What Do You Need To Know?

what-do-you-need-to-know_

Naturally everything has to be about me but in order to reinforce the fact that I am such a generous and magnanimous chap, I do like to let you join in as well. I still have much to share with you about the manipulations and machinations of my brethren and I. There is plenty to tell you about my ongoing interaction with the good doctors, the origins of what I am and the conflict that is to come with MatriNarc. The articles that await publication and which wait to be written are burgeoning. Nevertheless, if there is any particular aspect of the narcissistic dynamic that you would like me to expand on I would be grateful to receive your suggestions. Have I touched on something you would welcome some expansion on? Is there an unfulfilled part of your questioning mind that keeps gnawing away? Is something still not making sense to you and you want to know more? Perhaps there are further revelations you have unearthed about your own experiences and you would like my observations? Maybe you want to hear more of a particular type of behaviour? Whatever it is do let me know and I will give careful consideration to writing about the topic for you. I look forward to your suggestions.

Thank you

HG

317 thoughts on “What Do You Need To Know?

  1. DFA says:

    HG you have ties to this surname?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No, but my family have links to another family which was eminent during Henry VIII’s reign.

      1. Love says:

        Ivan the Terrible’s?

  2. DFA says:

    To which I look forward to reading, I am sure it will be insightful as all your work is.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you DFA

  3. MLA - Clarece says:

    Oh, here’s another one for you…

    You’ve recently spoken in your interview that your current IP is in the devaluation phase. Do you ever speak to the doctors about the actual dynamics happening here where they may be able to help you curtail this time from being so hurtful? (to both sides, obviously you’re feeling wounded, hence why this started happening).
    With the growth and increasing awareness you have gained doing this blog, both about yourself and hearing the reactions and stories from your readers and also factoring the increasing time you have to devote to your blog, book writings, therapy, and interviews, do you think the loss of time to devote to an IP contributed to the relationship going into the devalue phase? I have always personally thought that the ‘HG Tudor” existence has become such an integral and monumental part of your daily life. Seven days a week, even when travelling or working or Futbol, you devote time to this that you have kept secret from her (allegedly). That is HUGE. Another person will at some point feel an invisible line keeping them separated from you. And we all know that allows you to keep true intimacy at bay.
    I imagine you would get restless at some point wanting to explore a different dynamic where you didn’t have to keep so many “secrets”. I’m not talking about exposing the Creature, but letting a person have a chance to truly accept the whole package that is HG Tudor here with Man of Mystery in England. Plus lots of fuel to be gained to let the chips fall where they may, positive or negative.

    Thoughts HG?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes it is discussed.
      No, it is not about the loss of time, although I can see why you would consider that as a factor. The problem is the inadequacy of the primary source fuel provision. It might be I suppose that she fails because she is responding to not having as much time together.
      You make a valid point about the invisible line but that is in place anyway irrespective of the blog et al. I put such a line in place with all devaluations.

      1. MLA - Clarece says:

        The invisible line is already in place at time of targeting. Who are you kidding? That doesn’t happen at time of devaluation.
        The fuel provision would intensify as you enter into exploring intimacy and shedding your secretive layers. There’s new horizons for you to explore my friend!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It is there, the sudden barrier between the IPPS and I as we enter the Stranger Zone.

          1. MLA - Clarece says:

            Oh Jesus, more like Stranger Danger with you!

  4. Chilliy says:

    HG. I need more about silent treatment and why. My narc punish med with silent treatment for weeks. One time a whole month’s. He answer my messeges when he feels like it. And often he only read them. When he replay he Is very short. He drives me insane….

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Chilliy, thank you and I have made a note.

  5. Dawn says:

    I want to know why my ex never hoovered ever…..?
    I always “patched us up” wether he left me or I left him.
    This went on for the entire 17yrs HG.

    P.s I’m desperately waiting for your reply on “Bitter”. I keep checking. 😬

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Dawn,

      1. He may have hoovered you but you did not realise. They come in many forms; or
      2. If he really did it not it was because he had no need to because he deployed Reverse Hoovers which meant that you did the spadework.

  6. Lou says:

    HG, I would also like to know if you chose your pseudonym because you relate tto Henry the Eighth. Big big narc. I known it is not a very serious question but I am curious.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      In part you are correct Lou. The surname is chosen because of the House of Tudor.

  7. Darkness Falls Again says:

    Yes I can see this yet the empath uses their traits in a very different way, your opinion HG?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It will be forthcoming in an article DFA

  8. NarcAngel says:

    Who do you admire and why? (do I really have to say other than yourself?) Or is that not something you are willing to acknowledge or are able to consider?

    Have you kept something that you valued in childhood hidden away? Piece of clothing, book, or toy for instance that only you know the meaning behind.

    Do you tip people who provide services for you or do you always find fault ( real or imagined) that prevents that as principle?. Im getting at the fact that you expect much to begin with so do you tip just because its expected behaviour and not that the person has put in extra effort. Can you actually feel appreciation? (I would think it hell to be in a secret Santa with you lol).

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I admire certain individuals if doing so provides a benefit for me.

      Yes.

      I will either tip generously (thus positive fuel from recipient and comments from onlookers) or not at all and pick a ‘fight’ for the negative fuel. It depends on what the situation demands.

      Good questions NA and your comment about the Secret Santa made me laugh.

  9. Rita Vines says:

    I have just recently discovered this. Currently I am trying to get rid of him. He refuses to leave, knowing my weaknesses he plays on them. I’ve known what he was only this go around. I was preconditioned by a narcissistic mother. A true nightmare. I can’t download the books and I seem to be missing out on so much. It helps me to research and study psycology. Your insight is, sadly unique. Horrific and helpful, I am disgusted and intrigued by this information. My question is, how do I shut him down? I don’t argue or show out, I simply cry. We have a 7 yr old son that adores him. This being my biggest weakness. Will you advise?

    On Tue, Nov 29, 2016, 8:05 PM Knowing the Narcissist wrote:

    > HG Tudor posted: ” Naturally everything has to be about me but in order to > reinforce the fact that I am such a generous and magnanimous chap, I do > like to let you join in as well. I still have much to share with you about > the manipulations and machinations of my brethren a” >

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Rita, how are you unable to download the books? If you do not have a kindle, you can download the free Kindle app so you can read the books on any electronic device. In terms of your own situation you need to evaluate whether ultimately you will be better served by getting out if you cannot cause him to leave and I would certainly recommend to you my book ‘Getting Out!’ if you are able to download it. if you are not able to leave or cause him to go, you will need to find a way of countering his manipulations (Escape assists with that) and the fact you keep crying is providing him with negative fuel so he will keep doing what he is doing.

  10. Lou says:

    Thanks HG. I am happy to learn you are writing about the creature. Look forward to reading the book.
    What or who is MatriNarc?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      My narcissist mother, hence the name.

  11. MLA - Clarece says:

    Wasup Tude!! (lol)

    I recall a couple of weeks ago when you began writing about the different types of Empaths you have come across, you said there are actually categories on Co-Dependents as well. Are you still going to write about them and how they differ and what you like about them?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Careful Clarece or I might be Rude Tude! Yes I will do.

      1. MLA - Clarece says:

        No need to be a harsh dude, Tude!!

        Thank you HG!

  12. DFA says:

    Thanks HG, for a moment I thought I misunderstood. Only the Greater.

  13. DFA says:

    HG that is interesting, yet an empath can only have traits yet not be narcissistic, right?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You can have narcissistic traits as an empath and certain empaths bring them more to the fore than others, but you cannot be a narcissist.

  14. she says:

    Thank God, you asked. Ok, I have run into a narcissistic woman before and she just would not shut the heck up about herself.

    BUT my narc will not speak AT ALL. I would even go as far as saying that this is MORE than just a silent treatment HG.

    He hates to be asked questions. Even when I first met him 17 years ago. He was like a damn mute. Whenever I’d ask him one, he’d actually get angry at me. Even over the simplest personal questions about himself. Like, did you have a girlfriend in high school or even if he had friends. He’d get angry. One year on our anniversary I simply asked what it was about me that made him fall in love and he screamed at me asking why did I have to ask that for! After which I kinda stopped asking him anything personal at all. I had to piece stuff together myself.

    I told him everything about myself. Well, almost everything. I stopped telling him anything when I began resenting him for not asking me anything. It was like I was volunteering information which he didn’t care to ask. So to this day this man really knows NOTHING about me because he won’t speak to me. I’m not kidding. He’s closed off. I don’t know if he’s intimidated by me, whether he feels threatened by my intelligence because we really have nothing in common. He doesn’t boast about himself, but he loves being condescending and making me feel stupid in an odd way.
    He will speak to and boast to everyone else BUT me. Hmmm…what do you think HG??? Like I said, I don’t think he likes me at all and never has. I told him back in 1997, when I tried to break up with him, I said that this relationship wasn’t going to work out if he wasn’t going to speak, talk or communicated. I told him that communication was VERY important to me and as I tried to leave he burst out into tears!! I’m a sucker for crocodile tears!

    1. Chilliy says:

      Hi She..Just want to say that my ex narc Is the same..He hate to talk but that’s just with me..He was most happy when I was silent..I myself think he Is afraid..Not as quick In his mind as I and I’m sure he noticed I was on to him. In some way…

  15. Dee says:

    After reading almost daily your articles & books (for the past 5 months), I became paranoid. All I can notice is red flags & signs of narcs…. Although I thought of myself a Super Empath, many times I have narc traits too…. My past is full of narcs and I still choose them, even though I am aware… It is complicated… I wish there was a comparison between healthy and distorted narcs behavior, as HG explained in a reply above, because I don’t think I have ever experienced a healthy relationship. Thank you HG for making me aware at least!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome Dee. Keep an eye out for the article about the manifestation of narcissistic traits in the empath, it will be of interest to you

      1. Insatiable Learner says:

        Hello, HG, and thank you for this fantastic opportunity to ask you questions. I was wondering how come your kind are not concerned that their reliable and generous sources of fuel (in particular intimate partner secondary sources) could wander off and move on when you put them on ice while you are pre-occupied with your new primary source? I mean even brief regular ongoing communication would ensure their hanging on. I also read somewhere that narcs’ sense of time is skewed whereby they do not notice time passing but instead for them, it’s like time stands still, which explains why they can pop back up as if no time had passed. Would appreciate your insight. Thank you!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Hello IL, you have identified the answer. We believe time to stand still with regard to these people because of course everything revolves around us and our arrogance and sense of superiority means we cannot countenance that someone would want to move on and not bother with us.

  16. NarcAngel says:

    I’m sure its all covered somewhere but I’ll throw these out there.

    1. Creature

    2. What happens if Matrinarc denies you your plan by dying before you can execute it. (That WOULD just be like a Narc to piss up your plans now wouldn’t it?)

    3. A snapshot of your day. I know fuel is always top of list but you have in addition to this blog and your books, radio interviews, therapy, a place of employ, women to deal with, brilliance to display, finances and a home to attend to ( yes I know you probably have help there but then THOSE people need management, soccer……(giggle)…er I mean football, dinner parties, sleep, i assume you must exercise or workout, porn to watch (you know-just for research, to brush up on latest techniques), and the list goes on. That is some impressive display of time management skills right there that we could all avail ourselves of and would allow you to dazzle us with your machine efficiency. I know there are more, but currently I am trying to juggle keying this on ipad, drinking hot chocolate, attend to a pile of paperwork, and the dog needs let out so Ill throw some more out there when they come to me. Thanks “Tude”.

    (Special shout out to Indy for that hilarious handle).

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello NA,

      1. In hand through the book of the same name;
      2. Excellent suggestion and I shall write an article about it because as you might expect (and indeed you ought to have realised) I have a plan for that eventuality; and
      3. Look out for the book ’24 Hours In The Mind of a Narcissistic Socoipath” because that will answer everything you need to know.

      I am starting a channel called YourTude by the way.

      1. NarcAngel says:

        Thank you and I shall be one of the first to subscribe.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Marvellous.

      2. Indy says:

        YourTude, Nice!!! LOL

        I love your questions, NA! Especially the request for the schedule. I am looking forward to the 24 hours in the life of a Narcissistic Sociopath.

        Gee, I am waiting on so many books. I think I will hold my questions to not prolong the wait….practicing patience.

  17. Ollie says:

    Here’s another one… why is it never ever enough? My narc ex husband of 17 years always wanted more; more cars, more sunglasses, more shoes (really he was way worse than me), more money and obviously more women, more attention, more sex… I know you’ll say fuel, but isn’t enough ever enough, material items or not?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Ollie, as you anticipated the answer is fuel. There is always more to gain and one way of doing so is to have more of all the items you list in your post.

  18. ANarcsNightmare says:

    Please Explain the mystery behind their lives. It seems the mid range doesn’t like to divulge much. Is it because they don’t have much going on?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      ANN, that will be driven by the sense of paranoia.

  19. Loren says:

    HG, can you tell me what kind of woman could give you a run for your money? Please describe her in full detail. Is she submissive or is she a warrior woman?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Loren, interesting question, I have yet to find anybody who has been able to do so.

  20. Mela says:

    Do narcissists enjoy being dependent on fuel? Do they understand the lack of freedom in that position? Do they realize that they are the appliance & just treating us like they treat themselves? Am I accurate in the way I’m seeing in your experience? Thank you for your generosity.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Mela, I resent the dependency not so much on the fuel itself but those I must extract it from. I hate having that reliance on them. Most narcissists would not realise that they are the appliance, no.

      1. So you really do not like any people who have been with you?

        I think you are also referring to projection of machine in “appliance” there?

        Sometimes a narcissist I’ve been with doesn’t realise when he too has not been seen in the ways he believes and this makes him “used” I suppose but they don’t seem to care.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Hello AVS, I like their fuel.

  21. Love says:

    Thank you for doing this Mr. Tudor. Very generous of you. I’m curious as to why you didn’t charm/hypnotize/manipulate your good doctors early on so you could be free of treatment quickly. I’m grateful you haven’t and instead created this blog and wrote books. Do you think you can fool them even now into believing you are completely ‘fixed’.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Love, I know from prior reading (always pays to be prepared) that this would be a long process and if I did that (even if the good doctors were minded to give me a sign off so quickly) it would appear suspicious. I also needed time for the preparation of my own plans concerning MatriNarc. It therefore has suited me to go along with the treatment and in the process allow me to learn even more about how effective I can be.

      1. Love says:

        Thank you 😀 I appreciate you answering all the questions today. All in one fell swoop.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are most welcome.

  22. Starr says:

    I want to know everything about the Creature .

    1. HG Tudor says:

      And you shall dear Starr in the book of the same name.

  23. divined1va says:

    If my narc ex husband is gay like I believe, why the relentless pursuit of another woman (now his gf who he moved to another country and lives with)? I now have evidence there were other women also during our marriage and 1 man that I know of, but why do you think he risked/discarded his picture perfect life with wife and kids for another?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Fuel.
      Sexuality is of course a blended spectrum and if the fuel demands it a narcissist will be straight, gay and/or bisexual dependent on the circumstances in order to ensure they obtain their fuel using sex which is a prime weapon for doing so.
      He risked the perfect life (in your eyes but it was only for a time in his eyes) because of his need for fuel.

      1. bloody_elemental says:

        Excellent point HG and one that is often overlooked with our kind.

        We are largely sexually ambiguous and can be any sexuality under the sun if and when it suits us. Since we have no shame, no boundaries and no give a damn for taboos or morals, we are well known for being quite sexually adventurous, even though sometimes it is for pure shock value or to make others feel uncomfortable/humiliated.

        Bloody fascinating.

  24. Mela says:

    I do have one last thing that needs to be put to rest for me & then I need to let go & move on. Shut the door in my mind! I think I already know the answer but don’t like that answer & am willing to accept it. And I’m not asking for you to lie to me – lol – coupled with anxiety.
    So here it is. Do you, personally & then your kind, want to change? Is there any part of you that wants to be a man of character, faithful, protective, integral & willing to do the hard work of being a strong, humble man of God or any even idea of a Higher Power that is good, for you & others & knows more as the Creator & us humans being the created. A Higher Power that loves both tenderly & ferociously?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I see no reason to change at present, but if there is a persuasive case presented to me and I perceive no risk in doing so, then I will consider it most carefully.
      I am already a man of character. I am not faithful in the way you would think but I am faithful to my cause. I protect my interests.

  25. DFA says:

    So only the elite have the awarness as to what they are?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No, only the Greater do.

  26. Super Empath Fool says:

    Hello HG! I have several questions, but at this point I would like to ask you whether narcissists are misogynists and if yes – why? I’ve met only once the mother of the man I was entangled with and she seemed like a nice lady, almost a bit frightened in the presence of her own son. My point is, I doubt she is a narc, so in that respect I don’t see a reason for him to hate and despise women. But I believe he does. His parents got divorced when he was ten, his father left his mother for another woman and formed a new family. His mother never remarried, but she had partners, she was young, so I think this somehow left some scars on him, on top of the divorce of his parents. He would tell me “I never got along well with my mother, she is so difficult”. When he was telling me about his first sexual experience, he told me – “I’ve fuc…on July 5th, year.. for the first time”. He did not say “I made love” or “I had first sexual experience”. Also, he told me that the second-best love of his life (I was the best :0)) was promiscuous. I remember feeling uncomfortable, even degraded, when he told me “Oh, you are so cute, like honey, I would so fu.. you”. I’ve brushed aside that feeling and convinced myself that’s just the way this super alpha male expresses his sexuality, his passion towards me. One time when he got mad at me, he said “you women are bitches, that’s why God has punished you to bleed each month”.?!? What would be the cause, the origin of this misogyny?

  27. Thinking and Thank-you.

  28. Lizz sieling says:

    Thank you hg. Much appreciated.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

  29. Sisha says:

    Dear Hg,
    should we post our question(s) here or in a private mail to your email address?
    I just read your book about sex and the narcissist and I have one more question about sex. I understand that the narcissist loves to humilate the other part during sex. I also understand that he enjoys his own performance and being served. That seems to me understandable: the woman is just providing some professional service.
    But how can he pleasure some woman, who he is not attracted to? I also understand that it is about power and fuel. But I do not understand the role of attraction in it. What if he finds the woman not sexual attractive? Can he touch her anyway?
    I guess I have some narcisstic traits in my behaviour. But I find rarely some person, who I really love to touch – mostly I could not even stand the idea of touching someone who I find repulsive. And repulsive can be a bad smell, smelly feet, love handles, longer fingernails, bad breath – so many repulsive people out there…. how come that the narcissist can be with them anyway?

  30. Lizz sieling says:

    Hi hg do all elite or greater narcissists know that they have narcissistic traits??

    1. HG Tudor says:

      All Greater do. The Elite is a hybrid of cerebral and somatic so you can have a Mid Range Elite but he or she will not know what they are.

  31. Clary M says:

    In the other hand I’m really glad to see you even though we know each other little I truly miss you and others merry xmas😘🤗kisses and hugs god bless you

  32. Clary M says:

    Hello tudor longtime no see I miss this place and some of my friends, recently my ex contacted me and I had to apply full no contact and threatening him with the police which already know what happened, I’m very tired and I have a new dog which is work done and tiresome, I have been busy with my new roles of mom her name is spark she’s a beautiful unneeded dog and she’s the new light of my eyes besides my previous dog which I still have , plus, my question right now which I really really rally need is will tu please expand on the subject of addiction I’m in a frat need of that abd I would definitely love seeing those subjects to cut by root, you see he used the knife to hurt me further due to jealousy because I saw his wedding to make closure and he put on Facebook pictures of them after thanksgiving with the same matching clothes he put when he was with me at this time I feel totally replaced but it’s too obvious he’s doing it so spite me and to hurt me, he’s sicker nyhanbi thought abd I want to delete him off for the rest of my life, I do haven’t been able to follow the blog due to my new maternal duties she keeps me busy 24,7 AND I LOVE IT ITS A GIFT FROM GOD ABD IM TITALLY IN LOVE. I do have some news about my new beloved but I rather talk in private thank you for your constant support and protection, couldn’t be done it without you you truly are our fairy godmother abd our personal trainer when it comes to the narcs thank you man candies for you with love, clary-Clara M

  33. Brazilians says:

    I cannot get enough of you and your articles, HG; they have saved me. I’d like to know if you could explain how to tell a narcissist from just a terrible jerk of a boyfriend? I believe all the signs are there in my case, but don’t know if there is something in particular that is the determining factor. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts. x

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Brazlilans. Thank you for reading and for your kind words. Generally speaking if somebody engages in occasional behaviour which upsets you but they are willing to discuss it and try to sort out disagreements, this in isolation is just the rub of two people who are independent people who once in a while will have disagreements but they will sort them out. A healthy relationship. Since people are individuals there will always be times where there is a difference of opinion, hurt caused by being distracted by work, friends etc.
      With our kind you will see patterns of behaviour which accord generally (subject to what kind of relationship you have – primary source, secondary source etc) with a particular narcissistic dynamic. Thus everything was brilliant, then it turns sour, you cannot understand what is going on, there are a range of abusive behaviours and in particulat they accord with ones which narcissist’s regularly use, then it is far more likely that you are engaging with a narcissist. It is the pattern, the types and the frequency which are the things to look for which are the manifestations of the criteria which are set out in the DSM for NPD. The problem people have is they may read the criteria and think that they don’t apply but the crtieria manifest in different ways which you need to understand. I would suggest you read Manipulated, Devil’s Toolkit, Red Flag and Black Flag which will set out plenty which is you recognise then you are dealing with a narcissist and if you need to discuss it further just ask and if in detail (i.e. you want to discuss what he does and says) consider a private consultation.

      1. Brazilians says:

        What a perfect explanation! I had my suspicions and now can confirm the man in question is in fact a narcissist. Three years on, I’m still confused as to what is happening and what where it went wrong. I will absolutely download those books as per your suggestion and will consider a private consultation with you, as you have truly saved my life. Do you suggest I read them in that order? Can you let me know how a pRivage consult would work? Many thanks, HG. x

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are welcome Brazilians. The private consultation is booked as per the instruction in the drop down menu on the blog front page and would be undertaken by Skype or telephone, governed by the terms of a common sense protocol. Yes, do read the books in the order suggested.

    2. Clary m says:

      Me either and me too

  34. Uday Kiran says:

    Hi HG, I am from India. I have been following your articles for quite some time now and I have found it very useful for my understanding of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) as well as Narcissistic Abuse. Thank you for that. Let me tell you about my background before asking you my questions. I am one of two sons and my dad has got NPD (of the greater school as you would put it) and my mom is an Inverted Narcissist. My elder bro is the Golden Child (now turned into a Mid Range Narc). I went No Contact with my family of origin 2 years back and I am recovering from Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome, Codependency, Complex-PTSD, Narcissistic Fleas, Brain Fog etc. About 5 years back (when I was in Low Contact) my dad’s health suddenly became worse. He lost a lot of weight and started having epileptic fits. At that time he had become more abusive towards me and my 5 year old son. He tried to gaslight me, frustrate me and triangulated between me and my son (which finally compelled me to go No Contact). He is currently on medication for epilepsy but doctors can’t explain his sudden and drastic loss of weight. Earlier he had enjoyed good physical health (no diabetes, blood pressure or any other lifestyle diseases). My questions are as follows…

    1. I was wondering about the effect of NPD on the physical health of the narc. Agreed that personality disorder has to do with the mind than the body but there is a mind-body connection right? When there is a mental health issue it could have an adverse effect on the physical health too, right? I don’t find anyone talking about this at all. I have a feeling that my dad’s drastic weight loss & epilepsy has something to do with NPD. Have you heard of any case where NPD was co-morbid with epilepsy or any other physical ailment. Or am I wrong in making this assumption? Do personality disorders only affect the behaviour of a person or does it manifest itself in some psychosomatic illnesses too? Can narcissistic injury or low levels of fuel lead to epileptic attacks? I have noticed it happening in my dad’s case on a few occasions. Immediately after going No Contact I visited some of my close relatives and told them about my decision and also the reason for it. Of course they hadn’t heard of NPD or N-Abuse but they understood the issue because I was able to give them some proof regarding the financial abuse that my dad had committed in my life. Later when my dad had gone to this relatives’s place to attend a wedding (and to smear me obviously) he was caught off guard by the relative’s questions and reactions. My dad’s smear campaign was totally unsuccessful and his lies regarding the financial abuse were exposed. That night he got an epileptic attack and couldn’t attend the wedding the next day. He was taken to the hospital instead. A similar incident occurred in another relative’s house last year too. According to the relative my mom had told her “whenever someone asks ‘disturbing’ questions about the younger son he gets an attack”. He usually gets an epileptic attack in the early morning in his sleep but I have noticed that something ‘disturbing’ (like a Narcissistic Injury) happens the previous day on some occasions. I can’t say this happens every time he has an attack because I was not present during all the occasions. I have personally seen it on one occasion and heard about it on two occasions from my relatives. Is my dad’s case an exception or has something similar been reported elsewhere too. Let me know your thoughts about it.

    2. My second question is about Inverted (or Covert) Narcissist like my mom. Have you written any article about them? Which school or cadre do they belong to? I had a hard time unmasking my mom for what she is. My dad’s abusive behaviour was quite overt though I didn’t know that it was NPD till 2 years ago. I assumed that he had chronic depression or mood disorder or something. But I believed (falsely) that my mom loved me for a long time. I realised her toxic behaviour only few years back. Now I know that she is hand in glove with my dad and I have realised how the dysfunctional narcissistic dynamic plays out in a family setting. It would be interesting if you could write an article about inverted narcs and how they complement the Greater Narc in a family dynamic.

    I very much enjoy reading your articles. Thanks for your time.

  35. 1jaded1 says:

    I already have a question in queue. I’m glad you are gracious enough to answer. Thank you.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you 1jaded, your politeness is noted and appreciated.

      1. 1jaded1 says:

        HG. You are welcome. You caught me on a good day.

  36. I want to learn about the creature

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I know you do dear GG, and you shall in the book The Creature.

  37. CB says:

    “Maybe you want to hear more of a particular type of behaviour?”

    Thank you! I would like to know about this revealing trait of taking a little little pause before answering any question (i read it in an article, about sociopaths). To be able to plan and control.
    About what goes through your minds when somebody asks you a question.

    As a typical empath i always talk and talk and ask and ask, before even thinking, and I understand that this does not give any power at all.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello CB and thank you for your request. I will factor this in to a future article which I shall combine with commenting about the micro expressions which Indy had raised.

      1. Indy says:

        🙂 Thank you

  38. Flighty One says:

    Why would he happily, no-questions-asked hand over the house and car after our break up? Why would he take all his debts with him (rightfully so!) and not demand that I pay any part of them? Why is he not plastering his new girl all over Facebook and in my face? (Mind you, he rarely did post anything on Facebook anyway) … In other words, why is he being decent, and not vindictive? … He is an upper mid-range somatic. He fits the brief in just about every other way, but there has been no real vindication following the discard/escape. TIA.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Flighty One,

      Did he discard you or was it an escape and when did it take place?

      1. Flighty One says:

        Hi HG, gosh, thank you for responding! I didn’t expect you to, actually, so thanks.

        The discard/escape is complicated… I’ll try to summarise: I believe he had discarded me while he was away interstate for work. I can’t work out if it was a silent treatment or a ghosting, but in any case, he cheated on me while he was there. When he returned (following me crying on the phone when he called to speak to the kids, and saying I was now ready to work on our marriage), there was a time of us “working on the marriage”, about 2 months – I now know that to be false on his part, and am pretty sure he was preparing to leave me. Anyway, I found out about the cheating one morning, and immediately ended the marriage the same day. All he said was; “Well, we better sort out assets and custody stuff”… no apology (no surprises there), no rage… perhaps a little shock and possibly fear in his eyes – most unusual – that I found out. This occurred 13 months ago, and I have recently served him the divorce papers, which he signed without an issue.

        Thank you again.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are welcome Flighty One. It often takes time for me to work my way through the many messages I receive and I ensure I read them all and provide due consideration to them.
          Thank you for expanding. You were about to be discarded hence when you ended the marriage the same day and he did not especially react to you doing so, is indicative that you were about to be discarded. If that was not the case, he would have fought to draw you back from escaping, by deploying an initial grand hoover. He is evidently embedded with the new primary source and that is why he signed the divorce papers without issue.

    2. Just wait and when he baits you (positive or negative….run, ignore, block) if you can.

  39. HG,
    You made me fall into your trap, I was like aaawww sweet HG, I like him. He has invited us to ask him because he really does care. Welcome to fantasy island! You know I wish you were my bff.
    Seriously…….

    Contemporary researchers often differentiate between two types of empathy: “Affective empathy” refers to the sensations and feelings we get in response to others’ emotions; this can include mirroring what that person is feeling, or just feeling stressed when we detect another’s fear or anxiety. “Cognitive empathy,” sometimes called “perspective taking,” refers to our ability to identify and understand other peoples’ emotions.

    Based on your experience as a narcissist, do you think that you may posess affective Empathy only? You have written a great deal about mirroring or mimicking others. That is mentioned as falling under affective Empathy. You say that narcissists are able to receive fuel (or as stated above “the sensation we get in response to others emotions”) upon high level emotional exchanges be it negative or positive. How do you know that if I am positive then I get positive fuel and if I am negative I get negative fuel? You must be able to identify the emotional state the other person is in, thus having a positive/positive feeling which would fall under affective Empathy instead of a positive/negative like full empaths do, no?

    I agree that you do not posess cognitive empathy. You only see things from your perspective. Yet, on occasion you have seemed agreeable to the perspective of an empathic person commenting on your blog. I think I am confused about understanding another’s perspective and feeling anothers perspective. Do you see a difference between the two? You understand the perspective but don’t feel the perspective? It seems like you can identify empathy very well (since your whole survival depends on knowing who possesses empathic traits) but, you are just missing the understanding of or maybe mislabeling these empathic traits inside yourself?

    You have to have both of these aspects of empathy plus compassionate empathy, which is what moves a person to action to aid someone, to have fully developed empathy. I know you do not posess compassionate empathy either and any help one may glean is for fuel purposes only or a by product.

    So could you give your observations on the above and how you think these facets of empathy are agreeable or disagreeable to the narcissist? Thanks ABB.

  40. Lacy says:

    HG! Apparently, your not reading between the lines with my postings. Lol. I think maybe more of us might be confused about our status with your kind. I feel like the Intimate Secondary’s especially the Dirty Secret kind could use some explaining. I think their numbers are vast and there are many stories to tell. Sometimes the Dirty Secret is wayyy better looking, has more status and personality than the narc so they aren’t as lowly as your descriptions make them seem. The dynamics for me would be interesting to explore, but that’s just me. Hopefully, you will see it that way too Master.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Lacy, I do not see the DSIPSS as somebody who is necessarily lacking looks, status, personality etc. Of course, compared to me they will have because that is the way it out be. I would be more than happy to discuss the dynamics further. Lead on MacDuff.

  41. I want to know about narcs of the same sex that are so jealous of you that they will do anything to take you down. When you have done nothing to them and they gaslight you, attack you, and try to turn people against you for no reason at all?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Alex, I assume you are referring to non-intimate same sex narcissists who may be friends, colleagues or acquaintances who seek to destroy you? Please confirm. If so, those are the Harpy Narcissists and I have made a note to write an article about this.

      1. Yes that is exactly what I’m referring to! Another very long story but I think that maybe I should change my perfume. Pretty sure it attracts any and all narcs and screams “she wants to play your game.” Game over!

        1. The Punisher says:

          Alex, I have had this done to me a lot too. When I was younger there were always girls around who tried to pick fights and blatantly sabotage me. One of them even told me that she didn’t know why she hates me. Maybe this is because we shared the same abuse?

          1. I can’t remember the exact name that HG called this type of empath but I am the type that people are drawn too…I have a contagious personality and am a confident person that is still sensitive and intune with those around her. I don’t have to have all of the attention but seem to draw it because I love to laugh, see the positive in every situation. I feel very deeply for people that I care about and so often assume everyone is like this and am often times way to quick to trust and open up to others. I don’t feel like I am a doormat or codependent yet sometimes I do question if I am addicted to the up and down provided by people who are narcissists…i don’t want it but seem to draw it. Like you punisher, I have had my share of “backstabbing” friends just itching to watch me go down. I even feel now that DN gets some kind of satisfaction (fuel) in continuously punishing me. But why? I don’t ask for this. I don’t like or want to create drama.

            The latest was another woman at my second place of employment (she is very beautiful btw but extremely possessive, phony,insecure, and definitely has narc traits). I started hanging out in her circle of friends which included her boyfriend, whom I was smart enough to stay very far away from. I’m the type of girl however that will play with anyone on the playground just because I’m friendly…the more the merrier! I’ve never been overly seductive or flirty with anyone (dealt with enough of that being done to me by DN).

            She was friendly enough at first but I could see how phony and competitive she was. She would say and do little things that were very rude to try to bait me. I was nothing but nice to her and just ignored it bc after being on this site for four months, I know that it is just fuel for her and not worth my effort. Next thing I know she sends me a fb message begins texting me accusing me of being obsessed with her and her boyfriend. Telling me to back the fuck off and basically telling me she was going to go to management and complain. Well, I went to them first and showed them her messages and did NOT respond to anything she did. She also blackballed a few of the other people in her circle if they continued to hang out with me…guess what, we are still hanging out. I have a feeling, that this is far from over but I really don’t have time or energy for this drama. Got my Narc Ex and now my Narc Ex MIL on my daughters case to worry about another narc in my life trying to sabotage me. But again, sometimes I do wonder what the hell am I doing to draw this and will it ever stop!

    2. Yes that is exactly what I’m referring to! Another very long story but I think that maybe I should change my perfume. Pretty sure it attracts any and all narcs and screams “she wants to play your game.” Game over!

  42. Amy says:

    Hi HG,
    What I have heard about people with NPD is that there is no cure for them. There is no way to recover, or “get better”, or improve. Would you say this is true? It seems to be since so many with NPD are convinced there is nothing wrong with them and they are perfect. But, when you have the awareness of what you are, and it is a disorder, how can you then still think you don’t need treatment and there is nothing wrong that needs to be corrected? That seems convoluted to me and like the person would have to be playing a mind trick on themselves. Also, I have shared with a close friend of mine your description of the void you feel that has to be filled up with supply. Has it ever been suggested to fill the void with God? If this could be done, there would be no need for supply. I’m guessing this must have been suggested at some point or another, and religious folks will usually point to God and surrender to His Will as the only possible cure. What do you think?
    Thank you.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Amy, thank you for your comment. I agree there is no cure. There are those who believe that some improvement in behaviour can be achieved but I do not see that happening with either the Lesser of the Mid-Ranger because they do not know what they are. I am aware of my behaviour which has been labelled as a disorder, but ask yourself this, who is it a disorder for? Not me. I do as I need and secure what I require. I know it is a problem for others but I do not care about that.
      Other people have suggested that I fill the void with God and I regard that as another way of self-fuelling which is something which gets discussed with the good doctors, though not in the context of God providing the self-fuelling.

      1. Indy says:

        Hmmmmmm, “who is the disorder for?” I really enjoy this type of discussion and really appreciate your perspective, as it challenges the entire concept of diagnoses in general. A favorite topic of mine 🙂

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I am pleased you do Indy, you always have an interesting perspective to bring to all discussions here.

      2. Amy says:

        Thank you HG. Your answer makes me feel sad…sad for anyone with NPD especially the Greater because you know what you are and don’t care. As a religious person myself, my concern isn’t just for the people affected by the narcissists, but even moreso for the narcissists themselves since I believe a victim with good character is better off in terms of eternity than the predatory perpetrator. I was truly hoping your answer would be more encouraging because I’m scared for some children I know who I feel are at serious risk of developing NPD. At what age can NPD be diagnosed? Can children start down the path and have adult intervention reverse the process before it’s too late?

  43. Hope says:

    Just a few days ago I found out an old friend of mine is involved with a man who appears to be a Narcissist. She’s geographically far away from me now & I tried to explain to her through email what a Narcissist is, and sent her many links and suggested your books and blog.

    What would be nice, is a simple checklist for beginners. Perhaps as a “stickie” on your blog.

    A place for the lost souls to begin their journey of knowledge. I know so many people (myself included) had never even heard of Narcissist Personality Disorder before. Those are the people I’m talking about. The ones who aren’t even sure what the hell happened to them, and why it did. And then after they read that introduction – they can continue learning from you.

    I was overwhelmed trying to explain it all for her. Would you consider a post that would explain the basics to “newbies” in a very simple way to jump-start their awareness? Especially one that discusses Narcissists lying and asking their targets for money. An introductory synopsis of the Red Flags that you’ve discussed both on here & in your brilliant books.

    I know I was confused & in denial when I started reading about Narcissism online, and it took me quite a long time to fully understand what had happened to me. I’ve spent hours & hours on your blog/books. But, the beginning of the knowledge was most difficult to get it through my thick head. :/ (Due to denial)

    You’ve gave many examples on how to spot a Narcissist on a date, etc. And the importance of going No Contact. Which are very helpful posts. As are ALL of your posts and books. They are all brilliant!

    Something along that line, if you’d please consider that. Thank you, Sir

  44. Ollie says:

    Since the narcs in my life all had such a rough and horrible childhood caused by the dysfunctional relationship of the mother or father or both, and you had some issues there as well, any tips on what to do or absolutely not do when raising kids when they have a narc parent? You’ve said a few things in some of your blogs, I just would love it if you could elaborate a little more. Thank you for this offer…
    I have more questions, but your articles have touched most of them, the most pressing ones: why? And why me?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Ollie, the article Save the Children will give you some further information in that regard and I will be expanding on this at some point. As to why you? You are an empath and that is why. To understand it in more detail, read Sitting Target.

      1. Ollie says:

        Thank you!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You’re welcome.

  45. SJ says:

    Hello, I am dealing with who I believe is a narcissist. And boy do we fight! My boyfriend, who does NOTHING wrong. Over time, months of it, I find myself losing my temper! Granted he is the most lovable funny person- never laughed so hard in my life! But lately, after months of being told I’m to blame for every fight and every ruined night- I find myself fighting back- and physically!! I’ve never been physical with anyone in my life and I keep questioning…. because my words mean nothing, my words can’t “hurt” like his can, and rarely are they heard… am I left turning to being physically abusive to him? Now that he has that leverage to leave… is this common? Has he pushed me to this or do I have some deep seated demons? I’m mortified at my behaviors! It’s like it builds up and up and finally- I’ve snapped! Help

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

  46. HG, please, would you write about the “warnings” the narcissists give us, I mean, things you guys say that are shocking but we ignore because we are mesmerized? And why do you do so? Are you trying to show us your real self, to check if we will continue to love you? Or are you just tired of the facade? Would you explore this please? Thanks.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Marcella, I have made a note to write about this.

    2. Indy says:

      Great question, Marcella! I too would like to know about those shock messages. I had a series of dates with someone a few years back (I wrote about here on this blog before about the dangers of spice man) that I think was possibly a highly controlled upper-end psychopath (possibly a sociopathic narcissist, though I only had three dates so I couldn’t tell and dint wish to wait and find out if he was truly a psychopath) and he said some interesting and shocking phrases that made me wonder the purpose. I wondered if it was a true warning of danger, or just to see my reaction for fuel or just dark play. Silly me, I originally took him for just dark play and had a little fun, though I realized he had more to him than solely “dark play” on the third date and never looked back, despite his requests to reconnect, even a year after.

    3. Seduced says:

      I can recommend books ” red flags” ” black flags ” and dig throughout the blog… there is plenty here to answet You question.

  47. Sail Away says:

    Thank you for this opportunity HG. Your work is incredibly helpful.

    1. Why must there always be another or many women? Why can’t N’s be satisfied with just one?

    2. Why must there never be closure? Even when he’s dissatisfied and discards? This seems counterintuitive.

    Thank you.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Sail Away, thank you for your compliment.

      1. I have made a note.
      2. See Closure Denied.

  48. Smarter than before says:

    HG. I allowed myself to be manipulated by mother and brother for years and unfortunately it went on most of my years into adulthood and marriage as our family living in town and act like or put a good front of being close. Thanks to some research and figuring things out and helpful insight I am am to excert this information and stop control and manipulation from my mother and I know she will never stop. I have accepted that and maintain the distance and still quietly not give her the drama fuel she so craves. I actually became numb to it at this point. However this past year it I came to the realization that my brother is a narcissistic also and I didn’t realize just how bad until he sought an opportunity for trying cause rift in my marriage. He always is been verbally abusive and I maintained a distance from him as he was always obtaining negative fuel from me as you call it..for the most part except when forced by holidays and other family functions. Studying this behavior from other resources and reading your articles. He really is this and I worry about my sister in law. I have learned to escape from his emotional abuse because I no longer feel anything for him. So I use his tactics and lies and amazing charm, friendly behavior right back to him by acting just as fake as he does but really it all a ruse to get by when we together at family functions. I just wish there was some way warn his wife.. any insight?

  49. Mel says:

    Hello HG, I enjoy all of your writings, they are truly enlightening and informative . Yet there are two subjects I’m interested in concerning the midrange narcissist :sexuality(are they bisexuals) and is it possible for them to fall for another narcissist or cluster b personality type?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Mel, thank you for reading and I am pleased you enjoy them. Mid-Rangers can be bisexual and indeed closeted homosexuality is something seen amongst them more than the other schools. Yes they can readily fall for another cluster B personality type.

      1. Mel says:

        Thanks for responding. Will you write another “when narcissist collide”? I’m very interested in this,since my narcissist(mid-range) discarded me for another narcissist(not sure if lesser or mid-range,but definitely somatic). Please write more about narcissist on narc relationship. BTW, I love the one’s you’ve written already, very insightful!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Thank you Mel. There are more on the way dealing with the other combinations.

  50. Violet says:

    I have left numerous ideas that you promised to write about, which have not materialised :p
    Now I’m back in wonderland (matrinarc’s candy house)

    1. HG Tudor says:

      There is a lot in production yet Violet.

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