I Love You (And I Always Have)
This is a well-used phrase by our kind and is wheeled out with regularity during love-bombing. At face value and of course that is how you will take it because you are in the midst of a veritable whirlwind of compliments, flattery and passion, this seems a straight forward enough comment to make. However there is far more to it than meets the eye. Just as we operate from a different perspective to you, we also utilise language in a different way and one of the key ways of tackling our kind is to understand what we are REALLY saying when we use these delicious phrases and appealing comments.
So, what do my kind really mean when we say “I love you and I always have”?
My need to seduce you is considerable and therefore I will use language which will appeal to you and be so outlandish that it will blow you away. I do not actually love you. I do not love in the way that you do. I understand that the closest I come to it is infatuation. I am not in fact infatuated with you but more precisely with what you can do for me. My needs are paramount. Yours are largely irrelevant. I write irrelevant because I do take them into account during the seduction but after that they are thrown to one side, but that is something different and not the purpose of explaining what I mean when I say the above phrase to you.
I say I love you and mean I am infatuated with you. I am infatuated with three things that you will give me through my successful seduction of you.
- Fuel, the most important item;
- Useful traits which I can apply to my construct and parade as my own achievement, characteristics and accomplishments to make me appear even more attractive to you and other people (and thus get more fuel); and
- Residual benefits such as a roof over my head or getting you to pay for things.
I want those three things. I want the fuel most of all but the other two matter as well. To get those things I need to seduce you. To seduce you I need to say things like this, grand statements which will amaze you and sweep you off your feet. Why will it have this effect? Well, because you are a love devotee. As an empathic individual one of your traits is that you are a love devotee. This means you belief very much in the concept of love, how love is wonderful, how love can conquer all, how love crosses any boundary and love is amazing, splendid and the best thing in the world. I know you are a love devotee because I have studied you before I approached you. With this knowledge I know that making a statement like the one above will resonate with you considerably for the following reasons: –
- As a believer in love you want to hear that someone loves you;
- You want this love to be grand, sweeping and extraordinary. By explaining that I have always been in love with you, I achieve this. It is a statement which conjures up images in your mind’s eye of me waiting for years before I picked my moment to tell you, of me sitting with my love burning away and how you have never noticed. It appeals to you to think in such terms. It is romantic and glorious.
- I will have plausibility on my side. I may know you already as we may be friends or colleagues. I may be a neighbour. I may be your therapist even. If I do not know you in detail, we may know each other by sight and the occasional hello from attending the same gym or such like. You may not know me but I will generate (fabricate) a back story that I have watched you from the coffee shop every day as you walk past (once I have established that you do so) and I have been in love with you. This plausibility overcomes any natural hesitance you may have. The immensity of the love factor in this statement will overcome any slight scepticism you may have, that having been eroded already by the plausibility.
Saying this statement is a direct shot at your heart and is part of the harpoon strike that we engage in when we are seducing a victim.
It is not true however. We have chased plenty of people before you. We may have only set eyes on your two days ago and we do not love in the manner that you do. Everything about this statement is false, it serves our purpose to seduce you and to do so quickly.
To learn and understand more about what the narcissist really means when he says certain things to you, read DECIPHER : WHAT THE NARCISSIST REALLY MEANS
24 thoughts on “I Love You (And I Always Have)”
My narcissist buys me a home and a vehicle then will not spend time with me….? So confused
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Hello Cristy, indeed you are and that is what he wants. He buys you things to make himself look good and to gain your appreciation, thus binding you to him and causing you to give him fuel. He then devalues you by not wanting to spend time with you, which is a contradictory action compared to his earlier generosity. This creates confusion which causes you to provide more fuel to him and prevents you from working out what is really going on because you will try harder to please him.
This is beautifully written and accurate HOWEVER…
I understand your job here is to inform us of your kind BUT do you think that your kind doesn’t deserve love? Because your kind is not built like our kind…with the ability to genuinely love?
I am just put besides myself here. I know everything you are saying, I have been there and done that but I do NOT understand why you think that each of you do not deserve to be loved by someone… it is what you lacked and what turned you at a young age to what you are. It is not fair on your behalf, it was not your choice to be born to the parents you were provided.
If my daughter ends up a full blown narcissist am I to stop loving her because her father is the reason? I don’t think so.
“As a believer in love you want to hear that someone loves you;”
This is an inaccurate statement… At least not for me. I don’t care who tells me they love me or not, I don’t need to hear it. Everyone loves me as far as I am concerned, my dog also loves me… The world can love me and it won’t matter. I want to FEEL loved… A kiss before work, brushing your hand against my back as I cook, a glance over at me with the thought of passion in your look. Little gestures. Tell me love me and you get an okay. I work on actions, not words. I expect nothing and am absolutely surprised and smitten when I receive something, much like a child on Christmas morning. It makes you appreciate the little things so much more.
I am not the exception, I have just learned to be completely happy and contempt with myself. Expect nothing, I create my happiness and anything extra is just icing on the cake!
The cheating question by Love is exactly the response DN had and a page out if my life after it happened. He kept me as his PS for two more years just to get the revenge, power and FUEL (and I gave PLENTY) until he secured someone else. Even then it was not over….and still isnt😕
From one of my favorites movies. Moulin Rouge
Ha ha, a great choice FTW from a marvellous film.
Remember, outside it may be raining but in here it’s entertaining.
Hi hg i want to know if its possible to have a few narcissistic traits and not have full blown npd?? In reading your books I’ve noticed that my past behaviours have been narcissistic. Looking back i feel remorse now.
Hello Lizz, everybody has narcissistic traits. Empaths have few of them and mild in nature and much stronger empathic traits. Normals have a little empathy and a little narcissism. Move to the right on the spectrum of the normals and you have people with less empathy, stronger narcissistic traits but not quite NPD. Beyond that, to the right, one moves into NPD territory with the Lesser, the Mid range and then the Greater.
Thank you hg. I look foward to reading more of your books and daily posts. Keep up the brilliant work!!
Thank you Lizz and thank you for reading.
A little like the greats such as Gandhi is far left and well received for his works.
Revolting to have men smelling the crown of ones head, the head of empaths. They cannot earn nor get what we have. Not just male narcopaths, along come those with the spirit of enchantment that are women befriending empaths and again very opportunistic and clingy. Strange behaviour and cannot bear being copied, mimicked and they do it so openly, where is there sense of self, where is their self dignity. We are unique beings, why must your kind become predictable clones of one and other. Extraordinary and weird, perplexing disease, disorder that you people have, honestly very odd because you are many, but you are all use the same techniques and chess games with the pieces but you are not unique, because you copy each other and it is not original works.
Indeed. If a method is effective, why change it? Further testament to the fact that many,many (though not all) people are not aware and do not learn.
You are absolutely correct HG. Twisted perception of love as a farm where your kind pluck a lettuce! After they attempt to peel back the leaves from the lettuce and get to the core, it exposes a part that is unpleasant. Likened to arsenic bitter and horrible because by time the leaves are taken your kind show your real selves and it is not very pleasant to have been taken advantage of in any way by opportunists, especially when one attempts to dump them off ten days into it when one can clearly see the double mindedness and a highly sadistic approach to coerce targets but your whirlwind expression had a special meaning for me. In saying that, what I find infuriating is that your kind are desperately putting the signs up and they are as neon lighting to me. My issue is how the hell do you get rid of them humanely when early into it. You people cannot be offended, although you will act offended and sensitive to being analysed very quickly and abruptly and don’t fool people the way that you say because not everyone is naïve and can still be empaths targeted, yes. Yes, I understand that they have heaps of boundaries and do not apply that same discipline to others to lay off and are very encroaching and intrusive.
I recall sitting at a restaurant with a narcopath (not sure where they fit tightly into any of the categories as they are bits and pieces of them all so will use the term narcopath to express them from herein. I recall like it was just today, sitting at the table outside for diners wishing to look at the ocean and there was a perfect stillness, not a whisper of a breeze. Our table had a large umbrella and the moment I said to him, the precise moment I stated, “I feel like I am in a whirlwind,” he witnessed something extraordinary. No I did not fly off but a mini tornado of leaves and wind came from nowhere and all of the table cloths (white) were picked up by the wind and the umbrella’s were shaking in their little sand filled stands trying to remain upright, The boulevard path was alight with restaurant staff right down the path trying to steady their equipment from the whirlwind! Truth, and it is this and thousands of peculiar happenings, that I feel that the narcopaths get perplexed by instead of realising that there is a strong spiritual influence at play and they really ought to take heed in that. Be it on their heads, there are larger influences at work.
Have you ever kept someone around for sex? Purely sex and nothing else . In other words have you ever had people you kept around strictly for booty calls and not wanted to make them a primary IP?
Yes, that is the nature of the IP Secondary Source.
What would you do if your girlfriend or main IP cheated on you and you found out ? You would be faced with a betrayel and losing fuel if you chose to discard of her on the other I think that maybe you would “forgive” them and stay with them just to keep the fuel .
Girlfriend? Cheat? On me? Don’t be daft Starr, why would they ever do that given (1) their empathic traits and (2) devotion to me?
However, I shall roll with your question and if one did that and I was aware then it would be a criticism of me, I would be wounded and I would need to obtain fuel to heal the wound.
I may draw that fuel from elsewhere and keep my powder dry so to speak with the primary source, so she does not know that I know.
I may not be able to control the fury and therefore I would lash out at her, drawing negative fuel, but I would not discard her because it may be the case that a new replacement primary source has not been found or embedded yet.
Thus, I may keep my knowledge under the radar, seek fuel elsewhere, secure a new primary source as I commence a horrible devaluation against her by way of revenge with a cruel and callous discard.
Alternatively, I will erupt, draw fuel to heal the wound and make her life a living hell because of what she has done, thus drawing huge amounts of negative fuel as I secure a new primary source.
Whichever route, as you identify, she would no be immediately be discarded because of my fuel requirements.
So it’s ok for you to cheat on them and wound them but if the tables are turned how dare they ? Narcissists are kings of the double standards and contradiction .
Starr, I’ve never cheated. It would cause me great physical pain to do so. Even after the ending of the relationship, the first time I’m intimate with someone else results in tears and heartache.
Have I been cheated on? Lol left and right… And with nice gifts of evidence left behind to ensure I know so I’m punished and tortured further.
Well said hg!! You are so straightforward in your articles and make understanding narcissism easier than most of what I have read before i discovered your books. Thank you for your brilliant and valuable insight!!
Thank you Liz.