The Narcissistic Truths – No. 20

i-smear-out-of-fear

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61 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No. 20”

  1. My ex narc BF used to tell me all the time that he feared me. Feared that I could cheat on him, feared that I could hurt him emotionally, feared that I could twist and turn our arguments to benefit me. It looks like these were all things he did and he was simply projecting them onto me. He’s probably about a Lesser-Mid range type. Any thoughts, HG on why he would ‘admit fearing me’ ?

    1. All about the Pity Play by stating these fears. Yes it was projection designed to gauge control “No dear N I won’t cheat on you” and to cause you to provide fuel.

  2. Hi. HG. Well I now know, upon discovering this blog, why I am so targeted by Narcs. Especially the Elites. I am this thing called a super empath. And with all your gracious insight on these matters I now have super x-ray vision with regard to your brethren ( love that term!) which is causing massive fallout in my once-solid social arena. Oh well. There was bound to be some collateral damage.

  3. It was very subtle, i pay very close attention to the one I love.
    Why thou?

  4. Why would a Greater expose themselves to an IP?
    I have no doubt what he is, not of your standing, yet one none the less?
    It was subtle, yet not mistaken for what he was doing
    It was private not a public affair so to say

  5. I’m proud of you, HG, for admitting this. You’ve clearly made progress!! Admittingfear actually, paradoxical, makes you stronger.

  6. That explains why when I was telling my ex things weren’t working out, etc – he’d cry “you can ruin everything!!” and act dramatic.
    Then he’d throw me one of those Initial Grand Hoovers. That tended to work pretty well, but the last time he did it – he called me the wrong name… :/

    So, I told him it was over (never in a million years intending to do anything mean or hurtful to him. I just wanted to stop seeing him.)
    Which sent him into a rage, and after another failed IGH, he immediately started smearing me right away.

    I was furious because that was unnecessary. I had no reason to blow his cover, it’s none of my business. He can live his life however he wants. I was done with it all.

    Funny thing is, if he had just said okay, it’s over am sorry things didn’t work out. Have a good life. We both would’ve went on with our lives, and I wouldn’t be here reading HG Tudor trying to figure out why in the hell he acted the way he did to me.

    Although in a way, I’m almost glad he did that at the end so I could learn what I had been dealing with so I am never ensnared again.
    Thanks, HG 🙂 I learn more practical life lessons from you than I ever did in college.

  7. Sorry picture dude…your hands are still dirty.

    HG. In the past you’ve stated you fear nothing. I can see this as an extension based of your comments to the others on this post. Thank you for elaborating.

    I do like picture dude’s choice of tie color.

  8. Would fear or how an N responds to perceived fear be a sole indicator of what kind of N he is? Even when I was in love with him, I could tell he had a lot of fears that he cloaked in all manner of ways–rage, anger, sadness etc. Do only Lesser and Mid-Range N’s feel fear?

    1. We fear very little. It is the manifestation as opposed to the existence of fear itself that varies with each school of narcissist. Greaters are far more accomplished at keeping it hidden. The Lesser and Mid-Range cause it to appear when fuel runs low and often through the application of items such as drink or drugs.

      1. The biography exists in a fragmented form but the entirety will emerge through the following books which are works in progress, MatriNaric, Little Boy Lost, The Creature, The Asylum of the Grotesque.

    1. I fear virtually nothing. I would never ordinarily admit to fearing something when dealing with people but in this arena there are barely a handful of matters which cause fear for me. Others of my kind experience a wider range of fears owing to their less developed, control and abilities, but in the world beyond this space you would see no fear.

      1. ‘Fear nothing’….Question for you HG, would a true Narc profess his fears of being claustrophobic to his intimate partner or others? If so, wouldn’t that be showing weakness on his part(?) which we all no is a no-no. This man wasn’t able to get into an MRI machine without me there, sitting on a stool with earplugs in my ears so that the noise wouldn’t deafen me. Without me there to look at him he would develop a full blown panic attack. Aren’t those who suffer from panic or anxiety weak and would be considered lesser beings for said weaknesses?

        “There is nothing to fear my dear except for fear itself”

      2. What about fear of living alone? Having no day to day functioning human fuel supply. This wouldn’t cause a bit of stress or fear for you? Fuel isn’t always easily found or accessible as one might believe.

      3. I live alone now so that is not an issue.
        If I had no day to day fuel supply that would indeed be a concern.
        I have had no problems gaining fuel so far but I accept it is not always straight forward for some of our kind Triple B.

    2. I disagree. Everyone fears something whilst alive and breathing. I know your fear HG. If we have read your writings then we already know what fears public enemy number 1. Grim Reaper ring a bell here with anyone?

  9. Ugh….don’t get me started today on this one…but I’ve been up all night as one of my ex-narcs (looonnnnggg story) decided to send me security camera equipment hoover via email as in watch thy back so I I’ve been on night watch – it’s good I only need 3-4 sleep a night – but God bless you HG for such education on how to avoid these types of situations! Did I post a comment on what to fear in the smear? I can’t even remember…I need a nap!

      1. Not my husband some crazy people from the Internet – I didn’t even have to date a Narc before I got all the bad stuff! Kinda funny but to make it easier i am going to refer to such person(s) as an ex when I ask HG what to do about them

    1. Sarah, you have been with narcs before? I thought your step son and his mom were your first experience.

  10. To react to such comes from fear, it is a matter of reconizing what it is you fear so you can respond accordingly.

    1. Nice!!! When fear is not justified , that is it exactly. When justified, it is a survival mechanism we evolved and serves us well (i.e. Like that gut feeling that we need to listen to when encountering a true predator. The hard part is knowing when to trust your gut

  11. “Fear not, dear friend, but freely live your days
    Though lesser lives should suffer. Such am I,
    A lesser life, that what is his of sky
    Gladly would give for you, and what of praise.
    Step, without trouble, down the sunlit ways.
    We that have touched your raiment, are made whole
    From all the selfish cankers of man’s soul,
    And we would see you happy, dear, or die.
    Therefore be brave, and therefore, dear, be free;
    Try all things resolutely, till the best,
    Out of all lesser betters, you shall find;
    And we, who have learned greatness from you, we,
    Your lovers, with a still, contented mind,
    See you well anchored in some port of rest.” ❤

    by Robert Louis Stevenson

  12. This comforts me a little. I truly do have some power. But damn that smear! Targeted right at my vulnerability.

    Will you explain further the fear that causes you to smear? Wow do I know you have to annihilate people who see through the facade! Are you afraid of the people who see through you? If so, why? Are you still afraid of them after you tell your lies and destroy them?

    1. It is based on the potential to lose the much needed superiority and control, the potential for exposure, the fracturing of the façade and all of the fuel consequences which flow from that. The fear of those who see through is dependent on the type that we are and whether we perceive that they can cause wider problems with regard to exposure as I have written about in separate blog articles AC. No, the effect of the lies in damaging their credibility, shattering their truth and the fuel gained from doing so alleviates any fear that existed.

      1. Good afternoon Mr. Tudor. Hope you are having a pleasant Sunday. In your experience, which type of IP did you worry would expose you? Empath, super empath, or codependent. I can’t imagine a codependent ever would. It would be like shooting themselves in the foot. They wouldn’t ever want to lose you or your power.

      2. The Super Empath and in my case I was never concerned about the SEs I engaged with exposing my dark side, I knew I could deny, deflect, use the façade etc, it was the one SE (and the first I had ensnared) who told me what I was. She was right and I was concerned she would expose that elsewhere and at a time when my skills were still very much in development with regard to smearing.

      3. Thank you. Are you drawn to SEs now (because of their empathy, of course) but more so the challenge/thrill/danger they may present? Could one ever be that influential that their words might resonate with others?

        Is your reputation truly that spotless? Or does your power and authority allow you to quelch rumors immediately as they arise?

      4. I am drawn to all empaths for obvious reasons but co-dependents and super empaths are naturally a greater prize owing to the increased fuel provision. SEs appeal the most for the reasons that you have advanced. There is the potential for their words to resonate with others but I have utter faith in my authority, power and smearing to quash the rumours as you identify.
        My reputation is spotless to all save for those IPs who were discarded as primary sources and a number of secondary and tertiary sources who have been on the receiving end of my dark side. The façade is a powerful thing and it continues to grow and build.

      5. Wow Mr. Tudor, you are amazing. I have never met a narc, until you, who didn’t have enemies. By enemies, I do not mean discarded IPs. I mean people of influence. The bridges the narcs burnt could never be rebuilt.

      6. I am intelligent enough to ensure that I keep those of influence onside and the dark side under control with such people. They are of considerable use to me and thus I will not burn those bridges. I have secondary and tertiary sources who hate me but they are either of no influence or less influence than me and therefore of little concern.

      7. Me either Love, though I truly LOVE each narc I have experienced 💖

      1. Loss of control of your surroundings?
        My, what a way to have to live.

  13. Because of the fear that the facade is fading?
    Because you want everyone to believe you and not us about what happened? You have to get to them first?

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