The Narcissistic Truths – No.129

i-hate-tothink-youcansurvivewithoutme

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55 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No.129”

  1. Well if you would just let us love you then we wouldn’t have to leave.

    I would have never left and hate that I’m still having bad days and she is surviving just fine. I wanted her in my life forever.

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    1. Hi Snow,
      Yeah those bad days, I know. Mine are happening less and less thank goodness. I remind myself that as we are getting closer to being healthier, the likelihood our exes will repeat the same painful abusive dance with another is highly likely.
      It’s sad, indeed. And, we are out and healing.
      Hugs birthday girl.๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‚ Mine is next week ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿธ
      Hugs

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      1. I guess I should be happy that mine have decreased too. I just am surprised that at this point I am still missing her. Ugh!!!

        And mine will absolutely repeat her behaviors the rest of her life. I often think about her wife now and how she passed her “tests”. She allowed her to have another woman and that will be her life from now on. Many many others.

        I hope you have a spicy birthday Indy! ๐ŸŽ‚๐ŸŽ‰
        I just saw that Madonna will be at your march. Wow!!!!!
        So many people will be there. You will have amazing stories to tell.

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      2. Snow, it’s totally normal to miss her. Im guessing those times were adventurous, passionate and intense. When compared to everyday life, it’s got a strong pull! Especially if your marriage doesn’t have this as much now, do to all the stresses in life and longevity. Plus, didn’t you say your husband is in alcohol recovery? That is hard stuff emotionally to work through for you both as a couple. There are so many things that make it hard and can leave partners feeling emotionally spent. Trust too, goodness, I remember all those trust battles in my head (did he drink, will he drink, is he lying, etc). They become the focus and we get lost…..very much like another type of relationship (hint, hint).

        I’m sending you warm loving vibes, Snow. I hope you do something just for you this month. I’ll report back on our road trip and march. It’s gonna be memorable, just hoping it’s safe too.

        โค๏ธ๐ŸŽโค๏ธ๏ธ๐ŸŽ

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      3. Hi Indy,
        Lost is a good word. I found myself lost in both relationships.
        My ex showed up at the prime time. My daughter was involved in everything and my son was finally at a point where things were getting easier with him. I found myself having the time to go out with people like I never had before. I tasted freedom!!! Lol
        That’s why when my family questioned me being consumed with this friendship I just told them they were jealous and they were just used to me doing every little thing for them for 18 years.
        Then of course it spiraled out of control.
        I miss the friendship the most and wished it would have stayed that way but now I know that it was never her intention to be just friends. She even sent me a quote that said that.
        Thanks for all the good vibes Indy.
        I am sitting by the pool with a drink.
        โค๏ธโค๏ธโค๏ธโค๏ธ

        And we call it pop here but anytime we were in the New England states they said soda. I couldn’t believe it when I visited Atlanta and saw Coke everywhere. If I drink a pop I prefer Pepsi.

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      4. And in one week I’ll be flying right over them and I don’t want to be shot down.

        It’s the same way when they get you inside Disney World. All Coke products. Good thing I drink a lot of water.

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      5. Toasts to you in Florida! Facing south.
        All true New Englanders prefer Pepsi. I actually hate both Coke and Pepsi ๐Ÿ˜‚ I’m a Verner’s Ginger Ale.

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  2. First thought is that we can survive without you in spite of the word salad you toss us in the attempts to make us think otherwise. I hate it bc I am missing out on the non abusive times. It is a real conundrum…I still breathe. On the other hand living and surviving are two different things. We have our survival instincts. Living is where we thrive.

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    1. Hi 1Jaded1,
      You are getting closer and closer to thriving…I don’t know why, just a vibe I get from you. Hang in there and hope you are doing well ๐Ÿ’™

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      1. Thank you, Indy. I hope your vibe is correct. 2016 was truly a year of survival. Over the holidays there were times when I didn’t even get out of bed. On 12.30, I made myself get out into the world. I renewed my place, bought a car (finally) and even some clothes. On 12.31, I had a quiet NYE. Restored the auburn in my hair etc. N2 didn’t contact me for Christmas or NY. Yay. Then just days into the NY, someone close to me died. She was in our age bracket. I felt numb when I received the news. Three people rang me up to see how I was doing and two more later in the week. I felt humbled bc they didn’t want me to hear it from an email (I recently changed roles and moved to a new location). Now, I need to decide how I’m going to approach it. Survival mode is crushing and I’m sick of it. I did it in my childhood and most of 2016. I’m trying to focus on living and someday even thriving.

        Thank you for listening, Indy. How are you doing today?

        Thank you, HG…for your blog.

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      2. Awww 1Jaded1, I’m so sorry for your loss and your long haul (hugssss) depression is a beast and healing is no easy path. Let’s kick 2016 around and squash it like an empty soda can, stamping hard in mine!!! Damn 2016!! I’m proud of you that you got out of your bed, no small victory when depressed. And so many new beginnings for you too, opening doors of new opportunities! I love that you got that red back!! Sounds very symbolic! I cut my hair several inches, sage my home, throw out and purge my stuff when going through a rebirth and new beginnings. Here’s to us having a much better 2017 and may your friend be in peace โ˜ฏ๏ธโ˜ฎ๏ธโœŠ๐Ÿผ

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      3. In the Atlanta area, all soda is coke. I could never get used to it. Pop is something my ex-husband used.

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      4. You’re welcome. You can test soda pop from all over the world that is sold by coke. It’s the center of all hyperactive 6 year olds!

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      5. Vernors is yum. It turned 150 years old last year and a toast was organized for Guiness Book of World Records. I would much rather have it than Coke or Pepsi. I think Aquafina might be PepsiCo’s claim to bottled water. I’d have to look it up as well as the source of the water.

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  3. Yes – I’m in no contact but always think of sending postcards with our (my son and my) happiness. Just to rub it in while he plays unhappy families with his existing image only family. Like the Christmas photo I ‘accidentally’ sent. (He paid – a week late and $400 less). I think he’s stealing that from his wife, anyway.

    Freedom!

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  4. At one point, I was unable to see the absolute cluster f#%^ that was my life. This site, HG”s YouTube site (call out to you first HG!!) and binge watching showtime’s “Shameless” (OMG Frank Gallagher is the epitome of the lesser narcissist) has been an eye opener. I find that as I become more aware of the cold hard truth, my desire to “settle” has diminished greatly..I deserve real love and all that comes with it…we all do (that includes you too HG).

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  5. The best punishment for a narc is to never contact them again and basically pretend that they cease to exist…it will eat them up inside. I’m doing just fine, it was my ex husband’s new source that decided to contact me the other week. Trouble in paradise, I suppose! ๐Ÿ˜‰

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  6. Hi Jaded!
    I’m sorry about the person you lost. It’s bad enough trying to get out of bed on bad days but it makes it unbearable when you add a loss to your life. I know how it feels to not want to move. I’ve spent many days in this past year laying around my house doing nothing. I had zero motivation and zero reason to do so.
    I bet your hair is beautiful!!! Doing anything with my looks always helps me. I never lost the self care habit. Lol
    You should congratulate yourself on all the new things that you accomplished in those weeks. Sometimes one thing is a great feat.

    My therapist is trying to see what is going to get me moving in 2017 and what self goals I have. I’m still in a cranky ass mood about life and don’t want to think about it.
    Anytime you want to vent I will listen Jaded.
    I’m hoping Indy’s vibes have some special power for us.
    Sending you hugsโค๏ธ๐ŸŽโค๏ธ

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    1. Awww we all can make a vibe bath ๐Ÿ˜Š For each other! I’m cranky too, it’s been my mode lately. I hide it but it’s just under the surface. Anger is a good sign I hear! It means we are moving beyond depression and getting motivated to do something. Key is to find out what our focus will be. One of the positive aspects of anger is that it is an excellent fuel for motivating action. Depression, can sap us of that needed fuel. Finding that anger is a good sign.

      Use that fire ladies โค๏ธ

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      1. Hey Indy, you described my state of mind perfectly. I was just describing it to Jaded.
        Even when I’m smiling the anger is close but I hide it too!
        The focus is what my therapist wants to discuss and that’s my homework. No homework on the beach though. Lol
        I really don’t know where to go from here but at least I’m going forward and not backwards.
        I’ll find the fire Indy!!! It’s somewhere! Lol

        Raising my glass to you!!!!๐ŸŒด๐Ÿน
        R u taking a bus to the march?

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      2. INDY
        Ba haha now youre into vibe parties and baths. With other women no less. Is it BYOV?

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      3. That’s the best way Indy!!!

        NA,
        That comment cracked me up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

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    2. Thank you Snow White. A sucky start. A vibe party or bath sounds calming. The last. 2 months seemed to push me in so many new directions. It’s almost like I was guided (kicked in the ass) and going to do it whether i wanted to or not. If someone told me I’d be here in a year, I would have said NFW. I surely wasn’t putting a ton of effort. We’ll see how it goes. I allowed myself to be so angry about so many things…and plus the hoovers, but I found HG, lol. 2016 was the year of my anger, but the crush was also prevalent bc I felt attacked and that was triggering. We’ll see.

      Its aok to be cranky. You will work it out. You have worked out a ton already. Do what feels right to you. If that means setting goals..do it. If you aren’t ready, you aren’t ready. You are already making progress. You have achieved so many benchmarks. FFS…you are on vacation as we type this. ๐Ÿ™‚ Hope you are relaxing.

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      1. Aw thank you. Yes, I suspect we all have made it through several road blocks alive and kicking!

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      2. Jaded oooohhhhh!!!!
        Vibe parties and baths!!! Sounds great!

        Some days effort is a problem and I don’t want to do it. But I’m hoping that the crankiness turns into some kind of happiness in 2017. At least I’m not sitting around crying every single day like I was. Just part of the grief cycle I guess.

        We have both figured out sooo much. This blog continues to be my main source for answers and my sanity. Lol
        (Thanks HG )
        Thanks, I am relaxing but still not making eye contact or talking to anyone. Doesn’t matter if it’s sun or snow I still don’t trust anyone. Some guy made a comment to me on the beach and I just gave him the stare.

        Hope you had a good day๐Ÿ˜Š

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  7. Hi Snow,
    No homework on the beach!! Yes, learning how to relax is important too ๐Ÿ™‚ I am slowly getting comfortable with expressing anger. It is still a hard thing for me. I either hide it or blow or get really annoyingly irritable. Healthy expression of assertive anger is my goal.

    We are driving up in a van, me and four women and a dog.
    We are driving up Thursday night, camping out in cabins outside of DC and doing the tour thing before and after the march. Might hit the Spy museum ๐Ÿ™‚

    Cheers girl!

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    1. I bet you are packing as I’m typing Indy!!!

      I am wishing you safe travels and a whole lot of fun!!!
      It sounds like an experience of a lifetime.

      I’m getting in my jacuzzi bath with some changing lights.๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’›โค๏ธ
      Thinking of a vibe party. Lol

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      1. Thank you Snow,
        Just made it home. An experience of a lifetime. I’m safe, inspired, humbled, and fierce.

        Hoping you are well and your trip was wonderful.

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      2. Good morning Indy,
        Glad to see you made it back safe and sound and with a new name. ๐Ÿ˜‚
        I watched some of it and it looked like an amazing place to be. I bet you met some great women.

        I just got back myself. I did relax in the sun but came back to clouds and rain.

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      3. Hi Snow!
        Yeah, I found that if I have a WP account I can like comments now ๐Ÿ˜Š. I lost Indy when I named my account indiglowsky.

        I’m glad you go some sun and relaxation! I did meet some amazing people at the march and was hit on by a woman and flirted with by two men. It was fun, though still not ready to dive into dating yet. Getting there though ๐Ÿ˜Š
        Still looking for my artical on microexpressions ๐Ÿ˜‰ and those books to come. Lol

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      4. Hi Indy,
        I will have to make an account then. Didn’t know that’s what would do it. I am technologically illiterate. I was proud of myself for signing up to this blog and figuring out how it worked. Lol

        That’s exciting when affection and interest comes you’re way!!!! High fives to you. I bet it made you feel good even if you don’t want anything right now. You deserve some fun. A date might be just around the corner ๐Ÿ˜‰โค๏ธ

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      5. Yes, Snow, it did feel nice to get some flirtation from men in uniform (another weakness of mine, smart uniformed men). DC was full of military on inauguration day, more so than typical for an inauguration day(more than Bush and Obama did, so I hear from a colleague of mine that lived in DC during both elections). Many of the streets were closed with military armored vehicles, cement trucks, buses, and lots of emergency vehicles. It felt like a police state on Friday. The day of the march, Saturday, hardly any were around. It was a fascinating contrast. Everyone was just wonderful, both days. Lots of love and support and women power. The men protecting the city as well as the marchers were supportive. Friday was a different story though…I was not part of those protests.

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      6. Thanks for sharing your march experience Indy!!!
        I felt like I was there.
        I’m glad to hear that the city was full of support and love for all the women out there.
        Very empowering to know that others are out there speaking out about what they believe in.

        And all the men in uniforms just added to the atmosphere. Lol.
        Now we are both back to reality. ๐Ÿ˜ซ

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      7. Hi Snow,
        You were, in spirit!
        We truly are marching for all women, even those that think that they do not need their rights protected. Sure, the rights are not gone now, but the clear threat is there, particularly defunding Planned Parenthood.

        It is only a beginning of the resistance to being gaslit by the administration.

        There is a science march on Washington (and in major cities) coming up soon, protesting the social media and press communication gag on the EPA and Department of Interior and Department of Agriculture as well as the elimination of the recognition of climate change on the Washington webpage. Various communications have already been shut down. Freedom of the press and Freedom of speech is the first to be impacted in a progressive shift toward an authoritarian regime. We are going fight every step of the way. There is going to be a lot of political action. My hope is for the continued peaceful action, like that of the Women’s March. Don’t piss off the smartest people in the country, especially the micro-biologists and physicists! LOL

        On an added note, it will be like a candy story for Ms. Indy here….brainiacs galore (yum!)

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      8. I love being with you in spirit Indy!
        I’m thinking that are views are one in the same. You did a lot of good at your march.

        You should start earning patches for the matches you attend. Reminds me of my Girl Scout days. Lol.. I enjoyed working with the girls on self esteem and topics that they should be passionate about. They are all 20 now and can’t wait to see what some of them will do.

        By March you might want to take a bite in the candy store Indy! ๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿญ๐Ÿฌ

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  8. Hi Snow,
    Thank you for the smile and sending hugs your way. I suspect we are very like minded. It’s become more than marching. Lots of learning on my end how to engage in political discourse and effect change. I knew the new administration would conflict with a lot of my values but so didn’t the Bush era. I could and did deal with that. This is far different and I’d pray for a sane republican over the populous isolationist leader we have now. Not only is he putting our country at greater risk through inducing chaos (yup a narc tactic), he is too impulsive and authoritarian. It is not America first, it’s Trump first. (Surprise surprise, malignant narcissist in chief). Why is Saudi Arabia ok but Syria is not? Oh yeah, Trump connection in business, lining his pockets. Press the opposition? Threats to civil rights? “Past is Prologue”. This is beyond republican-democrat. This is a fight for our country. Canada is looking damn good right now. Their values promoted by Canada are more in line with mine now. Sadly, I am ashamed of my counties leaders. F-&ok alternative facts!! Can someone say gaslit?
    Trump has your playbook, HG! And you taught me well, warrioress here now!

    How do you go no contact with the POTUS? Especially when there is international hoovering.

    In the darkness, the seeds of goodness push through the dark mud and grow!

    Perhaps I will find a scientist at the candy shop that will bring me in his time machine to an alternate universe.

    โค๏ธ๐Ÿ’‹๐ŸŽ to you Snow.

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  9. do most narsassists have psychic abilities, or some varying form of a “sixth sense” which is what keeps the empath connected psychicly to them even if there is no contact?

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    1. I do not know if there is a psychic link. There are two main links between narcissist and empath

      1. The illusion created by us which mirrors what the empath wants, thus attracting them and keeping them attracted;
      2. A mutuality of need.

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