Why Doesn’t He Answer My Text Messages? Part Two

why-wont-he-answermy-text-messagespart-two

Having explained why the various schools of narcissist fails to respond to your text messages when you are the primary source, it also falls to be considered why this is done with three classes of secondary source namely The Intimate Partner Secondary Source, The Dirty Secret Intimate Partner Secondary Source and the Non-Intimate Partner Secondary Source.

The Intimate Partner Secondary Source (“IPSS”)

This person is either somebody who is being seduced by our kind for the purposes of being promoted to become the new primary source at the appropriate time or is someone who has not secured the promotion but is someone we regard as too valuable to discard. Accordingly, the IPSS might be someone who is “on the up” in terms of seduction as we look to ensure they will be a reliable and high-functioning primary source or it might be someone who did not make ‘the cut’ but since we have invested time and effort in them and their fuel (plus other benefits) they are still of use to us. So, what does it mean if we are not responding to your text messages when you are the IPSS?

During Initial Seduction

It is the IPSS who experiences the most intense of seductions. You will have begun as a tertiary source, a stranger who has been targeted for your potential. You are therefore very quickly promoted to a secondary source and since sex is such a weapon of mass seduction, you will have been further promoted to the position of IPSS. As we look to promote you to the primary source, you will experience the love-bombing and the manifestation of our infatuation through the near ceaseless text messaging.

When there is a hiatus in the text messaging this is not a devaluation but is rather done to test you to see how you respond. If you are relaxed about this change, for instance you have grown used to a text always at 8am and then we do not send one, but you do not respond to this failure in any way, we will be disappointed. If however you text us at 8-01 am asking us how we are (your attempt to find out why we have not texted without asking as such) then we will be pleased with your response and in such a circumstance likely to respond immediately again. Any kind of delay in responding or period of silence is done purely to test how quickly you will respond and what you will send in your response to us. This is not devaluation. The delay will only be for a short period of time, a few hours or so, as it is a test and we do not want to risk losing your interest. Accordingly, if you do not respond for a few hours (although this is highly unlikely) we will contact you (if it was a devaluation the silence would continue for far longer). Furthermore, when you do respond, we will reply to you after a handful of your messages in a short time period, again because we do not want to risk losing your interest and we are satisfied that you are responding in the way that we approve of.

During the Golden Period Seduction

If the targeting and the initial seduction proved successful then you will have been promoted from IPSS to primary source and therefore you ought to have regard to the circumstances of this article Why Won’t He Answer My Text Messages? – Part One

If however you have not been promoted to primary source but you have not been discarded, then we have opted to keep you connected to us as an IPSS. You will be aware that you have not been promoted because we will still see the wife or girlfriend (or if none was ever mentioned) you will not see us as often as you once did during the Initial Seduction. You may think that this is a devaluation. It is not. You are now in the Golden Period Seduction for an IPSS. This means we still regard you as ‘good’, we want your fuel, but unlike a IP Primary Source we will not avail ourselves of the fuel as often. This means that the fuel you provide as a IPSS does not go stale, but rather we intermittently return to you. We in effect keep you hanging on, future-faking as to what might happen but we have no intention of promoting you (just yet although circumstances may change further down the line) since we deemed you not to make the grade.

What will be happening now is that we will

a. Continue with the devaluation of the primary source;

b. Continue to engage with you as an IPSS; and

c. We will be engaging with another IPSS in the Initial Seduction Period

Accordingly, when your messages are not being returned in these circumstances again it is not because of a devaluation but it is because we have ‘put you back on the shelf’ and we are engaging with the primary source and/or new IPSS who we are looking to promote. You remain of use to us but this is an intermittent use.

Understand therefore that the silences (and they can be protracted) are not because we have turned against you, but because we are busy elsewhere. You may notice that you do receive some replies but they are short and perfunctory in nature

“Busy. Will call later.”

“Can’t talk. Meeting.”

“Busy but miss you.”

“Tied up but will message later.”

These crumbs of comfort are provided because we do not want to lose you, we enjoy the fuel that is received from you messaging us and because you remain in the Seduction Golden Period we have no need to devalue you, it just is not your turn to have time with us.

You can find yourself held in this position for a very long time. Not good enough to become the primary source but not bad enough to devalue and discard.

The Devaluation

The Devaluation of an IPSS is rare because we like to keep you around as a reliable and occasional fuel provider. We invested time in you and because you function whenever we turn to you (you are delighted to gain some time with us at last) your fuel always appears potent to us, thus we have no need to devalue.

Devaluation would only take place if you began to refuse to see us when we decided it was time to pay you a visit or you no longer provided us with fuel. Once this has happened we consider you to be a malfunctioning IPSS and we will devalue you. This means that we will ignore your text messages, you will not get crumbs of comfort and the period of ignoring you will be extensive until we do decide to respond. The response will be malign in nature. Thus if you are an IPSS you will know that:-

a. Extensive delays to reply to your repeated messages; and

b. When the response finally comes it is malign in nature

means that you are being devalued.

The Discard

In the rare event that you have been discarded as an IPSS then you are immediately painted black and it is as if you do not exist. We do not regard you as even worth bothering with for negative fuel (although of course we will still derive some from your messages but we will not prod you for more) and therefore if you do not get a reply to your text messages begging for a reply and an explanation, it is because we regard you as an irritation, beneath dealing with and in all likelihood you will end up blocked.

The Dirty Secret Intimate Partner Secondary Source (“DSIPSS”)

The DSIPSS is the person who is kept hidden away but is dipped into for excellent fuel with considerable regularity ( see more Dirty Little Secret )

The Initial Seduction Period

This will be intense in a similar way to that described above as concerning the IPSS. There is unlikely to be any delay in replying to text messages because there is no need to test you. Your role has been decided on as DSIPSS and you will never become the primary source. Your function is to be available at a set time or times each week for those secret trysts where the clandestine nature of the connection increases the potency of the fuel since you are likely to be The Other Woman. As we embed you (and do so quickly) into this role we will respond to your messages because we do not want to:-

a. Risk losing you; and

b. You trying to contact other people you may know mutually which then risks exposing our dirty secret

thus there will be no failure to reply.

The Seduction Golden Period

Just like the IPSS you are slotted into a longstanding golden period because you are used intermittently. Whilst kept secret, you will be seen more often than an IPSS who is in the Seduction Golden Period. That IPSS has failed to become the primary source but is kept and strung along for future use. You were never going to be the primary source and you are seen more often because the nature of your fuel is a two hour fuel injection before we disappear back to the primary source.

It is the nature of the DSIPSS that because they know of the primary source, they are less likely to badger us through messages. There will not be any intentional failure to respond to the messages of the DSIPSS and often the reply will explain why we cannot speak or message at length but the content of the message will be complimentary, encouraging and contain future faking, whilst slating the primary source,amounted to improved crumbs of comfort. Indeed there will often be an explanation given to explain when we are next available (the IPSS would not be afforded this)

“Can’t message for long, got to take the witch to her friends so will message you around 8pm, can’t wait to kiss you again.”

“Difficult to text, she is still here. Will message again as soon as I can. Really missing you and want to show you just how much asap.”

“Hi sex machine, stuck at present, will msg after 6pm xxxxxxxxxxx”

Thus if you find that your messages are always answered, your expectations managed and you know there is a primary source involved, you are a DSIPSS who is in the lengthy seduction golden period.

The Devaluation

It is very rare for a DSIPSS to be devalued because of their compliance, acceptance of their role and the delicious turbo boost of fuel which they provide every so often. We do not become bored of the DSIPSS’ fuel and devaluation would only take place if the DSIPSS eventually decides that he or she wants more or tires of their role, in effect working out that they are just a dirty little secret. If there are demands for more time, threats to expose the arrangement or the fuel is diminished then we may apply some more sugar to calm the situation, but if this is unlikely to work then we will turn to threats and devaluation. We will then cut the DSIPSS adrift and make them persona non grata. We will not respond to any of the messages for a long time and once we do the response will be savage, malign and threatening in order to ensure that the DSIPSS stays silent.

The Discard

Just like the IPSS, the discard is rare, but if it does happen, your messages will be ignored because not only are you painted black by us, we wish you would just disappear because as a DSIPSS you have the potential to cause us problems. By not answering we are denying your existence. We are unlikely to block you because we want to keep an eye on what you are doing in case it proves necessary to dole out a malign follow-up hoover in order to keep you in line, but we will monitor your texts but not reply. We are no longer as interested in your fuel, but it is rather the reaction of wishing you would just go away and let us get on with our machinations in peace.

The Non-Intimate Secondary Source (“NISS”)

This will include inner and outer circle friends along with colleagues.

The Initial Seduction

This happens quickly as it does not take too much effort to bind this person to us as friend or colleague as a NISS and the reality is that there is unlikely to ever be an occasion, or indeed time for a failure to respond to the text messages occurring.

The Seduction Golden Period

As explained elsewhere, the NISS enjoys a near permanent golden period because their fuel is only relied on intermittently and thus remains potent. The NISS is also often very loyal and receives bribing benefits from our kind, so the seduction golden period will continue for a long time.

If there is a failure to reply to text messages it is because we are busy about something else. The NISS whilst important to us, is expendable and therefore the messages of a NISS will not be treated with priority. The fuel obtained whilst good, is not the highest and generally, in tandem with our concept of superiority and control, consider that the NISS once bound is not going to become disloyal because we have been slow to respond to text messages. We take the view that they will conclude we are just busy and they will patiently wait for a reply. We have no need to rush and no need to devalue them during this stage. Accordingly, if you are a NISS and your messages are not being responded to, it is because we are busy doing something else and you are not a priority.

The Devaluation

The devaluation of a NISS is very rare, but if it does happen then the failure to respond will be elongated in time, with many messages piling up unanswered before we eventually respond with a scathing put down. There will be no words of comfort, no excuses offered but an unpleasant reply designed to draw fuel from you.

The Discard

The discard of a NISS is also rare but if it does happen, it is as if you are struck from the record, made persona non grata and in all likelihood you will be blocked. We freeze you out and no doubt have already replaced you with someone else. Your messages seeking explanations and reconciliation will be unheeded and indeed in many instances not even yet, such is your inferior status to us.

 

 

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26 thoughts on “Why Doesn’t He Answer My Text Messages? Part Two”

  1. The mid range in my life blocked my phone number trying to hoover me (because I didn’t do what he expected), he was sure I was going to ask him “what did I make wrong?” but I did not, I wait 3 days, blocked him and bye, bye f.o.r.e.v.e.r., out of my life…!!
    We work together, so I see him every day since then and of course he didn’t like this rejection by my side, still, one year and a half later he remains trying to show how much he hates me…
    When sometimes it seems is “the end” at last… suddenly appears again and pass by my side with arrogance, other times he looks at me like flirting…

    If I don’t look at him he try to look at me and only when he has eye contact seems to breath…it’s almost impossible working together to have no contact, despite we don’t talk anymore (since I blocked him).

    I’m married, I’m happy…only he seems to be there to shows me that I have to be punished every day…

    I know I’m in his influence sphere but
    H.G. do you think he will leave me alone someday? is really a rejection such a injury for a mid range that it never ends accepting it? never????

    1. As explained before, the mind set is that you belong to us and therefore the question is we will always keep coming back so long as there are Hoover Triggers and the Hoover Execution Criteria are met. You can influence that and reduce the risk considerably. Rejection wounds all of our kind.

  2. Part one was of special interest to me as the former primary source for my husband until he started an affair. But I was also very curious about the NISS freeze out. My soon to be ex just did this to two of his friends, one of which has been friends with him for well over 20 years. Each of these friends finally contacted me thinking that my husband was mad at them or possibly ill. They didn’t know what happened to make him stop responding to phone calls or texts. Is this a phenomenon that happens often when a narcissist discards his primary intimate partner and the friends are mutual friends, hence to be discarded as well?

    1. Hello Judith, he may well have perceived that the friends (for whatever reason – real or imagined) would ally with the discarded IPPS and therefore it was prudent to discard them as well. It may also have been done in order to draw further fuel from the discarded IPPS and as a part of a smear

      “I had to end it because she as horrible to me and she even turned two of my best friends against me/slept with my friends/ etc”

      Thus there would be additional triangulation with these parties and it would be done to gain sympathy and preserve the facade/support the smear with other appliances outside of the discarded three.

      1. Thank you for your response.

        Those things are all definitely possibilities. I know he told his new girlfriend that his family has never liked me and didn’t think we would last (false) and the friends definitely are disappointed in him.

        I know he told me before he moved out that he feels more productive (whatever that means) with the girlfriend. However, the past month, the two times I saw him he looked terrible. I’d think the fuel he is now getting would make him look happier. Then again, I’ve gone almost full NC except where necessary regarding the divorce and our son. I’m done with him, and that is a giant relief to me.

  3. Dear HG, in this article, you stated that the devaluation of a dirty secret would only occur if she decides she wants more. What if a DS asked for more and even wanted to walk away from the narc if more was not given but then instantly backtracked, fell back in line, stayed, and continued admiring and adoring the narc? Would this result in devaluation or all is well again? Thank you very much!

      1. Thank you, HG! I really appreciate your response! Again, apologies for any display of impatience!

  4. HG, trank You for your great support here. I think I am an IPSS as well. Since I noticed some red flaggs during seduction phase and now he’s not replying to me since I reduced my emotional response to a formal contact. Then he tried to reinforce my reaction by giving me ‘good advice’. Now I blocked him all over social Media. But he knows where I am living. This is one of the ‘Greater’ Species and has left formal relationship to the IPPS one year ago. What to expect here?

    1. Hello Alina, he reacted to your fuel reduction by not responding to you. That was a silent treatment, He then sought further fuel from you as an IPSS by engaging with you again. You blocked him. He will be engaging with alternative fuel sources (if available) for the time being. If there are none or few, he will look to draw fuel from you still and thus is likely to attend on your house.

      1. HG – Thank you! I appreciate your quick response. If so, chances are good that he will appear with a malign attempt?

  5. The narc was married. He always used that I didn’t have a child to hoover me whenever I left. By what I’m reading here I was a DS. I always thought I was an IPSS until he figured out (extremely early) that I was never going to let him leave his family for me. Perhaps I put myself in that category. I also wasn’t easy to emotionally abuse and called him on it each time.

    After nine months I got pregnant – and I guess I was a huge inconvenience then. I knew I was being devalued and although he told his wife (trapped in the car, across the country), he still ‘kept’ me with future faking of how happy he was about our child and how he would always look after the child (he has three others).

    I got in first after I caught him in a lie and realised he was a narc – and confronted him about it. He sounded pathetically pleading, as if I should look away. I think he is a mid range/elite cerebral narc.

    I knew I had to throw his wife under the bus and tell her that if he ever contacted me again I would tell her. She’s in complete denial about who he is. I needed to get away. I was six months pregnant and it took my pregnancy to wake up.

    He did the switch and called me up, trying three tactics which didn’t hook me. The first was ‘never call me again!’, the next ‘just wait til I calm down’. The third ‘I still love you, after everything you’ve put me through!’ But his wife is brainwashed – he was never going to leave unless she did/does. I did get in to her that he is a narc, so hopefully the seed is at least sewn when the abuse comes around (and around, and around) again.

    I would appreciate your insight into what he wanted here, and if it was a true discard. It was a 36 minute phone call with threats of how his wife would ‘take me to court and sue me for my flat’ so I should be careful what I write her. I didn’t take the bait, he hung up and texted ‘it is over. Please do not contact me again’. I didn’t take it seriously – I felt the phone call was a complete act. And I didn’t contact him again.

    When my son was born he didn’t sign the birth certificate and didn’t pay child support. I used governmental third parties. Then I took him to court and held him accountable. Now he pays. He lowered his taxable income to pay less, but he’s also paying double. I don’t know if he’s stupid or if it’s a ploy to act like the victim (to her) and the hero (to me) at the same time.

    He always told me from the beginning that he will leave his wife when their children are adults. And gave me a six page letter that promises we will be together one day. I have his son who he has never met. I have protected us from him contacting us. That his family minions haven’t bothered with us is a good thing. I’m sure my name is mud where he now lives.

    HG, what do you think is going on in this scenario? You say we are never really discarded. And, under what circumstances if any, will he use my son to hurt me? I don’t want him, but I am always wary and I need to protect myself and my son. Will he be back?

    Thanks. Gg

  6. Nevermind. Maybe I was the Dirty Little Secret. During devaluation I suggested less emotional connection and fewer communications–basically friends with benefits. Yet he refused. He hated this.

    Though I have escaped and not responded to hoover, could I try to convince him to just be the Friends With Benefits girl? I just want a taste of the wild beast, not the whole thing he kept pushing. 😉

  7. The N was married to someone else. Whenever I was with him he would text make it take calls if she rang saying he was keeping up the appearance of fidelity. I guess I was the IP Sec Source.

    However he often didn’t respond to me in devaluation. Are you sure he ignores an IPPS too? For some reason that makes me feel better.

  8. Another brilliant article, HG! I would nominate you for the Pulitzer Prize! So what do you do with the DSIPSS while you are in the golden period with the new primary source? I have not heard a word from my narc in several weeks now. I have not reached out either. In the past, he would always answer my texts. Sometimes quickly, other times with delay. Sometimes providing explanations for the delay, Sometimes not. Delays were generally a few hours or the next day. Answers were always friendly, complimentary. He discarded his wife and has been with the new primary source for a few months now. I have not seen him for several months. Does him not contacting me mean discard or that he is simply pre-occupied with the new source? Would appreciate your insight. Thank you very much! If I had to guess, I would place him in the mid-range category.

  9. Excellent release again HG. Thank you. After reading and digesting Parts l and ll, they brought a question to mind. It is remarkable to me how the intentional behavioral patterns of your kind are incredibly similar, now; (with the help of your teachings of course) that I can actually “see” your kind. Can you suggest to me why “your community” has such common behaviors and intentions SO extremely similar? Is it more just typical “behavior,” or conditionally “ingrained” patterns of thought in the mind? Almost to a point of a “cookie cutter” community. The universal cognitive pursuit/thirst for positive /negative “Fuel” consumption across the board are astounding. This intentional human condition of your kind insights and intrigue’s me. And in this particular communication, it prompts me to examine this repeated pattern of “my own kind” as well. Thank you again for your extraordinary teachings and in-advance for your response.

  10. Excellent writing here HG! Just what I was looking for. Your insight is amazing and extremely valuable. I look forward to more on this. Maybe the hoovering of these types? Thank you!

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