The Narcissistic Truths – No.45

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16 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No.45”

  1. Let him be the winner, if that’s what you really think he is, but remember, he’s only a winner at his own sick game. It’s time for you to be the WINNER in your world and in your life!!! Be the WINNER who takes back control of your own peace and happiness. Be strong, She, be brave!!! You have to know deep down inside that you have it in you!

  2. “You expect less, I get away with more” boy he won on that one. For the past four year’s he has “taught” me to expect less. This way he doesn’t have to come off any money or come off anything else, not like he ever wanted to anyway. It was always too much of a chore. The past four years I have had to expect for him not to buy me anything for Mothers Day, Valentines Day, my Birthday or any day that required me being appreciated for something. I guess I had to learn to appreciate myself. So I thank him for that. Thank you asshole. I’ve bought myself Valentine chocolate strawberries, Mothers Day chocolate strawberries, but for my birthday I sat at home in my bed sad and miserable while he conveniently disappered or drove down to his folks who lived over an hour away. Like you said, I had to learn NOT to expect anything so I wouldnt be upset when he didn’t appreciate me. I’m lying. I still did. I still wanted to be loved, validated and appreciated for everything I gave up for this marriage.

    1. Hello She and indeed your experiences are entirely consistent with the way we treat our victims, undermining your special days because they are not about us. This steady manipulation of you to make you expect less results in your ability to cope being eroded and your self-esteem is whittled away, all for the purposes of fuel and control.

  3. this is so true. . we are being conditioned to expect less and less… while in the meantime we are breaking boundaries of our morality and give more and more until we are nothing but a broken human shell… It doesn’t need to be like that… there are always different solutions and ways…

  4. Thank so much hg. I read the cheers article which is very insightful
    You are an amazing writer!! I look forward to your vice book.

  5. Very true. Tonight’s predicament: He makes my life hell every night through text message, threatening to cheat, how exhausted he is from work, excuses for verbal threats. This way I simply cut the conversation short and allow him to spend his evening as he pleases with no accountability or necessary contact. I’m 37 weeks pregnant and simply requested he keep his phone near in case if the time would come. Completely not in his framework. I requested entirely too much by asking this, as he spewed out every derogatory name in the book and gave reasoning as to why he deserves to get plastered after a long day with the boys. Expect him not to be there if I go into labor, and he’s completely off the hook and able to mingle and find new sources of fuel.

    1. oh my, that is awful, Emily. You are in a vulnerable situation at the moment, and it is not uncommon for abusive behaviour to get worse under such circumstances. Some even go so far as to physically attack women during or after giving birth. It may be a blessing if he was not present when you go into labour…

    2. Emily, trust me when I tell you, when you lay eyes on your precious baby you won’t want him 100 feet near that baby. The experience will be way more joyful for you keeping that toxicity away from you. Find a different support person. Let the nursing staff be there for you. Fill that delivery room with love. You will feel empowered!

      1. Emily, I hope you don’t mind me offering my opinion, and if you do, I apologize up front. But when I read that you were pregnant, your story touched me and I just felt moved to tell you, I was in your exact same position 33 years ago. I wish I could say that the minute you lay your eyes on your child that you won’t want the father around. If this is your first child, it won’t be quite that easy. Everyone will be happy and joyful to have the new baby there, but not long after, the abuse will begin again, and it can definitely get worse. It wasn’t until I had put my first child through hell (with me) for the first 5 years, and my second child was born (he would have been a twin; however, I lost that child due to the physical abuse and stress I was under), before I started realizing what I was doing to them. I was 17 when I met the ex-Lesser Narc and finally escaped him at 23 years of age. Emily, I know it’s not always easy (for various reasons) to take kids out of a parent’s life. However, luckily for me, mine was on Heroin and he was more in love with it than his kids. My point is, if there’s any chance that you and your baby can get away from him, TAKE IT!!! I see my ex’s four kids, from the girl he got pregnant (not once, but twice while we were together), on Facebook, and they have all been incarcerated throughout their lives (just like their dear old dad) and/or on drugs. Their mother has been in and out of jail and on drugs all of their lives and if I can help save you and your baby by sharing my story, then it was worth telling the little that I did. Emily, I know you’ll do the right thing for both you and your baby. I just hope you do it sooner rather than later, especially if you’re life is hell now.

        Best Wishes 🙂

      2. Thank you for your words of encouragement. I am disgusted that I honestly believed this man genuinely wanted to create a life with me beyond our own. Knowing now that the primary reason for this was basically to use our child as a pawn. He has made comments that he will do whatever he has to to take her from me. As well as having full control over the way she’s raised, making assumptions that she will have parental preference. I now know, thanks to this website that she is another source of fuel (for the future) –she will be used to take out loans for him, used as an option for housing, a caretaker when nobody wants to deal with his behaviors, all around just a pawn. It makes me ill just thinking about the scenarios he will put her through if I try to coparent. As of right now he has two primary sources of fuel, his mother (who’s aging and needs care taking herself) & me. I’m guessing he’s feeling threatened by this change in dynamic, mom is no longer able to bail him out of jail, cosign on loans, or provide provisions.

  6. Hi hg i would like to know when your new book about vice and narcissism is coming out. Im curious to know why victim types of narcissists are alcoholics and drug addicts who wont help themselves stay sober. Any insight hg would be greatly appreciated.

    1. Hi Lizz, it is a work in progress and will be available next year. Your queries re the victim narcissists will be dealt with. In the meanwhile if you want to know more about the role of alcohol with narcissists then read the article Cheers.

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