Better Than The Rest

better

 

We regard ourselves as superior. Even a Victim Narcissist has a superior view of himself, he is special because of his illness and infirmity and this means that he should be treated better than everybody else. The Somatic Narcissist is better looking, physically fitter and has a tighter bottom than anyone else. The Cerebral Narcissist is cleverer, more intellectual, a brilliant advocate and has a brain the size of a planet and as for the Elite of us, well not only do we look great we are dazzling, witty, entertaining and knowledgeable, superior in every department to the likes of you. This lofty sense of ourselves is apparent all the time because we feel no need to hide our light under a bushel. Oh, we may attach some false modesty to some of our brags and boasts but it is only done to generate an ever more appreciative response from people around us. We like to remind people about our superiority repeatedly. It appears during seduction but you will naturally regard it as an attractive quality then, labelling it as confidence, a dynamic approach, someone who shows no fear and gets things done, an achiever, somebody successful and who doesn’t want to be associated with such a person. Accordingly, our superiority will be exhibited in plain sight but portrayed as good thing. It continues during devaluation as we repeatedly remind you that we are the master, you are the servant, we are in charge and you are not, we do and you are done to. Even when we hoover you we remain superior because someone who wants you back after the way you have behaved or someone who (falsely) recognises their own shortcomings must surely be superior mustn’t they? The unleashed smear campaign is another piece of our superiority. We are not smeared are we? We are impervious to it, nobody would dare do it and if they tried nobody would believe them because our innate superiority embodied in the façade that we have created. Every single step of your dance with our kind exudes our superiority. It is felt, seen, heard and witnessed, from the way we behave with you through to the way that we behave with others. It is natural to us and therefore should be expected. It is also necessary. If we are not superior to you, we cannot be in control. If we are not in control, then how can we keep you providing us with fuel? Our superiority is necessary. Our superiority is always evident. Here are twenty ways in which we demonstrate our superiority through the things we say.

  1. I don’t do domesticated
  2. I would never shop there. It is for the great unwashed.
  3. I wouldn’t expect you to understand what I am saying but you could at least try.
  4. Someone has to lead, someone has to make decisions.
  5. Don’t expect me to do something like that.
  6. Don’t be sorry, be accurate. Like me.
  7. I don’t have time for this.
  8. That isn’t something I would ever be found doing.
  9. People like me are above things like that.
  10. Yes, well it is about your level isn’t it?
  11. Don’t worry about it, how would you ever know that?
  12. These things are best left to people like me.
  13. It can be tough at the top you know.
  14. I don’t shovel shit.
  15. Do I look like a cleaner to you?
  16. I have more important things to do.
  17. This is minutiae and beneath me.
  18. Come back when you earn as much as I do.
  19. Show me a good loser and I will show you a loser.
  20. Do you know who I am?
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41 thoughts on “Better Than The Rest”

  1. I am speechless! This is my ex. Every sentence, every word. Thank goodness out of this man’s control after 41 years! (he married his ex)

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  2. Yes, we know who you are. You are someone so deeply mired in your own shame that you are forced to paint a sparkly picture and flash it around wildly in order to distract others and, more importantly, yourself from the horror of it. Not so?

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  3. “So hard being perfect in an imperfect world.”
    That’s actually my own I would tell JN upon hearing too many of his superlatives.
    Feel free to borrow.

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  4. “… we are the master, you are the servant, we are in charge and you are not, we do and you are done to.”

    Wrong – wronger – wrongest! Wrong then – wrong now – wrong for all eternity! I rest my case.

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    1. But the RAGE comes when they find out they are not and their control not binding. The Narc said “I control all the shots.” No, you don’t. You control your little world and for a while, me. But I cluef in fast. You have me half blocked, I have you fully blocked. I know who you are and all your dirty little secrets. I know, and told you that you are a fraud. You will never get near me again. I may still auffer what happened, but you won’t ever see or feel my life again. Darn, sure makes me sound superior, doesnt it? Why do Narcs make us feel and sound like narcs? 🙁

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      1. That or you get to pretend you’re the victim. Case in point, this text the other day from JN in response to me asking to meet for final closure upon him reaching out and hoovering for 2 weeks:

        “I’m simply saying that after everything that’s happened, if there’s even one thing I do that doesn’t go your way, a horrible situation always occurs. I do not have the energy for any more of those episodes. I’ve had more than I’d care to have for the rest of my life. I can’t take that risk of any more of those. I just can’t, regardless of your intentions. It’s too much of a risk and not enough reward.”

        The boy can text all day long, endlessly, but ask him what is this amounting to and why is he reaching out and hey, let’s meet up and finally really clear the air, this is what I get.

        YOU REACHED OUT TO ME IN THE FIRST PLACE. I spent a year in therapy over this kind of gaslighting bs. He can’t risk any more episodes? OMG! I assure everyone here, he has been fine and dandy and living every moment the way he chooses. No suffering on his part whatsoever. If they were such traumatic episodes, why am I still hearing from him for 4 years now.

        Now I can sit back and see it for what it exactly is, and actually be amused by it. When I tire of his hoovering, all I have to do is ask to see him and this is what I get and he goes silent for a few weeks. We’ll see what the next Groundhog’s Day conversation looks like next month when he resurfaces.

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      2. Clarece, my ex used to say i’m being selfish if i don’t have my way. That is, if i want to see him once every two wks 😣
        This, supposedly to someone he claims to love! Lol! I can maybe laugh abt it now!

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      3. Ours seem to be cut from the same cloth. We could probably put their text messages side by side to us and they would be interchangeable.

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      4. Absolutely fair question, since I relay all JN updates here when they happen!
        After relearning a completely different mindset over a 17 month period now from HG, JN does still affect my moods but in a much different way. I have always been very interested in the chemical draw in this kind of relationship. Whenever I continue to hear from JN, yes, I can actually feel a gloating, gleeful surge go thru me instantly. Like “aha, nobody else’s fuel matches mine quite the same yet. Gotcha again!” lol When I interact with him, I watch closely to what he responds to, how he responds and he matches up frequently with how HG says his reactions would be. Whenever, JN feels like his control is slipping in a conversation, that is when I am doled out some kind of rejection. I know to expect it and that his thinking towards me has instantly gone from white (good) to black (bad) and that he must get some kind of chemical release at feeling like he’s one upped me again. But that is addictive to both sides. I’m still weaning off of that. Apparently he is too since he hoovers anywhere from 2 weeks to 6 weeks each time. I’m not devastated anymore when he slithers off. I don’t view it as something wrong with me anymore. I stay pretty consistent. He’s the one changing back and forth constantly so the issues are with him.
        I did unexpectedly fall crazy, mad in love with him in the beginning and I knew though because of the age gap it would always have an expiration date but I never imagined this would be the reason why.
        So, I allow myself to still love that illusion he provided because I really loved the person I was when it was good with him and I want that to exist again if it could. If that makes sense. He came on the heels of my divorce after 16 years of marriage and then having to eventually move out of my house that I loved with my daughter because it was getting too much to maintain on 1 income. So there was a lot of layers of grief going on and grief intensifies everything. For whatever reason, he was drawn to that darkness in me. I felt that, but I don’t know why yet. Eventually, knowing myself, I should grow bored with the hoovers and naturally just let it wane. No more harm to either side. (In MLA’s peaceful world). haha
        I hope that explains it.

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      5. Thx clarece for the explanation. My ex and i text also. But everyone here has been advising against it, so i stopped texting him. He still texts me though, but i reply without complete concentration on him. In the past, i would not dare go on other apps during a texting session, fearing him going offline. Now, i go on other apps all the time while texting, making him wait lol. Like you, he doesn’t upset me much anymore, after learning abt narcs from HG. Btw, have you ever thought of no contact?
        About the hormone fluctuations, I researched more about oxytocin levels than dopamine. They both play a function i believe.

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      6. Since last summer, whenever he drops off, I stay NC until he makes a move. That’s the best I can do for now. Getting to that point was hard enough. Lol

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      7. Tell me abt it! I’m the same. I noticed you are able to add ‘lol’ at the end which indicates you are healing. That’s the same with me. Now i can somewhat make light of possibly the most confused state i had ever been in. Are you sure our narcs are not the same person? 😂

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      8. Surrounded by this supportive crowd and HG’s advice, it’s a tremendous help and confidence booster.
        I swear, we could swipe phones and probably unemotionally text these guys and really throw them for a loop. We should call them Beavis and Butthead.

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    1. That was not my intention, NarcAngel! 😀 I like the word, it is my second favourite…. my number one word is: ‘NO’.

      I say them loudly, often, and with glee!! The more you practise the easier it gets… and when you have said ‘no’ to everything and everyone you don’t want, sit back and enjoy what is left in your life, because it will be all you want to say ‘YES’ to! 🙂

      This process would have been less exhausting however, if I had had less talking to do. How about implementing a referee style of communication? 😀 Instead of colour-coded cards, we could have cards with apt messages on them, such as ‘idiot’, ‘your fault’, ‘not sorry’, ‘no’, ‘wrong’, ‘liar’, ‘cheater’. Saves us the talking, robs them of fuel = we win! Though you needed to have the pepper spray handy in case the animal attacks! 😀

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      1. MATILDA

        Empath games! Such fun. I like the referee card idea. I think fun also would be Narc Jeopardy:

        Narc: You look fat in that dress!
        Contestant: Not caring for 200!!

        Narc: How stupid are you?!
        Contestant: Still here for 600!!

        Narc: Do you know who you’re talking to?!!
        Contestant: What is a horses ass for a 1000 Alex!

        And now for Double Narc Jeopardy…………
        For a lifetime supply of sanity, peace, self respect, and a shot at meeting someone who will treat you well…..

        Narc: You’re not happy? What are you going to do about it?
        Contestant: (holds up a sign that reads:) NO CONTACT for all the marbles Alex!!!!!!!

        Stunned silence. Shit eating grin removed from Narcs face. Contestant whisked away with much fanfare to waiting Limo to begin new life while Narc slinks back to bolthole.

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      2. Narc Jeopardy: good idea, NarcAngel! 😀

        Ha, dream on, HG! You are in the back of the limo because you are making sure the champagne is cooled properly and the hors d’oeuvre are presented nicely. You see her approach the limo and jump out in time. You greet her with a bow and open the car door for her, addressing her with the words, ‘I am your chauffeur for today, madam. I am at your command’. 😀

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  5. Mr. Tudor, there is something i want you to reflect your thoughts on. How can someone who consider him or herself superior and grandiose can shed tears. The narcissist i had in my life told me it is hard for him to watch a sad movie because if characters are crying i too shall start crying. i can’t stand the sight of crying people. i am too sensitive. When the father of my narc died he cried like hell. how it is possible? Are narcissist (those who are lesser or in mid range spectrum) capable of switching between narcissism and being normal and feeling sad a remorseful? i can’t relate it to anything?

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  6. Some of the things that was said to me that sounds similar to the comments above: I am different. You will never be able to understand me. If you want me you will call me. You can’t just do what you want. My way is the right way. There is no such thing as meeting each other halfway in a relationship since I lead and you follow. You should keep on doing what you want and see where that gets you. I make the rules around here. You just dont get it, you just can’t. Dont you know how to listen, you should go back to school so they can teach you. I shall not be confronted EVER.

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  7. All your posts make me sadder and sadder since the more I read the more I realise that he is a narc. Such a waste of such a potentially awesome human being, such a sad reality. Its sad for me to think that he will never know love.

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    1. @Hurt

      I hear you on that. Sometimes, I sink so down into the sadness of it. It used to be the only emotion that made me reach to him. What had just happened to me couldn’t have really happened, did it? The depth of sadness was immense. Crippling. But what you said above about his way, that’s the reality.

      When the Narc began all those Rule Games, I was so caught off guard as none of that was so apparent to me (blinded rather) when he had his seduction mask on. I just couldn’t see how he could ever even hope to have a relationship with that attitude so its why I kept trying to ‘talk about it’. It’s what made it seem so unreal, too. Like he can’t quite be serious is he?

      Well, I did find out from a good source, he has never been able to hang on to any relationship. Nothing ever binding in his life. No love for anyone. And I hear, not even himself. I had loved him, but it didn’t matter at all. It could not penetrate him at all. But that sadness has no more place in my life anymore. I had nothing to offer him in the end, even though I thought I did. What he wanted was so base, so flimsy and brittle, that nothing had a chance to grow.

      I finally reached a point where in my last 2016 fight with him, I said, “Why didn’t you come into MY world? Why did you chose to corrupt yourself so deeply?” Because in a way, that is what it is… while the need for fuel is immense, there really is a slow corruption, a grinding away inside of whatever is left of what was once an intact child. I am really of the camp that NPD is created more than born. I think early trauma is so severe, it forever alters the brain’s development. It’s like a brain injury that occurs and life then molds and grows around what’s left.

      I still feel those pangs of sadness. Its deep. Mixed with longing and sadness… but it will pass…. time will heal and make me forget and his infection will no longer be making me sick, but will have created an immunity in me.

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  8. I’ve heard ‘i would never shop there’, ‘i can’t text all day’ (after maybe 45 min of texting).
    But he was so helpful arnd the house, doing dishes, helping clean, getting groceries, helping cook etc.

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  9. Just listened to your buried u tube and i have to say i really enjoy your story telling! It keeps the listener/reader on the edhe of their seat. Narcissism aside you remind me of the next Alfred Hitchcock or Stephen King for that matter. Would you ever consider writing horror type books or audiobooks? A bit far from your work now but something to consider! 🙂 avid Stephen King fan here 😆

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  10. Do you know who I am? And you don’t know who you’re dealing with! I would respond with, you’re a big fish in a tiny pond. Live in a real city and find out if anyone knows you. When I made fun of his profession, that really set him off. Yes, I know who you are…you’re a freaking —-.

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  11. Dear HG, given narcissists have a superior view of themselves, do you think when I shared my accomplishments with my narc, it annoyed him? Incidentally, he would always compliment me, say he was proud of me and congratulated me. I was DS/IPSS. He is a somatic narc so, perhaps, professional successes would not matter to him? I would share with him not to brag or draw praise but to gain his approval. I know it’s pathetic but it was almost like I could get approval of the whole world but it wouldn’t matter. All that mattered was his approval. Would appreciate your insight. Thank you!

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  12. NA that was funny and seriously I had tears forming from laughing this morning

    Then HG and that turned to a different kind of funny.

    Sorry HG the picture in my mind you in the back of a limo saying hello in that voice of yours all thoughts of anything a narc can do goes out the window right along with logic.

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