraw, I resent, I drink, I control. Sooo much more. Now…all I see is……..I whither!

    1. Christine says:

      He forgot to say I moan ,I complain,I am a victim I feel sorry for me I have been hurt so I can hurt you !🤔

      1. HG Tudor says:

        I never moan or complain. Unless it is your fault of course.

      2. Lisa says:

        Hi Christine. He was good at saying “I have feelings you know”, at which point I would shake my pinky finger at him! Thats the only limit if feeling I ever saw…..

  3. Sub_Servant says:

    But oh…the whisper. ❤️️

    1. Forgotten says:

      my recent week? I wake up, I miss YOU(!!!) ,I can’t fall asleep because miss You.

  4. Great job Sisha. That is what is happening in every house

  5. Sisha says:

    I surrender – I cry – I hurt – I die – I suffer – I wait – I beg – I say sorry – I accept – I organize – I write – I work – I wait for my master to call…
    I numb – I burn – I feel – I forgive – I run away – I come back
    I surrender to my destiny – I am his slave and he is my devil .

    1. MLA - Clarece says:

      A year ago, that was me too. Now I can say I deserve better.

  6. bloody_elemental says:

    I am not being kind, I am being factual.

  7. Bloody_elemental you have a great understanding of this system? Did you come to this world with that knowledge or did you figure it out here?

    1. bloody_elemental says:

      I was both born and created with this understanding.

      What I adore about HG is the way he puts things into perspective – he explains our kind so perfectly. It is refreshing to be able to converse, discuss and learn from someone who is not always cramming the clinical side of things down my throat.

      Thanks to HG, I am learning more about the impact we have on others. I never took my impact into consideration before because frankly, I did not care. I cannot say I care any more than I did before, but I am more aware.

      I have no interest in changing. I have no reason to change. Much like HG, the way I am works for me and that is all that matters to me.

      That being said, the people that frequent this space are some of the most intelligent and thoughtful people I have seen on any forum (and yes, I have seen many) and I do enjoy conversing and interacting with them. Most have accepted me for who and what I am and how I express myself.

      And then there is HG. It brings me a tremendous sense of satisfaction and……I am not sure what word to use here – to know he exists. For me, this place is almost like home and I am grateful for everything HG is doing here, and to his loyal readers and fans for being so open, so willing to learn and so eager to understand.

      1. You are too kind BE, you should stay your vampy sexy self… just the way we love you! 👄

      2. Thank you BE for the answer. I thought you were a target too but from your answer I assume that you are a program from the machine system ( in the human language “narcissist”) Am I correct?

        1. bloody_elemental says:

          I am a super program. I can also be a virus.

          I am not a target. I am the bowslinger.

      3. Love says:

        You rock B_E! I’m glad your on this blog.
        You are educating us too. Big hug to you! 💜❤💙

  8. Welcome to the machine Matrix. Oh.. No.. I am in the wrong wonderland!

  9. NarcAngel says:

    Amen to your who is crazy and who is normal comment Ah Oh.

  10. 1jaded1 says:

    I’m sure this will be posted. Either that or it will go to trash. Appliances and machines are synonymous while each having a unique definition. My point is that HG is much better than either. I hope he agrees to that.

    1. Indy says:

      Just my two cents here. Look how HG ends this piece, which essentially how it begins too: “I am. I repeat.” Interpret as you will. I interpret it as a human who behaves like a machine, but ultimately returns to that humanness for a brief moment- at waking and sleeping. Then the machine begins again to get through the day without that bothersome emotional center interfering him(beast). That brief moment is where the boy is, where the man is, where the human resides. All else is to distract from that, because that is also where the walled emotions rest.

      1. MLA - Clarece says:

        Goes back to that theory his body is in a constant state of hyperarousal / hypervigilence because he has numbed emotional processing due to past events.

  11. 1jaded1 says:

    When you think about it, a machine is nothing more than an appliance…repeat…do it…repeat. You are hetter than that

    1. 1jaded1 says:


      1. bloody_elemental says:

        Not true, dear Jaded.

        Some machines are better built than others. They are of superior class and quality. The material and care with which they are fashioned is unmatched by mediocre models.

        Big difference between Machine and Appliance.

        Machine: an apparatus using or applying mechanical power and having several parts, each with a definite function and together performing a particular task.

        Appliance: a device or piece of equipment designed to perform a specific task, typically a domestic one.

        HG is a Super-Machine.
        He is the Machine that keeps all the Appliances in line.

        1. MLA - Clarece says:

          Alas, all machines break down at some point. Humans then come in and make the repairs or replace if it has become obsolete.

      2. bloody_elemental says:

        All machines do break down, Clarece.

        But the Super-Machine does not. Especially if the Super-Machine is properly cared for and maintained by the best of the best.

        Sadly, not everyone knows how to properly care for a Super-Machine. It is that sub-par care, combined with the Super-Machine being fed sub-standard fuel and being forced to deal with glitchy applications and processes loaded with treacherous viruses, that can result in wear and tear.

        1. MLA - Clarece says:

          Hmmm…yes and no. I totally get and appreciate your sentiment. But, a machine is still a machine. I work for a distributor of refuse and material handling equipment so I’m around that every day. Big, powerful pieces of equipment can be repaired and properly maintained but all eventually meet their shelf life and the final control goes back to the humans over the machines fate for one more costly repair or replacement. We all meet our timely fate and get the choice how we want to go out and with whom by our side.

      3. bloody_elemental says:

        Clarece – This is one of those times when we can respectfully agree to disagree and there will be no love lost between us.

        I respect what you are saying and your observations, but I do not share the same perspective as you.

        You come from the perspective that the humans decide the fate of the machine. I come from the perspective that it is the fault of the humans that the machine gets worn out or breaks down in the first place.

        But I still love you.

        1. MLA - Clarece says:

          Awww, thanks for being “gentle” with me! No worries! The love is coming right back at you!!

      4. B.E.,

        Since we are the appliances I would like to correct your appropriate definition to something that more appropriately define us:

        *Taken from google as well*

        2. The action or process of bringing something into operation.

        After all my dear sweet narcissists… whom I admire greatly, you all need us to operate, you survive… Your fuel! <3

        As much as I treasure the machines I fuel, I also treasure myself and do not want to be placed at the bottom…unless 😈 😉

      5. bloody_elemental says:

        My definition was accurate. The definition I used above was in relation to the noun or object.

        Your definition was for the verb, which does not apply because WE are the verb.

        We do not survive – we live.

  12. Ptsdafternarcabuse says:

    This is profound and brilliantly written. It helps me to understand the narcissist’s point of view much better now. I noticed most of those are action words. The only words expressing feelings are the following- I smile, I rage, I laugh, I frown, I lash, I wound, I despise, I hate, I float, I soar, I fume, I delight. I know narcs feel anger from injury thus the rage, frown, lash, wound, despise, hate, and fume. But i thought narcs don’t feel happiness so why the smile, laugh, float, soar, or delight? Thank you HG. Your have a very high level of self awareness. My narc doesn’t know why he does as he does (mid-ranger).

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you PTSD. I can smile without feeling happy. I do so when I am amused, when I feel powerful and when I wish to fake a smile because I know how to and when to. I laugh because I have an excellent sense of humour. Float and soar are ways of conveying power rather than happiness. As for delight, when I write “I delight” I mean with reference to delighting others as in I cause delight, I do not mean I am delighted.

      1. 1jaded1 says:

        That Patrick Bateman smile…

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I am not going anywhere 1jaded without reservations.

          1. 1jaded1 says:

            Ha! The place I have in mind doesn’t take reservations. Oh well.

  13. bloody_elemental says:

    This is one of my favourite posts you have ever written. I relate 100 per cent to it.

    I adore machines.

    1. AH OH says:

      You are a machine B_E. Don’t you adore appliances?

      1. bloody_elemental says:

        I adore machines because I am one. I adore machines because I understand them.

        Appliances……illicit different feelings in me all together.

        1. AH OH says:

          I feel like a machine when I go shopping. I swear I do. I start scanning as I rise up on the escalator to the third floor at Neimans. It is wild how it feels.
          I feel like a panther when I am on the hunt for a kill (a physical interaction). I seem to enjoy the former much more these days.

  14. Darkness Falls Again says:

    This made me think of this

  15. 1jaded1 says:

    You moisturize….that still sticks out. At the risk of invoking your fury and causing you to use your rules…you do that every day as a machine? That sounds so much like an appliance.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I shave thus I moisturise

      1. 1jaded1 says:

        Now I have that scene from Sixteen Candles in my head. The one with “Clean Close Shave”. That’s not a bad thing.

      2. Love says:

        Do you use the old fashioned brush to lather and razer blade to shave? Do you ever go scruffy?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I use a Geo F Trumper shaving brush and a cutthroat razor at home. When away I use shaving gel and a triple Gillette bladed razor for speed. One always wet shaves. I occasionally allow a day or two’s growth at the odd weekend, subject to what I am doing and I never shave when I go ski-ing.

          1. 1jaded1 says:

            I’m not surprised you shave in that manner. It is fascinating to watch one do that. That makes sense to moisturize. Never dry shave..ouch!

      3. Love says:

        Wow, the shaving brush and cutthroat blade sound so sexy! You must be very talented with it. I’m sure your scruffy look is swoon-worthy as well.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It is highly satisfying listening to the strop strop strop of that razor as somebody watches transfixed by its movement.

      4. Love says:

        I’m transfixed just reading about it.

    2. LOL I was thinking he gets out of the shower and lathers up! You know that it is important to keep your skin moisturized!!! <3 I have bottles of lotion everywhere! 🙂

  16. entertainment says:

    I understand😊

  17. mrskmmccoy says:

    H.G I just purchased your “No Contact” book and I’m so excited. Once I’m done, i’ll be sure to write a review. . 🙂

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you, I’m sure you will find it invaluable.

  18. Indy says:

    I am. Everything else is just detail that distracts me from my mortality and connection to other.

    1. MLA - Clarece says:

      Nicely done!

  19. MLA - Clarece says:

    I hope one day you meet the one that you can trust so you can add “I surrender”.

    1. AH OH says:


      Not going to happen. It is a choice that he does not want to make. Why fix it if it is not broken for him. This is the crazy that we see; this is the normal that he sees.

      Who is crazy and who is normal.

      1. MLA - Clarece says:

        I wish Dr. O could weigh in on this one. Lol

      2. bloody_elemental says:

        Absolutely agree.

      3. AH OH says:

        In saying this, I still fantasize about his darkness and wanting to be near it.
        Now who is the crazy?

    2. 1jaded1 says:

      MLA Clarece. I agree with your sentiments regarding machines. Appliances “X”.0

  20. NarcAngel says:

    Thats just my Tuesday. I’m exhausted lol.

  21. Love says:

    Wow. You are a fuel-guzzling machine. I now understand Newton’s 2nd law of motion.

  22. Sarah says:

    I like this post…u look a little down in the picture tho 🙁 I’d think you’d be gloating with your new promotion…did the person you talk about in Thank You ever say thank you?

  23. AH OH says:

    I see.

  24. I love. I empathize. I care. I concern. I pity. I yearn. I grace. I feel. I cherish. I hope. I dream. I believe. I adore. I attract. I attach. I Give. I sympathize. I devote. I favor. I cooperate. I share. I commiserate. I console. I discern. I ally. I tenderize. I help. I relate. I cheer. I warm. I soothe. I greive. I hug. I kiss. I make love. I smile.

    I will never be like you.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I know.

  25. So much character… You could make that your theme song, now all you need is music… Or maybe not.

  26. Reblogged this on NarcMagNet69x96.

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