Smiling Assassin



We are masters of the back-handed compliment, the flattery which is actually a form of provocation, the kings of seemingly pleasant comments which are really put downs. We appear with that radiant and broad smile as we then slip a stiletto knife between your ribs with deft ease. Nobody else sees us do this. It appears to everyone else, as we stand there with our false smile plastered across our faces, that we are giving you a loving hug. Our outside appearance to the world and the maintenance of our façade remains intact as we slip through your defences and land a blow against you. We revel in seeing you smiling in return, your eyes lighting up with delight at our benign manner towards you only then for you to realise the import of what we have actually said. As the metaphorical dagger pierces your skin, you realise that is actually meant by what we have said to you. It appeared as a compliment but in actual fact we have told you something which will trouble you, upset you or anger you. Your eyes narrow with confusion and we see that look of uncertainty cross your face as you cannot quite believe what is happening. Did you hear what we said correctly? Have you misinterpreted the comment that we made? Did we really just say that? We can see how you are torn between wanting to accept the supposed compliment and then that sinking sensation as you realise that we have just made a barbed comment which appeared to be a pleasant one. The look on your face is akin to the look of bewildered astonishment that one might see on a wildebeest as it is brought to ground by a hungry lion and is eaten alive from behind. It cannot quite comprehend what is happening and neither can you.

What makes it worse is that to everyone else we appear to smiling, hugging you and being pleasant. You want to react. You want to push us away from you. You want to chastise us, lash out and reprimand us for what we have just said, but the way that we framed this back-handed compliment means that you would appear mean, ungrateful and churlish if you did so. Just as we remain close to you, holding you, dagger still lodged between your ribs as we slowly twist it, you can do nothing but remain where you are as everyone else looks on thinking that we are being pleasant to you. We know that because you are a decent and pleasant person you are conditioned to accept the compliment and not rail against it, even when you realise that it is actually hurtful. This allows us to see just how strong our control over you is. If you react to the barbed comment and lash out at us, crying or shouting at us for our remark, then we gain fuel. If you remain silent and confused by it, unable to mask your hurt and disappointment, we still gain fuel but we also derive a significant indication of our power over you. We are able to make a hurtful remark seem like a compliment and have you accept it. This is a useful way for us to put you down whilst appearing to be pleasant. It also allows us to reinforce our perceived superiority over you through the application of this control. This technique also utilises our favoured mechanism of plausible deniability. There is a degree of ambiguity whereby if you attempted to pin the blame on us for precisely what we have intended to say, we would be able to reject that assertion. We are able to accuse you of reading too much into it, twisting our words and over-reacting. All favourite methods of rejecting you intended blame and of stoking the emotional fires further. We can feign hurt by stating we were paying you a compliment and you have taken it the wrong way. Again. We then want you to apologise, soothe us and feel guilty for trying to suggest that we would do anything other than be pleasant to you. Of course, this technique where we come with smiles as we plunge our critical knife into you, is one which we revel in deploying and is just part of our arsenal that is designed to mess with your thinking. Did we say what you thought we said? What did we really mean from that comment? Are you in fact over-analysing it or should you trust your initial judgement here? All of these factors unsettle, confuse and undermine you, eroding your confidence and clouding your judgement. It is all par the course and entirely why we behave as smiling assassins. There are numerous ways this is done and here are seven of the often used back-handed provocations.

  1. Condescend

We will talk to you in a condescending tone for the purposes of belittling you, making you feel inferior and causing us to look far better by comparison. We offer unwanted advice, talk to you from the position of always knowing what is right and what is best. Of course, should you challenge this overly paternalistic approach to the way we deal with you we will point out that we only want what is best for you, that we are only trying to help you and do have your best interests at heart. Is it a crime to do that for you?

  1. Insider Jokes

We will engage in making comments which cause members of our devout coterie to laugh and giggle but you are left in the dark as to what is so funny. We will use terms that amuse us and our followers considerably but seem meaningless to you. This will make you feel uncomfortable and isolated and if you should commence some kind of protest we will point out that we have not involved you because you would be bored by the silliness (thus inferring you have no sense of humour but making it seem as if you are above our schoolboy sniggering and this is a good thing) or that you would not be interested in our style of humour because you are too highbrow for such base comments and observations.

  1. Our Ex

We will repeatedly mention that our ex is still in love with us, indeed he or she still tries to contact us and they leave messages and have telephoned us a few times. Of course we tell you that you have no need to worry because that was in the past and we are with you now, you are the person that matters. This is designed to make it appear like we can brush aside the presence of our ex because we are in love with you. In fact, although it sounds like this, we use it as a means of securing carte blanche for mentioning the ex on many occasions so it unsettles you. Of course you are hamstrung from saying anything because that would make you seem insecure and you do not want to show that this is true. Thus we feel free to keep making mention of our ex and continue to triangulate them with you.

  1. Ignoring You

We ignore you and dole out a silent treatment with all of the fuel providing and control ramification which arise from this particular manipulation. Should you even begin to protest we point out that we are so glad we are with you because you understand our need for space and some time to ourselves. This appears like a compliment and is designed to flatter you into allowing us to keep doling out these silent treatments as and when we want in order to ignore you because we can then focus on gaining fuel from other parties when we are apart from you.

  1. The Ex Again

We talk incessantly about the qualities of the ex, highlighting all of their many wonderful attributes (which of course is a sudden change from when we were calling them demon spawn when we first seduced you but that’s all changed now). We babble on about how marvellous they are, the funny things they said, how beautiful they looked, the achievements they secured and so on before telling you that we are so pleased that you are so understanding that we can talk about past relationships with you. This supposed compliment restricts you from commenting adversely but we know that inside you are fuming and desperate to reprimand us in some way. How we delight in knowing this and seeing your trying to maintain a pleasant smile when inside we know you are dying.

  1. Flirtation

We flirt shamelessly and we know you see us doing this. We also know how it hurts and angers you but we fire a compliment your way by telling you that it is refreshing to be with someone who allows us to be ourselves, someone who is not jealous and someone who is so trusting. These compliments are designed to keep you quiet as we get on with doing what we please. We draw fuel from those we flirt with and all the while we keep casting backward glances to the trusting you seeing the gathering anger in your eyes.

  1. Spending Time with Others

We spend time with other people. It may be chatting someone up in the bar, hanging out with our friends, chasing down new prospects, wowing the crowd at a work function and so on. This blatant fuel-gathering is crucial to us and when we wander in later after our third consecutive night out we head you off at the pass by praising you by saying how lucky we are to have someone who understands that because they get all of our attention most of the time, we need to be able to spend some time with other people. Once again, this comment is designed to back you into a corner and have you standing, arms crossed and fuming, teetering between our control and providing us with even more fuel.

36 thoughts on “Smiling Assassin

  1. Wow I’ve had a recent flurry of these, all female (platonic) and all varying in their intelligence and skills.

    I’ve played them all at their own game (thanks HG), but new Ns just keep coming!

    Successfully seen off the last one (for now).

    I actually feel like I’m living in a world of space invaders at the moment.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Relentless aren’t we?

      1. You’re not bloody wrong HG! I’ve been plagued by the female ones all my life. Other than the recent MN, I’ve never really been too troubled by the male ones. But the females completely Infiltrated my entire life. I’m battering them away now though!!

  2. bananasareberries1 says:

    Bloody Elemental, I do not get that sexual fascination with the narcs (HG Tudor or not). Reminds me the phenomenon of women who date death-row prisoners…I certainly understand that women can find the fictional or non-fictional bad-boy characters attractive. But narc are not bad-boys. They are destroyers of light, hope and lives. Going voluntarily into any sort of relationship with them is a pure masochism. Sure, if anybody enjoys BDSM, just go for it 😛

    1. Love says:

      Banana, Mr. Tudor wrote a fascinating article that narcs are actually NOT sadists:
      Much to my disappointment 😉

      1. bananasareberries1 says:

        Haha. I love that remark and thanks for the link.

  3. #4 – the silences. The maximum was usually 3-6 days. He would call.

  4. Bloody Elemental says:

    All I can say is, “Try getting a reservation at Dorsia now you fucking stupid bastard.”

    HG understands.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Damn fucking right I do.

      1. Bloody Elemental says:

        That is all that matters to me.

        1. NarcAngel says:


          Haven’t watched that in awhile. Thanks for the reminder. I was mesmerized the 1st time and others wanted to turn it off.

      2. Bloody Elemental says:

        Of course you were, NarcAngel.

        Christian Bale is stunning.

        I would hold his nail gun any day.

        1. HG Tudor says:


          1. Bloody Elemental says:

            Come now, Finbarr.

            He is stunning, but he not The King.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Ha ha, you picked up on Finbarr, brilliant.

          3. Bloody Elemental says:

            You cannot be surprised.

          4. HG Tudor says:


          5. Bloody Elemental says:

            And anyway, HG. I much prefer your nail gun to his because his is fictional.

            Yours is the real deal.

            Let me pull your trigger, so I can revel in the chaos.

          6. HG Tudor says:


  5. NarcAngel says:

    Re: The Ex

    (Smiling) She sounds wonderful! The whole package she is. (Now with a pitying and concerned look). So it was YOU then that was the problem in the relationship? You could not live up to her?

  6. Love says:

    Everyone is being mean to Mr. Tudor 😞

    1. Matilda says:

      We need to learn how to be mean, Love, for the protection of ourselves and others. If kindness is mistaken for weakness, exploited and ridiculed, we need to embrace our dark side and be warriors, at least for a while.

      Has anyone seen ‘Fried Green Tomatoes’? The awakening of Evelyn… a good depiction of seizing the power. TOWANDA!! 😀


      1. Love says:

        Thank you for sharing Matilda! I enjoyed watching it!

      2. Matilda says:

        You’re welcome, Love! 🙂

    2. Indy says:

      We are not being mean to Mr. T, we are showing him our claws and teeth that he has helped us sharpen. He is weaponizing us. Think of it like this, we are a group of lionesses, with big claws (sharpening with emery boards) and shiny canines. Mr. T is the “king lion”, laying back, enjoying our kills. LOL **hands a gazelle narc over to the group**…tastes like a lesser.

      1. Love says:

        Lol I gotcha Indy. The lionesses are the hunters anyway. The male lion babysits the cubs (probably just washes his mane) while the females are off doing liony things.

        1. Indy says:

          Yes! Except one thing. Do not let them babysit! They sometimes eat their young! See how good of an example it is LOL

      2. Love says:

        Lol those cannibals!

  7. jarwithaheavylid says:

    I’d like it if you could write more on ‘couching’ – not much is written about it. Richard Grandon talks about it in one of his videos on YouTube, and Inner Integration on YouTube names the act as couching (like wrapping a turd in golden paper) – it looks great but it really stinks. There is only one other video about it. It’s a way of slowly beating somebody to death but telling them it’s love so in the end, the abuse is love. I hope you know what I mean here.

  8. Laurie says:

    HG, what IS the best response when one is taken off guard by a soul sniper : blank face or verbal whack on the snout?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Blank face, if you can do it. It is tough when you are taken off guard. A verbal whack is fuel. You may be better served by walking away.

      1. Indy says:

        Agreed totally, that is why no contact is my saving grace. My ex could get me going. He was a good one at getting my ire up.

  9. AH OH says:

    Come close……closer…..a bit closer, I need to whisper in your ear.

    Intoxicating fuel.

    I feel the knife slide in and them move up and twist. It takes my breath away.

    Let me breath.

  10. WideAwake says:

    Response #1. ” Mr. Tudor, how condescending of you! ” while tossing you a wink and moving away from you then busying myself with something, or preferably someone, more important
    Response #2. Upon realization, Excusing myself abruptly, and again going to find someone more important to talk with
    Response #3 ” That is so interesting! My ex has been calling a lot too! Don’t worry though his penis is only a little bit bigger than yours!” Then walk away tossing you a wink so that you know–that I know…
    Response #4 Ask you what is wrong only once and then get myself busy with more important things like that handsome wealthy young stud at the gym
    Response #5 ” Did I ever mention to you that my ex was a insatiable sex God with an unlimited capacity to please me over and over? Oh yeah! He bought me a car, a house, took me on glorious excursions! The man is a master at investment & finance. A real Dynamo that one! 😉
    Response # 6 ” Honey it’s so refreshing you feel that way because I like being myself too” as I head looking for a better prospect 😉
    Response #7 I’m to busy socializing to notice 😉

    1. Indy says:

      Hi WideAwake,
      That was funny and very good! Especially finding someone worth your time.
      I am at the point where I would see the signs above, ignore with a chuckle and an eye roll, turn on my heels and never pick up their calls again. No words. Once words are involved, the word masters (narcicists) come into play and then I’m ready to spill fuel. I’m better with the ice treatment until I can control my fuel supply better lol

  11. Matilda says:

    “…we know that inside you are fuming and desperate to reprimand us in some way. How we delight in knowing this and seeing your trying to maintain a pleasant smile…”

    Wrong. I would give the death stare, and in my mind take note of every transgression, watching it all for a while with regard to severity and frequency – one would not want jump to conclusions in such grave matters… once the situation is clear, and a decision is made, it will be acted upon. With a smile 🙂

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