One More Chance

 

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What harm could it do to give us one more chance? Like the gambler placing another bet in the hope of winning big, there is everything to gain and not much more to lose really is there? You are down amongst the dead so what could possibly go wrong? Besides, imagine if you did not do so? Imagine that you pass up this opportunity and somebody else takes it? Somebody else benefits from all of your work and they get it right. They do and say the right things so they enjoy the joy of the golden period but this time it lasts forever. It would be like allowing someone ahead of you in the queue and they buy a winning lottery scratchcard from the selection you had your eye on. So near, yet oh so far. Imagine the crushing dejection of knowing that you had it in your grasp but you failed to fllow through and seize the moment. How could you live with yourself thereafter if you failed to act on this glorious chance?

You don’t want to let anybody else gain the advantage do you? Not after everything you have done to steady the ship, to keep things afloat and to steer a sensible course through hazardous waters. You are owed that chance. You are entitled to that magnificent outcome and here it is being offered to you. All you have to do is take hold of it and give us another chance to make things right. Yes, it has failed in the past but did Robert the Bruce give up in his attempts to defeat the English? No he did not, he kept on going didn’t he and I know, I just know that you are made of similar stuff. You have that indefatigable spirit, that is why I hcose you. I knew you would not give up. Too many people let me down, but not you. You aren’t going to do that are you? You have your eyes on the prize. You could not live with yourself if you knew you had given up the chance for us to return to our golden period once again.

I know some people say that past behaviour is the greatest indicator of future behaviour but they are just bitter because they lacked the capacity and the ability to make a change. They wanted to make a difference but they didn’t have the goods. They didn’t have the gumption, the wherewithal, the necessary to do the job. You have. I can tell. I know these things and if you just believe in me this one time then everything will be different. Just one chance. That is all that I am asking for. It isn’t much, not after everything we have been through.

You aren’t going to throw away everything that we have built up are you? I surely do not think that you will do such a thing. You are not like that. You believe in us and you are the one who holds the key to a magical future. Just place the key in the lock, turn it and open the door to me. I will be there waiting. I have all the time in the world. I am not going to go anywhere soon if I know that you are going to continue to believe in me, but if you are going to give up, even though I don’t think you will, well, there are plenty who will take your place. No, I haven’t got anybody lined up, I am not saying that. I am just pointing out that someone as special as me, well, there are people who would be interested, that is all that I am saying. But let’s not talk about them. That is just something which might happen if you make the wrong decision. Not that you will. You are good at making decisions. I know that. You chose to be with me. Oh I know I made it seem like that I came after you but let’s not delude ourselves here, you are the one who made the decision. After all, you are in control of your own destiny aren’t you? I just offered myself to you, you had to make the decision to make that step towards me and you did and do you know why? Because you know. You know that we belong together. You know how we feel about one another. Yes, I know there are difficult times, but that is just what life throws at us but you and I, well, we are better than that aren’t we? I am not trying to influence you because I have ultimate faith in you to do the right thing. You know your own mind. All I am doing is asking yourself whether it is worth throwing away all that we have, all that we can have, just because you will not give me another chance?

I know you are someone who believes in the power of love. I do too. Love is all that we need and what you and I have, well, nobody else really understands it do they? I know what people say about me and you being together, but it is all jealousy. Are you going to let the outrageous comments of others deny you your happiness? I would not think that for a moment you would conceivable allow that to happen. You are your own person. I have always respected that. I gave you what you needed. I know at times I might be a hard task master but I did it for us because it is only when you are truly and sorely tested that you can tell that it is love. Anybody can love like the books and the films. Anybody can be on top of their game when they have no worries and no concers. A real test of a relationship is when the chips are down, when your backs are against the wall when it is against all odds. It is when somebody else interferes, wants what you have and you have to fight for what you want. You have. I have seen the fire and the determination in your eyes because I know you want me. You want us to be together. We have been tested, repeatedly, but have we not come through it? Have we not come out on the other side and we are better for it? Our love has become stronger because we have been tested and we survived that test. Are you going to let all of that go to waste just because I say some things in the heat of the moment? That is passion for you, you bring it out in me, I cannot help it that you cause these emotions to erupt from me. Would you rather me be a cold and heartless shell? Of course you would not. I am what I am and I am a cauldron which you manage to stir because that is how you and I are. Other people hurl their opinions around, I know they do, I am not stupid, I know what they say, but they do not understand you and me. They do not have what we have and they are misguided at best and jealous at worst.

So, give me another chance. It is easy and we have so, so much to look forward. There is nothing really more you can lose is there by trying again, but if you don’t you will always wonder, “what if?” and it will drive you demented not knowing what might have been if you had trusted your instinct and allowed me back.

Let’s do it. Let’s create our wonderful world again. Just you and me.

Just say yes.

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33 thoughts on “One More Chance”

  1. Just heard this exact speech. Though worded not nearly so eloquently. I did
    not even have a chance to respond before he pounced on me and reeled me back in. So l am stuck again. Only his grip is even tighter and he is far more determined to keep me there.

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      1. He has gone through my office. He left it a mess and also some bread crumbs that led out the door. He is such a naughty man. He needs to be on his own naughty step.

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      1. But of course! My mistake. Off with me to my own naughty step because HG does not allow me on his.
        Ahh I could use a good spanking.

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  2. so oct 2 – narc tried for a second chance (was single). Nov 14 send me an email that just said “video”. 2 days ago sent me a fb message and tried to call on there (ignored) then i figured, i am bored. could use some entertainment. started talking. i was telling her something and somehow i found out she was currently seeing another married woman.. obviously at this point i knew i was there for triangulation. got a low blow in… she ate it up and i acted like i didnt know what she was talking about like i didnt mean it. I said well it was nice talking to you this time next year? and she goes “no silly, we can talk as much or as little as you want”. K BICH DONT CALL ME SILLY LIKE U KNOW ME NOW LOL. she was pissing me off the way she was talking so i decided to let her know how i felt then blocked her messages. later i unblocked them because i realized you know what, she can fucking contact me all she wants. I dont give a shit. I dont have feelings for her anymore. if she wants to know shes a POS, i will validate her. I don’t care if i am mean or cruel its the god damn truth lol. she can run and hide from me now ^^ i am smiling watching her shitty ass life and have no problem letting her know xD

    “….first Lauren played u and now your getting played again .. i see you have no worth. not from any of them, clearly not from yourself .. and u come to me looking for it ? that your worth a friendship? that I think you’re of value ? I give you another opportunity to show me that you’re worth something… but you’re just not. Sorry but if a middle aged house wife working for Herbalife doesn’t value you what makes you think a successful, well educated, independent, traveled woman in her prime would ? did you honestly think I’d sit there and let you tell me “it’s not up for discussion” that you’re open with her “and her husband” ? I was hoping that maybe you would try to change after you called me so we could maybe be real and have some care for each other if. Not just to say hello I’m happy for you. but you make it impossible. cause you know what ? these wives u date value their husbands as people .. respect the Years and cherish the love they had together so they don’t disrespect them and devalue them. they don’t want to hurt them.

    You on the other hand. you have no loyalty nor do you value anything. u always used to tell me I never took care of my things.. but they’re things. you don’t take care of things that truly are of value. I don’t know how you think ur little affair is gonna end but maybe you should learn from experience. I have no problem with you contacting me now. I have no problem letting you know how I value you and honestly I don’t care if it hurts you because I am more entitled to do it than the people you let do it. so be my guest and contact me whenever you’d like. we can talk as much or as little or not at all as you want, silly. just know I will treat you based on your value. so enjoy, the lines are open.”.

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  3. I made the mistake of doing this again this past week. (So mad at myself.) Only on a ‘friends’ basis. What’s bad is after all the covert games, lies and machinations, I can’t believe I would want that. He keeps telling me to move on with my life. And I have-I just thought we could somehow remain friends. What is wrong with me? And I know he can’t be a ‘real’ friend-although he turns that around on me every conversation. Why is it taking so long to ‘finalize’ the end of this relationship. I want it to stop. I know it’s not good in any way. Why can’t I let it go?

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    1. It is because of the emotional infection that has occurred and your need for answers Seeking Wisdom. Of course, each time that you have an interaction with your narcissist, it rips open wounds and hampers your recovery, which is what we want to happen. You know that this situation is bad for you, but your emotions are overriding you and hence you remain caught in the emotional sea. You will be able to cross it. Removing yourself from the effect of the narcissist will improve your prospects, through going no contact and also reading Exorcism which will improve your chances further.

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      1. Thank you HG. I needed that. I know my emotions take over and are hindering me from going no contact. I just can’t fathom that he’s not really the person I thought he was. I will check out Exorcism. As much as I’ve read your blog and have researched this, it is still not easy to move on. I know it’s the right thing to do AND the best thing.

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  4. So good HG! Exactly! Those are the exact thoughts that have gone thru my head so many times. I kicked my Narc out & have not taken him back despite those pleas from him. It was tough in those moments b/c of those exact thoughts in my own mind, yet so easy since he was screwing half the city and expected me to allow him to keep doing “his thing” lol like really? I never even came off as that type of girl, but I guess that is part of the game…trying to mold us into your own creation that would just accept it as it is and settle for the slow death inside as every ounce of self esteem and worth cease to exist? Nothing more attractive than the walking dead woman right? 🤔

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  5. Great post hg. These are the things that go around in my head after a arguement and silent break. The hoovering starts and im torn apart wondering what to do. Its all these and the fear of being alone and feeling that empty depression. This is where the codependency comes in and for me is the root of the problem. If i could stand on my own feet i think i could finally say NO to that one more chance

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  6. Yes i will give you one more chance. In fact, i will give you as many chances as you request. It is not your fault you are this way. So why should i turn my back on you? You deserve love just like anybody else does. You do not need or want love? It is fuel you desire? Admiration and praise? Done! Then that is what i will provide you time and time again. I know you will give me nothing in return. But that is ok because that is true love. You noticed that it is hurting me to get nothing in return? Well if that is what i have to endure in order to make you happy then i will do so. Oh you don’t feel happiness? I meant if that is what i have to do in order to make you feel more at peace then i will do so. It will never be enough you say? Tell me please what more can i do? Nothing will ever be enough because you’re empty inside? All the more reason for me to fill the void as much as i can… because i still love you 😔

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    1. Makes me sad to read this, Ptsdafternarcabuse. I hope you don’t mind me adding my two cents here. What you describe is co-dependency, a form of self-abandonment.

      De Saint-Exupery said ‘true love begins when nothing is looked for in return’. That is correct in the sense that we give freely, and feel fulfillment and joy in the act of giving. True love however, is a giving and taking. If one just gives and the other just takes, it is not love: it is co-dependency and narcissism, a toxic dance.

      We need to love and respect ourselves enough to walk away from anyone who does not value us. At first we fear what we might lose, but take a closer look at the situation, and ask yourself: ‘what do I lose?’

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      1. Thank you matilda for your thoughtful comment. Yes indeed i am borderline and co-dependent. I tried leaving him once but he was in too much pain. My heart goes out to him. So i have decided to help him as much as possible, even though i know it’s not healthy.

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  7. HG your blog is the only place where i can express my feelings fully. Nobody else understands. ‘Just forget about him’ they say. Thank you HG for providing this virtual world. Thank you for taking the time to read our comments. And thank you for replying to us in such a thorough manner. Love you tons❤️

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    1. true “forget about him” “get over that” “you will find someone loving and caring” these make me laugh as there are only two people around me who know who i am dealing with and other saying above things have no idea that these don’t apply here. ..

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  8. But of course you already know during your hoovers and asking for another chance that it’s all fake and you have no intentions on changing or being there for them ?

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  9. No HG I won’t say yes!!!!
    Thanks for getting me to this point.
    I heard “How can you throw everything away like that” and many of the others that you wrote.

    I wish you luck PTSD❤️🍎❤️

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    1. Thank you snow white.
      You posted somewhere that you hug your students. You seem like a great teacher! Keep doing what you do!

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  10. Exactly the words I used to hear. “Babe (btw: so true with the pet names – hahaha; the other girl was babe – he sligtly mixed it up; I was angel too but lately only babe, it was easier), this one last chance, have I ever asked for a chance, we belong together, I love you the most/the best, all this happens for a reason, it’s a test to see love overcomes all, someone is guiding us, babe you and I forever, you are mine, I couldn’t stand someone else touching you, I am / will always be there for you, I am always around, you are mine – my girl, my whore, my everything…BABE…” There must be a Narc school out there?! Constantly reading my life here…Thanks for the insight Mr. Tudor.
    I threw him out on Friday – my personal gift for Christmas 🙂 …

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