Elated and Eroded

More insight and enlightenment from the dark-hearted narcissist.

Includes why Lesley became the It Girl

US  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01FUMP13I

UK  https://www.amazon.co.uk/Elated-Eroded-H-G-Tudor-ebook/dp/B01FUMP13I

CAN  https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B01FUMP13I

AUS  https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B01FUMP13I

Advertisements

36 thoughts on “Elated and Eroded”

    1. You are correct, ABB. I am leaving Detroit for Chicago next week. I dont know how long right now. First on the agenda is the theatre to see Hamilton. I wonder if HG knows that they sing his theme song in it? You’ll be back by Jonathan Groff from the original Broadway cast. I find it humorous. If you don’t like that version, Jimmy Fallon and the Roots do it on the Hamilton mixtape. You are not asking but I will tell you my absolute favorite songs from that musical are A Winters Ball and Helpless (back to back)by the original cast. I digress as usual. I think Texas after that. We’ll see. I will be around here though, I cannot look away, hah, I’m helpless.

      1. Ahhh, Hamilton. It is on my list too. Have safe travels. Love seeing you around here. Yes, there is a certain draw.

      2. Sarah.
        Of course I wear blue lipstick. Only to certain events. As well as Purple, pink, red, nude, gloss, matte. Formal occassion light pink or nude pink or a classic red. Goes good with little black dress. The two blues are Mac. Kevyn Aucoin has a nice newer one, bloodroses. It’s a brown red. Good for fall. I like a blue red for December, something shiny. Do you wear it too? Now I am going to go dark hair instead of blonde. Until Summer. Fashion talk on Narc blog wonder if will go through? HG think of it as gift ideas for your girl minions.

  1. Yes about 3am last night I am reading your words and I get snow. I think okay am I seeing things or is that snow? Leave it to you HG to confuse me and think I am imagining things. I did like it though. *Building Perfect Tudor Snowman* *Puts hat on it*Shouts* “Come to life dammit!”

      1. Thanks for responding and glad you are well. I have another question for you if you have time…found a topless photo of me on my WP site that I didn’t put there – I am assuming this is a malign hoover from a Narcissist that I do not really know because he found me online on FB or what not where he has access to my computer files (to get the pic and posted another pic of my stepson!), blogs – What do I do? I really am at a loss on this one…and would appreciate your wisdom if in tired kindness to me were able to provide.

      2. I am not entirely sure how this person came to be in possession of such material, but leaving that to one side Sarah, I recommend you remove it. If you are able to establish who it is, then you need to consider whether taking further action will increase the malign hoovers. I would start by removing it and doing nothing, so the fuel provided is minimal and therefore whoever is doing it will have the bar raised on the hoover execution criteria with regards to this malign hoover.

      3. HG – this is the crazy part…because I DON’T know who it is I can’t give the requisite FUEL and have to say silent about it! It’s like I need to PURGE all this negative and get it out! It’s so frustrating!!!

        Hey, would you mind if i just let it out how here I feel here?

        Weird idea, but obviously it wouldn’t be directed at you or anything but since you like negative fuel and my secret admirer Narc could be 1 of 20,000 people – do you mind if I just vent it out right here? Again TOTALLY not at you but this will probably be as negative as I get…I would address it: TO HIM OR HER – it could be a girl. A couple. Who knows but I just want to get it out. I don’t do “fury” – I do “rage”. But wanted to ask as it’s an odd request.

      4. To Those That Persecute:

        My rage to you is kindness by choice.

        The first thing I want to address is the most important that upon knowing an extreme boundary violation occurred (hacking my computer and posting a naked picture on WordPress, etc) my immediate reaction (other than shock) was to not give you satisfaction of a response, but realized that was selfish as I will explain below. I went into my “dark room” as I call it and mediated and an unusual thing transpired, God told me to do what I found to be right. There has only been one other time, this has happened as usually His answer is clear. I will not say I was happy about this as out of all the times in my life, this was the one time that I wanted a simple answer free of thought: Yes or No.

        Immediately, I felt my toes curl, and my closed eyes opened immediately – that is my trigger when the emotional state of “rage” begins. It starts in my toes and travels down my legs, stomach and if it reaches my heart, it pumps pure red to my brain. It consumes and I will see the color red over my eyes. I felt rage very few times, and of course, this varies by the provocation. However, what you all did in violating my personal boundaries, my body, and my family was a 10 out of a scale of 1-10.

        Now, I want you to imagine this so you can understand it. Think of being on a sailboat on an ocean on your envisioned ‘perfect day’. The coolest of breezes, the dark blue waters and sky with puffy white clouds and a bright sun. When rage enters the water, it starts 20,000 leagues (subconscious) below the ocean surface as thick black ink (rage). This blackness slowly starts to creep to the surface and if it be converted into the water – it changes the reflection of the sky, the sun, and the wind.

        On my sailboat, I can feel something brews 20,000 leagues below the sea as already the sky has turned grey and the sun is hidden in clouds (consciousness). The wind is still and the waters move not at all. I look down, and I can see the black ink swirling up to the water (my heart) and in those moments I have a choice: I can let the darkness consume me and turn the day in a thunderstorm or I can make my day even more beautiful. So I choose to take that dark blackness and turn into pure white (truth).

        When it reaches the surface of the water, it makes the water a more brilliant shade of turquoise blue and as the sky is a reflection of the water, so does it change to brighter than before. And the clouds pass and the sun shines again. I do nothing, but choose to transform that black swirling black ink of energy into positive as those who persecute do not have the benefit to break me.

        That is the force of seizing the power and converting negative to positive. The stronger the negative, the stronger the positive. However, people are compromised of multiple elements. God Himself was a jealous god – the evil verses good is all defined in subjective intent.
        However, to have done nothing in this case deprived others and myself of two things: 1) to others, the opportunity for me to share my comments and views on Narcissism and 2) to myself, to ask when I needed help. So, do nothing resulted in a double negative which by in action, becomes positive.

        As I have stated from the beginning, the difference between a Narcissist and Empath when you reach a certain level is all but choices of action. When Jesus was tempted by the devil with bread, Jesus chose not to eat the bread – but that did not mean he was not hungry. So here I am. Choosing to not only do nothing with what you have done, but stand here, knowingly awaiting with the other cheek turned.

        TO YOU:

        On every occasion, I have given you who hated me the most.

        Much time and energy has been dedicated to my spending of the truth, and have most of the pieces and disregarded the pieces that are not relevant to truth. The puzzle is far from put together, but what is remarkable is how the power of feelings coupled with knowledge has given me insight on a vast innerworking that, remarkably, I still admire. However, without an identifiable truth, I cannot ascertain what is best to do for others or even myself and thus must go on what I can identify.

        It appears I did not just come for Narcissists, but Empaths as well. Sometimes, the student becomes the teacher, and it becomes ever the more evident that I am a breed of neither of these two groups as they are defined here.

        SO ALL TO WHO READ:

        My computer has been hacked. I would advise discrediting evidence that was obtained in such a manner because often the hacker can put their own words and images that were not even my own in the pile for triangulation. Without seeing the evidence, I cannot comment, but I do not lie. However, no one ever asks and I have made myself easy to contact or get ahold of, but am not here to distort your version of truth because it does not change it.

        THE PRESENT:

        So I knowingly, am here, turned with the other cheek, for those who read, listen, and wish to learn until another evident that leads me to the contrary of which I will ascertain at that time.

        My truths are largely incomplete, but then again, so are yours. Hopefully, this gives a good indication of where I stand.

      5. HG, thanks so much for responding. What is the polar opposite of a Malign Hoover? What are examples of these opposites? I would be super grateful if you could clarify.

      6. Lennox touched my heart and remained in my mind. Is he happy and in a romantic relationship now?

      7. Oh no! Please Mr. Tudor, don’t do it!
        I had a narc who would use his younger empath brother (who was single) as bait to hook in the girls and then he’d go in for the kill. The narc eventually married but continued on the game by posting his brother’s profile on dating sites. He’d go on the dates as the brother, so it was the perfect double life with minimal risk of exposure.

      8. Ah, my heart is breaking!!! Is she an empath as well? I have never seen an empath-empath relationship.

      9. My dear love, my heart breaks that you’ve never seen an empath with an empath in your life and never experienced it. my ex who had passed away was one. Probably a combination of empath and codependent. I miss him so, he was my dear friend.

      10. My goodness Indy, I’m a crying mess now. I am sure he was a beautiful soul! The only person who may have loved me truly and deeply – and showed me empathic compassion was my father. Its been 11 years since his passing, and I still miss that love. To this day, I cannot look at my uncles’ eyes without weeping because they resemble his so much.

      11. Hi Love,
        I am glad you knew some love in your life sweetie. I certainly knew it and am ever grateful for his love. It was pure. With that said, his addiction was strong and it took him from this world. That is the only reason I left him, I was watching him die. I was with him for 6 years, he was an addictions counselor (go figure) and he helped parent my son (who is now adult). Even though I broke it off with him over 10 years ago, we remained connected as he was truly family. Subsequently our friendship blossomed. When we were mad at each other we spoke once a week (LOL), when not, every other day. He warned me against my more recent ex. I didn’t listen. Well, he was correct. The holidays are bitter sweet this year. I hold my family close as they are true. Wondering if I will ever find an empath again.

      12. Indy, I completely understand what you mean about watching him die. Addiction is a slow suicide …
        Know that you’re not alone. I’m sure you have plenty of people around you that love you. And you have us, the crazy bunch on the forum, that love and respect you so much!
        And of course you will find empathic love again. Remember, we’re believers of love… You will have your happily ever after. 🌈 ❤

      13. Sometimes, though, I wonder if it is bred into us being Americans and always wanting the happy ending. Sure, Empaths too. And double dosed with being this optimistic American thing with happy endings that we crave in our movies and lives. It is OK if I do not find it again. I know my family loves me and I them. My friends too. I treasure you all here, indeed! And, notwithstanding, sometimes sadness and grief can be delicious too. A craving unmet, tasty…like umami.

  2. ***Twirls like a lil girl in the snow. Tongue out, catching flakes***.
    Thank you for the snow, I have so missed it. Perhaps I need to journey home to the mountains soon.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.