What to Do?

People face tough decisions every day in a wide array of scenarios. It may relate to health, business, relationships or money. Should the aggressive cancer treatment be undertaken despite the risks? How many people should be trimmed now the business has been taken over? Do we send in troops against the enemy on foreign soil? Do I give her another chance despite her infidelity? Does this blue or pink shirt look better? President Obama explained that by the time a matter was referred to him for an outcome there was no easy decision.

This is because people are troubled by conscience. A conscience is that thing which causes you to frame your own decisions as if someone was watching what you are doing or thinking, even though you are alone. People make decisions tougher than they need be because they are worried how people will react, how it will make that person look in front of others, how it will impact on other people and whether they will be damned if they do and damned if they don’t. These considerations do not trouble my kind and me.

My kind and me receive a lot of bad press about the things we say and do. Of course you will not be holding your breath in the expectation of some kind of apology because that is just not going to happen. I do know however that you are a reasonable person who looks at matters in a balanced and fair-minded fashion (it is just that I tell everyone else that you are crazy harpy who is out of control). With that in mind, you really ought to give thanks for people like me because we can be relied on to make the tough decisions that have to be made.

For example, imagine there is a redundancy situation in your department and in one particular team four people are at risk of losing their jobs. Two positions have to go and one of your friends is in this pool of individuals at risk. How would you go about deciding who is selected for redundancy and who is not? That part of you that is dedicated to fairness and the correct way of doing things would decide that a prescribed selection criteria should be applied to all four who are at risk. You would apply scores for each person to the criteria and the two lowest would be then selected for redundancy. The empath in you knows however your friend will face serious financial consequences if he lost his job now, notwithstanding the redundancy package. You also fear you will lose your friendship if he is made redundant. You agonise over what you should do. Should you apply the scores fairly and then be beyond reproach in the event of a legal challenge to the decision but risk losing your friend and causing him severe problems? Alternatively, should you massage the scores bumping up a couple of his and reducing a couple of someone else’s? Who would know if it is just a few points difference? What about speaking to the head of the department and trying to save one of the jobs so there is only one casualty? In such a scenario you know your friend will be safe as one of the candidates is poor at his job and is nailed on to be chosen. I know that you would face quite a dilemma in trying to make this decision and ultimately you would probably pass it on to someone else citing a conflict of interest.

What about me? What would I do? Would I apply the criteria and the poorest two lose out? After all, surely we want the best employees and if there is dead wood it needs to be cut out irrespective of any friendship that may exist? Would I instead apply my own criteria of who will provide me with the best fuel in this office dynamic and allow that to influence the supposed objective scoring? Would I make the decision that suits me the best and then reverse engineer the situation to give it the veneer of legitimacy? I should imagine that you will be inclined to think that I would do the latter. If so, you would be wrong.

I would fire all four. Their work would be distributed to other people in the department on the basis that they would receive a small bonus if they achieve certain targets. The business makes a greater saving by losing the foursome and four other employees become very grateful to me, thus giving me plenty of fuel, as a consequence of this incentive. I then contact two of the four and explain that if they bide their time I will ensure they can be re-hired in a few months’ time, before the pay-off has been depleted and thus they will actually find themselves in a better position. I will recruit those two in the new financial year so the previous year’s savings remain good. The re-hired individuals will be eternally grateful to me, ensuring loyalty and further fuel, plus I shall ensure they become my lieutenants as repayment for me looking out for them. The hold I have over my higher-up will ensure the recruitments go through without incident and are done outside of the time allowed for the two who remain out in the cold to bring a tribunal claim.

What about the friend in all of this? Who cares? He should have fuelled me more and he might have been saved. As it is, I have found some new friends who are ever so grateful for my largesse and who are perfectly content to propagate my explanation that the friend was released as a consequence of some behaviour that cannot be expanded on but let us say is outside the range of normative behaviours of decent people in society. When the friend comes calling to vent his spleen at me, well his anger and insults are all good fuel aren’t they?

The way you are wired causes you to make decisions tough.

We, by contrast, make the tough decisions.

You really ought to thank us.


79 thoughts on “What to Do?”

  1. There is no real friendship in your department at work to begin with, not really between colleagues who could end up fighting over a job as described here, and certainly not with your line manager.

    Managers want to appear to be friends with all in their department, knowing you would be more invested if you felt valued and ‘seen’, and therefore, more productive: ‘we are all in this together’ approach. Laughable! What managers really care about is how you can contribute to making *them* look good in front of their managers! Once you realise that, their agendas become very clear to you, and you see their rottenness in all its glory!

    As to these office politics, HG: very clever, indeed! Machiavellianism at its best.

  2. Hmmm, not sure about that one…in every company, difficult personnel decisions are sometimes necessary. It may be easier for the narcissist to fire people but managers-empaths do it as well to protect the business. All hirings and firings are done together with HR department and proper business rationale; this type of decision is not made by the single individual (this is a real life in most corporations). Unless you own private business HG Tudor, then the post accurately describes the freedom of choices you would have. The rationale around firing would stay in your head so nobody would know how evil your plan was. Anyway, I have seen empaths doing similar things at work, somewhat disgusting.

  3. M. HG, do you and you brethren live in a sort of Fairy Tale Fantasy World, or are you all not very certain about whether you do, or not? It does not seem like reality, your world. It seems like an odd, nightmarish fairytale to all, except you, the monster… ⚔️⚔️⚔️

  4. Hi

    I.ordered the no.cintact book .
    I was wondering which book is it that you have all these chapters in? I would like to.order that …
    Or do I have to order each chapter separately ?

    1. Hi Tracie, thank you for ordering No Contact you will find it very useful. If by chapters you mean the blog articles you can obtain those (and they include additional material not seen on the blog as well) by ordering the Confessions books and the alliterative titles (Treasured and Tormented, Beautiful and Barbaric etc).

  5. One thing you hit the mark on is that empaths refuse to embrace their dark side. Sages say there is no light without the darkness. There is a misconception that for us to live a content life, we should be full of love and joy always. To feel the full range of human emotions and accept these without judgement is a sound base to follow. This is where your scenario falters. Refusal to consider human emotions is, in my opinion, the downfall of many organizations and companies. To only go by the what is best for the company and what will bring the best profits does not make for a quality company. The highest rated companies in this country are the ones that include quality treatment of its employees and who values its customers. Business is business, but people are people.
    I personally would not take your offer. I would have saw through your game and moved on. I am an empath after all. I surely do not need that kind of game in my life and I feel sorry for those who get sucked in.

    1. I second your focus and your input and would join up with you in business! Every employee needs to feel valued, appreciated and needs considerations that they have a life outside of the company. Let’s face it, so many sell their families out to achieve for the profit margin of the company, but fro a star sticker, or laminated piece of A4 paper that can be downloaded from any old site, to give them their star sticker on their folder to say with another cheap sticker (welldone with a thumbs up). What a croc of BS.

    2. If you are this strong to not be caught in their grasp, then you would not be a target. They know what they do and they know who will fall. At least someone like HG, a greater narc.

      1. Anyone who has a trait that the Psychopath-Narc lacks-that can be physical, a talent, money-anything at all, can be a ‘target’ for a P-Narc. As Narcs-Psychopaths have no self-identity, an inferiority complex, combined with delusions of grandeur. They always need a Controller- a person who has that specific trait, that is targeted, and then victimized as the Psychopath-Narc finds it cannot morph that persons desired trait into itself.

  6. Thank you, your posts on narcs in business life are most interesting.
    Have another win-win business idea for you: a boot camp for people like me, whose feelings sometimes get in the way.

      1. Why would you ask that?
        I’m at the opposite end.
        And I would consider it a helpful idea to educate people who work in a corporate environment on how some people scheme, lie, think, …
        You’ve misunderstood me, and also my humour.

        Tarot Key Nr. 14:
        Too many feelings can be hindering, they are not intuition.
        You also need to be able to defend yourself: archangel Michael, Nr. 14, with his sword.

        You believe in getting in bad vibes from me, yet you wish to exchange massages with a malign narcissist sociopath?
        Yes, Yay4unicorns, such a person is able to kill – psychological, driving people into suicide and not caring, and sometimes killing others, though HG has pointed out that that would be counterproductive.
        No, PRH, I’m not the one, who’s thinking that way, just pointing out that you’ve been already drawn into the mind of a very dark personality. Those are the personality types who not only invented, but enjoyed the witch hunts.

      2. Ava: Whoa! Thanks for the explanation and it is explained well..I can’t stop you, your call- I advise you this: Refrain from doing any form of tarot, on me okay. Don’t do it, no good of it will come- that is the vibe. I don’t care if you call them angel cards, or you are deeply into tarot again your call. A word of caution: Don’t do cards on me. Archangel Michael is not one to be mocked, Ava. His business is his alone, nothing pretty and fluffy about the brisking of feathers rising up his back, don’t tamper with him. He is God’s. He wants to defend me, he shall but that is his business when and how…leave some things alone! No more said.

        I don’t exchange messages or massages (lol) with the malign narcissist sociopath Hg Tudor.

        We are here for reasons of our own and for a period of time, to learn what we must for a season or how ever long it may take for various personal reasons. You are no exception AVA.

        The witch hunts another matter left best alone. Take Care AVA 💜

      3. Yay4Unicorns, no, that was not for you, I thought PRH had said sth that she’s interested in that direction but I might be mistaken, maybe it was someone else.

      4. I regret having taken the time to respond to your crazy accusations.
        You are way out of line and disrespectful.

      1. PRH,
        I have a question for you. In Deuteronomy chapter 18 verses 10 – 12 It clearly is agreeable with your idea of the use of spiritism. I wondered though, how are you feeling vibes from mere words? I understand having a general feeling about people face to face, however in writing a comment, it is hard to get a feel for a person as they can be, say, do anything on the Internet. HG doesn’t disclose enough personal information to know who he really is. Do you think Ava101 or anyone else on here truly “knows” one another? What bad feelings do you get from her writing? Does she remind you of someone you know?
        For the record, I don’t always agree with everyone on here. However, I don’t know them and what their reality is, is there own. You cannot change another person. You can though state your opinion or give advice or encouragement in hopes they will consider your point of view. To use a generalized statement that someone gives you a bad vibe doesn’t give the other party a chance to explain themselves for the unknown reason you feel this way. Maybe if you explained the feelings behind the vibe, she could address the issue with you. Forgive me if I have offended you. It is just my mediation skills coming to the fore and definitely not meant to incite any ill will. Let me know your thoughts please.

  7. Funny hey- it was always my girlfriends that were the one night stands! lol. Thought it must have been me, lol. Thought it was because they were so much prettier, how naive I was. Proud to say, I was considered a snob, a Toorak kind of girl and hell look at me! What a joke! Stupid, stupid girl (me) I was such a dummy and oh wow the men I turned down to maintain myself! Stupid, dumb and I could literally smack myself in the nose!

  8. Oh yeah, Johnny Farnham. another Icon from Aussieland…after the horses’ if you care to listen (most likely not)…lol…we are all from the U.K. Convicts no less Mr Tudor! He and his family arrived from the U.K. They happened to live about a km, maybe less down the road from me, yeah HG…Yeah well he was the only one with blonde hair, his sister and his younger brother had red hair and they were freckled and quite plump. I am being polite! Nah maybe the Voice’ Johnny Farnham, by Aussie standards and not the voice by U.K standards as in MR PAUL RODGERS- The Real Deal…The OMG like fine vintage wine, gets better with age- he is’THE VOICE.’ Forget our version! Anywho- back to the story….so Johnnies sister tethered her white kissingback horse at my park. Like hello there was no boundaries to speak of, it’s like who would risk their horse on a tent peg in the ground, tethered with nothing but a white rope??? Anywho, she did and I really don’t like to mean, but she was a sizeable weight compared to kissingbackspine….as I grew and knew sometimes it was not the horses fault that made him an S-Bend. Lil, bro reminded of Danny in the partridge family, as he used to appear from time to time. Anywho thought I would share my evening. Goodnight 🙂

  9. Ummmm…apart from this story…Anywho these pommies including ourselves arrived because we stole a loaf of bread, far removed from being a Tudor as we were just minimised to some criminal like those who were sent to Alacatraz where the lowest of your kind Mr Tudor would be sent to Van Demons land and her baron landscape for punishment and the hot Australian Sun and it’s landscape. Nothing like a plum in the mouth of our heirarchy, hey? Just make sure when you don’t swallow the large seed or you may need a heimlick manouvre 😉

    1. He’s cute, sometimes…squishy, squeezy, cutesy-pie HG…I’m gonna squeeze his cheeks real hard, and kiss him, and then make pudding-pie out of him!! I am gonna squeeeeal cuz he’s soooooo kute!!!!! I wanna hug him RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!

  10. Little Jack Horner sat in his corner manipulating all of the way until little Miss muffet sat on her Tuffet and steared him all of his days! He ducked and he hid from all throughout his life because he caused nothing buttrouble and strife yet blamed his matrinarc because he was a goldenarc and lashed out at everyone in his path!

  11. Agreed. No emotion in business. Like when you identify a “Superior” for what they truly are. Note their behaviours but more importantly their aspirations. Feed their sense of power while documenting their incidences of impropriety complete with names and dates. This is not difficult due to their sense of entitlement and omnipotence. Leave well enough alone until they dare to affect you in a negative way. You cannot provide evidence to a Narc but it can be provided to those who have more stake in the reputation of their business and a deep pool of his brethren (who have no allegiance to him) with which to replace him. And so a battle ensues and of course a Narc will not accept boundaries so he breaks the condition that we are not to have direct contact until this “situation” is resolved. A lovely conversation and more evidence presented. Fury unleashed. Numerous meetings held. A transfer suggested and affected. He breaks boundaries once again to present himself in person. Says he has “decided to accept a better position eleswhere” and extends his hand. I leave it there and say: you were a worthy adversary-until you were not. Truthfully-I miss him. No emotion in business. Agreed.

    1. Last Narc I was with denied all evidence even though it stared him, and everyone, directly in the face 👧🏽👴👮🏻‍♀️💂🏻👩🏼‍🌾👨🏼‍🍳

  12. Hi HG,

    I have a question I would really appreciate if you could answer. I am having trouble getting over a narcissist because I feel certain that he had real feelings for me. Rather than being consistent, his narcissism seemed to be something he could turn off and on by choice. Sometimes he seemed soulless, sometimes he truly seemed human. For example, I was able to get him to apologize to me on several occasions. He also once genuinely warned me, “Don’t be with me, just have fun with me.” I am sure that he was a greater elite narcissist and completely aware of what he was doing. But the fact is that he appeared to care for me. Is this even possible? Is there anything you can say to help me be confident that he was not worth my time?

    Thank you very much.

    1. Hello JW your position and confusion is understandable because it is a natural consequence of the entanglement with us and also it is engineered. Those apologies are done to secure what we want – control and fuel and they are not sincere. He “appeared to care for you” is the key. It is all about appearance. I know how to care for somebody, I am intelligent enough to recognise what is required but I feel no need to do it, it is not natural, I only give the appearance of caring in order to gain fuel or achieve some other aim. He did not turn off his narcissism, he masked it from you through fakery.

      He was not worth your time because it was all lies, illusion and fabrication to get what he wanted and keep you under his control. Keep reading here and you will learn the brutal truth.

      1. Thank you. Your candor is appreciated. Little HG deserved better. I wish I had been your mommy or babysitter, I would have sorted things out. (That’s what I’ve always wanted to say to my narc lol but have established firm no contact. So I’m putting it out here in the ether for all narcs). I pray that you find your way back to a place where it feels safe to be vulnerable… Everyone deserves to feel safe to be who they are… Good luck to you

      1. Awwe, ❤️ thank you, Joellewilder; that makes me feel better 😊. Thank you. I am very sensitive. It just hurts me when people hate me so much 😔, even if there’s no reason. Brings back childhood memories, I guess. I cannot fathom why he hates me so much, but perhaps I should take it as a compliment? Maybe if he were to even kill me, then it would be proof he was close to “liking” me? I do not wish for him to kill me, though. I do not even wish for him to come over to my side of the same continent. But still, HE NEED NOT FREAKIN’ HATE ME!!!!! But, if he does, I shall take it as a compliment, now 😊😊😊. Thank you, Joellewilder ❤️❤️❤️!!! Possibly I bore him, so he “nothing” me. It’s okay, cuz if he’s gonna “nothing” me, I’m gonna “NOTHING” him EVEN MORE!!!!!

  13. Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the hood and along came a big, bad wolf 🐺 and sat down beside her, and scared 😳 poor Lil Miss Red Riding Hood away. But, Mean Ole’ Wolf 🐺 caught her, and then plunged his sharp canines into her, and ate her all up. He blamed her for giving him ❤️ heartburn. It figures. The wolf 🐺 was a Narc, you see. The unscrupulous wolf 🐺 tried to sue the dead Miss Lil Red Riding Hood, and Won. It figures. The wolf 🐺 was a Narc, you see.

  14. Don`t you all know, that, when a psychopath found his career in a company, first the company starts to have great success and then usually looses profit at maximum. This extreme change is very often the first hint, that there is a psychopath on board. They exaggerate their capabilities, bully out the best employees, delete good partnerships of companies and so on. When they are discovered, normally the damage is done and they go to another company and begin the same game. And they always still believe, they are the best. Oh, sorry that are the narcissists. I was told that a Narcissist is the first one who is fooled by a psychopath. It is easy for a psychopath to do it. What a luck for you, H.G. that you are of both kind!

    1. Mona you know what you are talking about and you are absolutely correct. I have asked NA for some advice, on a matter about this subject, would appreciate a reply from either of you when you are available, thanks 🙂

  15. A Narc make decisions? LOL that would be a miracle. This scenario would not work.
    Many years ago, I worked for a Narc in a sales position. He was the ‘director’ but his daddy needed to be there to hold his hand (as Narcs always need Controllers). As I have had years of experience with a range of Antisocial, dysfunctional, cognitively challenged ‘humans’ like Narcs, he was aware that I knew what he was, and hated me for it.
    The first 2 years I worked hard, but noticed the Narc was skimming off my commission. I said nothing. For 2 years, I was the top sales person- making more money for them, than the other 4 sales-persons and the manager combined, while the Narc spent his work days learning magic tricks on the internet, and complying with his Controllers rules.
    The more sales I made, the more abusive the Narc became towards me, as well as to the other sales staff. So what did this group of “empaths’ do? Well, we formed our own side-line businesses. Two of the sales people went into selling the same products and using the companies vehicles to deliver the goods. The other 2 sales people formed another business, and I went on to sell my own products during the working hours, making a good profit out of it.
    It took the Narc and his Controller almost 3 years to figure out that some of his sales staff were not bothering to make money any longer for them, but rather for themselves. By then, I was on my way to financial and emotional freedom from them. I left, and wrote a nice letter to Daddy Controller about the behavior of his Narc son, and how he spent his office hours learning magic tricks- the Narc was then fired from his position.
    Never underestimate the power of normal people. We can do far more damage to a Narc, because a Narc does not live in reality-it is a fantasy world that allows the normal person the freedom to plan ahead.

    NARCISSIM, THE INFERIORITY COMPLEX, with delusions of grandeur


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